Original subtitles

["Be Kind to My Mistakes" playing]

d It is this that A'

d Brings us together A'

d It is this that A'

d Brings us together A'

d It's all right, Darling A'

d We can do This together a'

d It's all right, Darling A'

d I can think Of nothing better X

d I don't know you a'

d And you don't Know me A'

d It is this that A'

d Brings us together A'

d I don't know What you are A'

d Looking for in me I

d I don't know What I want a'

d But my heart ls needing a'

d Am I yours? Are you mine? I

d We'll find all We're meant to find A'

d In your life, In my life 4'

d There are secrets Too dark A'

d To let out, To let go of a'

d To get over a'

d But that's All right, baby a'

d That's all right By me I

d It's all right now a'

d Just let me Say please a'

d Please a'

d Please a'

d Please a'

d Please be kind F

d Be kind A�

d To my mistakes a'

d Be kind A�

d Be kind A�

FTomeA'

d All love grows a'

[all cheering]

[slow instrumental music playing]

- [kids cheering] - [laughs]

All right, into the paddling pool now.

Splashes! Splashes! Come on, Katherine.

Come on, my baby. Up here.

If you're very good, you're all allowed down the slide later on.

Come on, up you go.

Up you go. I'll tell your mummy about you.

Splash, come on! Splashy, splash! Splashy, splash.

Firm and strong! That's it. Very, very good.

Amanda Bottomly, come here and do as...

Mr. Kingsland? Mr. Kingsland.

- Oh, God, are we late? - You will be.

Well, look, rule number one. Before you learn to swim,

you learn to tie your own Shoelaces. All right?

We will be out of here within seven minutes.

I watched you. You swim beautifully.

Oh, I've got to make a phone call,

- will you excuse me? - [kids chattering]

All right. Mr. Kingsland's class, out now, please!

Do you want one of these?

[telephone ringing]

Whose are these?

Oh, give me those!

Good grief. You know he's still a virgin.

[women giggling]

[pleasant music playing]

Hello, Julian.

- [piano music playing] - Were they dancing in the dark in Phoenix Park?

Did Charlie Parnell and Micky Davitt die in vain?

Well, let's see what the bones say. Shall we?

Huh? And where are they taking me?

Where, perchance, might these bones be leading me?

I think they're going to your pockets, Gerry.

Come on, you bugger!

I'm not doing a Val Doonican impersonation!

Let's see it!

Let's see the colour of your money!

The virgin's bones are shaking!

- [laughter] - They're shaking your hair, boy.

And you'll be buying the next drink!

You will, you know!

[piano music continues]

[indistinct chatter]

[whistles] How about it, you okay?

[reporter on TV] shot from close range

as the Pope entered St. Peter's Square

- for a general audience. - [siren wailing on TV]

The Pope was rushed to a hospital

for emergency surgery...

[reporter continues indistinctly]

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Pint of Guinness, please.

- Okay, that's 285. - Nah, that was a treble, mate.

They don't work Sundays. Don't you know that?

You're the one that has to pay for it, cooker.

[line ringing]

- [automated voice] Hello. - Hello...

Mary Richards is no longer at this number.

You can reach her at the following.

515-5290.

[reporter on TV] Outside the court, over 200 reporters

- and photographer waited... - Lucy,

what's the Royal Academy exhibition like?

I thought I might take Ronnie.

I'm trying to bore him to death with culture.

[Lucy] Good for you. Teach him.

We saw two ballets last week

and he absolutely hated them.

Oh, this is mine.

And a poetry reading, he didn't like that very much either.

You know, he actually dozed off in Tos...

Tosca last week.

You're both philistines! [Chuckling]

[Lara] At least I actually like poetry readings.

Well, I'm not mad about them.

So, what do you think about the Royal Academy?

Well, frankly,

you run the risk he might enjoy it.

[reporter on TV] Also included in the charges

was the death of Marguerite Walls,

the 42-year-old civil servant,

whose body was found in the garden

of a Leeds magistrate's house.

Sutcliffe also faces seven charges

of attempted murder from 1975 to 1980.

The final murder charge concerns the death

of student, Jackie Hill, in Leeds last November.

After the hearing, Mrs. Sonia Sutcliffe

hid her face from photographers

as she was escorted to a waiting car

and driven away.

The magistrates remanded Peter Sutcliffe in custody

to await his trial at Leeds Crown Court

at a date yet to be fixed.

He was driven straight back to Armley Jail.

An additional charge that he had stolen two car number plates,

valued at 50 pence, was withdrawn...

[sighs]

[man on TV] He's not a grown man, your husband.

He's a puking boy.

He can't even lay a girl without the whole world knowing it.

Bess says he makes her sick with his slop.

I made her swear on the baby's head

that she was telling the truth.

I brought the baby and made her swear on his head.

If ever I hear his stinking voice,

I'll pull it out of his throat.

[Gerald] Put it out.

What?

Do you think I'm stupid?

The fag.

Cigarette. Fags are poofters.

[Gerald] Your ma would go ape-shit

if she knew I let you smoke.

I thought you let me.

You let me before. That's why I come here.

Cut it out!

- [man on TV] ...years ago. - [woman on TV] Did you?

Yes. Of course I did.

- You told me you hadn't. - So, I lied.

So what? What did you expect me to do?

What are you doing, nipper?

[Geoffrey] Papier-mache.

[man on TV] I can't remember.

I'm making a model.

French model, first floor.

I don't know what yet.

Tell me something.

Why does she always have to be French, hmm?

What's wrong with a good old British tart, hmm?

- The others! - There weren't any others.

How many?

[man] Half a dozen, a dozen, I don't know,

what do the numbers matter?

You live in a dream world, do you know that?

[woman] When you were here or when you were away?

[man] When I was away, if that's what you want to hear.

- [woman] If it's true! - [man] All right then. When I was away.

[woman] Why did you marry me?

Why?

Answer me!

[man] You know why.

[woman] What do you think of marriage?

[man] It doesn't exist.

[laughing] You little sod!

