Original subtitles

Arliss (narrating): For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy.

(screams)

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes,

these are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

- Man: Testing, one, two. - (moos)

Testing, one, two. Y'all hear me up there?

So, how much you want for ol' Armageddon here?

For Ty Murray, king of cowboys?

Oh, I'll let that bull go for $200,000.

$200,000?

Stanley, do you understand the market

for top shelf bull semen?

So, you got some Texas rancher

who's gonna pay $400,000 for Armageddon

after he's seen you ride him.

That's right.

You helped me in the bull market,

and I'm gonna help you in the bull market.

I'm doing you a big favor here.

I'm telling you, buy this bull.

Jim...

(moo)

(bell rings)

"What NBA player won four scoring titles

but never a championship?"

The "Ice Man," George Gervin.

Correct.

That's my partner.

"What New Jersey native, Tony,

is famous for his big appetite and big hits?"

- Tony Soprano. - What?

Tony Siragusa, duh.

Stop screwing around, Arliss.

We have two days to the game show.

I know, Rita, do I know?

He knows.

One miss and we're out.

- I know. - He knows.

I know I want to beat Dan Marino's score.

I'm tired of all the smart quarterback,

dumb lineman bullshit.

Tony, Marino's team only got two right.

I'm not gonna miss.

Next question.

"The 1983 Harvard-Yale game

"was the hundredth match-up

of that storied rivalry, who won?"

We'd like to use our Hail Mary.

Who you calling?

Here's a check for $100., 000.

I'll get you the balance tomorrow.

- (phone rings) - That's tomorrow, not the day after.

Got plenty other parties interested in that bull.

Don't worry, I've got a client who's looking to diversify.

Excuse me.

Stanley Babson.

Stanley, who won the 1983 Harvard-Yale game?

How should I know?

Oh, maybe because you went to Yale in 1983.

Arliss, when I was at Yale

I didn't have time for sports

because I was applying myself to business.

Now, if you don't mind, goodbye.

What'd he say?

He can't talk.

Right now he's knee-deep in some bullshit.

- I'll call Kirby. - Wait.

You only get one call.

That's on the show, this is now.

(phone rings)

Kirby: Mom, get the phone!

Will you get that? Jesus.

Where are the towels?

In the linen closet, where they belong.

Linen... What's a linen closet, where the...?

Just a minute, the phone's ringing.

Kirby Carlisle's residence.

Kirby's mother speaking.

Lila? It's Arliss.

- You're still there? - Yes.

I did find a nice condo with an ocean view,

but my suddenly thrifty son tells me it's too expensive.

Who is it?!

It's Arliss.

I'll be right there!

Can I ask what this is regarding?

Who won the 1983 Harvard-Yale game?

I haven't the foggiest idea.

Thanks.

No problem.

Yes!

What'd he say?

Um, he'll call back.

I gotta tell you, my sciatica's starting to act up,

I need to stretch. Study, study, study.

Next question.

"What Baltimore Raven tackle tips the scale

at a whopping 360 pounds?"

Yo, 351.

(applause)

(back cracking)

(grunting)

Woman: ♪ My romance ♪

♪ Doesn't have to have a moon in the sky ♪

♪ My romance ♪

♪ Doesn't need a blue lagoon standing by ♪

♪ No month of May ♪

Arliss (narrating): With all the choices confronting an agent,

it's easy to fear that one has let someone special get away.

♪ No soft guitars ♪

♪ My romance ♪

♪ Doesn't need a castle rising in Spain ♪

♪ Nor a dance ♪

♪ To a constantly surprising refrain ♪

♪ Wide awake, I can make ♪

♪ My most fantastic dreams come true ♪

♪ My romance ♪

♪ Doesn't need a thing ♪

♪ But you... ♪

(applause)

There you go.

Thanks so much for coming.

Could you please make it out to...

Arliss Michaels?

I recognized your voice before you got to the "please."

Well, I recognized your voice before you got to

♪ Moon in the sky ♪

How many times did you use that song as your audition piece?

Oh, I don't know, freshman year, sophomore year?

Junior year, senior year.

Yes, but, did it work?

Always.

It's great to see you.

You too.

Do you have time for a drink?

Didn't I always?

No.

No, time was the one thing you never had.

Don't remind me.

Oh, you'll never believe this.

Thank you.

I did a show in Billings, Montana.

- Billings, Montana. - Billings.

There I was, singing Cole Porter to a bunch of cowboys

who left their horses parked at the curb.

