Original subtitles

Arliss (narrating): For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy.

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes,

these are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

(rock music playing)

♪ You say it can't be done ♪

♪ I say it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ If all of us are one ♪

♪ Oh baby, baby ♪

Okay, okay, okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.

(scoffs)

There's no "baby".

I never wrote "baby".

I added it.

I go with what I feel.

Well, don't feel a "baby".

If I'm stuck with your music, you stick with my lyrics.

Shit, they've been arguing this since college.

It's amazing they still jam together at all.

Fred, you need to understand that Arliss always fantasized

about gold records lining his hallway.

Not lining the hallways, but one would be nice.

A lyricist. Cole Porter.

Hey, I saw this thing on Cole Porter.

Dude was a major "'mo".

Dude was a major song writer.

Three, four.

♪ You say it can't be done ♪

♪ I say it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ All of us are one ♪

♪ Oh baby, baby ♪

♪ Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby... ♪

♪ The bombs bursting in air ♪

Oh, god, I love Holland Pound's voice.

His new acoustic CD is fabulous.

His earlier stuff was so much better.

"Bohemian Tumbleweed," "Mad Man at the Opera."

Together: "Caribou Under Pressure."

Great album.

Arliss, I'm outraged

and it's time we took a stand.

Can we not take it in front of the TV?

I just received my high school alumni newsletter.

They're gutting the sports program!

Your school had a crew team.

That's not a sport, that's a Merchant Ivory film.

Scholastic athletics are being decimated everywhere.

AMM should spearhead

a national school sports charity.

We'll do it...

right after we settle that Middle East skirmish.

Do you mind?

Hello, everybody, Steve Lyons, FOX Sports with Holland Pound.

Music legend and sports junkie.

Now, Holland, when did you first fall in love

with America's pastime?

Well, you know, America is my adopted homeland.

Tell me, when did Holland Pound, Bono and Sting

become the spokesmen for America?

Yeah, I was a shy lad.

Growing up in school, playing cricket,

you know, really gave me a lot of confidence.

(British accent) Oh, please, why don't you melt down your fucking gold records?

That way all high school sports could be funded forever!

Hey.

Good fucking call.

I would've...

Hey Trevor, my man!

You keep pitching shutouts like that,

you're gonna make my job a whole lot easier.

Oh, fuck his pitching.

Turning four DP's saved his ass.

Hey, guys.

I got a visitor coming I think you're gonna want to meet.

Jillian Barberie?

Not exactly, but pretty hot.

Knock, knock!

No need to put your kilt on, lads.

Always love a man in uniform.

Oh, oh, oh.

Check out Siegfried and boy. (chuckles)

Their publicist is a friend of mine.

I'll go get him.

Holland Pound, Arliss Michaels.

Let me introduce you to two big fans.

Trevor Lawson, Fred Russell, meet the great Holland Pound!

I love your music, man, I got all your cd's.

You were fucking burning out there tonight, Trevor.

I mean, really throwing heat past those Giants.

Yeah, speaking of hot giants.

Don't mind, Brandon.

He's a baseball fan, he makes a great lover.

(laughing)

I got to...

go.

Great to meet you.

Hey, see you in October.

That's right.

Alright.

Uh, Holland...

I was really touched by your pre-game interview.

I have a plan that you might be interested in

to help the kids of this country!

Excuse me. Hey.

Have you finished having a good ogle view?

You were the one who insisted on coming in here.

I didn't mean cumming in here.

It'll just take a few moments to explain.

I'm missing "Oz."

Brandon!

I think you're gonna respond to it!

Tomorrow morning at my villa!

Don't make any sudden moves,

don't upset him,

and don't use the word "Brandon."

The master is an artist.

I understand.

Holland: ♪ There may be you ♪

♪ There may be me ♪

♪ But suddenly ♪

♪ There is no we ♪

Arliss Michaels, the sports agent.

Cheers, Friday.

Friday...

as in Robinson Caruso.