[laughing heartily]

- Why did you go to bed with Bess? - Oh.

- Didn't you ever try not to? - Yes.

[telephone ringing]

[Lucy] It's all right, I'm here.

Hello?

- [Gerald] Is that Miss Irvine? - I'm sorry?

This is Gerald Kingsland, I'm ringing about the,

the advertisement in Time Out magazine.

I'm sorry, I thought you...

- Are you serious? - Of course I'm serious.

Why, is it some kind of...

[laughs] Everything is straight and above board.

Can we meet for a drink?

Yes. Where?

Well, if convenient, somewhere in London.

Uh... Look, hold on.

[man on TV] I wish you'd die!

[mutes tv]

Right.

- Russell Square Hotel. - Russell Square...

Hotel.

- Say, 7:30? - 7:30.

- Yes, that's fine. - Right.

- That's great. - Okay.

Well, I'll see you then. Is it...

[dialer tone]

- [exclaims] Sexy, hey? - [laughing]

- That's outrageous. - Who was that then?

[It was just an old friend. Laughs]

It was probably mine anyway. He owes me a tenner.

[puffing rapidly]

Who did you phone, then?

Somebody I'm having dinner with tomorrow night.

A friend of mine.

[woman on TV] I should die here.

[brakes screeching]

[indistinct chatter]

Hello. Um, I'm looking for Mr. Kingsland.

Could you have him paged for me?

Mr. Kingsland was sitting over there,

- he must be in the lounge. - Right.

Mr. Kingsland? Lucy Irvine.

Well, thank God for that.

What?

Um...

To tell you the truth, I thought

that the lady over there was going to be you.

[chuckling] Well, it wasn't.

No. No, she wasn't.

- Would you like... - 80...

- Sorry. - No, I'm sorry.

I was going to say, "Would you like a drink?"

Yes, right. Mmm.

It's amazing, this.

Yes, it is, isn't it?

Well, meeting someone...

What I mean... Well, it's the ultimate blind date. [Laughs]

Well, it's not as if...

I mean, we're not, um...

Yes. It's not exactly, um...

- Why, I suppose we are, really. - [chuckles softly]

- Can I tell you something? - Yes?

You are the first woman, I mean, girl

that I've interviewed that's

that's made it feel that way.

Would you like that drink?

[chuckling] Yes, I would.

Yes, well, it's, um...

No, no, no, it's...

- Oh, I'm sorry! - [both laughing]

It's through there.

[reporter on TV] gave themselves up to authorities

in Damascus tonight.

Their surrender came a short time

after a plane carrying 54 Pakistanis...

- [Lara yelling] Can I borrow your mascara? - Yeah.

[reporter] yards from where the hostages were being held.

[Lara yelling] Can I borrow your mascara?

Yes!

[reporter] ...to release the hostages was in jeopardy.

[piano music playing]

The funny thing is I've seen, what is it,

eight other applicants since I first met you, and I got, what,

I'm supposed to see three more.

But I don't mind you knowing that you're

you are definitely going to be on my shortlist.

Well, that was delicious pasta.

In fact, I can't eat it any more.

Well

it's the preparation of these kind of things that's important.

Of pasta?

No, I mean real life. I mean, the island.

I'm not some arsehole like Robinson Crusoe,

who suddenly finds he's got the whole ship's stores at his disposal.

And a manservant sort of slave.

- I beg your pardon? - Man Friday.

He had a Friday, as well.

- [chuckles] - Yes.

Yes, he did. You see, I've got to organize the whole thing.

I've got to prepare stores, medicines, visas,

and things like that.

The most important thing's enough money.

The right sort of island, proper water supply.

The right sort of companion.

[chuckling] In that order?

[laughing]

Now, what do you do for a living?

No, no, no.

You're not a secretary, are you?

Mmh-mmh.

A nurse?

[laughing] No. Are those the choices?

Hmm. I don't understand.

Well, secretary or nurse.

[laughing] Forget it.

I work for the Inland Revenue.

And I've heard all the jokes.

Hmm. Do you know, one of the girls

that I interviewed for this job said that she had a

had a degree in law.

"What bloody good is that on a desert island?" I said.

I was, um... I was joking.

Give me a woman that can cook,

sew, put up a tent.

Fish.

Mind you, I suppose,

a nurse could be useful, hmm?

Think about it.

[plane roaring]

[reporter on TV] ...although they haven't named the day,

the wedding will take place in the latter half of July.

And she'll become the Princess of Wales.

The engagement ring, 14 diamonds and a sapphire...

[Lucy] Tuin Island. It's in the Torres Straits.

[Gerald] What?

- Oh, hi. - Hello.

[Gerald] Nothing like a good read in the bog, you know.

- I just... - [Gerald] I'm only telling you...

- Gerald... - in order that you get rid...

- Uh, get used to my bad habits. - Gerald...

Gerald, Lara's here.

- I just came to... - [Gerald] What?

- I said Lara's just come to... - [Gerald] What?

Oh. Uh...

[Lara clears throat]

Um

[Lara exclaims] - [both laughing]

Like that?

Yes.

Yeah, well...

- How's Ronnie? - Oh, he's fine.

- Thank you. - And you two?

Yes. Yes.

Oh, that's... That's mine, I think.

Right.

Well, I'll... I'll see you before you go.

Absolutely.

Right.

Bye.

Love to Ronnie.

Yes. Thanks, bye.

- [Gerald] Lara! - [Lucy] She's gone.

- [Gerald shouts] Lara! - [Lucy] She's gone, Gerald.

[traffic sounds]

[Lucy] Fucking unbelievable!

[Davenport] You have a problem?

[Lucy] Oh, no, no problem.

To hell with it, we'll just find another island.

Lucy, we have been looking for three months.

I'm not getting married

just because some crapulous old Australian bureaucrat says...

The problem I was referring to, is money, my dear.

- Ah, but I... - My company advanced the advance.

Now, since we're a poor publishing house,

we had to insist that it was repayable

if the little adventure was called off.

Now, we did discuss insurance.

You remember?

