Original subtitles

[instrumental music]

Looking good, Junior.

Hey, you ready to take down Bar Harbor on Saturday?

-That's the plan. -[laughs] Oh, yeah.

All right, well, let's see how the Mosquito star player

can do against the Hall-of-Famer.

Come on. Okay. Hey, bud.

Hey, you pitched a great game last week, man.

I love cheering you on, buddy. Keep it up, all right?

I used to pitch for the Skeets back in the day, young gun.

[Mark] You know? I don't know if you've ever heard.

I was known far and wide for the "My Low High Low."

You think you can handle that pitch?

-Bring it on. -[Mark] Oh!

[laughs]

[suspenseful music]

-[groaning] -[bone cracks]

[groaning]

Oh, no!

[panting]

[instrumental music]

Mm...

Good morning, guys.

So, listen, I feel like I just, um,

I have to get really real with you guys.

Like, no gimmicks, no puns.

Just, like, me and you talking.

So, here's the thing.

My mom has been dating this loser,

I call him Dumb-Dumb, for, like, six months now.

And last night at dinner she tells me that he's moving in.

Like, "Pass the potatoes. You have a new dad."

So I made the decision to move out,

and I am not talking with her right now,

which is why I appreciate this community now more than ever.

What in God's name are you doing here?

I have a new show.

Coffee With Elaine. Unfiltered. No Sugar.

Great. I'm sure it'll be a big hit.

No, I mean, why are you here,

sleeping on my sofa?

-I moved out of my house. -Yeah, well, move back in.

I already have one unwanted house guest.

I don't need another.

Do you guys remember when I was telling you about

my amazing boss who's almost like a father figure?

Well, he died.

So now I'm stuck with this guy.

[upbeat music]

[door opens]

Morning!

Don't let the dog get...

[Elaine] Good morning, Sarah.

You should really name that dog.

Oh, I'm not giving him a name and I'm not giving him a home.

-What's going on here? -Oh, I'm--

Clearly, I have a trespasser.

Call the police. Why are you here?

Oh, I cut my finger on a rusty old lobster chip. You wanna see?

Yeah, no, uh, Elaine will take care of it.

Um, I-I should give you a tetanus shot, though.

That Eddie McCroy.

He's been getting into my lobstering territory again.

So I've had to start cutting off his buoys.

You're still feuding with him? When will this madness end?

When he's dead.

I'm gonna knock him out, and then I'm gonna stuff him

in an old rusty lobster trap,

and then I'm gonna throw him overboard.

I should give you a rabies shot, too.

You're foaming at the mouth.

[instrumental music]

Hey, look. What do you, uh, what do you think?

I mean, is it, is it cute?

Or does it, does it look like I'm trying too hard?

-I think it's adorable. Yeah. -Really?

I mean, maybe it would look better belted.

Louisa, I know, we're the gays,

but i-it's time you knew the truth.

We don't know anything about fashion.

-[Louisa scoffs] -Um, speak for yourself.

Twenty years ago when I was you-know-who's private chef,

designers, stylists were coming in and out.

And one night I was making dinner for... Ah!

-Ah. -It's killing you, isn't it?

Yes, never sign an NDA.

It's a prison you will never be free from.

Don't you have any female friends

you can talk fashion with?

Well, I-I mean, there-there's Nicole. Um...

She moved to Missoula. And then Corinne.

But then she had the twins, so...

And then I guess Mark just kind of became my-my whole world.

Well, I don't know zip about fashion,

but I do know that women need female friends,

if for no other reason, so we can bitch about

all the stupid, ignorant, immature, insensitive stuff

that men do. Present company excluded.

-Oh, stop. -But isn't it a little weird?

I mean, how am I supposed to go about

finding a best friend at my age?

I don't know, maybe at the victory party,

when we celebrate our win against Bar Harbor

all night long!

-Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz. -Bye, 12-year losing streak.

-Bye, Bar Harbor. -Oh!

Victory is within our grasp!

-Yes, I can taste it. -Go Woodpeckers!

Eddie McCroy, what are you doing here?

Why don't you and your hat go back

to Bar Harbor, where you belong?

I can set my traps anywhere I want.

