Original subtitles

♪ ♪

Arliss (narrating): For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

- remains a fantasy. - (groans)

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

(water splashing)

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes,

these are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

Who's a team? We're a team.

We're a team. Who's a team?

And this team just signed Kordell Stewart.

- Which means? - Tomorrow might.

Our traditional ceremonial...

Celebratory shave at Ned's.

- We're team. - Who's a team?

That's right, you know the best thing about signing Kordell?

Stealing him from Mike Armstrong.

Kirby, Kirby, Kirby, don't gloat, it's just business.

That's right, just business.

(cackling)

(crashing)

(Kirby groaning)

Arliss. It's you.

Oh, I guess botox isn't all it's cracked up to be.

When you smile as much as I do, Mike,

you get a few lines.

In fact, we were just smiling about you.

How's business?

Oh, never better.

Really? I heard you lost...

Kordell Stewart.

Oh, small potatoes, I was ready to let him go anyway.

Sure you were.

You always let go of $20 million quarterbacks.

What is our tally this year?

Eight for me, one for you.

I guess now you can afford those Kia payments.

(laughing)

(cackling)

Alright. Here's an ice pack.

Put that right there.

Okay, now take these naproxen,

but be sure to eat first, alright?

You have any problems, that guy's the best neurologist in town.

- Thank you. - Man: Hey, Tommy, towels!

Got it! Later, man.

You okay?

Oh, yeah, hey, was Armstrong pissed?

What do you think?

Yo, Arliss, over here.

Whoo-hee, Kordell Stewart is styling tonight.

Victory champagne?

No, Gatorade.

Who in the hell poured Gatorade in my boots?!

(men laughing)

Yo, Tommy. I need some help, bro. I need some shoes.

Hold on, hold on. Kirby, what size do you wear?

- What? - What size do you wear?

No!

- Size 12 double E, right? - Yeah.

Ferragamo, limited edition, not even on the market yet.

Check out that buckle. Perfect.

You just happened to have an extra pair of shoes?

Shoes, jackets, cell phones, limos, telephone numbers.

You name it, I got it.

Well, thanks...

Tommy. Tommy Gristidi.

My boys call me "Tommy Got It."

Alright, let's roll, I'm starving.

Oh, not that way, man, too many stalkers.

(walkie talkie chirping)

Yo, Randolph, it's Tommy.

Have Kordell's car brought around back for me,

not now, but right now.

- Tommy: Appreciate it. I got you. - Kordell: Yeah.

Let's go.

Hold on.

Hey, man, don't worry about it, it's part of my job.

Well, thanks again.

No problem.

Hmph.

Choose.

Neither, I don't want a dog.

But I do.

I need something that when it licks me,

I know it's gonna be around to lick me again.

Oh, I'm sure Mr. Right is out there somewhere.

In the meantime, get a flea collar.

Fine, I'm off.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, where are you going?

Primo.

Stanley's restaurant? That doesn't open 'til tomorrow.

I promised him I'd bring him the new menus.

New, new menus?!

Deion Sanders has weighed in yet again.

I warned Stanley,

celebrity partnerships never work out.

Well, listen, get back here, don't hang around there all day.

Kirby and I have something very, very big cooking.

Don't tell Deion.

He might add it to the menu.

Hello, Mr. Michaels.

"Tommy Got It." Hey!

Good job last night, what can I do for you?

Well, actually, I was kind of hoping there was something

I could do for you.

Such as?

An internship.

I'm ready to play in the big game

and I want to learn from the best.

That's true.

You've seen me work on my feet and on Kordell's.

Tommy, agenting is a tough business.

There's no limit to what one man can achieve

as long as he's willing to give others the credit.

Who said that?

You did, "Sports Illustrated."

C'mon in.

Ah...

Deion.

You can't hang that inside.

What high end restaurant has a neon sign the size of Texas

over the bar?!

TGI Fridays,

Bennigans,

and the ESPN Zone.

