Original subtitles

Arliss: For most of us,

the dream of becoming a champion

remains a fantasy.

But for a special few,

it is very much a reality.

We cheer them.

We live through them.

Athletes are our last warriors.

My job is to make their dreams come true.

My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ Don't know what it is that makes me love you so ♪

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh, can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

(applause)

Bob Costas: Thank you.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

It's a great pleasure to be here tonight.

Arliss: December 17, 1995.

A date I will never forget.

It was the night I was honored as "A Man of Our Times"

by the Give a Damn Foundation.

A man worthy of our admiration

and our friendship, Arliss Michaels.

(applause)

Arliss: The fact that I, an agent, was to be honored,

had me dumbstruck.

The reality of it had finally sunk in.

How much?

A hundred and fifty thousand.

But it's deductible.

From my pocket!

L... let me get this straight.

It is costing me $150,000 to be named "Man of Our Times"?

It's a fund... raiser.

You know how these things work.

They honor someone who they think can get clients and friends

to sponsor tables at $10,000 a pop.

They're hoping to raise 400,000.

And...?

And they raised 250.

So they expect me to cover the rest?

Do you want them to announce that you raised less money

than last year's honoree?

I don't know, who was it?

O.J.

Arliss: Nothing makes me feel better than giving away my money.

My checkbook is a testament to my generosity.

I give with a smile on my face and with no strings attached.

Be sure I get a full-page ad in the program saluting me from Anonymous.

In addition to executive assistant Rita Wu,

my crack support staff is anchored by Kirby Carlisle,

former classmate, and my colleague from the very beginning.

Kirby is like my brother.

I could always tell what he's thinking.

How much?

Thirty... five, uh, thousand dollars.

You lost $35,000 on a football game?

Uh, actually it was 10,000 on... football,

and uh... 10,000 on baseball,

and... 15,000, uh, on basketball.

Oh, great, great. Why didn't you just bet on hockey?

(chuckles) Hockey?

What the fuck do I know about hockey?

Jesus.

Boss, it was a sure thing.

Look, look, Kirb, Kirb. We have been through this.

You know, we represent professional athletes here.

You can't be betting on ball games.

It looks like you have inside information.

Augh... That's what I thought, too!

Kirby, I'm washin' my hands of this thing.

Oh, no, no. Boss, boss...

you've gotta loan me the money.

I mean, these guys mean business.

They wanna break my foot.

You gotta help me.

Arliss: Being an agent, obstacles constantly arise.

But in truth, it really all comes down to the same thing...

How much?

All of it.

Three million dollars.

You can't do that.

You're contracted to exclusively sponsor

Sebastian and Nicky's Ice Extravaganza.

I got a 30-city sold out tour!

As you know, we at Bristol-Myers

want to project a clean, wholesome, family-type image.

As do we at Wal-Mart.

I don't understand.

Sebastian and Nicki are the epitome

of family entertainment.

"Grimm's Fairy Tales... on Ice."

"Sleeping Beauty... on Ice"!

"Rumpelstiltskin... on Ice."

We're concerned about the theme of this year's show.

It's a Horatio Alger story. A classic rags-to-riches tale.

Don't tell me you don't like Horatio Alger.

It's not because we don't like Horatio Alger.

It's because of the poster.

The poster?

Yes! Look!

Arliss: Arliss Michaels presents...

Sebastian and Nicki, America's Darlings,

in Horatio Alger's "'Ragged Dick' On Ice!"

Well, as you can see, it... it looks like...

well, it... could be construed as...

It looks like we're talking about his schlong.

Look, you know how sensitive my clients are.

They want family values.

Wait a minute... are you saying that this is a deal breaker?

That's a possibility.

A strong possibility.

I don't respond very well to threats.

And before I get very upset,

and say something very foolish...

I'm just gonna walk out that door and compose myself.

Excuse me.

Look out! Look out! Look out, here!

Comin' through! Hot soup! Hot soup! Hot soup!

Hot soup! Hot soup!

