Original subtitles

Now on ION, it's Christmas and Ellie is missing her husband, literally. My

husband, he's gone missing.

Now she must travel to Australia to find him. Looks like someone's been

traveling around the world.

And along the way... Trying to have a nice time, Ellie. She discovers what's

been missing all along.

This doesn't look like any Christmas I've ever had.

It's the all -new holiday movie, Christmas Down Under.

Premieres now.

Only on ION.

People say Christmas is a time when magic happens.

Well, when I was a little kid, I didn't really have a lot, so magic

was pretty hard to come by.

My dad tried to make our lives as magical as he could, but he went about

wrong way.

Years later...

Another magic -free, crappy Christmas.

Somebody hit my car.

Well, I'm doing fine. Thank you for asking.

Can you just fill up the form, please?

I just got passed over for a promotion. I wanted to make myself feel better.

Retail therapy, I guess. Can you just fill up the form, please? I was in the

Daily Discount Warehouse parking lot. This guy crashes into my door. You know

what? He sees off and then... Have yourself a Merry Christmas. Excuse me.

Hi, look. My name's Aaron. Sorry to bother you. I'm a tourist here, and

just stole my bag.

I'm not a cop.

But this is the local police station, isn't it?

No, of course it is. There is just nobody here.

But you're there. You'll be able to help me, right? I mean, this guy went south.

Or maybe west.

But you can still catch him, right?

Out of nowhere, he entered my life in the most unusual way.

You had no plan at all. I think maybe, just maybe, there was a spark of

Christmas magic that night.

And I want you to listen now. I, well, I was hurt.

Take, take.

Oh, no, I'm temporary.

What the heck?

He just hung up.

Hi,

everyone. Sorry to interrupt.

My name's Aaron. I'm from Australia. I was talking to a woman who's been rammed

by a car. Aaron?

I just... Fell?

This Christmas, I'll dream of a private yacht.

Sail anywhere if it's hot.

But I got the dream that's making me beam. It's you, me, and this is me.

I'll dream of a Christmas tree.

Lit up with a gym for me.

With this diocese to the top of the list.

This song is for you, my dear.

Just to clarify, on my signal, you surprise everyone, they take photos, and

we're back, okay? Your signal. My signal. Your signal. My signal. Yeah.

I say surprise.

Surprise. Surprise. Yeah. Okay, don't worry. I'm prepared. Don't focus.

Check on myself, Santa Claus, or some Nicholas. Just don't mess around, okay?

Let's go. I won't mess around.

Do you want to mess around with my, uh... Get out. Come on. You're a Santa

Claus. You're a Santa Claus. Come on. No. No. Up. Up. Up. Come on.

I have a few words to say.

So when I was growing up, my dad would say, Ellie, don't need accolades because

nothing is as rewarding as a job well done. Are you trying to tell us we're

getting a bonus this year?

Well, not a cash bonus, per se. Well, what kind of bonus are we getting then,

per se?

Dear

valued

employees, please accept this voucher for 10 % off any feelings -blessed

cleaning products.

Have a happy and safe non -denominational celebration this winter.

What the hell is that?

Well, it's sale. on liquid bowl cleaners are down.

So, Tanya and everyone at head office are trying to save some money. Last

we got a check.

This year, they started talking about making cups.

What? No, no, no. This is ridiculous.

What are you doing? Oh, my God.

We're getting fired at our office Christmas party. This is the most

day of my life. Well, it's in the top ten. No, nobody is getting fired. Okay?

Definitely.

Not today. A head officer said to consider postponing our break to make up

the shortcomings. Now I have a surprise for everyone.

I'm not postponing. No way. My stepkids are arriving tomorrow.

My sister's taking me stand. She's got a huge divorce settlement.

And I'm visiting my grandma.

I'm sorry, boss.

Oh, wait. Who sold the least slushy fragrance?

Because I think it's obvious.

This is my fault.

You screwed up the heart.

Okay, so that's a no to postponing our break.

Now, let's discuss an early back -to -work day.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

Donald, Donald,

calm down.

I've sold cleaner for 20 years and they don't think I've sold enough? This is a

holiday party.

We're supposed to be having fun.

Right, Victor? You're right, Bob.

I do put fun on the memo.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Last year it was at a restaurant.

Martini. Oh, yeah.

Well, happy holidays.

Ellie, everything is going to work out. I can draw up a distribution plan for

Donald's case load for after the holidays.

Yeah, you're probably right.

And I'll email through our final sales figures through tonight. That should

Tanya happy.

And we didn't do too badly. So long as I get emails of Donald's report in the

Langdon sale, we should be fine.

Which report?

The Langdon sale.

Oh, right.

That we've been working on all month. I don't have it yet.

Well, I need to get it. That's my time.

We'll get through this.

I have faith in you. But I just said that we need to... Nobody's getting

I can draw up a distribution plan on the flight.

Okay? See you in the new year.

How are you?

Well, I'm so glad Donald called.

