Original subtitles

Arliss: For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion

remains a fantasy.

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

What the hell's the matter with you, huh?

You understand what I'm saying?

Go sit out.

Kirby: Many times we only see

what the media wants us to see.

Get the fucking board.

- The trick is to look beyond the image to the person. - (chuckling)

(buzzer sounds)

What, are you out of your mind?

- Give me that ball, for Christ... - (whistle blows)

Why'd you stop it?

My boys take control of the game right after this.

These tirades run on television.

The university gets pressure.

What kind of pressure?

Half-court? Full-court?

Man-to-man? Zone?

Switching-collapsing man-to-man?

Am I going too fast for you?

Your methods are becoming an embarrassment

to this university.

Well, you didn't seem to mind my methods

when we went to the Final Four.

Or the income from my methods

that helped build a new library, a science lab,

your athletic center.

Coach Kraft runs the cleanest program in college basketball.

Rusty, no one is disputing your accomplishments.

It's your personal behavior that's offensive.

My personal behavior?

Tell me, how come my players have a higher graduation rate

than the rest of your whole fuckin' student body?

Coach, understand you are talking to your superior.

Sounds like what Truman said to MacArthur.

MacArthur was fired!

MacArthur didn't win four national championships.

Rusty... this isn't a game.

No, if it was a game, I'd be kickin' your ass.

Okay, everybody, let's just...

calm down.

I'm sure this can be resolved.

What Coach meant to say...

I said exactly what I meant to say.

I don't have time for this.

I got a game to prepare for.

This meeting is not over until I say...

(door closes)

Your client is a black eye on this university.

Why?

Because he doesn't put up with P.C. bullshit?

Rusty Kraft is the best college basketball coach in the country.

No, no, he's the best coach in the country,

and you don't appreciate him.

Kirby: In an era where every leader's actions

are dictated by the blowing winds of opinion polls,

precious few aren't afraid to speak their minds candidly.

No, no, no, Brady, goddamn it!

What planet are you on?

Look... you see the pick coming.

He can't see it, so he can't fight through it.

You gotta step up, make the switch,

and take him like that!

Kirby: The few who challenge us to reach our potential

and exceed it,

They are our true leaders.

They deserve our admiration and respect.

Hey, how'd it go with Dreyfus?

Your father doesn't make it easy for an agent, does he?

Agents, players, assistant coaches...

sons.

Your father's a great guy.

Did you know that I have never had any problem with any player

that came from your dad's program?

(blows whistle)

That's enough.

You're giving me cramps.

Brady.

- Yeah? - Come here.

You're not making the trip to Palo Alto.

What, coach? I'll play harder.

No, no, you'll study harder.

If you're gonna graduate with your class, and you will,

you will graduate with your class,

you have to start studying now.

Your dad's benching Brady?

Boy, Coach doesn't play any favorites, does he?

Hey, Skip, where the fuck is the Stanford printout?

Nope, no favorites.

Right here, Coach.

You make sure Brady hits the books.

I will not play him if he's failing,

- you got that? - Right.

So, what'd I miss?

Um, well...

Uh, why don't we go into your office?

Smell that sea air.

One of these condos would be a great investment

for Warrick Dunn.

Look at this space!

High ceilings, hardwood floors.

I mean, check out the square footage of these rooms!

Arliss, I made money to get out of this neighborhood.

Look past the obvious.

It's majestic, tranquil.

(helicopter noise)

What is that, a police helicopter?

Talk about security.

They swing by every hour on the hour.

No way.

Look, I promise you,

they're redeveloping the neighborhood.

And I promise you, if I don't get out of here, my car will be gone.

Later.

- Warrick... - (gunshots)

(grunts)

(gunshots continue)

Ohh!

(humming)

Whoa!

Catch any bitchin' waves, Moondoggie?

I'm working on my crossover.

To the nose!

What is this?

It's a surf trainer.

Develops surf-specific muscle memory.

Ha-hah! What?

Having a hard time visualizing an African American surfing?

No, I'm having a hard time visualizing anyone surfing.

Don't sharks still live in the ocean?

Ahh! I wish there was a word that

could adequately describe me out there.

There is...

chum.

Land whore.

How'd it go with Warrick Dunn?

He didn't bite.

And my hubcaps were stolen.

Well, I talked to the realtor, and she had a nibble.

Finally, who?

Mr. Raul Ruiz.

Who is...?

Big time crack dealer.

But he didn't feel safe at Whispering Waves,

so he went to the unit across the street.

However, she did rent one unit for two months.

Why only two months?

The police said Raul's sting

shouldn't take any longer than that.

I've sunk a million dollars into this place.

Nobody's livin' there!

Well, that's what you get for buying property in foreclosure.

It was a great deal.

And the city's gentrifying the neighborhood.

- In five years... - They'll be six years behind schedule.