As in, thank God it's.

You have to pardon me, Mr. Michaels.

I have a broken heart to mend.

I'm sorry, did Brandon, did he leave?

No! I dumped him, that cunt.

The kill can be so devastating you know what I mean?

Meanwhile, I'll be brief.

I'm producing a song for charity

that I'd be honored if you wrote the music for.

Saving school sports.

This is for kids?

Kids who are confused.

Shy kids who are lost.

Adrift.

Your musical genius could play a huge difference

in their lives.

Who else is involved?

I refuse to work with Whitney Houston!

No, no, professional athletes.

Baseball players, basketball players,

football players.

Can they sing?

For the kids...

they can do anything.

I've jotted down a few lyrics

that I think capture the sentiment

of what we're looking for.

That's not bad.

That's not bad at all.

Book a video crew.

I want lots of press at the recording studio.

Stress the band's diversity.

Black, white, blue, green.

Going p.c., are we?

- You're gonna get one of those signers? - No, you are.

Stanley, who the hell are all these people?

Coaches who heard about our program and are applying for funds.

As you can see, the need is staggering.

Well, have 'em stagger by your office.

I still got a business to run here.

Fine, people, single file follow me!

Every voice will be heard.

- Including mine. - Mine what?

- My voice, I want to be in the band. - No!

- Yes. - No.

- Why not? - A, it's for athletes, B, you can't sing.

And C, you can't sing.

I can too sing.

(Out of tune) ♪ Amazing grace ♪

♪ How sweet the sound ♪

♪ That saves a wretch ♪

(high-pitched) ♪ Like me ♪

(dogs howling)

Kirby, you better get going.

You got a lot of work to do.

What song are we doing?

Song?

That's still up in the air.

You better get going. Okay, good luck.

Rita, would you please excuse me.

I can play a little piano.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm playing piano.

I want to be in the band!

What band?

You kidding?

We don't play basketball, we play basket.

We're a team with no balls.

You have a strong case.

A very strong case.

I feel confident we'll be able to get you some...

balls.

Thank you.

Next.

- Mr... - (exclaims)

Red: Sorry about that.

I'm Red Barkley, head coach at Evergreen Consolidated.

- (knuckles cracking) - Whoa!

Strong guy!

I'm the coach of the Lumberjack Squad.

Normally I'm squeezing ax handles.

They're cutting lumber-jacking.

Is there nothing sacred?

Well, you know, practice wood doesn't grow on trees.

McEnroe can't do it.

Laryngitis.

So, you still haven't told me, what's the song?

Oh, the song.

Well, it's an original tune.

Damn, I forgot to call Trevor and Fred!

(line ringing)

(whistling)

- Trevor (on phone): Hello. - Trevor, Arliss.

Hey, hang on a second.

Holland, give me a second, would you?

Holland, he's there now?

Yeah, yeah, he's here playing the song.

Song!

Yeah, it's awesome, I bet this thing goes gold.

Arliss?

Gold record, huh? I got to hear it, got to hear it, Holland!

Holland, Holland, where are you?

He just left, you missed him.

Fuck!

You'll hear it tomorrow at the rehearsal.

Yeah, I suppose.

Actually, it's probably just as well Holland doesn't

hang out here too much if you know what I mean.

Oh, yeah, I know exactly what you mean.

Tell me more about the song, tell me about the song. Does it kick?

Arliss,

did you ever represent a ballplayer

that you knew was gay?

There was a few I wondered about but 100% sure, no.

Tell me about the song, the song!

How would you play it?

Oh, key of "G," right?

No.

How would you handle it if...

a ballplayer told you he was gay?

As long as he flies under the radar

who he fucks is his own business.

None for me, tell me about the song.

Gold, huh, you sure?

What if he's tired of flying under the radar?

Where you goin' with this?

Arliss, I'm gay.

(chuckles) Since when?

Since always.

You're serious.

And you and Holland?

