Original subtitles

♪ ♪

Arliss (narrating): For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy.

(screaming)

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

(water splashing)

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes,

these are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

This is very difficult for me.

You've been a valuable member of the AMM team.

But, given the current situation,

effective immediately, you are no longer

in the employ of Arliss Michaels Management.

Man: Good, that's it, that's it, that's it.

That's it, now show me your combination.

No, no, like this.

Alright!

Any questions for the Lord of the ring,

Sugar Shane Mosely?

C'mon, Veronica,

I think you have a question.

Can I be called "Sugar Veronica Mosely"?

Sure.

Shane, thank you so much

for coming to talk to my Junior Jabbers.

Arliss is actually footing the bill for this club?

AMM is writing the checks,

but, this is my pet project.

Kids are so great.

Rita, you're alright.

- Thanks. - (phone rings)

It's Saturday.

(female voice reading sexily)

at his long-term growth.

He compounded her.

His Dow was rising...

rising, rising...

about to...

Female voice: Come now!

What?!

(female voice reading)

Ugh!

Eww, ew!

(lamp shatters)

Remember, girls, when you get out there,

you are wearing Emo Daniel.

And you are perfect, goddesses, supple,

luminescent, divine!

Sweetie, do something about that hair.

J.J., the girls are fabulous.

Darling, if they weren't,

they wouldn't be J.J. girls.

Ah, Christine, my good luck charm.

Oh, Emo, you're so sweet.

Christine, tell me.

How many Emo Daniel shows have you done for me,

Emo Daniel?

I think this is my ninth.

Really? That many.

No, no, it's only her sixth.

- (fanfare plays) - Oh, there is the music, it's showtime!

(laughs) Showtime!

Hey, good luck, babe.

Hi, baby! Ooh, make-up kiss.

So, you had some lunch?

Yeah, I'm having it right now.

Sweetie, a cigarette is not a meal.

They're menthol, I'm getting my greens.

Listen, I booked us on the 8:15 to Napa,

and also the 9:20, in case we need time to pack.

Oh, Kirby-cakes,

you are the most wonderful man

I've ever met in my life.

Emo: Christine,

let's move it, move it, move it!

- Baby, I gotta go. - Okay.

Could you hold this?

Thanks, I love you!

- Bye. - (phone rings)

God...!

Yello...

Arliss, what's up?

This company is going under.

Arliss, the company is not going under.

It's not?!

We have four days until the end of the fiscal year,

and we are in the red!

We have never, ever been in the red.

Stanley, how much are we in the red?

$117,000.

That's it?

That's why we're here on the Saturday of Labor Day weekend?

And Sunday, and Monday.

Ohh!

Boss, Christine and I are going to Napa.

Not this weekend.

Seriously, I've got plans.

Kirby, could this be what I think it might be?

I'll tell you what it might be and is.

We have four days until we have to make a profit!

$117,000, that's the commission on one deal.

Fine, you got one? Anybody got one?

Exactly, so, we're gonna make some changes.

First, our adopted highway

is now an orphan.

Rita, I'm pulling the funding from your boxing club. Stanley...

Like hell you are.

Like hell I'm not!

We have a big match coming up,

what am I supposed to tell those kids?

Tell them, we don't got the money!

Stanley, I wanna go over the books with you,

item by item, see if we can move some money around.

I did already.

Well, do it again!

People, I don't think you understand the severity

of the situation.

In 25 years of business,

AMM has always shown a profit.

And that is not gonna stop now!

- (knocking) - What?!

Arliss, we've got the restructuring reports.

Fine, in my office.

Get busy.

Shit, those are efficiency experts.

Fuck, this was gonna be my big weekend.

First, you hear "restructuring,"

the next thing you hear is,

"Security will escort you from the building."

Flowers, champagne, a sunrise balloon ride, fuck!

- (phone rings) - That son-of-a-bitch is not pulling the plug on my program.

Yello?

Sweetie, slow down.

What's wrong?

Look, AMM has always operated in the black.

I've already made some moves to help salvage the year.

