All language subtitles for Christmas Down Under [2021]

Now on ION, it's Christmas and Ellie is
missing her husband, literally. My

husband, he's gone missing.

Now she must travel to Australia to find
him. Looks like someone's been

traveling around the world.

And along the way... Trying to have a
nice time, Ellie. She discovers what's

been missing all along.

This doesn't look like any Christmas
I've ever had.

It's the all -new holiday movie,
Christmas Down Under.

Premieres now.

Only on ION.

People say Christmas is a time when
magic happens.

Well, when I was a little kid, I didn't
really have a lot, so magic

was pretty hard to come by.

My dad tried to make our lives as
magical as he could, but he went about

wrong way.

Years later...

Another magic -free, crappy Christmas.

Somebody hit my car.

Well, I'm doing fine. Thank you for
asking.

Can you just fill up the form, please?

I just got passed over for a promotion.
I wanted to make myself feel better.

Retail therapy, I guess. Can you just
fill up the form, please? I was in the

Daily Discount Warehouse parking lot.
This guy crashes into my door. You know

what? He sees off and then... Have
yourself a Merry Christmas. Excuse me.

Hi, look. My name's Aaron. Sorry to
bother you. I'm a tourist here, and

just stole my bag.

I'm not a cop.

But this is the local police station,
isn't it?

No, of course it is. There is just
nobody here.

But you're there. You'll be able to help
me, right? I mean, this guy went south.

Or maybe west.

But you can still catch him, right?

Out of nowhere, he entered my life in
the most unusual way.

You had no plan at all. I think maybe,
just maybe, there was a spark of

Christmas magic that night.

And I want you to listen now. I, well, I
was hurt.

Take, take.

Oh, no, I'm temporary.

What the heck?

He just hung up.

Hi,

everyone. Sorry to interrupt.

My name's Aaron. I'm from Australia. I
was talking to a woman who's been rammed

by a car. Aaron?

I just... Fell?

This Christmas, I'll dream of a private
yacht.

Sail anywhere if it's hot.

But I got the dream that's making me
beam. It's you, me, and this is me.

I'll dream of a Christmas tree.

Lit up with a gym for me.

With this diocese to the top of the
list.

This song is for you, my dear.

Just to clarify, on my signal, you
surprise everyone, they take photos, and

we're back, okay? Your signal. My
signal. Your signal. My signal. Yeah.

I say surprise.

Surprise. Surprise. Yeah. Okay, don't
worry. I'm prepared. Don't focus.

Check on myself, Santa Claus, or some
Nicholas. Just don't mess around, okay?

Let's go. I won't mess around.

Do you want to mess around with my,
uh... Get out. Come on. You're a Santa

Claus. You're a Santa Claus. Come on.
No. No. Up. Up. Up. Come on.

I have a few words to say.

So when I was growing up, my dad would
say, Ellie, don't need accolades because

nothing is as rewarding as a job well
done. Are you trying to tell us we're

getting a bonus this year?

Well, not a cash bonus, per se. Well,
what kind of bonus are we getting then,

per se?

Dear

valued

employees, please accept this voucher
for 10 % off any feelings -blessed

cleaning products.

Have a happy and safe non
-denominational celebration this winter.

What the hell is that?

Well, it's sale. on liquid bowl cleaners
are down.

So, Tanya and everyone at head office
are trying to save some money. Last

we got a check.

This year, they started talking about
making cups.

What? No, no, no. This is ridiculous.

What are you doing? Oh, my God.

We're getting fired at our office
Christmas party. This is the most

day of my life. Well, it's in the top
ten. No, nobody is getting fired. Okay?

Definitely.

Not today. A head officer said to
consider postponing our break to make up

the shortcomings. Now I have a surprise
for everyone.

I'm not postponing. No way. My stepkids
are arriving tomorrow.

My sister's taking me stand. She's got a
huge divorce settlement.

And I'm visiting my grandma.

I'm sorry, boss.

Oh, wait. Who sold the least slushy
fragrance?

Because I think it's obvious.

This is my fault.

You screwed up the heart.

Okay, so that's a no to postponing our
break.

Now, let's discuss an early back -to
-work day.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Donald, Donald,

calm down.

I've sold cleaner for 20 years and they
don't think I've sold enough? This is a

holiday party.

We're supposed to be having fun.

Right, Victor? You're right, Bob.

I do put fun on the memo.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Last year it was at a restaurant.

Martini. Oh, yeah.

Well, happy holidays.

Ellie, everything is going to work out.
I can draw up a distribution plan for

Donald's case load for after the
holidays.

Yeah, you're probably right.

And I'll email through our final sales
figures through tonight. That should

Tanya happy.

And we didn't do too badly. So long as I
get emails of Donald's report in the

Langdon sale, we should be fine.

Which report?

The Langdon sale.

Oh, right.

That we've been working on all month. I
don't have it yet.

Well, I need to get it. That's my time.

We'll get through this.

I have faith in you. But I just said
that we need to... Nobody's getting

I can draw up a distribution plan on the
flight.

Okay? See you in the new year.

