Original subtitles

This is where our tiger's tale begins,

in the magical foothills of California's gold coast.

It's here at Joe Camp's Safari World and Animal Rescue Park

that our hero, Billy Connolly, begins his adventure

and as a friendship begins that will last a lifetime.

Let's meet some of the friends here at the park.

Our story could be a about this cool guy, Digger,

but that might get a little too dangerous.

Here's my good friend Gray.

Mr. Tubbs.

He's really old, like nearly 100.

Rainbow. Isn't she beautiful?

But our tale isn't about her either.

And here's JoJo. Look at her eyes.

Amazing, right? But it's not about her.

Look, it's Mary. She just loves those carrots.

And this is Carla. Everyone here at the park

is very excited to see her and her new cub Sonny

and the always curious and playful Luna,

the real star of the picture,

who had just turned eight weeks old today.

Hello, everyone, I'm Joe Camp,

and luckily I can translate tiger.

Carla just roared, "Welcome to Safari World

and our animal preservation reserve."

Now, look around because there's a lot to see

and a lot to learn about our four-legged friends,

including Digger.

Have a great day. Enjoy.

Hey, Dad, look.

And this is Billy, the boy I mentioned earlier.

That's really cool, buddy.

What is that, a possum, a squirrel?

- A raccoon. - Raccoon?

These are Billy's mom and dad, Cheryl and Michael.

- Be careful. They have thumbs. - So cute.

Raccoons have thumbs. Be careful. They'll hitchhike.

Yeah, Dad, I'm sure it's gonna hitchhike.

We're gonna have to leave soon. Tony wants me at the office.

- What? - Yeah, the Spot On account.

Like I haven't done enough.

And I'm telling you I need this campaign.

Okay, wait a minute.

So, Carla, how are you feeling today?

The baby cubs are sleeping.

Oh! Mom, Dad, look. It's a llama.

- Ooh, llama. Those spit. - Look at that llama.

Be careful. They'll spit in your face.

Tony just can't make up his mind, right?

I've given him so many choices, yet he can't decide.

Go. Yes.

Do it. Go!

Son, he's a wild animal, okay?

So you have to be very careful.

Now, they're here for your enjoyment.

Please respect their space, okay?

Oh, look at the parrot.

Sounds like the Howards. They're just like Tony.

They can't make a decision.

Dad, look.

Look at that parrot. See if he can talk.

Yeah, talk to him. Go talk to him.

Hello!

Hey, Dad, it wants you to talk. Hello!

And look at us, right?

Hey, cool, buddy!

We have been working for years now.

Oh, cool! Can I get one of those?

- One of what? - Those what?

- The cat? - Oh, that's not a cat, honey.

That is a tiger.

I don't think a tiger is going to fit into our house, honey.

I don't think Buster would approve.

Can you imagine the litter box that thing would need?

I am not gonna clean that thing. How about you, Billy?

Can you imagine what Buster would think

if we brought home a tiger?

Doreen Portman?

And this is Billy's classmate Doreen.

Hot dog!

- What? - Can I get one?

A hot dog?

You want the hot dog or the girl?

What? No! Come on, Mom.

Sure, honey. Give me five bucks.

- You don't have five bucks? - Five bucks, come on.

All right. This is my last...

This is gonna ruin his appetite for later.

It's all right. Sure, honey, go. Have a hot dog.

Thank you.

Oh, he's got an appetite for something else. I get it.

Like father, like son.

Here's your soda, young lady.

Oh! Sorry.

Hey, Billy.

Hey.

Hey, Billy, I thought that was you. Hey, Doreen.

And this is Billy's best friend Koby Burrows.

Koby, what are you doing here?

I'm just checking out the animals. How about you?

Getting a hot dog.

Well, you can have the rest of mine.

I just ate two, and they tasted exactly alike, bite for bite.

Thanks. Uh, can I call you later?

I'm trying to work something out with Doreen, so will you leave?

Oh, I get it. You want to be alone.

So, Doreen, we're in the same class at school, right?

Oh, I'd say she's in an entirely different class.

Shouldn't you be running along now?

Usually when I run, I trip over something

and then I fall, and that's not fun.

So, Doreen, what are you doing here?

I just came to see the tigers.

I just love them. How about you?

Oh, yeah, I love them, too. The bigger, the better.

But the small baby cubs are so cute.

- I love the small ones, too. - I know.

They're like miniature tigers, but only smaller.

So you came with your parents?

Uh, no, I came alone.

Really? Isn't that your mom and dad over there?

- Hi. - You're right.

Yeah, that's them, all right.

I was alone earlier, you know.

Well, not alone. I was with you.

No, you were with me.

Before I was with you.

In between the time I left my parents and Koby appeared,

I was alone.

Glad we got that straightened out.

Look. Isn't she beautiful?

Can you imagine how cool it would be to...

What are you looking at?

I was referring to the tiger, stupid.

Billy! We're gonna pull the car around.

Yeah, we're gonna pull the car around.

All right.

Um...

Maybe she'll come over if we give her a piece of the dog

or maybe all of it.

- Koby, I don't think that's... - Whoa!

Do not put your hand in that cage.

You may not get it back, okay?

Tigers are very territorial.

What's in that cage belongs to them.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. Just be smart.

Now, Carla, for example, she's very protective right now

'cause she just gave birth a few weeks ago.

Cool! Where are her baby cubs?

They're probably napping.

They've just been fed, and they like to sleep after they eat.

It's good because Luna and Sonny are usually very active.

- Luna and Sonny? - Yeah. That's their names.

Are you sure they're in there? I can't see them.

Anyway, you kids have a good time today. Be safe.

And tell your parents we accept donations

'cause our growing family can use all the help we can get.

Have fun.

Koby, he knows what he's talking about.

- Hey, Doreen. - How's it hanging?

Did you really just ask me that?

