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♪ ♪
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Arliss (narrating):
For most of us,
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00:00:13,813 --> 00:00:15,982
the dream of
becoming a champion,
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00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:18,351
remains a fantasy,
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00:00:18,418 --> 00:00:20,487
but for a special few,
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it is very much a reality.
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We cheer them,
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we live through them.
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Athletes are our last warriors.
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My job is to make
their dreams come true.
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(water splashing)
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My name is Arliss Michaels,
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I represent athletes,
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00:00:38,771 --> 00:00:39,973
these are my stories.
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00:00:40,039 --> 00:00:43,009
♪ Don't know what it is
that makes me love you so ♪
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00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:47,013
♪ I only know I never
wanna let you go ♪
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00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:50,683
♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ It happens to be true ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:05,198
♪ I just wanna be
beside you everywhere ♪
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♪ As long as we're
together, honey, I don't care ♪
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♪ 'Cause you started
something oh, can't you see ♪
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♪ That ever since we met
you had a hold on me ♪
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♪ No matter what you do ♪
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♪ I only wanna be with you ♪
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Theirs are the best
cherry popovers in the city.
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Remember back in New Haven?
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Oh, the old waistline
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has expanded quite a
bit since New Haven.
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Too rich for my blood.
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Shall I procure for us a
bottle of champagne, Stanley,
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perhaps Dom '85?
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With breakfast?
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Well, it is my ardent hope
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that you and I will have
something to celebrate this morning.
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Well, I thought about
your job offer, Alvin,
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- I thought about it a lot.
- And?
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And I wrote a
letter of resignation
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to Arliss.
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That's splendid!
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I never gave it to him, though.
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I see.
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Please understand.
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I'm flattered, you
have a terrific agency.
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You represent a
lot of great athletes.
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Great black athletes.
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But Arliss has been
very good to me.
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Arliss Michaels
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reaps millions of
dollars in commissions
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from the sweat of our brothers,
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magnificent black
warriors of sport.
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But when it comes time
to share these spoils
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with the brother who works
for him day in, day out...
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Alvin, please,
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this is me, not "Nightline."
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(chuckling)
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Okay.
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All I'm saying, Stanley,
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is you've got to go
where you're appreciated.
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Arliss takes you for granted.
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He doesn't really listen to you
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when you talk, the way I would.
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Arliss appreciates
me in his own way.
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So, I can assume he's
offered you stock options,
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increased your areas of
responsibility and autonomy,
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promised to make you
a partner in 24 months.
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All the things
I've offered to do?
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Well, as they used to say
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on "Monday Night Football":
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"You make the call."
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Arliss (narrating): I'm always
asked, what is it about me
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that inspires loyalty
among my people?
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Coffee?
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Two things:
Communication and patience.
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I'll get you to the airport
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in 12 minutes
flat, Mr. Michaels.
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Unless you're anal
about red lights.
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I just gotta get my
briefcase upstairs
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and we're outta here!
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Arliss, I've been
looking for you.
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It's Skip, Skip Lewis!
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Oh, yeah, yeah! How
you doing, buddy?
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- Got a second?
- Actually, I don't.
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Great! The thing is I was hoping
you can get me Wayne Gretzky
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to sit on the dais for this black-tie
thing I'm throwing for tourette's research.
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You know, "shit, piss,
fuck!" Those guys?
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Wonderful cause! Wonderful! Let
me get back to you on that, okay, Skip?
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I also do fundraising
for Deaf Children USA.
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I've written a fundraising song.
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Sort of a "We Are
the World" type thing.
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We're cutting it next week,
everybody's gonna be there.
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Great!
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Lainie Kazan, Jack Jones.
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He's good.
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The Beach Boys.
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Arliss (narrating): I'm only too
happy to listen to every idea,
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big and small.
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Cassidy, Sinatra.
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Well, not senior, God bless him,
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00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:15,855
but junior who I
think's even better.
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You name it, they're
gonna be there...
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Arliss (narrating): Because
for every 100 bad ideas,
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there might be one good one.
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♪ They're the kids who hear
bad but they don't feel sad ♪
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That's very catchy. Very catchy.