That's not quite the motif we're going for.

We want a place with class.

Exactly.

That sign'll look great with the giant screen TV.

What giant screen TV?

The one next to the karaoke machine.

Whoa, whoa, what karaoke machine?

I hope they put P Diddy in here.

- Hi, Deion. - Hey, girl.

Hi, Stanley, here are the new menus.

Oh, changed them again.

You know, for a silent partner prime-time never shuts up.

So, life as a restaurateur isn't what you quite envisioned.

Oh, I envisioned

a sophisticated, Michelin-starred establishment.

He is one step away from putting in pinball machines.

I told you, celebrity partnerships never work...

Deion, Stanley, here, try this.

Out.

Here, bruscetta.

Deion: Oh, yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

May I?

- Of course. - Thank you.

Mmm! Delicious.

Kalamata olives and margarine.

Very good.

Needs sugar.

Sugar?

My momma always put sugar in her sauce.

- What? - You know what'll go well with this?

I was thinking endive and gorgonzola.

Popcorn shrimp!

Over my dead body.

I could hook that up for you.

I think Stanley's concern is that the heavy batter of the shrimp

will overpower the delicate sweetness

- of your mother's sauce. - Exactly.

You know what, you're right.

Hey, Stanley.

What about a dart board?

- A dart board! - A dart board right here.

- (Stanley arguing indistinctly) - (snickering)

Oh, no.

Thank you very much.

Oh, no.

The thought of bruscetta and popcorn shrimp

was too much.

(phone ringing)

I'm Rita.

Rita Wu, I work with Stanley at AMM.

I'm Kyle, Kyle Welsh.

I work for Ali and Frazier.

Man: Kyle, telephone.

Excuse me, I have to get the phone.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my God.

What is it? 61 degrees?

That's not bad.

Does this need to be refrigerated?

Oh, uh, would you put those over here please?

So, Central Park was beautiful today?

Yeah, it is the most romantic place in the world, isn't it?

Okay, honey. Give me Mommy.

Thanks.

(sighs)

Hi, honey, I miss you.

I know, I keep reminding myself of that.

This is a great opportunity.

Okay, do me a favor

and give our little girl an extra squeeze for me, would you?

Okay.

I love you too, bye.

Wife and kids?

Wife and daughter.

I've been away for a month now.

Oh, it must be rough.

You know, I gotta tell you.

I wasn't sure about making this move, but...

when the guys offered me a piece of the place,

whoo, I had to take it.

Well, I told Stanley I'm sure it's gonna be a success.

That makes one of us.

You know what?

It's not bad.

Come here.

Oh.

You know what?

You're right.

Ha!

Kirby: "Thank you, from Kordell."

Ooh, Kordell, single malt, thank you.

Rita (on intercom): Kirby, Carlo Monte on one.

Carlo Monte,

how's the fellini of Formula One?

- Where are you calling from? - Kordell: Over Iceland.

With a strong tailwind and co-pilot with a strong tail.

When do you...

Motherfucker!

What?

When do you arrive in LA?

Tomorrow, 9:00 AM sharp

then I'm leaving for Livre Grand Prix the next morning.

Arliss and I are very excited to meet you.

We want to show you what AMM is all about.

Do me a favor, make sure the meeting is private.

Don't worry.

We don't want anyone knowing

that the world's highest paid athlete is coming to visit.

- Ciao. - Ariverderci.

Carlo Monte, Formula One!

(imitating speeding cars)

Yes, Carlo Monte, yes, yes!

So, I tell Jerry West, look, I know Colby's only 16,

but when I found Michael at 16, you laughed at me.

Three olives, right?

"Sports Illustrated"?

"Cigar Aficionado."

Of course.

Mr. Michaels, tell me...

Can a person learn to spot talent or...

is that a gift?

It's a gift for hard work

and a belief that nobody on this planet is better than you

at what you do.

That and a lack of ego.