How about you shut your trap and get the hell out of here?

Okay, okay, let's all calm down

and maybe save this enthusiasm for the baseball diamond?

-Fine. -Fine.

Go Mosquitos! And get this pecker out of here.

It's Woodpecker, and you know that.

-[groans] -This is bad.

I'll handle the diagnosis. Thank you, Elaine.

I messed up, doc. Junior is Skeeters' star player.

Strongest arm, biggest bat, but I should have known that

the "My Low High Low" could still defeat the best!

This is the first time in over a decade

we even had a shot at beating Bar Harbor.

Yeah, if it's all right with the Greek chorus,

I'd like to talk to the patient.

-What did he call us? -Just means shut up.

-Okay. -It's not serious, is it?

I don't know, i-it-it could be a muscle strain,

a-a pinched nerve, or the sign of a more serious problem.

[Martin] Junior, is there someone Elaine should call?

-I already called my dad. -Oh, I'm a dead man.

What happened? What's going on with my son?

-This is your son? -[Elaine] Yeah.

-He's Glendon Jr.. -[Glendon] What happened?

[Junior] I was putting in extra time at batting practice,

like we talked about, and then Mark came.

It wasn't my fault. It was the damn "My Low High Low."

I hurt my back, but I'm fine. I should be good by the game.

Okay. You better be.

You know, I was the star pitcher for the Skeets back in my day?

Do you know how proud it makes me that Junior here

is our best chance of beating Bar Harbor in 12 years?

This kid is already famous around here.

You hear that? Come on, champ. Let's get you into an ice bath.

Just so you know, champ may have a herniated disc

or something else that could lead to further injury.

-We should really just... Ah! -Ah! Ah!

-What happened? -Oh, my arm!

-[Glendon] Huh! What? -[Junior groans]

What did you do to my son?

[groaning]

[theme music]

[groans]

Looks like he broke his forearm.

It looks like you broke his forearm.

Unbelievable. Oh, y-you've ruined everything.

The game coming up, college scholarships.

No, it-it just doesn't make any sense his arm broke

that easily. I need to do some X-rays to further assess--

Oh, you've done enough.

I'm taking my son to Bar Harbor Hospital.

You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

What?

Ooh! Ha-ha!

I am loving that now this is all your fault.

-[Mark] Just, uh... -It's not my fault. Get out.

Ooh! Ha-ha...

It's just like a huge, like,

a huge weight off my shoulders.

[Mark] Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!

Hey, I'm sorry about the fight with your mom,

but I like your new show.

Thank you.

I'm trying to be real

because everything else I was doing online

was just to get, like, likes and views.

But being real is, like, huge right now.

I think it's a great idea, and...

People will fall in love with you just for being you.

[instrumental music]

Um, Jeannie?

-Hm? -What do you think about this?

I mean, is it cute, or is it trying too hard?

Super cute, but it needs a bow.

[gasps] Oh, my God. I was wondering that.

Yeah, otherwise it's kind of giving off

"I woke up at a boy's house, and I put on a shirt

because I drank too much, and I slept in my dress" vibes.

That's not what I was going for.

Yeah, I didn't think so. But with a belt...

-Oh. Your belt. Ah. -Yeah.

-It is... Yeah. -Okay.

-It's fun. -Wow!

-Oh, you like? -[laughs]

-Mm. -And just tuck that. Oh!

-Okay. -Yes. Okay.

Yeah, now give me a pose. Louisa, yeah, yeah!

-Vogue. -[both laughing]

-Look at that. Mm-hmm. Ah! -Oh, my God, I love it!

Thank you.

-Anytime. Mm. -Mm..

It's so nice to talk to another woman.

You know, all that time with Mark, I just forgot

how important female friendships are.

-Yeah, they're not that great. -Totally. What?

Isn't it all about finding a man?

Your biological clock doesn't care about sipping Cosmos

and talking about shoes. You know what I mean?

-Oh, but... Oh, you're serious. -Of course.

The last thing I want is to end up single with dried-up old eggs

and my good years behind me.

-No offense. -Oh, me.

-Okay. Yeah. -[school bell rings]

Elaine, can you find me Junior's file?