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♪ They're the kids who hear
bad but they don't feel sad ♪
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♪ They cannot hear,
but they can listen ♪
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Skip, it is good seeing you,
Good seeing you. God bless you.
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God, this place is awesome!
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Didn't think you were
gonna be here today.
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Who's here? I am not here.
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What you see... hologram.
This is a hologram.
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By the way, give a
picture of Skip Lewis
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to the guard desk downstairs.
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Kirby: Yo, Brett Favre,
yeah, we're all set.
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Why don't you meet
me in Arliss' office
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in about an hour?
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I'm confused, Kirby,
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is this your thing or does
Arliss want me to do it?
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No, Brett! No, no,
this is his whole thing.
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It's just that he's delegated
complete autonomy to me.
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Right.
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Bye!
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Hi, boss, I was
just cleaning up.
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I didn't expect to see you.
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- Obviously not.
- Your trip off?
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Trip is a go.
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I just spoke to Captain Scott.
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Wheels are up in...
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77 minutes.
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Great, great, 'cause
you deserve it!
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Later.
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00:05:29,695 --> 00:05:31,864
So what's this secret
trip you're taking?
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Can I trust you?
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Of course you can.
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Okay, it's a trip,
and it's secret!
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Get outta here!
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(phone dialing)
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Hi, it's Arliss Michaels.
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Is "Operation:
Closure" still a go?
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Good, good, I'm on my way.
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Arliss (narrating): I'm as open
and honest with my employees
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as they are with me.
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Uh, messages.
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Your Aunt Rosie
called wanting to know
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- how she can get in touch with you.
- Nice try.
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- Arliss...
- Arliss is not here!
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00:06:03,429 --> 00:06:04,897
Do you think you can get Shaq
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00:06:04,964 --> 00:06:06,604
to do a Pips type thing
in the background?
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You know, doo wop, doo wop.
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- Arliss!
- Hologram!
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Psycho-gram, it's Sammy Stilton.
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I'll call him from the car.
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No, he's ranting Code Red!
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Shit!
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Yes, Sammy, he's right here.
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Sammy Stilton, how's the
Svengali of center field?
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I'm pissed, Arliss!
Why I gotta call you?
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You should be calling me this
morning about all this bullshit!
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- What bullshit?
- You're supposed to be my agent, man!
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"What bullshit?" Shit!
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USA Today, fast. Fast, fast!
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No, no, no, I said
"What bullshit!"
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And it was! In fact, I've never
seen such bullshit in all my life!
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What you gonna
do about it, man?!
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What am I gonna do about
it? I am on it right as we speak!
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They're not gonna
get away with this!
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And you can quote me!
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My wife watched the tape on
the news this morning, man!
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She says it's bullshit too!
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Huh, baby?
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Donna here agrees with her!
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Well, they're both right! It
makes me so goddamn mad!
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Although, I must say you are
handling it with great dignity!
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Aw, man, they're
showing it again on ESPN!
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Call me back, Airport Suites!
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ESPN, quick.
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It began innocently enough,
when Sammy "Rumpel" Stilton
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appeared to make
a game saving catch
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00:07:13,833 --> 00:07:15,334
in the bottom of the 16th.
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00:07:15,401 --> 00:07:18,237
But second base umpire,
Paul Reston begged to differ,
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ruling it a "trap."
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He's robbed, he's robbed!
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News anchor: That
started fireworks...
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Okay, so Sammy got screwed.
But I got 46 baseball clients
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who are getting screwed all the
time. What's the big deal here?
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(crowd groans)
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00:07:36,522 --> 00:07:38,357
Umm...
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That's probably the big deal.
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News Anchor: By the looks
of it, Stilton is getting himself
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into a very sticky situation.
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00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,832
And I think we'll see
the biggest suspension
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this side of the
Varrazano Narrows bridge.
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Ohh.
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00:07:53,072 --> 00:07:54,941
Oh, shit!
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00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:57,209
You ready to rock
and roll, Mr. Michaels?
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00:07:57,276 --> 00:07:59,254
- I'll be with you in just a minute, okay?
- You got it.
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00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:00,680
You want me to
get the A/C going?