But, uh, you decided against it. "No need."

[Lucy] God!

How much have we spent?

Everything.

I mean, Lucy, there were the airline tickets and...

I am not marrying you, Gerald!

Not for some out-of-date immigration law.

And especially not just to get us out of debt.

Taxi!

[Gerald] Lucy?

L_uCY

["Nessum Dorma" playing]

[sniffles]

[record skipping]

Carry on. You may kiss the bride.

You're man and wife.

Bravo! Well done.

Another good marriage, Gerald. And it cost so little.

[indistinct chatter]

[indistinct]

[bell buzzing]

I'm sorry, Lucy. Lucy, I'm sorry.

[registrar] We have another couple waiting,

if you wouldn't mind clearing the marriage room.

[Gerald] Right, it's all down to the Chinese takeaway.

Come on then.

[Lucy crying]

[serene instrumental music playing]

[Janice] How am I supposed to get this done

if people keep on bothering me all the time, Gerald?

- It's bigger than... - Bigger.

[Janice complaining indistinctly]

It looks...

[Janice] No bathroom.

Right. Better get on with it.

It's probably much...

It can't be prettier than

that sky.

[Janice] Don't look... Look at the island.

Fabulous. Now, both of you together.

- It's our home. - [camera shutter clicking]

[indistinct chattering]

[birds clucking]

Ruin all my...

- [Lucy] Give me the camera. - [Gerald] Come on.

I just hate this!

No!

[Lucy] Sit down!

[woman] Have a good time!

[Janice] You could've done it on any beach!

[engine starts]

[waves roaring]

[Lucy and Gerald laughing]

[Gerald laughs] Come on!

[Gerald] Out! Out! Out!

- Out! Out! Out! - [Janice] Wait! What about me?

[grunts]

Yes. Yes! Yes!

[Gerald laughing]

Fabulous! Fabulous!

Good.

That's another one. Go to the left now, love.

- No, hold it! Hold it. - [camera shutter clicking]

Less than a year to go, love.

That's it. With every click.

That's fab.

Okay, now, look out, at that gorgeous sea.

Fabulous! Bit to the left.

Come on, love. That's it, great.

Wonderful! Wonderful!

Think of that beautiful sea.

- That's it! - [urine trickling]

[Janice] We'll get you in a minute, Gerald. Stay there.

- Bye! - Bye-bye, now.

- Me lookie you here some time. - Bye.

[Janice] Get out of the background, you!

Where's he gone?

[Lucy] He can't have gone far, can he, Janice?

[Janice] Mmm. Where's the ladies?

[Lucy] Janice, for God's sakes,

use your imagination!

[Janice] Well, never mind. I'll wait.

- Lucy? - Yup_.

Lucy!

Let me send a chopper in the next two weeks, just...

- Janice, don't! - But I just...

That's not the point.

This is mine.

I'm going to do it.

And it's Gerald's, too.

[Gerald] Lucy!

Welcome to Tuin.

Hey, Janice.

Do you want to take a picture of what it's really

going to be like on a desert island, hmm?

- [whistling tune] - Gerald, stop it.

[laughing]

Take a joke, old girl, take a joke.

Actually, I could do with a couple of shots like that. Hold it.

Hey, Lucy. Real desert island dress. You know what I mean?

Look, we'll take those.

I've got 50 boxes of Polaroid film.

Oh! I can get off on Polaroids, too, dear.

[chopper approaching]

Go, Donnie!

Get the martinis ready, darling!

Whoo!

Saved at last.

I could write my book now.

Two hours on a desert island.

- [Gerald] Come on then. - [Lucy] Come on then.

- No more sand in the undies! - [Gerald] Come on then.

Bloody noise.

[Janice] Here I come! Whoo!

[helicopter hovering]

[Janice] Oh!

[Janice exclaiming]

[Gerald] Jesus Christ! Hold on to me!

[Janice] Oh, my God!

- ["Llanice groaning] - [Gerald] Ow!

[Janice] Did you see the size of that thing?

Oh, no.

[continues speaking indistinctly]

[Gerald] Jeez! [Grunts]

- [Lucy] Come on. - I can't believe it!

Bye, you guys.

Good luck.

Take care of yourself.

[Lucy] Bye.

[Janice] Donnie, get me out of here!

Ah!

Saved at last.

Oh!

Would you post this letter, please?

[Janice] Good luck, guys.

ORB'!

[Janice] Come on, Donnie, let's go.

Bye, you guys. See you.

[Gerald speaking indistinctly]

Bye, Janice. Bye!

- Lou, come on. - [cries out]

[Gerald] Watch these bloody rays. Whoa!

Tea?

Uh...

[sheepish chuckle]

[chopper blades whirring]

I've made more tea.

Great. I could do with that.

Phew!

What do you think of the tent?

Yeah, I think it's wonderful.

Here.

Thank you.

What the hell are you doing?

Snakes, they hate vibrations.

[laughing]

My darling, a snake would need

a bloody power drill to get in there.

I mean, look at the way it's constructed.

The whole thing is made completely

from man-made fibers.

Yes, well, it's very nice.

Until we get started on the real shelter, hmm?

Look, I left some rice on the boil,

and it's going to get dark soon.

Yeah, okay. Well, we'll try fishing tomorrow, all right?

[zipper unzips]

I can't... Why can't I seem to find the iodine?

I'm sorry, I told you.

I forgot to pick it up when we were in Badu yesterday.

- I'm sorry. - What, and the extra flour supplies we agreed?

That was packed with the iodine, I told you.

- Oh, for God's sake! - I'm sorry.

Lucy?

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

[eerie animal call]

['Gilt you! {startled cry]

Don't do that!

[chuckling]

I bet you thought I was asleep.

But I wasn't.

But what I am...

I'm randy... and ready.

[Lucy] Stop it!

[orchestral music playing]

[Lucy inhales]

[panting]

[Gerald] Did you ever find yourself walking down a street,

and all of a sudden you're walking faster and you don't know why?

Then, you suddenly realised

you'd passed a fishmonger's shop.

Mmm?

