All language subtitles for Staycation.2024.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.BZ]

(jazz bass music)

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(character chuckling)

(electronic music)

- You can help me. - Well, my aunt

may have the virus.

(several talking at once)

- [Speaker] That makes sense.

- [News Reporter] Scientists are in a mad scramble

to pinpoint the origin of this novel virus.

Meanwhile, the World Health Organization has confirmed

infections are now present

in all continents, except Antarctica.

(several talking at once)

- [Host] Hello everyone.

Welcome back to "Partnership With the Arts,"

where we talk art.

With me is my lovely co-host, as always, Mary.

- [Mary] Hello and welcome.

- [Host] Right, so we are currently in our studio

following lockdown protocols by CDC.

- [Mary] You know, lucky for us,

it's just a stone's throw away from where we live.

- [Host] Right.

(several talking at once)

- [Rob] Is this virus real?

Or is this a global prank

designed to scare us all before Halloween?

Join me, Rob Peterson,

and find out.

(dramatic music)

- [Interviewer] So you're saying

this will all be over in a year?

- [Subject] It's a good sell.

We cut that time in half, shine up the data,

upsell the effort, and give the media a story.

- [Speaker 1] It'll track well. We can make it work.

- [Speaker 2] I did say this will be over in a year,

maybe sooner.

Good day, gentlemen.

(phone ringing)

(dark music)

(dark music continues)

(dramatic music)

- Today on "Inside Look,"

I'll be speaking with Professor Edward Bellows,

Director of the National Institute

of Allergy and Infectious Diseases,

and lead virologist in this country's medical task force.

Professor Bellows, what are we facing here exactly?

Is this a new strain of the flu?

- Oh, if I had a dollar every time someone asked me that.

It's not the flu virus.

This is new.

The initial symptoms are flu-like,

but after a week or two,

this virus begins to attach itself

to organs outside the respiratory system,

the kidneys, the spleen, the heart,

and that's when we get a symptom shift.

- And what are the new symptoms?

- We're finalizing the studies

and we'll release that information shortly.

- We have reports here of symptoms ranging

from involuntary muscle control to catatonia.

Does the virus affect the brain professor?

- As I said, we will release

our official findings when we can.

- Matt,

Matty?

Can you hear me okay?

- Heaven have mercy, she lives.

- I am so, so sorry, sweetie.

It has been fricking insanity central around here.

I would so cry right now if it wasn't hilarious

in a sad, weird kind of way away.

Were you worried?

- Yeah,

a little bit.

I'm going crazy over here, Cath.

You're not calling me. What's going on?

And, and your text messages have been really weird, and

what are you wearing?

Wait, wait, are you mad, because I forgot.

- No, it's just been pure chaos.

They have block by block testing now

and it's paperwork this and paperwork that.

And then there's the protests and riots.

But those are mainly downtown,

so we just hear about them on the news.

I called, like I said I would.

I get points for that, don't I?

- Yeah, you did.

And you do.

You know,

for a while, I thought

you didn't want to talk to me anymore.

Wait, this isn't a Dear John call, is it?

- No. No, of course not.

Don't say that, Matty.

So they still got you locked up in that castle?

- (chuckling) It's not a castle.

It's, you know, it's more of a mountain resort,

but starting to feel more like a fortress, actually, now.

- They're not letting you out?

- No. Five star service though.

All on the local government's tab.

- Are they feeding you properly?

- Oh, it's miserable.

You know, my euro toast this morning

was buttered only on one side.

Fascists.

But I'd give all of this up for,

for Taco Ted's, in a heartbeat.

- They're gone. (siren blaring)

All of them.

The streets are all cleared out.

Even the brick and mortar places are monitored, 24/7.

I have something that might cheer you up, though.

Also, the reason I called,

other than how much I miss you,

you got this in the mail.

It's not in English.

What is it?

- It's brandy, from the private reserve

of the local principality.

You know, it's fancy stuff, but your Matty got the hookups.

Hold on, I got my own stash.

- Well, this calls-

- For a toast.

- Clink. - Clink.

- The World Health Organization

has recently theorized three origin points,

central Asia, South America, and western Europe.

Can your department confirm this?

- The information as of now, is accurate.

- And this is something that's been mentioned numerous times

by viewers on our program,

and normally I wouldn't entertain such offbeat notions,

but I really feel that it needs to be

put to rest, once and for all.

- Sure, ask away.

- Can you factually state

that this wasn't manufactured in a secret laboratory?

- Miss Baxter, this is nature at its absolute ruthless best.

- Ruthless would suggest intent.

- I apologize.

Nature is a perfect engine of evolution.

Morality is a concept we assign to the world around us.

- Of course.

So I'm assuming the answer is no?

- A more apt answer would've been yes,

but no, this was not made in the lab.

- It's a little strong for a beginner,

but once you've broken in, it's as smooth as silk.

Perfect, isn't it?

- It's kind of bland.

- Bland?

Seriously?

No, really, come on.

What do you really think?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy there, sweetie.

Just, just take a small sip first.

You know, this stuff burns like paint remover,

in a good way.

- It is smooth.

Kind of reminds me of Evian water.

- Did, did, did you just get out

of a big dinner or something?

- No, I haven't eaten all day. Why?

- You haven't eaten?

I don't know.

All of a sudden my Cath is knocking back

old world brandy like it's Gatorade after soccer practice.

- I mean, I don't know what to say.

It tastes like really expensive water.

It's good.

- (sighing) I wanna come home.

You have no idea how much I miss you.

- I want you home.

- Well, surely a breakthrough vaccine

is within the realm of possibility.

I mean, being this country's lead virologist,

isn't it your responsibility

to take the fight to mother nature herself?

I mean, I personally wouldn't underestimate our chances.

- Thank you, my colleagues and I appreciate that.

We are on the front lines fighting

and as of now, we are expending our full resources

just to stop the spread.

- The world is under lockdown.

Most nations have grounded all flights.

Police, and in some countries, soldiers,

are patrolling the streets,

just trying to restore order,

and everyone's doing their part.

Cautious optimism, at least, professor?

- As a scientist, I go by facts

and at present they're not on our side.

If this is a game, the virus is running out the clock.

I wouldn't suggest optimism in this case,

just caution, hope.

And for the antiquated faithful, prayer.

- Perhaps a silver lining awaits us

down the road, Professor.

Thank you for your time. It's been a pleasure.

We'll be right back.

- Hon?

Tell me about the first time that we met.

- This because of the, the turtleneck?

Well, the turtleneck, that's, that's what you wore

the first time we met.

All right.

I'm warning you, I don't tell it as good as you.

