Original subtitles

Good evening, and welcome back to the 2016 presidential debate.

Representing the Republican Party is billionaire real estate mogul and

television star Donald Drumpf.

Representing the Democratic Party is former New York Senator and Secretary of

State Hillary Clayton.

As previously stated, each party will have 30 seconds to respond and 30

for rebuttal. Mr. Drumpf, the floor is yours.

I will build a wall.

It'll be a beautiful wall.

And Mexico?

Mexico will pay for it.

There he goes.

This is the same divisive rhetoric that is tearing

our good country apart.

That is not what our country needs. And when I am voted president

of this United States, that is not what my presidency will be about.

America never wins anymore.

I mean, let's face it.

I've got a lot of friends in China. I was in China last week. I was having dim

sum. I love China. China's great. I have tons of friends.

But my opponent over here?

She couldn't care less.

Excuse me.

I care.

I care.

I know that I care.

And the American people know that I care.

How can she be president? I mean, really now. Come on.

Look at her.

Look at that face.

What?

What?

Did I say something wrong? I mean, listen, listen.

Listen, I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy. I am. I'm nice. People like me.

Is anyone surprised by what this rude,

ignorant, and I'll say it, short -fingered

Bulgarian says?

Excuse me. I mean.

Excuse me. We have seen it over.

and over and over again throughout this election cycle.

Excuse me. I mean, really, really, look at these hands.

Do they look small to you?

Look at these hands.

The American people, Donald, know that you do indeed have

small hands.

And you know what the American people say about men who have small hands.

No.

No, I don't. I'm curious.

What is it that they say, Hillary? What is it they say about men with small

hands? I'll tell you.

America.

America says that men who have small hands

have small penises.

Is that so?

Excuse me, moderator. Is he allowed to do this?

Mr. Dunn, please. You're going to have to return to your podium.

No, no, no.

It's okay.

I'm going to make her eat her words.

What do you think of this, huh, Hillary?

What do you think?

For God's sake, Donald, get a hold of yourself.

Mr. Drumpf, put your goddamn cock away.

You see, folks, she's a prude. There's zero interest.

Zero, I tell you. Zero interest in the cock.

Mr. Drumpf?

Secretary Clayton, you are both going to need to calm down.

Is that what you think, Donald?

Is that what you think?

See, folks, she has zero interest in the cock.

You know what it is?

She hates men.

You think I'm afraid of dick?

I have had more dick.

in more countries than any other Secretary of State this fine United

States of America has ever had.

Oh, really?

I don't believe that for one bit. I mean, really. You won't even look at my

cock. I mean, look at my cock.

It's magnificent.

Look at it.

You don't see cock like this every day.

I mean, my friends from all over the world, they can't wait to see my cock.

Every time I sit down, they say, Donald, Donald, pull it out. Let's take a look

at your cock.

It's magnificent. It's one of a kind.

I mean, people, they always want to see my cock.

It's ridiculous.

So I'll tell you what.

Honestly, take a look at it.

Treat yourself.

I'm going to do more for the American people than just look at your cock.

That's right.

That's right. Today, I'm going to dick that cock in my mouth.

Put those softball hands on there.

Don't be ridiculous. I play lacrosse.

We know. We know.

Oh, suck your balls from America.

I'll take it.

I'll take one for the American people.

I will win this debate.

Wow.

um um um

Oh, I thought you were a woman here.

Why don't you fuck your face, my face, like you are and show me.

This country was built on hardworking people.

And that's what I stand for.

That's how you're going to beat your opponent?

I think Americans know the hard -working president when they see one.

Thank you.

Is this all you're good for, just standing around, letting other people do

work for you?

See this, America?

You know, Hillary, I see you like to talk, but words are difficult from you.

know, I'm highly educated.

I went to the best Ivy League schools.

You don't know as many words as I do. I'm good with words.

Words are what I do. I do words. I'm a word man.

Now, we'll see who the very best

candidate is.

America's seen how I suck cock.

Let's see how you eat some pussy.

Oh man, how did my pussy come from America?

Oh yeah.

Not bad.

You don't want to put your head on the ground. I'm afraid your weave will fall

off.

I assure you, my hair is 100 % real. Oh, really?

I just run my fingers through it. What do you think of that?

Tastes like victory, doesn't it?

to get your face gloppy.

Oh, how about this?

