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1
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:08,376
* Larry was just a single dad
2
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:12,146
* Till a toxic spill
in the science lab *
3
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:17,085
* Gave him super strength
and X-ray eyes *
4
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:21,789
* He cooks, he cleans,
and now he flies *
5
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:24,658
* Superdad
6
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:28,762
* He's a Superdad
7
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,132
* He's a whiz
in the kitchen *
8
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:34,168
* Makes potatoes au gratin...
9
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:41,909
* While helping the government
find Osama bin Laden. *
10
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:45,913
Oh, hey.
11
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,081
What's that?
12
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,316
I'm writing a theme song
13
00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:49,950
for a new sitcom
on Nickelodeon.
14
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:53,087
Does the show suck
as much as the song?
15
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:57,291
Who the hell are you?
16
00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:58,726
Oh, this is my
friend, Eldridge.
17
00:00:58,792 --> 00:00:59,760
He plays drums.
18
00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:00,894
Okay.
19
00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:02,630
That explains the bad attitude.
20
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:04,064
What, you're ragging
on my name?
21
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,966
No, I'm ragging
on your instrument.
22
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,669
Now, beat it. I'm busy.
23
00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:09,970
(chuckles)
He said "beat it."
24
00:01:10,037 --> 00:01:12,840
And "instrument."
25
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:20,080
* Fighting crime,
packing lunches *
26
00:01:20,148 --> 00:01:24,618
* Changing diapers
and throwing punches... *
27
00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:27,621
Little turd was right.
28
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,657
This does suck.
29
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:31,659
Hey.
30
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:32,726
Hey.
31
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,027
Jake's friend show up?
32
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,596
Yeah, he's here.
33
00:01:35,663 --> 00:01:37,030
When's he leaving?
34
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,432
I said he could spend the night.
35
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:40,801
Really? Did you consider
clearing it with me?
36
00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:43,371
You would have said no
to Jake having a friend over?
37
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:47,175
If you recall, seven years ago,
I said no to having Jake over.
38
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,644
And yet, here he is,
so what's the point in asking?
39
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,513
Fine.
40
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:54,682
What do we know
about the little drummer boy?
41
00:01:54,748 --> 00:01:58,018
Not much. Jakes says he's one
of the cool kids at school.
42
00:01:58,085 --> 00:02:00,020
Then, why is he
hanging out with Jake?
43
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,190
Are you saying
my son's not cool?
44
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,957
I'm saying your son
got his tongue stuck
45
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,359
to the freezer last weekend.
46
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,195
That could have happened
to anybody.
47
00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,464
Anybody who tried to pick up
an Eskimo Pie with their tongue.
48
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:12,500
His hands were full.
49
00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,902
With a HoneyBaked Ham.
50
00:02:14,968 --> 00:02:17,004
Okay, so he's not cool.
51
00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,672
And he eats a lot of crap.
52
00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,140
And his grades aren't the best.
53
00:02:20,208 --> 00:02:22,943
And his personal hygiene
is a little sketchy.
54
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:25,579
Is there a "but" coming?
55
00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:28,649
But he's my son,
56
00:02:28,716 --> 00:02:31,719
and I love him.
57
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:33,554
(chuckles)
58
00:02:33,621 --> 00:02:34,788
What's so funny?
59
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:37,991
Mom says the same thing
about you.
60
00:02:38,058 --> 00:02:40,994
Really? Mom says she loves me?
61
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,833
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
62
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:49,403
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
63
00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:52,306
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
64
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,408
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *
65
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:56,810
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
66
00:02:56,877 --> 00:03:00,113
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
67
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,952
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
68
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:13,727
* Men.
69
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:17,398
* He's a member of the PTA
70
00:03:17,465 --> 00:03:21,869
* He wears leotards,
but he's not gay *
71
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:24,738
* Superdad
72
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,474
* He's a Supe...
73
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,443
(electronic drums playing)
74
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,045
Stupid drummers.
75
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,320
(playing rock power chords)
76
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,557
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
77
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:44,658
hey, hey!
78
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,159
Hey.
