Original subtitles

(dramatic music plays)

Arliss: For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy.

(shouting)

Arliss: But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them.

We live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

- ♪ ♪ - (splashes)

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never ♪

♪ Wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

Man on P.A.: Six minutes to post time. Six minutes.

Arliss: So, Oda's balking at paying you

the 2.5 million to ride Wonder Boy,

but I hold the trump card.

In our rotisserie league, Oda needs stolen bases,

so I say, "Oda, give us a 2.5,

and I'll throw in Robbie Alomar."

He says, "Deal."

Arliss, you constantly amaze me.

Why? You just won the Preakness,

you're Asian.

Asian-American.

Asian!

And I knew one of those Far East companies would pay

and pay and pay.

Don't worry. I'm gonna ride Wonder Boy all the way to the bank.

And, Arliss, having you for an agent

is better than life insurance.

Tommy, you're in good hands with Arliss.

(hissing)

(muffled shouting)

No, no, no!

Turn it off, turn it off!

Tommy, you okay?

Tommy, can you hear me?

Tommy, can you hear me?

(muffled groan)

Tommy? Tommy?

(playing "Taps")

Man: He beats nicotine, alcohol, drugs,

and an air bag gets him.

How does that happen?

It was an accident. I swear it was.

- What? - Nothing, nothing, never mind.

I lost a good friend.

You? I lost an entire department.

An agent can only represent one jockey, you know.

We should talk.

Yeah? How many races you win this year?

None yet.

This isn't the time.

♪ ♪

- Rebecca... - Roberta.

I meant Roberta.

I can't tell you how sorry I am about this.

Thank you, Arliss, this is such a shock.

Priest: I shall now read from Psalm 23.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."

I'm glad Tommy made you his executer.

Executor, executor.

(sobbing)

Tommy's will clearly states

that he leaves everything to his wife,

so I foresee no delays in getting the estate settled.

Good, I'll stop by tomorrow.

You can walk me through my inheritance.

"dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Amen.

There is one deal, however,

still on the table we need to talk about.

(sobbing)

Good, good, around 11:00 tomorrow.

Arliss: I've learned that professional relationships can be fickle.

Some last forever, some are over in a flash.

(camera clicks)

How old does he need to be?

17. What country?

17.

Dominican.

Okay, let's see,

Denmark, Dubai, Deutschland.

Dominican Republic. Here we go.

- How's Bill doing? - Oh, he's fine.

He's up for parole this week.

- Oh good, send him my love. - I will.

I gotta run. Can you drop it by the office?

Sure. You sure you don't need anything else?

Credit card, driver's license?

No, no, a birth certificate will be fine for eligibility.

- Alrighty. - Okay.

Wait, hold on. You forgot your smog certificate.

Thank you.

Arliss: I forge relationships whenever I can.

The mettle of a man is how he treats others.

Look past the obvious.

- Do not judge, lest ye be judged. - 'Sup, dawg?

Hey, hey, hey, get away from the car!

C'mon, man, help me out.

I just had this washed!

Will you back off, you bum?

♪ ♪

Dennis!

Hey, Dennis!

Wait a minute, Dennis! Wait up, Dennis!

Wait, wait!

Get out of the way!

- Kiss my ass! - Shit!

Announcer on TV: Tommy Takega's in the winner's circle once again.

What have you got to say, Tommy?

What a ride!

I just got on board, he did the rest.

Alrigh...!

Tommy Takega winning the Preakness...

a moment embedded in every Asian's memory.

That's just it, a memory.

It would have been such a coup for the company

to have Tommy ride Wonder Boy, and now...

And now he can still ride Wonder Boy.

Arliss, if you think this is gonna get back Robbie Alomar, forget it.

He stole two bases for me last night.

No, I'm serious. I just gotta get Mrs. Takega to sign off on the deal.

How is a dead man going to be able to ride Wonder Boy?

Oh c'mon, John Wayne's dead, and I saw him selling beer last night.

If I go back to the company and tell them

I'm going through with the Wonder Boy deal,

I'm gonna lose face.

Trust me, it'll work.

Besides, you could stand to lose a little face.

(laughs) Two stolen bases, huh?

How many did you get?

Here you go.

Sally, you are an artiste.

I'm also overdrawn. I need payment.

Thank you.

Alright, anytime, adios.

I'm in last place in saves.

Would you be interested in trading for Rocker?

Never mind. Look,

call me when you get the widow's release.

Will do. Will do.

Arliss, I just saw Dennis Colby on the street.

Dennis Colby, Dennis Colby. Denn...