[Elaine on intercom] I am working.

Yes, for me.

He's too young for osteoporosis.

Maybe he already had a hairline fracture, something genetic.

[keyboard keys clacking]

Elaine, why can't I find any records before 2020?

Is there a separate drive? Were some of the files not digitized?

Elaine?

[Martin] Elaine?

Welcome back to Coffee With Elaine. Unfiltered. No Sugar.

Mm, since moving out, I've felt super alone.

But we all feel alone sometimes, right?

I would love to feel alone.

Have you found another place to stay?

Mm, I mean, I've always been different.

I-I have this rare thing where my heart is on the wrong side.

It's on the right, not the left.

And I can't eat tomatoes because they gross me out.

-Wait, are you a twin? -So...

What does that have to do with tomatoes?

Well, I assure you, nothing.

But situs inversus organ reversal

is most common among identical twins.

I'm not a twin. I don't think.

Well, wait, how would I know?

I was just a fetus. Am I a twin?

Well, one twin can develop with reversed organs

due to a later-than-usual embryonic split, so...

Why would my mother never mention that?

What, did she have to give up one twin for adoption

because she couldn't afford to raise us both?

Oh, my God. No wonder she's always resented me.

She thinks that she chose the wrong twin.

Could my twin just, like, be out there somewhere?

And if so, does she have an extra bedroom?

Doc, could you try to find my mom's files

from the day that I was born?

Sure. Anything else? Coffee?

No, I have.

The only thing worse than having you as an assistant

would be having two of you as assistants.

Now, I need you to find me Glendon Jr.'s file

and his family's files. Thank you.

[instrumental music]

In the meantime, if you know someone who looks like me

but is not me, please put that in the comments.

Well, that stinks.

[sighs] Now that Junior's injured,

I guess there goes the championship.

Oh, that pasta salad did not hit the spot.

Well, we made the playoffs.

That's still a huge accomplishment.

Save it for the kids, Louisa. I needed a win.

That was my pasta salad, by the way.

-You made it? -Yes, I did.

And I brought it as my lunch.

So I guess Mark did the cooking when you two were together?

Yeah.

-Oh, my God. -What?

Someone must have left this in the printer.

Oh, that's not interesting.

It's for Principal Halloway

from the county school board.

They might have to shut the school down. Budget cuts.

-Well, maybe it's for the best. -How is this for the best?

I am wasting my youth here.

None of the kids' dads are even hot.

Okay. What about the kids? We have to do something.

No, it-it's not so great for the kids.

This is her. This has to be her. She looks just like me.

That is you. That's your Facebook page. Who's next?

I am. Because of you, I need something for depression.

That Skeets victory was all I had to live for.

[Arnold] Yeah, rooting for the Skeets was

one of the only things Freda and I had in common.

We got engaged to the Skeets game.

You've killed baseball and you've killed our marriage!

What's the medical reason you're here?

Arnold needs his hearing checked.

Freda's yelling broke my eardrums.

[chuckling] Oh, that's not true.

-That's not true! -You're right, it's not.

My hearing's fine. I've just stopped listening to you.

Oh, yeah, I know that. Are you up... What is this?

It's a prescription for a divorce.

-Oh. -Mr. Collins, you're up next.

-Uh-huh. -Hey, doc. Hey, everybody.

Hey, brought you some donuts from the Salty Breeze

'cause, you know, we're buds.

Yeah, that's not how I would characterize it.

Oh, and 'cause I really, really like you and respect you.

Are you proposing or is there a point here?

You see, um...

-Glendon... -Glendon. Oh.

You mean the father whose son may have brittle bones,

but who cares as long as the Skeets win on Saturday?

Yeah, about that. Um, can I speak to you privately?

I don't have the time, Mark.

-I think you do. -I really don't.

No, I really think you do.

Mark, I'm really not enjoying this.

Okay. Okay.

-Are you Martin Best? -Yes.

-Do you reside at 3 Main Street? -Uh, what is this?

Okay. I'm just doing my job. I'm really sorry, man.

You've been served. Glendon is suing you for malpractice.

