Original subtitles

♪ ♪

Arliss (narrating): For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy,

but for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

(water splashes)

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes,

these are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

- Man #2: Hey! - Man: Hey! Watch it!

Arliss (narrating): Being youthful doesn't mean sacrificing maturity.

A good agency must retain the exuberance of youth

without resorting to childish antics.

Hey, Justin, sorry, I'm late.

I got worked in traffic.

You all know my client, Tony Hawk?

Sure, how's the baron of board sports?

You know my client, Shane Allen,

the sultan of snowboarders?

Hey, what's up, Tony?

Hey, amped on this video game deal.

So, let's get started.

Tony, this is Will Geyser,

he's in marketing and distribution

over at Base Jam Games.

This is Gabe Friel, he wrote the software for...

"Crypt-Scape" and "Dungeon of the Damned."

Loved "Crypt-Scape," the graphics are intense.

Thanks, man.

It plays really well but I can never get past the 14th level.

You need to make sure you eliminate Tieffer

in the ninth level.

Tieffer!

- (mouths) - It'll give you an invulnerability shield.

Be sure you cut his heart out.

You play, Arliss?

Yeah, sure, are you kidding? I love it!

It takes me to another level.

Anyway the reason we're here, Stanley.

Justin, I'm sure you're aware

that video game revenues this year

will top $8 billion dollars.

Which is one billion dollars more

than Hollywood box office receipts,

which brings us to...

"Beyond X-Treme".

Two x-treme sports, in a two box set.

My client, Shane Allen,

your client, Tony Hawk.

He's already been approached

by Nintendo and Sega.

Yes, but two games squared

is exponentially far more lucrative

than one game to the first power.

And Gabe's designing software

that will bring us into the realm of,

artificial reality.

I think you mean virtual reality.

An $800,000 advance against six million,

plus very attractive royalties.

- All cut in half. - Shane: Awesome!

Gentlemen, we have some things to sort out.

Arliss, where's Kirby?

I thought you said he's was gonna be here.

Oh, he's got some banking business to take care of.

Hey, I haven't received any late notices on my Humvee!

Sorry, Wally, little computer error at the bank.

Try having a last name like Szczerbiak.

Computers crash when my name goes through them.

Listen, I pay all of my bills on time.

I have a very efficient system.

Okay, I'll bring a check by this afternoon.

Goodbye... like it's her money.

C'mon, let's do lunch.

Who's buying?

So, we're all agreed that both athletes

share the cover art.

I wanna put in the Favored Nations clause.

No one gets more than my client.

Justin, you have a problem with that?

Hey, I'm of the school that

there's more than enough for everybody.

Sequel rights, we talked about. 50 percent of the net?

- Agreed. - It's cool.

Okay then, we have an agreement in principle.

Congratulations gentlemen, you are now a video game.

One thing, I want no changes in this contract.

Any renegotiations, any provisions, any changes,

and this deal is over.

Of course.

Will: Justin?

You have my word.

Excuse me, gentlemen, I have a very important phone call I have to make.

You guys busy?

C'mon out to the beach house.

I hear there's a south swell running

and it's blowing offshore.

Yeah, totally, Arliss, c'mon.

Justin's got a place down at the boo.

Oh, I'm sorry, no can do boo.

I've got...

I'd love to, but I pulled a lung scuba diving.

I gotta go, bye.

Amped, worked, south swells!

I just had a meeting with people who were born

after Carlton Fisk's game sixth home run!

Arliss, I'm sorry,

I scheduled your Lincoln Kennedy meeting

and the video game meeting at the same time.

Shit, is he pissed?

No, I told him you were at a funeral.

Nice work, good cover.

Arliss: Lincoln, my main man!

Oh, shit!

Excuse me, Rita, this was on your back.

(Has anyone ever told you, A) you have fabulous legs,

(and, B) you are a woman to be contended with?

What?!

Oh, has anyone ever told you you're full of shit?

Every day.

You're kidding?

I don't believe this! You want me?

As membership chairman of Manorside Country Club,

I'm sure you'll make a fine addition.

