Original subtitles

(dramatic music plays)

Arliss: For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy.

(shouting)

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them.

We live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

- ♪ ♪ - (water splashes)

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is ♪

♪ That makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never ♪

♪ Wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something ♪

♪ Oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met ♪

♪ You had a hold on me? ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together ♪

♪ Honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something ♪

♪ Oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me? ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

(rock music plays)

Arliss: Of all the major sports,

it is the pace of baseball

which lends itself most to rich description.

Jogging in from the bullpen,

young Rosado, a good-looking pitcher

with a motion that reminds one of the legendary '40s pitcher,

Kirby Higbe.

I say legendary because Kirby, though married,

was a notorious ladies man on the road.

Story goes that one day one of Higbe's lady friends

sent to him a love letter to his house,

reveling in the passionate details of their assignation.

Unfortunately, the pitcher's wife read the letter

and confronted him.

And, in one of the great bluffs of all time

he calmly replied,

"Must be a different Kirby Higbe."

(chuckles)

That, my friends, is what the French call "chutzpa."

Tied at three, bottom of the sixth.

We'll be right back.

(sighs)

Summer, baseball,

and the legendary voice of Lenny Crowley.

- There is a God. - Mm-hmm.

Listen, you want to have dinner at God's place tomorrow night?

Mattie's baking her spiced eggplant.

- Mattie's eggplant? I'm there. - Yeah.

Janie Putnam will be there too.

Janie Putnam, the organist with the mischievous left hand?

The organist with the unemployed left hand.

Since when? Unemployed?

Since dot-com whosis kid decided to go rock and roll.

Why?

They call it "progress."

Lenny, in five, four...

Tomorrow night at 7:00.

The pitching change having been made,

Matt Williams steps to the plate.

Williams has not gotten the ball out of the infield

today against Drysdale.

- Drysdale? - (bat cracks)

A grounder through the middle!

Elster, behind second, spears it.

Turns, throws to first. In time!

- Say, hey, whaddya say? - (mouths)

Great play to end the Arizona rally.

Arliss: The announcers of America's pastime help us recall our past.

Their voices harken back to simpler times...

Barbecues, and backyard ball games.

(rock music plays)

Oh! Base hit.

Man on first and third.

Two outs, bro-ski.

Ozzie, could you lower the music a little bit?

I think I know now what's juicin' the ball.

Arliss, this is the 21st century, man.

Fans want to rock.

A lot of fans like tradition.

(mimics John Huston) "The future, Mr. Gittes, the future."

Uh-huh. Well, as long as we're talking about the future,

let's talk about the future of Lenny Crowley.

We want a three-year extension.

Three years? How old is Lenny?

- (grunts) - Lasorda: Time!

Ozzie, what in the world are you swinging at?

This guy couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.

Lasorda, why aren't you coaching the Olympic team?

This guy's paying me 10 grand an hour, that's why.

Look, Ozzie, since you bought the team,

you've changed the ballpark, the music, the food.

Lenny Crowley is the most identifiable element

of your entire organization.

Now, do you really want him driving down the I-5

to Anaheim or San Diego?

If you catch my drift.

For every athlete,

there comes a moment when he must reach deep down inside

and seize the glory.

Now, let's try this again.

Give me your paw.

Wesley. Ugh!

Wesley, stop that!

Sorry to bring you my laundry, Arliss,

but me and my lady are having a fight.

Let me guess...

Kobe's getting married.

Now, your lady wants a ring.

Yeah, I can't go home for a few days.

Can't you hang with the other Clippers?

- They all split. - When?

Halfway through the season.

I mean, it's just a few things.

♪ ♪

Thanks. Later, baby.

(phone ringing)

Oh! Coming, coming, coming, coming.

Arliss Michaels.

Rudy Martzke! How's the "USA Today"?

Returning your call, Arliss.

Which of your clients have I slandered now?

Listen, there's a little rumor flying in the air

I thought I might blow your way.

Blow me.

The venerable voice of a certain LA team

may jump crosstown if he doesn't get a new three-year deal

from www.I-got- more-money-than-God- new-teamowner.com.

Arliss, you leak more than the Exxon Valdes.

Here I am trying to do my good friend a solid.