(exhales sharply)

Well, um...

Trevor, I appreciate you telling me this,

but as your agent, I should warn you

that Holland is not the most low profile person to be with.

I know.

That's why I'm coming out.

You're what?

Arliss, it's time.

Being with Holland has empowered me,

it's like your lyrics.

You say it can't be done, I say it can be.

If all of us are one.

I think you're reading way to much into it.

Holland agrees I should come out.

Of course Holland agrees,

he's a British rock star.

It's de rigueur for them to be gay.

But you're an American ballplayer.

Billy Bean came out.

After he left baseball.

Holland and I are gonna make an announcement together

at the recording.

At the recording?

Of my song?

Seems perfect, doesn't it?

Trevor, why don't you think about this a little more?

I have thought about this.

For a long time.

You know, this isn't easy.

Kirby, we need faces that pop.

Who's in?

Lipinski? Maybe.

Darius Miles, Clippers, good.

Mo Green? From "The Godfather?"

Oh, the world's fastest human...

Whoa, Jesus Christ!

You almost ripped my arm off, what's going on?

♪ Hare Rama ♪

♪ Hare Krishna ♪

♪ Krishna, Krishna ♪

I can play tambourines!

Rita, don't take this personally,

but no fucking way!

My song is going gold, not lead.

You mean your's and Kirby's song, don't you?

What are you talking about?

"All of Us are One."

Words by Arliss Michaels, music by Holland Pound.

What happened to music by Kirby Carlisle?

He is gonna be pissed.

I was gonna tell him sooner or later.

- I can make it sooner. - Red light!

Okay, you're in.

(tambourine rattling)

Yesterday, we're in a timber tournament

and my guy climbs to the top of the pole first,

but the clapper's broken.

He keeps trying to ring the bell, but nothing.

We need money.

Arliss.

Arliss, this is Red Barkley.

Red's one of our applicants for funding.

Nice to meet you.

Ow!

Jesus!

I forgot to mention that Red is a lumberjack.

Oh, lumberjack.

Well, I'm sure Stanley'll get you some new saws.

Later, going to rehearsal.

Thanks, Stanley.

Oh!

Gentlemen, ladies,

please take your places.

I trust you've all checked your egos at the door.

Where's Holland?

We were supposed to begin 20 minutes ago.

I'm sorry, "gay time" is always 20 minutes behind.

Hey, Fred, tune up the old ax.

(chuckles)

- Where's Trevor? - (door closes)

He should be on his way.

Arliss, I want you to meet Bruce Hornsby.

Hey, nice to meet ya.

Nice to meet you...

Boy scout handshake.

You know, my little finger's a little fragile here,

so, I use the boy scout handshake to protect it.

So, what are you doing here?

Are you jamming with Holland Pound on a new album?

No, Kirby told me about this project you guys had going,

so, I'm there.

There, where?

On the piano.

How cool is that? Bruce Hornsby on piano!

On piano.

Would you excuse me?

Hey. I was getting worried about you.

Thought maybe you changed your mind.

You haven't, have you?

No, haven't.

Sorry, I'm fucking late.

Friday should know better than to schedule rehearsal

during "All My Children."

I love "All My Children."

That Erica is such a bitch.

This is a very special song for me.

Not just because of what it'll bring the kids,

but because of the very special love it brought me.

Oh, that's nice.

(mellow guitar playing)

This is gonna be great.

♪ You say it can't be done ♪

♪ I say it can be ♪

♪ Oh, it can be ♪

♪ You say it can't be done.

♪ I say it will be ♪

♪ It will be ♪

♪ It will be when all of us are one ♪

♪ You know you are my brother ♪

♪ Why can't we love one another ♪

♪ And together ♪

♪ We can make it if we dare ♪

♪ You say it can't be done ♪

♪ I say it can be ♪

♪ It will be it must be ♪

♪ When all of us are one ♪

♪ Oh baby ♪

♪ If all of us are one ♪

I love it, bravo, bravo!

