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1
00:00:00,868 --> 00:00:03,003
* Men.
2
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:11,379
CHELSEA:
First box goes in my car,
the other in the truck.
3
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,516
Guess that's it.
4
00:00:15,583 --> 00:00:17,085
You got everything?
5
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,352
I think so.
6
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:19,987
I, uh, left the house keys
7
00:00:20,054 --> 00:00:22,256
and the garage clicker
by the nightstand.
8
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,058
Thanks.
9
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:27,128
So you still planning
to move in with your dad?
10
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:28,362
Just for a while.
11
00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,530
You gonna be okay?
12
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,465
Me? Oh, yeah, yeah.
13
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:33,667
I mean, I am gonna
miss the cat.
14
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,236
You hate Sir Lancelot.
15
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,805
I did at first, but over
time I came to find...
16
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:38,806
Yeah, you're right.
17
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,142
I hate that thing.
18
00:00:41,209 --> 00:00:43,277
I put in a change of address
at the post office,
19
00:00:43,344 --> 00:00:45,279
but here's my dad's address
just in case.
20
00:00:45,346 --> 00:00:47,848
I might be open
to a trade.
21
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:49,650
I'll keep the cat,
you take Alan.
22
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,453
Still got his carrier.
23
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,222
Take care of yourself, Charlie.
24
00:00:54,288 --> 00:00:55,756
You do the same.
25
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:01,762
I'm sorry it didn't work out.
26
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:04,232
Me, too.
27
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,835
(door closes)
28
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:16,510
Well, she's gone.
29
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,212
You handled that very maturely.
30
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,481
What are you
gonna do?
31
00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:21,515
We tried.
32
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,583
Didn't work.
33
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:23,651
Life goes on.
Mmm.
34
00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,153
You want a drink?
35
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,588
Nah. Drinking isn't
gonna solve anything.
36
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:31,625
What-what are you doing?
37
00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:32,860
Nothing.
38
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:33,861
Really?
39
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,430
Doesn't look like nothing.
40
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,631
Where you going?
41
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,033
Out for a swim.
42
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:42,370
You never go in the water.
43
00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,338
That's 'cause
I'm not a good swimmer.
44
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,608
You don't think he's gonna...
45
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,009
I don't know.
46
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:53,113
Charlie? Charlie,
stop this!
47
00:01:53,181 --> 00:01:54,047
Charlie, come back!
48
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:55,349
It's not that bad!
49
00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:57,985
Come on, Charlie, you
still got your family!
50
00:01:58,051 --> 00:02:01,522
Very smart;
now he's sprinting.
51
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:05,092
Damn it, Charlie,
get out of that water!
52
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,460
We need to go
after him.
53
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:07,495
Well, don't look at me.
54
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:09,797
I just ate; I got to wait
a half an hour.
55
00:02:09,863 --> 00:02:11,332
Well, I just took a shower
and washed my hair.
56
00:02:11,399 --> 00:02:13,167
And this is leave-in
conditioner.
57
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,203
Well, what about Jake?
Jake's at
his mother's.
58
00:02:15,269 --> 00:02:17,705
Maybe we should
give him a call.
There's no time!
59
00:02:17,771 --> 00:02:21,242
Water's really cold.
60
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:23,777
Just so you know,
61
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:26,146
we were about
to come get you!
62
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,916
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
63
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:32,520
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
64
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:35,456
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
65
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,558
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh... *
66
00:02:37,625 --> 00:02:39,993
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
67
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:52,406
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men... *
68
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:54,174
* Men.
69
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,175
(knocking)
70
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,411
ALAN:
Charlie?
71
00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,880
You awake?
72
00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:02,716
Come on, man.
73
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:04,818
It's time to get up.
74
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:12,426
Charlie?
75
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,594
What?
76
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:16,430
(shrieks)
77
00:03:19,300 --> 00:03:22,135
I-I didn't see you there.