79
00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:49,129
I'm trying to work out there.
80
00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,032
Well, what do you think
we're doing in here, man?
81
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:54,802
Don't feed me straight lines,
Alfalfa.
82
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,705
Just keep it down.
83
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,576
Alfalfa?
84
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:03,844
He gives everyone
nicknames.
85
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:04,878
I'm Pumpkin Head.
86
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,747
My dad's the Sponge.
87
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:09,650
Don't even ask
what he calls my grandma.
88
00:04:09,717 --> 00:04:12,386
It rhymes with "bitch."
89
00:04:12,453 --> 00:04:14,322
Oh, wait, it is Bitch.
90
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,258
Rhymes with, uh...
91
00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,427
Ditch?
92
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:20,728
No.
93
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:21,762
Snitch?
94
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:23,431
No.
95
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,900
Itch?
No.
96
00:04:27,801 --> 00:04:29,703
Man, this is boring.
97
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,572
Hold on. I'll think of it.
98
00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,807
No, I mean, what are we going
to do tonight?
99
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,743
I don't know.
What do you want to do?
100
00:04:35,809 --> 00:04:37,110
I don't know.
101
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:38,512
Well, I don't know, either.
102
00:04:39,647 --> 00:04:41,114
Hey.
103
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,016
Why don't we steal some beer
from your fridge,
104
00:04:43,083 --> 00:04:44,918
go down to the beach
and get wasted.
105
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:47,020
Okay, but I got to warn you,
106
00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:49,390
I get kind of stupid
when I drink.
107
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:52,059
Don't worry. You can leave
the thinking to me.
108
00:04:54,462 --> 00:04:55,596
Hey, you know what?
109
00:04:55,663 --> 00:04:58,632
It does rhyme with "ditch."
110
00:04:58,699 --> 00:05:01,001
What does?
111
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,905
* Men.
112
00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,341
BOY (over TV):
Daddy, is Mr. Boots dead?
113
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:10,010
MAN:
Well, Jay Bob, you did throw him
out of a moving car.
114
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:11,679
That's never good
for a housecat.
115
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,381
(audience laughing)
116
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:16,049
JAY BOB:
I thought they were supposed
to land on their feet.
117
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,918
MAN:
And that's what he
was trying to do
118
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:19,587
when he bounced off
the FedEx truck.
119
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,321
But let me see what I can do.
120
00:05:21,389 --> 00:05:23,957
Cover your eyes.
JAY BOB: Okay.
121
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:27,561
(high-pitched whirring)
122
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:29,963
(cat meows)
123
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:33,033
JAY BOB:
Mr. Boots, you're okay!
124
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,803
MAN:
Just remember, he's only got
five lives left.
125
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,005
(laughter)
126
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:42,209
Maybe my song
doesn't suck enough.
127
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,176
Hey.
128
00:05:43,243 --> 00:05:44,778
So, where's Jake
and Eldridge?
129
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:45,979
Beats me.
130
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,581
Last I saw them,
they were stealing beer
131
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,883
out of the fridge
and sneaking out the back.
132
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,852
They stole beer?
133
00:05:51,919 --> 00:05:54,354
They had to.
I locked up the hard stuff.
134
00:05:54,422 --> 00:05:56,156
Charlie!
135
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,626
Relax. How drunk can they get
off a 12-pack?
136
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,093
(sighs)
137
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,161
Damn it.
138
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:02,530
This had to be
Eldridge's idea.
139
00:06:02,596 --> 00:06:04,632
Jake would never think of it
on his own.
140
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:05,733
That's true.
141
00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:07,067
Last bright idea he had
142
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:10,070
was to pick up an Eskimo Pie
with his tongue.
143
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:11,939
I better go look for them.
144
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,907
Good idea.
145
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,809
Embarrass him in front
of his only guy friend.
146
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,778
Eldridge
isn't his only guy friend.
147
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,547
Who else does he hang out with?
148
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:23,216
And you can't count you, me,
or military recruiters.
149
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:24,785
So, what, I'm supposed
to do nothing?
150
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,219
They have to be punished.
