Original subtitles

You again?

You really wanna know what happened last week

on Shameless?

The same old shit as last week.

When you work for a living,

the weeks just seem to blur together,

you know what I mean?

Don't judge me.

It's not like she wouldn't be drinking by the third grade

growing up in this neighborhood.

Go.

Debbie needs her share of the utilities.

Want me to get some shitty-ass minimum wage job

like you hauling boxes around a warehouse?

Isn't marriage supposed to be about communication,

compromise, agreed upon mutual fuckin' goals?

How's that supposed to happen when one person in the marriage

just goes off and does whatever the hell he wants

without telling the other person what he's doing?

Officer Tipping, I believe I'm your partner.

Welcome to the Chicago police force.

Wait, you've never been shot?

Never been shot, never shot at. You know why?

I don't leave the car.

I was bored shitless today.

I don't care 'cause I wanna be the best partner that I can be.

So the least you can do is buy me a damn drink.

One drink.

Really sorry again, sir,

that you had a heart attack.

You know, I somehow feel responsible.

We made $3,400.

It's been lovely doing business with you.

Shall we do it again tomorrow?

I don't see why not. V?

Until our suppliers are back up and running, sure.

"Wrongly convicted lesbian welder."

It's blowing up. Everybody wants to hire you.

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --

Just put on the dress, Franny!

No, no, no!

I need to take your picture for Little Miss South Side.

Don't you want to be Little Miss South Side?

No!

- Dress. - Pants!

- Dress! - Pants!

Can you at least brush your own teeth?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Your room is gonna be

swimming in constellations, little man.

Like Cassiopeia.

- Can you say... - Cassiopeia.

Hey.

Hey.

How's baby?

I was up all night with Cami and Brad at the ER.

Baby's lost a lot of weight.

They ran a bunch of tests,

but they still can't figure out why he's not eating.

He's gonna be okay, though, right?

They're meeting with the doctor in a couple hours

so I'm gonna shower, head back, hold Cami's hand.

Brad was hoping you could open up at BornFree.

- Yeah, sure. I'll take Fred. - Cool.

Hey, you wanna hit that switch right there?

Oh, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, right?

Oh, Milton's coming by later.

Thought he was on an aircraft carrier somewhere.

- He's on leave. He's getting married. - Mm.

Coming by to look for his dress shoes

in those boxes left in the garage.

Take it, you dirty convict.

Thought you weren't gonna fuck me

until I got a real job, huh?

Oh, I got my eyes closed,

pretending you're a Jonas Brother.

- Which one? - Uh, Joe.

Fuck you. I'm totally Nick.

What the...

Call me Nick, you Jonas-loving slut.

Whoa, hey. The fuck you doing?

I'm gonna get you pregnant. Come on.

This isn't how we do it.

Well, it's not how we normally do it.

Been watching a lot of prison porn.

Kinda feel like making you my bitch.

I'm not your bitch.

Well, when I bottom, I power bottom,

so even then, you're totally my bitch.

And we're done.

Oh, come on. Where you goin'?

To whack off in the shower.

Oh...

All right, well, you know, I guess

I'll just drill the fuck outta my hand too.

Maybe color it orange, call it Ian.

How was your first day as a cop?

Pfft, seen more action

playing Minecraft on the shitter.

- This stuff is delicious. - You high?

As the Willis Tower.

Fringe benefit of being

the Alibi's chief quality control officer

and weed sommelier.

Gotta fuel up for a big day of pot purchases.

- Franny, breakfast! - No!

I'm gonna kill her.

I'm gonna choke her with her cargo pants until she's dead.

Still won't put on the dress?

Won't put on her dress, won't brush her hair,

won't brush her teeth, won't pack her own backpack.

Why can't Little Miss Sunshine wear pants?

'Cause it's not Little Mr. Sunshine, Carl.

Sounds like gender conformity.

It's not my world, Liam. I just live in it.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Who you guys think is the man in our relationship?

- You are. - Ian.

Yeah, Neanderthal.

There's no man in our relationship.

But if there was, it'd be me.

Okay, well, who sticks it in who?

- I do. - Irrelevant.

- And my dick's longer. - Mine's wider,

which is the only metric that matters.

Look at him. He's too pretty to be the man.

I'm pretty?

You have the hairless body of a preteen girl.

Well, you like sticking it up my shitter,

so what does that say about you?

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Baby on board. Christ.

Uh, Pop Tart or banana?

Uh, Pop Tart. Whoa, Debs.

You're looking especially, um...

Boobularly abundant.

Hot Lesbian Convict Handywoman.

Customers love it. More work than I can handle.

Franny, let's go!

I gotta go poop!

No, Franny. No!

Huh.

If I'm late to work, I'm gonna lose this client.

If I'm gonna drop you off before the doctor,

- we have to go. - Hey, can you guys drop me off

at the precinct on your way to the warehouse?