78
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,539
She was the best thing
that ever happened to me, Alan.
79
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:26,840
I understand.
80
00:03:26,907 --> 00:03:29,410
But you've been up here
for two days.
81
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:31,645
It's time to move
on with your life.
82
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,614
There's no life to move on with.
83
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:35,349
Oh, sure there is.
84
00:03:35,416 --> 00:03:39,587
You've got money, a beautiful
home, good looks, all your hair.
85
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,721
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
86
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:43,090
I have all the things you don't.
87
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:46,694
That wasn't really the point
I was trying to make, but, uh...
88
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:51,265
Come on.
Come on.
89
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:52,533
Where are we going?
90
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,435
We are going to
get you cleaned up.
91
00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:55,503
No.
92
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:57,505
No, I can't
go in there.
93
00:03:57,571 --> 00:03:59,039
Reminds me too
much of Chelsea.
94
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:00,774
The bathroom?
95
00:04:00,841 --> 00:04:04,712
That's where she used to brush
her hair and floss her teeth
96
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:07,180
and tinkle like
a princess.
97
00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:08,716
Okay.
98
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,184
Well, where have you
been tinkling?
99
00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:15,188
I may need
a new ficus.
100
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:19,693
* Men.
101
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,296
I'm glad you came with me.
102
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,231
You needed to get
out of the house.
103
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:27,635
No, what I need
is to be loved again.
104
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,370
Uh, well,
I think a good first step
105
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:33,040
is to stop urinating
in the potted plants.
106
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:36,444
Jake, your dad's here!
107
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:41,114
Charlie, I was so sorry
to hear about you and Chelsea.
108
00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:42,416
Thank you.
109
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,485
I know that
breakups can be
110
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,086
very difficult.
111
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:48,756
Unless you're kicking out
your husband of 12 years.
112
00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,123
That seemed remarkably easy.
113
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,259
It was.
114
00:04:53,661 --> 00:04:57,164
You know the part
that I don't understand, Judith,
115
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,867
is how somebody can tell you
that they love you one day,
116
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:03,404
then turn around
and break your heart the next.
117
00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,706
Well, relationships
are complicated.
118
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,508
People drift apart.
119
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:08,842
Nobody's to blame.
120
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,411
You blamed me.
121
00:05:10,478 --> 00:05:12,112
It was your fault.
122
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,182
I tried to change,
123
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,651
tried to become the man
she wanted me to be,
124
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,787
but it wasn't enough.
125
00:05:19,853 --> 00:05:21,822
Oh, I'm sure
there's a part of her
126
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,924
that still loves you very much.
127
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:26,494
Is there a part of you
that still loves me very much?
128
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:27,961
No.
129
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,465
What's wrong with him?
130
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:34,435
Your uncle's very upset
about his breakup.
131
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:36,003
Oh, yeah, that sucks.
132
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:38,005
Can I drive?
133
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,740
Sure.
Cool.
134
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,942
Let's go, crybaby.
135
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,046
* Men.
136
00:05:46,113 --> 00:05:48,248
(Jake and girl talking quietly)
137
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:51,652
(chuckles)
138
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:53,020
Hey.
139
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:55,389
Yeah, hey, kind of busy here.
140
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,858
I can see that.
141
00:05:57,925 --> 00:05:59,159
Hi, I'm Jake's Uncle Charlie.
142
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,227
Nicole.
143
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:01,429
So what's the deal, Nicole?
144
00:06:01,495 --> 00:06:03,797
Are you tutoring
our little genius here?
145
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,599
No, we're dating.
146
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,234
Oh. Dating?
147
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:08,135
Uncle Charlie?
148
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:10,704
Hang on.
149
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,339
Listen, Nicole,
I love this kid,
150
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,341
and I don't want
to see him get hurt.
151
00:06:14,408 --> 00:06:16,009
I'm not gonna
hurt him.
152
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,579
Oh, really? So you like him
just the way he is?
153
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:20,414
You don't want
to change him at all?