Brett meant why are you hanging out with a bunch of losers?

I wasn't... until you two appeared, Tom.

Oh, psych! She got you good, Tom.

I think it's time that you two took a little trip.

No, I tripped before I got here. You saw that, right, Billy?

Stop it!

Leave them alone. They didn't do anything to you.

Billy was thinking of doing something.

I was just going to, uh, give you the rest of this hot dog.

No! That's mine.

Gee, thanks.

Stop it, Brett. Tell him to stop it, Tom.

You know, I'll eat this later.

Brett! Stop it.

Do you guys have a to-go bag?

- Stop it, Brett! - Billy!

- He does. - Perfect.

My homework was in there!

Yeah!

Yeah, you better run to mommy and daddy

and ask them for money to replace that hot dog, losers!

What a waste of such a good dog.

You okay, Billy?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Back up, Carla. I need to clean the cage

before Sonny and Luna wake up.

Good thing you tripped when you did

'cause I was just getting ready to mess them up.

Come on, Carla, back up. I'm almost done here.

Okay, fine. I'm done in here.

Try to keep it down. Don't wake up the cubs.

Yeah, thanks... for making things worse.

Oh, man, you bet. That's what friends are for.

You know I had your back on that, right?

You saw that, Doreen.

I will see you tomorrow. See you, Doreen.

- See you, Koby. - Bye.

Billy, come on! It's time to go!

I guess I should get back to my parents, too.

So see you in school on Monday, Billy?

Yeah, see ya.

Billy, you ready?

Can we just leave?

You have fun?

Hey, you forgot your backpack.

Hello, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Wow. You're much bigger close up.

Yeah, you're not so tough. You're a pussycat!

Okay, I got it!

Whew! What's in here, a brick?

I got your backpack.

Did everybody have fun?

So did you make a good impression, Billy?

Impressions? You're doing impressions now, pal?

Like what? Do one for me. I do a couple impressions.

That one always makes me laugh.

I wanna die.

That doesn't sound good.

What do you mean? Did you have a good time with your friends?

Everything all right back there?

- Yeah, I'm fine. - Do you hear that?

Where's that noise coming from?

I don't hear anything. What about you, Billy?

I told you to have the mechanic look at the engine.

All right, I will this week.

Aah! Tiger!

- Billy! - Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What is it, what is it? What just happened?

What is it? What?

There's a tiger in the back of the car, Dad!

- Oh, not that again. - What?

All day he's been talking about bringing home a tiger.

Bringing home a tiger?

Billy, we can't bring home a tiger, okay?

Trust me. It's against the law.

- What? - Yeah!

It's a federal offense to bring a tiger into a house.

Dad, there's a tiger back here eating Mom's car!

Billy!

Billy, sit the right way. Put your seatbelt on.

Turn around the right way and put your seatbelt back on.

Come on, buddy. I'm not gonna say it again.

Do it right now.

Billy, listen to your dad.

If you said a pig, I'd bring home a pig.

Yeah, I'd bring home a pig.

You know, pigs are very smart.

I'd love to have a pig.

Why? You think Buster would approve?

All right, we're home.

Unbelievable. I have four texts from the Johnsons.

Ohh! They want me to show them the house again tomorrow.

This deal is not gonna go through anytime soon.

Oh, that's great, really great.

What is this? When did they put this out?

They must have put it up when we were gone.

- Did you tell Billy yet? - No.

No, I didn't think it was gonna get to this point.

You know what, though?

This is not happening. I'm not gonna let this happen.

- We can't worry about this now. - You have my word.

Billy, come on!

Get in the house. We're making dinner.

Okay, Mom!

How'd you get in there?

My parents are gonna kill me if they see you.

Doreen was right, though. You are cute.

But who would ever believe that you're here?

Koby would. He'd believe me.

Knowing him, though, he'll probably want to keep you.

Ate the rest of the hot dog, I see.

Koby might be mad about that.

Along with my homework!

Oh, man!

No one's gonna believe a tiger ate my homework. Nobody.

Billy, come in and set the table!

Um, just a second!

What are you doing in there?

Okay, so how am I gonna get you inside, Luna?

Let's try this.

I know you don't like it,

but you gotta get in here one more time.

Come on, Luna. It'll only be for a minute or two.

Maybe a song.

- Now you're stretching it. - Right? We do a music video.

- No? - Music video?

It's gotta be catchy.

Billy, it is that you?

Yes!

Then come in here and help with the dinner, okay?

Just a second, Mom.

Billy, come set the table!

Hey, don't slam the door, buddy!

Okay, okay, okay.

Buster, where are you? Come take a look at what I have.

You won't believe it.

Why does he do that?

Come on, Luna.

Can you believe it? It's a tiger. Her name is Luna.

She's going to be staying with us for a few days.

Okay, what about a rock band? It's like...

Spot On! Believe in it!

Buster, stop barking.

- Hey, hey, hey! - Now you're getting closer.

Yeah, there it is!

Buster, shut up!

Be quiet! You promised you wouldn't tell Mom, okay?

Don't make me. I could go to jail for this.

It's a headbanging detergent.

Okay, Buster, you're a good boy.

Now, I only have one rule:

You cannot eat Luna.

Okay?

Okay? Luna, no eating Buster.

I know it sounds crazy, but...

I'm not sure it won't happen anyway.

So let's get along.

She's only staying until I have a chance to show Doreen.

She won't believe her eyes.

I can hardly wait to see the look on her face

once she sees Luna.

When she does,

she'll forget about what happened at Safari World.

And this time, it'll be Brett and Tom who'll look like a fool.

I can hardly wait.

All they ever do is make me look stupid in front of Doreen.

Buster, you need to keep quiet.

Mom and Dad cannot know about her being here.

You promised you wouldn't tell Mom.

Once everyone at school hears I have a tiger,

I'll be the most popular kid,

and no one will ever call me a dweeb again,

and Doreen will see that I'm cool.