Hey, let me repay you for this little windfall.

How would you like your byline in my column next week

while I'm on vacation?

You're repaying me by having me do your job for you?

Think about it, Arliss. National media.

"USA Today."

You can write whatever you want

about whomever you want.

Arliss: Instant replay's like a woman.

Can't live with it. Can't live without it.

Dot dot dot. Mmm!

Will somebody tell me the difference

between Hydrox and Oreos? Dot dot dot.

You say fine acting, I say Steven Segal, dot dot dot.

You say incoherent shit, I say Arliss Michaels.

- What is this? - It's an opinions column.

- These are my opinions. - You really want your name

On a big pile of half-baked thoughts and ellipses?

That's right, I do. Let me know when you're finished.

I... when I finish it?

That's right, Miss Ellipses.

Oh, and make sure you use a 1990 picture of me

for the byline, dot dot dot.

Oh! (scoffs)

(plays "Charge")

55,000 faithful Angelenos stand shoulder to shoulder

in Chavez Ravine,

one out away from seeing history made.

I wonder how this ends.

(chuckles)

More eggplant, Arliss?

Oh, no, no, no, thank you very much. No.

(whispers) No, no. Keep going.

Richardson leads away from second.

Elston Howard from first.

Koufax mops his brow, heaves a sigh,

stares into the late afternoon shadows

that have crept across home plate.

- The pitch... - Both: A little hopper over the mound.

Wills charges, scoops, throws to first.

In time!

Say, hey, whaddya say?

Break out the brooms, LA!

We just swept New York!

(both laugh)

(piano music plays)

Ladies and gentlemen,

the voice behind the mike,

Lenny Crowley.

Accompanied by the legendary Janie Putnam.

Hey.

Now available to perform in living rooms

all over the neighborhood.

Oh, they were fools to let you go.

Ah, that young owner is really shaking things up.

Yeah, but one thing he's not gonna shake up

is the voice of LA,

which is why I'm gonna have no trouble getting you

a new three-year extension.

- Three years. - (groans)

Really?

Oh, sure, I mean, we are in a great bargaining position.

Leonard.

C'mon, relax, Mattie.

Hey, Janie, let's hear that left hand kick up some dust.

♪ ♪

Sweetheart.

I feel a grove thing coming on.

Janie: ♪ Leave the worry on your doorstep ♪

♪ Just direct your feet ♪

♪ To the sunny side of the street ♪

♪ Oh, Janie, can you hear ♪

♪ The pitter and the patter of the raindrops ♪

♪ Falling on your fire escape ladder ♪

Aren't you glad I rescued you from Tulsa?

(laughs) Aren't you glad I got you out of the Bronx?

Yeah.

Both: ♪ I used to walk in the shade ♪

♪ With those blues on parade ♪

♪ But I'm not afraid ♪

♪ This rover crossed over ♪

♪ If I never had a cent ♪

♪ I'd be rich as that Gates fella ♪

Are you gonna go for the dip?

Shh, not in front of the kids.

♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪

Ah.

(laughs) You lied.

- I lied, I lied. - (applause)

Okay. Time to go home.

Well...

thanks for dinner.

C'mon, I want to beat the traffic.

- Honey. - Huh?

Did you hear what I said?

I said I want to go home.

Now!

Get in the car!

We are home, sweetie.

It's okay, c'mon. Let's just get ready for bed.

Could you... would you just let yourselves out?

Sure.

(laughing)

C'mon, c'mon.

Goodnight, goodnight.

Goodnight.

Thanks for dinner.

Celebrity golfers.

Is it "School's out" for Alice Cooper's short game?

Yuck, that sucks.

Derek Jeter, I'd like a slice of that beefcake.

Al Leiter, I'd like you to meet my executive assistant,

Rita Wu, known around here as "Rita Do."

You sign with AMM, she will be at your service 24/7.

- Hi, Al... - Anyway, so let me talk to you over here.

Arliss! Blue M&M's:

celestial inspiration, or perversion of nature?

Looking forward to hearing from you, Al. You're the man!

"Perversion of nature"?

I don't know, I'm...

I mean, in terms of tone,

are we going for wry wit or socially commentary?