I'm gonna ruin the fresco.

- No, you won't.

- Whatever you say.

Someone has to tell the grandkids when granny isn't herself.

So there I was, sitting inside O'Malley's,

all by myself after an app date stood me up,

and you were with some friends.

They were making fun of me,

saying like, I deserved it or something.

And then you scolded them and you walked over,

you asked if the seat across from me was taken.

And I said, "no, it's available."

And then you sat down, you introduced yourself.

You asked me how my night was going.

And I said, I just got stood up,

and I'm just about ready to join the local monastery.

And then you said that not two days ago,

your fiance broke up with you.

And then you asked if there was a,

a convent next to my fictional monastery.

And five minutes into it,

you knew,

talking to this guy,

that it was the best decision you ever made in your life.

I was the luckiest guy that night.

- What else did I say?

- That you spent two years

knowing how wrong a guy was for you,

and five minutes knowing how right one was.

And that was three years ago.

Best three years of my life.

(pensive music)

- Matt,

I need to tell you something.

- That's your secretly a superhero,

with a liver made from dead Irish saints?

- [Director] And we're clear.

(professor exhaling)

(pensive music)

- That bad, huh?

- I have five children, all grown.

I've served under four presidents

and I've been married to the same woman for over 30 years.

I've seen all manner of hell and high water

that would strike the fear of God into most,

but I never thought it would compel me to do this.

(chuckling) Now I see what all the fuss is about.

(dramatic music)

- I got it, Matt.

- You, you got, you got what?

- The virus.

Two weeks ago they ran a test and-

- No?

- I wanted to let you know.

- Why, why didn't you tell me sooner?

- They locked me in a room, Matt.

They took away my phone.

- They took, who was replying to my text messages?

- I don't know, but it wasn't me.

- No, no, no. I, I, I, I got, I got, I gotta get back.

- The doctors did everything that they could,

but nothing worked.

One day, a professor came to see me.

He had been on TV several times, I think,

and he offered me something,

something new he'd been working on.

But he made no promises.

I said yes,

on one condition.

- What?

- That I get to see you again.

(dramatic music)

Remember me as I was.

- Cat, Cat, Cathy?

(dramatic electronic music)

- What? Who, who, who are you guys?

(tense music)

- 20 minutes, 12 seconds.

That's 30 minutes more than (indistinct) record.

That's encouraging, isn't it?

- What's, what's, what's happening?

What, what are you doing? What?

(tense music)

(tense music continues)

Where are you taking her?

Hey!

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

(eerie music)

- My condolences.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

- [Speaker] First thing I did when I got up this morning

was to slip on my velvet tracksuit,

and take a stroll around the neighborhood,

mask up, gloves on, beautiful morning,

blue skies with just the right amount of cloud cover.

This is God's country right in the heart of the city.

(light music)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

- Good morning everyone, except Barry.

Good evening.

- It is past my bedtime.

- We've been doing this for three months, Barry.

- I'm just kidding.

Gosh.

It's actually my dinner time.

- Terry, I thought we weren't allowed to eat?

- Well, you know the rules.

- I'm just finishing up, Boss.

Mm, by the way,

here are the reports you wanted.

- Two days early.

Eat away, Barry. Don't let me stop you.

- Mm mm.

(Barry humming)

(upbeat music)

(upbeat music continues)

(upbeat music continues)

(person humming)

(person humming)

(person humming)

- Hey, is that sake?

- Yeah.

Hot sake.

Oh.

Oh, good for relaxing when you've submitted reports

two days early.

(person humming)

- Oops.

- Marnie.

- Good morning, Terry.

- Morning, Marnie.

Slept well last night?

- Like,

a boulder in Utah.

- That's great.

Okay, since we're ahead, thanks to Barry,

I'd say we all deserve the rest of the day to ourselves.

Good job team.

- Come on Marn, have some shame, will you?

- What? It's just your boss and coworkers.

- Just,

dress appropriately.

- Point taken.

(dark music)

- Meanwhile, the followup from the "Inside Look" interview

with Professor Bellows continues.

- You were saying?

- They deliberately skewed the data to cause global panic.

The numbers are nowhere near what Bellows is claiming.

He's thrown in the towel way too early.

- But what about all those infected?

I've seen 'em, around the mall, the grocery store.

Heck, my brother-in-law is one of 'em.

- No one's claiming it's a hoax.

It's real, and so is the flu,

but enough with the gloom and doom

when the stats don't bear that out.

- Maybe he knows something he's not telling us.

- He's a government stooge.

His job is to tell us everything and anything.

He's just a pessimist that got caught up in his own data.

- I wish everyone shared your optimism.

- More people do share my optimism,

they just don't have the soapbox

the good doctor and myself have,

so they're not being heard.

They need to get out there and tell it like it is.

Things are getting better.

We'll get through this bug in no time.

- Hey, you'll get no rebuttal from me.

- Nor me.

- Polls go up. Polls go down.

Never miscommunication.

No one can explain how it all works.

What's that old adage?

As the polls go, so goes the nation.?

Well, the nation experienced

a little bit of a seesaw ride recently.

Early polls show the majority of the public

seriously thinking about what

lead Research Professor Edward Bellows said

in his interview on "Inside Look."

Many believed the professor's words were meant

as a call to arms to try to bring the nation together

to resolve this pandemic.

Then the contrarians hit the airwaves,

accusing the good professor

of peddling a dire, end times outlook

as if skirting his responsibility

to the people in this country.

And then we see the polls take a sharp turn.

Does this mean anything?

As of one hour before airing,

the trains are still running on time,

TV ratings are stable,

and so is the National Consumer Index.

Are we unphased by this pandemic,

or are we slow on the uptake?

Let's examine a series of polls that'll show us exactly

where the pulse of the nation is.

- Pandemic got you down?

- Not getting your daily dose of sunlight

like the good doctor told you you should?

- Don't keel over.

Get your daily dose of Klown Vitz Big D today.

- Big D contains a huge dose of vitamin D

to shoot that spunk back into your life.

- One easy to swallow Big D is all it takes.

That was easier than I thought.

It's like sunlight raining down all over you.

- Big D for everyone.

- Big D.

Huge D.

- Big D gives me the jolt I need to pop back up.

- I swallow Big D every morning.

- I gulp down Big D right before I work out.

- And right after my swim.

- It's easy to swallow.

- Big D, Big D.

(upbeat music)

(people chattering)

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Klown Vitamins Big D, available at all

good pharmaceutical stores nationwide.

- Japan is making gains in vaccine research,

and we most certainly shared any new findings

with our American allies.