I hate dead fish, you know!

Well, you can't exactly cook them

when they're alive, can you?

I'm talking about buying them.

Do you know, I once read Izaak Walton's Compleat Angler.

It was incredibly boring.

What did you read it for, then?

[loudly] I said, what did you read it for, then?

Because I never give up, once I've started.

Bitch!

- You know something, Lucy? - Hmm?

[Gerald] You're as good as a man to have around here.

I'll tell you something else. Shit!

- There could be crocodiles around here. - No!

[Gerald] Yep.

Those saltwater crocs are... killers.

Yup. I read it.

They really are killers.

- [bird squawks] - [gasps] Jesus!

Hmm.

Now, that lady there is Aunty Lucy, you see.

And the gentleman is me.

And, that's when we just arrived on the island.

And this one here is a picture of you,

as you are now.

Gerald, what do you think about when you're

you're doing routine things?

You know, boring things.

Think about?

Yeah, you always look blank.

You know, nothing much going on.

So, I can't tell.

Well, I think about what's happening, first off.

And then, I think about...

And then, I think about, uh...

What a bloody silly question!

What does anybody think about?

I think about food and that... That sort of thing.

I mean, it's fairly obvious, isn't it, hmm?

Thing is, you never ask questions.

You know what I mean? About life,

God, mankind.

I just want to know what goes on inside your head.

That's all.

My brain

[grunts] is like my prick.

It goes up and down of its own accord.

And sometimes, it...

It explodes with excitement.

But, when you see it lying there,

just doing nothing, nothing at all,

then you'd be surprised at what it's capable of thinking about.

[laughing]

Try some.

Hmm.

Would you like to move there some... some time?

[Lucy] Mm. Yes.

[Gerald] "There was a young man from Watt."

Who took a lady out on a yacht.

Too lazy to rape her,

he made darts of brown paper

"which he idly flicked at her twat."

L_uCY

Lucy?

Lucy?

[birds squawking]

Come on, Gerald. It'll be dark soon.

Yeah.

Gerald, look, we should get back because the fire's going...

Shh, shh. Relax, will you?

There's gonna be plenty of time for fire lighting, all right?

You lazy sod!

- Yeah. - I don't believe it!

You've just found another excuse to sit down.

Yeah!

You're always lying about!

Yes.

Yes.

[waves splashing]

[distant tango music playing]

[music continues playing]

Hey. Luce!

Luce, come on down.

[mock Spanish accent] Come on! Look, it is ready.

I promise you, I teach you to tango, no?

Gerald, we need shelter! We need food!

[angrily] This is... This is... Oh, God!

[normal accent] Hey! I thought you wanted to learn something

while you were here!

What do you think this is? Bloody Devil's Island?

- [music continues] - [Gerald humming]

[up-tempo music playing]

Gerald, I thought you were gonna teach me fishing today.

We'll have rice tonight.

Hmm. Well, I counted out one of the bags.

18 days, or 25, if we eat less.

Times four. That's 100 days.

Lucy, I want to plant this garden.

I want things to start growing.

Firstly, because it's practical, we'll need it.

And secondly, and maybe more importantly,

it's something that I've always wanted to do.

Grow my own food on my own island.

Now, I'll make sure that we don't starve, Lucy.

And I'll make sure that you learn to fish.

But, I want to do this first because I owe it to myself

and it will prove to me

that I believe in our future here.

Together. You understand?

Our lives may depend upon these vegetables.

Gerald, come on, with an ocean full of food.

LUCY'

you cannot live on protein alone. You will die.

You need vegetables, carbohydrates. Fruits.

Otherwise you die, you see. Bloody die.

Well, let's hope they grow, then.

Let's pray that they do.

Do you pray?

Sometimes.

You?

I say "thank you" a lot. [Chuckles]

"A great philosopher ant

once crawled up the leg of a pant.

He recognised the pudenda as feminine gender,

which proves what you know,

"you students of Kant."

Gerald, don't break the skin.

[mockingly] Gerald, don't break the skin. No, teacher, I won't.

No, I won't.

[sighs]

- Push it up, Gerald. - Lou, I can't get it up!

[Lucy] Go on, harder!

- [Gerald] Come on! - [bees buzzing]

- Ugh. - Come on.

Just a bit, a bit.

[Lucy] Yes, yes, come on!

[Gerald] Got to get in.

- [Lucy] Come on. Let me help. - Bloody thing.

Got brewer's droop again. Shit! Bloody thing!

- Come on! - [buzzing gets louder]

[Lucy] Whoo!

[Crying out]

- Gerald! - Shit!

- [Gerald] Jesus! - Gerald! Are you all right?

Fucking hell, Lou, they're everywhere!

- Gerald, Gerald... - Fucking kill them, Lou!

It's all right, Gerald. Shh, shh, shh.

[shrieks]

[chuckling softly]

Shh.

- At least they missed the old fellow downstairs. - [chuckling]

Oh, the bastards.

You crazy man.

Shh.

[Gerald whimpers]

When you wrote answering

that ad, Lucy, is this...

Is this what you expected?

Oh, shit!

Is it all right for the member of Tuin West now?

Gerald, please. Don't.

Please.

[song playing in native language]

[Lucy] It's making me feel lightheaded.

- What is? - No protein.

Nothing but rice since Tuesday.

Yeah, and those eternal cups of tea.

Gerald?

Mm?

Look, I don't want this to make any difference to us.

[Gerald] Leave it.

Gerald, I don't want to hurt you, Gerald, really.

And I am sorry.

Lucy. [Chuckling]

Do you know that

you're always sorry? I mean, you've got this sorry thing

going around in your head all the time.

Do you know that?

Makes you angry, doesn't it?

God, it frightens me.

I mean, your anger.

I mean, we're here on this island, alone.

[sighs] It frightens me.

It makes me feel so guilty.

You're a smug little shit.

I just can't.

[gasps]

Nothing's changed here.

I didn't get fat, or bald,

or forget to wash behind my ears. Did I?

Nothing's changed here, girl.