Well, considering I'm writing it, both.

(sighs)

Infuse it with insight.

Insight.

Acute observations.

Astute observations.

A cornucopia

- of... shit! - (squishes)

(gasps)

Stanley!

Stanley, get in here!

- (whimpers) - You had to do this in my office?

You couldn't have done it in Kirby's office?

No one would have noticed a difference there,

- you mangy, little mongrel, you. - There you are!

Wesley, the expensive Burberry dog sweater is to be worn,

not chewed and molested. (chuckles)

(sniffs)

- Don't worry, Arliss. - Oh, I'm not worried, I'm not worried at all,

- Because you are gonna be responsible for every bit of... - (glass shatters)

(growling)

No, no!

Oh, my god! Johnny Bench's mitt!

That's Johnny Bench's mitt!

- Wesley, Wesley! - Drop it!

♪ ♪

- Wesley! - Freeze!

You're not going anywhere.

Hey, Wesley.

Whoa. Man.

You know, it's bad enough that I have spoiled, immature clients

that dump their shit in my office.

I got to clean up after them.

I am not cleaning up after your dog.

Jesus Christ, sometimes I wonder

why the hell I'm in this business!

You know, just once... just once, I'd like to tell all of them

what I really think about 'em!

All I ever do is clean up after other people's shit.

No more! This is bullshit!

Just once I wish they could stand in my shoes, you know?

I've had it, do you hear me?

I've had it up to here!

Shit!

(sniffing)

Here's the copy.

(sniffing) Did you spell-check it?

Yes. Even your name.

(sniffing) I can still smell it.

It's baked eggplant.

Mattie. What brings you here?

I had some leftovers.

Lenny and I don't eat that much these days. (chuckles)

My tastebuds will forever be in your debt.

Arliss, I want to talk to you about Lenny too.

Yeah, sure, of course, of course, c'mon in.

Have a seat.

Can I get you something to drink? Anything?

Oh. You saw him, Arliss.

You saw how confused he was.

He just had a little bit too much port.

I mean, c'mon, we all get mixed up now and then.

It's a privilege of age.

It's not just mixed up.

He's changing. He's changing, he's losing his...

♪ ♪

He forgets where he is.

He talks about things from 30 years ago

like it was yesterday.

Has he seen a doctor?

Oh, no.

He says, "What's a doctor gonna tell me?

I'm an old fart?"

So, is there anything I can do?

Yes.

I don't want him signing a three-year deal.

Mattie, Lenny loves that job.

Well, that's just the point, he is that job!

(crying)

Did you know that when we were in Costa Rica

little boys followed us around shouting,

"Say, hey, whaddya say?"

Oh, Lenny loved that.

(laughs) He really loved that.

I want the fans to remember, "Say, hey, whaddya say?"

I want them to remember the man I've loved for 40 years.

I don't want them to remember some shell of a man!

It's okay. Mattie, Mattie, Mattie, Mattie.

Mattie, it's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

I promise I'll keep an eye on him and see how he flies.

- Oh. - I promise.

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon. Say, hey...

Say, hey, whaddya say?

Oh. Okay.

You know, he might just be an old fart.

You ever think of that?

(both laugh)

Hey, hey, Lenny the Lip.

What's the word? How you doing?

Arliss. Fat and sassy.

What's the radio for?

Oh, when I'm next door negotiating,

I'd rather listen to the baseball game

then Limp Bizkit.

(both laughing)

Here's your lunch, Lenny.

Oh. Thanks, Cary.

What's going on with my deal?

Well, I think Ozzie's gonna blink.

I mean, Rudy Martzke gave him an education in his column

about how important you are to his team.

- A lot of people read "USA Today." - Mm-hmm.

So, um...

you sure you up for another three years?

Ab-sa-tively.

'Cause it doesn't have to be three.

I can get you two or...

Absatively!

Good, good. Well, I'll just hammer at him until he gives it to us.

And then we should get you a physical.

Physical?

You know, routine, tune-up, check out the belts and hoses.

I mean, three years behind the mike,

that's a yeoman's job.

Mattie talked to you.

She mentioned something.

Listen, I love my wife, but she's a worrywart.

So, you feeling good?

I feel great, full of piss and vinegar.