- Thank you Dr. Serizawa, for all the work you're doing

in a race for the cure.

- Thank you. (foreign phrase)

And remember,

face masks saves lives.

- (laughing) Oh yes. Just like our own mask, Professor.

(Asian music)

That's the "Nightly News" this Wednesday.

Thanks for watching.

My name's Diandra Walsh. Have a great night.

- Let's try something new.

- Aw, I kinda like our brand.

- Hi. Oh no, you don't want that.

Here, pay it forward.

- Thanks.

- Dude, it's a sign.

- Mm, I don't know, Marn.

- You literally just had your own

personal coffee angel encounter, and you don't know?

- Okay.

(Marnie laughing)

- Aw, they're out of the good stuff. It's all generic.

- It's the same thing.

They make it all in one factory,

slap different labels on it.

It's just brand markups.

- Yeah, but the branding makes it taste better.

- I'll give you that.

(phone ringing)

- Hey Liz.

- [Liz] Hey Marn, I know your schedule

is free and clear until the end of time, so no excuses.

Party at my place tomorrow.

- Did you see that there are new curfew patrols

from here to the west side?

- [Liz] I am sending you a map to avoid all the roadblocks.

This urban planning sophomore from USC

sent it to me through Discord.

Major simp if you ask me.

- Liz?

- [Liz] Also, Lance and his college buddies are coming.

- No, look, I know this whole lockdown is stupid,

but can we just hold off, okay?

- Ugh, what evs Grandpa, invite is still open.

Wear that sexy red skirt.

And bring that sexy dork you live with.

- [Marnie] Yeah. Goodbye Liz.

- What'd she call me?

(Marnie chuckling)

(dark music)

- [Computer Voice] Environmental seal initiated.

(pensive music)

(Bellows sighing)

(tense music)

- You made yourself quite a few fans with that little stunt.

- It was just a little honest outreach to the electorate.

- You're gonna cause panic.

- Did I? - Not yet.

It's the province of pundits and reactionaries now.

- I just threw some meat into the lion's den.

- You bought a week of distraction for us.

- Yeah, but what if the vaccine backfires,

and everyone goes, oh, World War Z on the uninfected.

I mean hypothetically.

- No problem.

I was trained in acute space awareness.

It's like a 360 degree radar.

Nothing gets my (gasping).

- I think we lost Zach's feed.

- If that happens, we initiate SEP barrier protocol

Alpha Epsilon 13.

- I volunteer my mom's place.

She's visiting her sister in Argentina

and won't be back in a while.

Besides, I've got a fully stocked pantry.

- Yeah, we just wait out the initial stages,

keep a low profile,

then have a six week buffer period before we venture out.

- Well that sounds good, but what about the weapons?

- What, like real guns? I'm a pacifist.

- I think I still have a hockey stick from college.

- Are foam nunchucks weapons?

- I'll bring the coffee.

- Oh yeah, yes yes, definitely,

definitely bring the coffee.

But do you guys see,

do you guys see why this is all hypothetical?

We would be eaten in a New York minute. What good is dead?

- What, what have I missed?

- [TV Voice] There's still no (indistinct)

but seems to be transferred when coming in contact

with blood and bodily fluids.

The virus seems to be making people uncontrollably violent.

And also- (phone ringing)

- Hello, my little pumpkin pie.

- For heaven's sake, Mom.

- Hello, my little pumpkin pie.

- See what you did?

- Knock it off everybody.

There's only one in this household

who can legitimately use that term,

because he speaks the gospel truth.

Ain't that right, my little pumpkin pie?

- Dad. (laughing)

- Have you been wearing your gloves

and your masks when you're outside?

- Of course.

- Not with that again.

Hey, you live your life the way you want, okay pumpkin?

Don't let anyone tell you different.

All this is just a big bag of government BS.

They're gonna take over our lives. This forces-

- That's enough, honey.

Okay, be careful.

Remember, your room is just the way it is when you left.

- Mom, I'm, I'm good.

- Okay, well, it's entirely up to you.

- Got it, mom.

- Oh, take care of yourself, honey.

- Take care of yourself, honey.

- Goodbye, Billy.

- So you're dripping in chic Forever 21,

sashaying down the runway,

and everyone sees your ugly-ass mask and proctology gloves.

Come on Anngelica, you say, there's a pandemic going on.

Cut me some slack.

No way, sister.

There's no excuse for raggedy fashion.

Color coordinate. Mask on top, gloves on the bottom.

I'm gonna spill the beans on making you fashionable

and the envy of all those common people

in line at the supermarket.

- Yet another night as police break break up

an unauthorized party being held at an upscale seaside town.

Party goers are seen fleeing in all directions.

Several dozen were arrested.

Earlier reports of shots fired

turned out to be party poppers.

(soft piano music)

- You can add a sweetener of your choice.

For me, it's a dash of organic agave syrup

and maybe a little collagen creamer if I'm in the mood.

Whatever makes your tea taste good.

- That sounds really good.

I definitely can't do coffee anymore.

I'm wired enough, especially with all that's going on now.

- Well, that could go good with chamomile.

- Now, this is not a cure.

Go to your doctor if you have symptoms.

This is just a tea that

can elevate your mood while you're cooped up indoors.

- I added a little whiskey

to that tea recipe you gave us last week.

- Oh, how did that make you feel?

- Drunk.

(dark music)

- [News Reporter] She spends most of her day

keeping the house tidy.

Her son Walt stops by occasionally to help out.

- I try to keep busy.

- Yes, this place is spotless.

- Thank you.

And this is my wonderful son Walt,

who drops by as often as he can to check on dear old mom,

make sure everything is okay.

And he's a fabulous cook, chef.

- Yes, I'm a chef.

I work the kitchen, and sometimes I stop by

to do a little kitchen magic for you, right?

- [Cynthia] That's right.

- [Grace] Have the authorities visited you?

- Often, all the time.

But, they're great and they realize

that we have the situation under control.

I have documentation.

This is permission from the HOA.

(upbeat music)

- That seems to be in order.

The situation she's referring to

are the two infected family members

she has wandering in her backyard.

- Well, I've had the backyard completely sealed off.

There's no access whatsoever.

We follow strict CDC guidelines

and we take all the necessary precautions

whenever we go out to check on them.

- [Grace] Additionally, the recently passed

Wanderers' Rights, championed by the ACLU,

prevents authorities from removing

people without their consent.

This is Vanessa, Cynthia's next door neighbor.

She runs the local Neighborhood Watch Committee.

- Yes, I do. I run the Neighborhood Watch Committee.

- How many members are there?

