Original subtitles

Beverly Hills is home to some of the most wealthy and powerful people in the

world. They drive the finest cars, shop at the best boutiques, and they live in

the most outrageous homes.

They also have access to the most exclusive and high -end erotic club

I created that club. It's called Sanctum.

Sanctum is a secretive society where we do a black -time masquerade, private

dinner parties.

and an erotic theater.

It's a place for my members to explore their wildest fantasies and learn about

their true sexual adult.

Welcome to my world.

Something about how I was raised has affected my relationships with women,

I'm very much into regular dates. It's definitely not all about sex for me. I'm

totally into, like, going to a movie, having a nice dinner, just getting to

someone. Cheers.

Finding someone I can really have a conversation with, it turns me on.

Hmm. Snow at first, okay.

Interesting ring.

I was about to just take a sip.

No, I like to do it that way. Yeah. To, like, smell?

Yeah. I'm going to follow your lead.

I smell a note of wood.

Like oak?

Mm -hmm.

Hmm.

Pommel?

Pommel. Yeah, pommel is exactly correct. Do you speak French?

Un petit peu. Mm -hmm.

But I don't speak much French.

Let's just stay in English. You forgot about it. Let's stay in English.

Tonight, I'm on a blind date with Violine.

There's different levels of chemistry that I feel when I meet someone. And you

don't know when it's going to happen or where it comes from.

But when it does happen, you feel it. So I'm trying to open myself up to that.

Are you from New York?

I was born in New York, but I grew up in Northern California, actually. So near

San Francisco.

It's beautiful out there. It is.

It is a great place to grow up.

Sex is like the wonderful icing on the cake.

But I like the whole cake, too.

What made your parents...

They separated when I was pretty young. They moved a mile apart from each other

in Northern California, even though they were divorced. So how or why that

happened, I've never asked them.

I'm going to find that out, and I'll get back to you.

Dinner with Violine was fun because she didn't know what I did, and it was nice.

It was refreshing.

to just have a conversation with someone that had nothing to do with sanctum.

You know a little bit about wine, it seems like. Mm -hmm. What do you do?

I'm a wine rep.

You're a wine rep? Mm -hmm. How long have you been doing that?

Like a year.

Okay. Do you know anything about me or no?

A little bit. Yeah, like what? I'm curious.

That you're a successful businessman.

Uh -huh.

Basically, I own a club, a private club. Oh.

And it's been sort of secretive for a while.

What kind of club? It's a bit unusual, but...

It's hard to express what I do because it requires quite an explanation.

So let's say that you're in a relationship, you're married, and you're

wealthy, but you want to learn how to tie up your wife and

pleasure her in new ways.

It's not a conventional position or job.

Well, that's totally different. And, you know, whatever it is, I don't know. But

people are very interested and intrigued by whatever this is conceptually and

whatever they imagine it to be in their heads. So people have a lot of questions

about it. Um, we do, uh, like an erotic theater that people come to watch.

Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. And they come to watch the theater, but definitely also

interact with each other. And I do it in New York and L .A. But it's not an

erotic show. It's something more. It's something different. Yeah. And then

everybody's free to just join as much as they want. Exactly.

Like, sex can happen.

That's pretty, yeah, exactly.

And so I try to be really open and authentic and just talk about it. I

there's something about being honest with someone and then they get the

Whereas when you lie to somebody, you're not really giving them much of a

choice. You're creating a bullshit story for them and then they live in a false

reality and then they find out the truth and they're hurt.

and you know and they don't like you anymore and i don't want that to happen

could you like could you date somebody who does what i do do you think

no no i mean i'm thinking you're

surrounded by like right no right by what you said with

all the yeah you know many many many

I don't face a lot of rejection with women, really, these days.

But that's what happens when you're honest.

Growing up, I learned to appreciate instant gratification.

It's how I've led my life ever since.

Hey, Crystal.

What are you doing?

Really?

There's no question that Zach is an escape from me.

