Original subtitles

Arliss (narrating): For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion,

remains a fantasy.

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them,

we live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

(water splashing)

My name is Arliss Michaels,

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

Arliss (narrating): It's no secret that my three favorite sports

are baseball, baseball, and baseball.

There is nothing that fills my heart more

than entering the sanctity of a locker room.

Hey, you guys.

- God, man, get outta here. - Jesus, put that out.

Hey, this is a Bolivar,

first class second-hand smoke.

You got a problem, take it up with the Commissioner.

- Whose side will he take? - (chuckles)

Sir, would you sign my ball?

My dad here says you're the best agent in the business.

Really? Sure.

Hold this.

Your boy, Jimmy?

Oh, yeah.

You know, you're having one hell of a season.

Thanks, Arliss.

I mean, I don't know where this team would be without you.

Four straight wins,

all saved by my incomparable closer, Skip Meyers.

No smoking in the clubhouse, Arliss.

Don't...!

Stay away from that guy, you know better than that.

Come on, it's been four years since the strike.

A scab is scabbed for life,

his kind don't heal.

Excuse me, but Greenbriar there's

the reason you're only two back in the pennant race.

I mean, he might be the difference

between you pitching in October

or cleaning out your locker.

He crossed the picket line, Arliss.

- I know that... - Look!

I don't want to talk some scab.

Let's go eat, alright?

Sure, sure.

Can I get my cigar back?

Arliss (narrating): It's fashionable to blame unions

for the downfall of professional sports.

As an agent, let me assure you

the game would not be where it is without them.

Fucking unions! When did this happen?!

A couple of hours ago.

If football is gonna put a 3% cap on agents' commissions,

baseball and basketball are gonna do the same thing.

This is just another example

of the agents getting boned up the ass.

You know, I'm sick of being persecuted.

It's a bunch of bullshit.

I say we fight.

Pool our resources, challenge this!

We?

The agents!

We have a summit, nip this in the bud!

Right, fat chance.

The Iraqis and the Kurds got a better chance of getting together

than a room full of agents.

Well, it would take a leader of some vision.

You know who'd be great at this?

Mike Armstrong, he once ran for mayor.

And lost!

I say it's time we put aside our differences.

I say it's time for enemies to unite for a common cause.

I'll set up the meeting.

Arliss (narrating): America was built on teamwork

and I'm not just talking about sports.

(phone rings)

Arliss Michaels' office.

I'm sorry he's in an important meeting

with Mitch Richmond right now.

Mitch, I got Gatorade,

Powerade and marmalade fighting over you.

Listen, when I visit you in Sacramento next week...

Arliss, I got traded from Sacramento to DC last April.

You didn't let me finish.

When I'm in Sacramento next week

and I'm gonna visit your old place

and pick up your mail and deliver it

to your new place in Washington personally.

Thanks.

Arliss, uh, you're gonna be late for that summit thingy.

Right, I'm on my way.

(clattering)

Game!

Arliss (narrating): My passion for America

carries over into all facets of my life.

I make sure everything I own is union

and American made.

(car won't start)

Oh, no.

Kiss my ass with a straw.

Shit.

See that's what happens when you pump your own gas

and don't check your oil regularly.

Well, thank you Ms. Goodwrench.

I left the lights on, okay?

I need to borrow your car.

My car?

Come on, come on, I'm late for my summit.

Come on.

Come back with a full tank of gas

and don't smoke in my car.

Wouldn't dream of it.

(humming)

What the hell she got back here?

Jesus Christ. What the hell is this?

Nail polish remover.

Jesus. Chicks, always got some kind of shit in the car.

Arliss: Jeremy Brenner.

Mike Armstrong.

There's no way I'm getting out of this hunk of shit.

(beeping)

(gears grinding)

- Oh, fuck. - (car revving)

Come on! Come on!

What!

(door handle clicking)

Shit.

Let me out of here!

(horn honking)

Hey, hey!

Piece of shit! Hey! Hey! Let me outta here!

Jesus fucking Christ!

Help! (coughing)

(beeping)

(coughing)

Fuck, were you taking a siesta?

You ain't getting no fucking tip.

Greenbriar: Are you okay?

Arliss, you okay!

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm okay.

Thanks, Jimmy.

Forget about it, man.

(panting)

Sorry about the window.

Arliss (narrating): The most important ingredient

for any winning team is chemistry.

That means putting aside individual goals

for the greater good.

Remember, there is no "I" in team.

(indistinct chatter)

Where the hell have you been?

I'll tell you later.

But know this, Stanley, time is precious.

Savor every moment you have, because it's...

(bang)

First agent union meeting will come to order.

An agent's union?

We prefer the word alliance.

