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(ethereal music)

(coffin opening)

(eerie music)

- Hello, my pets, back for another round

in the Vault of Sins?

As you can see, we've done a little redecorating

in the penthouse of pain.

Opened things up a bit.

Gave it room to breathe.

I feel it really brings me closer to my clients.

For those of you who aren't familiar,

I am The Lady Belladonna,

top soul broker of the Abyss.

And this is the Abyss.

(soft music)

Another satisfied customer.

("A Night On Bald Mountain")

Excuse me one moment, pets.

Yes, Addy, what is it?

Who?

What does he want?

Tell him I am otherwise occupied.

Well tell him again.

I am so sorry, pets.

Where were we?

- Yes!

Yes!

This will be perfect!

That tacky throne will have to go, but otherwise,

this is the perfect location for my next masterpiece,

Plan 10 From Outer Space: The Revenge of Vampira!

- Addy, what is all this?

- I tried to dissuade him, mistress,

but he pushed right past me.

- Interesting.

- What is?

- That face.

Those lips.

- What about them?

- You are the ugliest woman I have ever laid eyes upon.

- Excuse me?

- Who represents you?

- Represents?

- Addy, focus.

- Yes, mistress.

- I want these idiots out of here, now.

- With pleasure, mistress.

- You?

- Me?

- You

are exquisite.

- Of course I am.

- How would you like to be my next leading lady?

- For what?

- For what?

Only for the best film of my career.

I'll call it

Succubabe.

- Succu-what?

- Succubabe.

I'm not married to it.

- No thank you.

I've got a job.

- It isn't as a critic, is it?

I hate critics.

Failed artists and creative nitwits

who use their mundane rancor to fill poisoned pens,

with which to destroy the careers and lives

of their betters.

- Yes, well, that's one thing we can agree on.

- Great!

You'll be fabulous as the succubus

with a heart of gold

who trades her horns for love of a transvestite,

only to have him squash it into glitter slime

with his six-inch stilettos.

Write that down!

- Yes sir.

- You don't have a problem showing your tits do you?

- I beg your pardon?

- One thing I've learned in this industry,

if it doesn't have tits,

it doesn't have legs.

- Are you kidding?

That's not only offensive,

it's the worst idea for a movie I've ever heard.

- That's a staple of Inferno Films.

Our tagline is Movies So Bad, They're Gawd Awful.

- Well, that explains a lot.

But I'm afraid you're going to have to search elsewhere

for your masterpiece.

I've got neither the time nor the desire

to be involved with trash cinema.

- I,

I don't understand.

- Which part?

- You're turning me down?

- Surely, it couldn't be the first time.

- Who do you think you are?

- I am the Lady Belladonna,

Perdition's Mistress of Iniquity,

top soul broker of the Abyss,

keeper of Pandora's Box,

and this is my domain.

And I would appreciate it

if you would remove yourself

before I turn you all into toads

and feed you to the Balrog.

- Toads?

That's bit cliche, don't you think?

- You won't think so when all you're craving is flies.

- How dare you!

- How?

Like this.

Addy?

- This is outrageous!

Do you have any idea who I am?

Get your hands off me you Teutonic mongrel!

You haven't heard the end of this!

- Somehow I feel I really haven't heard the last of him.

I am sorry, pets.

Shall we wash the bad taste out of our mouths

with a sin mint,

fresh from the greatest collection ever assembled

from Pandora's Box?

(knocking)

Legacy,

it's a very human desire.

You wall want to be remembered for something

that will make your family proud.

But what about the birthrights

that make you question the actions of your ancestors?

Not all bequeathals are noble.

Some are dark and sinister,

propelled by anger and vengeance.

As in this generational bestiary we call

Family Tradition.

(eerie music)

(soft music)

- [Woman] Look who's here.

- Sorry.

Didn't know meat and mac were a special occasion.

- They're not, Becca.

I am glad you made it.

- Me too.

- So what you two do in school today?

- I played kickball with the boys.

- Yeah, did they kick your butt?

- No, I kicked the ball across second,

and I hit max in the nuts.

(laughter)

- [Mom] Crazy language.

(laughter)

(eerie music)

(soft music)

- What's his problem?

- You know how he gets on the anniversary

of your grandfather's death.

- That's today?

- Yeah.

- Does that mean he's gonna get drunk in the shed

instead of the house?

- He just needs to be left alone.

- What was grandpa like?

- He was weird.

- He was dedicated.

- To what?

- To this place.

- At least he left us something.

(soft music)

(eerie music)

- I can't do this anymore.

I can't stand the smell of your skin,

and your burning blood,

the sound of your screams.

This is the last time.

I've suffered enough.

I've suffered enough.

(eerie music)

You won't survive this night.

(eerie music)

Do you hear me?

(eerie music)

Shut up.

(eerie music)

Shut up.

(eerie music)

(gasping)

(eerie music)

(growling)

(eerie music)

- Becca?

Becca?