I'll see you in a little bit.

Did you pour me some wine? I did. You're so sweet.

Well, cheers, babe.

Yeah, cheers. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad I'm here too. With me.

Yeah, exactly. You look so nice.

Thank you. You look nice, too.

Look, we all love pleasure.

You know, we're all kind of hedonists.

We don't always all act on it, but I think we all want to live that dream.

And we want, like, a big steak and mashed potatoes and lobster, you know,

lots of butter and a big tub of yummy ice cream and what you could call it

cocaine or you could call it, you know, beautiful naked women.

It satiates something within us.

It makes us feel good for a moment.

Is it okay to have those experiences? Yeah. Is it okay to eat a big steak and

mashed potatoes and butter and a nice glass of wine? Yeah.

It's okay.

Is it healthy all the time?

No.

But I have not learned yet to avoid the things that make me happy that I know

are destructive.

And I get lost indulging in all of it. There's like an ease and an emptiness to

it that I like because I don't have to feel anything.

I come from a very addictive family, and I'm walking this line, and I know it's

a dangerous one. I feel like some of the confusion I have could stem from the

lack of relationship with my mother, and I won't heal until I reconnect with

her.

So how long has it been since you've seen your mom?

It's been about four years.

Oh, wow.

I was feeling like there was a resentment inside me and something

me with my mom that needed to be resolved.

And I wanted to just, like, find a way to let go of that. And so I'm going to

meet up with my mom today.

Does she know about Sanctum?

I've not had a conversation with her. It was at the beginning of Sanctum.

I'd say four years. Maybe it's been five years.

Quite a while, she was someone that I was really, you know, enamored by. I

she was a very special woman. And she was the person I looked up to. She was,

like, the person I wanted to be. I mean, she was honest, she was spiritual, and

she was just this, like, smart, intelligent, healthy, amazing

person. But my mother has serious addiction issues.

Yeah, I'm going to be having lunch with her in a few hours. I'm a little... How

are you feeling?

It's got to be nerve -wracking. It is a little bit. I, um... My mother and my

father were both heavy -duty addicts.

So childhood up until I was about 13 was pretty scary and uncomfortable, a lot

of it.

But then sobriety was like this time of... It was a totally different

relationship I had with my mom.

But I need to see myself in her and to really see the person that I don't want

to become.

Because I can see there's parts of her in me.

I can feel the addiction stuff is in me.

Well, you can change.

I hope so. It's tough. I mean, it's a really different upbringing than mine.

I have no connecting points with that. Like, my parents, they were pretty

present, maybe too much, but, you know, to my liking.

But it's different, so it's hard to... It's like talking to an orphan, you

and trying to understand what it was like. I'll never know. But I think it

him best to talk than not.

Keep down, you do want a relationship with her, and move on from the past,

and... I've always wanted a... As shitty as... It sounds like she was or you had

a relation with her. I want a relation. I wish I had a mom.

But I don't know if there's going to be anything good that can come out of it.

But I feel like I need to do it. He's not looking for any answer from me. He

knows there's options. He just needs to hear it.

But it's not my place to say, this is what you should do and this is what you

shouldn't do.

I'm not afraid of much.

But I'm definitely afraid of meeting with my mom today.

Yeah. What's your mom's name?

Melissa.

My mom and my wife are Melissa Lawner. That's weird. Yeah, about as weird as it

can get. You know, honestly, this is one of my first tattoos, and when I got it,

I was like, you know, if this doesn't work out, it's my mom's name.

Thank you for giving a shit.

I'm now hiking jeans for the last time. I'll lend you my socks next time.

This is my life, actually. I do, like, different kinds of events. I do fashion

and photo shoots, like editorial photo shoots.

Yeah, that's what I love to do.

This one.

It's more like... I love it. Do you know what it is? No, I don't. It looks like

a flower.

It's a pussy.

I love sanctum, and I love creating everything I do for it. It's a very

different direction.