151
00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:29,356
Don't worry. The alcohol
will punish them plenty.
152
00:06:29,423 --> 00:06:31,058
Yeah, that's really worked
for you.
153
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:35,295
Trust me, Alan:
inside, I'm suffering.
154
00:06:38,932 --> 00:06:41,134
Oh, the agony.
155
00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:46,540
* Men.
156
00:06:46,607 --> 00:06:49,943
(retching)
157
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:52,780
Beer's not so cool now, is it?
158
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,515
Leave me alone.
159
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,584
And you--
160
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,351
what is your mother
going to say?
161
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,654
(retching)
162
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,423
For God's sake,
that's wicker!
163
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,092
(chuckling):
Hey.
164
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,860
How are we all doing in here?
165
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,731
(Jake and Eldridge retching)
166
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:14,001
You should have stopped them
when you had the chance.
167
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,503
And miss out on this?
168
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,337
How's it hanging,
Alfalfa?
169
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:20,040
(retching)
170
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:22,543
And you call yourself a drummer.
171
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:26,313
Keith Moon is vomiting
in his grave.
172
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,483
* Men.
173
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,685
(playing romantic melody)
174
00:07:42,563 --> 00:07:44,331
That's really beautiful,
Charlie.
175
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:45,899
Thanks.
176
00:07:45,966 --> 00:07:48,335
I wrote it before
I got kicked out of Juilliard.
177
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:50,704
I got to ask:
178
00:07:50,771 --> 00:07:52,640
how'd you go from writing
something like that
179
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,474
to jingles and kid music?
180
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,810
Well, after I left school,
181
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,680
I came back to L.A.
hoping to write film scores.
182
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,549
But I met this advertising guy
183
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,651
who needed a song
about toothpaste.
184
00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:05,786
Before I knew it, I was rhyming
185
00:08:05,853 --> 00:08:08,856
"exhilaration"
with "constipation."
186
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:11,625
"Open doors" with "cold sores."
187
00:08:11,692 --> 00:08:14,494
And one I am particularly
proud of,
188
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:17,364
"make a switch"
with "feminine itch."
189
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:18,932
I hear you.
190
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,602
When I came out here,
I was hoping to be a dancer.
191
00:08:21,669 --> 00:08:24,437
(stops playing)
Really?
192
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:25,573
Yeah.
193
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,240
Then I met pot and doughnuts.
194
00:08:27,307 --> 00:08:29,810
Before I knew it,
I was scrubbing toilets
195
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,913
and hosing teenage barf
out of wicker baskets.
196
00:08:33,814 --> 00:08:36,116
Rhyme that, Beethoven.
197
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:42,389
* A tisket, a tasket
198
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,892
* I'm barfing in a basket.
199
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,596
That's what pays
your salary, baby.
200
00:08:48,662 --> 00:08:49,763
(doorbell ringing)
201
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,198
All right, this
is Eldridge's mom.
202
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,800
I'm going to give her
a piece of my mind.
203
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:54,668
Oh, just let it go.
204
00:08:54,735 --> 00:08:56,704
No, no. This is poor parenting
on her part,
205
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:58,505
and she needs to know about it.
206
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,473
Hi. I'm here
to pick up Eldridge.
207
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,009
I hope he wasn't
too much trouble.
208
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,376
Trouble?
209
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,245
He was an angel.
Come on in.
210
00:09:07,781 --> 00:09:09,149
* Superdad.
211
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:10,951
* Men.
212
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,624
* Men.
213
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:18,726
Thank you so much, Alan.
214
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:20,661
Well, hey, Eldridge
is welcome anytime.
215
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,095
We single parents
have to stick together.
216
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:23,430
Yeah.
See you, buddy.
217
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:24,998
Yeah, bite me.
218
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:26,266
I heard that, young man.
219
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:27,868
Good for you.
Get in the car.
220
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,771
Can I drive?
Not with a suspended
license, you can't.
221
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:34,041
You suck!
And you're
ruining my life!
222
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,943
Okay, bye-bye.
223
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:43,951
Yes?
224
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,820
What happened to giving her
a piece of your mind?