Even if you do show a profit this year,

you have bigger problems.

AMM is top-heavy.

60% of your operating costs are salaries.

For example, Stanley Babson,

your financial officer,

you can get a young Harvard business grad

to do his job for a third of the cost.

For the past quarter,

Mr. Kirby Carlisle's revenues are down 70%

from the same quarter last year.

And yet, he still pulls in the biggest salary.

And the compensation package for your Executive Assistant

can be reduced significantly

by making a change.

You mean lay-offs?

I don't wanna do that.

We understand.

These are hard choices.

J.J. says I'm too old!

Too old? You're 28.

That's almost 40 in model years!

It was so embarrassing.

Emo put some teeny-bopper waif on in my place.

Said he was going for male titillation.

Oh, how the fuck would Emo know what turns men on?

And then J.J. pulls me aside

and she says I'm not booking the way I used to.

10 years and she dumps me.

Let me tell you about agents.

They will squeeze every last penny

they can possibly get out of you,

and then they'll just throw you away

like yesterday's garbage.

But, luckily, you've got me.

And you'd never throw me away

for some teeny-bopper waif, would you?

Hey, I'm almost 80 in model years.

Yeah.

Oh, Kirby-cakes, I love you.

Aw, it's okay.

Who's this?

Anna Kournikova.

What agency is she with?

She's not a model, she's a tennis player.

She won a lot of tournaments?

No, not really.

Then why is she on the cover?

Well, she brings a lot

more than, uh, tennis to the sport of tennis.

How old is she?

19.

(crying)

It's okay, it's okay...

Shh, shh, shh, it's alright, it's alright.

Veronica, I'm sorry.

The team's not going to the match.

We can't afford the trip to San Diego.

But, Rita, I've already packed my suitcase.

And I've been carbo-loading.

I know, sweetie, I'm sorry.

Keep working on that jab.

When's our next practice?

I'll let you know, okay? Bye, Veronica.

Hey, Arliss.

You know, red is a great color on you.

That tie looks great.

Hard at work, I see.

Oh, just came up for air.

Great idea you had me going over those line items.

I think I may have found something.

Good, good, good.

How we coming on cost cutting?

We only use 32% of space on our Post-Its,

so, I'm cutting them into thirds.

Oh, well, back to the coal mine.

Rita, why is Kirby holed up in his office?

Rita...

Rita?

Are you going to answer me?

Since you've cut back, I'm cutting back.

I am not going to do one iota more

than what is stated on my job description.

Kirby's responsibilities are outside my range.

Your job description is what I tell you it is.

Send me a memo, CC to the personnel director.

Mark, you're the owner of the Dallas Mavericks.

Why not promote 'em with a calendar?

We have a team calendar.

The players pose with their wives.

Ah, but what if each player

posed with a beautiful model?

These are professional basketball players, Kirby.

They're all married to beautiful models.

Well, then how about a new logo, you know?

The Dallas Mavericks' gal!

(humming)

What's going on?

Arliss, Kirby is wasting my entire Sunday

trying to get his girlfriend some work.

What?

That's what I'm saying, I'm outta here.

Christine got let go by her agency.

I was just trying to lift her spirits.

Well, rather than trying to lift your girlfriend's spirits,

how about trying to lift this company's revenue?

I was just trying...

No, you're not trying.

Do you know your commissions are down

over 70% this quarter?

Why are you telling me this?

Look, I want you to go track down Rich Eisen.

See if you can renegotiate his deal with the network.

- Now? - Yeah, now!

Before you don't have an agency either.

I don't like being by the water.

It makes me feel bloated.

Honey, it's a beautiful day, we're outside.

My skin is getting sun damaged.

I only put on the SPF 15.

Okay, here, I got some SPF 30.

Hey, maybe if I mix them together, it'll be a 45.

Yeah, maybe.

Hey, listen, I gotta take care of some business.

You stay here, enjoy the view,

I'll be right back, okay?

Okay.

Alright, Lee, let's rehearse tomorrow's opening, okay?

Welcome to beautiful Lake Phoebe,

site of our eighth stop

on the American Bass Fishing Tour.