- I am the Neighborhood Watch Committee.

- [Grace] Vanessa takes it upon herself

to watch over the street

and the welfare of the residents.

- There's a lot of suspicious activity

going on all around here, okay?

You never know what funny business is happening,

especially,

my neighbor's house.

I have called the cops over and over again.

They come, they look around.

They have some of my delicious brownies,

obviously, 'cause they are delicious.

And then they take off.

They don't do anything.

My husband and I, Joe,

we're afraid to go out to our backyard anymore.

We live in fear that something's gonna happen

and that those things over here

are gonna come into our house at night.

- I've lived here for 17 years,

and I have yet to see anyone

in that dump she calls a backyard.

- My kids, they just stay in the house all day.

They cry in their sleep. They never go out into the yard,

all because of, that.

- Kids? She doesn't have kids.

- Well, I call my cats my kids.

They're just like children to me,

Rupert and Archibald.

- Cats? She doesn't, she has no cats.

- This is a health hazard.

Those things need to get locked up.

This is ridiculous.

I can't have this kind of neighbor

with those people roaming around.

- Shut up.

What kind of bullshit are you telling these people?

- Well, it's a health, it's a health hazard, okay?

It's a health hazard to the whole neighborhood.

Everybody knows it.

- [Vanessa] Health hazard? I'll give you a health hazard.

- Bring it on, grandma.

That's it, bring it on. Bring it on.

You know what?

She's gonna attack me with a pitchfork, everybody.

- You idiot.

- My house.

- Ladies, please.

If you're going to be that close, please be considerate.

Resume.

(both yelling at once)

- Stop, you're not married.

- You know what?

- Back up lady or I'll stick this where the sun don't shine.

- Even on the quietest streets,

one can find a certain level of excitement,

round the corner.

- We now go live with lead researcher

and virologist from the Indian government,

Dr. Rani Roy has some amazing news to share with us.

(electric whine)

I believe we're experiencing some technical issues.

We are going to cut to a commercial break

before returning with Dr. Roy.

- [Director] And we are off.

- Chuck, what happened?

- India cut the feed.

- First Dublin, now Mubai?

Any word from Professor Serizawa?

- Nope, and no one's returning our calls.

- What about our interview with Belgium?

- I think Antwerp ghosted us.

- Kenya?

- Nairobi's dust in the wind.

- What in the world is going on out there?

- (laughing) Why are you even sunbathing?

- Hey, I gotta get one form of vitamin D. (laughing)

(pensive music)

Right?

Hmm hmm. Bless that good Samaritan.

Oh hey, how are your folks doing?

- They got out of the city, went to my uncle Pete's farm.

He's kind of a doomsday quack, so they're it.

- Mom wants me to come home.

Like, what good is that?

- She just misses you, and your fun pumpkin energy.

- No, she's scared. She thinks the world's coming to an end.

- Didn't you hear the world's been ending

since religion was invented?

So like,

1800?

- Hey.

- Alien spores from outer space.

I'm not saying that's a hard-to-swallow premise, but

- Listen, and this is legitimate science.

They teach this stuff to school kids all around the world.

Panspermia, look it up. It's how we got here.

- This contagion, you're saying it hitched a ride?

- Bingo, you know the comet,

zipped by Earth, missed us by that much.

- I think that much is a couple million miles,

but I see what you're saying.

- All right, tracking station outside of Canberra

picked up comet debris coming toward earth

just as it zipped by.

That was a year ago, one week from today.

This was just a cosmic ET returning for an encore.

- And this was all revealed to you from that acid trip?

- No, no, no, no, no.

I mean, this was ayahuasca in Iquitos, Peru.

The universe laid out this in front of me,

the whole plan.

Cosmic blueprints, man.

- Have you ever tried DMT?

- Anything new on contact tracing an origin of this thing?

- Inconclusive.

Tracks go cold at all major international travel hubs.

It's like chasing a ghost.

- Is your team prepared for another go around?

- Ready, as always.

- Okay, the next batch of antiserums are near ready.

Let's just hope lady luck graces us

with a favorable outcome.

Get ready to suit up.

- You got it boss.

- [Speaker] I will devastate this city

and make it an object of horror and scorn,

all who pass by will be appalled and will scoff

because of all its plagues.

- Ah, give me a break.

Every time we get hit with a global crisis,

these nut jobs come slithering out of the woodwork.

You wanna make your case?

Expound on the mosaic law of germ theory,

washing the hands,

quarantine to limit spread.

That's science we can all understand.

But no, these idiots always default

to the end of the world scenario.

Listen pal, it hasn't happened

since the first century common era,

and it isn't happening now.

- [Speaker] A friend of mine tells me they're converting

those abandoned shopping malls

into housing centers for the infected.

They look like cramped office cubicles minus the furniture.

Why keep your infected at home when you can send them

to one of those care facilities for a low monthly fee?

(eerie music)

(Marnie laughing) (wanderer grunting)

- Whoa.

(dark music)

- What's wrong? What happened?

- Stay away from me.

(dark music)

Come on, come on, come on.

Give me some more.

- Did you look for batteries?

- Be sure your hands are clean and free of dirt.

- Did you wash your hands?

- Britt.

Okay, look for the light, the parcel light.

There's no light. Oh, okay.

Place your thumb over the symbol.

You will feel a small prick.

(Britt giggling)

Britt, seriously?

- Sorry, Marn.

- If the light turns green, you are not infected.

If the light turns red, you are infected

with the NIX virus.

Please log on to (indistinct) for further instructions.

Okay.

- Did you feel small prick?

- Yes, Britt.

(tense music)

- (laughing) Okay.

- Oh, thank God.

(Britt sighing)

Oh my gosh.

Okay.

(tense music)

(speaker speaking in foreign language)

(speaker speaking in foreign language)

(audience laughing)

(speaker speaking in foreign language)

(speaker speaking in foreign language)

(speaker laughing)

(speaker speaking in foreign language)

(audience laughing)

(phone buzzing)

(phone buzzing)

- Hey mom.

- Hi honey.

How are you? Did I wake you?

- No, no. I'm up, I'm up.

Had a bit of a scare yesterday, but false alarm.

- Pumpkin, your dad isn't feeling well.

We think he might be infected.

- What? Did you guys take the test?

And?

- Dad?

- The test is fake.

It's just the government messing with us.

Daddy is fine, pumpkin. It's just a little head cold.

Your mom made me one of her hot toddies

and I feel better already.

Yeah, I'm gonna beat this.

- We put him in the backyard just in case.

- I know Dad isn't a big fan

of wearing masks and gloves, but.