154
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,549
Uncle Charlie...
155
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:23,784
I got your back here, buddy.
156
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:26,554
'Cause let me
tell you something.
157
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,121
This here is a lump of clay.
158
00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:32,826
And you know what it's gonna be
five, ten, 20 years from now?
159
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,696
A larger, more bitter
lump of clay.
160
00:06:35,763 --> 00:06:36,564
Come on, let's go.
161
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:37,330
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
162
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:38,766
I'm not done.
163
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,734
So if you're gonna
dump him, dump him now.
164
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,235
Don't wait till he
falls in love with you
165
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,337
and asks you to marry him
and have his children!
166
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,009
Okay, enjoy yourselves!
167
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,682
Are you out of your mind?
168
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,617
I mean well.
169
00:06:56,684 --> 00:07:00,120
You think maybe it's time
to go back to your shrink?
170
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,890
Why? She's just another woman
that wants to change me.
171
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,458
Well, you have
to do something.
172
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:05,759
No, no.
173
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:07,861
If I can't have Chelsea,
174
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:08,962
I don't want to live.
175
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,197
W-Where you going?
176
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:11,364
Strip club.
177
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,002
Ah, yes.
178
00:07:15,068 --> 00:07:17,004
Death by lap dance.
179
00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,908
* Men.
180
00:07:44,998 --> 00:07:46,934
Hey, Lord.
181
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:48,769
It's Charlie.
182
00:07:48,836 --> 00:07:52,973
I know it seems like I only call
on you when my ass is on fire,
183
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,075
but, well, let's face it,
184
00:07:55,142 --> 00:07:57,545
that's how you made me.
185
00:07:57,611 --> 00:08:02,115
Anyway, I'm just hurting
real bad since Chelsea left,
186
00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:04,585
and I was kind of hoping
that maybe you could
187
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,486
take away some of that pain.
188
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,689
Even with the help
of your blessed wine,
189
00:08:08,756 --> 00:08:10,457
I can't get through the day.
190
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,528
Even your blessed vodka's
stopped working.
191
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:19,533
So, anything you can do
would be much appreciated.
192
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,801
WOMAN:
Hey.
193
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:23,036
You got a light?
194
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,905
I like a little
buzz before I pray.
195
00:08:24,972 --> 00:08:26,607
Gets me closer to God.
196
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:29,109
(whispers):
Thanks.
197
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:31,144
* Men.
198
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,583
* Men.
199
00:08:35,649 --> 00:08:37,985
Come on, Charlie,
answer the phone.
200
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:38,986
Ugh, damn it.
201
00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,120
Voice mail.
202
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,154
Uh, Charlie, it's me again.
203
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,623
It has been three days.
204
00:08:42,690 --> 00:08:46,326
Please call
and let us know you're okay.
205
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:47,828
I think we should
call the police.
206
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:48,829
Nah, he'll turn up.
207
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:50,998
May be broke
and riddled with gonorrhea,
208
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,499
but he'll find
his way home.
209
00:08:52,566 --> 00:08:56,103
No, I-I don't think
this is a typical bender.
210
00:08:56,169 --> 00:08:57,537
He really cared for Chelsea.
211
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,673
You know, he put
her in his will.
212
00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,009
Anything happens to him,
she gets everything.
213
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,644
Really?
214
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:06,980
So, like if he swam out in the
ocean and drowned, for instance,
215
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,081
she gets the house?
216
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,850
The house, the Mercedes,
217
00:09:09,917 --> 00:09:11,719
the bank accounts,
music royalties.
218
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:13,821
Man, I just can't catch a break.
219
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,026
Hey, look what
someone threw away.
220
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,228
Uh, put that back outside.
221
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,696
And wash your hands.
222
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:26,967
Welcome to your
new home, baby.
223
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,771
Hey, everybody.
224
00:09:30,838 --> 00:09:32,906
I want you to meet
the love of my life,
225
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,441
Mrs. Charlie Harper.