But I don't recall anyone being upset.

The night could not have gone worse.

Well, actually, it wasn't pretty.

You're right. You know what? You're always right, and that's why I love you.

Come on.

Aaron. It's my favorite song.

The look underneath facing you half -nude will be forever ratcheting to my

brain. Yeah.

Hey, I don't want to make you feel better.

You can have your Christmas present early.

Okay.

Oh, wait. You're not doing the sexy Santa thing again, are you? Because that

not pretty. You know what, Trish? That's a bad idea. I wrote my lesson.

Yeah, one second.

What did you do?

I forgot any holes.

Seriously, hurry up. I forgot any holes.

What?

Oh, hello, dog.

Aaron, I can't deal with this right now.

It's practice.

But you named the puppy practice. No, I named the dog Belthazor. And he's

practice for both of us. We can teach him how to bark, send him to the kennel

he talks back.

Oh, Aaron, I can't. Look, I know that you're nervous about being a parent, but

you're going to be amazing, and Belthazor is going to help prove that.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. As if I didn't put up with

enough proof tonight.

It's just about being with the ones that you love.

Guess they're just going to be us this year.

You make me feel so special.

You know.

Your parents fly out every year for you and Sam.

Yeah, they said it's lucky that we've married Americans because I always had a

free holiday home.

Oh, it always seems pretty nice.

The beautiful... The rainforests? Yeah, filled with spiders.

They can kill you.

White sandy beaches?

That thing gives me a rash. And the ocean is full of jellyfish.

They can kill you.

Shrimp on the barbie.

You know that we call them prawns, right? And people do die from shellfish.

I just don't know why they changed their mind at the last moment, you know? It

just doesn't make sense.

What's this?

Let me guess.

New type of breath mint, right?

Yeah. Stops bad breath. They really should make that clearer on the

I thought that we were trying.

We are.

I'm just... Just stop, okay? Ellie, you lied to me. Aaron, I did not lie.

You told me that you weren't taking the pill and you are.

That's the definition of a lie.

I don't think not telling your partner about your contraception is in the

dictionary, Adam. Do you even want to have kids?

I... I have been under so much stress. Don't be

telling that I don't know what stress is, okay?

Just tell me.

What's this really about?

Well... Aaron.

It's about your dad.

Yeah.

It's about my dad. He got that right.

You know what? Don't do that. Don't turn this back on me. Just leave him out of

it. Okay, fine.

So?

Maybe I just need more time.

Ellie, we've already waited, okay? A family is important to me. We spoke

this. We made a decision.

I want to be a dad, and that is not going to change. Do not answer that.

Ellie, we need to talk about this right now. I need to know. Aaron, Aaron, just

wait.

Ellie. One sec. Please, don't take that call.

One sec. One second.

Hi, Tanya.

I'm sorry.

No, I haven't heard from Krista. She's catching a plane.

The party, yeah, it was a heck of a party as far as parties go. It was...

Yeah, it was one of them.

Yeah, Donald said he quit.

But I'm sure it was just a joke. No, but it was classic Donald.

Yeah, his report.

About that.

I'll send it to you as soon as I can.

Sooner than I can, of course.

Do.

Well,

I better get to it.

I mean, get it for me.

No, no, I'll send it to you because he sent it to me.

Because it's complete.

Okay.

Yeah.

Bye, Tanya.

Aaron.

Look, Aaron, I'm sorry.

Okay, Tommy's just freaking out.

Aaron!

Okay, Aaron, I'm sorry. Please, please come back. Please call me back.

I love you.

I just don't have.

A mall?

Yes, I can.

Ah!

You guys finally came!

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited!

Yes! You guys should get the tickets from them.

Where are you guys staying? I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm

uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh... I'm in, uh...

in,

uh...

Hey, hello?

Tell Frank you'll be back at the office after you drop off my clothes for Marie.

And tell her she's a laundry woman just to clean my pockets. I know that woman's

gay.

And hey, here's the gold card.

Here's the company card.

Oh, something so rich it is funny, can't be?

I haven't seen you since we alphabetized the Rolodex at, uh...

Well, how old have we been? What, 16, 17? Yeah. Oh, I was 16.

You were 16 and a half.

Did you focus on little things?

I don't know how to respond to that without saying what she said.

Hi, I'm the chair. Wait a minute.

You've got a driver now.

Did you end up managing Turner Events?

I'm vice president of promotions and marketing.

Wow. Yeah.

Last thing I remember, you were stealing pens from the supply closet.

No,

that's why I'm only vice president.

Oh.

Hey, where are you going?

I'll give you a lift.

No, it's fine. I've got a foot. No, I'm here.

It's not my car, isn't it?

Coach Payne's down. Tell us.

You won the fight, but I wasn't impressed.

Sure. Thank you.

Thank you.

A representative will be happy to assist you. Please remain on the line. I'm

going to stop.

I'll take a seat in a minute.

Oh, oh, oh, happy holidays.