Oh, Luna what...

Billy!

Hey, Billy!

Luna, what are you doing?

Are you trying to get me in trouble?

Buster, stop barking.

Luna, stop it.

Buster, stop barking.

Luna, let go of it.

If Mom and Dad see you, I'm dead.

Buster, stop.

Luna, you're gonna get me in trouble.

Buster, please stop barking.

Oh, man!

All right, what about something simpler, okay?

Just "Spot On. Believe in it."

Ehh.

Ehh?

Okay, how about with an English accent?

Spot On! Believe in it!

Believe in it to do what, darling?

I'm going to get in so much trouble if Mom and Dad see this.

Buster, stop!

It cleans! It's like a monster truck.

You know, vroom, vroom, vroom! Ah, I got nothing.

I know you'll come up with something. You always do.

Buster, no.

Luna! Buster, you're scaring her.

Luna, come here. Come on, Luna.

Whoa. What the...

Luna, come back!

Buster, move!

Luna!

Are you all right? What's going on in here?

What's going on? It looks like a war zone.

It looks like your side lost, Billy.

What happened?

Uh, Buster was just excited to see me.

- Buster, stop barking! - Wait. He did this?

Buster, come here!

Buster, come on. Bad Buster.

You better clean up this room and come join us for dinner.

Okay, Mom.

Sorry, Buster.

Luna, come on, come on.

Come on, come on.

Buster, stop barking!

Oh, so that's where you've been.

Buster!

Luna, what the heck are you doing?

You almost got me in trouble and... and put in jail.

Come on, Luna, get out from under there.

I hope Buster didn't scare you too badly.

Keeping you away from him

is going to be harder than I thought.

Ah, yum.

Hey, what's up?

Yeah, thanks for helping me there.

- I appreciate that. - Are you kidding me?

I had that situation under control.

Billy, dinner in five minutes!

Be right there!

Yeah, hey, look, I gotta go. Are you around tomorrow?

- Is that a crack on my weight? - No!

It's not a crack...

Look, just come over tomorrow. I need your help.

But you gotta keep it a secret, okay?

If there's one thing I can do, it's keep a secret.

All right, thanks. Bye.

Mom, I'm hanging out with Billy tomorrow.

You know, your family may have come from India.

Billy, dinner!

Okay, be right there! Just a minute.

It says that you're the biggest type of cat in the world.

You want to look, too?

Hey, where you going?

Look, I don't know. We just need to find the cat.

Yeah, well, just let me know.

There's no sign of Luna, sir.

- We've searched everywhere. - This is terrible.

She's just a cub.

I'm sure she's all right.

She ever get hurt or,

God forbid, if she were to hurt someone...

If the public thinks we're being

irresponsible with these animals,

they'll shut us down for sure.

We'll find her, sir. She could not have gotten too far.

We'll find her.

We will.

I hope you're right.

This could be the end of Safari World.

Okay, gotta make up my bed. Okay, hurry up, hurry up.

Okay, go in there, put it down, okay.

Come on, get in there, you stupid...

Buster, be quiet.

Can't let them see this.

Buster, what are you doing?

Buster, no, no. Get down. Get down now. No, get off.

Go away.

Okay, stay away from Luna.

Luna, where are you? There you are.

Come on, Luna. Come on, get on the bed.

Okay. This here.

Fluff up the pillows.

Ah, there! Done.

Ahh!

Not hungry, Billy?

I told you.

I told you he was gonna fill up eating those hotdogs.

I think his mind's on other things.

You're thinking about her.

Her who?

We saw the two of you over by the tiger cages.

The girl Koby and you were talking to.

Okay, it was Koby who gave her the piece of hot dog, not me!

No, I think she was hanging around because of you.

Look, even so, I mean, you know me.

I would never throw her in the back of the car

and take her home with me. I swear!

Throw her in the car and take her home with you? I hope not!

I mean, that's not the way girls want to be treated.

We're not cavemen.

- Girl? - Doreen!

We're talking about Doreen.

Yeah, Doreen and I are just friends.

Oh, just friends.

Okay, so you don't have her locked up in your room?

- If I go check right now... - No!

I mean, no need.

You know, right now I'm really tired.

If I could just...

Okay, you're excused.

Thanks, Mom!

What was that about?

Well, you obviously embarrassed him.

I embarrassed him? You started the conversation.

I did, didn't I?

Hey, Luna.

See?

Some milk. Come on.

Look, I'll show you how.

Come on.

Come on.

Our little boy's growing up.

Time for that talk, dear.

What talk are you suggesting?

You know, the talk. The talk.

- Oh, the talk. - I'm not doing it.

Let's do it.

Dad!

Hey, Billy, can I talk... Oh!

Whoa, whoa, Billy, what...

It's a lot easier to drink out of a glass, son.

Uh, just a little thirsty.

Uh...

Have a seat, Billy.

So, um...

So Mommy tells me that you're interested in girls now.

- Dad... - What?

What?

It's perfectly natural.

Um...

I just wanna know, you know,

do you know about the birds and the bees?

I... I know a lot about baby tigers.

Baby tigers?

Okay. We can... Let's use baby tigers.

So, all right, let's say, um...

a male tiger likes a female tiger.

Yeah.

It's the same as when a boy likes a girl,

except there's a lot more, you know, biting and scratching.

It hurts.

No, not necessarily, no. And you know what?

You don't have to worry about that for a long time.

I don't even want you thinking about it.

I just want you to be you. Right? Just be confident.

Be yourself. That is what girls want.

That's a great talk.

You know, I really, really enjoyed it.

I'm just really tired right now, you know?

So tired.

Billy, Billy... you wanna talk about the move?

No. No, you know,

I really think it's gonna work out.

You know, we'll figure it out,

and we'll be able to stay right where we are.