Hi, I'm Rich Eisen.

Each corporate sponsored boat you see behind me

is manned by a single angler and an observer.

Let's do that again.

Man: Let me get this straight.

You want me to renegotiate Rich's deal now,

and give him a one million dollar signing bonus?

Yeah, and we'd like it on the books by the end of the week.

(chuckling) Have you lost your mind?

Rich Eisen is a broadcaster.

He reports on signing bonuses,

he doesn't get them.

- Eddie... - Look, we don't have the money.

You know, the ratings in every sport in America

are down right now with the exception of golf,

and that's only because of one guy.

Okay, why did your network spend $100 million

for the rights to bass fishing,

who watches that?

Look, I am busy, you wanna talk to me?

Find me Tiger Bass.

- Thank you. - Hey, Rich.

Hey, how'd it go?

Uh, we're still in discussions.

Bass fishing, Kirby, bass fishing?

I mean, what's gonna be my next gig,

American whittling?

Look, I know it's not the Final Four.

Whoa, look at that!

Wonder if she's competing.

She's not!

Too bad, we'd sure get some numbers.

Don't worry about it.

Here you go.

Thank you, Rita.

Who paid for this?

These people are working on a Sunday.

We can spring for coffee.

Who made that decision?

Arliss, I understand that you're upset

about your profit margin.

Look, I'll work extra overtime,

and give up my auto stipend

if you'll just keep supporting my boxing club.

Negative.

Please, it's really important to me.

Arliss, after seven years,

don't you think you owe me?

Excuse me, owe you?

No, you owe me.

Everyone here owes me.

At the end of the day,

I'm the one responsible for keeping the lights on.

I'm the one responsible for those people's jobs,

those people's mortgages, those people's lives.

Those people are your family

and right now you are driving them fucking crazy!

My family collects a paycheck and goes home.

I don't have that luxury.

You started your own business.

That was your choice.

That's right.

And sometimes being in business

requires hard choices.

Like working for an egotistical,

insecure control freak.

Have you seen the new Palm Pilots?

Executive Assistants are becoming obsolete.

Let's go to work.

Alright.

By throwing out parking validations,

changing the Christmas gifts from Mont Blanc pens

to Mach III razors,

and prorating the money saved

from the highway project and the boxing club,

I bring the figure down to $38,000...

in the red.

Stanley, do you think I'm an egotistical,

insecure, control freak?

Absolutely not.

Well, you're wrong, I am.

But, do you know why?

I'm afraid of winding up in the poor house.

What?

Growing up in my house,

the one thing that was hammered into us again and again,

was if you don't show a profit,

you'll wind up in the poor house.

If you don't show a profit,

you'll wind up in the poor house.

Maybe it was because they were Depression Era kids, but...

damn if that's not what drives me.

You see, it's not because

I'm afraid of having just one bad year.

I'm afraid it's the start

on the road to the poor house.

Arliss, I'm sure that's not the case.

Are you?

You're helping to put me there.

Boss, I got it!

Rich Eisen's deal? You got it?

Better than that.

We are gonna sponsor a Bass Fishing team.

A what?

Kirby, we're in the midst of a fiscal crisis,

and you want us to sponsor Bass Fishing?

Oh, yeah.

There's gold in them thar lakes.

What gold?

What lakes?

We are here live at the Labor Day

Bass Angler Open,

and boy, what excitement!

I love Mars bars.

They love you.

Jesus, Arliss, you drag me out here,

say you got a scoop for "Access Hollywood."

I thought you meant A-Rod, not "a rod and a reel!"

Trust me, Pat, you're gonna love me.

Eisen: Each corporate sponsored boat

is manned by a single angler

and an observer.

Alright, baby, it's...

It's showtime.

Hel-lo!

Don't forget your rod, ding-dong!

Wow, wow, Pat, look at that!

Pat: Holy Christ!

Hey, guys, take a look at this!

Get a shot of this.

Get a shot, get a shot!

She's over there, that's her.