You'll bring Sandra to the workshop.

Next time, we're here to help.

All customer service representatives are currently helping other customers.

Hello, how can I provide you with excellent customer service today? Oh my

goodness, it's going everywhere.

Ma 'am?

All this way just to see your parents.

It's so nice.

You're so lovely.

To this day, your mom makes the best brownies I've ever had.

Why do brownies don't read?

Are you sure that you're Italian? I can swap seats with you. I'm good.

So, didn't we move to the U .S. to get married or something?

Yeah, and I'm Sinelli.

Except she's back at home. We had to build this family.

Oh.

I want to start making a family, and she's hesitant.

She'll work it out.

For what it's worth, I think you'd be a really great dad.

You really think so?

Yeah.

Thanks for watching.

Of course.

I freaked out twice when I was on the road.

Smile.

All time fake, you know.

Uh -huh.

Hey, let's eat dinner tonight.

Oh, no. I won't take my friend out. Well, it's just I've got my family here.

Oh, they won't mind. It'll be fun.

That's the least I can do for you not wrapping me out about those payments.

Feel cool?

I... Great, I'll see you...

an appearance of success and success will appear before you.

I think my dad read more fortune figures than parenting books. I don't know why

I'm quoting him now. It's been a year.

You know, I'm never really even liked my dad.

Yeah, you'll understand that soon.

No, Aaron actually likes his family.

There's no guarantee you'll get a good one or that you'll magically become an

amazing parent.

Karen Parker being tagged in a photo with Shannon Kerr.

Shannon Kerr?

That's her little crush.

Apparently she's a little crazy.

Look at those eyes.

Look. Those crazy eyes.

Built the door. I'd screw it up. I miss him.

I need him.

We need him.

So I'm going to go get him.

Ellie, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Bob.

Ellie.

Oh, hi, little guy.

Hey, what are you doing here? I'm here to get my personal items.

That wasn't your Chinese food and fridge, was it?

Because this puppy here was really super hungry.

I guess that's okay, then.

I have to go drop him off for a couple of days at a cold, lonely kennel.

I wish I could find someone to babysit this cute, little, fishy, little animal.

Wentz, did you say he likes Chinese food?

Because I think we might get along just fine.

Mom, I'm home. I'm so glad you were coming. I almost died.

Man, you're in a limo. You're fancy.

How are you?

You look tired.

No, I'm fine with that.

Robert!

Hi, Mike!

G'day, Dad.

Hey, you!

I was just fixing the switch on the blower here.

Tell you what, it's bloody hot in there, mate. The fan's not working.

Well, what's the matter with the fan?

Retirement seems to be driving him a little certifiable.

Really, Dad?

And you know, after that, I've got to fix the freezer.

Darling, your sister has a family and she's really busy.

Could you take your dad for a while so I don't lose any more white goods?

You know what, Barb?

We should just chuck a few bob out and buy ourselves an air conditioner, eh?

Where's Eleanor?

Oh, she's still back at home.

Are you okay, sweet pea?

You know what I think it would be good to get out of the hamster business?

Oh, fuck you!

Oh, fuck you!

He's getting worse, you know.

I can still take 240.

It's good luck.

Just because the invitation says open bar doesn't mean you chug champagne and

throw up all over the wedding cake.

Brad, aloha. I know you're upset. I know you're upset.

Tommy, look, it's your future.

There you go.

Not by choice.

Okay.

I think you're sitting in my seat.

Oh, I'm sorry. You're going to have to sit here because Brad, he wants to mix

because I'm a safety man.

You know what?

You didn't really like it when I caught the big thing.

You didn't catch the bouquet, Jodi.

You fell into a bush.

You know what? Flowers are flowers. Get over it, Brad.

is a wedding burn.

You need to fix your doorbell.

Bring your dad.

Yeah, I hope you don't mind.

You probably need a battery.

You said it was going to be fun, right?

Of course.

You got any triple A's? Come in.

Whoa. Take a bite of that, eh?

A long movie.

Can I impress it?

Hey. Oi!

You've got a Sydney puddle out there.

Thanks for coming.

Oh, thanks for having me.

You're great. And a coat hanger, eh?

All you need is a drawer, bridge, and have everything, wouldn't you? Thank

All right.

Do you want a drink? Very. Or champagne?

Whatever you're having. Grab that one as well. That looks like a happier New

Guinean headdress, that does. Thank you.

We shan't touch.

Why not?

Great. I'm dazed. Yeah? I'll get the drink.

All right. You're done.

Seriously, can you behave?

Oh, God. It's like the inside of a mapper.

Take your seats. The Fast and the Safe outside is on.

I know his family hate me because I met him during his speech at his sister's

wedding. No one hates you, but if you knew you would be an aggressive drunk.

Why'd you drink?

I'm still drinking.

Still drinking.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me.

I need a new seat.

The plane is full. I'm fine.

Maybe there is someone who would swap with me.

Just...

Try to relax.