Oh, sure, I have a senior moment here and there,

but, hey, guess what? I'm old.

So... what are you just sitting there for?

Go make him blink.

Right, sure, have a good day.

See you later.

(rock music plays)

Ozzie, look, look.

You're a man who rewards loyalty.

I mean, those stock options you gave your secretary

just bought her Geffen's estate in Malibu.

Hey, she's been with me since the very beginning,

almost four years.

Well, Len Crowley's been here 50!

Lenny on radio: The deuces are wild.

Two on, two out, in a two-two ball game.

Devo leads off third.

- Arliss... - (guitar plays loudly)

Are you listening to AM?

Yeah, that's right, AM.

And I want to know that Len Crowley's

gonna be on here for another three years.

And I want our negotiations

not to end up in Rudy Martzke's column.

Three years, it's non-negotiable.

Who even knows how they'll be broadcasting baseball in three years.

Lenny on radio: 55,000 faithful Angelenos standing shoulder to shoulder,

- one out away from seeing history made. - What?

- ♪ ♪ - One year, one million.

Lenny: Richardson leads off second.

Elston Howard off of first.

Koufax mops his brow,

heaves a sigh...

stares into the late afternoon shadows...

All right, two years.

Lenny: that have crept across home plate.

Little chopper over the mound.

Wills charges, scoops, throws to first.

In time!

Say, hey, whaddya say?

Break out the brooms, LA! We just swept New York.

Shit!

Alright, Arliss, you got it.

Three years.

And ball four to Sheffield.

Did you hear me, man? You've got it.

Oh, my god, he called the wrong game?

The '63 series.

Oh, that is terrible.

It's a tragedy.

What are you gonna do?

Close this deal fast.

Whoa, boss, that was some column you wrote.

Well, thank you, I pride myself on...

colorful expressions.

- Oh. - Oh, you know, I think some of our clients

Are gonna be calling up with colorful expressions

of their own like...

"Fuck you!"

Oh, pbbt! No, don't...

"Professional athletes behave like spoiled pampered pets,

"unruly and untenable.

"They leave a soiled path of destruction,

"waste and bitter friends in their wake.

"One wonders why a professional such as myself

puts up with such behavior."

(shouts) What the hell did you write?

- It's metaphoric. - Metaphoric?

Equating cleaning up after your clients

with cleaning up after Wesley.

Comparing our clients with dog shit?

- What the hell's the matter with you? - Hey!

You asked for something that expressed

- insight and true feelings. - (phone rings)

But not the truth!

Our clients are gonna go crazy!

Arliss, it's Ozzie Comstock.

Look, look, Ozzie, it was a one-time slip-up.

He was acting metaphorical.

Ozzie: Arliss, when you talked about keeping history alive,

I didn't realize Lenny would be rebroadcasting old games.

Look, I'll get him a partner in the booth, okay?

Take some pressure off of him.

I got to go, Arliss.

Can't lose the thermals, man.

Arliss: Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Give him another chance. I promise you it won't happen again.

One more chance! And get him a partner!

Whatever you say!

I want you in booth

- to get things started, man! - Thanks, Ozzie!

I'll see you in 80 days. Whoo!

Man on P.A.: Don't forget there's still plenty of tickets left for...

Lenny.

Arliss.

Am I still the voice of LA?

Did we close the deal?

Sort of.

Look, I need to talk with you.

Before I forget...

Mattie and I want you to join us after the game.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

- Look, I need to tell you something now. - (knocks)

Um...

Arliss, Lenny.

Lenny, you know John Miller right?

Oh, great announcer. Good looking too.

John: Thanks, Lenny.

I have to tell you I'm so excited

and extremely honored to be sharing a booth with you.

I have to admit, I... I've stolen a lot of your lines over the years.

- (laughs) - Alright, gentlemen, we got a pre-game to do,

So let's get going.

Right, I'll get to that later...

and you.

And the theme's coming down, headsets on.

And we're on with John...

in five, four, three, two.

It's a beautiful day here at the ballpark.

Bright blue skies overhead.

The wind blowing out to left field.

Now, if the voice sounds a little bit peculiar,

well, there's a reason. I'm John Miller and sitting next to me...