226
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:37,577
Better put me down.
227
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,747
I'm not wearing panties.
228
00:09:39,813 --> 00:09:43,416
I told you he'd come home
with gonorrhea.
229
00:09:43,483 --> 00:09:46,286
All right, who's who?
230
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:47,988
Well, this is my brother Alan.
231
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:48,989
Alan, Betsy.
232
00:09:49,056 --> 00:09:50,958
Hello, brother.
233
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,760
C-Call me Alan.
234
00:09:52,826 --> 00:09:53,894
Okay.
235
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:57,164
He doesn't look like
such a mooch.
236
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,899
Okay, well,
this is my mom Evelyn,
237
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,868
and she doesn't
look like such an Antichrist.
238
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:03,503
Hi, Mom.
239
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:04,504
(both chuckle)
240
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,907
Call me Mrs. Harper.
241
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,509
This is my housekeeper Berta.
242
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,944
Don't call me at all.
243
00:10:11,011 --> 00:10:14,181
And lastly, this is Jake.
244
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:14,982
(gasps)
245
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,217
Oh, are you my son?!
246
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:21,021
I'll be whatever
you want me to be.
247
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,124
Um, actually,
he's my son.
248
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:26,193
Butt out, Dad.
249
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:29,362
Well, you've met
everybody.
250
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,298
Why don't we go upstairs
and continue the honeymoon.
251
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:33,701
(gasps)
We have an upstairs?
252
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:34,835
CHARLIE:
Yep.
253
00:10:34,902 --> 00:10:37,037
Are there people
up here, too?
254
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,510
I like her.
255
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:47,915
* Men.
256
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,582
Hey, Dad.
Mm-hmm?
257
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,953
Do I call Uncle Charlie's
new wife Betsy or Aunt Betsy?
258
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:54,788
I guess either one's okay.
259
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,523
I'm gonna go
with Aunt Betsy.
260
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,158
Fine.
261
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:01,394
Aunt Betsy made a lot of noise
last night.
262
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,496
Uh, yeah, yeah, she did.
263
00:11:03,563 --> 00:11:05,632
Don't get me wrong,
I'm not complaining.
264
00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,369
Good morning, family.
265
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:10,137
Morning.
Morning.
266
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,304
How we doing today?
267
00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,873
Good.
Good.
268
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:14,141
Will Aunt Betsy be joining us
269
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:16,844
or is she taking
a hot, soapy shower?
270
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,179
She'll be right down.
271
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,283
So, based on this
latest turn of events,
272
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:26,386
would it be fair to say
you're over Chelsea?
273
00:11:26,453 --> 00:11:28,956
Oh, absolutely.
274
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,258
Betsy and I are soul mates.
275
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,026
Soul mates. Uh-huh.
276
00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,095
So, where'd you meet
your soul mate?
277
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:36,263
Guess.
278
00:11:36,329 --> 00:11:37,530
Strip club?
279
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,466
Wrong.
280
00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,368
Massage parlor?
281
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:43,303
Wrong.
282
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:46,006
Okay, I give up.
283
00:11:46,073 --> 00:11:48,708
Betsy and I met in church.
284
00:11:48,776 --> 00:11:50,143
So what, she's a nun?
285
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:53,413
No, she's a stripper
and part-time masseuse.
286
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:57,250
See, I drove to the strip club,
but the parking lot was full
287
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,386
so I circled the block
looking for a spot
288
00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,890
and found one right in front
of this little church.
289
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:04,691
And for some reason--
I don't know why--
290
00:12:04,758 --> 00:12:06,059
I got out of my car,
291
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:07,895
walked into the church
and started praying.
292
00:12:07,961 --> 00:12:09,930
Are you saying
God sent you Betsy?
293
00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:11,899
I think he did.
Oh, Dad,
294
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,600
we gotta get our asses
to church.