Yeah, me, too.

Thanks, bud.

Yeah, no problem.

All right. Mommy's coming up.

- She's gonna tuck you in. - All right.

- I love you. - Love you, too.

Sleep tight. Oh, and don't let the bedbugs bite.

They're real.

Luna, that was close.

I could be a lion tamer.

The tiger tamer.

Tiger trainer?

All right, never mind. Come on.

Let's get ready for bed.

Oh, tomorrow? Okay.

All right, thank you.

I'm worried about Billy.

Why? How was the talk?

The talk was awkward.

His mind... He's still fixated on these tigers.

Well, that's all out of loneliness, honey.

- We never spend time with him. - I know.

I know, and I'm trying my best,

although I have to go to the office tomorrow

to work on that campaign.

They're gonna show the house tomorrow at 2:00.

You wanted to play ball with him.

I know. What am I supposed to do?

If I don't get this promotion, we could lose everything.

I just feel like we're on this never-ending treadmill.

Always trying to make money, but never enjoying it.

In the meantime, we're missing our son grow up.

Come here.

He was drinking out of a dog bowl.

What?

He definitely gets that from your side of the family.

Oh, there's Buster.

Okay.

See, Luna?

Buster's not gonna hurt you, right?

See? See, Buster?

Everything is going to work out fine.

Doreen is gonna love this.

- Billy? - Mom!

Can I come in?

Yeah.

I'm...

I'm in bed.

So tell me, did you really have a good time today?

Oh, yeah.

Good.

Your dad's gotta work tomorrow, and so do I.

But I promise I'm gonna get home from work really early,

and I'm gonna make a big family dinner.

We'll play some games. That sound like fun?

Great.

You know, Billy,

your dad and I, we love you so much.

You know that, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Good.

All right, honey.

I love you, sweetie.

I love you, Mom.

Okay, sweetie. Good night.

Good night, you.

Buster.

Luna, you almost got me in trouble.

Aw, it's okay. Can't stay mad at you for long.

Buster, don't wake up Luna.

Good boy.

Luna's just a temporary houseguest.

Well, at least until I can figure out a way

to get her back to Safari World.

Hope I can do that.

Anyway, good night, Buster. Get some sleep.

Tomorrow I'll call Koby. Maybe he can help.

Good night, Luna. Good night, Buster.

Luna?

Not again! Luna!

There you are. I thought you got out.

Come on, Buster.

No, Luna. You need to stay in here.

Oh, good, you're up.

Breakfast is ready, your father already left,

and I have got to show the Giffords house to the Morgans

since the Roberts passed,

and the Howards can't decide what day of the week it is,

let alone what house to buy. Eat that.

- It's better for you. - No!

- No what? - I mean...

oh, no, I was really hoping the Howards would buy the place.

You know the Howards?

- I know Howard Johnson. - Different family.

I only wish Howard Johnson was buying a house from me.

- Stop it! - Stop what?

Stop worrying about the people who you aren't selling to

and start worrying about the people who you are selling to.

Believe in yourself.

You know what?

You are absolutely right.

All this negative energy is ruining business.

Just focus on the positive. Believe in myself.

You're a pretty smart kid, you know that?

I try.

Oh, you know what? I gotta go.

Don't forget to clean that bomb testing site you call a bedroom.

Oh, here, Mom, let me walk you to the door.

Hey, Mom, give me a hug. I love you so much.

Remember what we talked about.

Think positive and good things will happen.

Now, go sell that house to Howard Johnson.

Remember, believe in yourself and be confident.

Thank you, honey. Have a great day.

Don't forget to let Buster out. Love you.

Love you, too.

Okay, come on, Buster. Let's go.

Buster, you need to help me.

You need to leave Luna alone

until I can figure out a way to take her back.

Now, where did I leave my cell phone?

Luna, I was gonna eat that!

Luna, look at this mess!

That's it. I really got to get you back to Safari World.

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls!

Koby Burrows is about to go for a worldwide record!

Nobody knows where this young man came from,

but after today he will go down in history books!

This is definitely going on

America's Stupidest Home Videos.

Skid 'n Slide champion on the face of the earth!

Yeah, the special losers' edition.

And beyond!

The crowd holds their breath,

waiting for this death-defying stunt of superhuman ability.

Thank you all so much!

Don't trip, loser!

Shut up! I meant to do that.

Hey, Koby, come inside! It's time for lunch!

- Stupid Skid 'n Slide! - Who are you talking to?

Hey, Billy. Hang on a second.

Yep. Just a minute, baby.

Billy's on the phone. He says it's an emergency.

Thanks.

- What's up? - Come over right away, okay?

Bring any cat food you can, anything Tubs isn't eating.

Did you get a cat? What color is it?

I'll tell you later, okay? Meet me in the backyard.

All right, but you have to keep it a secret, though.

You're not gonna believe what I got.

- Okay. - All right, bye.

Koby's on his way over with some food. He'll help us.

Hey, Billy, what's going on?

So I got all the cat food you asked for.

Koby, watch out for the...

hose.

My mother buys in bulk.

Yeah, I noticed.

So, what kind of cat did you get?

Okay, look, before we get started,

you have to promise me that you will not tell anyone

about anything that happens here today.

You have to triple swear and hope you die.

That's really stupid, Billy. Who hopes to die?

- Just swear it. - Okay.

I swear that I'll tell everybody nothing.

Don't tell anyone anything.

I'll tell nobody everything.

Don't tell nobody nothing.

Right, so nothing about everything

I'll tell no one?

No, no, no, Koby. You do not tell anyone

about anything that happens here today.

But what if they ask?

- You know nothing. - Right.

I am perfectly aware about the nothing I know,

but I really don't see what the big deal is about...

- Tiger! - Shh!

Not so loud!

This is a secret, remember?

That's... That's not a secret.

That's a tiger, and they don't eat cat food.