I'm losin' money here!

Get me Jerry Stackhouse!

He'll do anything to get out of Detroit.

Zero tolerance?

What the hell is that?

Dreyfus wants the media to think

that she's gonna get tough on you.

Ah, fucking media.

You know, every time I turn on the TV,

there's some kid on there crying how it,

"It's not my fault. It's not my fault."

And the reporter's saying, "It's not his fault."

If Japan attacked us again today,

we'd find a way to say, "It's not their fault."

Exactly.

It's the "pussification" of America.

Ah, it's just all turnin' to shit.

Ohh, these faggot liberal cocksuckers.

They think I'm tough?

You know what my high school coach did

when we played like horseshit?

He put horseshit in our locker.

(chuckles) Did it work?

We went undefeated the rest of the year.

I love stories like that.

Tell me another one.

Coach... I hooked Brady up with a tutor.

Make sure she's cute, so he'll show up.

That always worked for me.

Oh, Dad?

Claire said dinner'll be on the table tonight at seven.

Make it eight, we got a game to prepare for.

Right.

- You're coming too, right? - Me?

Mmm.

You bet.

Whispering Waves is a solid investment.

I'm tellin' you, now is the time for Jerry Stackhouse

to buy real estate.

Except it's on the corner of Stab Me and Run.

Uhh, the city's redeveloping.

In five years...

They'll be six years behind schedule.

- Look, J... - Uh, Arliss, I need a moment.

Jerry, I can get you one hell of a deal.

Sorry, Arliss, this Piston is passin'.

Arliss! It... it's important.

What?

(Rita screaming)

Jesus Christ...

Ooh... Uhh, d... Arliss...

(screaming)

What's goin' on? What's goin' on?

Jesus Christ!

Arliss, this is Duke Agbayani.

Rather, was.

This is his family.

Is that a surfboard?

Not a surfboard,

the surfboard.

Carved from the sacred ulu tree on Oahu's north shore.

Hand shaped by the Duke himself!

Uh, Stanley, can I see you outside for a second?

Uh, my condolences.

Oh!

Why the fuck is that stiff in here?

That stiff is the father of surfing!

Duke Agbayani single-handedly

introduced the sport I love to the world.

Jesus, Stanley, just play golf.

His family didn't have the means for a proper burial,

so I took it upon myself to have him embalmed.

Wait!

You want A.M.M. to pay for this?

I said I took it upon myself.

I'm going on the internet to inform my surfing brethren

that the Duke has passed.

When they hear that he's riding his magic ulu board

on that... eternal wave,

they'll rally.

Stanley, I... I'm touched by your passion.

Now, take the Duke, and put him

on the fuckin' "A" train outta here!

Arliss!

Arliss... Arliss, let him stay, for 24 hours?

Why, is he gonna get better?

Prop him up at your house.

It's being renovated. Arliss, please.

This is important to me.

Okay, 24 hours.

But no more surf music in the office,

no more sand in the carpet,

and lose that patchouli oil.

Mahalo, brah.

Arliss, I am not working in the office

with that body lying around!

Ahh, pretend it's Kirby. And find me a new realtor!

No... Where you going?

You can go either way, but you can't fake, right?

- Right. - No faking, either way.

- No fake. - Which way you gonna go?

Oh... oh...

Yes, yes!

One more, one more, come on.

Your dad is the most genuine person I've ever met.

What you see is what you get.

Yeah, that's for sure.

Ohhh!

All right, now, championship time.

- Are you ready? - I am ready.

- You are ready? - I am ready!

Trey Kraft, 10 seconds to go, for State!

Yes!

Champion!

Champion, yay!

Trey: Yay!

Well, I guess we know where Trey's going to college.

If I had a son,

I'd have him commit to Coach.

If you had a son, I'd just have him committed.

(laughs)

The biggest problem in collegiate athletics

is that no one blames the kids for anything.

Take this big center out of LA.

He's got his hand out,

he signs with Kentucky.

NC-two-A finds out, puts Kentucky on probation.

What does the kid do?

He transfers to Arizona and plays for them.

So, where's his punishment?

Where's his responsibility, huh?

You're on the money.

You're a hundred percent right.

99% of the time.

I was wrong in '87.

Yeah, he didn't think Claire would marry me.

I guess she wasn't as smart as I thought she was.

I knew how to get good seats to a game.

We need more?

I'll take some away from the administration.

Do me a favor... don't.

I been through four presidents and six athletic directors.

They don't endure.

Skip/Coach: The program endures.

You're damn right!

Morning, Dwayne.

(elevator bell)

Oh, can you hold that elevator, please?

Hold it!

Thank you.

Excuse me, what is going...

Dwayne...

The man!

- Oh! - You working today?

Arliss, about hiring the new realtor,

why not let me do it?

No.

Arliss, please.

Arliss, I know I can do it.