(eerie music)

We need to talk.

- You were torturing that man.

- No Becca.

- You were killing him.

- It's not a man.

(eerie music)

It's not even human.

- What, what are you talking about?

- Look, Becca, there are a lot of things

about this family you don't understand.

(eerie music)

This wasn't supposed to happen

until you were much older.

- You're crazy.

I'm getting mom.

Mom.

- Hey,

sit down.

There's some things I need to tell you about.

(eerie music)

- Look, it all started with your grandpa.

He had two beautiful kids,

and a beautiful wife.

And a little bit of money,

which is all you could ask for in those days.

Until two weeks after he opened the salvage yard.

He had gone out to get more firewood.

(soft music)

And he heard screaming coming from the house.

(screaming)

He dropped the wood and grabbed the ax,

and he came back to the house.

And when he got in that front door,

he saw his son and his wife dead at the table.

Their throats had been slit.

His daughter was in the arms of some man.

And he was biting deep into her neck.

(soft music)

He swung the ax and hit him straight in the back.

(soft music)

He held his daughter for her last breath.

But the man started moving.

(slow suspenseful music)

He grabbed the ax and he was gonna kill him.

(slow suspenseful music)

In that moment,

he realized what that creature was.

(slow suspenseful music)

So he drug it out and chained it up in the shed.

He started torturing it.

You see, he realized

that vampire need blood to survive,

blood to heel.

Every year, on the anniversary of his family's death,

he tortured it.

Eventually,

he had another family.

When I was old enough,

he showed me the tradition.

And I've been carrying that tradition on year

after year,

after year.

- You are crazy.

What happened to grandpa?

- Look, we'll talk about it in the morning.

And I'll show you.

- Mom, he's crazy.

- Honey, he's not.

Trust me,

just try to lay down and get some rest.

You'll see.

Is it locked up?

- He's secure.

I left him out of his box

so I can show her in the morning.

She's too young to find out like this.

- Honey,

she's old enough.

How old were you?

She was gonna find out soon anyways.

- I was supposed to have sons.

- Listen,

you knew this was going to happen.

She's stronger than you think.

- He's dangerous.

- It's dangerous.

It's not a man.

It is pure evil.

You know that, right?

This has to end.

- Yeah, well it can't end.

I have,

our family has a responsibility

to ensure that it

pays for what it's done.

It's tradition.

It's how it's always been.

Besides, I've done everything but chop it's damn head off.

(eerie music)

(muffled screaming)

(eerie music)

(muffled screaming)

(eerie music)

(muffled screaming)

(eerie music)

- Screw this.

(eerie music)

I can't, okay, okay.

(eerie music)

Okay.

(laughs)

(eerie music)

(screams)

(eerie music)

(soft music)

Chrissy.

(soft music)

Oh, Chrissy.

(sobbing)

(slow suspenseful music)

- I have to thank you.

How I've longed to be released.

- Why did you kill my family?

- Your family has been killing me for years,

at least I think.

I tend to lose track of time in certain situations.

It should have ended with your grandfather.

- You killed my sister.

You killed Grace.

- Grace.

The sweetest fruits

always eaten fresh.

Besides,

(inaudible)

(slow suspenseful music)

You have such amazing inventions in this house.

(slow suspenseful music)

I got a new wardrobe.

I don't think your father would mind much.

(slow suspenseful music)

Don't think this makes us even anymore.

(slow suspenseful music)

I suppose I should finish what I started.

(slow suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

You can't hide from me.

I know your blood too well.

I can smell it.

(dramatic music)

How's it feel to know your whole family died

because of you?

- They died because of you.

You killed them.

(dramatic music)

Burn.

(dramatic music)

- So now what, back in the box?

Back to the family tradition?

- I don't believe in tradition.

(soft music)

- I do love strong female protagonist, don't you pets?

Especially one that knows how to fire things up.

It's a shame she broke the chain.

Her family was such good customers down here in the Abyss.

(soft music)

- Helligram, mistress.

- Oh, fan mail.

- Not exactly, mistress.

(soft music)

- None have ever treated me the way you did, stop.

I'm enormously turned on, stop.

I'm must have you, stop.

In my film, stop.

Don't make me beg, stop.

Edward, aka Eddie, aka Ed.

He's got to be kidding.

- He is clearly demented, mistress.

- Dispose of that.

- As you wish, mistress.

(soft music)

- I apologize, yet again, pets,

but I think we're on a roll.

Let's see what my lovely box has next for us, shall we?

(eerie music)

(knocking)

(eerie music) (muffled screams)

It's a very human conceit

to get in touch with one's inner self.

As if, by doing so,

you silly humans

can transcend the swamp that you all wallow in.

More power to you.

But what you discover along the way

may prove to be intimidating.

It should.

It's the kind of thing that leads

straight to my door.

Take for instance the step-by-step progress

of one Mia Gonzales,

as she explores the Seven Doors.

(slow suspenseful music)

- Oh my god, Lawrence.