Boss, we did it, he's flying in...

Oh, hi.

Kirby.

You know "Tommy Got It,"

our new AMM intern.

Welcome aboard.

Thanks.

So, Arliss...

The meeting's a go.

Which meeting?

Oh, you mean? Good, good, good.

Hey, I can step out if you guys need to...

No, no, no, stay, stay, stay.

Kirby, why don't we discuss this later tonight at Nick's, okay?

Kirby and I always have our traditional celebratory shave

after signing a big client.

Arliss, if we could set a time,

I mean, it'd be good, it's important.

Let's set a time.

Hey, let me tell you how I got Rupert Murdoch

to steal the NFL from CBS.

- You did that? No way. - Way, way.

I tell him, Rup, if you want to be a major network,

you need a major sport, right?

So, the two of us are fishing off the Great Barrier Reef, right?

Jillian, he is so unbelievably hot.

Does this mean you're not getting a dog?

- He cooks. - Mm-hmm.

He's handsome. I like.

He's smart. Yeah?

He's married.

Too bad, he was great.

I have one hard-fast rule.

Never, never date married men.

Never works. Never.

(phone rings)

Rita Wu.

Rita, it's Kyle Welsh from the restaurant.

- Can you hear me? - (dinging and rattling)

Barely, Kyle, what's that ringing?

(dinging and ringing continues)

I want this removed by tomorrow!

This is a restaurant, not an arcade!

One more game.

No!

Listen to me, I need your discriminating power

to decipher what the hell he's making me prepare here!

Would you please, please come over later?

- Sure, what time? - How about 7:00?

Okay, I'll see you then.

Never works.

Never.

So, the guy's asking $3.2 million for the house,

but my friend is representing the wife

in his divorce and I know the guy's cash poor.

So, I steal it for $1.7.

Let that be a lesson, information is power.

Sorry, I'm late, Arliss.

We're all set, 8:00 PM. Tomorrow night, Havana Club!

Oh, man, I am looking forward to this shave.

Hey, Kirby.

I figured as long as you were late,

the kid might as well break his cherry,

you don't mind, do you, Kirby?

No, fine.

- Go ahead. - Thanks, Kirby.

Mr. Michaels has been telling me the greatest attribute

a man can have... is loyalty.

Uh-huh.

Wait, Carlo can't make a meeting before 8:00?

- Arliss! - Carlo?

Carlo Monte, you're signing him?

8:00 is too late, I want breakfast,

lunch at the latest.

Tommy, you know why?

Earlier is better than later

because later can turn into never.

All done.

Okay.

Oh, Kirby, I'm sorry.

Your appointment was at 7:00, it's almost 8:00.

So?

Armstrong: So, use your Lady Gillette at home.

Well, hello, Arliss.

Nice look.

(snickering)

Hanging out with the locker room help.

So, what are you trying to set up, Arliss?

Some kind of big laundromat deal?

You know, I never saw a snake get a pedicure before.

Oh, I always have my feet done

when someone makes the mistake of stepping on my toes.

Kirby.

I shouldn't be more than...

an hour.

I'm out of here.

Get that talcum powder away from me!

(coughing)

What's the matter, Armstrong?

Afwaid of a little baby powder?

Allergies,

you can understand allergies can't you, Arliss?

It's like an aversion to certain people.

Just seeing them makes your skin crawl.

C'mon, Tommy, let's get some food.

Let Armstrong finish his bikini wax.

(coughing) Nick, Nick, I need you.

Nick!

My last gig was sous chef at Nobu,

before that, pastry chef at Montre Chez,

before that line cook at Tribeca,

and before that, head fryer at Micky D's.

(chuckles)

What's this?

Kitchen karaoke?

Yeah, Stanley moved it in here.

He convinced Deion to save it for special occasions.

Well, I think a sneak preview of Primo is a special occasion.

(music playing)

Ha-ha.