Oh, yeah.

I'll put you to work.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's what Mrs. Clayton needs.

Oh.

One way to shut up, Donald.

Nice, democratic, Clintonist face.

Let's see how hard you'll work for your country.

Oh, yeah.

See, this is called multitasking.

An amazing quality in your leader.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, I'm not going to ask that.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, you speak that.

Oh, yeah, I make the Republican Party proud.

And how amazing it looks in my pantsuits.

Let's see if I can put that nice cock to work.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

figure to the American people.

Let them really know what they're voting for.

Oh yeah, for a fucking candidate who's ready to work hard for her people.

I'm going to work it for you.

Nice and fucking slow.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Show the American people what you're made of.

Oh, yes.

Oh, fuck.

I don't have to stare at your face.

country no matter where they're from.

Oh, I got a lot of money.

I can hire someone to smack you.

That's because you don't know how to do the work yourself.

Thank you.

Is this what you want to show to the American people?

Lady.

Rich man.

I want the American people to say, I'm a good businessman.

Why do the work when I can get someone else to do it for me?

That's what good business is.

Hardworking people.

That's what America's all about.

You one percenters.

You can't relate to the people.

Why

don't

you lay down here and look back in your china, I mean vagina.

Yeah?

Put it in.

That's right.

Surely I'm wrecking people how lazy you are.

You don't want to fuck too hard or too pale.

It's real.

Look, look, it's real, right? It's real.

big American tits, which are also real.

Are you going to do me on the podium?

Do you deserve it?

Oh, Mia, take it off.

Yeah. Yeah, get in there.

For a second I thought you were gonna put it in my ass.

I'm a nice guy. I'm a nice guy.

Give a reach around. I'm a nice fucking guy. People like me. Yeah, people like

you.

that fucking come from America.

never tasted a Republican before.

See that, America?

I'm willing to do what it takes.

And I get the job done every time.

God.

Well, there you have it, folks.

Another 2016 presidential debate.

Thank you so much for joining us, and God bless America.

I will build a wall.

It'll be a beautiful wall.

And Mexico?

Mexico will pay for it.

Yes, that's good, Dad. Show her who's the boss.

Yes.

America never wins anymore.

I mean, let's face it.

We're getting killed by China.

And I love China. I mean, I've got a lot of friends in China.

That's good, Dad. That's good.

Good point, Dad.

Oh my God, you're doing so well. I'm so proud of you, Dad.

How could she be president?

I mean, really now. Come on.

Look at her.

Look at that face.

Even her husband cheated on her. I mean, come on.

Oh, this debate is so exciting.

I live for this stuff.

Excuse me, moderator. Is he allowed to do this?

Yeah. Dad?

Dad, today is a historic day, America.

I'm going to prove that I am not a lesbian, nor am I afraid of cock.

Dad, what are you doing? Oh, my God.

Dad!

Oh, my God.

Ivanka, are you all right?

Are you all right? I need a doctor.

We need a doctor.

Is there a doctor here?

The doctor.

I'm not a doctor.

Dr. Ben Carter.

Amen.

Just put her on the couch now, man.

She gonna be okay?

Oh, don't worry.

I'm a retired neurosurgeon.

I'll have Ms. Drunk back on her knees in no time.

Well, okay.

Dr. Carter.

Hello, Varka.

Oh, my God.

The last thing I remember was my dad debating that terrible Clayton woman.

And then... You had quite a scare.

You know, Dr.

Carter, you've always been so kind to me.

I've always admired you.

You know, your father promised me a position in cabinet if I endorsed him.

But that's not the position I want.

Really?

I don't know if you knew this, but Joseph built a pyramid to store grain.

Dr.

Carter.

I'm so excited for this. Are you?

Yeah. I'm excited that you're excited.

Why don't I whip these out?

Those are magnificent.

You like these? Yeah.

Yes,

Dr. Carter.

I'll endorse these.

Oh, yes, please.

I always wanted you to see that.

Let's see what

you're working with, Dr. Carter.

Yeah.

Don't you just love politics?

Oh,

that

feels so good.

It feels so good.

You got me so happy.

Here, I could please you.

You have to suck that dick just like that. I like it when you say my name and

it again.

Dr.

Carter, you're so naughty.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I love it when you suck that dick. Yeah. Yes. And them balls.