We're not alone.

She's coming in.

She's really coming in.

- Calm down, you old coot.

Even if she comes in,

she's not gonna open all seven doors.

- What time did you take your smart pill this morning,

Mr. Digenea?

(slow suspenseful music)

(dramatic music)

May we help you, my dear?

- I'm from corporate.

Let me in please.

- You really don't want to come in here, miss.

- Missus.

Missus Mia Gonzales,

from corporate.

I'm the human resources coordinator.

- Now are you sure?

I mean are you absolutely positive

you want to come in here?

- Excuse me?

- [Woman] Start from the root.

Start at the ground.

Then go inside.

- Let me in.

- Lawrence,

she's a little testy.

I think we have to let her in.

- Fine.

- What the hell?

This place

is a dump.

- Lawrence, I think she's talking about your half.

- No, I like my half.

- You don't know ecru from beige.

- Ronald, it is pronounced beige.

- Oh, my dear this way.

- Well, you're here.

I'm sure you'll find everything in order.

- What the hell is this?

- What the hell is this?

This

is our hotel.

- You call this a hotel?

- Well if you like this,

wait til you see the rooms.

- [Lawrence] She doesn't want to see the rooms.

- Yes she does.

Yes she does.

Well, you look at her.

- I was looking at her.

She--

- Excuse me.

May I see a room please?

- Uh huh.

See, see, see.

- Really?

- [Woman] As we enter the sacral,

we connect with our ability to accept others,

and new experiences.

This is your sense of abundance

and well being,

pleasure and sexuality.

- Hi, honey.

- Shaun?

- Is this turning you on?

(eerie music)

- What's happening?

What is this place?

- Well, you're the one from corporate.

- Are we done here yet?

- [Woman] As we enter the solar plexus,

we cherish our ability

to be confident and in control of our lives.

- What's through the next door?

- You see, she loves it.

(slow suspenseful music)

- [Woman] Admire your self worth.

Your self confidence,

your self esteem.

Breathe.

- No.

- Good.

Now, we're done.

- We're done when she says she's done.

- What's in the next door?

- [Woman] The fourth door is the door to your heart,

your ability to love,

your ability to have joy.

(slow suspenseful music)

- Why?

Why are you doing this to me?

- What on earth are you talking about?

- Sweetheart, you're the one that came to us, remember?

- Why are you doing this?

Tell me the truth.

- It's true.

You think we've been lying to you?

- Who's lying to who?

- Whom?

- [Woman] The fifth door

shows the truth.

- The fifth door.

Show me.

(door creaking)

- [Woman] Now we are in line with your throat.

Don't forget to breathe.

(soft music)

- We're running out of time.

- What would corporate think?

- Oh, that's funny.

I mean that's funny.

(laughs)

- [Woman] We continue to the third eye,

intuition, imagination,

wisdom.

(laughs)

- You know, darling,

there's only one way to get through

the seventh door.

- You heard of the third eye, haven't you?

- [Woman] The seventh is the crown.

It represents our ability

to be fully, spiritually connected.

- [Ron] You might feel a little pinch here.

- No.

(soft music)

- Breathe.

(soft music)

You just traveled through your seven chakras.

Don't you feel better now?

(dramatic music)

- Well, hello pets.

Just checking my fan mail.

What did you think of young Mia's quest?

Has she found enlightenment,

or simply become more aware of her human faults?

I suspect the latter.

You humans are creatures of compulsion and degradation.

Addy!

- Yes, mistress?

- What in the seven princes is this?

- It appears to be a dick pic, mistress.

- A what?

- A photograph of a man's genitalia, mistress.

Apparently they are all the rage in the mortal realm.

- But why would somebody send me something like this?

- Perhaps you should check to see who sent it, mistress.

Allow me, mistress.

It appears that your culprit is a film maker, Ed Wood.

- Dark lord.

What is it going to take to convince him

that I am not interested.

- Perhaps drastic measures are in order, mistress.

- Such as?

- Have him drawn and quartered.

Oh, or better yet, vivisected.

I do so enjoy a good vivisection.

- That seems a little extreme, doesn't it pet?

- Extreme, mistress?

Is that a bad thing?

- Well, ordinarily not, pet,

but all this mortal is guilty of is infatuation.

And who could really

blame him?

Well that, and a vulgar lack of taste.

- So, no vivisection, mistress?

- Not today, pet.

Now, file this incriminating photo away

in my future blackmail folder.

- As you wish, mistress.

- It's' so hard to be a successful businesswoman,

and demand respect and idolization

of a goddess.

Are you ready for another dip in Pandora's Box, pets?

I am.

(soft music)

(eerie music)

(knocking)

(eerie music)

There's something about the dark arts

that makes me shiver with excitement.

The casting of spells and curses

is an enterprise

as old as time.

It's not or everyone, obviously.

But there are those who you who insist on taking the chance.

I gained so many souls this way.

It's almost too easy,

especially when you don't have the proper Hexit Strategy.