I prefer the word snow-ball's chance in hell.

Brenner, that's because a three percent cap on commissions

is a raise for undercutting pricks like you and Rosenhaus.

Excuse me.

Did you get your neck lipo-ed?

- (Rosenhaus snickering) - Good one.

Gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, now is not the time to fight.

Now is the time to unite.

Arliss, cut the rhyming shit.

It doesn't become you.

If the player's union is going to cut commissions

then we all should agree to invoice certain services

like estate planning, income taxes.

It's the way we make it back.

Three percent is bullshit.

When I first started in this business, we charged hourly.

My first client, Booth Lusty,

gave me $100 and a honey baked ham to do his...

Nurse, Nurse, do you mind, Gramps,

I gotta be somewhere in June.

I'll be, Arliss!

Someone here older than you.

You know, Brenner, life is too short

to put up with irritating little hemorrhoids like you.

Ollie Fogel has seven former clients in the Hall of Fame.

Show him some respect.

How many clients you got now, Gramps?

That's what I thought.

Although, I'm intrigued by the notion of enlightening people.

I need to be enlightened

as to who's gonna govern this alliance.

Since no one else here has the experience

or the clout that I do.

I will volunteer to lead. What do you say?

- Oh, no. - Bullshit.

No.

Your loss, gentlemen.

I nominate Stanley Babson.

- Seconded. - Man: What for?

Why? How do we know we can trust him?

Because he's the only one at this table

that hasn't been indicted.

(indistinct muttering)

It's never gonna work.

Anybody who doesn't go along with our union

will walk the rest of their life with a limp.

Gentlemen, a toast to our ever lasting brotherhood.

A brotherhood that will last into the new millennium.

To solidarity.

Solidarity.

Who had the egg salad?

Let me guess.

You had the smoked turkey for lunch, right?

Jimmy G.

You're still here.

I decided to hang around.

Oh, man, God smiled on me

when he placed you here this afternoon.

So this where you hang out?

My teammates hate it.

That's why I come here, Arliss.

I just want to say how much I appreciate

what you did pulling me out of there, man.

I just, um... Look if there's anything I can ever do for you,

you give me a call.

Well, actually, there is.

Great, what is it?

Well, Arliss, my, uh, my brother-in-law,

he's a divorce lawyer and he's done all my deals.

All he can get me are one-year contracts.

And, you know, I gotta think that somebody like you

could get me, maybe, a multi-year deal.

And I was hoping that you could be my agent.

Well, I'd be honored to be your agent.

I would love for that to happen.

But you see...

I'd have to think about it.

Okay, yeah, think about it.

Why the hell did you cross the picket line, Jimmy?

I just wanted to play ball, Arliss.

But it wasn't major league ball.

Man, I had been in the minors for nine years.

With a wife, a three year old kid.

I was gonna go sell life insurance for my father-in-law.

But then here comes this opportunity.

Some people called it a strike.

Arliss, if I didn't cross,

I would have quit the game

and never had the chance to prove that I belong.

(scoffs)

Belong.

Yeah,

I sure belong, don't I?

Look, I gotta get going.

Jimmy, you gotta understand,

if I represent you,

I mean, there's a chance that half my baseball clients

they might bolt on me.

Hey, don't beat yourself up.

I would have come by and asked anyway.

I'm to the M's on my agent list.

Jimmy?

Let me check the temperature, okay?

Shit.

Oh, how did it go?

Not good.

I think people are still pissed off.

Well, the other agents are always pissed off at you.

I meant how did it go with my car?

Oh, that.

It burned up.

Burned up?

Well, not totally. It's still running.

It was an electrical fire.

Rita, I could have been killed.

Yeah, but you weren't.

Now, I don't mean to sound callous here,

but, um, what about my car?

Oh, don't worry.

I'll lease you a new one.

A new one... a new car? Oh, God, Arliss.

Arliss, thank God you're alive.

- Thank God you're alive. - Yeah, yeah, hey, hey!

Within reason.

Um, well, I really like those new Volkswagen Beetles.

Do you?

I thought you were gonna say Infiniti or Lexus.

- Shit. - Listen.

I need you to go to Costco and get me a bunch of nicotine patches,

lots of gum and get rid of these.

You're quitting cigars?

Absolutely.

Those things will kill you.

Tony La Russa, let me ask you a question,

you're around all these guys and managing the team, you know?

Do you still feel there's some kind of resentment

with the replacement ballplayers?

You have a chance to represent one of 'em?

Well, I don't know... I don't know if I would do that or not.

Let me explain it one way.

You would understand the term replacement

because then all your clients they would be replacing you.

Well, I would never represent any of these guys.

You know, I'm a union guy too.

That's smart.