- Oh, dad's the only one with that chip on his shoulder.

- Please be careful mom, please?

- Okay.

You got careful from me, but you take care of yourself.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

(soft piano music)

- I've camped out patiently for the better part of the week

to procure this heavenly box of promoted Zombie Zingers.

A show of tempted tasting to visually convey my opinion

of this thoroughly breaded chicken slice.

(tense music)

I detect a generous dusting of a culinary lab research

Texan or Louisiana dry rub within the crisp breading.

(tense music)

I sense this sauce cup might be unnecessary,

but the flavor from the tender alone

will sufficiently satisfy by my taste buds.

But, we shall see.

I must say, for a food product inspired by

the countless hordes wondering aimlessly about,

it surprisingly tastes vibrant, but more so, exciting.

I failed to mention they were out of regular tenders,

so I was forced to get the spicy tenders.

And my assumption,

I had an unopened can of sweet beverage in my car

has proven wrong.

Help, help!

- Here goes nothing.

(electronic music)

Hmm it's,

wow.

That's, that's pretty good, that's,

hold on.

Okay.

That actually, that does have a,

that does actually have a little bit of a kick to it.

- Needs garlic.

- Hmm.

Hmm.

- Hot a lot!

I've been reading about how fast this virus is spreading,

and even about people

who are holding protests over the wearing

of personal protection equipment.

How many times do I have to hammer this point home?

The virus is not a hoax created by the government

to control the populace.

It is a real pathogen with devastating effects.

Look here.

Have you seen this?

Do you believe the level of lunacy

that is going on out there right now?

Hug a wanderer?

These people have lost their minds.

I don't know.

Maybe this is nature's way of weeding out the stupid.

It was saber tooth cats before,

and now we have the next virus.

Part of me just wants to watch natural selection play out.

But another part of me, a bigger part of me, wants a cure.

So come on, big pharma.

Hurry up with it already.

The world is waiting.

(subject humming)

(subject growling)

(subject growling)

- Oh, we've taken so much blood out of this poor child.

Our entire research is based solely

on the serum's response to her.

She's the key.

- We draw the amount we need and not a drop more.

- The answer is in there, somewhere.

Any updates regarding the nasal labial folds

and the loosening

of the lateral supraorbital skin and ptosis?

- It's a unique morphology.

That's why she looks different from the rest.

We think it's from the feedback

that we got when we gave her the first injection.

We're still crunching the numbers.

- She's the only human test subject

that has shown a positive response to the serum.

- Jansen and his team are going in for another trial run.

- Hmm.

Hey Britt.

- No, that trick works only once.

- They aren't that spicy.

- Get a load of this guy.

He gets trapped in a European mountain resort, escapes,

and is now trying to find his way back here.

- The American Embassy tells me to go back to my hotel room

because there's nothing they can do.

I'm not doing that.

I'm gonna find a way home.

I love you, Cath.

- And they've locked down all flights,

incoming and outgoing.

How's he gonna get back?

- (laughing) Well, if he's lucky, he won't.

(Marnie gasping)

- Sure they're working on a cure, or a vaccine, whatever.

Whether or not they come up with one is beside the point.

The question is, what is the price

all of us are gonna have to pay for it?

For those wandering around in their homes and on the street,

what is the price they'll have to pay for the cure?

For us, the healthy, what is the price

we'll have to pay for the vaccine

so that we don't get infected?

Everything big brother does,

eventually the bill comes due.

- Feeling blue with nary a clue?

- Can't get excited while you sit on your couch all day?

- Don't throw in the towel just yet.

- I need zinc.

- I need my zinc, Scoops and Mischief style.

- We all need zinc.

- Zany Zinc contains a large dose of zinc

that'll make you get off that couch and salute the flag.

- Don't go scarfing down a peck of oysters

or a bushel of asparagus.

- Garlic cloves? PU.

No date for you tonight, mister.

- It takes a teeny tablet once a day.

- Don't let the size fool you.

It's got it where it counts.

This is it? I didn't feel a thing.

- Did I say, it's easy to swallow?

- I take one before turning on my laptop.

- I take two when I'm feeling blue.

- It's like blocking with a big stick.

- That's so slick.

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Klown Vitamins Zany Zinc,

available at all good pharmaceutical stores nationwide.

- This is medicinal wine.

Just uploaded the recipe

to the live chat.

There you go.

Okay, now you can source most of these ingredients

at your local grocers, but

I've included a few

websites for you indoor keyboard warriors.

Now, I have to caution some of you tenderfoots,

this is really strong medicine.

What type of wine do you recommend?

Okay, well, you're free to use any wine that you'd like,

but of course I always infuse

my herbs in a bottle of

Soothsayer, courtesy of Desperada Winery.

- [Computer Voice 1] Let's start off

with a very promising one from Tabitha Musgraves.

- [Computer Voice 2] Tabitha Musgraves, medicinal wine.

A glass of wine of your choosing.

To that we will add in the following,

a pinch of oregano,

a pinch of turmeric,

a dash of cayenne pepper.

Swirl and mix.

Now, one question we've been getting a lot of lately,

is healing our brothers and sisters

who have supposedly succumbed to the NIX virus.

But really I think they're just looking for any excuse

to drink before breakfast.

- [Computer Voice 1] Even Jesus showed us

he preferred wine to water when he turned water into wine.

- [Computer Voice 2] Paul does say, "Drink no longer water,

but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake

and thine often infirmities."

If you're one of our regular fans and tried it,

we invite you to comment below

on what you thought of this remedy.

- [Computer Voice 1] (coughing) Well, I am sure

the more you drink, the better it tastes.

- [Computer Voice 2] Oh, I'm sure it's killing

something inside of me.

Definitely tastes like an Eastern remedy.

So we invite you to sit back and enjoy

the added nourishing and tonic benefits

while getting protection from the supposed virus.

- [Computer Voice 1] And stay tuned for further episodes

as we explore other tonics from our collective mind

to heal and promote interconnection

with our brothers and sisters.

- Fellow warriors, these are challenging times.

We can't train together like we used to.

And now we train like true ninjas,

alone.

Introducing my online Ninja Academy.

Train online and at your own pace.

Don't let the pandemic stop you

from becoming a true ninja warrior.

- I've seen the virus consuming us all.

- [Announcer] Behold Griselda the Necromancer.

Witness her grand plan to solve this blight upon the land.

- We intend to cast a spell when the time is right.

A spell so powerful,

it'll bring on the legions of the undead.

It'll bring them under our control

and they will obey our commands.

It will be the end of the apocalypse.

And, we will provide the survivors

with a workforce

that will be incredibly large and incredibly obedient.