How are you?

Well, I'm so glad Donald called.

But I don't recall anyone being upset.

The night could not have gone worse.

Well, actually, it wasn't pretty.

You're right. You know what? You're
always right, and that's why I love you.

Come on.

Aaron. It's my favorite song.

The look underneath facing you half
-nude will be forever ratcheting to my

brain. Yeah.

Hey, I don't want to make you feel
better.

You can have your Christmas present
early.

Okay.

Oh, wait. You're not doing the sexy
Santa thing again, are you? Because that

not pretty. You know what, Trish? That's
a bad idea. I wrote my lesson.

Yeah, one second.

What did you do?

I forgot any holes.

Seriously, hurry up. I forgot any holes.

What?

Oh, hello, dog.

Aaron, I can't deal with this right now.

It's practice.

But you named the puppy practice. No, I
named the dog Belthazor. And he's

practice for both of us. We can teach
him how to bark, send him to the kennel

he talks back.

Oh, Aaron, I can't. Look, I know that
you're nervous about being a parent, but

you're going to be amazing, and
Belthazor is going to help prove that.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry
Christmas. As if I didn't put up with

enough proof tonight.

It's just about being with the ones that
you love.

Guess they're just going to be us this
year.

You make me feel so special.

You know.

Your parents fly out every year for you
and Sam.

Yeah, they said it's lucky that we've
married Americans because I always had a

free holiday home.

Oh, it always seems pretty nice.

The beautiful... The rainforests? Yeah,
filled with spiders.

They can kill you.

White sandy beaches?

That thing gives me a rash. And the
ocean is full of jellyfish.

They can kill you.

Shrimp on the barbie.

You know that we call them prawns,
right? And people do die from shellfish.

I just don't know why they changed their
mind at the last moment, you know? It

just doesn't make sense.

What's this?

Let me guess.

New type of breath mint, right?

Yeah. Stops bad breath. They really
should make that clearer on the

I thought that we were trying.

We are.

I'm just... Just stop, okay? Ellie, you
lied to me. Aaron, I did not lie.

You told me that you weren't taking the
pill and you are.

That's the definition of a lie.

I don't think not telling your partner
about your contraception is in the

dictionary, Adam. Do you even want to
have kids?

I... I have been under so much stress.
Don't be

telling that I don't know what stress
is, okay?

Just tell me.

What's this really about?

Well... Aaron.

It's about your dad.

Yeah.

It's about my dad. He got that right.

You know what? Don't do that. Don't turn
this back on me. Just leave him out of

it. Okay, fine.

So?

Maybe I just need more time.

Ellie, we've already waited, okay? A
family is important to me. We spoke

this. We made a decision.

I want to be a dad, and that is not
going to change. Do not answer that.

Ellie, we need to talk about this right
now. I need to know. Aaron, Aaron, just

wait.

Ellie. One sec. Please, don't take that
call.

One sec. One second.

Hi, Tanya.

I'm sorry.

No, I haven't heard from Krista. She's
catching a plane.

The party, yeah, it was a heck of a
party as far as parties go. It was...

Yeah, it was one of them.

Yeah, Donald said he quit.

But I'm sure it was just a joke. No, but
it was classic Donald.

Yeah, his report.

About that.

I'll send it to you as soon as I can.

Sooner than I can, of course.

Do.

Well,

I better get to it.

I mean, get it for me.

No, no, I'll send it to you because he
sent it to me.

Because it's complete.

Okay.

Yeah.

Bye, Tanya.

Aaron.

Look, Aaron, I'm sorry.

Okay, Tommy's just freaking out.

Aaron!

Okay, Aaron, I'm sorry. Please, please
come back. Please call me back.

I love you.

I just don't have.

A mall?

Yes, I can.

Ah!

You guys finally came!

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!

Yes! You guys should get the tickets
from them.

Where are you guys staying? I'm in,
uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm

uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm
in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh...

in,

uh...

Hey, hello?

Tell Frank you'll be back at the office
after you drop off my clothes for Marie.

And tell her she's a laundry woman just
to clean my pockets. I know that woman's

gay.

And hey, here's the gold card.

Here's the company card.

Oh, something so rich it is funny, can't
be?

I haven't seen you since we alphabetized
the Rolodex at, uh...

Well, how old have we been? What, 16,
17? Yeah. Oh, I was 16.

You were 16 and a half.

Did you focus on little things?

I don't know how to respond to that
without saying what she said.

Hi, I'm the chair. Wait a minute.

You've got a driver now.

Did you end up managing Turner Events?

I'm vice president of promotions and
marketing.

Wow. Yeah.

Last thing I remember, you were stealing
pens from the supply closet.

No,

that's why I'm only vice president.

Oh.

Hey, where are you going?

I'll give you a lift.

No, it's fine. I've got a foot. No, I'm
here.

It's not my car, isn't it?

Coach Payne's down. Tell us.

You won the fight, but I wasn't
impressed.

Sure. Thank you.

Thank you.

A representative will be happy to assist
you. Please remain on the line. I'm

going to stop.