You love what you're doing.

Oh yes, I love it.

I love the singing, I love touring.

It shows, you look great.

You haven't changed a bit.

Oh, yes, I have.

In some ways I've changed a lot, believe me.

But you, look at you.

You are so manly, look at this suit.

What happened to the... The hooded sweatshirts?

(sighs) Robin,

I sit here looking into those luminous blue-green eyes,

and all I can think of is

how did I ever let you go?

You had your priorities.

Hustling, making deals,

making contacts.

You were busy becoming who you are now.

Arliss, what are you doing?

You just left, study, study, study, and you're gone.

Hi, sorry to interrupt.

Tony has to go soon, we don't have much time.

Mmm, there's that magic word again.

When are you leaving?

Day after tomorrow.

The day after tomorrow, I...

Have a game show.

Tomorrow?

Studying.

Yes, yes, I'm staying here at the hotel.

I'll call you.

Goodbye.

I can't believe you abandoned Tony like that.

Who is she?

(scoffs)

Stanley, we need that file on Rae Carruth.

"Harvard-Yale 1983."

- You think it's funny, it's a nightmare. - (laughing)

She's putting no-slip daisy decals

in my bathtub right now.

Oh, be a man.

Manhood has nothing to do with it.

She moved out to be near you, mission accomplished.

Near does not mean with.

I gotta get her out.

So, what's stopping you?

Money. She finally found a condo she likes,

but it's $90,000 more than I can afford.

Kirby, I would love to help you,

but my money's all tied up in semen.

Semen?

You're buying semen?

- I've got semen. - (groans)

(Rita laughing)

What's so funny?

You are!

Bingo, bingo,

that's the lingo!

Eli's bound to win.

E-L-I!

Holy shit.

How did you get this? How did you get into my files?

Bingo, bingo, that's the lingo.

A key will let you in.

You were a cheerleader?

I was not a cheerleader.

I was a yell leader, there's a huge difference.

Oh, yeah.

One has a pussy, the other is a pussy.

I'll have you know, that yell leaders

date back to the 19th century.

Our President, George Walker Bush,

was a yell leader.

Enough said.

- There's an art to galvanizing a rowdy crowd. - (scoffs)

My cheers helped save the day

in many a desperate situation.

Look, you must be saving the day right now.

Bulldogs, bulldogs, bow, wow, wow!

We're gonna stop you, now, now, now!

You were such a flamer.

A flamer?

I am not a flamer.

I was surrounded by cheerleaders.

I grabbed more co-ed ass than you can ever dream of.

What is that?

Ready, o-kay.

S-T-A-N-L-E-Y! S-T-A-N-L-E-Y!

Stanley, Stanley, go, Stanley!

I thought you told me you weren't into sports at Yale.

He wasn't, he was a yell leader.

He wasn't, he wasn't.

He says he was, but wasn't.

If you don't mind.

(phone rings)

Arliss Michaels' office.

One moment please.

It's Tony.

Tony! I feel so bad.

I've got a tewwible cold.

(coughing)

I'm leaving early tonight.

Don't worry, Rita will study with you.

What?

Damnit, Arliss, you cannot be sick for the show!

You're my encyclopedia!

(coughing)

Don't worry, I'll be fine tomorrow.

You better be.

(dial tone)

Who is she?

Why is that your business?

If you're going out today,

I need to know where you'll be and when you'll be back.

What if I'm not coming back?

What if I'm seeing her after work?

Ooh, meeting her at night.

How come?

When starting up a business...

you're forced to make certain sacrifices,

like relationships.

But sometimes fate is kind enough

to give you a second chance.

Rita, if I were to confess

to having any regrets in my life,

they'd all be Robin Stavros.

Oh, an old flame.

Robin Stavros?

Pretty damn old alright,

you knew her back in college.

I knew you back in college.

Does that make you pretty damn old?

My body doesn't have curves

that stick out

and get sucked down with time.

Oh, please.

She still have great tits?

Oh, excuse me?

Arliss is a tit man.

She's got great tits, she looks fabulous.

I wonder if her friends are asking her right now,

"How are his balls?

"Are they sagging down to his knees?

Does he have a one of those cottage cheese droopy butts?"

A man's butt doesn't change.

Lila: Kirby Francis Carlisle!

Oh, shit!

Don't tell her I'm here.

He's in here, Mrs. Carlisle!

Mom!

Here you are.

This is Don Finch.

John Lynch.