(slow suspenseful music)

(bell rings)

(slow suspenseful music)

- What brings you here?

- I want to put a hex on someone.

- Do you know what you are doing?

- Yes, of course.

How hard could it be?

(chuckles)

- If you mess up.

- Yeah?

- It's on you.

- Can you just hand me the stuff?

- And I can see,

you are going to need this.

- Tructions?

Right.

Right.

- And this.

- What is that?

- Dirt from the cemetery.

- Right.

- And one more thing.

- Yeah, what is it?

- Paper,

or plastic?

(slow suspenseful music)

- Let's see now.

(slow suspenseful music)

And, oh, oh, it's a circle.

That's close enough.

The next is DNA,

in case of emergency.

We'll get that later.

Ah, spit's DNA.

(slow suspenseful music)

- Short and sweet, huh pets.

It just goes to show that it pays to follow directions.

But it's not like he had a chance in Hell

of avoiding a place in my collection.

- Delicious entertainment, I if do say so myself.

- What?

How did you get in here?

- Where there's a will, there's always a way.

And I have a very strong will.

- You've got nerve,

that's what you've got.

- Eh, potato, potahto.

- What are these?

- Black roses.

Very rare.

- They look like pink roses

that have been spray-painted black.

- Let's not get all nit picky, now.

- Get out.

- But dear lady.

- Don't you dear lady me.

You've been warned.

- Yes, yes, toads, Balrog, I remember.

But, I also feel that we got off to a bit of a bad start.

- Bad?

Toothaches are bad.

Cramps are bad.

Paper cuts are bad.

You

are a sharp stick in the eye.

You are an unwanted chainsaw to the crotch.

You

are an unwanted vivisection,

without anesthesia.

- That's

very descriptive.

- You're the most annoying mortal

I have ever met.

- But easily the most talented.

- You are going to be the squatiest,

tastiest,

greenest if you don't get out of my conservatory.

- Just hear me out.

You

are magnificent!

Fiery,

spirited,

and delightfully put together.

I want only to worship you.

- Worship?

Now we're talking.

- I see

your face on the big screen,

larger than life.

You'll be the next Hazel Court.

- Who?

- Uh, never mind.

You'll be a sensation.

Your name will be on the lips of every man

and beast from here to Gomorrah.

I have already told you,

I am not interested

in appearing in your

sleazy, grind house burlesque.

- Oh, we've moved beyond that.

I don't just want you in my next film.

I want my next film to be about you.

- About me?

- The Lady Belladonna Story.

- Tell me more.

- We'll name it

Guts,

Glory,

and Soul Collecting.

- Too sensational.

- Maybe.

How about

Hell

in High Heels?

- Too smarmy.

- Soul Sister.

- Eh.

- The Lady is a Succubus?

- Please.

- The Head Bitch in Charge.

- Oh, I like that one.

The Head Bitch in Charge.

- How did you get in here again?

- Personal invitation?

- I think not.

But I will enjoy tossing you out into the sulfur pit again.

- No, I just got that smell out of my sweater.

- Not entirely.

- Now calm down, Addy.

Mr. Wood was explaining a

film opportunity to me.

- A what?

- A movie.

- I know what film is, dumkopf.

With what opportunity are you bothering my mistress?

- Only the grandest, most spectacular motion picture

of all time.

- Star Wars?

Hasn't that already been done?

A few too many times?

- Oh, no, no, no.

Don't be so small minded, my little strudel.

- I am nobody's strudel!

(clears throat)

Except yours, mistress, of course.

- That's better, Addy.

Now calm down.

I want to hear more.

- We'll get only the biggest starts to appear in it.

Lionel Barrymore,

Humphrey Bogart,

James Dean.

- Brad Pitt.

- He's not dead yet.

- I can have that arranged.

I've got his contract.

- Whomever you wish, my lady.

Inferno Films and it's creative team

are at your disposal.

- Of course they are, silly.

You're nothing more than a maggot

in these spasming intestines

of a dying slug.

- Do slugs have intestines?

- They do now, if you know what's good for you.

- Ah, yes, of course.

I am your humble maggot, my lady.

- And?

- And I will write a role for Brad Pitt?

- What kind of role?

- Romantic lead?

- Perfect.

I'll do it.

- You won't be sorry, dear lady.

- I'd better not be.

- No, no,

of course not.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I must get started.

A brain like mine cannot sit idle for long.

I'm on fire!

- That, too, can be arranged.

- What's that?

- You are so sure of yourself.

- I am my biggest fan.

- Then why don't you make like one and blow?

(laughs)

- Ah, very good.

I see what you did there.

Witty, with just a touch of sarcasm.

- I've been known to pack quite the punch, too.

- That was your cue.

- Ah, yes.

Don't bother showing me out.

- It's not bother, really.

- Can you believe it, pets?

I'm gonna star in a major motion film about me.

It'll have to be epic.