I'll take a seat in a minute.

Oh, oh, oh, happy holidays.

You'll bring Sandra to the workshop.

Next time, we're here to help.

All customer service representatives are
currently helping other customers.

Hello, how can I provide you with
excellent customer service today? Oh my

goodness, it's going everywhere.

Ma 'am?

All this way just to see your parents.

It's so nice.

You're so lovely.

To this day, your mom makes the best
brownies I've ever had.

Why do brownies don't read?

Are you sure that you're Italian? I can
swap seats with you. I'm good.

So, didn't we move to the U .S. to get
married or something?

Yeah, and I'm Sinelli.

Except she's back at home. We had to
build this family.

Oh.

I want to start making a family, and
she's hesitant.

She'll work it out.

For what it's worth, I think you'd be a
really great dad.

You really think so?

Yeah.

Thanks for watching.

Of course.

I freaked out twice when I was on the
road.

Smile.

All time fake, you know.

Uh -huh.

Hey, let's eat dinner tonight.

Oh, no. I won't take my friend out.
Well, it's just I've got my family here.

Oh, they won't mind. It'll be fun.

That's the least I can do for you not
wrapping me out about those payments.

Feel cool?

I... Great, I'll see you...

an appearance of success and success
will appear before you.

I think my dad read more fortune figures
than parenting books. I don't know why

I'm quoting him now. It's been a year.

You know, I'm never really even liked my
dad.

Yeah, you'll understand that soon.

No, Aaron actually likes his family.

There's no guarantee you'll get a good
one or that you'll magically become an

amazing parent.

Karen Parker being tagged in a photo
with Shannon Kerr.

Shannon Kerr?

That's her little crush.

Apparently she's a little crazy.

Look at those eyes.

Look. Those crazy eyes.

Built the door. I'd screw it up. I miss
him.

I need him.

We need him.

So I'm going to go get him.

Ellie, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Bob.

Ellie.

Oh, hi, little guy.

Hey, what are you doing here? I'm here
to get my personal items.

That wasn't your Chinese food and
fridge, was it?

Because this puppy here was really super
hungry.

I guess that's okay, then.

I have to go drop him off for a couple
of days at a cold, lonely kennel.

I wish I could find someone to babysit
this cute, little, fishy, little animal.

Wentz, did you say he likes Chinese
food?

Because I think we might get along just
fine.

Mom, I'm home. I'm so glad you were
coming. I almost died.

Man, you're in a limo. You're fancy.

How are you?

You look tired.

No, I'm fine with that.

Robert!

Hi, Mike!

G'day, Dad.

Hey, you!

I was just fixing the switch on the
blower here.

Tell you what, it's bloody hot in there,
mate. The fan's not working.

Well, what's the matter with the fan?

Retirement seems to be driving him a
little certifiable.

Really, Dad?

And you know, after that, I've got to
fix the freezer.

Darling, your sister has a family and
she's really busy.

Could you take your dad for a while so I
don't lose any more white goods?

You know what, Barb?

We should just chuck a few bob out and
buy ourselves an air conditioner, eh?

Where's Eleanor?

Oh, she's still back at home.

Are you okay, sweet pea?

You know what I think it would be good
to get out of the hamster business?

Oh, fuck you!

Oh, fuck you!

He's getting worse, you know.

I can still take 240.

It's good luck.

Just because the invitation says open
bar doesn't mean you chug champagne and

throw up all over the wedding cake.

Brad, aloha. I know you're upset. I know
you're upset.

Tommy, look, it's your future.

There you go.

Not by choice.

Okay.

I think you're sitting in my seat.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're going to have to
sit here because Brad, he wants to mix

because I'm a safety man.

You know what?

You didn't really like it when I caught
the big thing.

You didn't catch the bouquet, Jodi.

You fell into a bush.

You know what? Flowers are flowers. Get
over it, Brad.

is a wedding burn.

You need to fix your doorbell.

Bring your dad.

Yeah, I hope you don't mind.

You probably need a battery.

You said it was going to be fun, right?

Of course.

You got any triple A's? Come in.

Whoa. Take a bite of that, eh?

A long movie.

Can I impress it?

Hey. Oi!

You've got a Sydney puddle out there.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, thanks for having me.

You're great. And a coat hanger, eh?

All you need is a drawer, bridge, and
have everything, wouldn't you? Thank

All right.

Do you want a drink? Very. Or champagne?

Whatever you're having. Grab that one as
well. That looks like a happier New

Guinean headdress, that does. Thank you.

We shan't touch.

Why not?

Great. I'm dazed. Yeah? I'll get the
drink.

All right. You're done.

Seriously, can you behave?

Oh, God. It's like the inside of a
mapper.

Take your seats. The Fast and the Safe
outside is on.

I know his family hate me because I met
him during his speech at his sister's

wedding. No one hates you, but if you
knew you would be an aggressive drunk.

Why'd you drink?

I'm still drinking.

Still drinking.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me.

I need a new seat.

The plane is full. I'm fine.

Maybe there is someone who would swap
with me.

Just...

Try to relax.