He's a safety monitor.

That's a strong safety.

John just bought his mother a beautiful new home.

Nothing too big, 3,000 square feet.

See, he's a sweet son.

My son doesn't want to buy me a condo in a safe neighborhood.

Kirby, I'm surprised.

Mom, can we talk about...

Listen, I want to go home

and finish alphabetizing those videotapes I found under your bed.

Mom, do not touch those tapes!

Robin: ♪ Someday ♪

♪ When I'm awfully low ♪

♪ When the world is cold ♪

♪ I will feel a glow ♪

♪ Just thinking of you ♪

♪ And the way you look tonight ♪

Arliss: ♪ Oh, but you're lovely ♪

♪ With your smile so warm ♪

♪ And your cheeks so soft ♪

♪ There is nothing for me ♪

♪ But to love you ♪

♪ Just the way you look tonight ♪

(pop)

(inaudible)

Robin: ♪ With each word ♪

♪ Your tenderness grows ♪

♪ Tearing my fear apart ♪

Both: ♪ And that laugh ♪

Arliss: ♪ That wrinkles your nose ♪

♪ Touches my foolish heart ♪

Both: ♪ Oh, but you're lovely ♪

♪ Never never never never change ♪

♪ Keep that breathless charm ♪

♪ Won't you please arrange it ♪

♪ 'Cause I love you ♪

♪ Just the way you look tonight ♪

♪ Just the way you look ♪

♪ Tonight ♪

(phone rings)

I gotta take it.

Of course you do.

Arliss Michaels.

How's your wittle cold?

What?

Arliss, you better get well quick.

I'm missing questions left and right.

I'm already feeling much much better.

And don't you worry, Tony,

you're my number one priority.

Of course he is.

Sleep well, wittle baby.

Now, where were we?

Arliss...

I love kissing you.

Listen...

- I'm listening. - Listen, there's something...

There's something that I need to tell you, okay?

I'm sorry,

but, right now I cannot keep my hands off your body.

I mean it.

Arliss, there's something I've got to tell you.

Well, that's what I was trying to tell you.

I had a mastectomy two years ago.

But, they got it all.

So everything's alright.

That's good.

I was gonna have reconstruction this year, but,

I'm a little tired of hospitals.

Yeah, I would think so.

I-I was going to tell you.

I certainly didn't want you to find out like this.

No, no, the important thing is that you're alright.

Yeah, I'm fine.

Good.

Um...

You don't happen to have any bottled water, do you?

Yeah, sure.

You know what, I'm sorry, I'm really not thirsty,

but, I guess I'm just exhausted.

Sure.

You had a long day.

I did.

Probably have another long day tomorrow.

I do.

Robin, it was great seeing you.

It was great seeing you too.

Next time when you're in town promise you'll call me.

Mm-hmm.

Bye.

Wait.

You forgot your phone.

Oh.

Thanks.

Hugh?! What do you mean you're out of the deal?

You told me you wanted to diversify.

Look here, Stanley,

why should Hugh Douglas get one bull for $100,000

- when for that, I can get a whole bunch of cows. - Exactly.

Cows? What are you gonna do with cows?

We like steak.

Porterhouse. Porterhouse.

I have got $100,000 on the line here!

Sorry, partner, you have to find someone else to do this deal.

Exactly.

Who?!

Who?

25 percent interest weekly?

Nunzio, help me out.

It's not like I'm gambling.

I gotta get my mom out of the house.

Show some compassion!

Put down the phone.

Do you mind?

You give me $100,000 today,

I'll give you $200,000 back tomorrow.

Nunzio, let me get back to you.

This better not be a joke.

Hugh Douglas walked out on a sure thing.

Now, I am offering you one minute for this opportunity,

though after the disrespect you showed me,

I don't know why I should. (phone rings)

Don't answer that, in or out?

Hugh Douglas, I wasn't your first choice.

No... in or out?

Now you need me.

- Fine. - (intercom buzzes)

Rita: Kirby.

What is it?

- Your mom's on line three. - I'm in!

Rita: Arliss, Tony wants us in the studio in an hour.

He's called three times in past 10 minutes.

I'd say he's a little wound up.

Shit.

How'd it go last night?

(mutters)

I take it you didn't propose to her.

Maybe I should wear the red tie.

Which looks better on TV?

The blue.

What happened?

I was an asshole.

Well, that's never stopped you before.

I fucked up.

Everything was going great, it was better than great.

We went back to her place, we were making out.