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00:08:00,746 --> 00:08:02,548
I can have the back
seat at 72 degrees
201
00:08:02,615 --> 00:08:04,717
- in four minutes flat.
- Yeah, great, whatever.
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00:08:04,784 --> 00:08:07,486
Look, tell Stanley to come in
with Sammy's latest contract.
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00:08:07,553 --> 00:08:09,121
Stanley's not here.
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00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:10,790
Stanley's here.
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00:08:10,856 --> 00:08:12,658
Great, I need you.
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00:08:12,725 --> 00:08:14,627
You got me, what's up?
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00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:16,095
Grab Sammy Stilton's contract.
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00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:18,931
Call me in my car in 30
seconds and read it to me.
209
00:08:18,998 --> 00:08:21,801
That's it? Just read it to you.
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00:08:21,867 --> 00:08:24,136
That's it, simple stuff.
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00:08:24,203 --> 00:08:25,504
Thanks.
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00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:26,973
Arliss.
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00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:28,607
What?
214
00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:33,112
This is for you.
215
00:08:36,282 --> 00:08:37,917
What is it?
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00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,819
Nothing, just...
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00:08:39,885 --> 00:08:41,287
when you get a moment.
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00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,388
Sure.
219
00:08:44,023 --> 00:08:45,224
(exhales deeply)
220
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:54,800
What?!
221
00:08:56,002 --> 00:08:57,336
Quitting?
222
00:08:57,403 --> 00:09:00,106
Did you get to the stuff about how
much I respect and admire you?
223
00:09:00,172 --> 00:09:03,376
How I will always be
grateful to you for your wise...
224
00:09:03,442 --> 00:09:05,544
How could you just stab
me in the back like this?
225
00:09:05,611 --> 00:09:07,847
I've always thought
of us as brothers.
226
00:09:07,913 --> 00:09:10,316
Well, brothers can work
at different companies.
227
00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,551
And where's brother
Stanley going to work?
228
00:09:12,618 --> 00:09:14,153
The Alvin Epps Agency.
229
00:09:14,220 --> 00:09:15,221
Epps?!
230
00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:18,424
You're leaving me for Epps?
231
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,226
So this is a
black-white thing, huh?
232
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:22,795
No! It's a "You don't
listen to me" thing!
233
00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,063
I don't listen?!
234
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,170
- Well...
- I don't listen!
235
00:09:25,197 --> 00:09:26,899
You think I don't
listen to you?!
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00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:28,901
Me, Arliss Michaels,
Mr. Attentive!
237
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:30,770
You hear that? I don't listen!
238
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,171
- Rita: Arliss...
- Later!
239
00:09:32,238 --> 00:09:34,407
Stanley, I want
to listen to you.
240
00:09:36,575 --> 00:09:37,693
Right now.
241
00:09:37,694 --> 00:09:38,811
You're making fun of me.
242
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,012
No, I am not.
243
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:41,959
We will order in lunch,
we will order in dinner.
244
00:09:42,014 --> 00:09:44,583
You'll talk, I'll listen.
I'm not going anywhere.
245
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,118
You're going out of town!
246
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,154
That's right, okay.
247
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:51,140
So, we'll start talking now and then
we'll continue when I come back, okay?
248
00:09:53,025 --> 00:09:55,494
So, tell me all about
Stanley Babson.
249
00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:57,963
His hopes, his dreams,
his goals for the future.
250
00:09:58,030 --> 00:09:59,065
Really?
251
00:09:59,131 --> 00:10:00,566
Really.
252
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:03,836
Well, if you're serious...
253
00:10:06,205 --> 00:10:08,007
Let's begin with
my responsibilities.
254
00:10:08,074 --> 00:10:09,508
I wanna be a part of a place
255
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:11,310
where I can get a
real opportunity...
256
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,879
Sammy Stilton on two
and he's breathing fire.
257
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:15,781
I'll call back.
258
00:10:15,848 --> 00:10:18,150
Stanley's talking now.
259
00:10:18,217 --> 00:10:20,786
And that's priority number one.
260
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:23,622
Well, Sammy says if you
don't listen to him right now,
261
00:10:23,689 --> 00:10:25,191
he's gonna find
an agent who will.