You know what? Damn it, Brad. There
wasn't even that much blood.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

What we do behind closed doors is our
business.

Not to project out for the whole world
to see. Okay?

Wow, this is incredible.

Thanks. Cheers.

So, Aaron.

Hi, Sharon.

What do you do? Do you do big parties or
something like that?

Shannon. I head into their events.

Oh. Millions of dollars.

Thousands of audience members have
events.

And it all started from a slam together.

Wouldn't it be great if we started
working together again?

How much fun we'd have.

Yeah, I'm sure you'd make it fun.

And get away, Pete. That's what I'm
saying.

I teach second grade, so I get to read
books and watch professional cartoons.

Wow.

Engaging in a child and imagination of
the day.

Hey, you got any more apple juice?

In the fridge.

All right.

You want any more wine? Yeah, sure.
Thanks, man. No, I guess.

I

know

you want a Christmas concert at the
minute.

It's the biggest event we do all year.

Hey, Karen, where's your coat skirt?

Bottom drawer to the left.

I've always liked Christmas carols.
Yeah? Yeah, you like that reindeer one,

Randy Adolph. What's his name?

Dad, seriously, it's Rudolph.

Rudolph, that's it.

I think you need a ticket for the show,
for you and your family.

Consider it a retirement present,
Robert, and a welcome present to you.

The corkscrew was old enough to bite.

I slipped out of the hand and just... I
told you I should have brought a bottle

of wine with you.

Take your pick.

Not that one.

There's a screw on me.

You won't be able to screw that up, Dad.

I'll do the dead jacks.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

Miss, I ask that you return to your
seat. I know.

Have some seatbelts signed. Okay.

No! No, no, no, no, no!

Ooh, I'm guessing with the chicken?

Okay,

so I... Yes, yes, I know.

Okay,

but I need to... Yes, yes, American
tourist.

Yeah,

but... Yeah,

but...

Gather round.

Gather round.

Come closer.

Let me tell you about the dream time.

Men and women took the forms of spirit
and created our world.

The land.

The sea.

The sky.

But most important, Uncle Jono's gift
shop and cafe.

Are you okay?

Gosh,

you look like you're about to... Wake

up!

I don't know, you just came

over and then you passed out.

What, passed out?

Well, yeah, you're wearing a jumper and
40 friggin' degree heat, mate. I had to

pull you into the shade, otherwise you
were going to cark it.

It sounds like you're speaking English,
but I don't think you are.

Are you okay?

Um, I gotta go.

My husband, Aaron, is with some girl
someplace, and I gotta find him.

So you're gonna find one person by
yourself?

Excuse me?

Oh,

yeah.

In the taxi.

No, no, it's my, it's my, it's my
suitcase.

I don't even know where he's staying. I
don't know where his parents live.

I don't even know what time it is.

Do you know what time it is?

Do you know where I should go?

Do you know crocodiles, indeed?

I'm on your nincompoop.

Just so I can help you out this one
time.

You know, what goes around comes around.

Yeah.

Gugiano! I'm chucking and sticking!

No problem, love.

Yeah, come on.

You know, back at the harbour, I'm not
even speaking half the truth to all

gamuters.

So you're not really a native. You're
just faking it.

Yeah, no, I'm indigenous. It's just
that, you know, my culture's pretty

It's not for sale.

I just kind of put on a bit of a show,
you know?

It's a pretty easy gig.

Anyway, we're going to go to my other
job now.

And do you fake it there too?

Are you kidding?

I can't fake the excitement of cleaning
up strangers' vomit.

I get free chunks of fairy floss.

I'm just kidding.

But I do get VIP access to the lost and
found.

We're going to get you some new clothes.

I'm Dana, by the way.

Eleanor.

Nice to meet you, Nora.

No, Ellie would work too.

Oh, what's in the case?

Parts of the last American that I
helped.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

It's actually a saxophone.

Do you play saxophone?

Well, yeah. What did you think? I just
played the didgeridoo or something.

I think the saxophone's pretty sexy.

Do you play any instruments?

No, never have, actually. I manage a
team selling toilet cleaning products.

Every little kid's dream.

Yeah, well, not what I always wanted.

What did you used to want?

I used to like decorating my room.

I was at work, so I kept myself busy. I
was rearranging or building.

shells out of whatever I found on my way
back from school.

I even used to throw new curtains from
old clothes and even not old pants my

had in a box.

He was unimpressed.

Yikes.

Oh.

Are you sure you're okay?

You could have a concussion, you know.

Do you have any painkillers?

Hold this.

I think I've got some gummy vitamins
here.

Oh, okay.

Just stay away from the green ones.
Trust me on that.

All right.

Seriously, don't eat them.

Let's go.

Is all of this hot? Yep.

Here we are, plenty of this season's
best hot cells.

So the bathroom's straight through and
to the right.

So I just go straight through the giant
demon clown mouth from Every Child's

Nightmare and to the right? Straight
through the giant demon clown mouth to

right.

Sounds good.

Oh, and don't talk to old mate.

That'll do.

Got it.