Would one of you guys take Franny to school, please?

- I'd really appreciate it. - Yeah.

- Sure, whatever. - Thank you.

Carl, you get shotgun.

"Ianna" here can ride bitch.

Fuck that.

- Bye, buddy. - Hey, wait up.

Mommy?

Come on, Franny.

Everyone left. I'll take you to school again.

Everyone? What am I, chopped liver?

You're Frank.

You don't think I can get my granddaughter to school?

You just said you're high as the Willis Tower.

I've been high, drunk, or both

for every major moment in all of your lives.

I think I can handle something as minor...

Okay.

- Okay what? - Okay, see you.

Why the hell did I do that?

Fuck.

Smile, girls.

There are my little Miss South Sides.

V, I ordered a few things.

Better not be any more toilet paper...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You gonna go kill Bill?

Oh you like the drip? It's cool, right?

I got something for the girls for their photo shoot.

Ahh, yeah!-

- No! - Yes.

Little Miss South Side is about finding

the perfect representative for the neighborhood.

What South Side girl can afford a fur coat?

A girl whose parents are getting rich selling pot.

I got us something too.

Oh!

- Versace? - Versocky.

S-O-C-K-Y. Knockoffs.

But we're making baller money now.

We should dress like ballers.

People have been looking down on me my entire life

for being foster-kid poor.

I just wanna walk the streets wearing my Versocky tracksuit

with my head held high

looking down on everyone else for once.

We need to be saving that money.

Return it. All of it.

How about I return the stuff that I got

for you and the girls but I keep my new stuff

because... I'm a grown-ass man

and I can wear whatever I want?

Can I wear it today at least? I'll return it tomorrow.

Fine.

But not the girls. Give it back, and let's go to school.

- Why, Mom? - Mom.

Because Mommy hates joy. That's why.

Let's go, girls.

Grab these masks, grab these bags.

We gotta go. Come, come, come.

Kev, what have you done to our truck?

Nothing.

Just new rims and a bangin' stereo.

Bang.

You see how I went down?

It kinda hurt, though.

After you weld the leak under the sink,

can you fix the toilet?

It's doing one of those things where the water keeps running.

Sure.

And also, the light bulb in the fridge is out.

Can you change it?

You want to pay me to change a light bulb?

Mm-hmm. Oh, and the shower isn't draining.

Probably a hair clog. Sorry.

- Oh, a bunch of the doorknobs are loose. - _

Can you go around and tighten all of them?

- Shit. - Oh, I have this squeaky...

You can just say no.

- Oh, no. I can do that. - Oh, okay.

Also, there's some holes

in the wall in the master bedroom that need patching up.

Oh, also, I have been dying to mount the TV

in the living room, if you don't mind.

But the walls are thin, so just... careful with the drill.

- Did you get all that? - Yeah.

Great. All right, I gotta get to work.

Please wear your mask all day, please.

And when you're done,

you can just pull the door closed behind you.

- It'll lock automatically. - Great.

And, uh,

can I get a picture for Instagram?

My Ladies Who Lesbian group will flip.

Sure, yeah.

Do you have anything sexy you can hold up?

Oh, my God, that is so hot. All right, whoo!

Oh, wow.

All right, great.

Thank you. Have a great day.

Yeah, you too.

Come on, guys.

_

And that, Franny dear, is how your mother

was conceived.

Okay, kiddo.

Thank you for your

intellectually challenging conversation.

Go get 'em in there.

And remember, always throw the first punch.

This isn't my school.

Yeah, it is.

It's the school named after the Black writer lady.

I go to Maya Angelou Elementary.

The poet, Maya...

I don't know where.

Uh, so it's boring, old prose for you.

Go on in.

Fuck.

Ah, what the hell.

Schools are all bullpucky anyway.

Let's get you some real world experience.

Today is Take Your Grandkid to the Work Day.

- You like that? - Yeah.

I just made that up. Come on.

- Gallagher! - Yes, sir.

How's Officer Tipping?

Life support. 60/40 chance of recovery.

Fuck.

Got you a new partner. Try not to kill this one!

Sergeant James!

Yo, Billie!

Shit,

you really do look like Billie Eilish.

Huh. Well, what do you say, Billie?

Should we go get our dicks wet?

- Yes, ma'am. - Mm-kay.

Open at last, open at last!

Thank the almighty mayor, we are open at last.

Yo, drunks! Rise up.

Bars are officially open again?

Until there's another spike in cases.

I give it two weeks, tops.

All right, look. See?

My girls have Little Miss South Side

written all over their faces.

Well, that one, anyway. She's something special.

Who, Gemma? Yeah, she is.

Kev, they are both special.

Gemma's just a little more special.

What's Little Miss South Side?

It's the South Side Better Business Bureau's

annual contest to find a face for all their advertising,

a face that shows hope and promise.

Makes you forget about the looting and tear gas.