262
00:10:32,331 --> 00:10:33,332
Thank you.
263
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:34,467
I'll be right back.
264
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:38,404
I think we're off to a
real good start here.
265
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:39,472
Mmm...
266
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:43,142
I know what it is,
Scottsdale, a golf thing.
267
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,710
- You guessed it!
- Fuck you.
268
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:49,949
Hey, buddy, it's Kirby.
269
00:10:50,015 --> 00:10:51,317
Hey, Kirby.
270
00:10:51,383 --> 00:10:52,852
Just about to head over.
271
00:10:52,918 --> 00:10:55,488
Great, but listen,
a change of plans.
272
00:10:55,554 --> 00:10:57,356
Okay? Yeah. Don't
come to the office.
273
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,925
Arliss is still... just...
274
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:02,228
Just don't come here, okay?
275
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:03,996
Just meet me there.
276
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:05,064
Okay, bye.
277
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,679
Lisa Leslie.
278
00:11:20,746 --> 00:11:21,881
Hey, Kirby.
279
00:11:21,947 --> 00:11:24,917
Just the person I
wanted to talk to.
280
00:11:26,418 --> 00:11:28,888
Sammy, I tried to call you
back but the line went dead!
281
00:11:28,954 --> 00:11:30,165
It's been happening
all morning here!
282
00:11:30,189 --> 00:11:32,358
If you ask me, it's
that damn deregulation!
283
00:11:32,424 --> 00:11:33,993
Alright, Arliss,
284
00:11:34,059 --> 00:11:35,704
you've seen the tapes,
what you gonna do about it?
285
00:11:35,728 --> 00:11:38,039
Oh, Sammy, I'll tell you exactly
what I'm gonna do about it.
286
00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:40,366
Arliss?! Hello!
287
00:11:40,432 --> 00:11:41,700
You hung up on him?
288
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,936
No, no, no, we
were disconnected.
289
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,305
Don't worry I'll call him back
in 30 seconds from the car.
290
00:11:46,372 --> 00:11:48,207
But I have got
to get out of here.
291
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,575
What's happening with Stanley?
292
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,821
Stanley (on intercom):
Stanley Babson.
293
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:54,089
Stanley, meet with
me at the elevator.
294
00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:55,991
We'll ride down together,
we'll talk in the car.
295
00:11:56,015 --> 00:11:57,283
Look, if you're too busy...
296
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:59,151
No, no, no, I'm never
too busy for you!
297
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,428
That's the perfect
place, the car.
298
00:12:00,452 --> 00:12:02,922
No distractions! I'm be able
to focus on Stanley Babson!
299
00:12:02,988 --> 00:12:07,026
Okay, the elevator,
I'll be right there.
300
00:12:07,092 --> 00:12:08,837
What is this all about?
Is he getting a raise?
301
00:12:08,861 --> 00:12:10,472
Cause if he gets a
raise, I should get a raise.
302
00:12:10,496 --> 00:12:12,607
- I worked here two years longer than him.
- Not now! Not now!
303
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:14,700
Not only that, you never
took me to "Riverdance"!
304
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:17,670
♪ Deaf kids USA, all the way ♪
305
00:12:17,736 --> 00:12:19,672
Hey! Great, great.
306
00:12:19,738 --> 00:12:22,007
The kids are gonna be thrilled.
307
00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:23,242
Arliss...
308
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:24,443
Lisa Leslie,
309
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,111
how's the first lady of lay-ups?
310
00:12:26,178 --> 00:12:28,218
I have a problem with this
Nike commercial Saturday.
311
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:29,481
Problem, what problem?
312
00:12:29,548 --> 00:12:31,750
NBC wants me to do
the Laker playoff game
313
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:32,952
on the same day.
314
00:12:33,018 --> 00:12:34,553
We have to talk now.
315
00:12:34,620 --> 00:12:35,921
Sure, sure.
316
00:12:35,988 --> 00:12:37,628
Why don't you come
with me to the airport.
317
00:12:37,656 --> 00:12:39,391
I'll bring Stanley,
we'll solve this thing.
318
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:41,927
And what's this kid's clinic
Kirby has me doing next week?
319
00:12:41,994 --> 00:12:42,994
Kid's clinic?