-[Arnold] Ah! -[gasps]

[tense music]

-Malpractice? -You did break a boy's arm.

No, I didn't break his arm, he had

some kind of pre-existing condition.

He sure did. He used to be a good baseball player.

-[chuckling] -[Martin] It's not amusing.

I-I, this lawsuit is as ridiculous

as having a mosquito as your mascot.

Oh, come on now. Let's not say things we're gonna regret.

I am not the reason Junior broke his arm.

[Martin] If I could just examine him,

see a family medical history, or look at an X-ray,

I could figure out why it happened.

Exactly. I know, I believe you, doc.

You're a good man. But I would still lawyer up.

[quirky music]

[sighs]

[cell phone vibrating]

[cell phone chimes]

-[dog whining] -Hello?

[Elaine] The two of us can't sleep

with you making all of that noise.

Neither you, nor the dog who shall not be named,

should be sleeping in my house.

We're not sleeping at your house.

Because you're making too much racket. That's what I'm saying.

I think I know what you're saying.

Anyway, just... Why do I even bother?

This kid either had a pre-existing fracture,

or he has brittle bones.

In which case, something is causing that condition.

Something that should be addressed medically.

And a clue might be in his records, right?

You'd think it'd be in his records. But Dr. Reese, right?

Unfortunately, Dr. Reese, who everyone loved,

didn't bother to digitize all his files before he died.

This town is a nightmare.

Yeah, it kind of can be.

Some ways I'm glad my twin sister got out.

Mm.

[groaning]

[clears throat]

Ah. Ah.

Thank you for seeing me.

I hope you're here to cheer me up.

Well, I, I know, it's not good news.

You are telling me.

234 days straight I'm the Wordle king.

And I forget to play one day, one day,

and streak over?

I mean, it just, it just slipped my mind. It just, it...

How could it just slip my mind?

Well, uh, well, maybe you were preoccupied by the idea

that our school might close.

No. No. No.

But you know what? That's depressing, too.

I really loved being the principal here.

Loved? Well, well, it's-it's-it's just over?

I mean, w-w-we aren't gonna, gonna fight this? Heh-heh.

I think losing our star player is a sign

that we just, we can't compete.

You know, this is how it goes at small schools.

-We had a good run. -Uh...

Don't you care what happens to our students?

I know what'll happen to them.

They'll all get bused to Bar Harbor.

And although it's a bit of a commute, you know, at least

they'll have the opportunity to experience victory for a change.

[instrumental music]

[car door shuts]

What's that long face about?

Oh, it's nothing.

-What happened to you? -Oh, nothin'.

Eddie McCroy cut some of my traps loose,

so I had to punch out some windows on his boat.

You punched out glass windows?

No, dammit. It was too strong.

Look at this. Did I break these fingers?

-Hey! Hey! -Let me see.

Oh, what did you do now?

Oh, I may have inquired about some records.

You went to Bar Harbor and tried to access my son's X-rays?

Look, you, you have some nerve.

-Aunt Sarah, inside. -And miss this?

Now, you know what's nervy?

You're suing the only doctor who seems

concerned about your son's brittle bones.

[Glendon] You sure you wanna talk to me that way?

I don't wanna talk to you at all.

No problem. That's what we have lawyers for.

-Good luck proving your case. -Yeah, I don't need luck.

I know someone who knows someone at Boston Memorial Hospital.

Are you suing them, too?

I know you had some kind of meltdown,

and that's why you're not a surgeon anymore.

I can't wait to tell that to a judge.

-And everyone else in town. -Have at it?

I am not scared of you or any nonsense you think you know.

Nice try...

That may fool some people around here,

but not me.

[suspenseful music]

Ow!

-[Martin] Ooh. -Ah.

Ah. Ow.

Ah. Ow. Ow.

[instrumental music]

Since we don't have anyone scheduled for an hour,

I might go talk to my mom.

That's fine. I have business to take care of at the school. Hm.

The thing is, these past few days,

living with somebody so sad and lonely

has made me realize how important family is,

especially when you're old.

[Elaine] So even though I said I would

never talk to my mom again,

I think that it is important

that I put my anger aside

and find out what happened to my beloved twin sister.