A face that makes you want to spend money in the community.

I think Gayle King was Little Miss South Side.

- And maybe Shelly Obama. - Oh.

One case of expired brownie mix.

Take a Schlitz and my payment, ple... hey.

Jesus Christ, Kev.

What is with the giant erection

and those fuckin' awful banana pants?

It's my money roll.

New thing I'm trying out.

Show people how rich I am without saying anything

because V doesn't allow me to announce it out loud.

She's the dom top in your marriage, then.

Damn right.

You wanna thin out your money roll

for our brownie dealer, please?

And do not stretch those things out.

You're returning them tomorrow.

Hey, how much it cost

to use that shitty gym thing next door?

KevFit? $20 a session.

Lifetime membership for a Bitcoin.

Got a lot of takers on that, do you?

$10 a session for friends and family.

Well, there's ten boxes in here at 2 bucks each

so... sign me up for two sessions.

Since when do you work out?

Since I married a body-shamer.

You know that Ian thinks he's the man in the relationship

just 'cause he sticks it to me and can do a few bicep curls?

I mean, clearly, I am the man.

But figure if I go pump some iron, you know,

make it more clearly clear that...

More fucking clear.

Kev, where's the cash from the pot sales last week?

It's not in the safe, and the liquor guy's coming.

I didn't feel comfortable leaving it in the safe

because it's the first place robbers would look.

So...

it's like a piggy bank, but it's a keg.

It's a keggy bank.

You've been shoving our pot cash

in a keg under the bar?

Of course not.

Net profits are in the keg,

the money for Frank to do pickups

is in the bench cushion,

and the cash to pay off the liquor guy

is in an envelope taped under the pool table.

You can't be hiding our cash all around the bar.

You can't just put it in a bank?

The banks are licensed by the feds,

but pot isn't legal nationally, so banks won't take pot money.

I thought money was money.

They'll take it if you just launder it first.

Just cash it in for chips at the Indian Casino,

down a few free cocktails for a couple hours,

then cash chips back out.

Clean money.

All right. Time to go get swole.

Swole?

Swole. Like swole.

Eh, fuck you, Kermit.

Hey, how long you two been married?

- About 14... - 15.

- 15 years. - Uh-huh.

Would you guys consider yourselves

equals in the relationship?

- Yeah. - No way.

What the fuck, Doris? I do shit around the house.

What, throw a dish in the dishwasher once a week?

Yeah, I take out the trash. I fix stuff.

- So I can re-fix what you fix? - Oh...

A man thinks if he brings home a paycheck

and, I don't know, mows the lawn every once in a while

that he can throw his feet up in front of the TV

and call it a day.

Meanwhile, his wife does the same shit at work for less pay

and still has to pick up after her husband when she goes home.

- That's bullshit. - Really?

Yeah.

I went to take care of my mom in Ohio

when she caught the virus.

Came back.

George hadn't done the laundry for a month.

Tell him what happened.

I got a rash under my balls.

- From reusing his underwear. - Reusing my underwear.

Women performed $1 1/2 trillion in unpaid housework last year.

So the answer is no, Red.

Two people are never equal in a relationship.

The woman always does more.

Honey, he's gay. They're both men.

Gender's a social construct, but thank you.

No. One of you is the woman.

Who does more cooking or cleaning, you or your husband?

Neither of us.

Who provides more emotional support?

Don't know what that is.

- Kids to take care of? - Nope.

Ah, see? There. Equals.

You both have jobs?

Uh, Mickey? Ish.

Who makes more money?

He does.

You do more work for less money?

I got news for you, honey.

You're the woman.

Atrial septal...

Atrial septal defect. A hole in your baby's heart.

Is it life-threatening?

Under normal circumstances, not immediately,

but there are risks.

- Like what? - Heart failure.

- Jesus. - Oh, my God.

Will it close on its own as he gets older?

Unfortunately, no.

There's an opening on the surgical schedule Tuesday.

Let's get you squared away with a payment plan.

- Payment plan? - For your copay.

How much we talking about?

- It doesn't matter, Brad. - How much?

Your insurance company

will need to give you a proper estimate.

Ballpark it for us.

Well, assuming no complications,

your baseline copay could be around $65,000.

Oh, my God, what?

Wait, they need to come up with $65,000

before Tuesday?

Well, with the payment plan...

So they can save their kid on layaway.

Mask up, Tami.

Well, how is she supposed to see how pissed I am

if she can't see my face?

I mean, their baby is dying.

He's not dying yet.

If he were, the hospital would have to treat him

regardless of your ability to pay.

So it's 65 grand?

Or you can wait until he's almost dead.

Stop, Tami.

Upbeat music playing

My most important function at the Alibi

is to procure the finest product at the lowest price

so Aunt Kev and Uncle V can sell it at a massive markup.

_

Side note... learn a few words of Armenian.

They run the underworld, and they appreciate the effort.