College coach Dennis Colby?

Yeah, he was holding one of those "will work for food" signs.

- He looked homeless. - Dennis Colby was a graduate assistant coach,

Key word: graduate. That means a degree, he's not on the streets.

Kirby: Arliss, it was him.

No, no, it was probably somebody who looked like him.

People tell me all the time I look like David Keith.

How'd it go with Sally?

Could you tell that this is a forged Dominican birth certificate?

I couldn't tell if it was a real Dominican birth certificate.

Arliss, I'm sure it was Dennis.

Look, Rita, I need you to start handling Tommy's affairs.

When Mrs. Takega gets here, I want her to know

that I'm taking good care of the estate.

Mrs. Takega is here, in your office.

Now? She's early.

I can't believe you're actually trying to close a deal on a dead guy.

Why not? This might be his last commission.

Kirby: Arliss.

Sorry, please, I'm grieving.

♪ ♪

Roberta, I'm so glad...

Mr. Michaels?

Debbie Takega.

Debbie Takega.

And you're Tommy's...

(sobbing) My Tommy.

They took my Tommy.

I'm so sorry.

You're Tommy's...?

I always feared he'd be killed under galloping hooves.

But, no, a bag of air.

A simple bag of air.

It was an accident.

Mr. Michaels, where are his ashes? He was cremated, right?

He got stuck in a dumbwaiter once

and had a mortal fear of small boxes.

The ashes? Yes, I have them.

They're at the cemetery. I can get them for you.

How long did you say you were married?

Five years.

(sobbing)

(mouths)

I understand that you're the executer of the will.

Executor, executor.

Tommy told me he was leaving me everything.

Is that correct?

Well, he... he left everything to his wife, yes.

There is one deal still on the table, however...

(clears throat)

Why am I canceling? Because he's dead.

Hello, I'm here to see Arliss Michaels.

Yes, one moment please.

I faxed you the death certificate.

How much more proof do you want?

Arliss, the Wonder Boy deal is fine by me.

- That's great. - You have my blessing.

- Arliss: Fine. - Hello, Arliss.

♪ ♪

Roberta!

Would you excuse me one second?

Would you mind please waiting in my office,

while I show Mrs. Tak... (mumbles) out the door?

Oh, one second,

I need Mrs. Takega to sign these forms to close the account.

We can hold off on this right now.

Wonderful.

Excuse me, what are you doing?

This isn't important to take care of.

I'm taking care of my husband's estate, thank you.

Ms. Wu asked for Mrs. Takega.

- That's right. - This is a time of mourning, not a time for business.

Mrs. Tommy Takega.

I'm Mrs. Tommy Takega.

No, you're not, I am.

Arliss, what the fuck is going on?

Um... well, it seems we have an unusual situation here.

Oh, my god.

Nothing that can't be settled, however.

Apparently Tommy was a very generous man.

It seems he had a lot of love to give.

You mean her?

Oh, my god.

I'll see you in court!

No, I'll see you in court.

- (scoffs) - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

When I think of all the blow jobs I gave him.

And he would never think of giving back.

His idea of 69 was six.

- Hey, what about the Wonder Boy deal? - Mr. Michaels,

- I don't know if this is a good time right now... - It's not!

Mrs. Takega! Mrs. Takega!

Ah! Jockeys!

A bunch of oversexed little creeps!

Man: Catch you later.

See ya, bud. Yeah.

(chattering)

Hey, how you doing?

Hey, it's the asshole who tried to run me over.

I'm really sorry.

Dennis! Z-out, right!

Thumbs together, elbows out.

You always were a prick about that.

What are you doing here, Carlisle?

I just, you know, thought I'd come by to hang,

maybe talk about old times.

Do I look like I want to talk about old times?

I just thought...

That was always your trouble, thinking.

Leave me alone, forget you ever saw me.

- Dennis! - Take off.

What do you mean, the miles aren't transferable?

Woman on phone: I'm sorry, ma'am.

Our policy is the mileage can only be used by the name on the account.

But he's got over a million miles in his account.

Are you going to tell me that no one is gonna be able to use them?

Woman: Sorry, ma'am, the miles can only be used by Tommy Takega.

That's ridiculous, that's unfair. That's...

all.

Thank you for your time.

A martini is what?

One part gin and six parts gin, right?

Arliss, can we talk business?

Of course, I've had nothing on my mind

but Keith Van Horn all day.

Are you sure it's okay to cross the picket line

- and do that Nike commercial? - Wait a minute,

You went to school at Brigham Young, right?

- Utah. - Same thing.