[seagulls squawking]

Elaine!

Oh! I'm so happy to see you.

Did I have an identical twin?

-Yes. -You gave her up for adoption?

-No! -Oh.

Okay, so could she still be out there somewhere?

What, did you put her in a basket outside of a firehouse?

-Or something? -No, no, no, no.

-Is she dead? -No...

-Well-- -So what happened to her?

-You ate her. -What?

Uh, uh, you know, you absorbed her.

It-it-it was in-utero. It was very early on.

I didn't wanna tell you because I know

how you can overreact sometimes.

Overreact?

Great, so I'm a sister-eating cannibal.

For me to live, somebody had to die?

This is why I go around always feeling

like something is missing, I have a big hole in my heart?

I think what you're describing is

a human condition, but continue.

So what else haven't you told me?

Nothing. Except...

I miss you.

And I want you to move back home.

Well, I bet. I'm the only child you have left.

Honey, I know there's plenty of room for all of us

back at the house.

I was hoping that you'd warm up to the idea of--

Dumb-Dumb?

I wish you wouldn't call him that.

What would you prefer that I call him?

-Well, stepdad. -What?

-He asked me to marry him. -What? Uh...

Don't overreact. We-we wanna get married next week.

Next week? Oh, my God, please tell me that he's dying!

And you're granting him his last request.

Or just some kind of blackmail situation that's going on.

Or have you just lost your mind?

Honey, I love him, and I don't

wanna wait one other second, but

I would really like your blessing.

My bl...

Not possible.

We went through such a tough time together...

you and I.

But it's been six years now.

I was hoping that you would at least understand.

Well, I was hoping I had a twin sister.

But I ate her. So we can't have everything.

[instrumental music]

[school bell ringing]

-Do you bruise easily? -Why?

Are you gonna punch me in the face now?

-Yes or no? -No.

Any breathing issues?

-No, not that I know of. -All right, open your eyes.

-Wide. -Oh. Uh, Dr. Best. Dr. Best.

-Look up. -What, w-what are you doing?

Checking for blue sclera. You see here? No bluish tint.

That means we know it's probably not osteogenesis imperfecta.

Okay, but I don't think it's appropriate for you

to be examining a student without his parent present.

-Yeah, dude. You're a creep. -Yeah.

Well, I wouldn't have to if your parent

were a little more helpful.

I-I just, I need to know what happened, okay?

I, I'm being sued for malpractice.

Right? This kid's health is on the line.

I'm the only one in town who seems to care.

Okay, okay. I-I get it. I, I do.

I, I just found out that

this school might be closing due to lack of funding.

Yeah. I'm not surprised. I mean, it's economics.

I mean, school serves too few students.

-It's not financially feasible. -But also, I might lose my job.

I mean, this is the only job that I ever wanted,

and basically the only real job I ever had.

Does no one understand that?

I mean, I thought, I thought

maybe because of the malpractice suit,

you, you could relate.

I'm not losing my job. I'll prove I was right.

-You just watch me. -What?

[instrumental music]

-[thudding] -[air hissing]

Let me guess. That's Eddie McCroy's truck.

Yeah. You want me to get Glendon for ya?

No. Go home.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Well, look. It's Dr. Downer.

Everybody lock your doors tonight.

He already broke an arm. God knows what he'll do next.

-Gosh, Freda. -The usual?

Garden salad with chicken nougat?

Emphasis on the to-go part.

I think everyone here would like you to go as well.

[laughing]

-Hey... -Oh, come on.

I have no idea why he's laughing that hard.

Well, can you tell me about Glendon Ross Jr.?

Does he eat here? What does he like to order?

[Collins] You wanna bring him something as an apology?

That's not going to heal his arm before Saturday.

You know, I have nothing to apologize for.

-I-I just need any reason-- -Don't worry, doc.

This will all calm down after the game.

And, look, you never know.

The team could still win without Junior.

[all] Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz...

For God's sakes, people. Okay?

-This is not the World Series. -Ah.

This is a high school baseball game.

You heard me.

It's our World Series, doc.

These people went to Port Wenn Day School

from kindergarten through 12th.

We're all Mosquitos at heart.