Now, the key to any negotiation

is to set your target and to stick to it.

- What's your favorite number? - Seven.

Oof. It's low.

But it'll be a good test of your aptitude.

Now when I ask you a question, you say, "Seven."

Don't sound angry, but speak firmly.

_

Mm. What do you want, Frank?

Ten ounces of your best, madam.

Mm-hmm.

And who is this?

This? This is my granddaughter.

She can tell you the exact per-gram wholesale worth

of any type of marijuana available.

Total savant.

What is your name, girl?

Uh, idiot savant. Severe learning disabilities.

Doesn't know anything it has to do with pot evaluation.

She's like Rain Man, only a girl.

She's Rain Girl.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

- Is that... - Peruvian Mother Sativa.

Well, Peru had a wet spring, but if that's what you've got.

Franny, what do you think?

Seven.-

You're kidding me.

Clients are paying 11 per gram.

Franny?

Seven.

Should we compromise? Maybe...

Seven, seven!

Looks like it's seven.

Or... we walk.

My philosophy is no wrong is too small

for a cop to make right.

Like this motherfucker.

Arturro knows he's not gonna make it across the road

before the light turns, but he still begins his journey

after "don't walk" starts blinking.

Whole reasons he's in a wheelchair to begin with

is because he started crossing too late a decade ago.

Got hit by a streetsweeper.

Motherfucker never learns.

Yo, Arturro.

Let me help you, man.

Officers, I'm going as fast as I can.

Don't go faster, go sooner.

What? What?

All right, now you get your paraplegic

ass back to the side of the road

and you stay here

until the little, white dude blinks at you.

What? This is...

I said stay, motherfucker. Just stay.

Yeah. Stay, motherfucker.

_

It's just snacks, guys.

Come on.

Oh, my God.

Fuck these guys.

Yes.

Hey, where have you been?

Sorry, I've been busy. What's up?

Do you have food at your house?

I need you to run some snacks to Franny's school.

Well, I'm not home.

I mean, I guess I could run to the store.

Never mind. It'll be too late.

I'll just borrow some food from my client's house.

Pick me up on the way.

I can help you relax.

No, I can't.

I gotta run these snacks to school,

and then I gotta go to the store

and replace what I took,

and then I gotta get back here and finish all this work.

Dude, okay. We could...

fingerbang on the way.

It'll help, I promise.

No.

Fine. Where are you?

Yeah?

Uh...

Parker and Sandusky.

What the hell are you doing over there?

Damn. It'll lock.

Fuck it.

♪ I got a... I got a... ♪

♪ Baby, I got a whole lot of money ♪

♪ Whole... whole lot of money ♪

♪ Whole lot of money whole... whole lot of money ♪

- K-Ball? - What's up, what's up?

Yo, what'd you do to your truck?

Oh, what you talking about, man?

The wheels, the boomin' bass?

Making a little money now.

Okay.

I would stay and hoop wit' y'all

but I gotta take this cash to the Indian Casino

and launder it.

Take it to the bank.

Those gold spinners I got coming in

ain't gonna pay for themselves, you know what I'm saying?

This man.-

All right, y'all. Mad respect.

Nice. Stay up.

♪ I got a whole lot of money ♪

♪ Whole... whole lot of money ♪

Damn, man. Baller truck.

That's what good, old fashioned bootstrap-pulling

will do for ya.

Started with a bar and a dream.

Now I own the bar and a dispensary and a gym

all under one roof.

You should stop in some time. The Alibi.

Give you a discount from you being from the neighborhood.

Ugh. Dude, he got a boner.

No. Oh, that? No, that's my money roll.

Oh, cool, cool.

- Can we have it? - Hmm?

Oh, no.

Five bucks even.

What is this shit?

Oh, you know. Just some powdered donuts...

No, no, no. Fuck coffee and donuts.

No, you gotta treat your body like a temple.

Look.

Red Bull for sustained energy, turkey jerky for protein,

gingko biloba to stay mentally sharp.

Listen, you got a perp with an axe coming towards you

at the end of a long day,

you don't wanna be fighting to remember

what side of your body you keep your gun on.

Now let's go. You can have some of mine.

Wait, uh...

What are you doing, Gallagher? Let's go!

We don't pay for shit.

What are they gonna do, call the cops on us?

We have a 1080

on the north side of Lincoln Park.

All available officers on the scene.

1080. What is that, a car chase?

Yup. Let's go.

Hey, hey. Why you riding shotgun?

What? You want me to drive?

Well, you ain't gonna learn nothing

from the passenger seat.

Fuck yeah.

Seven.

- Franny? - Seven!

No wonder Ian's always in such a bad mood.

Forgot how much working out fuckin' blows.

V, got any protein shakes?

I'm just kidding. Give me a Guinness.

Give me the bat! Give me the bat.

Give me the bat, V.

Holy... Kev, what happened?

I got robbed, V.

