Original subtitles

Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show!

That's right!

Oh, yeah.

Well, guys, right now, we're experiencing a major cold snap. It is

New York City.

Whew! This morning, my face was so frozen, I kept getting mistaken for one

the real housewives.

Seriously, it's so cold, even straight hockey players are spooning. You know,

that's how cold it is. Whoa!

It's so cold, Al Roker said he walked into Benihana and squatted over an onion

volcano. What is he talking?

What is he talking?

That's cold.

Meanwhile, it's also freezing in Washington, D .C. It is so cold, all the

animals on Trump's cognitive test were Arctic -themed.

Polar bear, penguin, walrus.

Walrus.

It's so cold, Trump traded his Nobel Peace Prize for a Hot Pocket.

It's so cold, Trump said, forget Greenland, we're invading Cancun.

It's so cold, Trump styled his hair into a hat with the ear flaps.

Speaking of Trump, today marks the

one -year anniversary of him taking office for his second term.

It's amazing, just one year ago we thought renaming the Gulf of Mexico

the craziest thing he does.

Today marks the one full year since Trump took office, so we thought we'd

look back at everything Trump has done this year. Here we go.

Wow,

what a crazy year.

That was just last week.

Did you guys see this? Last night, Trump posted a private text message from

French President Emmanuel Macron that said, I do not understand what you were

doing on Greenland.

Then Trump threatened Macron, saying they'll put a 50 % tariff on all Emilys

living in Paris.

I saw that a new poll found that only 6 % of Americans are satisfied with how

many of the Epstein files have been released so far.

Here now to talk about this is a pollster who works for the Trump White

Stephen Hunter. Welcome to the show, Stephen.

Great to be here, Jimmy.

So, how are you feeling about this new poll?

We've never felt better.

Seriously? Oh, definitely.

I mean, think about it. If you take 6 % and round up, you're at 10%, which is

halfway to 20%, which, as everyone knows, is basically 25%.

So that means one in four Americans are satisfied.

Another win for the Trump presidency.

Hang on. That math is a little confusing.

I don't think so.

Six becomes ten. Ten is half a twenty. Then you're at twenty -five. Then when

you round up, you're at fifty percent. That means one in two people are

satisfied. Booyah!

That's not accurate. The number released is six percent.

Sure, but this poll had a ninety -four percent margin of error.

Which means that 6 % instantly becomes 100%, so everyone is satisfied.

Stop doing that. Stop.

Jimmy, I'm sorry. You're not a numbers guy.

I don't think you are either.

Okay, okay. Let me take this slow for you. The number reported is six.

That could easily be incorrectly flipped and actually be a nine, which rounds to

ten. Then you carry the one. What one?

That becomes eleven.

That's one away from twelve, and twelve is a dozen, which Americans love. We're

talking eggs, donuts, juries, all very patriotic things.

And if twelve people are satisfied, that's basically a full table at a

restaurant. And who doesn't love to eat? I mean, come on.

What are you talking about?

This is all basic math.

I mean, this is what I studied in college.

Where did you go to college?

Trump University.

Okay, there you go. Trump culture, everybody.

T -U.

T -U. We're going to sue you. We're going to sue you.

T -U. T -U.

He's still here. Thank you. All right.

Switching gears, I want to say congrats to the Indiana Hoosiers for beating the

Miami Hurricanes and winning their first national championship.

Wow, great game.

What a game.

Indiana announced that they will celebrate this Saturday in Bloomington,

Indiana. They're in Miami, and they're like, nope, we got to go where the party

is. Bloomington, Indiana.

Well, get this. I saw the company that built the Las Vegas Sphere announced

plans to build a smaller version in the D .C. area.

Actually, I heard that they might get two of them, but I think the placement

a little weird.

I just think it's just...

I don't think they should. That's awful.

I wouldn't do it.

Don't do it. I wouldn't do it. And they're blue?

No, I wouldn't do it.

They have to be blue?

Wow.

Family show. I don't think they're blue.

And finally, I read that Magic Mike Live is coming to New York City.

All the performers were like, hey, could you come see the show when it's a

little warmer out? We have a great show. Give it up for The Roots, everybody.

Oh, thank you very much. What a show we have for you tonight. He's a giant movie

star who you can see in the National Geographic series Poll to Poll, which is

the number one trending series right now on Disney+. Will Smith is here tonight!

Yeah!

She is a New York Times best -selling author whose new book Half His Age is

now. Jeanette McCurdy is joining us.

Love Jeanette McCurdy.

She's awesome.

And he's a starting guard for the New York Knicks. Josh Hart is here tonight!

Go, New York!

And one of my favorite bands. I'm so psyched here. They have great new music.

The Lemonheads are...

Fantastic. I had a good night last night.

I went to Molly's Pub over there on 3rd Avenue. I had a couple of beers,

watching the game. We were singing.

It got me thinking. I love nothing more than I love than a good old -fashioned

Irish drinking song that everyone can sing along to.

And I thought that tonight, with all of you, it could be kind of fun. Let's do

one here. It's time for the Tonight Show drinking song. Here we go.

Tonight Show drinking song.

Tonight Show drinking song.

I want everyone to sing along. You ready?

Here we go. The football playoffs started. They're already so fun. Whether

college or the NFL, I bet on everyone.

Well, drafting makes it easy. I can bet right from the phone. And when I go and

lose it all, they come and take me home. Oh, hey -ho, tonight's show.

Upsy -daisy, down she goes. Hey -ho, tonight's show. Upsy -daisy, down she

Cheers! Cheers!

Well...

The Oscars are a -coming, they're the best films of the year. Some of them

us laugh and others filled our eyes with tears. But exactly what they were about

to me, it isn't known. Because I watched them all while scrolling through TikTok

on my phone. Oh, hey -ho, tonight's show, up -de -da -dee -down she goes.

-ho, tonight's show, up -de -da -dee -down she goes.

Cheers!

Here we go.

My wife, she has been distant in her room, she's locked away.

She says she's been reading books, but I sent some things astray. She must think

that I am a fool and I can plainly see that she's binging every episode of

Heated Rivalry. Oh, hey -ho, tonight's show. Upsy -daisy, down she goes. Hey

-ho, tonight's show. Upsy -daisy, down she goes.

Cheers!

Thanks for singing with me. Stick around. We'll be right back with

show, One Shot Jackpot. Come on back, everybody.