295
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,570
Then when I'm done,
I get up to leave
296
00:12:17,637 --> 00:12:19,172
and she appears in front of me
297
00:12:19,239 --> 00:12:22,075
like some kind of
vanilla-scented angel.
298
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,977
Mmm, vanilla.
299
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,678
So, we got to talking.
300
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:27,948
Turns out she's going through
a difficult time as well.
301
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:29,549
Next thing I know,
302
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:31,184
we're cleaning out
her locker at the strip club
303
00:12:31,251 --> 00:12:32,519
and driving to Vegas.
304
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,287
Where you got married.
305
00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:36,389
I understand your skepticism,
306
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,859
but I'm telling you
this girl is special.
307
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:41,461
She's really sweet
and spiritual.
308
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:42,429
BETSY:
Charlie?
309
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,231
In here, baby.
310
00:12:44,297 --> 00:12:45,999
Good news, bad news.
311
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,968
I got my period.
312
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:49,069
Oh, that's okay.
313
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:49,903
We can take a break.
314
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,304
We don't have to.
315
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:53,974
There's more than one way
to skin a cat.
316
00:12:54,041 --> 00:12:57,644
Oh, you are so wonderful.
317
00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:58,846
What are the other ways?
318
00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:00,713
Shh! Uh...
319
00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,515
Charlie, uh, can I talk to
you in private for a minute?
320
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:03,483
Sure.
321
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,518
Bets, coffee's right there.
322
00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,420
You just make yourself at home.
323
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:08,588
Okay.
324
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:09,522
Morning, son.
325
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:11,424
Morning, Mom.
326
00:13:11,491 --> 00:13:14,127
So, I was gonna do a little
topless sunbathing later.
327
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:17,197
You're welcome to join me.
328
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:20,367
Okay, not to put too
fine a point on it,
329
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:21,902
but you're out of your mind.
330
00:13:22,970 --> 00:13:24,271
You need to call a lawyer
331
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,039
and get this marriage annulled
immediately.
332
00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:27,975
I knew you wouldn't understand.
333
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,943
Oh, I understand, I understand.
334
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:31,578
You're still reeling
from losing Chelsea
335
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,846
and you're trying
to fill the void
336
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,547
with a menstruating pole dancer.
337
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:37,450
Hey, hey, hey, that's
my wife you're talking about.
338
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,252
Oh, damn it, Charlie, you
don't know anything about her.
339
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,990
I know I love her and she
loves me for exactly who I am.
340
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,324
She doesn't want to change me.
341
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,793
Oh, stop it.
342
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,830
Okay, you get one of those.
343
00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:53,766
Next time, that hand
comes back a bloody stump.
344
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,103
Charlie, please,
I'm begging you.
345
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,338
No, I'm doing the right thing.
346
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,975
You're lucky
you're not a girl.
347
00:14:02,042 --> 00:14:05,212
Having a hoochie
is like owning a vintage car.
348
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:07,014
A lot of maintenance
and once a month
349
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,649
you gotta put down
an oil pan.
350
00:14:12,619 --> 00:14:14,854
Okay, I may have
made a mistake.
351
00:14:17,290 --> 00:14:20,027
* Men.
352
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,564
Chelsea?
353
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:26,533
Hey, Charlie.
354
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,700
What are you doing here?
355
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,336
I need to see
your daughter.
356
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,670
I'm sorry, she's not here.
357
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:34,541
Hi, Charlie,
what's going on?
Ed.
358
00:14:34,607 --> 00:14:35,442
You know when
she'll be back?
359
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,543
I'm not sure.
360
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,745
She just took
Skipper for a walk.
361
00:14:38,811 --> 00:14:40,113
You're welcome
to come in and wait.
362
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,015
Thank you.
363
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,318
What are you doing?
364
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,220
I'm just trying to be polite.
365
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:50,290
Did you ever consider that maybe
she doesn't want to see him?
366
00:14:50,357 --> 00:14:52,892
Watch your tone, mister.