How do they deal with having more than one wife?

Arliss, I'm not Mormon.

Well, something must have rubbed off on you.

I mean, do you know the name of a good polygamist attorney?

Arliss, I'm not Mormon.

Of course not.

I mean, you can be just as miserable with one wife, right?

No, no, no, don't cook over this can

until the paint burns off.

Oh! Still coaching, huh?

Why are you here?

I just had an extra tent, I thought you might want it.

No... thanks.

Okay, fine.

You know, it's a free country.

I think I'll just set up my little camp right here.

(poles clatter)

I can't believe you took us to the Rose Bowl.

Yup.

I also don't believe you celebrated the victory

by getting a mohawk, passed out in the hotel lobby,

and missed the team plane.

Oh, yeah, forgot about that.

So, you see any of the guys?

Dennis: Nah.

I don't invite them over much.

They bring their kids,

the little rugrats end up trashing my furniture.

Dennis... what happened?

I think it's a Hemingway book where someone asks a guy how he went broke.

The guy says, "Slowly at first, then very fast."

I heard about the... incident.

Incident, shit.

Somebody blew the whistle and they made an example out of me.

The players got a slap on the wrist.

I got fired, blackballed, pretty much screwed.

Fuck. Weren't you married?

Stayed married, for a while.

Took a job in my father-in-law's lumber mill.

You want to test a marriage? Work for your wife's father.

Dennis, I can help.

Don't.

I'm okay.

Oda, don't give up on this deal yet.

I'm telling you, this is me talking,

Arliss Michaels, the working man's friend.

Arliss, it was a crazy idea.

It's complete misigas.

No, no, no, no, we're putting somebody else on Wonder Boy.

Look, look, I just need a little more time.

For what?

Your client is dead and so is the deal.

Now, what do you want for Pokey Reese?

Look, Oda, don't...

I'll call you back.

Mrs. Takega.

Hope it's okey-dokey to visit so late.

It's just, I need someone to talk to.

Whatever I can do to help, please.

When I heard about Tommy, I was on a Smithsonian tour.

Take everything you've ever heard about sphinxes

and multiply it by 40.

That's how grand they are.

Mute, mysterious...

erotic.

Erotic?

As executor,

your word is gonna have a lot of weight in the court.

So I thought that we...

you and I, could work something out.

Well, the Wonder Boy deal is still pending.

Ah. You seem like the wonder boy to me, Mr. Michaels.

Well, you know, normally I commission between 10 and 15 percent.

You deserve 20, big ones.

20? That's really great.

(chuckles)

By the by, did you procure the ashes?

The ashes?

Yeah, yeah, I got 'em.

You go get them for me?

Oh, sure, I'll procure them for you right now.

Just wait here.

Ashes, ashes, ashes, ashes.

Ashes, ashes, ashes. Shit.

Urn, urn.

Ashes need an urn.

Arliss, I need to see you.

Roberta, of course, come on in. Come on in.

Quickly, quickly, quickly.

So I don't know if you knew...

perhaps you could tell by my diction

that I'm an actress.

I'm not surprised.

Mr. Michaels...

do you think you could help me?

Of course I'll help you.

But concerning the Wonder Boy deal,

do you think 25 percent would be reasonable?

For a man as dedicated as you, Mr. Michaels,

I'd be willing to offer 30 percent.

Mmm.

With a bonus.

30 percent, that's very generous of you, oh! Oh!

Is that my phone? Would you excuse me? I'll be right back.

(mutters) Oh, Jesus Christ.

30 percent.

(blows)

Here's... Tommy!

I knew I could count on you.

I can count on you, can't I?

Of course you can.

But... I just realized

there were some other expenses in the Wonder Boy account

that I hadn't counted on.

Would you mind terribly if my commission was 35 percent?

Ooh, the price is rising.

Is there anything else rising as well?

Ooh, you make a good point.

I'll go check the thermostat. Be right back.

Arliss, I hope we don't have any further interruptions.

I'm anxious to consummate our deal.

Could we consummate to the tune of maybe 40 percent?

Sure, get out your pen and sign.

Ooh, hold that thought.

Arliss, I believe in mixing business with pleasure.

Think of me as your pleas-du-jour.

Oh, I do. Do you think of me at 45 percent?

You whore!

Who you talking to?

Both of you!

Who are you calling "whore"?

- Slut! - Bitch!

Ladies, ladies, would Tommy have wanted it this way?

I'll see you in court.

We don't have to go to court!

There's plenty enough to go around for everybody.

C'mon, ladies, can't we work this out?