It's wonderful, whoo, look at the time!

Guys, we got a ball game, c'mon, let's get going, guys!

Hey, whoo, whoo, whoo!

What a song!

Looking good, plannin' the come back, Billy?

I still like taking my hacks.

Arliss Michaels, right?

Right.

What's up?

I know you didn't come here to sign me.

I need your help.

I got a question only Billy Bean can answer.

So, tell me,

what position does this guy play?

Outfielder.

Billy, this is serious.

Tell me about it.

No, you tell me about it, you've been there.

Yeah.

And I hate to say it.

But I don't think he can come out.

Well, neither do I.

But he's being pretty idealistic.

There's a big difference between being idealistic

and being realistic.

Meaning?

Meaning this guy's life will be under a microscope tomorrow.

And no matter how much progress we think this country's had,

there's a lot of people out there

who are gonna want him to fail.

Don't you think there's a chance that America might embrace him?

Not as long as fathers are taking their sons

to the ballpark.

They don't want to hear,

"Daddy, I want to grow up and be just like him."

Oh, shit, this isn't what I was hoping to hear.

Listen, that's nothing compared to what he's gonna hear.

But do you know what really surprises me?

What?

Is that he told you.

I mean, he actually confided in you.

I never even came close to that with my agent.

I mean, that says a lot about you.

So, what do I do?

Be his friend.

'Cause he's gonna need one.

Oh, Arliss.

Arliss.

I've chosen the first round of all American recipients.

Compton High's basketball team,

my alma mater's crew team.

And the...

The lumberjack.

The lumberjack, you can't be serious.

Very serious.

What's more American than destroying the environment?

Make sure that Paul Bunyan is at the recording studio.

Savvy.

(sighs)

"All of Us are One."

That was my song too, you know, my music.

C'mon, Kirby.

This kind of thing happens all the time in the music industry.

It's sort of like a pitcher who throws a great game

and doesn't get the win.

You could've asked me at least.

And you could've asked me if you could bring Bruce Hornsby.

You know, I'm the producer, I wanted to play piano on my gold record.

You wanted faces that pop.

Whose face pops?

Bruce Hornsby or Arliss "fuckhead" Michaels?

Well, whose music pops?

Holland Pound's or Kirby "cocksucker" Carlisle?

Cocksucker, me?

Really, hot lips.

Hey, Kirb.

Hey, Arliss.

Am I interrupting?

No, no, c'mon, have a seat.

No, I can't stay.

What's up?

I think it's time I made a change.

Change? You mean a trade?

C'mon, you're in the middle of a pennant race.

Not my team, my representation.

Your what?

Listen, your lifestyle, that's your own business,

but I think I'd rather have somebody else handle...

my business.

My lifestyle?

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

You don't think I'm gay.

C'mon, Arliss.

I mean, "All My Children."

And that kiss?

And what's with your name? It's like Alice with an "R".

Fred, I'm not gay.

Alright, look at your fingernails.

No, just do it.

Ah, see, that's the gay way.

If you weren't gay, you'd look at them like this.

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

Look, I just need an agent that I can feel comfortable with.

And you don't feel comfortable with me anymore?

So, we understand each other?

Yeah.

I think we do.

Okay.

Hey, Fred, how's that chord progression go?

Is that C-D-D? Is it C-E minor-D?

I don't know, man, I'm not playing in the band anymore.

What do you mean you're not playing in the band anymore?

Well, I don't think it'd be too cool,

since I just fired Arliss.

Fired Arliss, when?

Just now.

The whole gay thing freaks me out.

What whole gay thing?

Holland Pound, Arliss.

(laughs)

Arliss, isn't gay, you dumb fuck.

You know, maybe he is, maybe he isn't.

But either way, I don't have to deal with it, right?

You know, there are gay people everywhere, man.

You don't think there's gay guys in baseball right now?

No, I don't.

Donnie, remember that guy, Kevin Folds?