They took my bling, my money roll.

- Your pants. - Dignity.

They got the JL 12-inch TW1 speakers

I installed in the truck.

- How did they get those? - They took the truck.

Please tell me this is after you laundered our money

and made the bank deposit.

I could tell you that...

- but I'd be lying. - Kev.

Oh, hey, buddy. Oh!

Why don't we, uh, stick to the binky

instead of, you know, rusty metal, huh?

There you go.

Hey, it's your mama. Hey.

How soon can you sell that bike?

Huh?

- The Indian in the garage. How soon? - Well, it's not done.

I know, but how much could you get for it,

like, right now?

Slow down. What's going on?

He's got a hole in his heart.

The baby?

No, Brad. Yes, the baby.

They're gonna operate on Tuesday

if Brad and Cami can prove

they can cover the

- $65,000 copay before then. - What?

Dad is trying to pull together some cash,

but his business is in the crapper since the COVID shutdown,

and I've got a few thousand in savings, but...

Yeah, no, I mean I can put the Indian on eBay,

but it probably wouldn't sell by Tuesday.

Do you think Debbie would sell her truck?

No, considering that's how she makes a living.

What about the rest of the Gallaghers? What do they got?

Uh, 50 bucks in the squirrel fund

and a cupboard of expired cereal.

Are you telling me the Gallaghers

can't do anything here?

Okay, Aunt Oopie is gonna pawn some jewelry.

Uh, Cory's donating the money she made

posing nude at that art school.

Everyone is making sacrifices.

Yeah, well, the Tamiettis have things they can sacrifice,

all right? Liam and Carl still share underwear.

Look, um, I'm in this with you, all right?

100%.

We'll help Brad and Cami figure it out.

Okay.

It's just...

yeah, I don't know what they're gonna do,

so...

Um, I gotta get back upstairs,

but I'll check in with you in a bit, okay?

All right. I'll talk to you soon. Bye.

Bye.

My wrist is cramping.

I'm sorry. I'm just too stressed.

So what if she wouldn't put on the damn dress?

I need to get a photo for Little Miss South Side.

Girls wear pants, Debbie.

Whatever. Let's just drop it.

She's coming.

- Hi, Debbie. - Hey.

Sorry I'm not 500 feet away, but...

That's okay. I won't tell if you won't.

Uh, so I brought flax seed crackers,

organic split pea hummus,

and green juice pressed from vegetables.

You're kidding.

- I'm sure they'll... love it. - Mm-hmm.

So good of you to stick to snack duty

with Franny not at school today.

Thanks again.

Wait, what? Franny's not at school?

What the fuck?

Okay, stick your nose in that. Tell me what it needs.

That is exactly what I would've chosen.

We're gonna call this recipe Little Half-Mexican Red

in your honor.

Here.

Stick your pinky in there and pack it in nice and tight.

There you go. That's really good.

This reminds me of the time

your mother helped Grammy Monica and me

measure out some premium Columbian blow.

One of my favorite memories of your mother.

You know, that might've been your Aunt Fiona.

Hmm.

Okay.

Back when I was in college,

I would be embarrassed to roll a joint like that.

Today, I'll take it.

_

- Not in there? - No.

Did you ask them who took Franny to school?

- Yeah, I just did. - Well, what are they saying?

"Don't know," "Not sure," "Fuck if I know," "Don't know."

Well, who was supposed to know?

"Don't know," "Not me," "Fuck if I know,"

- "Frank." - Frank?

They left her with Frank?

Where is he now?

"Bar," "dumpster,"

"Hooker's vag," "Leave me alone, Debbie."

- Huh. - It's lunchtime,

so Frank's probably tanked at the Alibi already.

I'm gonna fucking kill 'em all.

- This blows. - I told you.

You take 41, you get pinned to the lake with traffic.

Think I'ma get in trouble for busting out that headlight?

Nah. German Shepherd should've looked both ways

before crossing the street.

Check this out.

What you see?

Old lady screaming into her phone,

couple lookie-loos.

Okay, now that lookie-loo right there.

Tell me about him.

White guy. Mid-20s.

Looks like he wants to be Macklemore.

We should talk to him.

Lone white kid in the vicinity

where a Black man's getting arrested?

90% chance Black guy's his drug dealer.

- Ain't that racial profiling? - Black is as Black does.

- But you're Black. - Bitch, I'm blue.

Yo, can we talk?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, where you going?

None of your business, Lady Po-Po.

Oh. Gun, Billie.

Yes, Leesie... Kaleesie.

Bitch, this makes everything my business.

Hands in the air, motherfucker.

Yeah. Hands in the air, motherfucker.

- Shoot him. - Wait, really?

No... girl, no! Go get him.

Oh, right.

Got you now, motherfucker!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

Where you think you're going, Macklemore?

Oh, shit.

Oh, wait. No, no. Come on, come on!