Oh, man.

Come on. All right.

Wow, you look steady.

Yeah, to be convicted of arson. These
were the only clothes not covered in

type of bodily fluid. Wait, there were
clothes that were not covered in bodily

fluid? It's a Christmas miracle.

Now, next stop.

Someone who can help you find what you
seek. A genius.

I don't want to do it. It's going to
hurt.

I don't want to do it. Dave, are you
wearing your vest, mate? These things

bullets. Are you even going to move the
table? No, you do it, Dan. You've got a

vest. Dave, stop being a wuss. I'm not a
wuss.

I've eaten rocks before.

Three, two, one. No.

What are you doing?

I'm doing a little bit of learning and
development stuff.

Help me.

How can we help you? Your security said
to give you this.

Security?

We don't have a security.

Kevin!

Get back in your cell, would you? Stop
telling people you're at security.

Mom, I can't feel my arm.

Anyway, how can we help you?

My new tour guide friend said a yoga
instructor has some good advice, but I

insisted that we stop here first and ask
people who job have. We're kind of

busy. Oh, if you could just get on with
it.

Yeah, well, my husband, he's gone
missing.

And I lost everything.

I lost my phone, my passport, luggage,
everything.

Okay, so let me get this straight.

Your husband's gone AWOL, and everything
you own is missing.

Then can I interest you in one of these
little puppies? That is a missing

persons report, so just fill that out.

And give us the most recent photo.
You've got to be hubby, and we'll put

below.

Should be sweet. Well, I have no
pictures of him.

My phone, you know, it's gone.

Everything's gone.

Forget about the photo. What we'll do is
we'll get our police expert to draw a

picture of him.

That'd be wonderful. Thank you. Hey,
David.

What? You ready to draw a picture?

Oh, yeah.

There you go. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Okay. Looks like I'm still going to the
yoga instructor.

Dana! She must have a bad back.

Lunch?

Yeah, just going to bring the table.

Oh, you brought it, didn't you?

And down to your center.

Everyone say inner peace.

Inner peace.

And now you're all hashtag blessed.

Make sure to check out my videos on
finding your inner strength as well as

woman falls down escalator.

Namaste.

Ana, could you please... Jared!

Dana Bovena, what's up?

I need your help.

Chakras off? No.

Can't open a PDF on your phone?

Yes, but no.

You're not a tourist.

Bingo! Here she is.

Oh, crap!

I thought you were about to steal my
wallet.

This is Nora. Oh, Eleanor.

Pleased to meet you, Elle.

Do Australians just not hear the right
name?

What is it you see? My husband.

We had a fight in... Is he around any
teenagers?

Yeah, he's got a name. I want to say...
Maddie?

Maddie Parker -Allis.

That's it.

What? That's them, right?

Yeah.

Isn't this considered stalking? Small.

This isn't even the beginning. I told
you you could help. Well, how do we get

there? I'll drive. I'm about to drop my
shift anyhow.

You've got Zoom rideshare apps. Yeah, do
it. She flew around the world. Almost

died. Well, you've got Zoom, right?

Excellent. And Elle, you look like a
torture backpacker. Or you're about to

torture a backpacker. I can't decide.
It's the shorts. They're confusing. Just

try not to look so threatening.

You're going to help me?

I'm always up for a little bit of
adventure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey.

Charlie's packed up. Yeah?

All right, this is where they were. Do
you see a fellow anywhere?

Aaron won't be down there. Sam gives him
a rat.

Sounds like a cool guy.

With a cafe?

Looks empty.

No updates from Maddie.

Okay, think logically. Do we... Go to
the Harvard Bridge? Do we go to the

House? What else do people who are new
to Australia do? Thank God they're not

New Zealand.

Ask us about shrimp and Barbie dolls.
Get upset with us for swearing a lot.

upset with themselves when they start
swearing. Yell it up in other languages.

I'm such a toy to see which way the
water goes. Ask if a dingo stole my

Okay, guys, literally none of this
helped. Yeah, but it's a pretty sweet

though, don't you reckon?

Yeah, maybe this is it.

Happy New Year.

I like it.

picking up, huh?

Nah.

She probably hasn't got reception, no. I
just don't know what she wants anymore.

I mean, the last couple of months I've
been banging my head against a brick

wall.

Hey.

I've got band -aids. What happened?

Ellie?

Ellie?

No, silly. It's Shannon.

Hey, Shannon.

bottle crying out loud. I'll see you
soon. Okay, ciao. Okay, bye.

It's Sharon. She wants me to go pick up
tickets from her office.

She wasn't a bit content when we were
kids, was she?

You were both a little special.

It's unbelievable.

I tell you what, I'll come with you and
I'll take another bottle of wine. I'll

go get changed and see you at the car.

Aaron! Robert.

G'day, love. Want me to open another
bottle of wine for you?

Aaron, do you like the office?

Merry Christmas!

Great. This is a bit OCD, isn't it?

Someone needs counselling. Too much time
on their hands.

You can't eat it, though.

We paid a Swedish designer $4 ,000 to
create it. $4 ,000? You'd buy a Toyota

Corolla for that.