Yo, man, Kevin, the corn holder?

Oh, shit, man, why'd you have to remind me about him?

Alright, who's Kevin Folds?

He was the pitcher on our double A team.

He's a total fruit. Once everybody found out...

we started giving away his signs.

You gave away his signs?

Hell, yeah.

Game's tough enough without that bullshit.

I mean, even the umpire started squeezing him.

That poor bastard couldn't get a cold strike

if his life depended on it.

He'd start coming right down the middle

and he got hammered.

His ERA went from like four to 14 in no time. Whoo!

What do you think he's doing now?

Donnie: Probably pitching a fit at the local salon.

(both laughing)

Man: Level check.

Mic three, level check.

(instruments tuning)

Arliss, we have got an all star line up, huh?

The world's fastest human, Maurice Green.

Arliss: Oh, hey!

Kirby: From the LA Clippers, Quentin Richardson

and Darius Miles.

And of course,

America's favorite gold medal figure skater,

Tara Lipinski.

Tara, do you play an instrument

or are you just gonna skate your way through this?

No, actually, I do play an instrument,

but it's kind of embarrassing.

Man: Downbeat in five minutes. Five minutes to downbeat.

Oh, boy.

Pretty good turn out, huh?

Where's Holland?

You remember "gay time."

But Hornsby's here.

He's amazing.

Hey, Bruce, how's it going?

Trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind,

obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, very clean

and reverent, Arliss.

Jeepers, this is exciting.

I brought my spoons.

Arliss...

Red, I can't tell you how happy I am that you are here.

Arliss, I want to thank you

for supporting the Lumberjack Squad.

I hope I can return the favor some time.

Actually, you can,

there's somebody here I want you to meet.

Friend of mine, thinks he's got a strong grip.

Oh, he does, does he?

Bruce Hornsby meet Red Barkley.

Hey, Red, how you doing?

(knuckles cracking)

(screaming)

What's happening, man, take it easy, man.

What's going on?

I think Hornsby's off piano.

Trevor.

I need to tell you something.

Arliss.

Look, Trevor...

I've been thinking about what you're about to do.

I mean, you're going into unchartered waters

and you're gonna need, pardon the expression,

a good first mate.

So, I just want you to know that when you...

decide to come out, I'll be right behind you,

so to speak.

Thank you.

I'm not coming out.

What?

Fred told me he fired you.

Who gives a shit?

Fred's a homophobic prick.

Yeah, well, he got me thinking.

I'm a ballplayer.

I'm a gay ballplayer, but I'm a ballplayer first.

I love to play.

And you don't get to play that long.

No, you don't.

So, I suppose this can wait until I retire.

You sure about this?

No, I'm not sure about it.

Better to be safe.

Then out.

Have you told Holland?

What do you mean you're leaving?

He left me, the slag.

No one dumps the master.

I'm going into deep seclusion.

Well, can't you seclude after we record?

- I can't record and I'm pulling my song. - Your song?

That's my song, my gold record!

I wrote that song when I was in love.

Alright, now it's just fucking noise

thanks to that dug out diva.

You're right, he's a total whore,

- but what about the children? - Fuck 'em.

Wait, wait, Holland, you can't do this.

You can't! No, Holland. You can't do this.

Holland, think of the kids!

Kids that are lost, kids that are adrift!

Arliss, time to record!

We can't, he just pulled the music!

What?! We gotta do do this now,

isn't there other music we can use?

♪ ♪

All: ♪ You say it can't be done ♪

♪ I say it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ When all of us are one ♪

Arliss (narrating): My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my lyrics...

Only!

♪ ...not done ♪

♪ I say it will be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ When all of us are one ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ You say it can't be done ♪

♪ I say it can be ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ When all of us are one ♪

♪ Oh baby, baby ♪

♪ You are my brother ♪

♪ Love one another ♪

♪ And together ♪

♪ We can make it ♪

♪ If we dare ♪