(stammering) I'd be honored to be a member.

So, what's Wally Szczerbiak feel like eating?

Serb food?

Kirby, I'm not Serbian, I'm just hungry.

Okay, well, then, let's just jump in...

Ahh!

Where's my Humvee?

Mr. Carlisle! Mr. Carlisle...

They re-poed it.

What, why didn't you stop them?!

They had a signed order from...

a guy named A. Whitney Wadsworth.

A. Whitney who?

He's the president of First Monument Bank.

Those scumbags, they can't do this to me!

What do you mean you want different representation?!

I'm sorry, Arliss, but it's time for me to move on.

B-But AMM without Lincoln Kennedy?!

We've been together four score and seven years!

Arliss, I didn't mean for this to happen.

I was playing hoops with this guy at Sports Club LA.

He's got a great jump shot.

A jump shot!

I mean, this guy's got a lot of energy.

He just never stops, go, go, go!

Like me.

Arliss, this guy is hungry.

He's fresh, he's a young turk.

I'll see you later.

Arliss, my Humvee been re-poed!

First Monument Bank stole my Hummer!

What are we gonna do?

Arliss, you won't believe this!

I've been nominated for membership

at Manorside Country Club.

Manorside Country Club is restricted.

They're pulling your leg.

They need a new black member.

The one they had died.

Talk about tokenism!

Then call me the Jackie Robinson of Manorside!

Look, I know I'm not gonna change

most of those old fart's attitudes.

Who's an old fart?

Most of their membership.

Yes, but one day,

the old guys will all die off.

Then I'll be able to influence

the next generation.

I won't be a token, I'll be a pioneer.

Yeah, right.

Arliss, there's a hearing

before the membership board next Thursday.

I'll need someone to testify about my character.

I'll do it, if you loan me your car.

The goal is to become a member.

Your sarcasm is getting old.

Nobody is getting old!

- What? - Arliss, will you speak on my behalf?

Oh, yeah, sure, sure.

Is there something wrong?

Wrong? No, no, nothing's wrong.

Okay, if you're not gonna do anything,

I'm gonna go down there,

I'm gonna get my own damn car back!

Who's got a bus schedule?!

Manorside!

You're kidding!

No, no, no, I swear to God!

In the swimming pool she has orgasms.

With other people around?

You know the jets, where the water comes out?

These tomatoes look kinda wonky.

How could she do that?

Well, I'll tell you, right now,

the idea of swimming pool for a lover

doesn't sound so bad.

Justin: You're right.

These tomatoes do look a little wonky.

Justin Sturges?

What are you doing at a take-out salad bar?

Getting take-out salad.

Rita, Rita, what are you doing tonight?

Tonight?

I got a friend up in Malibu,

he's got a restaurant opening.

You wanna come?

- (phone rings) - Excuse me.

Hello. Hey, Carmen.

You're getting back to me late.

Your eyesight is fine.

There are five zeroes there.

He's standing right in front of me.

Why don't I ask him?

So, a little drive up the coast?

(indistinct PA)

That's alright, I have all this...

watercress.

Rose, are you ready? Bye.

He says, no way.

So, who is that guy? He's really cute.

He is not cute, he's an agent.

Did you see how he was bullshitting that guy?

Better yet, let me buy you dinner.

I know a nice park bench, perfect for watercress.

In fact, I think there's some watercress

growing nearby.

Well, how can I resist?

Arliss (narrating): When faced with change,

it's important to remember who you are.

To not let whims of fashion

whittle away at your true self.

I can eliminate those crow's feet with botox,

derived from the toxin that causes botulism.

Botulism?

Do you inject that or can I just eat some bad soup?

Ah, yes, thank you, Inga.

Your work?

Your lips... they're a little, thin.

Have you thought about collagen?

I don't know what that is.

It makes your lips fuller. Eliminates wrinkles.

Eliminates wrinkles, huh? Hmm.

How's your butt?

Arliss (narrating): The word agent comes from the Latin word, agere,

to do.

By definition,

an agent is an active force,

who, if necessary,

must act like a man possessed.