Oh, yes.

The balls are feeling so great.

You got my dick so amped up right now.

So generous with your dick, Dr.

Carter.

Oh

my.

Oh, that feels amazing.

Why don't you take these off?

Get more comfortable.

Yeah,

sit right there.

It's actually good right here.

Yeah. I'm not done yet.

Oh,

yes.

I like the way that mouth feels. Yeah, you like it?

Can I double fist that beautiful? Yeah.

Just like that.

Yes, just like that.

You know, I don't mean to

be selfish, but I do want your lips on my pussy a little bit.

What do you think?

I could do that. Yeah.

Yes, please.

I want to kill us when that's gone.

your dick because i know you want to stick it in there huh

Carter dick in my pussy.

Do you want to give it to me? I do.

Okay. Follow me, please.

Yes, Dr.

Carter. Eat that booty like groceries.

I don't know how you dance from somewhere before.

Just take it in, please.

Please.

Get some of that Ivanka pussy.

Yeah. Yeah.

Uh. Uh. Oh, fuck.

Uh? Yes.

Oh. Oh, shit.

Fucking murder.

Take off this.

good to me, Dr. Carter.

I never thought you'd get to fuck my ass

ass? Yes, Dr. Carter.

Both fucking deep in the ass.

Let

me

taste it before I hop on back on.

I like me a freak. It tastes like coconut oil.

That feels so amazing.

You ready for some more ass?

Oh, I'm so excited.

Oh, shit.

Oh, fuck.

How's your dick? It's so fucking long.

just like Dirty Pops.

Talk dirty to me.

I'll show that.

Yeah, Dr. Carter.

Yes, Dr.

Carter. Talk dirty to me.

I talk dirty all the time.

I love being an asshole like this.

Look at that ass.

It's one of the most amazing asses I've ever seen.

Dr. Carter, why don't you get undressed and we'll head on over to that lovely

couch.

We can do that.

We're

going

to make a fine political team.

Yes, we will.

Dr. Carter, I must ask, why is it that you always do this with your hands?

I'm just always so happy.

Oh, good to know.

And I can tell you're very happy right now. Yeah.

I haven't been this excited since my first marriage.

Well, I'm very happy you're here today.

Fucking my ass.

Just don't tell my dad.

Oh no.

Don't worry about that.

I think I'm ready for some more.

Fill that ass up with your beautiful dick.

I love seeing you this happy.

Yeah. Let me taste it.

Yeah.

Yeah, fuck that ass.

Yes, please.

Get it.

Get you some.

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah.

You like that?

I do.

Yeah.

What would you say if I offered my ass to you even to...

Like what if I said cum in my ass?

I would say that gets me very happy.

Then you may do it anytime you want.

I want you to fill my asshole with your cum.

Yes.

I want you to fuck me like the little slut that I am.

Cum inside of my ass.

Yeah.

Just the way I like it. Just the way I like it.

Thank you, Dr. Carter.

Thank you for that delicious cum.

I'll never forget it.

Thank you.

I think it's time for my nap.

Okay.

Hey guys, I just want to make sure everything was okay.

Where's Ivanka?

What?

Take two aspirin and call

me in the morning.

Somebody tell Hillary to stop taking the bait every time they bring up the

email.

It's embarrassing.

You know, back when I was president, no one pushed me around like this.

Yeah, two terms, baby.

Two terms.

Well...

Well, I have no idea where Mrs. Drumpf is.

You think I keep track of all the beautiful women in this country?

I don't got that kind of power anymore.

Well, Dave, I tell you what.

I got to get going now. I got something going on.

Okay. All right.

You take care.

That's how you like it, Mr. President?

I haven't been this hurt in the lifetime I've been the Oval Office.

My pussy has not been that wet since I married him.

What?

Well, it's two, not just the mainland, baby. Oh, yeah.

They taste in charge, don't they?

I think I can take you to balls in my mouth.

Oh, fuck.

I've heard my balls are bigger than the deficit.

Proud of that.

I think I'm going to bring that to dinner with my husband.

He's going to laugh.

I hope he does.

Not often somebody gets to drag around the leader of the free world, the former

leader of the free world like that.

All right, I can do rough.

I can do rough.

Oh, my.

Do you like those big feet?

I do.

You are one fine, important... I'm going to kick that in your face, Mr.

President.