Stanley, quick. What are the projections for the ice show?

Okay. Ticket sales being what they are,

and saying that Ticketmaster doesn't try to appropriate

any more than their usual share,

I'd estimate a gross between nine million to nine-seven-five,

making our take about 900,000.

Nine hundred thousand. Now, if I've gotta change the poster

and the campaign, what's that gonna cost?

Well, that depends...

You have to add, uh... new key artwork.

New distribution costs. Add our overhead...

(bell dings)

New television trailer. New marketing costs.

Add our overhead...

(bell dings)

New... t-shirt design.

Newwww theme song...

and...

adding our overhead...

(bell dings)

I'd say about 50,000.

Fifty thousand.

- Thanks. - Is something up?

Yeah. Horatio Alger just lost his ragged dick.

Good friends...

what we have here is a very delicate situation.

However, as a favor to you,

I will present the situation to Sebastian,

and do my best to assure a satisfactory adjustment.

We appreciate that.

We appreciate that greatly.

However, I want it understood that this adjustment

is going to affect the budget.

The budget?

Well, yes, if we're gonna have to change the whole campaign,

there's gonna be additional art costs, marketing costs,

distribution costs...

How much?

Then there's additional wardrobe costs,

music costs... as a favor to you, I'll waive my overhead...

How much?

I would say we're looking somewhere

in the neighborhood of...

(cash register ringing)

(opera music playing)

Arliss: Each client brings with them a different set of objectives.

Each has their own unique individuality.

They are artists.

My job is to encourage them, nurture them,

and allow that individuality to flourish.

(opera music continues)

Arliss: (clapping) Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!

- Arliss, Arliss! - Nicki Nicole!

Arliss!

How's the queen of the silver skates?

(sighs) Be honest with me, Arliss.

- What? - Do I look heavy?

What? What? You look great.

In fact, you look great!

Aw, thanks, but you know how hard it is to keep this weight off.

I know, I know.

So um... how is our boy?

Him? He's in a mood.

Yeah? Is it a good mood or a bad mood?

Does it matter? Give him five minutes, it'll change.

Anyway, I gotta go throw up.

All right. Have fun.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, how's the king of the frozen floor?

Never felt better in my life.

That's great. Look, um...

Sebastian, we gotta talk.

Now I know you're really fond of this Horatio Alger piece,

but some of the sponsors are expressing some kind of reservations

about showcasing it.

Fine, lose it.

Lose it?

It's history, okay?

Great!

How do I look?

You look great.

I feel great.

Great!

You know why?

Why? Because you've got a 30-city sold out tour about to start!

Nope.

No? Because you and Nicki

are the most popular skating team in history.

♪ I'm as corny as Kansas in August ♪

♪ I'm as happy as blueberry pie ♪

You're doing "South Pacific"?

I'm getting married.

Great! Great!

Congratulations! I mean, I had no idea.

This is rather sudden, isn't it?

I suppose. But Robo and I are so simpatico.

Robo?

Actually, it's Roberto. But everyone calls him Robo.

Roberto?

He's Prince Charming, in the finale.

Prince Charming. He's gonna marry Prince Charming.

Actually, he's the understudy.

But think of the symbolism.

Here I am, looking all my life for Prince Charming,

and he's actually Prince Charming.

Isn't that a hoot?

He's gonna marry Prince Charming.

What if we had the ceremony on ice?

What do you mean, "ceremony on ice"?

Opening night, the grand finale.

Have a big ceremony.

Sebastian, I really think we should think this over,

I mean, this... (chuckles) this is a pretty bold move!

Sebastian: Don't you understand?

♪ I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love ♪

♪ I'm in love, I'm in love with a wonderful guy! ♪

Arliss: All my clients know that to me, they're family.

LaTrelle's in there.

(glass breaking)

Hey, hey, hey, how's the king of the defensive backs?

They took my motherfuckin' Benz, man!

Okay, relax. Relax, now who took your car?

The man! Mr. Charlie!

You know, motherfuckin' creditors and shit, man!