I demand to see A. Whitney Wadsworth

about this!

I'm sorry, he's in a meeting.

That bullshit doesn't work on me, I'm an agent.

You don't have to use abusive language.

Abusive?

You want to know what's abusive?

Re-poing my Humvee, that's abusive!

Making me ride public transit!

Okay, Wadsworth won't come out and see me,

then I'll go in and see him!

You can't go in there.

Really?

Security!

Arliss, I've jotted down a few things

I think you should say.

"I think of Stanley Babson as a man of integrity,

"a man of character,

a man who always replaces his divots."

Well...

What do you think?

Too much?

Not for Halloween in West Hollywood.

What the hell is wrong with your lips?

Did you kiss a jellyfish?

Stanley, I can't get around on the fast-fall anymore.

(stammering) What are you talking about?

This is a young man's game.

Perception is everything.

Especially in this town.

Um, Arliss, you're not gonna go to my board meeting

like this, are you?

Why not? This is me.

Arliss, I need you to know

how important this is for me.

I hear you, baby.

If I'm selected, this is my first step.

My first step toward my dream

in joining the captains and kings of today's society.

Who knows where this could lead?

Councilman Babson, Congressman Babson, Senator Babson.

I'm down with you, baby.

(phone rings)

Arliss Michaels.

Arliss, I'm counting on you.

This could change my life.

What do you mean you're changing the terms?

This 50 percent of the net bullshit,

what is that?

I want a percentage of the gross.

They're not gonna give us a percentage of the gross.

We're not talking about Barry Bonds

or Ken Griffey Jr. here!

Listen, I know how these guys work their books.

We're not gonna see a dime in the net.

Justin, you heard what they said

about changing the deal.

We have an agreement in principle.

Principle. A theorem.

- Justin, listen to me. - Arliss.

We shook hands,

we have an oral agreement.

Which isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

Listen, you better be here to sign on Friday.

We'll see, in the meantime,

can you put me back on the line

with your beguiling assistant?

What beguiling assistant?

Rita.

Rita?

Me?

(hangs up phone)

Yeah, yeah, really? Yeah, you would.

Oh, shit, okay, I gotta go.

What did Justin want?

Nothing.

He asked me out.

Out, out? What out?

Out on a date.

I gotta go latte.

A date with Justin Sturges?

No, no, no,

in case I didn't make myself clear, no!

So, you think it's a good idea?

No, it's never a good idea

to start a relationship with an agent. You can't trust 'em.

You think I don't know that? Look who I work for.

Justin Sturges is a spying little ferret weasel prick!

I wouldn't let him fuck my dog!

He doesn't want to get in your pants, Rita.

He wants to get into my hard drive!

Oh, I think someone is looking at the world

through jaundiced eyes.

Really, well he's about to blow this video game deal.

I spent three months putting this deal together.

I don't want you talking to him. You hear me?

No, but I can read lips.

Cute, cute.

So, when I got out of law school, I said,

"Clerking for some old judge in San Marino,

or..."

Thank you.

"Drinking my way through the vineyards of Provence."

(chuckles)

This little Petit Syrah is a particular favorite.

Umm... very winsome.

(chuckles)

I've always wanted to go up to Napa, wine tasting.

Want no more, we'll do it.

This weekend?

Really?

(phone rings)

Excuse me.

(phone beeps)

Hello.

Hey.

How are you?

Listen, Paramount loves you.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

In fact, you're their first choice at this point,

for the part of the paralyzed football player.

It is, it is, it's terrific.

Yeah, it is.

Listen, can I call you tomorrow?

I'm in the middle of a meeting.

Right.

Great, bye.

Your client's up for a part in a movie, huh?

Uh, no, no, I was just...

Blowing smoke up his ass.

Trying to make him feel good.

Oh no, I think you were trying to make him think you're good.

You know the game.

I watch it all day long.

By the way, you're not changing the terms

of the video deal, are you?

Let's not talk business.

Let's not talk at all.

It's just that, you know, it's a really good deal and...