They eat us.

See? She likes you already.

Well, see? She's trying to eat me.

She's just a cub. She's not gonna hurt you.

Isn't that right, Luna?

Luna.

Yeah, that's her name.

Oh, so you named her after yourself, huh?

Luna: short for lunatic.

That's you, buddy.

Who in their right mind gets a tiger as a pet?

She followed me home from Safari World.

What was I supposed to do?

And you brought her home? You think that's a good idea?

Your parents are cool with this? They're letting you keep her?

Shh! Not so loud. They don't know.

I can see where this is going.

And they're not going to find out, right?

Billy, these tigers, they grow really big.

I know.

And then they're not so easy to hide.

But she is cute. Can I hold her?

Sure.

Can I pick her up?

Ohh!

Whoa! Oh, my God!

Shut up, Billy! This isn't funny!

Man down!

Gross, gross, gross!

Gross, gross, gross!

Billy, get me some soap! It's not funny!

Yeah, it is.

Get away from me, Luna!

I know you're upset, Carla.

We are looking everywhere for Luna.

We will find her.

I promise.

Mr. Camp, the animals are in a real state,

especially the lions and tigers.

I don't think it's safe to have the children here today.

I think you're right.

Carla's very upset about Luna,

and all the animals can sense it.

I just don't understand it, Joe.

I was only in the cage for a few seconds.

What should we do now?

Well, then let's...

Let's cancel today. Don't sell any more tickets,

and anyone who purchased online, just, uh, give them a refund.

Refund? If we keep giving refunds,

we're going out of business.

I know!

I know.

Where are you, Luna?

Please come home.

Come home.

I can't wash this smell off of me.

So, how did it get here?

I found her in the back of my car.

She must have gotten into my backpack somehow.

Huh. I just keep getting the same message from Safari World.

Nobody's picking up.

They can't be closed on a Saturday, can they?

I wouldn't think so.

Oh, don't act cute.

I'm never forgetting that you peed on me.

Never, as long as I live.

So, where did you leave with Doreen?

Looking like an idiot again

after Tom and Brett humiliated me yet again.

Brett and Tom are jerks. You're a nice guy.

- There's no contest. - I know!

What's up with that?

The nice guys always lose.

Girls like Doreen like guys who are cool and dangerous.

Well, hey, you've got a tiger.

That's kinda cool and dangerous.

If you bring Luna to the park tomorrow,

your cool factor goes up like a million percent.

No. We have to take her back to Safari World.

But they're not answering.

Then we'll go over there ourselves

and tell them that we found Luna.

They're probably missing her already.

Why do we just take her with us?

Because if the feds catch us,

then we'll be locked up in juvey for like 10 years.

We won't get out till we're like 21.

That's a good excuse to miss school.

Hey, if that did happen,

we could avoid high school and most of college.

Hmm.

Now, Buster, be a good boy

and take care of Luna while I'm gone, okay?

You cannot let Mom and Dad into this room when I'm not here.

Can you get him to take out the trash, too?

Buster's a good boy. I trust him.

All right, let's go.

I need a good place to hide her,

somewhere she won't be able to get out of

and destroy the house again.

What about that trunk?

Good idea.

Come on, you're okay.

Come on, I'm just gonna put you in here.

Come on, you'll be safe in here.

Come on. Good girl.

Come on.

It's okay.

No, come on, go in.

It's okay. Shh, shh. Come on.

No, I'll be back in a little bit. Just stay in.

Okay, come on.

All right, let's go.

You know, I still think you should wait a few days

before returning her.

Koby, Safari World is probably already missing her.

You're missing a great opportunity

if you don't take advantage of Luna.

I'm telling you, Doreen loves cats.

But just make sure Luna doesn't pee on her...

or worse.

Come on.

Yeah, but still...

How much further is it?

We only left a few minutes ago, so&

Hey, stop, Koby, stop.

Isn't that Doreen sitting over there

with Penelope and Vicki?

Oh, yeah, it is. Go figure.

Pit stop!

Wait, what? No!

Koby, we have to get to the...

Great. Just great.

Koby!

Hey, girls!

What's going down?

No!

Apparently you.

That's not funny.

Koby, you okay?

It's okay. I meant to do that.

Hey, Billy, what's up?

Just a baby tiger.

- Koby! - What?

Nothing. We don't know anything about anything.

- Right, Koby? - Yeah, right.

Nothing but a baby tiger.

- What? - What?

We don't know anything about anything, remember?

You promised.

Did that include the baby tiger?

- Yes! - What about a baby tiger?

What's she saying?

- I don't get it. - Me neither.

You know, I really don't know anything about a baby tiger.

Does such a thing even exist?

They could be as real as unicorns or Hobbits,

for all I know.

- Stop talking, please. - Gotcha.

He's coming over here.

So, how about you, girls?

Any new animals in your lives?

Whatever.

It was great seeing you again, but we have to go.

- Come on, Koby. - Where are you off to?

Safari World.

Oh, don't bother. They're closed.

Why? What happened?

They didn't say, but I heard it's 'cause

the animals are acting up.

They refunded all the tickets.

Doreen said the tigers were amazing.

She is.

I-I mean they are.

We gotta go.

Lookee who we have here.

Tweedledum and Tweedledumber.

Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Even I know that, dummy.

What?

You kinda miss the point.

I kind of don't really care.

Are these two dweebs bothering you again, Doreen?

Depends on which two dweebs you're referring to.

Good one.

That's gotta hurt, eh, Tom?

Hey, Brett, hungry?

How 'bout a noogie sandwich?

- No, no, no, no! - Stop it! Stop it!

No, no, no!

Leave them alone! Tell him to stop!

You don't tell me what to do.

Stop it or Billy will sic his tiger on both of you!

Whoops. Sorry.

What did you say about a tiger, punk?

- Tiger? - Don't mind Koby.