Brand new fuckin' Benz, too, man, damn!

And now they're tryin' to take my crib, man!

Uh, I believe I explained to you that that house was beyond your means.

Hey, I'm LaTrelle Shabazz, baby.

I'm the greatest defensive back

this entire league has ever seen.

You have to learn to curb your spending.

I got my moms. I got two ex-wives,

five kids, and a girlfriend.

I got back alimony, child support.

Y'all motherfuckers need to get me some new endorsements.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We've been through this.

No one will touch you. You broke a morals clause

on your Ben and Jerry's contract.

Oh, man, fuck that!

That girl looked older, man!

Bes... besides, what's that gotta do with crunchy caramel?

I made a mistake.

Must you get them pregnant all the time?

Two times ain't all the time, man.

Okay, that's enough. That's enough!

Look... Arliss. I need money, man.

My investments suck. I need money now, Arliss.

Arliss: To best service my clients,

I go straight to the top.

Arliss, I hope you don't mind puffed rice.

I've got my cholesterol up since I let Jimmy Johnson go and got my ass in a crack.

No, I... I'm pretty fond of puffed rice.

Um, listen, Jerry.

I need to talk business regarding LaTrelle Shabazz.

Hey, that poor fella's got the legs

of a three-month-old calf.

Wobbly as hell.

Aw, come on, Jerry, he still hits good.

The only thing he's hit by are paternity suits.

He's given you five good years.

Made all pro three years, led the league in interceptions one year.

Arliss, ancient history. The only thing he's been intercepting

are Denny's waitresses.

Jerry... the guy needs an advance

against next year's salary.

Advance? Arliss, we're gonna drop him

at the end of the year.

Drop him?

You... you... you can't do that.

Sure I can.

No, no, no, no, he... he's got a guaranteed contract.

I know, I negotiated it.

And a heck of a negotiation.

Signing bonuses, incentive clauses,

whale of a deal.

But we're gonna exercise that buy-out option

when we pay him 10 percent, and kiss his ass goodbye,

if I can find a place on there that doesn't have a tattoo.

Jerry, you can't kick a man when he's down.

Sure you can. How do you think I bought this team?

Shaq, so what we're talking about

is a two-hour prime-time special during sweeps.

"Shaq's World of Sports", I kinda like that title.

I liked it, too.

And we'll have you at the Olympics, at the Masters...

-Baseball? -(laughs) Tell you what...

- if I go to spring training... - Hmm?

I won't be hittin' no 202.

(all laughing)

Come on, I'll show you those figures.

All right. Shaq, I'll be right back.

Shaquille O'Neal. How the hell are you?

Pretty good, how are you doin'?

So, uh, gettin' ready for the playoffs?

Yeah, but if this bone in my thumb don't heal,

I might not play at all.

Really?

Whoo... your thumb's not healing?

I might not even make it through the first round.

Boy... that would be awful, wouldn't it?

Rita, do you have any lithium? I'm not havin' a good day.

Uh, see you around, Shaq.

Hey hey hey! Shaquille, man, my main man!

How's the king of the broken backboards?

Not too bad, not too bad.

Uh, excuse me, but, uh, this gentleman has been waiting for you.

So...?

I'm Roberto St. Jacques.

Ye-es?

Sebastian's fiancé?

Oh, yes! Yes! Of course!

Uh, Shaq, just, uh, hang here, give me a minute, will ya?

- Uh, drink? - No.

- Something to drink sure? - No, no.

Beer? Wine? Maybe a pastis?

Nothing? Please sit. Sit right here.

Please.

Ah, great.

- Mr. St. Jacques. - Robo.

Robo. Let me just say how nice it is to meet you.

Sebastian speaks so highly of you.

Look. And wait until you see the Mikimoto pearls.

Yes, now... what we've got here

is a very, very delicate situation.

Now the two of you are in love, and personally...

I think that's great.

But we've got to consider the response

of a vast American public.

I couldn't agree more.

So... keeping that in mind,

I'd like you to reconsider the timing of the wedding.