What is this?

What makes you think you can sell condos?

Because they shouldn't be sold as condos.

They should be sold as timeshares.

Timeshares?

Timeshares are the way to go.

That way the units are more affordable, more buyers,

Do you see what I'm...

No!

There is no way I'm letting you be my realtor.

And nothing you say is gonna change my mind.

I'll take five percent commission instead of her six.

- Two. - Four.

- Three. - Deal.

Who the hell are all these people?

They're surfers,

come to pay their respects

To Duke Agbayani.

That's it, the Duke's hangin' 10 outta here!

Arliss, Listen...

How can I do business here?

Stanley! Listen to me, Rita!

I don't need the entire Spicoli family in my office!

No, you need them in Whispering Waves.

What?

Arliss, these surfers have come from all over

just to see the Duke's body.

They love him.

Now... what if he were enshrined in an oceanfront courtyard...

courtyard at Whispering Waves.

Agbayani Waves.

Those condos would be filled.

Not condos, Rita.

Timeshares.

Three percent, huh?

Yes!

(Hawaiian music playing)

Where he is now, the waves never stop.

Yeah, brah.

Is he being buried with his ulu board?

Those were his wishes.

Dude, that board belongs in a museum.

Or under my feet.

I hear it rips everything from one foot chop to gaping barrels.

Stanley?

Could I see you in your office?

(clears throat) Excuse me.

Arliss, I'm sorry.

Don't be.

You're doing the right thing.

Let the Duke stay as long as he wants.

Arliss.

Thanks.

I appreciate that.

And don't worry,

I've collected enough contributions

to take care of the funeral.

No!

I mean, uh, no. No, no.

Stanley, if you would allow me...

I'd like to take care of the arrangements.

Eh... you?

You know, I've made a pretty darn good living from athletes.

It's time I gave something back.

What a noble gesture.

Arliss, I'm touched.

Uh, one thing though,

I was planning to have the Duke buried

near the ocean.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

(chuckles)

What's so urgent?

This!

What part of zero tolerance does Coach not understand?

Your client has crossed the line.

(sniffing) Ooh... Jesus.

What stinks in here?

I want your resignation on my desk by the end of the day.

My resignation for what?

For filling players' lockers with horse manure.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Are you denying that this is your work?

You're goddamn right I'm denying it.

I don't know how this got here.

Rusty.

I said i didn't do it.

Now, you can help clean up, or get the hell outta here.

I was allowing you a graceful exit.

But if you want the school

to conduct a full scale investigation, fine.

Huh... I want to see all department heads in my office in an hour.

Kelly Slater, line one.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Kelly Slater, how's the prince of the pipeline?

Hey, doin' good, just watchin' Al Merrick work his magic here. What's up?

Listen, Kelly, I'm sure you've heard about the Duke's passing.

Yeah, that was heavy, man.

Duke was the real deal.

Yeah, gnarly.

Anyway, I'm planning a bitching memorial at, uh, Agbanyani Waves...

- Agbayani. - Agbanani Waves...

- Agbayani! - Agbayani Waves,

And I was hoping you'd help show the Duke his props by...

being on our board of directors.

Arliss, I know shortboards, not boards of directors.

Uh, look, look, look. It's an honorary position.

You don't have to do much.

Just allow us to use your name on the letterhead.

Uh, I don't know.

Aw, c'mon, Kelly, do it for the Duke.

Yeah, all right.

For the Duke.

See you, Arliss.

(dial tone)

- He's in. - (gasps)

- (laughing) - Oh! That seals it.

I've got 24 buyers waiting to write checks.

Twenty-four buyers at 150 thous...

3.6 million.

Less my three percent, or 108 thousand.

Hey... the Duke is dead.

Arliss/Rita: Long die the Duke!

♪ Melekalikimaka is the thing to say ♪

♪ On a bright Hawaiian Christmas Day ♪

Backup Singers: ♪ Christmas Day ♪

Arliss: ♪ That's the island greeting that we send to you ♪

♪ From the land where palm trees sway ♪

♪ Christmas coming early makes our profits great ♪

♪ The Duke will sell our timeshares ♪

♪ As he lies in state ♪

- ♪ Melekaliki... ♪ - (record scratching)

Stanley, how long have you been here?

Long enough!

Desecrating Duke Agbayani!

No, no, no, uh, I'm not desecrating.

He's not desecrating.

I'm honoring. Uh, the Duke'll have a shrine!

Like the unknown soldier.

- Ulysses S. Grant. - King Tut.

How dare you?

I'm telling the family!

Oh! Arliss, go do something!

Shit!

Put down that phone.

I will not allow this.

It is an insult to waveriders everywhere.

You know, I'm surprised at your selfishness.

Depriving your fellow waveriders access to their hero?

Dude!

Oh, fuck you, Arliss!