320
00:12:43,028 --> 00:12:44,830
Rita: Arliss, a fax
just came in for you!
321
00:12:44,897 --> 00:12:46,098
Arliss doesn't exist!
322
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:49,001
No, no, no, it's urgent, it's
from the American League.
323
00:12:53,005 --> 00:12:55,541
Get me the Player's Association.
324
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,509
Lisa, I'll meet
you at the elevator
325
00:12:57,576 --> 00:12:59,678
in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
326
00:13:01,513 --> 00:13:04,950
So, Brett, don't really ask him
for a beer or anything like that,
327
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:07,253
'cause they're like Saudi
Arabian, you know, royalty,
328
00:13:07,319 --> 00:13:08,471
or something like that.
329
00:13:08,472 --> 00:13:09,622
Saudi Arabia?
330
00:13:09,688 --> 00:13:11,090
What's going on, Kirby?
331
00:13:11,156 --> 00:13:13,025
I thought you told me
I was donating my time
332
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,426
for a kid's clinic.
333
00:13:14,493 --> 00:13:17,196
No, "kid" clinic, kid clinic.
334
00:13:17,263 --> 00:13:18,797
And there's the kid, hey!
335
00:13:18,864 --> 00:13:20,566
Hello!
336
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,568
Hey!
337
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,236
Let's go meet him.
338
00:13:24,303 --> 00:13:25,504
Six weeks?!
339
00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:27,611
Donald, you're the head
of the Player's Association.
340
00:13:27,673 --> 00:13:30,409
This is the most unfair
suspension of all time!
341
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:32,721
I mean, we haven't even heard
Sammy's side of the story yet!
342
00:13:32,745 --> 00:13:34,780
I hear you, Arliss,
but this is a tough one.
343
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,982
Well, that's your job is
to deal with tough ones!
344
00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:39,485
I know it, but just relax,
have the player call me.
345
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,289
Donald: Arliss, are
you there? Arliss?
346
00:13:43,355 --> 00:13:44,923
I spent ten minutes
at the elevator.
347
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,692
Didn't run into you.
348
00:13:46,759 --> 00:13:48,227
- Donald: Arliss?
- Donald, hold on.
349
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:49,995
Stanley, I am so sorry.
350
00:13:50,062 --> 00:13:51,230
This will just take a minute.
351
00:13:51,297 --> 00:13:52,731
I did run into Lisa Leslie.
352
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:55,367
Solved her schedule conflict
with a phone call to Nike,
353
00:13:55,434 --> 00:13:57,212
which I know exceeds
my authority around here,
354
00:13:57,236 --> 00:13:58,604
but what doesn't?
355
00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,711
- Stanley, don't...
- Look.
356
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:02,541
Let's just do this cleanly.
357
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:04,009
No need to blow smoke up my ass.
358
00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:07,046
Things end, people
move on, no big deal.
359
00:14:07,112 --> 00:14:08,890
- Donald: I'm hanging up now!
- Donald, I'll call you back.
360
00:14:08,914 --> 00:14:10,949
Stanley, Stanley, we'll
talk now. We'll talk now.
361
00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:12,016
Listen to me,
362
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,253
I would never blow
smoke up your ass.
363
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,454
You know why?
364
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:18,057
Because you're
too valuable to me.
365
00:14:18,123 --> 00:14:19,934
Who else would you
tell to wait at the elevator
366
00:14:19,958 --> 00:14:21,169
and then forget all about them?
367
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:22,278
Lisa Leslie.
368
00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:23,362
Okay, bad example.
369
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,373
Who else would still be
doing the same job for you
370
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,266
with no increase
in responsibility
371
00:14:27,333 --> 00:14:29,068
five years after you hired them?
372
00:14:29,134 --> 00:14:30,569
Rita and Kirby!
373
00:14:30,636 --> 00:14:33,005
Look, I don't take
you for granted!
374
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:34,506
And to prove it,
375
00:14:34,573 --> 00:14:38,243
I'm gonna make your
paycheck a little bit fatter.
376
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:39,812
I knew it!
377
00:14:39,878 --> 00:14:42,414
Excuse me, this is a
private conversation.