I mean, after all, with Sebastian's crazy schedule,

I could think of, like, a thousand reasons

why we should probably postpone the wedding.

A thousand?

Oh, I could think of a lot more than a thousand.

(laughs) Exactly!

I... I... I probably could think of 10,000.

Oh, I could probably think of a lot more than 10,000!

A lot more than 10,000?

Oh, I could probably think of, like, 200,000.

Two... hundred thousand?

I... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm not sure

that I un... understand you completely.

I want $200,000 to shut up and go away.

How much?

Personally, I think it's a bit too low, but why haggle?

Wait, wait, wait... Mr. St. Jacques...

(out of breath) I'm shocked.

In fact, I am very tempted to pick up this phone,

and to call Sebastian and tell him what you just proposed!

No. You're wrong.

Sebastian just proposed to me.

If you say anything, I'll tell him my side of the story,

which is you tried to buy me out!

The boy's in love.

Who do you think he's gonna believe?

Besides, like you said,

this is a very delicate situation.

Nobody wants to see themselves on "Hard Copy".

This is disgusting.

Disgusting? You don't know what disgusting is.

I've been in this ice show circuit for 13 years.

I started out as a skating shrub!

And then I was one of the Three Little Pigs.

One of the three little fucking piggies!

And when I finally became a Smurf,

that was a step up!

Look... look, I appreciate your discomfort,

but you did make the career choice.

In addition, I want to play King Arthur in your next tour,

and I demand casting approval over the roundtable.

You know, there's a word for this.

Yes, I know.

Leverage.

Leverage, honey.

Leverage.

♪ Now it's over ♪

♪ Suddenly over ♪

Arliss: The hardest part of my job

is telling a client bad news.

Their pain is my pain.

But no matter how the client may react,

I try to be straightforward, honest, and sincere.

♪ I'm the best at the sack ♪

♪ The best in the sack, baby ♪

♪ I'm one smooth defensive back, dig it ♪

Women: ♪ Dee dee dee dee Defensive back ♪

♪ Dee dee dee dee Defensive back ♪

Arliss, what's up, man?

- Don't stop. - Aw, fuck that, man.

Look at you, standing' out here lookin' like

a stepchild and shit, man.

So, what do you think?

Oh, solid, man. Look, uh, can we, uh, talk privately?

Aw, shit, yeah, man. Um, ladies, ladies, check it out, uh,

why don't y'all go in the kitchen

and get some lemonades or some shit?

Okay, Daddy.

Yeah.

Bye, baby.

- Yeah. - Pleasure to meet you.

Nice girls.

Oh... yeah, shit, come on in, man, what's up?

What you got for me, baby?

Oh, man. You shoulda seen me.

You shoulda seen me.

I went to the wall for you.

I went toe-to-toe with Jerry Jones.

And?

They're not gonna pick up your contract.

Aw, fuck, Arliss, man, fuck that, man, that's bullshit!

Arliss, you fuckin' promised me, man!

What am I gonna do now, man... I've done everything for that fuckin' team!

Of course you have!

Well, actually, you haven't done that much for them this year.

Arliss: Sometimes a negative can be turned into a positive.

Arliss always says, when one door closes, another one opens.

Ugh, look at this. Look at this.

Look at this! Every paper

prints the damn betting line!

You know, all anybody talks about is the point spread.

Every local TV show prognosticator, every two-bit local columnist.

I mean, even the average Joe man on the street,

all they talk about is the damn point spread, and you know what?

It sucks!

What the fuck are you babblin' about, man?

I'll tell you what I'm babblin' about.

Take, for instance, this week's game.

I think your team's favored by 10 points.

Now let's just say, hypothetically speaking,

that your team is ahead by more than 10 points,

and the last play happens to be a pass

in the direction of a certain

de-de-defensive back.

He goes up to break up the play, but unfortunately, he trips...

Goddamn Astroturf!

And as he valiantly falls to the ground,

the receiver catches a meaningless touchdown pass.