225
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:49,389
Oh, come on.
We both know what happened.
226
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:51,124
Right.
227
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:54,795
Piece of tail always trumps
piece of mind, doesn't it?
228
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,129
What do you want from me?
229
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,397
She's a beautiful woman.
230
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,832
She's been through
a tough divorce.
231
00:09:58,899 --> 00:10:00,533
She raising a teenage son
by herself.
232
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,769
Last thing she needs
233
00:10:01,835 --> 00:10:03,671
is me dumping more
problems in her lap.
234
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,840
So, what are your plans
for her lap?
235
00:10:06,907 --> 00:10:08,475
I don't know.
I... I might call her.
236
00:10:08,541 --> 00:10:09,509
We'll see.
237
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,510
You're unbelievable.
238
00:10:10,577 --> 00:10:11,912
Your son finally gets a friend,
239
00:10:11,979 --> 00:10:13,580
and you're going to try
to nail his mother?
240
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,148
All right, okay, first of all,
241
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,184
with a classy woman like
Lyndsey, there's no nailing.
242
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:18,952
There's, uh...
there's dating and bonding
243
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,821
and-and getting
to know one another.
244
00:10:20,888 --> 00:10:23,423
And then, you know, eventually
consummating the relationship
245
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:25,325
with mutual respect and caring.
246
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:26,794
Oh, grow up.
247
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:30,731
This is a hot divorced mom
from the Valley.
248
00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,632
You're going to need
three penises
249
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,468
and a set of jumper cables
just to get her attention.
250
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:38,105
Oh, you're disgusting.
251
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:39,673
Hey, I'm not the one trying
252
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,975
to bang the drummer's mom
slowly.
253
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,376
Don't you judge me.
254
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,813
Why not?
255
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,783
You've slept with one
of Jake's teachers,
256
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:51,985
his den mother,
his karate instructor,
257
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,888
his ballet teacher,
and his aunt.
258
00:10:54,955 --> 00:10:57,791
Great. So five wrongs
make a right.
259
00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:59,192
What?
260
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:02,495
If I jump off a bridge and land
on top of some broad Jake knows,
261
00:11:02,562 --> 00:11:04,464
that makes it okay
for you to do it, too?
262
00:11:04,531 --> 00:11:06,266
What?
263
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,935
I think I've made my point.
264
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,540
What?
265
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,244
* Men.
266
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:22,082
I'm never gonna drink again.
267
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,517
Quitter.
268
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:25,585
Charlie?
269
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,020
Oh, right.
270
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:27,988
Atta boy.
271
00:11:29,757 --> 00:11:31,458
Here's your wastebasket.
272
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:32,826
I rinsed it out,
273
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:35,929
but there are still some
tiny chunks in the weave.
274
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,932
Maybe you could use
your dad's Waterpik.
275
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,034
Give the kid a break, Berta.
276
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,102
He's hung over.
277
00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:45,205
Oh, the poor dear.
278
00:11:46,840 --> 00:11:50,110
Next time, tell your friends
to puke out the window.
279
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:55,048
Want to know
a surefire hangover cure?
280
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:57,818
Never stop drinking.
281
00:11:59,119 --> 00:11:59,686
Charlie?
282
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:00,921
Let me finish.
283
00:12:00,988 --> 00:12:03,523
Or never start
in the first place.
284
00:12:04,691 --> 00:12:06,426
See how I turned that around?
285
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,095
Bring it home, Dr. Cosby.
286
00:12:09,897 --> 00:12:11,464
All right, for starters,
287
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:14,001
you and Eldridge stole beer
that did not belong to you.
288
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,036
That is not how I raised you.
289
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:19,840
Now to the issue
of underage drinking.
290
00:12:19,907 --> 00:12:24,044
Not only is it against the law,
alcohol destroys brain cells.
291
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,145
Alan, Alan,
292
00:12:25,212 --> 00:12:26,814
you gotta tailor the pitch
to the audience.
293
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:27,680
What do you mean?
294
00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:29,116
Forget brain cells.
295
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:31,952
Jake, listen to me.
This is very important.