378
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,216
Oh, fine, and when
you're through,
379
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:47,519
you and I will have a
private conversation.
380
00:14:51,590 --> 00:14:53,559
What the hell are
my bags doing here?
381
00:14:53,625 --> 00:14:55,136
The limo driver left
them at Reception.
382
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:56,862
He said he waited
as long as he could
383
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:58,239
but he had another
airport run to do.
384
00:14:58,263 --> 00:15:00,132
- What?!
- Don't worry.
385
00:15:00,199 --> 00:15:01,242
They're sending another car.
386
00:15:01,266 --> 00:15:02,735
It should be here any minute.
387
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:03,978
I don't have time
for another car.
388
00:15:04,002 --> 00:15:05,847
Look, tell Kirby he's gotta
take me to the airport.
389
00:15:05,871 --> 00:15:07,005
Kirby's not here.
390
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:08,407
Okay, then, you'll take me.
391
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,310
Oh, sorry, I'm taking
allergy medication.
392
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,379
Can't operate heavy machinery.
393
00:15:13,445 --> 00:15:15,214
Especially what you pay me.
394
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,419
Oh, I guess you
want me to take you.
395
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,421
Sort of a "Driving
Mr. Daisy" thing?
396
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:24,189
Furthest thing from my mind.
397
00:15:24,256 --> 00:15:25,924
I'll get a cab downstairs.
398
00:15:25,991 --> 00:15:27,993
Because you have
important work to do here,
399
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:29,328
fulfilling autonomous work.
400
00:15:29,395 --> 00:15:30,996
Do me a favor, grab this thing.
401
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:32,474
Arliss, I changed the
ending of the song.
402
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:33,966
How about "oh" in harmony?
403
00:15:34,032 --> 00:15:35,667
Not now! Not now! Stanley, look.
404
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:37,069
I'll call you from the plane.
405
00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:38,504
We will talk as
long as you want.
406
00:15:38,570 --> 00:15:41,216
If we're still talking by the time
the plane lands, I won't let it land.
407
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,585
I'll make 'em head out to sea and
fly until the plane runs out of fuel.
408
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,244
But I have got
to get out of here.
409
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:48,247
Look, tell Sammy Stilton I will talk
to him as soon as I get to League.
410
00:15:48,313 --> 00:15:49,481
- Yo, Arliss!
- Sammy!
411
00:15:49,548 --> 00:15:51,150
Look, no more phone calls, man.
412
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,185
We gotta talk face to face
right now! So, come on!
413
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:55,463
Yeah, yeah. I was just saying
"Where's Sammy?" Wasn't I saying that?
414
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,089
I was saying, "Where's
my friend Sammy?"
415
00:15:58,624 --> 00:16:00,659
Listen Brett, why don't
you show Fahad there
416
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:04,329
that Brett Favre Super Bowl
special and I'll catch 'em?
417
00:16:06,298 --> 00:16:08,734
See here, grab
the laces right here.
418
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,169
That's what makes it spiral.
419
00:16:11,236 --> 00:16:13,338
Robert Brooks into the stands!
420
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,576
Your son is gonna
remember this moment
421
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:19,311
the rest of his life.
422
00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:21,613
Worth every penny.
423
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:23,048
So, what did we say, $50,000?
424
00:16:23,115 --> 00:16:24,650
That is correct.
425
00:16:24,716 --> 00:16:27,986
The same as my golf lesson
with that fuzzy gentleman.
426
00:16:28,053 --> 00:16:29,955
Hey listen,
427
00:16:30,022 --> 00:16:31,857
how would you like
to have Lisa Leslie
428
00:16:31,924 --> 00:16:33,659
teach that pretty
daughter of yours
429
00:16:33,725 --> 00:16:35,627
that pretty jump shot of hers?
430
00:16:35,694 --> 00:16:37,896
- Ah.
- That would be excellent.
431
00:16:37,963 --> 00:16:40,032
Show me, like,
your fastest pass.
432
00:16:40,098 --> 00:16:41,800
Hey, good idea.
433
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:45,170
So, the totals for today and
the basketball lady would be...
434
00:16:45,237 --> 00:16:46,839
No, no, not here, not here!!