Does your wife do that to you?

Hillary? No, no, no.

Yeah, I think she is your wife, no?

On the TV, like.

She never does that to you, Mr. President.

Oh, my.

Oh, there you go.

It's like a global warming there.

Climate change is real.

Well, things can even get warmer.

Yeah.

And when the planet is getting warmer, it's also getting more wet.

Oh, it certainly is.

Yeah, you're going to do something for that, Mr. President.

Have our own little missile crashes here, aren't we?

Oh, fucking nice caca.

Rub it through there, yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck yeah.

That is diplomacy.

Let's get this baby.

Oh, I'm so dizzy. I'm so dizzy.

Bring that leg up there.

I'm on my way around the desk.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Keep going.

Yeah. Oh, my God. This is so good. That's nice hair.

Nice fucking real hair. You have no idea.

100 % natural American hair.

Put that fucking president tongue in my ass.

Yeah.

That foreign policy there.

Oh, yeah, you're putting a missive inside of me.

Right here, right now.

Your pain, girl.

You know I like it, huh?

And the other one, too.

Let's see.

I want to fuck my European ass. Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh. Oh, my God, Mr.

Poseidon. Your cup is so big.

Don't put it down. You're doing so fucking good.

It's condolences.

Oof.

Fuck my butt every day.

That's a tall order, Miss.

That's a young, wily bitch to win.

Well, you should have plenty of time for this, then. Yes.

Yes, Mr. President.

I guess if old Pantsuit was in office, there wouldn't be plenty of people

looking at me.

Dirty boy.

Dirty boy.

You like that?

You like to put me in my pussy and in my ass?

Oh, fuck.

Oh,

fuck. Oh, yes, yes.

Oh,

my God, Mr. President.

Oh, fuck you.

Oh, God.

You know, my husband, he cannot even get hard enough to fuck in my ass. He has

to do only my pussy.

Oh, we'll take care of that for you, baby.

Okay. Yeah, Mr. President. I'll be your president.

You big balls.

Oh, Mr. President.

I'll show you.

I'm going to stick my presidential rod right between those big boobies.

I'm going to plug those big tits.

Mr. President, you're plugging those big tits.

Yeah.

Oh, Mr. President, what are you doing?

Oh, yeah.

You're deliberating between your breath there.

Oh, yeah.

I'm sure we can all work together.

Oh, fuck, we're so pussy, and I love it.

Yeah.

Let me see that tongue reach.

Fuck, yeah.

Let me see your skin.

Let me see your skin.

Very good.

put your mouth right back up on there oh fuck yeah

Yes, I do.

You're going to put it to my ass?

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

Yay.

they come in United States to get fucked in the ass.

Oh, yeah? Yeah, it could be like that.

Mr. President, you have the best dick in America.

you open the

Let me see my little ugly pretty face.

Just keep it between me and you.

My fellow Americans.

This afternoon, in this office, on this very desk, I did

have sexual relations with a very special woman.

I did.

Not only did I have relations inside of her vagina, but also...

In the back door.

Most certainly did in the back door.

I haven't had ass like this since before I met my wife.

That's a long time.

And I'd do it again in America, I would.

What do you say we go out and get some chicken wings?

Good place down the street.

Take care, America.

Yes, ma 'am.

What are we doing here anyways?

I have a victory speech to prepare. And let me tell you, it's going to be so

fantastic. It's going to be the best victory speech that the great Americans

have ever heard.

Oh, seriously.

I won this election by landslide.

You're a loser.

Loser?

Oh, hello.

You're both here.

Thank you both for waiting.

With all due respect, Mr.

President, what are we both doing here?

Exactly. This is my office now. I've won. The two of you need to beat it

because you were both losers.

Well, it turns out we have a bit of a problem.

I don't know. What is it, Mr. President?

Spit it out, dummy.

Well, as it turns out, I got the election results here.

And, uh... It's a tie.

No.

That is not true. That is impossible.

She is a liar.

You are a liar.

And you are both losers.

There is no way that I have lost because all I have ever done is win.

I demand a rematch.

A rematch.

Well, now, now, Mr. Trump, Hillary, both of you, calm the fuck down.

All right?

It turns out I have a solution to this problem.

Now, what's going to happen right now is both of you guys are going to make love

to my lovely wife, Michelle, or not?

And whoever's better at fucking wins the presidency.