You know what? Damn it, Brad. There wasn't even that much blood.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

What we do behind closed doors is our business.

Not to project out for the whole world to see. Okay?

Wow, this is incredible.

Thanks. Cheers.

So, Aaron.

Hi, Sharon.

What do you do? Do you do big parties or something like that?

Shannon. I head into their events.

Oh. Millions of dollars.

Thousands of audience members have events.

And it all started from a slam together.

Wouldn't it be great if we started working together again?

How much fun we'd have.

Yeah, I'm sure you'd make it fun.

And get away, Pete. That's what I'm saying.

I teach second grade, so I get to read books and watch professional cartoons.

Wow.

Engaging in a child and imagination of the day.

Hey, you got any more apple juice?

In the fridge.

All right.

You want any more wine? Yeah, sure. Thanks, man. No, I guess.

I

know

you want a Christmas concert at the minute.

It's the biggest event we do all year.

Hey, Karen, where's your coat skirt?

Bottom drawer to the left.

I've always liked Christmas carols. Yeah? Yeah, you like that reindeer one,

Randy Adolph. What's his name?

Dad, seriously, it's Rudolph.

Rudolph, that's it.

I think you need a ticket for the show, for you and your family.

Consider it a retirement present, Robert, and a welcome present to you.

The corkscrew was old enough to bite.

I slipped out of the hand and just... I told you I should have brought a bottle

of wine with you.

Take your pick.

Not that one.

There's a screw on me.

You won't be able to screw that up, Dad.

I'll do the dead jacks.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

For he's a jolly good fellow.

Miss, I ask that you return to your seat. I know.

Have some seatbelts signed. Okay.

No! No, no, no, no, no!

Ooh, I'm guessing with the chicken?

Okay,

so I... Yes, yes, I know.

Okay,

but I need to... Yes, yes, American tourist.

Yeah,

but... Yeah,

but...

Gather round.

Gather round.

Come closer.

Let me tell you about the dream time.

Men and women took the forms of spirit and created our world.

The land.

The sea.

The sky.

But most important, Uncle Jono's gift shop and cafe.

Are you okay?

Gosh,

you look like you're about to... Wake

up!

I don't know, you just came

over and then you passed out.

What, passed out?

Well, yeah, you're wearing a jumper and 40 friggin' degree heat, mate. I had to

pull you into the shade, otherwise you were going to cark it.

It sounds like you're speaking English, but I don't think you are.

Are you okay?

Um, I gotta go.

My husband, Aaron, is with some girl someplace, and I gotta find him.

So you're gonna find one person by yourself?

Excuse me?

Oh,

yeah.

In the taxi.

No, no, it's my, it's my, it's my suitcase.

I don't even know where he's staying. I don't know where his parents live.

I don't even know what time it is.

Do you know what time it is?

Do you know where I should go?

Do you know crocodiles, indeed?

I'm on your nincompoop.

Just so I can help you out this one time.

You know, what goes around comes around.

Yeah.

Gugiano! I'm chucking and sticking!

No problem, love.

Yeah, come on.

You know, back at the harbour, I'm not even speaking half the truth to all

gamuters.

So you're not really a native. You're just faking it.

Yeah, no, I'm indigenous. It's just that, you know, my culture's pretty

It's not for sale.

I just kind of put on a bit of a show, you know?

It's a pretty easy gig.

Anyway, we're going to go to my other job now.

And do you fake it there too?

Are you kidding?

I can't fake the excitement of cleaning up strangers' vomit.

I get free chunks of fairy floss.

I'm just kidding.

But I do get VIP access to the lost and found.

We're going to get you some new clothes.

I'm Dana, by the way.

Eleanor.

Nice to meet you, Nora.

No, Ellie would work too.

Oh, what's in the case?

Parts of the last American that I helped.

Nah, I'm just kidding.

It's actually a saxophone.

Do you play saxophone?

Well, yeah. What did you think? I just played the didgeridoo or something.

I think the saxophone's pretty sexy.

Do you play any instruments?

No, never have, actually. I manage a team selling toilet cleaning products.

Every little kid's dream.

Yeah, well, not what I always wanted.

What did you used to want?

I used to like decorating my room.

I was at work, so I kept myself busy. I was rearranging or building.

shells out of whatever I found on my way back from school.

I even used to throw new curtains from old clothes and even not old pants my

had in a box.

He was unimpressed.

Yikes.

Oh.

Are you sure you're okay?

You could have a concussion, you know.

Do you have any painkillers?

Hold this.

I think I've got some gummy vitamins here.

Oh, okay.

Just stay away from the green ones. Trust me on that.

All right.

Seriously, don't eat them.

Let's go.

Is all of this hot? Yep.

Here we are, plenty of this season's best hot cells.

So the bathroom's straight through and to the right.

So I just go straight through the giant demon clown mouth from Every Child's

Nightmare and to the right? Straight through the giant demon clown mouth to

right.

Sounds good.

Oh, and don't talk to old mate.