♪ In the cool of the evening ♪

♪ When everything is getting kind of groovy ♪

♪ I call you up and ask you if you'd like to go with me ♪

♪ And see a movie ♪

♪ First you say no ♪

♪ You got some plans for the night ♪

♪ And then you stop ♪

♪ And say alright ♪

♪ Love is kind of crazy ♪

♪ With a spooky little girl like you ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Spooky little girl ♪

(music continues)

I don't do this.

I know.

Ever.

I know.

(music continues)

Arliss: Man, I've been with sumo wrestlers

that eat as much as you do.

Oh, man, that was delicious.

Thanks for dinner.

Here lies a lesson.

Always, always be prepared to pick up the check.

The client never will.

(chuckling)

- Thanks again, man. - Yeah, don't worry about it.

Oh, boy.

Hey, Mr. Michaels.

I want to let you know I really...

appreciate you showing me the ropes.

I want to be the best intern you've ever had.

I believe you will be.

Have a good night, man.

What, no kiss goodnight?

Oh, Jesus, Kirby,

don't tell me you're still pissed off about today.

I mean, you were late, he was here, big deal.

I was late

because I was getting us a meeting with Carlo Monte.

But you were so busy jerking off to the sound of your own voice,

you didn't pay attention.

What is your problem?

I mean, the kid's good, he sort of reminds me of me.

Yeah, he reminds me of you, too.

Maybe too much.

You know, if I didn't know better,

I'd think you were jealous.

Oh, really?

Is that what you think?

Well, what the fuck should I think?

Do you really want to know?

(sighs)

Don't worry about it, man, I'll take care of it.

What's my name?

Alright. Later.

I can't figure it out, okay.

What do you think?

Cummerbund or vest?

Where's Rita?

She took a break,

but definitely the vest.

You don't want to look like the Maitre D'.

Oh, yeah, right.

Thanks.

Thanks, I'm a nervous wreck.

I invested a lot in this restaurant,

really put my heart into it.

Don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll be a home run.

- Arliss here yet? - Not yet.

Kirby, I need you at the opening early.

Just stand by the window and look happy.

Stanley, I can't make it.

What do you mean, you can't make it?

Arliss and I have an important meeting tonight.

What can be more important than my opening?

Hello, babies.

Is that for Carlo?

Carlo Monte?

Uh-huh, I heard he was into Cohiba Esplendidos,

so, I got El Duke to get me some.

Mr. Michaels.

You're meeting with Carlo Monte tonight?

That's right.

And not bringing him to my opening.

So he can watch you and Deion go 10 rounds?

It's an opening, we need celebrities!

Excuse me, Mr. Michaels.

Stanley, it's business, don't take it personally.

Why should I take it personally?

It's only my dream, my sweat, my blood, but, hey!

If my friends can't see fit

to show up at my restaurant opening,

then personally... they suck!

Kirby, maybe you should go to Stanley's opening.

What?

I mean, Carlo only has to meet one of us.

Well, then I'll meet him.

C'mon, he's expecting me.

Actually, he's not.

Not what?

I mean, he's not gonna make it.

What are you talking about?

Carlo called five minutes ago, he can't make it.

Something about leaving town early.

He's not coming to dinner?

Sonuvabitch, I told you dinner was too late.

It was his schedule, what was I supposed to do?

Oh, not fuck it up?!

Well, fuck you!

- Oh, fuck me? - Yeah.

- Fuck me. - Yeah, fuck you.

No, fuck you!

Put this on my desk, I need some air.

(rattling)

Jillian, I did it.

I slept with a married man.

You broke your hard-fast rule?

Well, I didn't exactly break it.

It was more of a sprain.

That good, huh?

Unbelievably good.

Oh, God, was it good.

Okay, girl, are you bragging or complaining?

I'm bragging, I'm complaining,

I'm confused.

God, I hate myself for doing it and I want to do it again.

I just want it to work.