367
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,295
Sit, please.
368
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,832
Sorry the place is a mess,
we're still decorating.
369
00:14:59,899 --> 00:15:02,469
I'm decorating, he's critiquing.
370
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:05,238
What, I can have opinions.
371
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:09,242
He wants me to just shut up
and be pretty.
372
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:11,478
So, listen,
373
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:14,247
I'm sorry things didn't
pan out with you and Chels.
374
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,748
Me, too.
375
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,985
Relationships can be
a lot of work.
376
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,720
Even if you've known
someone for 40 years.
377
00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:21,955
That's right.
378
00:15:22,022 --> 00:15:24,857
People get set
in their pigheaded ways.
379
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,961
You want to get something
off your chest, hmm,
380
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:29,562
I'm right here.
381
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,899
You really want to open
this kettle of fish now?
382
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:35,135
Oh, yeah, let's open it up,
open it up.
383
00:15:35,202 --> 00:15:36,970
Okay.
384
00:15:37,037 --> 00:15:40,107
I'm just saying that two grown
men should be able to pick out
385
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,643
a club chair without it
turning into Iwo freakin' Jima!
386
00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:46,246
Well, I'm not the one
that thinks that everything
387
00:15:46,313 --> 00:15:49,749
he sits his ass on
has to be made out of leather.
388
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,052
Lucky for you!
389
00:15:53,253 --> 00:15:55,255
CHELSEA:
Come on, Skipper.
390
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,559
Charlie?
I'm sorry to drop in like this.
391
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,228
I just really needed to see you.
392
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:03,363
Okay, what's going on?
393
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,931
Uh, well...
394
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,333
Uh, why don't we go
in the other room
395
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,768
and leave these
two alone?
Fine, fine.
396
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:11,704
There's no law that says we
can't order the area rug later
397
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:13,540
and get two club chairs.
398
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:14,707
You see, right there.
399
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,843
That's why I love you.
400
00:16:18,878 --> 00:16:20,447
What are you doing here?
401
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:23,016
Okay, well,
402
00:16:23,083 --> 00:16:25,518
I don't know
how to say this
403
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,987
except just to say it.
404
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:31,058
I still love you very much,
and I miss you like crazy.
405
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,425
I miss you too, Charlie.
406
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:33,760
Then what are we doing?
407
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,228
Taking some time to figure out
408
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:36,629
if we're meant to be together.
409
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,731
And how the hell
are we supposed to do that?
410
00:16:38,798 --> 00:16:40,067
I don't know.
411
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,001
I guess we should start
dating other people.
412
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,304
What?!
413
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:49,909
I'm not ready
to see other people.
414
00:16:49,976 --> 00:16:52,812
I don't know that I am either,
but I think we have to try.
415
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,783
Chelsea, I can't even
think about dating right now.
416
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:58,418
Can I tell you something
417
00:16:58,485 --> 00:17:00,120
I've learned about myself
since we split up?
418
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:02,955
Sure, but first, marry me.
No.
419
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:04,324
Okay, just checking.
420
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:06,893
Probably some legal
complications, anyway.
421
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:08,528
What?
Nothing, nothing.
422
00:17:08,595 --> 00:17:09,662
Go ahead.
423
00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,863
I've learned that
424
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:12,332
I shouldn't have
tried to change you.
425
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,301
What you need is someone
who loves you for you.
426
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:17,470
No, no, no, no, no, no.
I need to be changed.
427
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,407
There's something
seriously wrong with me.
428
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,343
Please, Chelsea, take me back
and turn me into someone else.
429
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:26,979
That wasn't a very good
argument, was it?
430
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,014
Nope.
431
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:32,452
Well, that's the best I got.
432
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:38,225
Okay, I guess
I should get going.
433
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,760
I'm really sorry.
434
00:17:40,827 --> 00:17:42,195
That's all right.
435
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:44,797
Say good-bye to your dad
and Ed for me.