The deal is gonna happen.

Uh-huh.

You have my word.

So, where were we?

Napa this weekend?

How do I know you're not blowing smoke up my ass?

How do you know?

Let me show you the ways.

Hmm...

Not convinced?

Nope.

Arliss (narrating): An agent with vision

isn't locked into old alliances.

Yesterday's enemies may be tomorrow's allies.

Sports business often makes for strange bedfellows.

(Rita and Justin laughing)

I never knew an agent could be so warm.

That's because the one you work for is a reptile.

So, Napa?

Hmm.

Shall we leave Friday night or Saturday morning?

Let's leave Friday night.

That way we can spend...

I can't believe it.

What?

I can't. I completely forgot the playoffs start.

I gotta be in Indianapolis with Reggie.

Oh, well, next weekend?

Oh, I can't, Vegas, the Holyfield fight.

Okay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I'll work it out.

I will.

I'll just have to juggle my schedule around.

I got to make it work for you.

Oh.

Yo, need a lift? Hop in!

Hey, thank you.

(scoffs)

(shudders)

We're going up to Napa this weekend.

Justin made us reservations at Auberge du Soleil.

So, you had a good time last night?

The sex is unbelievable.

Okay, he's witty, he's charming, he's smart.

But Rosie, he's an agent.

Will you stop saying that, he's a man first.

No, you do not understand.

Agents are not men first,

they're a breed into themselves.

Speaking of charming, guess where I am.

(gasps) Oh, get out!

Are you serious?

It worked.

Multiply.

- I bought a year long membership. - (laughs)

Excuse me, Rita Wu?

Yeah, I gotta go, I'll call you later, bye.

Yes?

This is for you.

For me? Thank you.

"Sorry I can't do Napa this weekend.

"Hope this holds you over till we can go.

Love, Justin."

That lying, fork-tongue prick!

Your boyfriend just blew the deal.

He demanded gross points

and the video company told him to take a walk.

He gave me his word.

His word? His word?

His wo...

Arliss, you look a little different.

Did you get a nose reduction?

- My lip... - Yes!

- I can't move my lip! - (laughs)

Kirby, you gotta take me to the doctor.

- The doctor. - Give me the keys, let's go.

Your boyfriend. I told you never date an agent!

You can't trust them, can't believe a word they say!

Rita, come in.

Have you been getting your messages?

Yes.

You got the, uh, the basket I sent you.

I did, thank you, it was lovely.

Listen, I'm really sorry about Napa.

How's next weekend, are you available?

Justin, this isn't gonna work out.

Listen, I told you initially

that I may have a scheduling problem for the weekend.

It's not just Napa.

You told me the video game deal was gonna go through.

You lied.

Oh, come on, people lie in business all the time.

I heard a certain assistant lie to Lincoln Kennedy

just the other day, that's business.

Yeah, but you lied to me.

Justin, I don't care about the deal.

I care that I don't know when to believe you.

Rita, you don't know me yet.

You see, that's it, I don't know you.

I don't know when you're telling me the truth or when you're not.

Maybe if I didn't work for an agent and didn't know you,

it'd be different, but I do know you.

And I-I don't know you.

Okay, I don't know what to say.

Nothing. Take care.

Arliss (narrating): Beyond the glamor,

being an agent can break your heart.

Unless you've been there, you really don't know.

And, in conclusion, for the last seven years,

I've served as the Chief Financial Officer

at Arliss Michaels Management.

Gentlemen, I would just like to say

thank you for this wonderful opportunity.

Mr. Babson,

we appreciate your remarks,

and I think I can speak for the board

when I say that we are duly impressed.

However, you were asked to provide

a character witness.

Now, unless one is immediately forthcoming...

Well, I can't...

This is probably him now.

Sorry, I'm late.

What are you doing here?

Where's Arliss?

He couldn't make it, his lips exploded.

How could he do this to me?

Relax, it's gonna be fine, I'll take care of you.

Kirby, this is very important to me.

Do you know who these people are?

I don't need to know who they are.

I know who you are.