Yeah, and I want John Madden's gig,

but that's not gonna happen.

Well, maybe this will.

He's here, she's there.

We're obviously attracted to each other.

Who knows where it's gonna go?

Kyle: I do.

Bye, Jillian.

I want you to know that what...

happened last night, it was...

It was good.

It was very good.

Rita, I'm leaving.

What?

I'm going home

to my family... now.

Now? But, can't you stay a little longer?

Rita, this restaurant was my big break.

I'm giving up a lot by leaving.

But if I stay, I risk giving up a lot more.

Oh, I see.

You came, you saw, you conquered.

Rather, you saw, you conquered, than you came.

I...

I didn't mean to hurt you and I'm sorry if I did that.

See, I know what'll happen if I go

and I'm afraid of what'll happen if I don't.

Guess you think I'm a real asshole right now.

Actually...

I find you more attractive than ever.

Your wife is a lucky woman.

I'm a very lucky man.

That means you won't be here for the opening.

Have you told Stanley yet?

(loud screaming)

Are you sure their meeting with Carlo Monte

was set for 8:00?

Oh, yeah, don't worry, Mike, he'll post.

(snickering) It's a pity.

I won't be able to see Arliss' face

when he learns I set him up.

Yeah, you should've seen his sorry little face

when I told him Monte canceled.

(both laughing)

Since we have to...

wait anyway,

I don't think Carlo would mind

if we smoked

one of these Cohibas.

Not at all.

- (squeaking) - (coughing)

Oh, shit, anthrax!

No, man, it's talcum powder.

(screams)

Shit!

(phone rings)

"Tommy Got It."

Arliss: Hey, Tommy, get this, put on Armstrong.

One sec.

Oh, shit, Mr. Michaels?

That's right, you little prick.

You backed the wrong horse, now put on Armstrong.

(coughing)

Armstrong, next time you try something stupid,

don't send a child, do it yourself.

(choking)

(laughing)

Enjoy the present.

(growling)

Ciao.

Okay, Clousseau, you're a genius.

Hey, it didn't take a genius.

Oh, the Gatorade that just happened to be in the boots

that Tommy just happened to have

a perfect replacement pair for?

That Tommy just happened to show up at AMM the next day?

That Armstrong just happened to be wearing

the same Ferragamo shoes?

You were just too absorbed in your own bullshit to notice.

Okay, so, I'm an asshole.

Who's an asshole?

I'm an asshole!

That's right, let's go see what Stanley's burning.

Jesus.

(pinball machine dinging)

Good turnout, not what I expected, but...

Pinball?

Ah! Deion, we've done it.

Primo's is packing 'em in.

Hey, what did I tell you?

Why don't we change the name to...

"Primo Time"?

Better turn down the temperature, Carlo,

you're gonna burn the sauce.

Arliss, I'm so happy we meet here.

Here. Mangia, mangia.

- Delicious. - Mm!

You know what'll go well with this?

- Popcorn shrimp. - Exactly.

Everybody loves popcorn shrimp.

Okay, heads up, I need two veal picattas

and an order of curly fries.

Here you go, Kyle.

Oh, yes, yes.

You're so much better than a man.

Arliss (narrating): My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

Salut.

♪ I'll have a smile on my face ♪

♪ I'm goin' to light up this place ♪

♪ I know my love's what you need ♪

♪ So come on, so come on ♪

♪ Love is gonna set us free ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ I know my love's what you need ♪

♪ So come on, so come on ♪

♪ Love is gonna set us ♪

♪ It's gonna set us free ♪

♪ It's gonna set us free ♪

♪ Love love love ♪

♪ Is gonna set us free ♪

♪ Love love love ♪

♪ Is gonna set us free ♪

♪ I have a smile on my face ♪

♪ I'm goin' to light up this place ♪

♪ I know my love's what you need ♪

♪ So come on, so come on ♪

♪ Love is gonna set us free ♪

♪ Love ♪