No really, in order to accommodate millions of years

worth of adventure

and mayhem.

I'm beside myself with excitement.

What will I wear?

There'll be costumers for that, of course.

Maybe I'm getting a little ahead of myself.

I need something to bring me down a bit.

(soft music)

(muffled scream)

(knocking)

(eerie music)

We're not big fans of

light down here in the Abyss.

There's something menacing about it.

Light wipes away all details,

flattens perspective,

wipes away personality.

Don't believe me?

Focus your attention on the spotlight feature

we have next for you.

A fulgent little element aptly titled

Light Signs.

(slow suspenseful music)

- You said you would be home by six.

It's already eight.

- [Man On Phone] I'm sorry, huh.

There's a lot of new information

being released by NASA

and we wanted the latest upload

to be as fresh as possible.

- Yeah, but.

It's only gonna be your birthday

for four more hours,

and I already had to cancel the dinner reservations.

- This is really good stuff, I promise.

If you get a chance,

check it out.

I'm pretty proud of this upload.

We're hoping this latest segment

will get us noticed by the big guys.

- And I'm sure it will, sweetheart.

You know I'm a fan.

I never miss the opportunity to watch my sexy star man

on my laptop.

- Sexy, huh?

You think so?

- The sexiest internet nerd on the planet.

Oh, and guess what.

- [Matt] What?

- [Girlfriend] I'm baking the sexy internet nerd a cake.

- You're what?

Are you sure?

- Of course I'm sure, silly.

I'm mixing it right now.

It's your favorite, red velvet.

And I made it from scratch.

- Red velvet?

Honey, that's a very difficult recipe.

Are you sure?

I'd be perfectly happy with a--

- It's just a cake, Matt, it'll be fine.

- I'm sure it will.

Just

don't make too much of a mess.

You know how I am about my kitchen.

- Don't worry, I've got it all under control.

The kitchen will be spotless

by the time you get back,

and you won't even know I used it.

So,

what's your ETA?

- Soon, I hope.

The traffic in El Paso is unbelievable.

I swear, every highway in this city's under construction.

I'm taking Trans Mountain.

I should be home within the hour.

- Okay, well everything will be back in it's place

by the time you get home,

and we can have red velvet cake and wine in bed.

Sexy, huh?

- Very.

What'll we have for dessert?

- [Girlfriend] Well, it's your birthday, so you decide.

- Hmm.

Do we have any of that whipped cream and ganache left?

- We do.

Why?

- I think a Liz sundae sounds delicious.

- You know what,

I think we'll even have a little left over

for banana splits.

- Hmm.

Hey, listen hun.

Somethings going on up ahead.

Dammit.

I thought I had avoided all the construction

in the area.

I gotta go.

I'll do my best to be home within the hour.

Construction willing.

- Okay, be safe.

I want you home in one piece, okay.

I love you.

Matt?

Matt?

(soft music)

- Hey you guys.

Welcome back to Cosmic vibe.

I'm your host and star man

with some very exciting news.

NASA scientists have reported a series of strange,

high powered electromagnetic signals

coming from the star system Proxima Centauri.

Radio telescopes from here to Norway

have been tracking the signals,

which seem to also be causing rare Aurora like lights

that could be seen as far south as Mexico.

The VLA has also reported intensely high levels

of interference from

(inaudible)

connected?

Some officials are postulating

that the rhythmic pulses are definitely linked

to the phenomemon.

SETI scientists

are suggesting that this bombardment

might actually be some form of extraterrestrial

communication.

But here's the cool part.

It's communication like we've never experienced before.

Why?

Because it seems it's light based.

Now we don't know for sure,

but it might be a little early to start breaking out

the welcome to earth signs.

A high level NASAS spokesperson has issued

this statement claiming

there are many things we do not yet understand

about the electromagnetic pulses,

which may or may not account for the Aurora effect

being seen in the night sky.

They are also exhibiting signs of repetition and pattern

which we are working hard to decipher.

However, to jump to the conclusion

that this is a sign of extraterrestrial life

is premature at best.

The SETI Institute has announced

that they will continue analysis of the (inaudible),

recording and studying them

until all natural reasons for the phenomenon are ruled out.

Until more news surfaces,

we'll keep our eyes on the skies

so you don't have to.

Subscribe to this channel

to get the latest updates as they develop.

Until next time,

Starman out.

(soft music)

(slow suspenseful music)

- Holy shit.

Oh, you scared the piss out of me.

- I'm sorry.

- You're also late.

You know, just because it's your birthday

doesn't mean I'm not totally annoyed with you.

Oh, to hell with it.

We still have another hour left.

Might as well make the best of it.

(slow suspenseful music)

What happened to your eyes?

(slow suspenseful music)

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

- Ah.

(slow suspenseful music)

- Matt?

Matt?

(slow suspenseful music)

Come on, come on, come on.

God, are you fucking kidding me?

(slow suspenseful music)

Matt?

No, no, no, no, no.

Please don't.

Don't freak out.