296
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:35,055
Alcohol can make it tough
to get a boner.
297
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,624
You're kidding.
298
00:12:37,690 --> 00:12:41,428
I can't tell you
how many times I've said,
299
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:44,064
"This has never happened
before."
300
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:46,967
Huh.
301
00:12:48,368 --> 00:12:49,636
Where are you going?
302
00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,738
To check out your theory.
303
00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:57,911
Remember: he's your son,
and you love him.
304
00:12:57,978 --> 00:13:02,916
* Up, up, and away in my...
305
00:13:02,983 --> 00:13:05,485
Dr. Alan Harper.
May I help you?...
306
00:13:05,552 --> 00:13:07,888
Oh, oh, hi, Lyndsey.
307
00:13:07,955 --> 00:13:11,191
No, no, you're
not interrupting.
308
00:13:11,258 --> 00:13:13,026
Just doin' some
stomach crunches.
309
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:13,760
Hang on.
310
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,228
And... a thousand.
311
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,564
So what's up?
312
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:19,666
Uh, tonight?
313
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:22,035
Sure, sure, I'd love to.
314
00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,171
Yeah, yeah, I know that place.
315
00:13:24,237 --> 00:13:26,106
8:00? Perfect.
316
00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:26,940
See you then.
317
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,608
(chuckles)
How about that?
318
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,643
She called me.
Wants to have drinks.
319
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:32,579
Nice.
What are you gonna tell Jake?
320
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,547
Who?
321
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,616
I mean, what do you mean?
322
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:38,151
I mean, are you gonna tell him
323
00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:39,920
you're hookin' up
with his buddy's mom?
324
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:42,189
Okay, first of all, nobody said
anything about hooking up.
325
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,623
It's just drinks.
326
00:13:43,690 --> 00:13:46,559
And-and second of all, Jake went
out and had drinks last night
327
00:13:46,626 --> 00:13:47,794
and didn't tell me.
328
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:53,500
Man, that's the most lame-ass
rationalization
329
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:56,069
for questionable behavior
I've ever heard from you.
330
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:57,370
Yeah, so?
331
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,139
Kudos.
332
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,776
Hey, Uncle Charlie?
You were wrong.
333
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,018
* Men.
334
00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,621
It is so nice to get out
of the house
335
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:16,123
and spend time
with another grownup.
336
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,024
I know.
337
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,192
It's hard to be a single parent.
338
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,327
Thankless, really.
339
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,828
Oh, tell me about it.
340
00:14:21,895 --> 00:14:22,795
Dealing with the ex.
341
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:23,630
Setting boundaries.
342
00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:24,364
The loneliness.
343
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:25,398
The frustration.
344
00:14:25,465 --> 00:14:26,333
It's all worth it though.
345
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,567
Oh, yeah.
346
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:30,537
My son is the greatest
gift of my life.
347
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,105
Mine, too.
348
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:34,807
I can't imagine loving anything
more than I love Jake.
349
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,309
To our children.
350
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,078
Our children.
351
00:14:38,145 --> 00:14:40,547
(gasping)
Tell me I'm a good mom!
352
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:41,881
Oh, you're a good mom!
353
00:14:41,949 --> 00:14:43,917
I'm a dirty mom!
354
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:46,119
Oh, you're so dirty!
355
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,054
(toilet flushes)
356
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,388
Uh, whoopsie!
357
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:49,889
Automatic flusher.
358
00:14:49,957 --> 00:14:51,959
(gasping):
Do, do that again!
359
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:54,361
Okay.
360
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:55,395
(toilet flushes)
361
00:14:55,462 --> 00:14:56,997
Not the toilet!
362
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,331
Sorry! Sorry!
363
00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:01,168
* Men.
364
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,304
(plays short arpeggio)
365
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:13,780
Hey!
366
00:15:13,846 --> 00:15:16,616
Hey-hey-hey-hey-
hey-hey!
367
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:18,051
Aren't you grounded?
368
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:21,221
Um, I think that's just
when my dad's here.
369
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,490
Get in the house...
370
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:25,625
all of you.
371
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,460
I thought you were cool.