39 boats currently out there,

staking out their spots,

hoping to reel in the winning lunker.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's that?

- What is that? - I don't know.

Camera two, get tighter.

- Zoom in, zoom in! - Zoom in two, zoom in two...

Does anyone know her?

Debbie, could you get her bio for me?

We now take you out live to the far cove

where the Arliss Michaels Management sponsored boat

is stirring up a little action

with rookie angler, Christine Colgate.

That's right, fellas, we're doing some bass fishing over here.

Oh, my god, I'm stuck.

- What? - I'm stuck!

It's a fish, reel it in, reel it in!

Zoom in two, zoom in two. Tighter.

Oh, this is better than we thought.

Oh, my, she caught a fish!

Oh, my god, she did catch a fish.

Oh, boy, look at that.

Get closer, damnit.

Any tighter, we're gonna have to be on Cinemax!

Kirby: She caught a fish!

Kirby-cakes, I caught a fish!

- Aww... - Aw...

Arliss, is this your client?

It certainly is.

Rich: This is Christine's first tournament.

And according to her bio,

she loves angling, charity work,

Robert Clergerie shoes,

and the island of St. Bart's.

There's a new mermaid in town,

and she's making quite a splash.

Arliss: Mark, look, I know Kirby talked with you

about Christine,

but that was before she arrived on the scene

like Venus on the bass shell.

Arliss, I want Christine to give fishing lessons

at the Mavs games.

She can cast through the basket at halftime.

I don't think that's her strong suit.

Can she wear her fishing outfit?

Sure.

That's her strong suit.

Okay, I'll check her schedule.

You check your checkbook.

Later.

Cuban wants her.

Oh, I predicted as much. Here are the figures.

$176.42...

in the black.

Yeah, yeah! I did it!

You did it?

- You did it! - Who did it?

Who's in the black? Who's in the black?

Okay, I just talked to "People Magazine,"

"Good morning America," and Larry King,

and they all want Christine.

Kirby, in 25 years,

this is the best idea you've ever come up with.

Well, in 43 years,

she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Check this out.

Holy shit.

Two carats,

marquis cut on a platinum band.

I don't believe it.

So, we're finally about to lose one of the great ones.

Congratulations, buddy.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

Listen, Arliss you think it'd be alright

if I took off early?

Take the rest of the day off.

Hell, take the rest of the week off,

I don't care, we're in the black!

Thank you, thanks, Arliss, see ya!

And give her a big kiss for me.

So, all's well with the world.

Shall I make room for your humanitarian award?

Rita...

♪ Don't tell me not to fly ♪

♪ I simply got to ♪

♪ If someone takes a spill, it me and not you ♪

♪ Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade ♪

♪ Don't tell me not to ♪

(camera clicking)

Okay, now work that bait.

Yeah!

Okay, fellas, whattaya say we wrap it up?

She's getting that flashbulb tan

and we wanna keep that skin beautiful, okay?

- Yes. - Bye, thank you.

Kirby: You got a deadline, I'm sure.

Kirby, thank you, thank you, thank you.

That was the best weekend ever.

Well, I've got something

that might make it even better.

How is that possible?

Let me show you.

Darling, that was Emo.

He's insisting you model his spring line in Milan.

Oh, my god, Kirby, did you hear that?

And Victoria's Secret wants you on their catalog cover,

fishing in a teddy.

Oh, my god, my, my first cover.

My first cover!

Why is she here?

J.J. wants me back.

Of course I do.

I just wasn't myself the other day.

Shell-fish.

I've gotta get back to the office.

The phone's gonna be ringing off the hook.

Listen, don't pull agent crap on an agent.

Of course not, bye-bye, baby.

Yes, mm-hmm, bye-bye.

Christine, you don't need J.J.,

your career's taking off without her.

What are you talking about?

J.J.'s the best. I mean Victoria's Secret!

Victoria's...

I can get you a deal with Victoria's Secret.

I've got half a dozen deals in the works right now.

Kirby, I don't want you to be my agent.

What?

That's just not how I think of you.

Well, how do you think of me?