That'll do.

Got it.

Oh, man.

Come on. All right.

Wow, you look steady.

Yeah, to be convicted of arson. These were the only clothes not covered in

type of bodily fluid. Wait, there were clothes that were not covered in bodily

fluid? It's a Christmas miracle.

Now, next stop.

Someone who can help you find what you seek. A genius.

I don't want to do it. It's going to hurt.

I don't want to do it. Dave, are you wearing your vest, mate? These things

bullets. Are you even going to move the table? No, you do it, Dan. You've got a

vest. Dave, stop being a wuss. I'm not a wuss.

I've eaten rocks before.

Three, two, one. No.

What are you doing?

I'm doing a little bit of learning and development stuff.

Help me.

How can we help you? Your security said to give you this.

Security?

We don't have a security.

Kevin!

Get back in your cell, would you? Stop telling people you're at security.

Mom, I can't feel my arm.

Anyway, how can we help you?

My new tour guide friend said a yoga instructor has some good advice, but I

insisted that we stop here first and ask people who job have. We're kind of

busy. Oh, if you could just get on with it.

Yeah, well, my husband, he's gone missing.

And I lost everything.

I lost my phone, my passport, luggage, everything.

Okay, so let me get this straight.

Your husband's gone AWOL, and everything you own is missing.

Then can I interest you in one of these little puppies? That is a missing

persons report, so just fill that out.

And give us the most recent photo. You've got to be hubby, and we'll put

below.

Should be sweet. Well, I have no pictures of him.

My phone, you know, it's gone.

Everything's gone.

Forget about the photo. What we'll do is we'll get our police expert to draw a

picture of him.

That'd be wonderful. Thank you. Hey, David.

What? You ready to draw a picture?

Oh, yeah.

There you go. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Okay. Looks like I'm still going to the yoga instructor.

Dana! She must have a bad back.

Lunch?

Yeah, just going to bring the table.

Oh, you brought it, didn't you?

And down to your center.

Everyone say inner peace.

Inner peace.

And now you're all hashtag blessed.

Make sure to check out my videos on finding your inner strength as well as

woman falls down escalator.

Namaste.

Ana, could you please... Jared!

Dana Bovena, what's up?

I need your help.

Chakras off? No.

Can't open a PDF on your phone?

Yes, but no.

You're not a tourist.

Bingo! Here she is.

Oh, crap!

I thought you were about to steal my wallet.

This is Nora. Oh, Eleanor.

Pleased to meet you, Elle.

Do Australians just not hear the right name?

What is it you see? My husband.

We had a fight in... Is he around any teenagers?

Yeah, he's got a name. I want to say... Maddie?

Maddie Parker -Allis.

That's it.

What? That's them, right?

Yeah.

Isn't this considered stalking? Small.

This isn't even the beginning. I told you you could help. Well, how do we get

there? I'll drive. I'm about to drop my shift anyhow.

You've got Zoom rideshare apps. Yeah, do it. She flew around the world. Almost

died. Well, you've got Zoom, right?

Excellent. And Elle, you look like a torture backpacker. Or you're about to

torture a backpacker. I can't decide. It's the shorts. They're confusing. Just

try not to look so threatening.

You're going to help me?

I'm always up for a little bit of adventure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey.

Charlie's packed up. Yeah?

All right, this is where they were. Do you see a fellow anywhere?

Aaron won't be down there. Sam gives him a rat.

Sounds like a cool guy.

With a cafe?

Looks empty.

No updates from Maddie.

Okay, think logically. Do we... Go to the Harvard Bridge? Do we go to the

House? What else do people who are new to Australia do? Thank God they're not

New Zealand.

Ask us about shrimp and Barbie dolls. Get upset with us for swearing a lot.

upset with themselves when they start swearing. Yell it up in other languages.

I'm such a toy to see which way the water goes. Ask if a dingo stole my

Okay, guys, literally none of this helped. Yeah, but it's a pretty sweet

though, don't you reckon?

Yeah, maybe this is it.

Happy New Year.

I like it.

picking up, huh?

Nah.

She probably hasn't got reception, no. I just don't know what she wants anymore.

I mean, the last couple of months I've been banging my head against a brick

wall.

Hey.

I've got band -aids. What happened?

Ellie?

Ellie?

No, silly. It's Shannon.

Hey, Shannon.

bottle crying out loud. I'll see you soon. Okay, ciao. Okay, bye.

It's Sharon. She wants me to go pick up tickets from her office.

She wasn't a bit content when we were kids, was she?

You were both a little special.

It's unbelievable.

I tell you what, I'll come with you and I'll take another bottle of wine. I'll

go get changed and see you at the car.

Aaron! Robert.

G'day, love. Want me to open another bottle of wine for you?

Aaron, do you like the office?

Merry Christmas!

Great. This is a bit OCD, isn't it?

Someone needs counselling. Too much time on their hands.

You can't eat it, though.