Excuse me.

I am the best at lovemaking.

I am so fantastic.

And I can eat the pussy as well.

I'm incredible at eating the pussy.

I will take care of you, Michelle.

Excuse me.

Mr. President, you just grabbed her.

You just grabbed.

Her by the... By the vajayjay.

I am the best at fucking.

I am so fantastic at fucking.

They talk about it in China.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure your cock is huge.

Come on.

Come on.

It's okay.

I'm going to eat her pussy. And I'm going to eat her pussy better than

ever eaten her pussy.

Just can't be serious.

Mr. Trump, observe.

Just grab me by the... Grab her by the pussy. Grab her by the pussy. Of course

she won't do it. She's so crooked. She's a chicken.

You know what?

Down.

Down.

Literally.

A little presidential humor.

What is it, Andrew?

I'm so good.

I know, I'm fantastic.

Don't lie to me, Michelle.

You're right.

Contrary to the rumors, blacks do eat pussy. I'll just have you know.

Wait, wait.

You're black?

Half and half.

I wouldn't be pretentious otherwise.

I don't know if pussy's all the same, though.

I'm sad.

I'm sad.

Thank you.

Make it easy to punch.

I'd never be president that way.

Bad secretary.

Bad secretary.

Oh, yeah.

No more Bengals.

so good with his face. He does.

Jesus Christ.

It's going to be amazing.

That's it.

That's it.

All right, the evidence.

Here's a concoction.

I

love

women. I love women.

Grab him by the pussy.

Women around the world love me. I think I'm terrific.

Not so much.

I love your mother.

Speaking of pussy, I want to get back in.

Oh my God.

I'm going to out -fuck you.

We'll see who gets to be president.

He's a liar.

Oh, yeah?

Come on in.

Oh,

yeah, you see that?

Smack me like a fucking man.

That's not a winner. Smash his ass.

bigger than I thought it'd be.

I'm

still

gonna win.

Oh, fuck you.

That's a good one. That's right. Nice and deep. That was crazy.

Yes. That's a good one.

Oh, my

God.

Oh,

my God.

Yes, yes.

Like that.

Like that.

Don't tell me you're the sniffles.

Yes.

The Clintons are a dynasty.

I'll out -fuck you any day.

Hi, wifey. Hello.

Isn't that fucking?

Yes.

I'll show you fucking.

Look at your wife.

Fucking mistress.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my

God.

Give it to him. Give it to him. Give it to him.

Show him how we do it.

Show him how we do it.

Show him how we do it. Show him how we do it.

Show him how we do it.

If you can't please a man, how do you plan to please this country?

You're pretty pleased to me.

Your oral skills in the oral office are excellent.

Thank you, Mr. Trump.

The Claytons are well -versed in oral skills in the oral

office.

Thank you.

Oh, my. It's you, Mr. Slump.

Grace is here for a good walk.

It was cold.

Cold for a minute.

It's time for a change, America.

Yes, it is.

It's time for a change. Hope and change.

It's beautiful.

It's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's time for a change of heart. I think

so.

You're going to lose some boulders over this, Mr. Stone.

Okay.

Oh, fuck.

Yeah,

yeah, yeah. Yeah, just fucking like that. Always.

Fuck.

Call the people.

Call the people.

Oh, yes.

Oh, God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, yes,

sir.

Okay, good.

Oh, my God. Yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, my God.

Fuck. Oh.

Yeah. But you didn't know. I didn't know. That I like to play.

I did. I did.

Your hair looks better.

What did you do?

Oh, my God.

Get that tie off.

I'm your mother. I know.

I should be so proud.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God.

I love you.

I love you. I miss you.

I miss you already.

I miss you more.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Ready to come, Mr. President?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Long sequences.

Yes, yes.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

Oh, my goodness.

So, who won?

I did. No contest.

Hold it, hold it.

Here's the simple truth.

1 % of the penises in this country are getting 90 % of the pussy.

The pussy is being stooped by a small handful of millionaires and

In my view, it's time for a fair America.

What the hell was that?

Uh, Bernie here is the next president of the United States.

Well, then why did you... What?

Well, Michelle and I, we just wanted to get freaky in the Oval Office one last

time. Isn't that right, honey?

We sure do.

Now, if you jerks don't mind, get the fuck out of my office.

Huh.