He hasn't taken his medication yet today.

Oh? What's that?

He's a diagnosed moron.

Hey, that's not true.

The doctors haven't made a final diagnosis yet.

Why don't you pick on someone your own size, guys?

Well, we would, but...

There is no one our size.

I really wish you did have a tiger, Billy.

Put those two jerks in their place.

- He does. - No, I don't.

- Yeah, you do. - Don't.

- Do! - Don't!

- Do! - Don't!

- Do! - Don't!

- Do! - Don't!

- Don't! - Do!

- Don't! - Do! Look, I do have a tiger!

That's final! Just quit it!

See? Even he admits it.

You tricked me!

- A moron says what? - What?

Who are the morons now?

Shut up. You guys are full of crap.

If you have a tiger, then where is it?

In a very safe place?

Very safe.

Then we'll settle this tomorrow. You meet me at 3:00.

You show with no tiger, then you're gonna get a beating

and go down in history as the biggest liars of all time.

Ya got me?

Until tomorrow.

You guys better come up with a tiger.

Don't worry. They will.

I believe in you, Billy.

You know, that video we took?

I think I'm gonna post it on YouTube.

That's a good idea.

Did you see Doreen's face when you said you had a tiger?

I don't think things could've gone better.

Are you crazy?

Safari World's closed because I have their tiger,

I'm about to get beat up by two of the toughest kids in school,

and I may have ruined any chance that I had with Doreen,

and, dude, I'm losing my reputation at school,

the little bit of reputation I had left!

Well, I mean, it went well besides that.

My life is over.

Hey, look on the bright side. Doreen believes in you,

and now you just have to believe in yourself.

Besides, it cannot get any worse.

- Come on. - What do you have to eat?

- This trip has made me hungry. - Just come on.

Okay, let's...

Oh.

Oh, man. I take it back.

This is the worst day of your life.

You think? We've been robbed!

Well, you don't know that.

- Oh, man, what are we gonna do? - Okay, okay.

This is what we are going to do.

You are going to find Luna and make sure that she is okay.

I am going to clean this up,

and your parents will never know.

What time does your mom get home?

I think she gets home about...

now.

- Okay. Plan B, run! - Okay, okay!

Hey, your room's clean.

Parents should be happy about that.

Where's Luna?

- Luna! - Luna!

Aww...

How cute. Little baby.

Okay, I need you to put her in the backpack

and take her to your place.

Billy, she pees on me.

Just man up, okay? It's a tiger, not King Kong.

Maybe she's not as big as King Kong,

but did you see the amount of pee that came out of her?

How am I going to explain the smell of my clothes to my mom?

She just bought me this shirt.

It smells gross.

I know you don't like it, girl. I know.

Shh, shh, shh.

- Just hold the bag. - Okay.

Okay, baby. Shh, shh, shh.

Come on. Be a good girl.

Okay, that's not gonna work.

- That's not gonna work. - Okay, cool.

Try again, try again.

No, it's not gonna work.

Get a towel.

My parents are gonna kill me.

- Yeah, I know that. - Okay, come on.

Go ahead and wrap her.

Come on, baby.

Good girl.

Let me get this side around her.

All right, we get her?

I got her. Okay, let's go.

Okay, you got it?

Pull it up. Go, go, go.

Go, go.

It's really a special house. Billy, you home?

I have two people here...

Oh, my God! We've been robbed. Billy!

- Maybe it's not a good time. - We'll get back to you.

Billy!

Billy!

What happened?

Look, I can explain.

What do you mean? You did this?

What? No! I was out with Koby all day.

Then who is responsible?

The... The, um...

Buster did it!

What? Buster? What do you mean?

Buster did this?

Yeah, I mean, look at her.

His feet are just covered in ketchup.

He must've gotten hungry and tore into the trash can.

Honey, I'm...

We've been robbed! Call 911!

- You guys okay? - It's okay, honey. We're fine.

We weren't robbed. We were... Busterized.

- Busterized? - I gotta show you something!

- What? - Come on! It's important!

Once you see what I've done, you won't believe your eyes.

Ta-da!

What? What is it?

My room's clean!

Oh, wonderful.

- That's very nice, dear. - Come here.

Buster, you're going outside forever!

And you are gonna help me clean up the rest of the house

so it looks as nice as this one.

Why do you think Buster did this?

Well, maybe because he was outside all day,

and I might have kinda frazzled him out.

Maybe that had something to do with it.

Well, Buster's gonna have plenty of time

to get used to the outside now.

Hey, think that laundry detergent that you're working on

could do anything for these?

They didn't take one of my ideas today for the campaign.

Not one.

Well, how about, um... Oh, I know.

Fights the toughest stains from the wildest animals.

Uh, no, but I like where your head is.

Keep those ideas coming. I can use all I can get.

How was your day? Was it as pathetic as mine?

Actually, no. I finally sold a house.

You did what? That's great! Okay, that'll help a little.

Yeah.

Actually, you helped me.

Billy told me to stay confident and believe in myself.

And look, it worked.

Wow. Where'd you come up with an idea like that, pal?

It's like a theme of the day.

Ah, quiet!

Oh, well, Buster didn't seem too happy, though.

Yeah, well, maybe he should've thought about that

before he trashed our house.

Can I go check on him?

Okay, you try and calm him down,

but don't let him back in this house.

- All right, cool. - All right.

All right, let's get to work.

This is a mess!

Sorry, but I'm gonna have to put you in the shed

so my mom doesn't see you.

What's that idiot up to now?

Watch out for this thing. It isn't a toy.

Well, technically, it is,

but it can get very wet and very slippery.

I may be crazy, but that looks like a...

Now be a good little tiger,

and I'll be back in minute with something to eat.

They actually do have a tiger!

That loser was telling the truth!

I'm all out of cat food.

How about a nice juicy steak?