It's dark, and then it's got, like, some pinkish colors and yellows, blues.

It's for baby. For baby?

It's a small size, so it's like, you know.

No, it's fine.

Take off your pants.

I have this little thing on. What little thing? What does it do? It just lifts

your butt?

Yeah, it lifts your butt. Your butt is great.

Oh, my God.

That's so funny.

Every guy found this sexy.

Really? Louis, you think that's sexy?

The pants. Do you prefer this than the tiny one? Tiny one. Tiny one for me

do anything. I mean, any underwear.

Yeah, but it's just like, it's like a different... Actually, you know what? I

feel like I should design something like that.

Since I was little, I was always doing, like, my own, like, designs. Like, I was

cutting and, like, even gluing things together and, like, make my own, like,

skirts and my outfits and everything.

And, you know, I learned everything by myself.

It's just pure experience. And then, like, the only thing, like, my mom teach

how to sew.

So that's the thing I learned from my mom.

Why don't you save?

You didn't save.

You always have to be prepared, you know? I'm not kind of prepared. It's not

like I have a bush or something.

I really want to do this shoot with Debbie where she's milking the cow.

I really see her in this outfit, like the German, like lederhosen, and then,

like, her boobs, and then, like, spritzing her milk or something.

just have this vision in my head, like super sexy, but it's also, like, weird,

disgusting, beautiful, and cute.

And even if she talks like spritzing, it's so sexy.

Okay. Like a farm girl.

See, perfect.

Not fake smiling, natural smile. Yes, natural.

Just fake.

Be natural, natural cute.

When I first time went to Ibiza, I think like I went there first time when I was

17. I saw the dancers there and the costumes and like the energy over there

just amazing.

It's like, this is what I want to do. So that's why I got like inspired.

Beautiful. A little smiley, please.

No, I don't want a smiley. Oh, you don't want a smiley? No, this is more like

I'm a wild.

Just to us, yeah.

Okay.

I feel like one boob is higher than the other one.

Who's mean?

You. He's just jealous.

You're... Yes.

Oh, boobie.

Cool, yeah, we got it. Thank you, Debbie.

This is hard. I don't know if I want to do it.

It's painful.

This will be the first time I've seen Damon in about eight years.

And it's very painful.

Hi.

How are you doing?

Hi. How's your birthday?

Hi. Hi.

Thanks for coming out.

Oh, you smell so good.

Oh, thank you.

My feelings. My mom are, a lot of them are very, um, um,

intense.

How are you?

I am doing well.

And also, you know, it's been, it's been a rollercoaster ride

for sure.

And, you know, I built this great thing and people love it and I'm making money.

But I lost Melissa.

Yeah.

Yeah. My relationship with Damon is no more, you know? And so, yeah,

it's very sad. I think of it every day.

I feel like I have, like, a choice in my life to either be, like, crazy and self

-destructive or not. And I just don't want to, I don't want to end up like...

Me.

Yes.

You know, that could be me so easy.

And so I struggle with that.

If I let that pain that exists from that childhood turn me into a drug addict,

alcoholic, and then I treat my children the way I was treated by my mom, I mean,

it's like the whole thing just continues. It's like a continuous cycle.

have the opportunity to end that, to break that cycle now.

I don't understand how that shit, how it all went down like it did.

And I don't know how you could have let that happen around us. Why did you do

that, or how did you let yourself do that?

I guess in those days, it didn't seem like a bad thing.

And what can I say?

You know, we were hippies.

You know, it just didn't seem bad. Not that it wasn't, you know.

My intention is not to belittle my mother or badger her about the past.

It's just that she understands what happened and then we can start the

process for both of us.

If I was getting fucked up around my kids and exposed to the things we

have seen and added certain experiences that I know is going to really fuck them

up. I would try to find a way to make an amends for that.

I don't feel like there is a moment when you let us

know that that wasn't right.

Well, I guess you don't remember all the therapy that we went to with Hadria and

with you.