Nothing's changed except you. You've changed!

You! You welshed on a deal. Do you understand?

You lied. And you... who red.

And you... You who red your way down here.

Well, we have got nine months, and 26 days to go.

Let's see if we can both last that long, shall we?

[grunting]

[cries out] Gerry! Got something!

Gerry!

Look, Gerry!

- You land it, Lucy! You land it! - Gerry, we need this!

This is food, Gerry. Come on, we need it!

Let it run!

For Christ's sake, it's a shark!

Let it run!

- Here. - Give it!

Give it line! A-ha!

A-ha!

[Lucy screaming]

[Gerald singing indistinctly]

Come on, come on.

Come on!

[Gerald] Here it comes, here it comes.

[laughing maniacally]

Come on, my beauty!

[laughter fades]

Oh. Um...

Ah, yeah, well, you take that.

And, I'll go and, um...

Gerald?

Gerry?

Gerald!

[bird shrieks]

Gerald?

Gerry, we can't leave it like this.

[birds screeching]

[heavy breathing]

Gerry!

Gerry!

It's not fair!

I can't go searching for you!

Gerald!

Gerald!

Gerald, we're in this together.

Gerald, we can talk about this, can't we?

Gerry!

[Gerald] "There was a young man from Leeds"

who swallowed a packet of seeds.

Out of... [grunts]

His arse grew blades of grass

and his balls

"all covered in weeds."

[panting]

Gerald!

Gerald!

L_uCY

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I went to... I went to the other side of the island, and...

And I wanted to come back

by first light. Do you understand?

- [{Lucy sobbing] - I'm sorry!

[continues crying]

I didn't mean to frighten you, Luce.

I didn't, my darling.

I'm sorry.

I'm...

And these...

These damn things are beginning to, to hemorrhage.

- Do you understand? - Mm.

I'm sorry, girl.

Fucking hell!

Oh, shit!

- Do you know something, Lou? - Hmm?

I reckon, even if I had some rolling tobacco,

I've forgotten how to roll a cigarette.

[exhales sharply]

Phew!

Dear, oh, dear. Hot, huh?

It's weird, isn't it?

Yeah.

- [Lucy] I mean the changes. - Hmm?

I mean, you can say the words,

"Pub, copper,

- bus? - Hmm.

- "A friend." - Mmm.

And they just

don't mean anything anymore.

Yes, they just

seem to have lost their images, don't they?

They're just

[PODS] �sounds.

[sighs] Yes.

_l_Ou? "Hmm?"

Will you just give these

a spot more?

- Here. This one, this one. - Yeah.

- And this one. This one. - Yes.

A screw and a cold beer right now is,

is the summit of my whole life's ambition.

Do you know something?

You could found a whole new religion on this island.

With a screw and a cold beer.

Here.

LUCY'

I said screw, not stew.

You're such a liar.

What did I do wrong now?

Your whole character's a lie.

You pretend you don't read,

don't think, don't listen.

You pretend you're just a "give me a good lay,

"a good beer and I'm happy" sort of chap.

Hmm?

Lucy, everybody leads their secret life.

Where even secrets have secrets.

Sure.

Women love to skewer us,

love to figure us out and then pigeon-hole us.

"He's reliable, he's quiet but gentle,

he's sweet with the kids.

I really do know the real inner him," they say

to themselves, nodding wisely.

And they're amazed when suddenly

he breaks ranks and they...

They discover, all of a sudden, that they never knew one

one sweet doodle,

not even one sweet doodleshit about them.

Now, believe me.

My God, have we been here that long?

[humming tune]

So...

You dropped your panties after all, eh?

What?

Dropped your panties!

"[Lucy] "I'm not going to read this aloud to G.

You have to have a concave navel to make love to a sunbeam.

- "I have the most beautiful navel on Tuin." - [Gerald laughing]

[Lucy] "They enter directly from above

when the sun is perpendicular to the Earth

if caught on a rock alone at this hour of the day,

"you are almost certain to be ravished."

[laughing]

"Sunbeam in your navel."

[laughing] Oh, Lucy.

[Gerald] Ugh!

I don't even like the taste of these things.

Gerald, at least they're food.

You're not allergic to them like the shark.

God, you know

my mother used to take us winkling when

when we were...

She used to wear this, this big apron thing with

with a huge great pocket in the front.

And her hair in a scarf.

It was always up in a scarf.

And she was always...

She was always bent from working.

It was a... It was a beautiful wide bay,

when the tide was ebbing, we all used to run down and...

She used to...

She used to pickle winkles.

Pickle them.

I've never heard of pickled winkles.

Maybe it was something else.

I wonder why she did that.

Do you know some nights my mother used to go up to the big house,

on the cook's night off,

and help out in the kitchens.

I used to go with her.

And when the staff used to sit down and have their supper,

I used to crawl underneath the table

and pretend to play with my toy cars,

but do you know...

Do you know what I was really doing?

[breathes deeply]

I was looking up their frocks,

at all those white thighs and stockings

and knickers and garters,

and all those secret fleshy places.

Gerry, when are we gonna start on the proper shelter?

You know that tent is driving me crazy.

How long have we been here?

It seems to me that today was a much

longer day than the day when we first arrived.

[Lucy] Do you know this might be the place, Tuin...

This might be the place where we die.

[Lucy chuckles softly]

I always thought I'd die in England.

Gerry, do you ever think of food?

Home food.

- [Gerald] Hmm. - Like, um...

- Like egg and chips and vinegar? - [stomach grumbling]

- [Gerald] Lucy, don't. - Or, um

slices of cold potato and pickled dill.

Have you ever had hot buttered toast

with marrow bone jelly andjusL

just a scraping of marmite with some pepper?

Or, um, bowls of fresh iced raspberries.

[moaning] God.

Or tagliatelle and cream.

- [moaning] - With chopped ham and some spices.

- [stomach grumbling] - And on the side three big pints of beer

with all the condensation coming down the side.

[Lucy? {moaning Softly]

That was better than sex, wasn't it?

[Gerald breathing heavily]

Lucy, Lucy, don't.