You know who's having a helluva a year this year,

is, uh, Greenbriar, I'm surprised.

Oh, Arliss, you know we can't talk about that.

You're Jack Buck. You've been around this game more than anybody else.

You know the feelings of the people.

Why do you ask me these questions

you know the answer to already?

Some of these guys would rather finish last

then have a scab on the ball club.

Don't you have other clients? Are you broke, or what?

You think Skip wouldn't go for it?

Can't get it by Skip no matter what you do.

We are talking about Skip, right?

So, I'm in the woods on twelve,

made a full swing,

smashed my fingers against the tree,

damn thing wouldn't stop bleeding.

- Yeah! - Good thing it wasn't your pitching hand.

You know, speaking of scabs, that Jim Greenbriar,

he pitched another great game the other day.

I mean that's five straight wins.

I mean if he helps you win the pennant,

it's gonna be like what strike, huh?

- Huh? - No.

No, he'll never be out of my dog house.

Damn right, Skip.

I mean, you can't let these guys forget.

Wait a minute, Kirby, didn't you cross the line?

I mean weren't you the quarterback

in the Rams '87 replacement team?

Absolutely not.

I got cut.

Skip, I mean, it's been years since the strike.

I mean the guy's helping to win.

Arliss, three generations

of my family worked in the steel mills.

My grandfather suffered permanent brain damage

from a blow to his skull

delivered from a union-buster's club.

But they stuck together back then

so they could have a better life.

No excuse me, a normal life.

Don't feel sorry for this Jim Greenbriar.

So nobody talks to him.

He's getting off easy.

Arliss?

What are you doing here?

I'm just teasing you, big guy.

(chuckles)

We put our bitter past behind us.

Now we're simpatico, huh?

That's right. So, I guess I'll be seeing you tomorrow at the meeting.

Oh, you didn't get my fax?

What fax?

Mike Armstrong has dropped out of the alliance.

Oh, why?

He's taking a $500,000 consulting fee

from the football player's union

to revamp their pension and health plans.

We've determined this to be

just a massive conflict of interest,

and so we threw him out.

My counsel informs me that since our businesses are incorporated,

we might be running the risk of collusion if we unionize.

Oh, great,

Barry White here's an agent

and he's worried about breaking the law.

Oh, this alliance is gonna have teeth, fellas.

(scoffing)

While we're on the subject of the toothless,

the mash potatoes are the special today, Gramps.

I've got a handkerchief full of snot

that has more class than you.

When I first started in this business...

The Chinese were laying the transcontinental railroad, Father Time.

- Fucking little piss ant. - (agents "ooh-ing")

Moving on.

And where the hell is Arliss?

He, uh, had a medical emergency.

Are you sure they're in the right place?

There is a two month wait on the Bug,

but while I was at the lot, I happened to see this really cute "Z3"

with only 5,000 miles on it.

What are you talking about?

You don't deserve something used.

You deserve something new.

New?

A new window and...

new upholstery.

Hey, yeah, between this and a new detailing job,

your car will be as good as new.

- You're a saint. - Ah!

Listen call the mouse and get me Brent Carroll on the horn.

So what if we lost a couple of people out of the alliance?

The alliance is in good shape.

Mike Armstrong. (scoffs)

It'll be alright, as long as the rest of us stick together.

- Yes. - Hey, Kirby.

Andre Rison.

What's this I hear about you guys billing me

for estate planning and income taxes?

Who, uh, who told you that lie?

Jeremy Brenner.

Jeremy Brenner is a thief and a liar.

I know that. That's why I signed with his partner, Alvin Epps.

Partner?

Sorry guys, it's been real.

(groans)

The Epps-Brenner agency?

You guys are partners now?

Brenner (on phone): Yep, I said his name could come first

if I got the office with the shitter.

He was my second choice, Stanley,

I would have preferred to team with one of my own people.

You did. You're both low-life thieving, two-timing scum fucks.

- (cackling) - You used insider information from our union

To take away one of our clients.

You better hope your mail's not ticking when you open it!

If that's a threat, Stanley, blow me.

(gasps)

How dare you use the alliance for your own personal gain.

Oh, please whatever you do,

don't kick us out of the alliance.

Not that. Oh, God.

Oh, lordy.

What we do without the suckling tit that is the holy alliance.

(both laughing)

I think we're being mocked.

Brent Carroll, how's the keeper of the kingdom?

Busy, Michaels, busy.

I got the television affiliates convention coming up.

I'm still trying to nail down the video tie-ins

with McDonald's on our holiday release

and I've got to bump the Ice Capades

because the hockey team made the playoffs.

This is about your baseball team.

Oh, what is it? You need tickets?

Are we at home?

I just called to remind you that

Skip Meyers got his 30th save last night.