And then I went to feel her up, and...

she wasn't there.

She wasn't there, what do you mean she wasn't there?

Mentally, spiritually?

Physically.

I don't understand.

Physically.

Oh, my god.

Do you mean...

Oh, and you did what?

I didn't know what to do!

I didn't know what to say.

I was shocked, I was freaked out!

Basically, I fled.

You fled, you just left?!

I didn't know, I just couldn't!

And she didn't tell you before?

She tried.

I was too...

I gotta get going.

You boys just bought yourself Armageddon.

(clears throat) I hope you got a big backyard.

I don't want a pet bull, this deal better happen.

See that guy over there?

The guy with the fringe jacket?

That's Ty Murray's buyer from Texas.

So Ty rides Armageddon.

Shows him off, Mr. Fringe Jacket buys him, doubles our money.

What if Ty gets thrown?

He'll like that even more.

(laughs) Thank you, God! Thank you!

Let's go.

(elevator bell rings)

I'm going over there.

Where?

Her hotel.

Now? Arliss, you're already late.

Rita, this is a great girl, I can't let it end this way.

I mean, shouldn't I go back and try to make it work?

If I were her I'd tell you to fuck off.

Exactly, I'm going.

Well, what about the game show?

You'll take my place.

What?!

You only have to get three right.

I've got my cell, you guys need me, I'm the Hail Mary.

Arliss, you can't do this.

I can't wear this on TV.

What am I supposed to tell Tony?

Make something up, you're a good liar.

Rita, I don't want to lose her again.

Shit, shit!

No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

What are you doing here?

I thought I missed you.

Well, what do you want?

I don't have much time.

I wanted to say goodbye.

Goodbye.

Actually, I wanted to say hello.

Robin, I'm so sorry, it caught me by surprise.

I was a jerk.

I mean, you've seen me be a jerk before.

Actually, no.

I never used to think of you as a jerk.

Robin, I'm crazy about you.

I love everything about you.

Your eyes, your voice,

your upper range, your lower range,

your smell.

You're really mad, aren't you?

I'm so sorry.

(sighs)

The Tony Siragusa team,

here is your first question.

Who was the first defensive player

to be named NFL player of the year?

Easy. Tony?

Rita?

We'd like to use our Hail Mary.

You're every bit as beautiful as I remember.

(sighs)

(phone rings)

Aren't you gonna answer it?

(phone ringing)

(line ringing)

Who are you calling?

He's calling his agent.

My ex agent.

Alright guys, let's go.

Ready to giddy-up?

We call that "cowboy up."

Well, cowboy, let's go get 'em!

Alright.

Kirby? There you are.

That cheap seat is way too high.

I can't see a thing.

Ty, wake up.

He's gotta ride, he's gotta ride!

This place smells like poop. I just want to go home.

What is this, one of your drunk friends?

I'm not gonna stay around here

while you party with these kind of people.

Shame on you, look at that!

Announcer: Here's the seven-time world all around champion,

Ty Murray,

on a notorious bull called Armageddon.

Kirby, get off of that poor bull!

It's not worth it.

Yes...

It is.

Let him go.

Announcer: And here they go.

Out of the chute like a load of dynamite.

Holy cow, Ty Murray's on the ground.

I've never seen him bucked off this quick.

That's my bull! That's my bull!

Kirby, get out of there!

Announcer: Ty seems to be a little dazed.

Kirby, get up!

- Oh! Oh, boy! - Announcer: He's in trouble, folks.

Ladies and gentlemen,

someone has just jumped into the ring.

And I don't have any idea what he's doing.

I don't think he knows what the heck he's doing.

Give me a "B!"

Crowd: "B!"

Give me a "U!"

"U!"

- Give me an "L!" - Crowd: L!

Announcer: Look out now, partner,

he's not called Armageddon for nothing.

Bulldogs, bulldogs, bow, wow, wow!

Oh, Jesus!

Announcer: Well, I'll be, it worked, Ty Murray is safe.

Oh.

Thanks, man.

I mean, that was... That was, I mean...

- Wow. - (whimpers)

C'mon, honey, I'm gonna miss the plane.

♪ ...doesn't need a castle rising in Spain ♪

♪ Nor a dance ♪

♪ To a constantly surprising refrain ♪

You never signed my CD.

I'll sign it when I'm back in town.

♪ ...I can make ♪

♪ My most fantastic dreams come true ♪

♪ My romance... ♪

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ ♪