436
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:46,566
I will.
437
00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,568
They're a really cute couple.
438
00:17:48,635 --> 00:17:50,237
I guess.
439
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:51,704
It's a little weird for me.
440
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:54,707
Well sure, you're probably
used to seeing your dad
441
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:58,145
with your mom and not
a big, handsome black guy.
442
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,547
He is handsome.
443
00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,020
Hey, Chels...
444
00:18:09,656 --> 00:18:13,393
I just want you to know
that if by chance you should
445
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,428
do something crazy and stupid
446
00:18:15,495 --> 00:18:19,166
like running off
and marrying some stranger,
447
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:23,035
I would forgive you and
take you back with open arms.
448
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,604
Good to know.
449
00:18:24,671 --> 00:18:27,874
Seriously, I wouldn't
hold it against you at all.
450
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,876
Thank you.
451
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:34,314
All right then.
452
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,682
Good-bye.
453
00:18:35,748 --> 00:18:37,184
Bye.
454
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:45,458
TOM (giggling):
Stop it, Ed!
455
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,228
Your beard tickles!
456
00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:52,098
Come on, Skipper,
time for another walk.
457
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,534
* Men.
458
00:18:56,403 --> 00:18:58,538
* Men.
459
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,211
Uh, Charlie,
we've got a little problem.
460
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,212
What's up?
461
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,314
This is Betsy's husband.
462
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,715
Hello.
463
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,550
Want to catch me up?
464
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:12,051
Really?
465
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,687
Calling him Betsy's husband
didn't do the trick?
466
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,122
I don't understand.
467
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:18,124
She never said anything
about being married.
468
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:19,792
She never does.
469
00:19:19,859 --> 00:19:21,027
This has happened before?
470
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,829
Oh, yes.
Any time I find her wedding ring
471
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:24,297
inside her empty diaphragm case,
472
00:19:24,364 --> 00:19:27,367
I know she's off
on one of her little adventures.
473
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,569
I don't believe this.
474
00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:30,770
Why do you put up with it?
475
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:32,138
Hey, look at me.
476
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:33,773
I'd rather share
a girl like Betsy
477
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:35,007
than have an
exclusive relationship
478
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,310
with a box of old
porn magazines.
479
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:38,811
I hear you.
480
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,547
That would be sad.
481
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,282
BETSY:
Hey, baby.
482
00:19:42,349 --> 00:19:44,050
Hey.
Hey.
483
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,153
Charlie,
I'm really sorry.
484
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,822
I was less than honest with you.
485
00:19:49,889 --> 00:19:54,394
Sure, let's call it
less than honest.
486
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,464
I did enjoy our honeymoon.
487
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,998
Me, too.
488
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,334
We stayed at Bellagio.
489
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,869
Nice!
490
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,439
We should go.
491
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,378
Bye.
Bye.
492
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:16,783
I'll make it up to you
in the car.
493
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:21,954
Oh, Betsy, I'm the luckiest guy
in the world.
494
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,958
How about that.
495
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:29,962
I guess I'm not married.
496
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:32,031
I guess not.
497
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:33,533
You know what that means.
498
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,403
Going back to church?
499
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,909
That means I just got
three days of unbelievable sex
500
00:20:42,975 --> 00:20:45,612
with no obligations
and no commitment.
501
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:49,015
Please don't make me
slap you again.
502
00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:51,718
Nah, go ahead.
503
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:53,286
I think I got one more coming.
504
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:54,754
That's all right.
505
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:57,089
I'm happy that things
worked out for you.
506
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,257
Again.
507
00:20:58,325 --> 00:20:59,426
Thanks.
508
00:20:59,492 --> 00:21:03,262
Oh, hey, did I tell you
I won 18 grand in Vegas?
509
00:21:04,297 --> 00:21:06,433
(loud smacking)
CHARLIE:
Ouch!
510
00:21:06,499 --> 00:21:08,468
* Men.
34413
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