[Lucy] Feed me.

Lucy, don't go on.

Lucy, wake up.

- Please, wake up. - [Lucy speaking indistinctly]

[Lucy whispering] Smell of you.

Lucy, you're dreaming.

[moaning]

[Lucy] Secret. Lovely secret.

[Gerald] You're dreaming, Lucy.

You're dreaming.

[Lucy] Deeper, Tuin.

Deeper...

I'll die on you.

Oh, you've used me, Tum.

[moans softly]

Are you all right?

[Gerald] They woke me up.

They're really painful, aren't they?

Yeah.

Yeah, they are.

You were talking in your sleep.

[Lucy] What was I saying?

At the first stroke it will be twelve o'clock...

Precisely!

At the first stroke it will be ten o'clock, precisely.

Gerald!

Gerry!

Gerald!

At the first stroke...

I'm over here at one o'clock!

- [Lucy] Gerry! - Two o'clock!

Gerald, there's somebody coming!

- Cover your tits! - What?

For God's sake, cover your tits!

[man] Ahoy there!

Anyone ashore?

Anybody home?

[man] Hello, there!

There are only two of them.

I dare say we could be sociable.

- [Gerald] Hello there. - [Lucy] Hello!

- [man 1] Ahoy! - [man 2] G'day!

You are required under penalty of law

to complete and return this census form.

What?

Incredible, isn't it?

They insisted on us stopping by

to deliver this census form!

[laughing]

Look, lh0pe you won't mind,

but we've got some repairs we want to do to our hulls.

We haven't got any spare food, you know.

It's okay, we've got plenty of food.

In fact, you can have some of ours if you like.

Well, that's very nice of you. Thank you very much.

I know, it's crazy.

Anyway...

Here it is.

So, how's it been going?

Well, we love the island.

Well, I'm Rod Armstrong.

- [Lucy] Hello. - That's my mate, Jason.

G'day, Jason Menzies.

[Gerald] Hello.

- Hello, Jason. - G'day.

You both look...

Yeah, well, we're getting on fine by ourselves up until,

till just now just...

Just... Just fine.

Your boat looks marvelous. Fantastic boat.

Flaughsl

Lucy

Why don't you make us all a cup of tea?

Tea, yes. Yes, of course. Come on.

Great idea.

Thanks.

How's that?

Here we go.

Ah! That hurts.

Ah! OW!

Ah!

That hurts.

Here, have a beer.

[Lucy laughing]

[Lucy] Gerald being silly.

[Jason] I bet you didn't know what to expect.

[Lucy] And that is about... And that's all we brought with us.

Lucy, do you realise something?

Today is the first day that you've entertained anybody as a married woman.

So it is.

God, there's so much intimacy about what you two are doing.

I mean by the end of this,

there won't be anything you don't know about each other.

What do you talk about?

Practical things, of course.

And, um, then

talk about our lives...

Memories, ideas...

I don't know. It's all a bit beyond talking, really.

[Rod] Yeah.

What happens when people know too much about each other?

No pretenses left.

Nothing to hide behind.

At least you're married.

If you weren't, imagine the ransom you'd hold

over each other when you're finished.

I couldn't let somebody else walk around with that.

I'd have to do them in.

[Gerald] Yeah, we're only married

because the government made us.

Do you know what they said to us?

They said, "No hanky-panky on a desert island

unless you've got a license."

Oh, come on, that's hard to believe.

[Gerald] Yes it is, isn't it?

Mind, it could be worse. No hanky-panky at all.

Now, that would be unbelievable.

[guitar string snaps]

[Rod] Shit!

[Lucy] Oh, it's not Gerald's fault.

It's just the way he is.

It's me, I know.

But he just lies there doing nothing.

With no

imagination.

Imagination...

I suppose...

I suppose it's because he's so much older than me, partly.

That terrible leg infection.

- It's slippery there. - [Rod] Uh-huh.

[Lucy playing flute]

What's the... What's the next bit?

A-

Here and there.

Oh, right, here we go.

[Playing tune]

[whistling tune]

You do it. You do it.

[Playing tune]

[Lucy sighs]

God, I love this place.

Everything I dreamed for it to be.

Where's Jason?

Lucy

[Lucy] No. No, I'm married!

I'm a married woman!

[laughter]

[Gerald] You're like a randy little bitch on heat!

Do you know that?

You behave like that tomorrow,

and I'm going to beat the shit out of you.

Do you understand?

[Lucy yelling]

You're a very

peculiar person.

I don't understand you, Lucy.

Take it easy.

Funny couple.

I kind of like old Gerald.

He was okay.

A bit starboard, mate.

So, tell me, slosher,

did you get a bit?

Laughs.

I'm going fishing.

Use those hooks and the...

And the bait that they left us.

I had to defend you.

I had to defend you! I was so ashamed!

Defended me?

Defended me!

[laughing hysterically]

That is crass!

You threw yourself at them!

- Yesterday, they... - Oh, yeah.

[laughing]

Oh, yeah, yesterday! What did we do yesterday?

What did we do? Did we have them both, did we?

Did we have one at each end, did we?

You bloody threw yourself at them!

You behaved like a little randy bitch!

I didn't do anything!

Out of some stupid misguided sense of loyalty!

Tell you one thing, I bloody wish I had!

Oh, I Wish I had!

Lucy

Lucy, you're a liar.

I ended up defending you!

They saw everything.

Everything!

The way you just lie there

useless!

Hopeless. Thoughtless.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, yeah, Lucy!

What is that, eh?

What is that, bird shit?

That's a house, Lucy. That's a house!

[laughing]

Oh, we know what madam prefers, don't we, eh?

Some blond, muscular beach bums?

Some Aussie stud come strutting off the beach, huh?

[laughing]

Oh, yeah. No sex on Tum.

No.

Not until Jason and Rod arrives anyway.

Look, I wanted to be proud of you! That's all!

Just proud of you!

I wanted to be able to say, "Look what we've done here.

Look how we've survived, him and me."

And you know what?