And we've all waited 12 years

to beat those snooty Bar Harbor Peckers!

[grunting]

-Their team is the Woodpeckers. -Yup.

How long does it take to make a salad?

Oh, oh. Melissa.

Coming right up.

[instrumental music]

♪ Through broken lines and bridges burned ♪

[vocalization]

♪ I guess I have some lessons learned ♪

[vocalization]

♪ My only thought was just to run ♪

[vocalization]

♪ To run

♪ And I forgot where I was from ♪

[vocalization]

♪ Since my eyes were closed

[vocalization]

Hi, friends. Guess what?

Not only is my mother engaged to Dumb-Dumb...

I ate my twin sister.

It's right here. Went down to the basement.

It's right here in the files.

What? There are paper files in the basement?

It's called Vanishing Twin Syndrome.

It's a really nice way of saying I ate my sister.

[Martin] Elaine, why didn't you tell me?

-Uh... -It's so dirty down there...

I honestly think I just blocked it out.

But now that it's about something important...

"But now that it's important..." You mean it's saving my reput...

I don't, I don't even know why I bother.

Oh, but watch out for that...

-[thuds] -[Martin screams]

[objects shattering]

...one step.

[instrumental music]

Aha!

Guess what? Glendon Jr. only has one kidney.

Well, don't let him near me. I might try to eat the other one.

The kidneys regulate calcium, vitamin D and phosphorus levels.

With only one, that might have something to do with why

his arm broke so easily.

Now I just need to see Junior

and ask him some questions.

Why is he giving me this?

Hey, doc. I come bearing lattes.

Uh, Elaine can have mine. I, uh, don't drink foam.

Yeah, give me. Better latte than never.

-[laughing] -Oh.

The bar for humor in this town is very low.

Uh, anyway, doc, I know that we're buds and all.

And I really like and respect you.

-Wait, what-what's going on? -I'm really sorry, man.

-Are you Dr. Martin Best? -You already served me papers.

These are new papers. This is a restraining order.

-What? -I'm really sorry, man.

You're not allowed to contact Glendon Ross Jr. at school.

You're not allowed to contact Glendon Ross Jr. at home.

You're not allowed to contact anyone in the Ross family

or be within 300 feet of them.

Are you kidding me? A restraining order?

I'm just trying to figure out what's wrong with his son.

I'm really sorry, man. You wanna go, like, shoot, like, darts o--

No, I don't wanna go shoot darts!

I don't ever wanna see you again.

You mean, like, in this capacity, though, right?

Like, serving you papers, right?

-Sure. -[Elaine] It's Louisa.

She says it's an emergency. She needs to talk right away.

Really?

Oh, it's for you.

-Good. I should go. -[Junior screaming]

[Louisa] It's Junior. He's in excruciating pain.

Can you please come to the school and see him?

I would love to come see Junior, but his father

just took out a restraining order against me.

I don't wanna hear excuses. He's in terrible pain.

You're just five minutes away, so find a way!

[Junior groans]

-[instrumental music] -[grunts]

-[Junior groans] -There, just...

-Yeah. Oh. -[grunts]

Okay, okay, yup, yup, yup. Oh, oh.

-Oh, gosh. Okay. -Oh, my God. Sorry.

-Are you okay? -Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

[Junior groaning]

Hm. Hm.

-Here. -[Junior groans]

Um, he's-he's having these horrible waves of stabbing pain.

On a scale of one to ten, how bad is the pain?

Oh, 11.

[screams]

Just...

-Ah! Ah. -Oh, God.

[Junior groans]

I think you might have a kidney stone, which needs to be

broken up sooner than later, since you only have one kidney,

a fact you could have mentioned. But, hey, here we are.

Louisa, will you call the paramedics?

-Yeah, um, of course. -[Junior groans]

That explains the back pain.

What does a kidney stone have

to do with brittle bones?

How should I know?

Unless

you're not processing protein.

Then you would have to be overdosing it.

Are we consuming an excess of protein?

Well, I do try to bulk up during the season.

With what? Whole buffaloes?

-In there. -Oh.

[Louisa] Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you.

All right, ambulance is on its way.