There has to be a logical explanation for this.

(radio tuning)

Oh god, oh god, oh god!

This better not be a practical joke,

or someone is going to be so dead.

(slow suspenseful music)

(inaudible)

(slow suspenseful music)

- Well, hello pets.

Just going over the script for my new film.

I'm not sure, but I think a chimpanzee wrote it.

Nothing a little doctoring can't fix.

Or, gratuitous nudity.

That always does the trick.

What's this?

- More from the schlockmeister, mistress.

- Rewrites?

- Nein, mistress.

Not this time.

These are contracts.

- Contracts?

- He wishes you to go over them

in your capacity as Executive Producer.

- That sounds very official, doesn't it.

Oh, all right.

Put them there.

I'll get to them eventually.

- Are you sure about this, mistress?

- Sure about what?

- I do not trust this Ed Wood.

- But I thought you liked the cinema.

Wasn't it one of your key methods

of spreading propaganda

while you were still relevant?

- I know a thing or two about the medium.

If I may be so bold,

he strikes me as an imbecile and a conman.

- Are you sure it's not a case of sour grapes, pet?

- Sour grapes?

- Because he case me in the film and not you.

- I have no interest in appearing in his idiotic film.

- Careful, pet.

This idiotic film is my life story.

- It's not the story it take issue with, mistress,

but the man behind the camera.

Under a better director,

I believe this film could be a masterpiece.

- Yes, well, he's the only director we've got, Addy.

I'm sure everything will be fine.

- As you wish, mistress.

- It's going to take me a while to go through all of those.

Make sure I'm undisturbed.

- Of course, mistress.

- Well, pets, it looks like

I'm going to be busy for a while.

So why don't I set you up with another story.

(screams)

(knocking)

(eerie music)

Dante Alegheri is not doubt known to most of you.

He wrote a overwrought, pernicious series of travel guid es

to the Inferno, Purgatory,

and the other place.

Consider this the

continuing adventures

of that presumptuous little worm,

as he experiences the seven deadly sins,

as dished out by a colleague of mine.

Titled quite aptly,

the Inferno.

(soft music)

- Dante Alegheri.

What to do with this one.

So many exquisite realms to choose from.

The circle of wrath would be a capital choice.

To decay perpetually

by the incineration of his own

rage.

He's still bent out of shape

about almost killing that mince fellow.

No.

That is not enough.

He has not even seen

the depths of the vile (inaudible) corners

of his mind,

even the greatest suffering

might not yet be sufficient.

- Dante's not an evil man.

- Ah, Beatrice.

So lovely to see you.

So, you found out your beloved Dante

is falling into our inferno, did you?

I have wanted so long

to make this,

shut up you filthy whore.

Dante is almost as repugnant as you are.

Impregnating your body with pills

and spirit.

Condemn this thing of life.

(inaudible)

Now, now,

let us give Beatrice a chance to speak.

She has come all the way from the first circle.

I sense a wager to be made.

Yes, she does have

something delicious to offer us.

Beatrice?

- Let Dante pass.

- He tried relentlessly to save you

and you still took your own life.

You,

you worthless piece of shit,

think that you can bargain?

You pathetic little gift.

- I was sick.

Dante couldn't help me.

- You expect us to let him go

because of your guilt?

And the anguish you put upon him?

Then you truly are a fool, Beatrice.

It is my job

to ensure the greatest suffering

on every low arriving soul

that passes through here.

(maniacal laughs)

- I know you think I have nothing to offer.

But I have something

I think even you can't resist.

He will have a soul,

whether it be Dante's

or mine.

- Why Beatrice,

you have my intrigue.

Are you proposing what I think you are?

Yes, she is,

but it cannot be that simple.

Her penance is nearly paid.

She's suggesting

an extension.

An eternal extension,

how interesting.

No, we do not simply let twisted souls

pass through the Inferno

based on the (inaudible) regrets

of one self-loathing soul.

Not.

Dante must suffer.

(slow suspenseful music)

Oh, don't be sad.

I think we are quite inclined to take your offer.

Yes, it is decided.

No.

Dante may pass, but

only if he can deny the temptations

in each of the realms

which he is weakest.

And he only has until dawn.

(laughs)

(slow suspenseful music)

- [Dante] My name is Dante Alegheri.

Through trials of tragedy,

addiction and love,

I learned the power of the choices we make,

and the preciousness of life.

A gift

not to be taken for granted.

(soft music)

I got a second chance.

(soft music)

My wife

was very sick,

and had been for a while.

Since the loss of her mother,

her little brother,

in a heinous car accident.

She had lost her will to live.

I tried to help her.

I did everything I could.

But there was nothing I could do.

(soft music)

I felt completely helpless.

And when she died,

my will to live went with her.

(soft music)

Death wasn't my intention.

I was running from the pain.

The guilt consumed me.

I tried to think my way out of her death,

but I took too much.

(slow suspenseful music)

- Ah, Dante,

you fool.