I couldn't even say that!

This is your rations.

I'll be back.

Lucy, don't.

Look at this place, Gerald.

Look at what we've done here!

Look at what you've done!

Nothing!

House! [Scoffs]

It's nothing!

Oi! Bitch!

This was your supper!

So you can starve now, huh?

[grunting]

[panting]

[yelling in frustration]

[Gerald] This is an old graveyard.

Rainy season's due.

Yeah.

So is my period.

Five weeks ago.

Oh, shit! [Scoffs]

That's all I need, isn't it?

[Lucy] No, I can't be pregnant.

I can't.

No. Forget it. Forget it.

[singing] d Them bones them bones d

d Ham bones Them bones them... A'

[grunts weakly]

I can't grow things without water!

[sobbing]

[Lucy screaming]

'Lou! {groaning}

Lou, what's happened?

- [retching] - What's the matter?

[Lucy coughing]

What's the matter, baby?

[sobbing] I ate this.

Lots of them. Ate them!

What are they?

[yelling] What are they?

Oh, God, oh, Gerald.

Hurts... It hurts...

What, baby?

[retches]

Lucy, look, this is it. The Leichhardt

or MacKenzie bean, first mentioned by blah, blah, blah...

Produces thick coffee substitute.

Whole bean is edible,

and nutritious when boiled, but

extremely poisonous in the raw state.

- If poisoning occurs... - [groaning]

[flies buzzing]

[both breathing weakly]

[distant rumbling]

[bird screeching]

[indistinct chatter]

[Gerald] Jesus Christ! Sorry.

If we had come a week later...

God is to be thanked for it.

There we are. Almost there.

Let's look at your leg.

Now, Mr. Kingsland,

what was your intention in the event that your good wife

became pregnant here on this island?

Well, you see, my wife and I...

You don't need a medical degree

to diagnose serious malnutrition.

I assume her periods stopped some time ago?

Well, that could have been my wife's...

You were both very, very fortunate.

Let me look at this.

Bloody lucky.

[Gerald laughing]

And don't take it neat now.

It tastes much better with a drop of water.

[Gerald] Uh, Sister?

Now, you be sure and take this course of antibiotics

six times a day.

And the vitamin course for at least a month.

And you be sure you come to the surgery on Badu, Mr. Kingsland.

Yes, that'll be a date, Sister.

Now, we will give thanks where thanks are due, Sister.

[Gerald] What have we got in here now? Look at this.

[Gerald mimicking a chicken]

[blows]

- [children laughing] - [Gerald clucking]

[sisters] He is too piously

fearful that will not trust in God so powerful.

Got a spanner?

Must be the car by.

What were you two gossiping about then?

- Horses. - [scoffs] Horses.

Yes, Sister St. Winifred and I were...

We're both... We loved horses.

Oh, yes. I used to like dancing.

Tell me. I suppose you're, um...

Well, are you both...

What I mean is, are you fully qualified?

I'm a state registered nurse.

No, I... I meant as a nun.

Sister St. Winifred...

[engine revs]

[Gerald laughing]

You very clever man, Mr. Gerald.

[speaking native language]

[exclaims]

Okay, I bring you more food,

more work for you, sir.

Plenty motors on Badu do not work.

You'll see. Yeah, Mr. Gerald.

You'll see, Mr. Gerald. You'll see. [Laughs]

[Gerald speaking drunkenly] Do you know they're so nice.

They are so goddamn nice.

They're so kind and generous

and simple and helpful and friendly and...

God. I love that rice wine,

I think it's great.

Do you know, they want me to mend their old tractor next week?

And then the council asked me

whether I'd look at their air conditioning system.

[Lucy] I wish you wouldn't.

[Gerald] Wish I wouldn't what?

[Lucy] Nothing.

[Gerald] You wish I wouldn't nothing?

And that's after all the bollockings I get

for doing sod-all all the time.

That shows the logic of women, huh? [laughing]

[thunder rumbling]

[man on radio] Well, for them people who are listening

for Torres Strait Radio at the moment,

I'll give you the weather details.

Eastern Gulf, South Eastern Gulf seas

will be smooth to slight.

North-east winds ego blow lo ten knots.

Now for them people who're gonna take use of the weather

with a blooper over the weekend,

happy sailing for them people.

We'll go there with a song...

[Gerald imitating announcer] The rainy season is welcomed by the natives of Tuin.

Bringing as it does, despair, damp, cold, damage.

And too much bloody water!

[song playing over radio]

Do you know this is the story of my life, Lucy.

This whole damn thing!

[waves crashing]

[rain pattering heavily]

[amusing music playing]

Yeah!

Here we are. For you.

I'm not hungry, thanks.

No, no, you're not, are you?

Lou, stay and have a chat.

You're good company.

When you're not over on Badu.

Uh-huh.

You could always come. They've asked often enough.

No.

Lou, I know what this last year's meant to you.

On Tuin with...

With me and...

But that year is going to be over soon, Lou.

What are you going to do then? Hmm?

I don't know.

[Ronald] Mr. Gerald!

Mr. Gerald!

Ronnie!

He's early and I haven't even finished that yet.

Ronnie boy! [Exclaims]

- I wish Tuin and me... I wish... - [Gerald] Ronnie! Ron!

[Gerald laughing]

[Lucy] I wish we could...

[Ronald] Mr. Gerald!

- [Gerald] Ronnie! - [Ronald] Mr. Gerald!

[soft music playing]

[Lucy] I don't know what's happening to me.

[Gerald] Be back in the morning, Lou!

Over the last few weeks,

I've changed inside and out with such rapidity

that I feel...

I feel nothing to hold on to any longer

that I recognise as being me.

It's so good to see G's confidence

and self-respect returning.

I never really knew him when he was not down.

But now I can see the reality of the kind of man he has,

up to now, only talked of being.

He's so absorbed that he's almost forgotten

to remind me of the uselessness

of being a cunt that doesn't fuck.

But not quite.

Not quite.

[gunshofl

[chuckles softly]

[chuckles softly]

[indistinct conversation]

[Gerald] Bye. I'll see you in a few days.