435
00:16:46,905 --> 00:16:48,273
(groans)
436
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:51,643
Six week suspension?!
437
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:53,812
No, man, they can't do that!
438
00:16:53,879 --> 00:16:55,781
Unfortunately they can.
439
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:57,149
Now, I'll fight it,
440
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,851
but after this
Alamar spitting thing.
441
00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:00,929
I mean, the Umpire's
Association, they're on the warpath.
442
00:17:00,953 --> 00:17:04,389
"You dumb monkey,
go eat a banana."
443
00:17:04,456 --> 00:17:06,959
- Excuse me?
- That's what the dude said to me, man!
444
00:17:07,025 --> 00:17:08,927
The umpire! He
called me a monkey
445
00:17:08,994 --> 00:17:10,729
and he told me to
go eat a banana!
446
00:17:10,796 --> 00:17:12,798
That's what I've been
trying to tell you, Arliss!
447
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,566
He really said that?
448
00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:15,968
Fuck yeah, man!
449
00:17:16,034 --> 00:17:18,474
I'm telling you! Umpires, they're
going psycho these days, man.
450
00:17:18,504 --> 00:17:19,805
That's a complete breakdown
451
00:17:19,872 --> 00:17:21,182
of moral fucking
authority, right?
452
00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:23,075
Did anyone else hear him say it?
453
00:17:23,141 --> 00:17:26,445
No, He leaned in real
close and he said it.
454
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,380
So it's your word against his.
455
00:17:28,447 --> 00:17:29,882
He said it, Arliss!
456
00:17:29,948 --> 00:17:32,351
Look, make him
take a lie detector test!
457
00:17:32,417 --> 00:17:34,052
Just prove he's talking shit!
458
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,321
Otherwise I'm gonna
look like a national piss-pot!
459
00:17:36,388 --> 00:17:37,673
Shit!
460
00:17:37,674 --> 00:17:38,957
Look, I believe ya!
461
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:41,293
But I just gotta find
a way to prove this!
462
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,095
Skip: ♪ But they
don't feel sad ♪
463
00:17:43,161 --> 00:17:45,130
♪ They're the kids
who hear bad ♪
464
00:17:45,197 --> 00:17:47,232
♪ But they don't feel sad ♪
465
00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:49,701
♪ They can't hear,
but they can listen ♪
466
00:17:49,768 --> 00:17:53,505
Stanley, I need your help
with the Sammy Stilton thing.
467
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:55,674
Fine, what file do you need?
468
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,910
Not files, I need you
469
00:17:57,976 --> 00:18:00,178
to meet with me,
Sammy, and Skip Lewis.
470
00:18:00,245 --> 00:18:01,547
Skip Lewis,
471
00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,248
that annoying charity guy?
472
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:04,316
Why?
473
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:08,420
Last night's game.
474
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:10,923
Maddy, you ready
to give this a try?
475
00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:12,090
She's great, Arliss.
476
00:18:12,157 --> 00:18:13,525
Of all the deaf
kids I work with,
477
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:14,960
she's the best lip reader.
478
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,229
We're gonna test it out.
Okay, Shaq, cover your ears.
479
00:18:17,296 --> 00:18:18,397
Cover your ears.
480
00:18:21,466 --> 00:18:22,935
Tell me what I'm saying now
481
00:18:23,001 --> 00:18:24,570
with all the precision
you can manage.
482
00:18:29,908 --> 00:18:30,976
"Tell me what I'm saying
483
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:34,046
with all the precision
you can manage."
484
00:18:34,112 --> 00:18:35,314
Cool!
485
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:36,515
(Skip laughs)
486
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:37,849
Okay, you ready?
487
00:18:39,217 --> 00:18:40,285
Let's do it.
488
00:18:51,863 --> 00:18:53,532
The umpire said,
489
00:18:53,599 --> 00:18:55,901
"Please sit down, you're
being unreasonable."
490
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,436
What?!
491
00:18:59,605 --> 00:19:01,673
Oh, no. She's kidding.
492
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:03,442
Maddy's little joke.
493
00:19:03,508 --> 00:19:04,943
(Arliss chuckles)
494
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,479
Arliss: Very funny,
very cute, very funny.