Gentlemen,

Stanley Babson has asked me to come here today

to speak to you on his behalf.

It is my great privilege and honor to assure you

that it will soon be your great privilege and honor

to have this fine young man in your midst.

Forgive me, sir,

if I may ask, what is it that you do?

I'm Professor Roget,

Dean of law at Pepperdine University.

Mr. Roget, you are an educator.

Well, Stanley Babson, a lifelong scholar,

is also an educator.

He educates young men and women

who come into sudden fame and fortune

by helping them to prepare to become

responsible members of our society.

And you, sir, forgive me.

What is that you do?

I'm Kenneth Bayles,

Director of the Los Angeles Museum of Art.

A man of culture, and so is Stanley Babson.

He introduces young athletes

to fine art and music that they wouldn't otherwise

be exposed to.

And make sure that they return the favor

by becoming patrons of the arts.

And you sir, what is it that you do?

I am A. Whitney Wadsworth,

I am president of First Monument Bank.

You scumbag motherfucker!

I beg your pardon!

You re-poed my car, I'm gonna re-po your face!

You fucking country club scumbag motherfucker!

(indistinct shouting)

Arliss (narrating): Being an agent means

knowing which battles to fight.

When to join in, when to step away.

Stay affirmative.

Don't think of what might have been.

Remember, when one door closes,

another one always opens.

(shouting continues)

(traffic noise)

It's about time.

Hey, it's the old Arliss.

Not old, grown up.

I mean, you can only be a rookie once

but watch out for the crafty veteran.

Shall I cancel your botulism appointment?

Botulism, the facial,

the lips, the hair, the colonic, the... what?

Oh, hey, Justin.

Hey, man, you had me worried there for a second.

But, glad you came around.

Hey, I'm a man of my word.

Yeah, you, uh...

I'll catch up with you guys.

I told you that night I'd make the deal happen.

Yeah.

It's too bad.

I think you and I could have gone places.

And I don't just mean Napa.

See you.

You did it... you went out with him.

You went out with him after I told you not to.

You can't tell me who I can and cannot date.

You're wrong, I can tell you.

It doesn't mean you're gonna listen to me.

(laughs)

Hey, nice basket.

Some wine?

- Why not, it's 10:30 in the morning. - Great time.

- Fuck you! - You know what? Fuck you!

Here's a deal, fuck you!

Oh, fuck you!

I'm sorry about last night, how'd it go?

Fuck you! Fuck you!

Didn't get in, huh?

Shit, I was looking forward to playing that course.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

- Pull a seven iron out of your ass! - Very witty, Beavis, blow moi!

What do you wanna join that club for?

A bunch of rich white fucks who are so old, they fart dust!

What happened to you?

Mick Jagger called, wanted his lips back?

- (laughs) - (mockingly laughs)

Hey, by the way, I need a lift. Oh, sorry!

- (Arliss chuckles) - Arliss Michaels' office.

Did you think they were really gonna let you in there?

Give me a fucking break!

Well, thanks to you, I'll never get in, will I?

- You can still get in there. How many bags can you carry? - Thank you.

Arliss will have to return your call.

He's at a funeral.

Kirby: Arliss, you looked ridiculous.

Arliss: Fuck you, I happen to look "today".

Oh, well, today you happen to look ridiculous.

Stop your bitching, let's have a toast.

A toast.

God bless us, everyone!

All: Fuck you!

- (glass clink) - (laughter)

Arliss (narrating): My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ Spread the love out near and far ♪

♪ Shine, you look like a star ♪

♪ I'm shining out for you ♪

♪ Whoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Whoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ All the world can hear the sound ♪

♪ Of the love that we have found ♪

♪ With our ♪

♪ With our angel wings ♪

♪ Brothers, sisters cross the land ♪

♪ Reach out and touch my hand ♪

♪ I'm reaching out to you ♪

♪ Spread the love out near and far ♪

♪ Shine, you look like a star ♪

♪ I'm shining out for you ♪

♪ Whoo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Woo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Woo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪

♪ Woo hoo ♪

♪ Reach out and touch me ♪