- Wait, no... stop, stop... - Get up.

Hey. Cuff him, Gallagher.

Congratulations.

- You just popped your cherry. - Fucking bitch.

What is that?

It's my kid brother. He got his first arrest.

- Aww, yeah. - Oh, big shot.

Yeah.

It's noon-thirty, boys and Doris.

Everyone take their lunch break.

Hey, Red.

Finish filling that order before you go.

You want me to work through my lunch break?

Yes.

- You gonna pay me extra? - No.

Then no.

You're behind.

You're not gonna finish by the end of the day.

Okay, so I'll stay late.

I could use the overtime.

We don't pay overtime.

You working too slow isn't my problem.

You gave me a bigger order than everybody else.

Everyone takes their turn with the bigger orders.

Hike up your skirt and be a team player.

Yeah, how about no?

How about don't be a little bitch

and you get to keep your job?

I'm not anybody's bitch.

Think we should quit the pot business?

But we're making real money, V.

Doesn't matter if you're dead.

Dealing shouldn't be dangerous now that it's legal.

Dealing isn't dangerous.

Being rich on the South Side is dangerous.

We are not rich.

You saying that out loud is dangerous.

We need to arm ourselves.

- Guns. - No guns.

Throwing stars, then. Where are my throwing stars?

Okay, dumbasses, stop, stop, stop.

Look. First off...

Actually, first off, Kev, put some pants on.

You're turning me on a little bit.

Second, you need to get rid of these clothes, all right?

No more bling, no more tricked-out trucks.

You need to go way under the radar here.

And finally, you two need to pay someone security

for your daily cash runs.

I would say do it yourselves,

but clearly that's a bit of a non-starter,

so pay me 25% of your gross profits,

I'll do it for you.

Security and armed transport

from the bar to the casino to the bank.

- I think we should do it. - 25%?

Between him and Frank, that's half of our profits.

15%.

23 and free KevFit membership.

Done.

Frank Gallagher!

- Jesus. - Whoa.

He's not here. What happened?

My dumbass family left Franny with Frank

and he never took her to school.

Does anybody know where he is?

He's supposed to be doing pot runs for us.

He took her to buy drugs?

- Where? - I don't know.

He said something about

an Armenian dry cleaner in Chatham.

And his dealer friends by the park.

Hey! Eat shit, Ian!

What the fuck, Debbie?

Kev, can I get a shot of whiskey?

What are you doing here?

- Getting' man-swole. - Oh, great.

Maybe when I fuck you, I won't feel like such a pedophile.

Suck a dick, bitch.

Shouldn't you be taking it up the vag

at your shitty warehouse job?

Fuck 'em.

Tried to make me work for free through my lunch break,

so I quit.

Really?

Oh, well, don't you worry your pretty little head

about it, there, babyface.

'Cause between the expired food sales

and the new business deal that I just got,

I got us covered.

Maybe you can be one of those

kept wife things they had in the '50s.

Nice, frilly aprons and high heels and a...

bouffant.

"Buff-int"?

Okay, fuck it. I'm going home.

No, it's a good idea. Why don't you kick back, relax?

Maybe watch some soaps while you think about

what to cook me for dinner.

- You little bitch! - You're the bitch!

Whoa. You gonna stop this?

I wanna see who wins.

Shit.

Uh-uh.

Hey! Hey!

No, sir!

No, sir. Not in Mama's house.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Eating my feelings.

Fuck it. I need a smoke.

Yeah, good idea.

We can probably afford lung surgery.

Yeah, okay.

You know, I, uh, talked to everybody here

about pulling some money together,

but, uh, everybody's still pretty underwater

from the recession and all.

Do you remember those assholes in Tennessee

who bought up 18,000 bottles of hand sanitizer,

sold 'em for, like, 70 bucks a pop?

- Mm. Mm-hmm. - What if we bought up

all of something like... like, uh, all of the condoms in Chicago?

No, we'd just end up with more pregnant 13-year-olds.

Hey, we could stab the baby.

That'll open that hole right up.

Then they'd have to operate.

Could've been Fred.

One of the most important things a human can learn

is how to take advantage of a vulnerable population.

Who are the most vulnerable people in the world?

Puppies?

Close.

Millennials.

Vulnerable to their own inflated senses

of their self-worth.

Now, the vast percentage of our market

is made up of millennials

and every single one of

- 'em thinks that he or she... - Or "they."

Or they is special.

So a plain old joint isn't enough anymore.

We need a variety of fancy rolling papers

so that each millennial can choose one that says,

"This is me."

Will the dye in the papers destroy their lungs?

- Yes. - Do they care?

- No. - Not at all.

Because in the moment, they can say to their friends,

"I got something you don't got,"

and at the end of the day, we all want that, I suppose.

So that's everything on our list.

Let's head home.

Vernon and Jackson.

Uh, where are we? What...

Why are we here?

Paper store?

Rolling papers, right.