Don't tell me you want to open discussions

on the new contract, Arliss?

Of course not. Although the way Skip and that Jimmy Greenbriar

are pitching right now,

boy, I'd want to sign them to a long term deal,

because if they keep it up, it's gonna get expensive.

Skip signed through '99 and if Greenbriar doesn't sign a new one-year deal

before the deadline, I'll trade him.

Trade him? What are you talking about?

You're in the middle of a pennant race.

He's got this mook brother-in-law

that wants me to commit to a multi-year deal.

If I can't sign Greenbriar,

then I'll just trade him for some prospects.

How can you trade him?

You're only two games out of first

and he's your hottest starter.

I thought you were committed to winning.

We are committed to winning, it's just not our only agenda.

This is crazy.

Greenbriar's the guy you want.

I mean, plus, you can sign him for a reasonable amount

and solidify your staff for the next three years.

Why are you so interested in Greenbriar all of a sudden?

What are you his agent now?

No, no, no of course not.

What are you insane?

I would never represent a scab.

What would make you say that?

Cause you're a bottom feeder. Gotta go.

(dialtone)

Shit.

You're helping Greenbriar?

Oh, fine, and they say I'm the irresponsible one.

The guy pulled me out of a burning car

and now he wants me to represent him.

What am I supposed to do?

Arliss, you take on Jim Greenbriar,

it will be the last baseball player this agency ever signs.

I didn't say I would do it.

I feel I gotta help him.

You can't do that.

You tell scab boy, no.

I mean it's not like he saved your life or anything.

Jim Greenbriar is here to see you.

He's here?! No, no, no, no.

Jimbo, how you doing, bro!

Arliss.

He said you saved his life.

- Well... - Thanks a lot.

Oh, would you like something to drink?

Coffee would be great. Thank you.

Hey, hey, Jim, I would have called you.

I mean you didn't have to come up here.

Oh, that's okay. I was just getting a little anxious

to know if you were gonna represent me, you know?

Oh, I can't talk right now.

Let me walk you out, but

after all I have been making some inquiries.

- You have? - Yeah, yeah.

Black's fine. He likes it black.

Anyway, but your agent should be able

to get you about $7 million for three years.

Three years, $7 million!

God, that would be great.

You said your agent.

You mean I have an agent?

Listen, I'd love to represent you, Jim.

What the hell's he doing here?

- Skip. - Arliss, are you representing a scab?

Hey, you know what? I'm tired of you calling me a scab

and I'm tired of you talking around me like I don't exist.

You know why?

Because in my world, you don't exist.

All I do every day is bust my ass to help our team win.

You care more about the union than winning the championship.

You're damn straight!

Because thanks to that union, I have some say about where I get to play,

where I raise my family!

You were trying to take food off my table!

Yeah, sure, that's exactly why I crossed.

To take food off your table.

You make enough money to feed the people of Somalia.

Arliss.

You're my agent and I respect you,

but if you're representing Jim Greenbriar, I'll be leaving you.

And believe me, I won't be the only one.

He's not my agent.

I came up to see if he'd be my agent, but he turned me down.

Arliss...

thanks for your time.

Jim.

Skip: Jeez, Arliss, I'm sorry about that.

I was way out of line accusing you like that.

That's okay.

No, no, I should have known better.

I knew you were one of us.

Ollie: We don't need all those assholes.

It's you and me, Curly.

You and me against all these other power fuckers.

We'll burn their homes, fuck their women.

They want to play rough, let's play rough.

This is wonderful soup.

You and me, Mr. Fogel.

Yeah.

You and me against the world.

Oh, I've been through the wars, my friend.

I took on Charlie Finley and won.

And the celebration has started

and at the center is Jim Greenbriar

who after coming over in a trade from Los Angeles

has won his third start to push St. Louis over the top.

Let's see if we can't get a word with him. Excuse me, Jim, Jim!

Congratulations, it's got to feel great.

Oh, it sure as hell does, Tom.

I understand management recently signed you to a multi-year deal.

- Is that correct? - Thanks to this man right here.

My agent, Ollie Fogel.

Ollie.

I'm just doing my job, that's all.

Hey, Jimmy!

Your wife's gonna be wearing sables, I'm telling you.

Anyway, Jim,

about that bases loaded jam in the seventh...

Arliss (narrating): Where you find success,

you find teammates helping teammates.

Friends helping friends.

This one's gonna take a while to get over.

Here, let me get that for you.

We were one starting pitcher away from going to the series.

Yeah.

Arliss (narrating): The game is a part of us, a part of me.

Old habits are tough to break.

The great French philosopher, Jacques Barzun said,

"Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America,

had better learn baseball."

I think it's more true today than ever before.

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ ♪