The things that you decided to do was almost like you decided that all that

mattered was you.

And that we didn't matter.

Okay. First of all, that's bullshit.

Yeah. It's not bullshit, though. I want you to listen to me now. You come at me

with this stuff, and I've asked you to forgive me.

And that's one thing you haven't done yet. And so there's no moving on

with that.

Mom, what are you talking about?

No. Okay.

You don't see.

Are you fine the way things are right now? Okay, Dame. I love you so very

Dame. I really do. But I can't take this anymore. I can't take the same

conversation. And I don't appreciate it. Oh, I wish I hadn't come.

It's frustrating and it's painful to try to...

have a conversation with my mom and try to, like, let her back in. And I've sort

of, like, done it again and again and again and again, like, hope that it's

going to change and hope it's going to be different.

And then it's just the same thing every time.

And it's hard.

Did I update you?

Oh, no. What happened?

Oh, your dad found out. Yeah, well, I told my mom last spring about St. Tim

all that. But then since then, I've, like, had conversational topics with

and they, like, make, like, snide comments and, like, have outwardly now

like, we don't approve that you do this. Like, just know. But, like, we still

love you. And I'm like... Did you tell them it's, like, theatrical? Yeah, I've

told them it's more theatrical and stuff like that.

You know, it's just, like, the performance aspect of it.

and it's something I enjoy.

My parents mean so much to me, and I'm really close with both of them, but

ultimately, like, I have to live my life for me and what makes me happy.

I've not really talked about my sexual interests with my parents. Like, I had

to, like, somewhat Google things growing up, and that's how I learned.

Statistically, when you do that and shelter your kid, they're going to end

being a freak.

My parents are pretty open -minded. Like, when I left Germany, they're like,

just do your thing, you know. Like, my mom actually is always the one who was

like, don't wear this mini skirt and, like, don't be too naked and don't be

this. And my dad was always like, ah, you know, let her do, let her do, you

know. I mean, but both of them together, they're pretty much open and they just

let me do whatever I want. I think I do have, like, a dirty mind sometimes

because I see the perversion as art.

I can see someone pooping on stage, but it's pink.

It's going to go into, like, an ice cream cone.

You can make it different.

Not that I did it, the pooping one, but, you know, it's just an idea.

I'm not creepy, though.

You're not creepy. You're just a pervert, and we love you. Thank you.

When my mom walked out of the lunch meeting, that could have been my last

interaction with my mom probably for the rest of my life.

And so I talked to her and I said, let's meet up again.

I did not want it to end like that. That wasn't the story I wanted.

I felt like yesterday we didn't accomplish anything.

And I don't want to carry this around.

Okay, good.

You don't have to say anything. You said it yesterday. I'll say it.

I was a drug addict, sex addict, and it's really put you

in jeopardy in your life.

And I hope that you would forgive me because it's been with me every day.

of my life and i love you and um

i wish i could have done different but i didn't

i'd like to start from here i just want i just want a

mom yeah i would like that so glad thank you i just i just needed to know that

that that that you could acknowledge

Without excuses?

Yeah. Without defending myself?

Because with that, I can at least, like, let go.

When she was brave enough to say the truth, you know, what else could I do

someone says the words she said but forgive?

You know, I only needed those words, and I've been waiting for those words for,

you know, a long time.

Thank you.

Hugging you is the best thing in my life.

I am who I am because of my mom. And there's good stuff in there and there's

stuff in there.

She's like an amazing human being. She's just damaged.

And what I want to do for me is just accept and love and forgive her.

I wish we'd done this long years ago.

Yeah. This is just going to be like a chapter along the way, and I'm going to

turn the page.

But I'm still on this journey. I mean, I'm learning to kind of let go a little

bit and enjoy life and possibly indulge in some playtime.

I'm in a really good place at this moment.

I want to stay here.

Because I do have a beautiful life.

You enjoy yourself?

Yeah.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

Want to kiss her?

Want to lick her right here?