- [Announcer] Let it be known that the Necromancer

can indeed solve this country's labor shortage.

(eerie music)

- What was that?

- Today I want to talk to you about Tabitha Musgraves.

Now, Tabitha is a social media influencer, that's fine.

She has the right to sell things on her channel,

but there is absolutely no evidence whatsoever

that her medicinal wine has any effect,

except to perhaps throw off your equilibrium.

- There's a pandemic going around, that much we know,

but it's a small town.

We got more cows than people.

We get truckers stopping for a meal at Nancy's,

and that's about it for visitors.

Mostly, peace and quiet, just the way we like it.

What are you still standing there for?

You done chopping the firewood?

(ax holder distorted)

Churn the butter?

(ax holder distorted)

Just why don't you go clean out the pigsty?

(ax holder distorted)

I just showed it to you last week.

(ax holder distorted)

And what did I tell you about posture?

My second cousin, takes a trip to the big city,

comes back looking like that.

Lord have mercy.

- Dad, I know what time it is there and you look it.

- Hello, Dr. Bellows. - Caught your interview.

- All of it? - Just the highlights.

- It didn't seem to have the effect I wanted.

- People are stubborn.

- How are your brothers doing? Any word?

- Just call them. - No, I don't want to do that.

I don't wanna bother them,

because they're out there in the field

serving their country.

- I heard from David last week.

He's setting up mobile hospitals in Uganda,

and Tony, well, he's doing secret stuff like always.

- Well, how's the Little Creek Children's Hospital doing?

- It's a regular hospital now, dad.

- Erin, is there anything I can do for you?

I can make calls.

- We're doing fine. The town's volunteering.

- I wish I had some encouraging words for you.

- There's no need.

You just keep doing what we do.

David, Tony, me, you taught us that.

- Hey, if they happen to call or they text you,

you tell your brothers that.

- I will. - And you too.

(light music)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

(light music continues)

- Hey.

- What? - Someone's in front

of the house.

- Quit it, Britt.

I'm too lazy to get scared.

- I'm serious.

(eerie music)

- Shit.

Is the door the locked?

- I don't know.

(phone ringing)

- [Operator] All lines are busy. Please try again.

- Why am I not surprised?

(tense music)

- Crap. - What?

(indistinct)

(bumping)

(siren blaring)

- We're sitting ducks in our own home.

- (gasping) I have to pee so bad.

(suspenseful music)

- [Bellows] What's going on? How's it going over there?

Your in administration. Got it.

- [Jansen] Come on. Is this going to work?

- Come on, Jansen.

- [Injector] Fortune favors the bold.

- [Attendant] Do you always crack

a wise-ass remark when we do this?

- [Injector] Yes, yes I do.

(tense music)

(tense music)

(subject retching)

- [Bellows] What's going on?

- [Injector] Massive allergic reaction.

(subject grunting)

- [Attendant] That's an understatement.

- [Injector] All right guys, let's clean this up.

- We need more help.

- And this is yet another challenge,

and a reminder of just how volatile mother nature truly is.

Now this, this, this virus is a zoonotic pathogen.

It it hops from an animal species,

most probably a farm animal, bred for consumption,

into a human host

where it restructures its code

in order to optimize spread among humans.

Now, I have said this countless times.

We are not designed to feast upon the flesh of animals.

Nature's giving us a righteous dressing down.

Speaking of, I have got a vegan dressing recipe

that'll make horse hay taste like manna from heaven.

- Psst.

Before Scoops and Mischief figure it out,

here's the deal I'm gonna make for you good folks.

Fancy some D, get some zinc free,

or the other way around.

Whatever works.

Take them at the same time,

and show the virus who's the boss.

But don't tell Scoops and Mischief

'cause they'll challenge you to a dance off,

and you know clowns can get down.

(upbeat music)

- [Announcer] Klown Vitamins Big D, Zany Zinc,

available at all good pharmaceutical stores nationwide.

- Hm.

- The Chinese national archeological team,

along with select researchers from all over the world,

gathered around the ancient sarcophagus

while a single worker pried it open with a crowbar?

Researchers from all over the world

returning to their respective countries

carrying the NIX virus.

There you have it, ancient virus.

Not a peep from the mainstream media.

The CDC still debunks the ancient virus theory.

What are they hiding?

What was buried with that mummy

in that sarcophagus 4,000 years ago?

Was it a prison for the virus,

just waiting for us to unwittingly unleash it on the world

4,000 years later?

Now, the truth is in the shadows,

and I have the flashlight.

- I've warned you about it for years and years.

They take regular harmless little virus

and turn it into some unstoppable

freak of bloody nature, mate.

Then use it to scare the population.

Well, you gotta snap out of that people.

Time to wake up.

Try to keep up.

It's population control.

That's how they get to do whatever the hell they want.

That's how they pass the laws, no questions asked.

Well, I'm telling you lot,

some of us don't frighten so easily, eh?

We're bloody ready, mate.

We've always been bloody well ready.

- Well, I like this one. What do you think, Marn?

- Sure.

- Sorry, this baby's spoken for.

- Oh, okay. What about the one before?

- This one?

- Yeah, yeah, we'll take that one.

- Sold her about two weeks ago to a girl from Ohio.

Listen, all of our guns are pretty much sold out.

I mean, we're on a back order for like three months now.

- What?

Well, why didn't you start with that?

- Well, I didn't know you wanted a gun right now.

- Well, that's the point, isn't it?

- All the gun stores are out of guns and ammo.

Is that a surprise to anyone with what's going on?

You wanna get things done right and proper,

then you're gonna have to wait.

- Great.

That's just great.

- It's karma.

When you want one, there's none to be found.

- Oh, hey girls, girls.

You wanna get things done right, the official way?

You gotta wait in like the rest of the schmucks out there.

But if you got a little, you know, a little rebel in you,

I got something for you.

- We got a little.

- Well.

- Tease overboard, what do you got?

- I know a guy. You gals got cash?

- Hmm.

- Oh, yeah you gals got cash.

All right, I'll make the call.

- The numbers of infected are skyrocketing.

The hospitals are overflowing.

The collapse of society is imminent.

Very soon, civilization as we know it,

will come to a crashing end.

What are you gonna do about it?

(dramatic music)

- Can't be too safe these days.

(beeping)

- I was resigned to spending what little time I have left

locked up in my lab.

- And miss a lovely day like today?

- Yeah, I can use the fresh air.

- Hey Professor, how are the kids doing?

- Out there saving the world.

- Well, that's what you get for raising them right.

Yeah, now's the best time to live it up a little.