Now, unfortunate as that may be,

his team still wins the game.

But they just do it by less than 10 points.

Less than 10 points, huh?

Now, there are some people who would be very happy

about a defensive back's mishap.

Yeah, man, and... and a win is still a win, right?

Exactly.

Because after that defensive back's career is over,

and it might be after this game,

he's gonna have to look himself

in the mirror and say...

"Did I get everything I could've out of this game?"

How much?

Five hundred thousand dollars.

Five hundred thousand?

Sh-sh-sh-sh...

Boss... I mean, that is heavy money.

These guys are gonna know somethin' isn't kosher.

Why? You've lost that much over the years,

and they've always been supportive.

Oh, yes, but not on one game!

I mean, you don't wanna fool around with these guys.

I won't. You will.

Me?

Where am I gonna get that kinda cash?

Arliss: Will the numbers ever add up?

Anyway, I hope you now understand

why the evening of December 17th

was so important to me.

Something to all of us on the dais, and really, to each and every one of you

in this room.

Arliss: That night my focus was on one thing

and one thing only: all the good that this evening was doing

for other people.

Arliss was also the agent who talked me into doing the Jockey underwear deal.

But you know, Arliss, I think really what it comes down to is that,

you just like making money off my balls.

(laughter) Ohhh!

Ann Meyers: And I remember the first time...

Arliss: As the evening progressed,

and basketball great Ann Meyers took to the podium,

I paid rapt attention, as my dear friend tossed good natured barbs

in my direction.

I wanted an agent, and he wanted a date for New Year's Eve.

(laughter)

Well, we've all had a good time tonight,

but enough of the hi-jinks, let's get to the real reason why we're here.

I'm talkin' about Arliss Michaels the humanitarian.

Arliss Michaels, the civic leader.

Arliss: When Bob started paying tribute I thought, who am I, an agent,

to receive such accolades?

But I admit, I am proud of my profession.

Sebastian, this came for you.

Thanks.

Arliss: I believe I have affected other people's lives.

Robo's voice: Dear Sebastian, Sorry, I had a chance

to do "Camelot" in Vancouver. I had to take it.

Ciao! Robo.

You're on.

(opera music playing)

Arliss: Being an agent is a lot like being a parent.

You've got to to do things for other people's good.

They may not like it at first, but they'll thank you later.

(screaming)

(crash)

Arliss: And that night, I was grateful for everything

that was happening to me.

Announcer: Nine seconds left. Ball on the six yard line.

Defense breaks the huddle.

As do the Skins.

This'll be the last play of the game, the Skins are down by 12.

So a score won't affect the final outcome.

Motion! Motion!

Bob Costas: I'm talkin' about Arliss Michaels

the humanitarian. Arliss Michaels the civic leader.

Arliss Michaels the big brother.

Announcer: Quarterback barks signals, here's the snap!

Ladies and gentlemen, a man who epitomizes

what sports is really all about today...

Announcer: He's looking into the end zone.

Shabazz trips, he's down!

Bob Costas: It is with pride that I give you

Arliss Michaels, truly "A Man of Our Times."

(applause)

Announcer: Broller is wide open!

He drops the ball! He drops the ball on a sure touchdown!

Oh, baby!

♪ I only know I never wanna let you go ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ It happens to be true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

Arliss: For me... it was a million dollar moment.

♪ It doesn't matter where you go or what you do ♪

♪ I wanna spend each moment of the day with you ♪

Arliss: My name is Arliss Michaels.

I represent athletes.

These are my stories.

♪ It's crazy but it's true ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪ You stopped and smiled at me, asked if I cared to dance ♪

♪ I fell into your open arms and I didn't stand a chance ♪

♪ Now listen honey ♪

♪ I just wanna be beside you everywhere ♪

♪ As long as we're together, honey, I don't care ♪

♪ 'Cause you started something, oh can't you see ♪

♪ That ever since we met you had a hold on me ♪

♪ No matter what you do ♪

♪ I only wanna be with you ♪

♪♪