Stanley, I gotta get rid of these condos.

No!

I will not besmirch the memory of a legend.

I'll give you a free time-share. Off-season, of course.

Arliss, you don't understand.

Surfing is a part of my life!

It brings me joy!

It's more important than anything you can offer me!

Anything?

Arliss, I... I can't do this.

You want your $108,000, don't you?

Now, do you wanna lift the body, and I grab the board?

Or... or I'll grab and you lift?

Uh, I...

- Okay, I'll lift, you grab. - Okay.

Go.

Okay, okay.

One, two, three!

- Wooh! - (shouts)

(shouting) He's dead weight!

Pull your hands... (gasps) oh, my God, I just touched a dead person.

You said the same thing about your last boyfriend.

Okay, okay, okay.

We'll go again.

Hana wasn't built in a day.

Okay. Okay.

That's good, that's good.

One, two, boo!

(screams) Don't do that!

(chuckles)

Got her.

Both: One, two,

three!

(crashing sound)

Rita: Okay, now, just grab the board.

Hand it to me.

H... no, ow, ow, ow, ow, my hand, ow, ow, my finger.

Jack, Jack.

I can't endorse your department store.

But I'll tell you what I can do for you.

Remember Steve Parent, he played for me in late '80s?

Well, he's looking for a managerial position.

I think you two would make a very good match.

I promise you, he understands hard work.

Excellent.

Good, I'll have him call you.

Thanks, Jack.

Coach, you've done a lot for this school.

And the players.

(knocking)

You wanted to see me, coach?

Yeah, son, it seems the team was left a little gift this morning.

Yeah, I heard. (chuckles)

The administration wants to hang it on me,

and that won't help the program.

- No. - I agree.

So, I think you should confess.

I... I beg your pardon?

Tell them you took my car, you came in early,

and you did it as a motivational tool.

But Coach, I... I didn't...

They should suspend you for... a year.

It's no big deal, don't worry about it, I'll take care of you.

In fact, I'll see you're back here, with a raise.

Now, if you two don't mind, I've got a game to prepare for.

Oh, Skip?

Before you go,

bring me a tape of the last Stanford game.

Anything else?

There's no way I'm letting you do this.

You know, Skip, Claire's right.

If Coach won't come forward,

then I'll tel the administration

about his conversation with me.

What good would that do?

If they fire him, I lose my job anyway.

Besides, I'll be able to spend more time

with Claire and Trey.

You're rationalizing total bullshit.

It's a Kraft family trait.

He's my father, he needs me.

Skip, this could really hurt your coaching career.

I don't care about a coaching career.

But Dad does.

It's all he's got.

Your dad is on zero tolerance.

It's only a matter of time before he gets fired.

Then what?

Then, somebody else will hire him.

He's a great guy.

Remember?

Now, I can't promise you that if your son comes here,

he's going to start, but I can promise you

he'll leave a better man then when he entered.

He'll work hard, graduate,

and learn to take responsibility

for his actions.

Thanks.

Coach, it was an honor to meet you.

Good luck, son.

Well, that was, uh, quite a speech.

Yep.

So, Skip's doin' his part.

Yes, he is.

But I'm not.

What the hell are you talkin' about?

I think you should find yourself another agent.

Aw, c'mon, I'm doin' Skip a favor.

Let him sit out in the world for a year, see what it's like.

Yeah, maybe he'll come back a better man.

One who takes responsibility for his actions.

This program is more important than one individual,

including my son.

Does this program justify everything that you do?

You are wasting my time.

With Skip gone, who's gonna be there

to cover your ass next time?

Not me.

You get the hell out of my office now.

Move!

You were much more intimidating when I thought you were right.

Now, you just seem like...

an asshole.

Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?

Someone I used to admire.

TV announcer: Stanford leads 103...

I wanna thank all of you

for coming to the grand opening of Agbunyani Waves.

Agbayani!

Agbunyani Wa...

Agbayani Waves!

The Duke will lie in state here forever,

Watching those waves out on the ocean

Along with his sacred ulu board.

Dude, he's bein' buried with his board?

Yeah, that's righteous.

I should bury you with these sacred ulu splinters.

And so, I think it's only properly bitchin',

we celebrate the Duke

with a moment of silence.

(gunshots and screaming)

(man shouting)

TV announcer: It's over!

State upsets number one Stanford.

Hey, tell me about Coach Kraft!

This guy's unbelievable!

He's awesome, baby, with a capital "A"!

Kirby: "The time has come," the walrus said.

"To talk of many things.

"Of shoes and ships and ceiling wax,

"Of cabbages and kings.

"And why the sea is boiling hot

And whether pigs have wings."

My name is Kirby Carlisle.

I represent athletes.

This was my story.

Ha-ha!

The Duke's magic ulu board.

This is where I get... Oooh!

(hyperventilating)

(surf music playing)