I want that tiger.

What are we gonna do with a tiger?

That's not the point.

The point is if we have it, they don't,

and then we win the bet tomorrow.

Now stay in here and try to keep quiet.

If Mom and Dad found that I have a tiger,

I'd be in so much trouble.

I'd go to jail.

You wouldn't want that, would you?

If I don't come up with a tiger at the part tomorrow,

I'm dead meat.

Okay?

I hope you understand, Buster.

I was just doing this for Doreen.

Boy, you'll always be my best friend.

Thanks, boy. I knew you'd understand.

"Koby, be back soon

and we'll go out for dinner. Love, Mom."

Whatever.

You think he's still in there?

I can't see it.

Put me down. I can't see anything.

I saw him put it in here.

Well, go get it.

Why don't you go get it?

It's just a little cat.

Perfect.

It's just a baby tiger cub. It can't harm you.

So you go get it!

Rock, paper, scissors. Best 2 out of 3.

Fine.

Get in there.

- Best 4 out of 5? - Get in there.

Don't worry, baby tiger.

I'm not gonna hurt you.

Shh! Buster, be quiet.

Quiet? Buster, come on.

Dad, how long does Buster have to stay out here?

Buster has to stay out here until he can explain to me

why he destroyed our house. I'm sorry, Billy.

- Buster. - Buster!

- Buster, get back here! - Buster, no!

Get back here!

- What's going on? - Buster got out.

We're just gonna cat-nap you.

Cat-nap?

It's like "kidnap," but for cats.

Just get in there.

Oh, hey, guys. Watch out.

There it is!

Been there.

Definitely done that.

Let's go, man! Let's go!

Come on!

Whoa! Whoa! What's... What's going...

- Hey! - What's going on here?

- What is that? - A steak!

No, not that. That!

Uh, must be a raccoon.

I always thought they were black and gray.

- Billy. - Billy!

It's a tiger.

Billy's tiger attacked us!

You need to explain what is going on here.

It's my tiger.

I found her, and I put her in there.

Koby, you're a good friend, and I appreciate it,

but you don't have to take the heat for this.

Okay.

It's my tiger. She ran away from Safari World,

and I've been keeping her from you.

Buster didn't mess up the house. It was Luna.

You know you can't keep a tiger.

She has to go back to her real home.

Yeah, you're right. When?

- Right away! - Now!

You're doing the right thing, Mr. Connolly.

Thank you. Who are you?

This is Koby's neighbor. See you tomorrow, Billy.

Remember, we have an appointment at 3:00.

Come on, Brett.

I'm sorry.

I was just trying to do the right thing

and return Luna to Safari World, but...

things just got out of hand.

You lied to us, Billy.

Billy, why?

I'm sorry.

Just trying to help.

Well, better get her cleaned up.

Can't bring her back to Safari World looking like that.

See ya, Billy.

Come on, Luna. Let's go get you cleaned up.

Come on, Buster. Let's just go home.

Oops! Aww...

She kinda acts like you

when I tried to give you a bath as a kid.

I miss that.

Having your mom wash you is not cool.

Okay, I just got off the phone with Mr. Camp,

who is really, really happy that Luna is safe.

He's coming over right now to get her.

Billy, I'm sorry. We can't keep a tiger.

- I know. - It's the right thing to do.

I was just getting used to that cute little face.

Don't grow up. You're perfect just the way you are.

I could say that, too, about you.

Mom!

Wait a second. Hold it.

Oh, look, you're playing. Oh, oh!

Keep... I'm... I'll be right back.

What is he doing?

Have we really ever known?

Your father works in mysterious ways, honey.

Okay, put him on up. Up on the edge there.

Just the way you have. That's great!

That's so cute!

This is awesome!

Come on, smile! Smile!

This is great!

This is funny.

This is the cutest thing.

Okay, wrap her in the towel, Billy.

There you go.

Oh, this is good! This is good.

Say cheese, Luna!

- Mr. Camp. - Mr. Connolly.

How are you? Please come in.

- Thank you so much for calling. - Are you kidding?

I'm so glad you could come over.

Your tiger's been through quite an adventure.

- Mr. Camp. - Mrs. Connolly.

And this is Billy.

Billy, I remember you from the other day, son.

Yeah. Hey, I'm really sorry.

She just kinda followed me home.

You must be worried. Here, let me call her for you.

Come on, Luna!

Come on, Luna. Time to go home.

Hi, sweetie! Hey!

We're not sure how she got into Billy's bag.

I can only imagine. But Billy took good care of her.

Yeah, he did.

Well, you know, animals are really good judges of character,

and I'm sure Luna sensed what a good person you are.

And, Billy, I wanna thank you

for taking such good care of my little runaway.

Yeah, I'm really gonna miss her.

I remember the first time I ever saw a tiger.

I must've dreamed of hundreds of adventures.

In fact, I even wrote down some of the better tales.

Maybe you should write a book.

Wait a minute. Yeah.

Uh, Tiger Tails.

- Hey! - Huh?

- That's not such a bad idea. - Right?

Well, my husband's full of not-bad ideas.

Thank you.

I'll take that as a compliment.

A Tiger's Tail adventure. I would read that.

Well...

I guess I should get the little lady back to Safari World

and try to make up for some of that money we lost.

Like I said, I don't know how to thank you.

I might know a way.

Billy, you caused enough problems.

Wait.

You know, I am in your debt.

You did save Safari World.

In fact, you know what, Billy?

Hit me with it.

Anything you want.

Well, there might be one small favor.

I got some friends who would love to see her.

You see, there are these two kids who bet me.

Here they come.

It's going to be fine.

Don't worry, Koby. I'll handle this.

Good luck.

Thanks, but it's not about luck.

It's all about confidence.

I think I'd rather have luck.

Oh, you know, you're right.

And I'm confident

that they're going to beat the heck out of us.