495
00:19:09,348 --> 00:19:11,016
The umpire said...
496
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:14,987
"You dumb monkey,
go eat a banana."
497
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:16,888
I told you Arliss, I told you!
498
00:19:16,955 --> 00:19:19,558
This kid's got it
going on! (whoops)
499
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:23,195
Maddy, how would you
like to meet the president
500
00:19:23,261 --> 00:19:24,930
of the American League?
501
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,431
Go to a game, get a ball.
502
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:28,367
Yeah, okay, good.
Stanley's gonna take you.
503
00:19:28,433 --> 00:19:29,668
Me?
504
00:19:29,735 --> 00:19:31,570
Yeah.
505
00:19:32,871 --> 00:19:33,905
This is important.
506
00:19:33,972 --> 00:19:36,041
I need somebody I can count on.
507
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:37,719
Wait a minute, Arliss,
you're not gonna go?
508
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:40,078
No, Stanley's gonna go with ya.
509
00:19:40,145 --> 00:19:42,014
He's the best man
I've got working here.
510
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,516
You still work here, right?
511
00:19:46,718 --> 00:19:48,253
- Right.
- Good.
512
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:51,490
Let me listen to
what you gotta say.
513
00:19:51,556 --> 00:19:53,792
Well, Sammy...
514
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:55,761
you still face a suspension.
515
00:19:55,827 --> 00:19:58,530
Touching an umpire, no
way to un-ring that bell.
516
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:00,565
But, long after you're
back at center field
517
00:20:00,632 --> 00:20:02,567
that umpire's still gonna
be watching ball games
518
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,703
from a barstool and you
can quote me on that.
519
00:20:04,770 --> 00:20:06,638
Sammy: Okay, I'm down with that.
520
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,907
Stanley: Well, here's
how I see the meeting,
521
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,810
I'll open with the
tape and then segue...
522
00:20:14,579 --> 00:20:15,714
(whistling)
523
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,082
Betty Ford.
524
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:24,790
Arliss (narrating): Every meeting
I attend is my most important.
525
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,858
Enthusiasm is contagious.
526
00:20:26,925 --> 00:20:29,628
What excites me, excites others.
527
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:31,263
(sighs heavily)
528
00:20:31,329 --> 00:20:33,665
Please, forgive me, I got
here as soon as I could.
529
00:20:33,732 --> 00:20:34,733
Thanks for waiting.
530
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:35,734
You got 30 seconds.
531
00:20:36,968 --> 00:20:38,070
Okay.
532
00:20:38,136 --> 00:20:40,472
A collection of stories
about my exploits
533
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,607
as a sports super agent
is about to be published.
534
00:20:42,674 --> 00:20:44,042
And I wanted to
come to you first
535
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:47,713
because I think it would
make one hell of a TV series.
536
00:20:47,779 --> 00:20:50,248
It's funny, it's sexy,
it's sports, it's America.
537
00:20:50,315 --> 00:20:52,584
And the only place
for it is on HBO.
538
00:20:52,651 --> 00:20:54,453
It has Ted Turner
written all over it!
539
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:56,188
So what do you
think? Do you love it?
540
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:59,391
Hate it. Who'd watch
dumb-ass stories like that?
541
00:20:59,458 --> 00:21:00,892
No, no, you're wrong!
542
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:04,029
This is a home run, a
slam dunk, a no-brainer!
543
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,464
Pass, I gotta go.
544
00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:09,067
Ted, listen to me!
545
00:21:09,134 --> 00:21:10,335
You're making a mistake here.
546
00:21:10,402 --> 00:21:11,937
Don't make me
give this to Rupert!
547
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:15,006
(humming)
548
00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:20,145
Ted, you're not listening to me!
549
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:23,014
We're gonna pack this
show full of sports cameos.
550
00:21:23,081 --> 00:21:25,217
We begin and end
every episode with...
551
00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:26,918
My name is Arliss Michaels.
552
00:21:26,985 --> 00:21:28,854
I represent athletes.
553
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,356
These are my dumb-ass stories.
554
00:21:31,423 --> 00:21:33,024
(Ted humming)
555
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:39,931
♪ ♪
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