- [Bellows] Only at the end.

(pensive music)

- Professor, are you talking to anyone around the world?

Iran,

Iraq,

Korea?

- We're trying.

We've opened up all encrypted channels

to every research center all over the world,

hostile and friendlies.

This isn't what we're facing.

It isn't driven by ambition or resources,

it's just instinct.

Somewhere along the way, one of us took a detour.

- Yeah, we took that detour at Berkeley,

if I recall correctly.

- Exactly, and here we are, we're back again.

- Professor, can you at least give me some good news?

- (sighing) Optimistically, 0.1%.

- 0.1%?

(tense music)

(sighing) I'll take it.

- Take that.

- Thanks.

(tense music)

(dog barking)

- I can't see a thing.

- Yeah, your glasses are gonna fog up if you wear your mask.

- It's still the law, Marn.

- Hey, you're following that part of the law

on your way to buy a gun against the law.

- Okay, fine.

- This is a really ridiculous place to meet up.

- No, it makes sense.

Far away from the city, no cops, no curfew laws.

- No witnesses.

- Stan's a good man.

- I can't believe you trust that wise guy.

- Someone's here.

(dark music)

Stan sent us, said you could help.

- You weren't followed? - No one knows we're here.

- Yeah, we don't even know where here is.

- Cool.

- Hey, I know you.

- Yeah, you're that anarchist nut job.

- Yeah, it's me.

- Shouldn't you be in an underground bunker somewhere?

- No, I live in an apartment a couple miles from here.

- I guess people will believe anything

on the internet these days.

- Sure, the character's embellished,

but I believe everything I said.

The world is going to shit.

So what's your flavor?

- A Ruger LCP or nine mil single stack, whichever works.

And a couple boxes of ammo, and we can pay cash.

- What? That's it.

- We're not aiming to start a revolution.

It's just personal self defense.

- Yeah, can we hurry it up a little bit, please?

- Relax, there's nothing around for miles.

- These are recent? - Hot off the presses.

- Take a look at this.

- What the hell?

- I'll get Jansen in on this.

- This place closed down in the 80s.

No one comes out here.

- No one?

- The usual riff-raff, society's undesirables.

The city dumped the first batch of homeless people out here.

People,

humans,

thrown out like yesterday's newspaper.

(wanderers growling)

(dog barking)

Get outta here!

- What's going on?

- Hey wait, your bag.

- Britt, we have to go, we have to go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

- All right, we prepared for this.

It's by the book until this pandemic is over,

Miss Dawson has her three grocery outlets

centralized online,

ready to take orders from our elderly.

We have a small platoon of volunteers

to deliver groceries to them.

Pardon the military lingo, this is all quite exciting.

Dan, over at the computer store

will make sure everybody's internet

is humming along just fine.

So Garth and his family

have officially donated a ton of PPE supplies,

and they'll be available at every business downtown.

Okay, we're at T-minus zero

and everything seems to be going as smooth

as a slip and slide.

How's your father doing?

- Yeah, he's getting better.

- So, I'm gonna do another stress test on Dan's internet.

You know where to reach me.

My phones, emails, and message feeds

are open to anyone at all times.

Until then, I'll be in the zone racking up my kill streak.

(Dan laughing)

- Reminds me of a girl I used to date in LA.

- Oh, don't forget that Aunt Deborah's

gonna be calling later on tonight, Pacific time.

- Oh, understood.

- And she's going to be calling

somewhere down from the Maldives,

but you'll figure it out.

- I will, I will.

- Okay, June bug, I love you.

You stay safe, okay?

- I love you too, mom. I'll talk to you later.

You be safe. Bye-bye.

Okay, now back to the game.

Hopefully some good donations today.

Oh, I'm doing, you know, essential delivery services,

so you know, just the essential stuff

and honestly, I like it.

It's coming to me directly.

I don't have to leave the house.

I love it, it's great. (laughing)

Oh, hey, thanks so much Al.

Thanks for the donation.

Yeah, I see a car or two going by, you know, out there.

It's pretty much a ghost town.

Oh, I am doing great today, guys.

I am really doing great today with this game

and yeah, it's pretty much just total dead out there.

Like I was saying,

you just see one or two people going by, but that's it.

Like nothing, I don't mind it like that, honestly.

Oh yeah listen, my advice is, I think it's gonna get better.

It can't be like this.

It's only gonna get better.

Man, I am absolutely on fire today.

I am doing so good.

But listen, my word of advice to you guys is,

have your essentials delivered.

That's the safe thing to do.

Be safe, please.

Oh, Mayor! Mayor in the house.

Mayor, Ready Player Two?

- It's no longer airborne.

- What virus mutates into a less transmissible form?

- It's not isolated.

We're getting reports from around the world.

It's happening across the board.

- It's changing its tactics.

- The best way I can describe the taste is, earthy.

Very grounded.

It's like taking a walk in the forest

when the sun comes out

and the dew hits the trees and the leaves and the grass.

(Emma blowing)

(soft piano music)

Yes, very grounded

with a hint of sweetness at the back.

Let's take a quiet moment

to honor our fellow team members

who are valiantly fighting the virus.

May they get well soon.

(soft piano music)

(newscaster speaking in foreign language)

(professor speaking in foreign language)

(professor speaking in foreign language)

(professor speaking in foreign language)

(newscaster speaking in foreign language)

(dark music)

(dark music)

- CIA and our Turkish team picked this up

a few hours before it went viral.

(newscaster and professor speaking in foreign language)

- Is that Sohrab?

That is him.

(laughing) He went for the bald look after all.

- Wait, you know the lead immunologist

for the Iranian government?

- We did our residency together at John Hopkins.

That man is brilliant.

I thought he was gonna go to work

for a Swiss biotech company.

He loved skiing.

Damn, why didn't I think of him?

Do you think that the mullahs would come out to play?

- Sure, why don't I get the president to call the ayatollah

and ask if he can do him a solid?

(ambient music)

You're gonna wanna sit for this.

- Iran clamped up.

Typical theocracy bullshit.

- I'm sorry, Edward.

Your college buddy caught the NIX virus.

They have him quarantined in his lab.

- What about his files, his research?

- Got this from the Iranian Ministry of Health,

all of Sepehri's files and then some.

Not everyone's gunning for the afterlife.

- Cooler heads and rational minds.

- I've also sent these to Jansen and the team.

- It's in English.

Seems like the good professor intended

to pass on the information when the time was right.

Lucky for us, the Health Minister himself

happened to concur with that intention.

- Okay, let's get back to work.

- Any news?

- Nothing.

- Heard from Martin?