[Junior groans]

How much protein powder have you been taking?

Oh, I don't know, like one of those a week.

This should last you for a month.

How long have you been abusing this stuff?

I wouldn't call it abusing.

It's protein powder.

Yeah, well, your one kidney disagrees.

I started sophomore year, but like I said, I ramp it up

during baseball season. I needed to bulk up for--

Yeah, well, you can forget about the playoffs, okay?

You shouldn't be doing anything physical or strenuous right now.

You can break like a twig. You need to rest.

Stop taking the protein powder, and get your bone health back.

Then I need to tell my dad.

Well, of course you need to tell your dad.

But then it might sound like it's my fault.

-It is your fault. -Well, he can't know that!

He was really excited about playoffs.

-It's a championship. -He is suing me for malpractice.

I could lose my job. The town could lose its doctor.

It's awful, isn't it, the future being so insecure,

not knowing if you're gonna keep your job?

[Junior exhaling sharply]

What about the restraining order?

And you're not even supposed to be near me, right?

I could have you arrested for even being here.

Just, I wanna get this straight.

Are you threatening me after

I climb through a window to help you?

Uh, uh...

Yes?

-I thought so. -You should go.

Yes.

[grunts]

Oh.

-Yeah. Got it? Oh. -Uh, yeah.

Yeah, no.

Yes.

-I can imagine it's difficult. -[Junior groans]

With the school possibly closing.

And, Junior, don't worry, with a simple sound-wave

procedure to break up the stone, you should be as good--

-Forget it. Go. Go, go. Come on. -Oh, okay, I'm just--

-Yeah. Whoo! -[Martin] Have fun.

Okay. Uh...

[siren wailing]

My God! What have you done now?

Nothing. Couldn't find any dynamite.

What? We are not a family of criminals.

I'm kidding, you're the one with a restraining order

and a lawsuit against ya.

-Are you doing okay? -I'm fine. Yeah.

I mean, I might lose my job because of that

blustering, egomaniacal asshat.

-It's insanity. -Oh, wait a minute.

Does that mean that you actually wanna keep your job here?

-Of course. -You...

You wanna continue to practice medicine

here in Port Wenn? You like it here?

-That's not what I said. -Aw.

-That's not what I said. -Aw, come on now.

Admit it, admit it. You're starting to be happy here.

Nope, not what I said. It's the principle.

-Release me, please. -All right, how about this?

How about I take out your rival and you take out mine?

Mm. This has been constructive. Yeah.

Look, if you wanna keep your job, you wanna save your career,

you're gonna have to stand up to this asshat.

Come on!

-Put up a fight, like me. -With dynamite?

Well, good luck finding any. I looked everywhere.

[instrumental music]

-Go Skeets! -Go Skeets.

-What's the matter? -Nothing.

Just who knows how many zzs we'll have left.

The future is promised to no one.

Ah! God, that drew blood.

-Uh, what's going on? -Uh...

Okay, look, don't tell anyone, but the school

might be closing due to lack of funding.

What? Port Wenn Day School?

That's all of our childhoods.

There's like 20 million memories in there.

-Exactly. -Yes. Are you okay?

Port Wenn Day is like your whole life.

Thank you. Finally someone gets it.

I mean, look, school was never my thing,

but everybody knows that you're like the best teacher ever.

Seriously, people don't shut up about that.

Mm.

Oh! Oh!

Mm...

I-I-I know that you're, uh, looking for a place to live.

You've seen my show?

-Bits and pieces. -Oh.

Yeah, you know, I was thinking

about renting out my spare room.

Do you wanna be my roommate?

-Are you serious? -Yes!

[instrumental music]

You'll be like the sister I never ate.

Huh.

Uh...

[laughter]

-Come here. Yay! -Yay!

[cheering and applauding]

[indistinct yelling]

[woman] Come on, boys, get out there!

-That's what I'm talking about. -Yay!

-[Sarah] Yeah, yeah, yeah! -[man 1] Let's go!

[Mark] Let's go, Paul!

[cheering]

Let's go, Woodpeckers!

[cheering]

[man 2] Let's go. Come on, y'all! Yes!

[man 3] Hey! [man 4] Let's go.