Let's head to the paper store.

Grampy Frank.

I think...

I got a little, um...

well, I suppose we're done.

Hey.

You wanna make one more stop before we head home

to commemorate this day?

Come on.

Ow.

My bad.

Nah, leave it, leave it, leave it, leave it.

How do you know the perp in that car chase back there?

I don't.

Fuck!

How do you know the perp in that car chase?

Oh, come on, bitch. I ain't answering shit without my lawyer...

Fuck!

How do you know...

Please! I don't, okay?

Fuck!

Fuck.

He's my dealer, okay?

Are you willing to testify to that in court?

Please. Come on.

You know his people will kill me.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, kay, kay, kay, fine, fine.

I'll testify.

Frank Gallagher!

No! What you...

He is not here. What do you...

Debbie, this park is huge. Where do we start?

Over here? Maybe over there.

Frank Gallagher!

Frank Gallagher!

What's going on with you two?

He's been sitting on his ass

spending all our wedding money...

This lady just decides we're not sharing our money...

And all of a sudden, he's making bank doing all sorts...

And as soon as I start making more than him, he turns...

- He's a fucking top now. - Stop!

First of all, you need to clean up your language.

Bitch this and vagina that is incredibly offensive to women.

And just because you're gay doesn't mean you get away

with turning women into second-class citizens.

Second of all, there are no men or women in a marriage,

there are only partners,

and I'd be very careful

about claiming the title of head partner

'cause you have no clue what's gonna happen.

And you're fucking yourselves

if you think keeping score is a good idea.

Finally, I don't care who's the top and who's the bottom.

You fight in my bar again,

I'm cutting both of your dicks off.

Then ain't no one topping anyone.

Now, here. Eat some pot brownies.

Y'all need to chill the fuck out.

Bitch.

- Yo. - Hey, thanks.

How you holdin' up?

As well as can be expected

for a parent that can't afford to save his kid.

Tami and I, we're gonna figure out a way

to help you pay for the surgery.

Yeah?

You kiddin'?

You got your own kid to take care of.

Nah, this one's on me.

- I appreciate it, though. - Yeah.

You got a plan?

Think I'm gonna let him die.

I told Tami that, uh, we should stab him

so they have to operate.

Nah, I'm gonna sign up for a payment plan.

Sell BornFree.

No, man. I mean, you can't do that.

I don't think there's any other way.

You poured everything you have into that place.

It saved you.

I got a wife and two kids.

They're my BornFree now.

I gotta choose between my business and them,

it's them in a heartbeat.

Have fun today, Billie?

Beats whacking off to "Training Day."

Uh, hey. Was waffling an admission of guilt

out of that guy without a lawyer present

legal, ethical, or whatever?

You're cute.

Listen, our job isn't law or ethics; it's justice.

That guy was running away from the cops,

and he admitted guilt.

End of story.

And the second you start thinking 'bout legal

and ethical is the second a bad guy shoots you in the face.

You wanna get shot in the face?

No, I wanna shoot people in the face.

Ooh, that's the spirit.

Just make sure they shoot first.

Congratulations on a good day, Billie.

We'll get that blood running icy blue in you yet.

Maybe one day I'll get one

for your baby cousin, Fred, too.

I don't know if I like him yet.

But you're pretty swell,

so you've earned a place on my arm forever.

I've wanted to ask you since breakfast,

but we didn't have the same relationship then

that we do now.

Why were you giving your mom such a hard time

to put on that dress and get your picture taken?

I know it was a butt-ugly dress,

and I get the sense you're less a girly-girl and more of a...

A boy.

Sure.

Live your truth.

But you know, sometimes

it's nice to make other people happy.

My father used to get drunk and make me put on a dress

when I was your age,

and I hated it,

but I did it because my father liked it.

It's called playing the long game.

Someday, you'll get caught doing an eight-ball

or sleeping with a not-too-distant cousin,

and you'll get off with a slap on the wrist

'cause your mom will remember

that you put on a dress for her once.

- That's beautiful. - Oh, thank you.

I had a really nice day with you today, kid.

A really nice day.

If anything happens to Franny, I'm gonna fuckin' kill them.

Who was supposed to take Franny to school?

I don't know. Any of them?

So you left for work without making sure

an actual person took your kid to school?

What? Do you think this is my fault?

Fuck!

Hi, Liz!

Debbie, the police are here.

Wait. Why?

Apparently, a neighbor saw you

crawling out of the window with an armload of stuff

- so she called the police. - Shit.

And I checked my security camera, and it showed you

stealing food out of my pantry and crawling out my window.

I'm so sorry! I... I... but I can explain.

Did you steal anything else?

No, I didn't steal anything.

I... listen. I'll come back tomorrow

and I'll replace everything that I borrowed, okay?

I'm not gonna press charges because, clearly,

you are so white trash that you need to take food

- for your family. - I am not white trash!