- Nothing either.

- What's in the bag?

- Let's open it.

- How about we just

stare at it a little while longer?

(dramatic music)

- This meeting will be recorded,

so if anybody wants to watch it,

it'll be available on our council YouTube page.

The hospital's filled to capacity,

and I would like to thank the many families

that open up their homes

and volunteer their time to help take care of the patients.

I've contacted the federal state government for assistance.

I've contacted them numerous times.

I have not had a response.

We will get through this.

Meanwhile, there's a drink special

at Rowdy Mike's and Lily's.

You heard right.

Buy one drink, get the next one free.

(monster growling)

- This is it.

(subjects growling)

(tense electronic music)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

- [Hazmat Wearer] Something's happening to the infected.

(tense electronic music)

- Yes.

(hazmat wearers screaming)

- [Hazmat Wearer] Good God, they're attacking.

(subjects growling and persons shouting)

- Jansen, what's happening?

- Jansen? Jansen, get your team out of there.

- NIX mutated it's structure

to maximize the spread,

(Weaver gasping)

by transmission.

This is the next phase.

- [Speaker] Oh God, no. (screaming)

(gun firing)

- Edward, those labs are right outside your door, Edward!

(pandemonium outside)

(people screaming and shouting)

(pandemonium continues)

(pandemonium continues)

- [Computer Voice] Environmental containment compromised.

(pandemonium continues)

(pandemonium continues)

(dark music)

(driver humming)

(music on the radio)

♪ California, just you and me ♪

♪ California ♪

♪ Good for you ♪

What the hell is this?

Hey, you have permission to be in the driveway like that?

I wanna see proper paperwork or I'm gonna call the cops.

You hear me?

(wanderers growling)

What's wrong with you people?

Get some sun, will ya?

(wanderers growling)

What is wrong with them?

Hey, I will not be harassed.

I have every right to be in this driveway.

You hear me?

Oh no.

Grandma Oxford.

Stupid Cynthia, I'm gonna call the cops, you hear me?

I'm calling the cops on you wandering pucks.

All of you.

Oh my God. (screaming)

Pooper, (indistinct).

(wanderers growling)

No, no!

Get away from me!

- The national has been activated in several states

to address this new development.

(siren blaring)

(voices on the TV)

(garbled voices on the TV)

- [Person On TV] Oh my God,

I can't believe this is happening.

(phone buzzing) What am I gonna do?

(garbled voices on TV)

- Pumpkin,

I just want to say that I love you so much.

- Mom, what's going on?

- Your dad.

- Where's Billy?

Mom, call the cops.

- I did, nobody's answering.

- Mom.

- This is a test, this is a test.

- Mom?

- Brittany, (wanderer growling)

I love you, I love you so much.

(growling)

- Mom?

mom,

mom.

(phone ringing) (Britt sobbing)

(phone ringing)

(sorrowful piano music)

(wind blowing)

(wind blowing)

(tense music)

(tense music continues)

(tense music continues)

- [Matt] Cath?

(tense music continues)

Cath?

(dramatic music)

- Matty?

Matty.

(light music)

(uptempo jazz music)

(jazz music continues)

(jazz music continues)

- [Caller] I mean, come on, Rob. You really believe that?

- I think we'll have this all wrapped up

by the end of the year,

just in time for Christmas.

- [Caller] (laughing) You've always been

the eternal optimist, Rob.

- [Rob] I'm the optimistic realist.

- [Caller] There's nothing wrong with a bit of levity.

It keeps the mood up. - That's right.

It's better with a smile than a frown.

- [Caller] Smile or frown,

we want everything back to normal,

if normal was ever a thing.

We don't even have a baseline.

We've always adapted.

Companies are making bank with masks,

gloves, and cleaning supplies.

Face masks with a sequin is a thing.

They've repurposed abandoned malls and in facilities

to hold post-infection patients for a fee,

and business is booming.

- Capitalism.

- [Caller] Yes, they have pandemic-themed fast foods,

zombie zingers, chicken tenders with special sauce.

That's nationwide, selling like hotcakes.

- I'm more of a seafood guy.

- [Caller] If a pandemic with hundreds of thousands

of people wandering around in a catatonic state

doesn't cause a nationwide alarm, then what would?

We've taken a national disaster and adapted to it.

We're not sitting this out.

This is part of the game.

What's next?

If all these wandering and infected

were to suddenly turn against us,

would that be a new normal?

Would we adapt?

Would that be someone's idea of an intended outcome?

- I tell you what, I'd be down for a couple of days.

Nah, a couple of hours,

but I'd take a long look out the window

and figure it out what my listeners want

and make adjustments to my sponsors.

- [Caller] This reminds me of a picture I once saw.

It was taken in the border city of Nuevo Laredo

under the Collazio Bridge.

An outdoor street vendor was setting up shop for the night

as he prepared his food over a hot stove.

And right next to him,

just above the bridge,

hung nine bodies of rival cartel members.

When asked about the bodies, the vendor replied,

he saw those bodies right before setting up shop,

but he knew that in a few hours,

the night shift from the nearby factory was gonna end,

and the bulk of his daily earnings

were gonna come from that crowd.

Those bodies weren't stopping him from earning his keep.

The man's got bills to pay, kids to feed.

- [Rob] And that's his new normal.

- [Caller] Even if it's good night, Irene,

someone's gonna figure out a way

to keep that wheel spinning.

- Man, you're such a downer.

(caller laughing)

But on a completely different topic,

let's talk about permanent clown makeup.

It's the hottest fad right now,

and it's sweeping the country, just like the virus.

This is Rob Peterson,

and I'll be right back

after a word from our sponsor, Red Lobster.

Fresh fish, live lobster,

and all the Cheddar Bay biscuits you can handle.

(acoustic instrumental music)

♪ Love is in the water ♪

♪ You are in the water ♪

♪ Cleaning is in my head ♪

♪ California is on TV ♪

♪ California is you and me ♪

♪ California is meant to be ♪

♪ California ♪

♪ Sun is on my shoulders ♪

(lyrics muffled)

♪ Moonbeams are everywhere ♪

♪ California is on TV ♪

♪ California is you and me ♪

♪ California is meant to be ♪

♪ California ♪

♪ It's fun, then you know ♪

♪ Fun, then you know ♪

♪ Fun, then in love ♪

♪ Fun, then you know ♪

♪ California is on TV ♪

♪ California is you and me ♪

♪ California is meant to be ♪

♪ California ♪

♪ Fun, then you know ♪

♪ Fun, then you know ♪

♪ Fun, then in love ♪

♪ Fun, then in love ♪

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