372
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,929
No, you didn't.
373
00:15:31,965 --> 00:15:32,499
How old are you?
374
00:15:32,565 --> 00:15:33,200
Sixteen.
375
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,201
What about you?
Same.
376
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:35,635
That's what I thought.
377
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,437
We were just goin' down
to the beach.
378
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:38,738
Nobody asked you.
379
00:15:38,805 --> 00:15:41,608
I want you
to listen to this
380
00:15:41,674 --> 00:15:45,478
and tell me if it makes you
wanna watch the TV show.
381
00:15:48,215 --> 00:15:50,650
(plays rollicking melody)
382
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:53,987
* Larry was just a single dad
383
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:57,991
* Till a toxic spill
in the science lab *
384
00:15:58,058 --> 00:16:01,861
* Gave him super strength
and X-ray eyes *
385
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:05,332
* He cooks, he cleans,
and now he flies *
386
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:08,701
* Superdad!
387
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,237
* He's a super-bad,
fightin' mad *
388
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:13,773
* College grad,
wearin' plaid Superdad! *
389
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,842
(plays glissando flourish)
390
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:18,411
BOTH:
Oh, my God,
that's great!
391
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,647
Absolutely fantastic.
Yeah, I would
so watch that.
392
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,348
You wrote that?
393
00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:22,515
You think?
394
00:16:22,582 --> 00:16:23,950
BOTH:
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
395
00:16:24,017 --> 00:16:26,686
Oh, yeah, really makes you
wanna see the show.
396
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:29,489
Thanks. Thank you.
397
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:32,725
All right, well, I guess
you guys all wanna get going.
398
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:36,729
Yeah.
Yeah, let's go.
Yeah.
399
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:37,364
Psst, Jake.
400
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,731
Yeah?
401
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:41,000
If you've got a choice,
take the tall one.
402
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:41,701
Why?
403
00:16:41,768 --> 00:16:42,735
Trust me.
404
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,271
It's my superpower.
405
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,805
Thanks.
406
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,808
(plays chord)
407
00:16:48,875 --> 00:16:50,477
Super uncle!
408
00:16:50,543 --> 00:16:51,978
* Men.
409
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,782
* Men.
410
00:16:55,848 --> 00:16:58,218
(audience cheering over TV)
411
00:16:58,285 --> 00:17:00,087
I'm back.
412
00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:03,022
Oh, good.
I was starting to worry.
413
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:04,824
How'd it go with Jake?
414
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,395
Hardly knew he was here.
415
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:11,030
Can you keep a secret?
416
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:16,236
The real question is
"Can I remember a secret?"
417
00:17:16,303 --> 00:17:17,737
You were right.
418
00:17:17,804 --> 00:17:19,406
That's no secret.
419
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:21,474
I-I mean about Lyndsey.
420
00:17:21,541 --> 00:17:22,809
Who's Lyndsey?
421
00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,411
Eldridge's mom.
422
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:27,214
Who's Eldridge?
423
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,381
Jake's friend.
424
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:29,682
The drummer?
425
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:32,285
Anyway, we did wind up
having sex.
426
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,821
You and me?
427
00:17:34,887 --> 00:17:37,724
You really need
to get into a program.
428
00:17:39,526 --> 00:17:41,561
It's not funny anymore.
429
00:17:41,628 --> 00:17:43,930
Humor is very subjective.
430
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,365
Come on. Be serious.
431
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:46,833
I'm just telling you
about Lyndsey
432
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,369
because I may need you
to cover for me with Jake.
433
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:51,304
Don't worry.
I got your back.
434
00:17:51,371 --> 00:17:52,172
Thanks, Charlie.
435
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,206
Good night.
436
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:55,041
Good night.
437
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:00,813
Is he gone?
438
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,150
Who?
439
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,884
Dad.
440
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:06,886
Oh. Yeah.
441
00:18:06,953 --> 00:18:08,321
Thanks.
442
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:10,290
Don't worry. I got your back.
443
00:18:10,357 --> 00:18:11,724
Good night.
444
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:14,627
Good night.
445
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,633
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