Do you know why you're here?

(slow suspenseful music)

(inaudible)

(slow suspenseful music)

- [Dante] Stepping through that first door,

I came upon a defiled home.

It was a woman sitting there,

slipping herself a hit.

My desire was burying more than ever before.

I was drawn in.

She extended her hand,

like the next hit was mine.

Tied off and loaded,

I heard Beatrice's voice.

- [Beatrice] Dante.

(slow suspenseful music)

(crying)

- [Dante] Leah?

(crying)

- [Dante] Leah?

Leah, what is it?

(inaudible)

(crying)

(inaudible)

- Oh Dante, how could you end up in a place like this?

I'm so disappointed to find out

(inaudible)

- [Dante] I'm dreaming.

I'm dreaming.

I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming.

- Oh, this is no mirage.

This is my craft.

- [Woman] Dear slut.

(inaudible)

- [Dante] Beyond the second door was a man

violently gorging on grease saturated food.

I felt my stomach drain

and pains of neglected appetite

stabbed my gut.

My mouth drowned in saliva.

My quivering hand outstretched for the food,

the fresh steam kissing my fingertips.

- [Beatrice] These trials are made to test the strength

and truth of your will.

Pull away.

(soft music)

- It became increasingly apparent

this was no hallucination,

nor a vision quest.

I knew somehow Beatrice was real.

Her heavy presence loomed and pressed along my spine,

yet her spirit lifted me.

(soft music)

I can't feel you, Beatrice.

(soft music)

(speaking foreign language)

- Pass through each door,

and you'll find me

in the eighth.

(speaking foreign language)

(soft music)

(whispering)

(soft music)

- The third door.

A beautiful woman stood swaying,

surgical lines following the curves

of her face.

Delicate hands,

gleaming blade,

and a dance like trace

along the lines.

A desire birthed inside me,

swelling with fury.

(soft music)

Not for her,

but for the blade.

(soft music)

Without a doubt, Beatrice was there with me.

Finding her, I was certain I would find answers.

But the demons faced flits across my minds eye,

blinding me like a camera's flash.

Beatrice.

- [Beatrice] Dante.

- How do I know your presence isn't some

puppeting lure?

- [Beatrice] Trust your heart.

Trust.

- For what?

Where am I?

(speaking foreign language)

- [Beatrice] Wide open.

- [Dante] Pushing through the fourth door,

the first thing I saw

was a trio of flesh,

satisfying.

A lust stronger than I've ever felt

rushed in my veins.

I dropped to my knees to indulge.

- [Beatrice] Don't fall for the allure of the sin.

- [Dante] Her voice broke the glistening trance.

- [Beatrice] The suffering

is not where you can see it.

- [Dante] Beatrice, why am I here?

(speaking foreign language)

- Who the hell are you?

(inaudible)

- [Devil] Hell is exactly

where we are.

And I

am the Devil.

(slow suspenseful music)

- As I pushed through the threshold

of the fifth room,

I encountered three men playing poker.

The winning hand thrown.

The pile of drugs, gold and money

at the table like a horde of magnetizing treachery.

His cheat scheme revealed,

as he scoops up the haul.

(yelling)

Then in an instant,

a shot fired.

(gun shot fires)

A dead body at my feet.

My only thought was

that my purpose was to replace him at this game.

(slow suspenseful music)

Beatrice.

Am I alive?

I need to know what this place is.

And you, why are you here?

What have you done to deserve this?

- [Devil] Your insolence.

- [Beatrice] I took our lives for granted.

I lost sight of ourselves.

I know it's my fault.

- Beatrice, no.

- [Beatrice] Dante, listen.

You haven't taken your last breath yet.

You still have time to get out.

- How?

Maybe we both can make it out.

Beatrice?

- [Devil] How dare you.

You define me.

Your insolence

will be

your downfall.

(inaudible)

- [Dante] I entered the sixth room,

and instantly was filled with uncontainable rage.

I never killed a man before,

but the desire to kill him was driving me insane.

- [Beatrice] This isn't you.

- [Dante] All I wanted was to pull the trigger.

- [Beatrice] You'd never kill an innocent man.

(slow suspenseful music)

- [Devil] Beatrice is so beautiful.

Too bad you couldn't save her.

You bitch.

She needed real help,

not your feeble attempts.

- I loved her.

I didn't want her to die.

- [Devil] But she did die, Dante.

I guess you didn't love her enough.

- Shut up.

I know she died because I didn't do enough, okay.

I know.

I know.

You're, you're here.

I can feel you.

I'm sorry I didn't do enough to save you.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

- It was my job to save myself.

I chose my path.

But you,

yours hasn't ended yet.

You're so close.

(indistinct demonic speaking)

- [Dante] As I entered the seventh room,

I found a well formed but bizarre woman

torturing a housewife

with an experienced hand.

- [Demonic Voice] Do it.

You can do it.

All I can think about

is murdering someone.