Fuck you!

Oh, I bet Morocco is lovely this time of year.

How many miles would I need for a first-class ticket?

(chuckles) Go for it.

Now with two nights at the Ritz,

would I have enough miles left over for a stopover in...

Crete?

(clears throat)

Can I help you?

It's funny you should say that.

'Cause I've been thinking a lot about helping,

and it's like that expression, you know? "Can I help you?"

We say that all the time, but do we really mean it?

Yes.

Yes, I've always wanted to go to the Greek isles.

Remaining balance?

34 miles.

Th... that's okay, just let them accrue.

- Thank you. (sighs) - (phone clicks)

Going on a trip, huh?

A whirlwind tour, six stops.

I'm gonna use up all my saved vacation days.

The longest trip some people get to take

is from one end of LA to the other.

Kirby, I've got to take care of all this estate business before...

Oh, jeez, 5:00.

He was my coach, Rita.

You know, I really feel like I should do something.

I was gonna talk to Arliss to see if he could help.

Arliss isn't here.

Shit!

I've gotta go. Good luck.

Do you know where Arliss is?

Oy. Tommy,

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

You never gave me this much trouble when you were alive.

You were one of the good ones.

You were an ideal client. I'm sorry I killed you.

But it was an accident. You know it was an accident.

- You were there. - (phone ringing)

Hold on, don't go anywhere. (sighs)

- (beeps) - Arliss Michaels.

Arliss, listen, it was Dennis I saw,

and he's really down on his luck.

We've gotta help him.

Yeah, sure.

And before you say no...

- We can? - Yeah, we only go around this way once.

Let's help him.

Th... thanks, Arliss.

Thanks a lot.

- (beeps) - (sighs)

Jesus, where was I?

I'm sorry I killed you, and...

oh, I know, how the hell'd you handle this thing?

I mean, that was quite a stable you kept.

I mean, what do I do? I wish you were here now.

I feel the same way.

You don't quit.

You know, you're the only one who comes to see Tommy here.

It's no surprise.

He spoke about you all the time.

I appreciate the kind words.

But, frankly, if this is about representation...

No, it's not.

Well... maybe it is...

in a way.

Ladies, meet Luis Sanchez,

the inheritor of Tommy's Takega's estate.

What?

My husband had a husband?

That's right.

And your husband's husband is the sole beneficiary

of Tommy's last last will and testament.

I don't believe it.

It's disgusting!

It's on file in Vermont.

Tommy wasn't a fag. No offense.

I'm sorry, he loved both of you.

But on a physical plane...

the passion just wasn't there.

Oh, spare me.

So we're gettin' nothin'?

No, no, no, not at all, not at all.

Luis, being a sensitive and generous spouse,

has decided to offer you other spouses

the payout from Tommy's life insurance policy.

Which is worth?

A lot more than the "Enquirer" will pay for opening your mouth.

I'm not taking this lying down.

Me neither. We're gonna fight.

Oh, contest this and you might wind up with nothing.

I mean, come on.

Do you really want it coming out

that Tommy was a bigamist... trigamist

who rode side saddle?

How's it gonna make you look?

Ladies, come on, this is a win-win.

What do you say?

Luis, when you and Tommy used to, you know, fool around,

did he do the nine?

Ugh!

Woman on P.A.: Mr. Roger Bentz...

Morocco, Crete, Paris, Milan?

You're going on quite a trip.

I'll need to see a photo ID.

♪ ♪

Thank you, Ms. Takega.

Mrs. Takega.

♪ ♪

Alright!

What a ride!

I just got on board, and he did the rest.

Announcer: Wonder Boy...

Natsuhama's latest

all-purpose lawn maintenance vehicle.

Yeah! All right!

Announcer: This commercial was shot in India.

Mmm. Tommy looks good.

Arliss, only you could raise the dead to cut the grass.

Now, my friend, what do you want for Albert Belle?

I hear India is the second leading producer of motion pictures.

India? They'll need blondes. I'm a natural blonde.

We all are, honey.

Arliss, thank you for taking me on as a client.

Luis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

(chuckles) Mmm.

Arliss: My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ ...through the night ♪

♪ We must avenge the innocent ♪

♪ So their souls can sleep tonight ♪

♪ And ever more ♪

♪ Please say a prayer ♪

♪ For my Ma and Pa ♪

♪ 'Cause you know I won't ♪

♪ See them again ♪

♪ Lord, give me strength ♪

♪ To erase my foe ♪

♪ So that we may ♪

♪ All live free again ♪

♪ And again, and again ♪