We paid a Swedish designer $4 ,000 to create it. $4 ,000? You'd buy a Toyota

Corolla for that.

Okay, a latte.

Would you like one?

Oh, for free? Yeah, let me.

Oh, yeah, a double shot flat white, you know.

Is it soy?

Take that.

And there's someone I want you to meet.

Come through.

Oh, it's free.

Don't need any, eh?

I'll be one more boy.

Mr. Parker, I have heard a lot about you.

Hi. This is Frank, director of Turner Events.

Wow, it's really like it here.

Oh, great.

Fantastic job.

Please,

take a seat.

Sure. Yeah, just take a seat.

Maybe one more bite.

Take a seat.

Sorry, terrible joke. Not funny.

Okay.

So, Shannon tells me you used to work at the company.

Yeah, a year ago.

We found a nice one somewhere.

We didn't steal any stationery.

Bertie tells me you're on the job hunt.

What? Yes, we're looking for a senior project manager.

Shannon tells me you're very good with organising large groups.

Yes, large groups of kids. I'm a schoolteacher, an employed

sorry to waste your time, Frank, but I'm not actually looking for a job.

You did say you wanted to work together again?

I'm pretty sure that was you.

Lovely to meet you.

I guess I'll go.

Oh, yes. Yes, I suppose you should.

It's the weirdest interview I've ever had.

Oh, my God!

What the hell?

Oh, my God!

Hey,

what was it all about?

God, Aaron, I just mentioned to him earlier and... You'd get a kick out of

wanted.

Well, it was flattering, okay, but it's kind of weird and creepy.

Look, when I was first offered the job, it wasn't exactly what I wanted.

I sold a paycheck and I looked up cars I could buy one day.

I don't know, I just thought I could have the life that everybody wants.

You know, a job, safety, kids.

And now I'm just looking for a husband.

Holy Moses, mate. What have you done? This cost some poor bugger $4 ,000.

That wasn't me.

You did it. Why would you do that?

No, no, take them. Take them.

Forget about today and let's watch it tonight.

They'll get your family back.

I think you need a bit of anger management.

We'll have a lot of fun. Okay, yeah. Okay, I just... So lovely to see you,

We're going to go.

I've got a name of a good counsellor if you want to want one.

Okay, let's...

Here's your soy latte, mister.

It's 4 .30 and we close at 5, but I'm trying to knock off early. Thank you.

Hurry up.

All right. Merry Christmas, guys. Off you go. Thank you.

You don't get that one, do you, mate?

It's Twinkle, Santa.

All right. Please listen.

Santa's going to go feed the reindeers a little more eggnog. Are you all right

with that? I think the reindeers have had just about enough eggnog, actually.

Actually, I think the reindeers are still a little thirsty, mate.

Oh, well, we can differently nick. Everything okay in the North Pole? Wow.

I don't know.

Don't be silly.

Oh,

he's up, big elf. I need to get heavy. It's Christmas. I get the picture.

Make it quick.

Do you know where they find you?

A tic -tac will go astray.

Hello? Oh.

Hello, G'day.

Ho, ho, ho.

Excuse me?

Who are you? Probably on the naughty list we give off.

Hiya, cute little monster.

Can we get a photo with Santa?

Okay, so let me get this straight.

When you're born in America, you get given a pet bull's evil name, Bacon, who

then teaches you how to shoot bare arms?

Here you go, guys. Have a gay time.

It's a nice place.

Elliot is weird.

All right, I need to get back home.

Elle, where am I dropping you off? Yeah, I've got to get to my other job,

actually. Who's going to clean up the vomit?

But we haven't found Erin yet.

I think I might have, Doug.

I found you.

All

the

shots have been shot for hours. What are you still doing here? Thank you for

listening.

Where are they?

I guess we missed him.

They've got to be here.

I'm genuinely sorry.

Because I love watching people react to a grown woman dressed up like a 17 -year

-old. But time is money, and I'm not making any.

And that really clogs my chakras with negative energy.

You can't go.

I'll do whatever you want. I'm really late for work now.

I bet they're up to a code brown.

What is a... Oh, don't ask.

You guys want heavily discounted, industry -grade bathroom cleaning

Um... cleaning and odor eliminating.

I don't need chemicals.

Dana, Jared, what happens to what goes around comes around?

What happens to adventure?

Why read stories about Christmas miracles when you can be a Christmas

That's a terrible speech.

Think that's really cute. Guys, okay, please.

Please.

I've got my family's Christmas dinner. But it's not even Christmas Day. It's

tradition. So if you want my help, we're going to have to make a slide deal as

well.

How long

is

this dinner tradition?

Half an hour?

Maddie hasn't updated anything yet. I'll get a notification, and when she does,

we'll go.

But try and have a nice time, Ellie. Okay.

But, Jared, before we go in, I don't have a lot of experience with Indian

traditions. Neither do I. Let's go.

Okay. Can you smell it? Can you smell it?

I'm so hungry.

Well, that's the best. That's what it is.