It is evident that Chan Ho Park has just about had it.

Whaddya think, Lenny?

And Davey's on his way out to the mound,

and he is signaling to the bullpen.

So, that will do it for Chan Ho, and it's a tough spot...

Mattie, good to see you.

How's he doing?

Well, it's an adjustment, but... but he's doing fine.

Yeah, doing good.

Los Angeles leading one to nothing, ninth inning.

And we'll be right back after this.

(rock music playing)

Arliss, can I talk to you for a moment outside?

I'm supposed to stay here.

You can go, it's okay.

You sure?

Okay, quickly.

Arliss, he doesn't want me in there.

Lenny Crowley is my idol,

and I don't want to offend him.

You're not offending him.

He does want you there, it's just...

Come on, he's a little set in his ways.

Are you sure?

Absatively.

C'mon, John, let's get back in there.

What's the matter?

It's locked.

(knocks) It's locked?

Open up!

Mattie, Mattie, open up!

- Don't open it. - Mattie, we got to get going...

Don't open it!

Alright, Lenny, get ready, we're gonna go on.

I'll go find someone who's got a key.

Yeah. Let me in!

Shit!

Get back!

(rock music plays)

- (tuning radio) - Lenny: Now, LA trying to hold on to a one run lead.

Bobby Bonds digs in.

(whispers) Barry Bonds.

Did I say Bobby Bonds? Excuse me, folks.

I meant his son, Barry, of course.

And here's the first pitch...

on the corner for a strike.

Bonds didn't like that call,

but then Barry never met a call he did like.

- Here's the 0-1 pitch. - (bat cracks)

Swung on, line drive, Hanson snags it, tags third!

Double play!

Say, hey, whaddya say?

LA dodged the bullet

and put a check in the "W" column.

(crowd cheering)

Now I've got something else to say now.

Uh, some of you might have noticed that I've...

made a few errors lately.

Not that I've been drinking...

on duty, anyway. No.

The doctor calls it... Alzheimer's.

Now, it doesn't mean I'm getting ready to go

in the home just yet,

but it's just going to get worse.

♪ ♪

And you fans, the people I love...

deserve to have the best,

and John Miller is just that.

So, this is going to be my last call.

I just want you to know

that I've loved every moment of it,

even during the rain delays.

I'm gonna miss you a lot more than you'll miss me.

So... say, hey.

(emotionally) whaddya say?

Goodbye.

And God bless you.

(cheering and applause)

(crowd chanting) Lenny, Lenny, Lenny,

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny,

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny...

Ozzie. I want you to hear something.

Crowd: Lenny, Lenny, Lenny...

(crying)

Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny, Lenny...

It'll be strange, not watching a game from 60 feet up.

It'll be stranger not hearing you call it.

I'm lucky. I'm gonna have my own personal broadcaster.

Oh, oh, oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

There's one other thing he agreed on.

(organ playing "Charge")

(gasps) Is that Janie?

She's back?

I convinced Ozzie that with you leaving,

there had to be some sense of continuity with this club.

Fans only want so much progress.

(playing "Sunny Side of the Street")

I...

How come Congress never does anything

about regulating mortality?

Sucks, doesn't it?

(scoffs) Leonard, come here.

I feel that groove thing coming on.

Oh.

Mortality, shmortality...

we gotta dance.

(chuckles)

♪ ♪

♪ Grab your coat and get your hat ♪

Arliss: "you are old, Father William," the young man said,

"And your hair has turned very white.

"And yet you incessantly stand on your head.

Do you think at your age it is right?"

"In my youth," Father William replied to his son,

"I feared it might injure the brain.

"But, now that I am perfectly sure I have none,

I'd do it again and again."

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪

♪ I used to walk in the shade ♪

♪ With my blues on parade ♪

♪ But now I'm not afraid ♪

♪ 'Cause this rover has crossed over ♪

♪ if I never have a cent ♪

♪ I'll be rich as Rockefeller ♪

♪ There'll be gold dust at my feet ♪

♪ On the sunny side of the street ♪

♪ Ba ba ba ba... ♪

♪ I used to walk in the shade ♪

♪ With my blues on parade ♪

♪ But now I'm not... ♪