Okay, a latte.

Would you like one?

Oh, for free? Yeah, let me.

Oh, yeah, a double shot flat white, you
know.

Is it soy?

Take that.

And there's someone I want you to meet.

Come through.

Oh, it's free.

Don't need any, eh?

I'll be one more boy.

Mr. Parker, I have heard a lot about
you.

Hi. This is Frank, director of Turner
Events.

Wow, it's really like it here.

Oh, great.

Fantastic job.

Please,

take a seat.

Sure. Yeah, just take a seat.

Maybe one more bite.

Take a seat.

Sorry, terrible joke. Not funny.

Okay.

So, Shannon tells me you used to work at
the company.

Yeah, a year ago.

We found a nice one somewhere.

We didn't steal any stationery.

Bertie tells me you're on the job hunt.

What? Yes, we're looking for a senior
project manager.

Shannon tells me you're very good with
organising large groups.

Yes, large groups of kids. I'm a
schoolteacher, an employed

sorry to waste your time, Frank, but I'm
not actually looking for a job.

You did say you wanted to work together
again?

I'm pretty sure that was you.

Lovely to meet you.

I guess I'll go.

Oh, yes. Yes, I suppose you should.

It's the weirdest interview I've ever
had.

Oh, my God!

What the hell?

Oh, my God!

Hey,

what was it all about?

God, Aaron, I just mentioned to him
earlier and... You'd get a kick out of

wanted.

Well, it was flattering, okay, but it's
kind of weird and creepy.

Look, when I was first offered the job,
it wasn't exactly what I wanted.

I sold a paycheck and I looked up cars I
could buy one day.

I don't know, I just thought I could
have the life that everybody wants.

You know, a job, safety, kids.

And now I'm just looking for a husband.

Holy Moses, mate. What have you done?
This cost some poor bugger $4 ,000.

That wasn't me.

You did it. Why would you do that?

No, no, take them. Take them.

Forget about today and let's watch it
tonight.

They'll get your family back.

I think you need a bit of anger
management.

We'll have a lot of fun. Okay, yeah.
Okay, I just... So lovely to see you,

We're going to go.

I've got a name of a good counsellor if
you want to want one.

Okay, let's...

Here's your soy latte, mister.

It's 4 .30 and we close at 5, but I'm
trying to knock off early. Thank you.

Hurry up.

All right. Merry Christmas, guys. Off
you go. Thank you.

You don't get that one, do you, mate?

It's Twinkle, Santa.

All right. Please listen.

Santa's going to go feed the reindeers a
little more eggnog. Are you all right

with that? I think the reindeers have
had just about enough eggnog, actually.

Actually, I think the reindeers are
still a little thirsty, mate.

Oh, well, we can differently nick.
Everything okay in the North Pole? Wow.

I don't know.

Don't be silly.

Oh,

he's up, big elf. I need to get heavy.
It's Christmas. I get the picture.

Make it quick.

Do you know where they find you?

A tic -tac will go astray.

Hello? Oh.

Hello, G'day.

Ho, ho, ho.

Excuse me?

Who are you? Probably on the naughty
list we give off.

Hiya, cute little monster.

Can we get a photo with Santa?

Okay, so let me get this straight.

When you're born in America, you get
given a pet bull's evil name, Bacon, who

then teaches you how to shoot bare arms?

Here you go, guys. Have a gay time.

It's a nice place.

Elliot is weird.

All right, I need to get back home.

Elle, where am I dropping you off? Yeah,
I've got to get to my other job,

actually. Who's going to clean up the
vomit?

But we haven't found Erin yet.

I think I might have, Doug.

I found you.

All

the

shots have been shot for hours. What are
you still doing here? Thank you for

listening.

Where are they?

I guess we missed him.

They've got to be here.

I'm genuinely sorry.

Because I love watching people react to
a grown woman dressed up like a 17 -year

-old. But time is money, and I'm not
making any.

And that really clogs my chakras with
negative energy.

You can't go.

I'll do whatever you want. I'm really
late for work now.

I bet they're up to a code brown.

What is a... Oh, don't ask.

You guys want heavily discounted,
industry -grade bathroom cleaning

Um... cleaning and odor eliminating.

I don't need chemicals.

Dana, Jared, what happens to what goes
around comes around?

What happens to adventure?

Why read stories about Christmas
miracles when you can be a Christmas

That's a terrible speech.

Think that's really cute. Guys, okay,
please.

Please.

I've got my family's Christmas dinner.
But it's not even Christmas Day. It's

tradition. So if you want my help, we're
going to have to make a slide deal as

well.

How long

is

this dinner tradition?

Half an hour?

Maddie hasn't updated anything yet. I'll
get a notification, and when she does,

we'll go.

But try and have a nice time, Ellie.
Okay.

But, Jared, before we go in, I don't
have a lot of experience with Indian

traditions. Neither do I. Let's go.

Okay. Can you smell it? Can you smell
it?

I'm so hungry.

Well, that's the best. That's what it
is.

Hi, Mom.