Hi, Mom.

Who are you?

Who's your friend? Ellie.

She's a lost American.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

Not that you're lost, but you're American.

Oh, that's too bad. Oh, dear. Oh, sweet heart. Mom,

can we have a sausage roll?

Yeah, Nick has got a plate of Cavanossi and cheese cubes, I see.

Come, darling. I'm going to meet you up.

Don't say you love me. Don't say you love me.

Don't say you love me.

Any Christmas I've ever had.

No snowmen.

No tension.

My dad never made a big deal about Christmas.

And now my husband makes a huge fuss over every little detail.

Like this.

Oh, this looks easy.

This looks happy.

We are mostly.

But sometimes there's tension.

Nikki plays the Michael Buble album.

24 hours.

Oh,

my parents never had any other kids.

So I've only really got Aaron and his family. People you're related to, hey?

You've got no choice there.

The genetics don't make a family.

You decide who your family is, believe me.

One second.

Do you guys need more space?

So, were you just possessed by the entire Better Homes and Gardens team?

Yes, Al. If I can't pick right, this is some loyalty -free music behind it. DIY

decorating. Oh, my God. Stay -at -home moms will love it.

They'll share anything.

I use heart yoga.

And 17 other things, yeah.

Oh, you must.

Oh, yeah, you do yoga?

No, no, no, making his own work.

Oh, trust me, if I ever down with dog, I'd get a hernia. Tell me what's his

book. Yeah, they're all about... His baby names.

Yeah.

To fit in like a puzzle piece.

your hubby.

Yeah. Yeah, I never asked that.

I lied about wanting something that I really wasn't sure about.

About starting a family.

That isn't enough.

I don't know how many times I need to tell you something before it burns its

into your thick skull. I'm so sorry, old face.

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells.

I'm not hungry and I have math.

She'll be fine.

Surprise, it's Christmas.

She'll run straight back to the hotel just to get away from all the joy and

cheer.

Hi.

Sharon. She's been up and busy all night, right?

It's not like that. She explained that she's just excited to see me.

She's not the same.

Yes, she is.

Just don't go there, mate.

You don't need a shield like that.

me yeah sure ellie is stubborn but she's the only person i know

who's as stubborn as you are dad you're nothing to worry about okay nothing's

gonna happen thanks for the chat

Wow, they're almost as good at intonating as you.

What do you expect?

Oh, my God.

And that's the final step, looking like a hot mess.

That's official T -shirt, Sam.

Oh,

I'm so proud.

I'm going to need to bring about 40 packets of these back home with me.

Or listens to other people sing carols.

That's why we were kind of banned from my nephew's school holiday concert.

When did the concert start?

About an hour ago. I saw it on TV.

Let's go, Earl. Let's go to your husband's house for a shortcut.

Seat belts?

Hell, safety first.

What?

What

about

you? What are you going to do? Dana's got the getaway car covered. And me?

I'm the diversion.

Finally, brother.

I cannot seem to find this restaurant. I must have taken the wrong turn.

This restaurant is in England.

Oh.

Well, I did take the wrong turn.

You know how it is, man, when you're new to the place.

This? You haven't seen this before?

No, I haven't. Bro, you've seen this, right?

What's that?

Oh, my God. You guys have not seen this before. This is so big in India, man.

You do a little bit of this on the dance floor. This.

You do a bit of that.

Do a bit of that.

Excellent.

Hey, this is cool. Last time I was backstage, I was yelling lines at a kid

my class who was playing Peter Pan.

I used to get a high.

He may or may not have wet himself.

The boys are the danger.

I'm really sorry about earlier today.

Don't. Don't bring shit through.

Thanks.

Friends, you weird, strange klepto.

Smile. We love Chris and Carol.

Yeah, I do.

I'm just tired.

Maybe you just need to relax.

It is the line.

Say great.

I'm fine, thanks.

I knew you didn't want it. Maybe nothing makes sense.

Do you want to dance?

Excuse me.

Oh, my God.

Move.

Ah, no, I don't think I should.

You know, I had to think that you're special enough.

Isn't that when you wear glasses?

Hey, look, what are you doing?

Don't you want... No, seriously, that's not cool. Okay.

What are you doing?

In Australia?

I'm here to tell the truth.

I know you and Uncle Aaron had a fight.

Yeah.

And I came here to get him back.

To be honest, he's...

Sad without you? He was just kissing that Shannon woman.

She's been trying to get to his pants since he got here.

He's really not into it.

So go in there and punch her in the face.

Is that Miss Kerr? Oh, God.

I know it's customary for employees to get their boss a present, so I thought

I'd give you yours.

I quit.

See? Told you he wasn't interested.

They are not here.

Do you know where they are? Orang -Ulearn, Wim?

Dinner.

The universe hates me. Why? My phone's dead.

Don't worry.

I know someone who's great at finding people.

Come on, Maddie.

I also never gave you soy milk.

Toodles.