Go Skeets!

[man 5] Let's go, Skeeters!

Hey, let's go, boys! This is... No!

-Glendon! -No, no! No.

-No, no can do, doc. No! -Get out of here.

Come on, you know, you know, this is killing me, but you've

gotta remain 300 feet away from anybody in the Ross family.

Sit down, Dr. Downer. We might actually win this game.

Yeah. Hey, can you believe it?

I think this is the most exciting game

we've ever had in Mosquito history.

Ow! Wow, we really gotta rethink the team name.

These things are bastards. Anyhow...

We're down to run in the seventh, right?

Paul Parks gets up there, hits an amazing single,

slides into first, twists his ankle.

So we just sent out a pitch runner.

[applause]

-What's he doing in the game? -'Cause he's our fastest runner.

[Martin] He could break every bone in his body.

-Let's go, Junior! -Come on, Junior!

-Let's go, Junior! -Okay. Come on!

-Uh, just go, J! -[man 6] Let's go, Junior!

Let's go, Junior!

[crowd cheering]

-Come on, J! -Let's go!

Let's go. Come on, y'all! Yes!

-Hey! -[indistinct yelling]

-[man 7] Go Junior! Steal se...! -Buzz, buzz.

-Let's go, Junior. -Zz, zz, zz.

[crowd] Let's go, Junior. Zz, zz, zz.

Everybody, everybody. Yeah. Come on. Come on.

-Strike one! -Oh!

It looked outside to me. That's outside.

[Glendon] Okay, we got it. We got it.

[indistinct yelling]

[woman] Now you've seen it.

Strike two!

-Ooh! -Oh, damn it!

[cheering]

[mouthing] You are going down.

-Zz... -[man 8] Go!

Go! Come on! Yay!

Come on, come on, come on.

-[instrumental music] -Oh.

-Go, Junior! -Ah!

-Okay! Okay! -Let's go, J!

Run!

[instrumental music]

Run!

[indistinct yelling]

[man 8] All the way up! All the way up!

[music continues]

-Run, boy! -He's gonna make it!

[music continues]

Run! Run! Run all...

[indistinct yelling]

Don't! Don't!

[groans]

[indistinct yelling]

[man 9] Slide! Slide! [man 10] He's going home!

[man 9] Slide home, Junior! Slide home!

[screaming]

[groans]

[screaming]

[groaning]

-What? No, no, no, no! -What?

-What's happening? -What's going on?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Why would you do that?

Forget about the lawsuit. You're going to jail.

Dad, stop! He did it for me.

He's the reason you got hurt in the first place.

No, I am!

I took too much protein powder, and it made my bones brittle.

Why would you do something so stupid?

Because I wanna make you proud of me.

Doc Martin was just trying to protect me.

Hey, you heard that, everybody?

-Doc B is a hero! -Time! Time!

Port Wenn is disqualified for fan interference!

[crowd booing]

I spoke too soon.

Doc, you should sneak out the back.

[Glendon] Yes, I'm sure.

I talked to my lawyers.

That sounds expensive. What now?

I'm dropping the lawsuit.

Thank you for figuring out what was wrong with my son.

-With no help from you. -Hey.

Will you let me finish before I change my mind?

What I'm trying to say is,

I won't tell anybody about Boston.

There's nothing to tell.

Well, there's plenty to tell, but I'm not telling anyone...

for now.

[instrumental music]

All right, champ. That's great.

Uh, be careful. He's a bag of bones.

Hey. Good job out there.

Oh! You will never beat us!

Never, never, never, never!

I'll beat you with my bare hands, but I don't touch trash.

-Oh, who you calling trash? -[Sarah] You!

You smell like an old rotten herring,

you, you, you slimy old slob!

Oh. You say that again.

You slimy old slob!

Mm...

[upbeat music]

Happens every year.

-Every year? -Mm-hmm.

Go Skeets.

[music continues]

-Hm. -Ah.

♪ What are we waiting for? What are we waiting for? ♪

♪ It's time the time is now ♪

♪ We gotta take a leap

♪ We gotta dig real deep

♪ And we might like what we find ♪

♪ On the other side