But you are never coming near my house again.

P.S., I'm leaving you a really shitty review on Yelp.

Fuck!

Wait. Is that them?

You're nuts.

Oh, my God. Franny!

Franny, are you okay?

Where have you been? I was so worried about you.

Why? She was with me all day. We had a great time.

Look, we got tattoos.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You were supposed to take Franny to school!

I actually did take her to school.

It just happened to be one

named after the wrong Black lady.

They all look the same!

- What? - Wow.

Not Black ladies! Schools!

She missed a day of preschool.

It's not like she missed

What To Do If There's A Hole In Your Spacesuit Day

at astronaut camp. What's the big deal?

The big deal is that I didn't know

where my kid was for six hours.

I know you didn't give a shit where your kids were

most of our lives, but I care about mine!

What happened to you?

I got married. That's what happened.

Well, I'd divorce you, but you never signed a prenup.

- What happened to you guys? - They got married.

Guess what. I just made my first arrest.

- Awesome. - Way to go.

- All right, buddy. - Fuck you, cop.

Hey, assholes. Who left my kid with Frank?

- I didn't. - Wasn't me.

Nope.

I did.

What the hell is wrong with you, Liam?

Hey. Ease up.

So Frank left her at school. What's the big deal?

He didn't drop her off at school.

He took her to buy drugs!

All right, well, that's not Liam's fault.

Why'd you leave her with Liam anyway?

Didn't leave her with Liam.

I left her with all of you guys.

No, you didn't.

I stood right there

and asked one of you to take her to school

'cause I was running late for work.

I didn't hear you say that.

- Me, neither. - Me, neither.

I mean, did anybody say, "Yes, Debbie,

I will take Franny to school"?

Great, take her side.

I'm not taking anybody's side.

I'm just saying take some fuckin' responsibility.

I'm taking all of the responsibility.

I am running this entire house, I'm holding down a job,

and I have to take care of a kid in my...

Jesus Christ!

You're not the only one with shit going on, Debs.

If you can't handle it, lean the fuck out.

Don't blame us for being a shitty mom.

Debs.

I didn't mean that.

Ah, fuck.

That is good.

- Oh, you like that? - Mm!

That's a little Half-Mexican Red.

Named after Franny.

Indica-forward, mellow and agreeable

with just enough sativa to give it a little kick of rebellion.

Just like Franny.

Sounds like your granddaughter

left quite an impression on you.

What do you mean?

Well, you never named anything after any of your actual kids.

That's because they don't make pot

that's belligerent and ungrateful.

If your kids are belligerent and ungrateful,

it's probably 'cause you made 'em that way.

I...

Kids are tough.

They need things.

Grandkids are simpler.

You don't owe 'em anything.

They don't expect anything from you.

Pressure's off.

You can't disappoint anyone.

You two just murdered my high.

Sell that for seven a pop.

Little expensive, don't you think?

Seven's the price.

Where you goin'?

Gotta see a girl about a dress.

Yeah.

- What the... - Fuck, it's Milton.

It's gonna disturb...

Hey, I got it, I got it, I got it.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, shit. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I wake the baby?

No, no, no, it's all good, it's all good.

He's just settling down. He's in the nursery with Tami.

Come in, come in.

So it, uh, feel good to be off the boat?

And to not have my CPO up my ass?

Yeah, it does.

- Hey, uh, when's the wedding? - I just got tested.

- Oh, cool. - The wedding is this weekend.

I just hope my dress shoes

are in the garage where I left them, man.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, the...

The place looks fantastic.

Oh, yeah, well, the inside, at least.

The neighbors wanted to keep the outside looking like shit.

So.

Did you do all this by yourself?

Uh, yeah. I mean, it's just some plaster work and paint, mostly.

You put tile up in the kitchen too?

Um, backsplash, yeah.-

- Looks good, man. Damn good. - Thanks.

How much did all of this cost you?

Uh, I don't know.

I picked up most of this stuff for free

at condemned houses and work sites.

Hmm.

Um, I mean, I guess I bought some stuff, too, though.

Uh, I put in some hours.

You should've told me.

Yeah, I would've thrown you some cash

or reduced your rent or something.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

What do you think you spent?

Uh, five...

six grand, maybe?

I don't know.

Why don't I split it with you?

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Did the work. Might as well.

- Great. - All right, cool.

- Shoes. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just back there in the garage.

- Yeah, of course. - Okay.

- Backsplash, huh? - That's the backsplash, yeah.

Go away.

Mommy?

I'm ready for you to take my picture now.

Franny.

Hang on. Let me get my phone.

Oh.

Okay, smile.

Oh, look how beautiful you are.

A little to the side.

Give it to me, dom top daddy!

Take it all, you uber-masculine slut!

Flip fuck?

Sure.

What's my name?

Nick.

I said what's my name?

Nick Jonas!

- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - -- for www.addic7ed.com --