Who are you?

Who's your friend? Ellie.

She's a lost American.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

Not that you're lost, but you're
American.

Oh, that's too bad. Oh, dear. Oh, sweet
heart. Mom,

can we have a sausage roll?

Yeah, Nick has got a plate of Cavanossi
and cheese cubes, I see.

Come, darling. I'm going to meet you up.

Don't say you love me. Don't say you
love me.

Don't say you love me.

Any Christmas I've ever had.

No snowmen.

No tension.

My dad never made a big deal about
Christmas.

And now my husband makes a huge fuss
over every little detail.

Like this.

Oh, this looks easy.

This looks happy.

We are mostly.

But sometimes there's tension.

Nikki plays the Michael Buble album.

24 hours.

Oh,

my parents never had any other kids.

So I've only really got Aaron and his
family. People you're related to, hey?

You've got no choice there.

The genetics don't make a family.

You decide who your family is, believe
me.

One second.

Do you guys need more space?

So, were you just possessed by the
entire Better Homes and Gardens team?

Yes, Al. If I can't pick right, this is
some loyalty -free music behind it. DIY

decorating. Oh, my God. Stay -at -home
moms will love it.

They'll share anything.

I use heart yoga.

And 17 other things, yeah.

Oh, you must.

Oh, yeah, you do yoga?

No, no, no, making his own work.

Oh, trust me, if I ever down with dog,
I'd get a hernia. Tell me what's his

book. Yeah, they're all about... His
baby names.

Yeah.

To fit in like a puzzle piece.

your hubby.

Yeah. Yeah, I never asked that.

I lied about wanting something that I
really wasn't sure about.

About starting a family.

That isn't enough.

I don't know how many times I need to
tell you something before it burns its

into your thick skull. I'm so sorry, old
face.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle
bells.

I'm not hungry and I have math.

She'll be fine.

Surprise, it's Christmas.

She'll run straight back to the hotel
just to get away from all the joy and

cheer.

Hi.

Sharon. She's been up and busy all
night, right?

It's not like that. She explained that
she's just excited to see me.

She's not the same.

Yes, she is.

Just don't go there, mate.

You don't need a shield like that.

me yeah sure ellie is stubborn but she's
the only person i know

who's as stubborn as you are dad you're
nothing to worry about okay nothing's

gonna happen thanks for the chat

Wow, they're almost as good at
intonating as you.

What do you expect?

Oh, my God.

And that's the final step, looking like
a hot mess.

That's official T -shirt, Sam.

Oh,

I'm so proud.

I'm going to need to bring about 40
packets of these back home with me.

Or listens to other people sing carols.

That's why we were kind of banned from
my nephew's school holiday concert.

When did the concert start?

About an hour ago. I saw it on TV.

Let's go, Earl. Let's go to your
husband's house for a shortcut.

Seat belts?

Hell, safety first.

What?

What

about

you? What are you going to do? Dana's
got the getaway car covered. And me?

I'm the diversion.

Finally, brother.

I cannot seem to find this restaurant. I
must have taken the wrong turn.

This restaurant is in England.

Oh.

Well, I did take the wrong turn.

You know how it is, man, when you're new
to the place.

This? You haven't seen this before?

No, I haven't. Bro, you've seen this,
right?

What's that?

Oh, my God. You guys have not seen this
before. This is so big in India, man.

You do a little bit of this on the dance
floor. This.

You do a bit of that.

Do a bit of that.

Excellent.

Hey, this is cool. Last time I was
backstage, I was yelling lines at a kid

my class who was playing Peter Pan.

I used to get a high.

He may or may not have wet himself.

The boys are the danger.

I'm really sorry about earlier today.

Don't. Don't bring shit through.

Thanks.

Friends, you weird, strange klepto.

Smile. We love Chris and Carol.

Yeah, I do.

I'm just tired.

Maybe you just need to relax.

It is the line.

Say great.

I'm fine, thanks.

I knew you didn't want it. Maybe nothing
makes sense.

Do you want to dance?

Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

Move.

Ah, no, I don't think I should.

You know, I had to think that you're
special enough.

Isn't that when you wear glasses?

Hey, look, what are you doing?

Don't you want... No, seriously, that's
not cool. Okay.

What are you doing?

In Australia?

I'm here to tell the truth.

I know you and Uncle Aaron had a fight.

Yeah.

And I came here to get him back.

To be honest, he's...

Sad without you? He was just kissing
that Shannon woman.

She's been trying to get to his pants
since he got here.

He's really not into it.

So go in there and punch her in the
face.

Is that Miss Kerr? Oh, God.

I know it's customary for employees to
get their boss a present, so I thought

I'd give you yours.

I quit.

See? Told you he wasn't interested.

They are not here.

Do you know where they are? Orang
-Ulearn, Wim?

Dinner.

The universe hates me. Why? My phone's
dead.

Don't worry.

I know someone who's great at finding
people.

Come on, Maddie.

I also never gave you soy milk.

Toodles.

Well, actually, you know, the iPhone was
originally found in maybe India.

Let's go!