Once again, not helping.

Well, I must say I'm surprised.

I bet Brett that you two wouldn't even show up today.

Well, then I guess you lost.

You're the losers, losers.

Yeah! Now show us the tiger

and learn the hard way what happens to liars.

You girls might wanna look away.

This could get ugly.

So where is it, inside that backpack?

Nah, she's not in here.

You can tell by the new, clean smell.

Yeah, because there's no tiger poop inside.

Yeah, take a whiff.

It's not in there. We know they had to return...

Shut up. I'm enjoying this.

Yeah, Luna got way too big to fit in that backpack.

As you know, tigers can grow up pretty fast.

Boy, I'm glad she didn't eat that steak.

Look how big she's gotten

just from that peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Does that qualify as a tiger?

I told you!

Thanks, Mr. Camp.

Yeah, I guess it does qualify.

It was my pleasure, Billy. And guess what.

Someone else tagged along and wanted to say goodbye.

I told you he wasn't lying.

Doreen, I want you to meet Luna.

Luna, this is Doreen, the girl I've been telling you about.

Mr. Camp, you gotta hear this.

Tell him, honey.

Great news. She thought it was great, too.

- Spit it out! - Okay, okay!

- I really hope you think... - He has this client.

I'll tell him! There's a client that I've been working with...

an advertising campaign... and nothing has worked.

Forever! Really. And today I met with them,

and they absolutely love this concept.

That's Luna.

Yes, that's Luna! They love Luna!

They wanna make Luna the spokesperson for the brand.

We're talking about the sides of buses,

magazines, billboards.

And this client has deep pockets,

so any of the losses that you've incurred,

they're gonna take care of that and some.

What do you say?

I say yes!

That's great! That's so great!

- You did it. - No, we did it!

The whole family. Come here, buddy!

Ohh! We make a really good team.

Oh, and should you actually wanna write down

some of those stories that you've been talking about,

I did a mock-up of a book cover that I think could be great.

Thank you.

Of course.

- Do you know what this means? - What?

That you are a lifelong friend of Safari World,

and that means...

lifetime passes.

- Cool! - Oh, that's great!

Look, Mom...

You're right. He gets that from your side of the family.

So, Doreen, would you like to go with me?

I'd love to, Billy.

But what about me?

I helped take care of Luna.

Hmm.

What?

Oh! Look at that!

- What about me? - What?

And who wants to go to Safari World with me?

Me! I do! I do!

Thanks, Koby. You're awesome.

All right, let's all go on an adventure.

Okay.

- Hey. - Thank you.

- Hi, Mr. Camp. - Thank you both.

- Place looks great. - Thank you.

And I want to thank both of you for everything you've done.

Couldn't have been possible without you.

Oh, absolutely.

Looks like my little lecture worked.

Then she started wrecking my room.

It was terrible!

And then my mom almost caught me.

Look how happy he is.

Now with your promotion, and we get to stay in the house.

And Tony called, and I got some new clients.

- We're gonna be fine. - I'm so proud of you, honey.

Thank you.

Is that you or...

- Nah. - Not today.

I wanna thank you all for coming and helping us to raise money

to support all the beautiful animals

that you see around here.

Billy, get up here.

Now, what would any great adventure be without the tigers?

- Huh? - Come here, Luna. Come on.

Doreen, come here.

What?

And there you have it.

Our story ends where it began.

A happy ending for one and all.

Carla is very happy to be reunited with Luna.

And Billy and Koby got what they wanted,

and are now considered kind of cool

because of their new feline friends

and girlfriends.

And what about Tom and Brett?

Well, after being humiliated

in front of Doreen, Vicki, and Penelope,

they never picked on another person again.

Oh, who am I, you ask?

Well, I'm the lucky guy who published Joe Camp's comic book

A Tiger's Tail, based on this story.

And it became such a bestseller

that we're developing A Tiger's Tail 2 right now.

So I guess you could say I'm the happiest one of all.

Let's do it like that. I'll prop you up.

You get to say that you have a 5-pound steak in your hand,

playing tug-of-war with a dog with that 5-pound steak,

while eating a peanut butter sandwich,

and there's a baby tiger clawing at your back.

You're about to be pantsed by a tiger, dude!

You get to go with, "I got pantsed!

I got pantsed by a tiger!"

Who could ever say that?

- I know. - Sweet!

You show with no tiger, then you're gonna get a beating

and go down in history as the biggest liars of all time.

- Ya got me? - Mommy!

That looks funny.

Okay, get ready. He's really gonna bolt now.

Slid down a Slip 'n Slide

with the best baby tiger in the world on my stomach.

Beyond words in fun-ness.

- Now, kids, come along with me. - No!

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Best BFF's, BFF's!

- Give us that Koby charm, okay? - I will.

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Tuck and roll. Give me some soap!

Gee, I smell like my Aunt Beatrice.

Do I look nervous?

She's gonna eat that car.

Hey, hey, stop, stop, stop!

- Oh, yes. - He's a tiger.

Set. Action.

Oh, sorry.

You slammed me right in the...

Tammy, I'm ready to go.

Okay, I'm ready and waiting.

- Roll camera. - Speed.

Sound speed.

Damn, that's cool.

Um, that's enough.

Oh, my God!

Okay.

Yeah!

Uh, Billy... Wait, hold on.

Heimlich!

Missed the high-five.

Can you open the back door, hon?

Oh, yeah.

It is. Come on.

It's an earthquake, earthquake.

It's jerkish, the set's jerkish, yeah.

Ow. Ow.

One more time?

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

children of all ages, welcome to Koby's backyard.

This young man right here, a superstar of human beings,

a man of all men, a champion of champions

is going to face the Slip 'n Slide.

It's gonna be incredible.

Nobody in the history of Slip 'n Slides

has ever tried this!

Screw this. I'm out.

- Bye! - Bye.