[engine revs]

Bye!

[Ronald] Bye, Gerald, bye.

Hello.

You should come with me next time, Lou.

They'll make you feel like a princess.

- Ah. - Oh.

I'm sorry. I spent a day longer than I intended to.

I simply couldn't get things finished.

They're remarkable people, you know, Lou.

All remarkable people.

You should hear what Ronald says about you.

Makes Jayne Mansfield seem like a dowdy old frump!

Who's Jayne Mansfield?

See what I caught us for supper?

A-ha.

And look what I bought us for supper.

- Gerald... - Uh-huh?

Who am I?

Oh, Lucy.

I have been working hard on Badu.

And I am tired.

And I am very, very happy,

to be back here with you, okay?

Lucy Irvine, yes?

Lucy Shit!

Lucy Kingsland, if you like.

Girl.

Woman. Adventurer.

Daughter. Survivor, even!

But Gerald... Gerald, the one thing I'm not...

The one thing I really am not

is a mechanic's wife!

And that is what you're making me!

We came here to survive, Gerald, didn't we?

I mean, you know, live off the island.

And use our wits and our skill and our ingenuity.

Oh, Gerald, you're not even here any longer.

You're on Badu getting pissed or laid or something.

Lucy, I have been over there three or five times...

And when you... When you are here,

What have we got? We've got a bloody garden suburb!

Where people bring their lawnmowers to get fixed!

Oh, Gerald!

You've reduced us to...

It's over! Everything we

talked about and planned and hoped for

and tried to live is finished.

Finished with the frozen sodding chicken!

This is months old!

I like that newspaper.

[scoffs]

- That's wonderful. - What?

The light.

[laughing]

Oh, Gerald, Gerald, I'm so sorry.

It's just two days alone.

And last week as well, I...

Yeah, that, too.

I mean, it's as if Tuin and I aren't enough.

It's not like that, Lucy.

I'm sorry I got so angry, I...

Well, well, maybe, maybe it is like that.

Maybe here, on this island I mean...

You and I

maybe if there was some sex here,

then I wouldn't have to keep on buggering off like that, would I?

Yes.

Yes.

That's what you want?

[laughing]

Oh, do excuse my hollow laughter, won't you?

That's what you'd like to see?

Lucy, what I would like to see right now,

is nothing better than you lying flat on your back

with your hands behind your head being given one.

Like every other woman in the world

including some members of the royal family.

- Do you understand? - [laughing]

- Oh, Gerald. - [laughs]

Does that mean yes?

Yes. If pigs could fly, it does.

Gerald?

Hmm?

Would sir like Rosie to prepare his bath?

Oh, Lucy...

Begging your pardon, sir, but it's Rosie.

Oh.

Ooh, sir, I see you are a gentleman,

'cause a gentleman always stands when a lady enters.

Lucy, don't.

I thought you said you fancied me lately.

It doesn't change what was said.

It doesn't cancel the past.

It's just what happens now.

Lucy, this is unfair.

I want to finish this year on Tuin, G.

I want to finish it. Just us. Together.

Stay on the island.

Don't go to Badu.

Stay here on Tum.

Make love every night.

Make love to our island.

Stay here.

Okay?

No more leaving.

- No more Badu... - No.

No more leaving Tuin, not till it's time, hmm?

Okay?

- Okay? - Hmm.

No more...

No more leaving.

- Okay? - Okay_.

- Okay? - Yes.

- Yes? - Yeah.

- Okay? - Yeah.

- No more Badu. - No.

[Lucy] Okay?

- _Qkay? Stay. - Okay.

- On Tuin. - Ah.

Stay, okay?

Okay?

Lucy! You're...

You're... You're selling yourself!

[Lucy moaning]

You're a whore!

[Lucy] You want what I want.

[Gerald] Yes.

[Lucy] So what's new in the world?

- Okay? - Yes.

[bird squawking]

[birds screeching]

[thunder rumbling]

Lucy, come here! Lucy! Lucy, come here!

Come here, will you?

Gerald, I need some light in here.

My diary's blowing everywhere!

Oh, Lucy!

[LUCY] Oh my God My papers!

[Lucy] My diary's ruined!

For Christ's sake, Gerald!

A statue of a goat would look sexy to you right now!

Help me!

We had a deal, Lucy!

Not in the middle of a bloody hurricane!

Show me where it says not in the middle of a storm!

Go on, show me!

Show me where it says not in a hurricane!

I don't want to, Gerald.

- Show me. - No. Oh, no.

Grant me that, Gerald!

Whores have rights!

- [both gasping] - Time, Lucy. Time.

- We haven't got time. - Yes!

- Only a few days... - Yes.

Now is good.

- Now it's right for both of us! - Yes!

Gerald! God... [moans]

Time is running out!

[Lucy exclaiming]

[man speaking native language]

[indistinct chatter]

Lucy

Lou, I think somebody's coming.

Mmm?

[people speaking native language]

[Gerald] Mm? Hey.

Lucy?

[speaking native language]

My God!

Hello.

Everything all very tidy here.

All them things on Badu fixed up for you now.

[Proper workshop for you, Mr. [Gerald, all fixed up. Laughs]

Ronnie, old son, don't tell me you've come here

and you've taken everything?

Hmm?

[Lucy] Ronnie, we're not finished!

Finished?

On Tuin. Our year isn't finished until, um...

September, Lou.

September, the 16th.

That was last month.

No. No. It's only...

October.

Lou, we've been on Tum for a year.

We've been on Tuin a year, Lou.

[sighs]

Oh, Lou...

Oh, God.

Hey! Mr. Gerald. Mr. Gerald!

Hello, Mr. Gerald! Mr. Gerald.

Look what we have for you!

Workshop for you, Mr. Gerald!

[Look. Laughs] You like?

Yeah. I think it's great.

Great!

Be kind to my mistakes.

Lou.

Live happy

Hmm?

Right! Back to work!

[whirring]

[sniffling]

[laughing]

[slow instrumental music playing]