You're my Kirby-cakes.

But, you can't, I mean, you don't...

Let's just go get some dinner.

Wait a minute.

You're telling me you don't think

that I can represent you?

Let's not talk about this, okay?

No, who revived your career? Me.

Because of my ideas, J.J. wants you back.

But, you represent athletes, jocks.

I mean, how hard can that be?

The modeling world is a more,

sophisticated world.

What?

Look, J.J. said my modeling career

is getting a second wind.

And I just can't take the chance that you'd...

That I'd what, fuck it up?

♪ I'll march my band out ♪

♪ I'll beat my drum ♪

(phone rings)

Arliss Michaels' office.

Kirby, speak up.

What?!

♪ At least I didn't fake it ♪

Yes, sir!

♪ I guess I didn't make it ♪

I didn't make it.

Because of that bitch, I'm gonna lose my company.

Damn her! And you worked so hard.

Is she there with him now?

He didn't say, I guess so.

I hope so.

Typical Kirby, and with what he makes!

I am not about to lose my business.

Not for him, not for his girlfriend, not for anybody.

If you want me to go with you, I'd be more than happy...

No, no, no, I hired him, it's my problem.

Besides, I'm tired of you kissing my ass.

- (knocking) - Arliss: Kirby?!

(exhales)

Kirby, where is she?

Huh?

Where the fuck is she? We gotta fix this.

She's gone.

No, no, she is not gone, she is not gone,

she needs convincing.

Now, think, think, what do models want?

They want shoe deals. They want clothing endorsements.

(sniffing) They want...

I got it, I got it, tobacco products.

Arliss, she's gone, I asked her to leave.

What the fuck did you do that for?

Kirby, this is...

(whispers) Shit.

She said no?

I never asked her.

She doesn't want me to represent her.

The woman I love thinks I'm incompetent.

Arliss, I thought she was the one.

I really thought she was the one.

You've thought a lot of girls were the one.

You thought the twin synchronized swimmers were the one.

Sometimes I think I'm gonna wind up alone.

What?

It's my biggest fear.

I don't expect you to understand.

You're not afraid of anything.

Oh, I don't know.

Well, I'll always have the AMM family.

We'll always be together, huh?

Rita: Kirby...

I brought you a care package.

Oh, you sounded so awful on the phone.

Oh, no, I'm alright, Arliss is here.

Oh, then I won't be staying.

No, no, no, I'd like you to stay.

I'll open a bottle of wine.

Arliss, I was thinking about what I said earlier.

Rita, I need to talk to you for a second.

Sure.

Look, I'd rather not do this here.

Would you mind coming with me?

This is very difficult for me.

You've been a valuable member of the AMM team.

But given the current situation,

effective immediately, you are no longer

in the employ of Arliss Michaels Management.

Firing us won't solve your problems.

You still have issues at this agency, Mr. Michaels.

Uh, maybe, but,

the bottom line is, we'll get by. (chuckling)

You know, if I were to cut out your consulting fees

I would have made my year. (laughs)

Hey guys, you know I hate to fire and run,

but as you can see, I'm having a party.

Oh, Kirby, I know you're still hurting

but with time, you'll feel better.

I'm sorry, what?

Oh, you're fine.

♪ It's time to join hands ♪

Here you go, Veronica.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Rita, are we getting the Junior Jabbers

some new sweat suits?

Thanks, Arliss.

Arliss, this is a wonderful gesture.

But I don't think we should earmark

any more money for the boxing club.

Oh, yeah?

- (grunts) - (groans)

A toast, to my AMM family.

If I'm going to the poor house,

I'm taking you all with me!

(cheering)

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ I'm shining out for you ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo, reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ All the world can hear the sound ♪

♪ Of the love that we have found ♪

♪ With light ♪

♪ With our angel wings ♪

♪ Brothers, sisters, cross the land ♪

♪ Reach out and touch my hand ♪

♪ I'm reaching out to you ♪

♪ Spread the love out near and far ♪

♪ Shine, you look like a star ♪

♪ I'm shining out for you ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo hoo ♪