Go, let's go!

What?

What happened? We're not getting to see
my door.

I gotta go to her car.

I was just going up to his room, and he
was in a wild shot.

He loved Christmas.

I'm going to grand jet through my air
ball.

On the first day of Christmas, my true
love gave to me a partridge in a pear

tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true
love gave to me two turtles up in a pear

tree.

It's good health. Healthkeeping by Steve
Irwin. It's awesome.

I've never had a chance to make a key
change with a Wernherman. Ellie.

Erin's been trying to call you. I
dropped my phone in the toilet.

I googled how to fix that. You got a six
or... It doesn't matter.

Where's Erin?

Oh, Erin. He, uh, well, you see, he had
to, uh...

That's the cord.

He left.

Where is he staying now?

Oh, um, no, sweetie, he's flying back to
L .A. He said he was going to pack some

clothes and just take some time out. I
think, I don't really think he knows

he wants.

No, no, no, he's the only person I've
ever met that knows exactly what they

to do.

I've lost him. You're not giving up that
easily.

I'm fierce.

What flight is he on?

L .A. L .A. You're not going to make any
fun.

Because you're a provider.

What? What are you talking about?

That's not true.

What just happened?

Lovely.

That's what I need on the job. That was
your idea.

Excuse me, I just

wanted you to tell me why the

bus is running so late.

Oh, no, sorry, mate. You're after a
transit authority. We're actual

But, uh, where are you going so late
anyway, mate? Where am I going?

Uh, I'm just going to the airport.

It's just a bag.

I'm just going to the airport. The
airport?

I'm flying back to America to find my
wife.

That's weird.

Because you're an Australian guy looking
for his American wife. And earlier, we

met an American lady looking for her
Australian husband. Like, that's just

random. Yeah. Random. More, huh?

Yeah. More. Like, half an orange, but a
pound.

Like, more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, real small. And then
you meet someone, and then it gets

smaller, and then it'll be nothing.

My boss was telling me, if we're done
with tiny, tiny little worlds, then it

even gets smaller, and then sometimes it
gets bigger, like when you try to walk

or something.

That is right, mate, that is right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no,

no American war has not yet begun.

Now what?

I don't know.

Eleanor Parker?

Ingrid? What do you want? I'm here to
get your aunt back to her husband.

Wait, I saw you at the concert.

You're Shannon's friend.

I was.

Until I realized she's kind of insane.

Did you hear Taylor's out here?

Dude, that's very appealing.

No, Shannon set up some email alerts on
Aaron's travel plan.

Excuse me?

No, reiterate.

She's insane.

Anyway, I figured you guys were going to
go after him. I was.

It's too late.

I'll never catch him now.

Well, there's nothing so much to be
accomplished.

I want to fly private.

Look, I don't know where he found it,
but your dog may have eaten a tired jar

pickle relish from 1993 with diarrhea
all over my new carpet.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

It's all right. It's funny.

I just have to buy some bleach.

Okay.

Thanks. Oh, you smell nasty.

I think we're going to go stay somewhere
else tonight.

Maybe a highway motel. I'm sure they
won't mind some white marks and

I think it's expected.

You all right?

Just you and me, buddy.

Just you and me.

What do you think?

You're clearly made up of mine.

I'm just on my way out. Do you need
something?

Do you have a minute?

We're new friends.

Right? What are you doing?

Okay, this is super weird.

You think this is weird?

She had a concussion.

Tried to break her foot.

And had a gay time. A lot of time.

Thanks, guys.

Okay, cliff note.

I think Australia's quite a nice place.

Really? Okay, Aaron, I've flown halfway
around the world and back again.

All because I wanted to find you.

But that's not what matters.

What matters is being happy.

And I'm happy when I'm doing a job I
love.

Okay, I'm happy when I'm around weird,
kind people.

But I am happiest when I'm with you.

Even when you surprise me with live
animals. Ellie. I know I lied. Okay, and

sorry. Ellie, I'm sorry.

I put too much pressure on you and I
didn't ask you what you wanted.

I was just excited.

If you don't want to... No, I want to.

I already have an amazing family and
it's not based on genetics.

It's based on love.

So if you can stick with me for a little
bit while I get my stuff together, I

can learn to be a great mom.

And you will be an awesome dad.

I love you, Aaron Parker.

I love you.

It's like watching Animal Planet.

This is so gross.

We should definitely leave. Yeah, I
second that.

Now, about the new clients from this
quarter.

Krista?

such a success. I know starting from
scratch is always hard, but Nora L.

Designs is slowly becoming a success.

Brilliant. Oh, and Krista, hope you
don't have any big plans in mid -May.

I did find out about an interior design
show in San Francisco. We could go. Oh,

we should probably wait. You might be a
little busy running the place for a

while. I'm going to be needing to take a
little bit of time off.

Oh, wow.

We're done.

Christmas you can use candles

It's making me beam. It's you, me, and
mistletoe.

I'll sing of a Christmas tree lit up
with a gift for me.

But this time, this is top of the list.

It's you, me, and mistletoe. It's been
till the night.