Well, actually, you know, the iPhone was originally found in maybe India.

Let's go!

Go, let's go!

What?

What happened? We're not getting to see my door.

I gotta go to her car.

I was just going up to his room, and he was in a wild shot.

He loved Christmas.

I'm going to grand jet through my air ball.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a partridge in a pear

tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me two turtles up in a pear

tree.

It's good health. Healthkeeping by Steve Irwin. It's awesome.

I've never had a chance to make a key change with a Wernherman. Ellie.

Erin's been trying to call you. I dropped my phone in the toilet.

I googled how to fix that. You got a six or... It doesn't matter.

Where's Erin?

Oh, Erin. He, uh, well, you see, he had to, uh...

That's the cord.

He left.

Where is he staying now?

Oh, um, no, sweetie, he's flying back to L .A. He said he was going to pack some

clothes and just take some time out. I think, I don't really think he knows

he wants.

No, no, no, he's the only person I've ever met that knows exactly what they

to do.

I've lost him. You're not giving up that easily.

I'm fierce.

What flight is he on?

L .A. L .A. You're not going to make any fun.

Because you're a provider.

What? What are you talking about?

That's not true.

What just happened?

Lovely.

That's what I need on the job. That was your idea.

Excuse me, I just

wanted you to tell me why the

bus is running so late.

Oh, no, sorry, mate. You're after a transit authority. We're actual

But, uh, where are you going so late anyway, mate? Where am I going?

Uh, I'm just going to the airport.

It's just a bag.

I'm just going to the airport. The airport?

I'm flying back to America to find my wife.

That's weird.

Because you're an Australian guy looking for his American wife. And earlier, we

met an American lady looking for her Australian husband. Like, that's just

random. Yeah. Random. More, huh?

Yeah. More. Like, half an orange, but a pound.

Like, more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, real small. And then you meet someone, and then it gets

smaller, and then it'll be nothing.

My boss was telling me, if we're done with tiny, tiny little worlds, then it

even gets smaller, and then sometimes it gets bigger, like when you try to walk

or something.

That is right, mate, that is right.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no American war has not yet begun.

Now what?

I don't know.

Eleanor Parker?

Ingrid? What do you want? I'm here to get your aunt back to her husband.

Wait, I saw you at the concert.

You're Shannon's friend.

I was.

Until I realized she's kind of insane.

Did you hear Taylor's out here?

Dude, that's very appealing.

No, Shannon set up some email alerts on Aaron's travel plan.

Excuse me?

No, reiterate.

She's insane.

Anyway, I figured you guys were going to go after him. I was.

It's too late.

I'll never catch him now.

Well, there's nothing so much to be accomplished.

I want to fly private.

Look, I don't know where he found it, but your dog may have eaten a tired jar

pickle relish from 1993 with diarrhea all over my new carpet.

Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

It's all right. It's funny.

I just have to buy some bleach.

Okay.

Thanks. Oh, you smell nasty.

I think we're going to go stay somewhere else tonight.

Maybe a highway motel. I'm sure they won't mind some white marks and

I think it's expected.

You all right?

Just you and me, buddy.

Just you and me.

What do you think?

You're clearly made up of mine.

I'm just on my way out. Do you need something?

Do you have a minute?

We're new friends.

Right? What are you doing?

Okay, this is super weird.

You think this is weird?

She had a concussion.

Tried to break her foot.

And had a gay time. A lot of time.

Thanks, guys.

Okay, cliff note.

I think Australia's quite a nice place.

Really? Okay, Aaron, I've flown halfway around the world and back again.

All because I wanted to find you.

But that's not what matters.

What matters is being happy.

And I'm happy when I'm doing a job I love.

Okay, I'm happy when I'm around weird, kind people.

But I am happiest when I'm with you.

Even when you surprise me with live animals. Ellie. I know I lied. Okay, and

sorry. Ellie, I'm sorry.

I put too much pressure on you and I didn't ask you what you wanted.

I was just excited.

If you don't want to... No, I want to.

I already have an amazing family and it's not based on genetics.

It's based on love.

So if you can stick with me for a little bit while I get my stuff together, I

can learn to be a great mom.

And you will be an awesome dad.

I love you, Aaron Parker.

I love you.

It's like watching Animal Planet.

This is so gross.

We should definitely leave. Yeah, I second that.

Now, about the new clients from this quarter.

Krista?

such a success. I know starting from scratch is always hard, but Nora L.

Designs is slowly becoming a success.

Brilliant. Oh, and Krista, hope you don't have any big plans in mid -May.

I did find out about an interior design show in San Francisco. We could go. Oh,

we should probably wait. You might be a little busy running the place for a

while. I'm going to be needing to take a little bit of time off.

Oh, wow.

We're done.

Christmas you can use candles

It's making me beam. It's you, me, and mistletoe.

I'll sing of a Christmas tree lit up with a gift for me.

But this time, this is top of the list.

It's you, me, and mistletoe. It's been till the night.