- [Dante] She almost made it seem

romantic.

- [Demonic Voice] Your weak escape,

die.

- [Dante] I was drawn to the husband.

Even through his desperate pleads,

I was filled with jealousy for this man.

(slow suspenseful music)

Every fiber in my body yearned to rip off his face.

(slow suspenseful music)

It would have looked better on me anyways.

- [Beatrice] This isn't who you are.

(demonic growling)

You passed each trial.

You have to go, Dante.

(eerie music)

The sun is rising.

If you don't make it before the sun rises,

you're gonna run out of time.

It's almost over.

Dante, I'm in the eighth room.

Find me.

Hurry Dante.

Dante, please hurry.

Please.

Go.

If you make it through before sunrise,

you'll live.

You have to let me go.

Let me go.

(demonic laughs)

(demonic growling)

- Her soul for yours.

- [Man] Please stay.

- [Dante] She had sacrificed the eternity of her soul

for me.

A sacrifice I, in no way, felt deserving of.

(soft music)

This life is a beautiful gift.

We all have our weaknesses,

trials that we face,

demons that haunt us in our dreams.

But we cannot give up the fight, no matter what,

cause we're not guaranteed another day to live right.

(soft music)

- I do so love an unhappy ending, don't you, pets?

It just makes my job so much more fulfilling.

- Mistress, you have visitors.

- Oh?

- The filmemacher has returned.

Shall I show him in?

- Well it's about time.

Show him in.

Show him in!

I wonder who he'll get to play the big guy?

Somebody larger than life, I think.

Charlton Heston, or Sir Laurence Olivier.

There are so many to choose from.

- Ah, my lady.

You are a vision.

- And you are a flatterer.

- Guilty, I'm afraid.

This is why women adore me.

- I'm no wear woman.

- Of course not, dear lady.

I would never presume.

- Well, good.

Let's talk about casting.

What do you think about--

- Pardon me dear,

but we've already cast the film, and,

as a matter of fact,

we've already begun principal photography.

- You've already begun?

- How is that possible?

- I am a professional, my dear.

Time is money

and I am an expert at making the most of both.

- Yes, but shouldn't the star of the film

be informed when the filming has begun?

- She was.

And she did a splendid job.

Your favor and influence

are being very well spent.

- I thought I was to be the star of this film?

- The star?

(laughs)

No, no.

I've hired a professional to play you.

No, this project is far too important

to leave to a novice.

- A novice.

- Oh dear.

- Let me introduce you to the star

of The Head Bitch in Charge.

This is Xanthena

she's playing you in the biopic.

- This tiny ting?

She can't possibly embody all the power and grace

of the Lady Belladonna.

- That may be true,

but Xanthena isn't reluctant to show her tits,

are you dear?

- Why would I want to hide these?

- [Ed Wood] Why indeed!

- I must admit, they are magnificent.

- What did you say?

- Nothing, mistress!

I meant, nobody could portray your magnificence,

except you.

- Exactly.

- That's show business, babe.

- Babe?

Did he just call me babe?

- I believe he did, mistress.

- Don't you worry your pretty little head, precious.

Xanthena will make your ethereal magnificence

pale by comparison to her natural star power.

Won't you dear?

- I get to make out with Brad Pitt!

- Yes, you do, my lovely.

- I have had just about enough of this lunacy!

Addy,

explain it to him.

- With pleasure, mistress.

The game is over.

You are fired.

- Excuse me?

- Did he stutter?

No movie, no film.

I revoke my approval.

- But you can't be serious.

We have a contract.

- Sonny, I know more about contracts

than you, or any damned soul, ever will.

You're on my turf.

I make the rules.

I say they'll be no movie.

Addy, the contract.

- I believe your people would refer to that as

development hell.

- But, but.

- Does that mean I don't to make out with Brad Pitt?

- There is a consolation prize, pet.

You'll be feeding something

from the pit.

What does she mean?

(soft music)

(frogs scream)

- Gather them up, Addy.

I believe it's feeding time.

Hungry, my pet?

Of course you are.

Throw them in.

(frogs scream)

Well, that takes care of that unpleasantness.

(loud burp)

Everybody's a critic, huh, pet?

- Some stink more than others, mistress.

- No truer words have ever been spoken, pet.

And so ends another journey into the labyrinthine depths

of sin.

I do hope you've enjoyed the time we've spent together.

And until next time,

this is Lady Belladonna,

signing off.

Carpe Animus!

(slow suspenseful music)

(eerie music)

- This has to end.

- Our family has a responsibility

to ensure that it

pays for what it's done.

(eerie music)

- What the hell is this?

- What the hell is this?

This is our hotel.

(eerie music)

- I want to put a hex on someone.

- Do you know what you are doing?

- Yes, of course.

How hard could it be.

(eerie music)

- But here's the cool part.

Communication like we've never experienced before.

Why?

Because it seems to be light based.

(eerie music)

- [Devil] Hell is exactly

where we are.

(eerie music)