All language subtitles for Traitors UK VIP - S01E09 En Se

Joe is a Traitor.

And that's because
on the night I tried to raise

the idea that Joe was a Traitor,

I came very close
to being banished, myself.

This programme
contains some strong language.

You have chosen
to own the game. Why?

I am...

and have always been...

a Traitor.
Oh, fuck.

I'm so sorry.

It's been tearing me apart.
I'm so sorry.

You did brilliantly.

You did. You did brilliant.

It's a game.

You did absolutely brilliant.
That was amazing.

Hello, and welcome to

The Celebrity Traitors Uncloaked
grand finale.

I'm Ed Gamble, and we're going
to be unpacking everything from

that jaw-dropping last episode with
all our finalists.

We're here at the BBC Radio Theatre
with a studio audience full of our

all-star cast of celebrity Faithful
and Traitors.

And how amazing do they all look?
You look incredible.

Coming up, Claudia Winkleman
is here to finally discuss the show

she usually has to avoid talking
about.

Cat, Joe, David and Nick
will be on this stage

to decompress from

that unbelievably stressful
final day,

and our winner, Alan,

will be joining us to tell us
what it takes to go all the way.

Get yourself comfy

because this is The Celebrity
Traitors Uncloaked finale.

What a final episode. I mean, I was
so stressed that I am... Well,

let's just say Celia would have
been proud.

We're going to be speaking to
the finalists shortly.

But first off, I am joined by
the

fingerless-glove-wearing legend
that is Claudia Winkleman.

Hello. Claudia, welcome. Welcome
back to Uncloaked.

You've just seen that very,
very tense finale.

How did you feel watching it back?

Um, quite emotional.

Can I just show everybody
my T-shirt?

Absolutely. There he is.

Um, because even
though obviously I was there...

Um, yes. Just watching it back,
because I don't

watch the other ones back...
So, yeah, it was a lot.

And it's just amazing
that our cast are here.

The atmosphere
in this room was electric. Yeah.

I mean, I'm not a football fan,

but I'd imagine this is
what it feels

like to watch England score a big
goal.

You see? It was amazing. Yeah. Yeah.
What was it like

at the time, though?

Obviously watching it back is
a different experience.

What was it like when you
were in the room for that endgame?

Well, unbelievable. I mean,

my knees were knocking
because I'm incredibly nervous.

And, um, it is, without sounding
like a total tool, it is an absolute

privilege to always be in those, uh,
at those Round Tables.

But, yeah,
the endgame was quite something.

And when the third green pouch went

in and I realised
what was happening...

People have seen this now.
I imagine there's already

videos going up online of pubs,

people watching it,
and pints just flying in the air.

It was because you feel,
I feel, so protective of them all.

You feel for them individually.

I love Nick because
all he could just say was, "Joe!"

And Joe was utterly brilliant.
You know, that moment he went,

"I've worked out who they are."
It was like a pull focus.

I was like, "Watch him go."
And then Cat,

who was extraordinary throughout,

was so brilliant in the Turret,
and the fact they caught...

You know, the whole thing
was sort of highly emotional.

You gave a speech
to them quite early on

in the game about how people lie

to them all of the time,
because they're celebrities. Always.

I loved that speech.
Do you think that sort of

thing makes the game harder
for celebrities?

Um, I don't know

whether it makes it harder for them,
but I felt there were two things.

One, the Traitors were utterly
brilliant,

and two, there was only
so much they could do.

Um, but it is a hard game. You know,
the absolute

star of this whole thing is
the game is addictive.

It takes over. It's hard for anyone.
But what I also love is

because people watch
at home sometimes

and sometimes people will say to me,
"How do they not know?"

You don't know. It's very easy
when you're watching at home,

but when you're sitting there, it is
almost impossible.

Now, I know you're very fond of
everyone who played the game,

but I know you had a particular
fondness for one player.

I'm talking about the national
treasure that is Celia Imrie.

Oh, my gosh. What is it in
particular that draws you to Celia?

She is so twinkly.

I've never met anybody that twinkly.
I've always loved Celia.

So when they said, "Celia's
taking part,"

I was like, "Are you joking?

"The actual or like a tribute?"
"No, the actual."

And I'm not allowed -
I have to be like Cruella de Vil,

which I find difficult
because I just wanted to go,

"Oh, I love your song,
and you're brilliant."

And so I'm not allowed.
I'm just, like,

strict and fluorescent orange.
And there was one point

when I was standing next to Celia
and just out the corner of my mouth,

I thought the producers
wouldn't hear it,

so I just went, "Obsessed."

And she was like, "Thank you."

Celia, it's wonderful

to hear, you know, how
much Claudia loves you.

But we want to know,
have you got any better at snooping?

No. Not really.
Really not. Um, I'm just...

Um, the thing is

that you said you were obsessed
after I'd admitted I was two-faced.

That's why we were all obsessed
by you.

Because Celia...

My other favourite thing
that Celia did is she would say,

"You are dazzling,"

and then write their name on
the board.

It was so compelling.

Someone else
who didn't make the final,

Niko, unfortunately,
you went out quite early.

But how was it watching that back?

Do you think there
was some good gameplay in there?

Um, yeah, I mean, Joe,
I was very impressed with.

I just can't believe it was

bottled at the end at the final,
in the final moment.

But, yeah, it's a very tough game.

I do feel
in a way like I made it to the final

because I have the same name
as Nick.

So... You were there. Yeah.
So, yeah. Almost won.

Now, we're going to be hearing

from our finalists
and our winner quite soon.

But first, Claudia, you
were the hostess with the mostest,

and thank you so much
for entertaining us week after week.

And I know you hate this bit. I
hate...

I know you hate the compliments.

Well, you're going
to hate this bit even more

because let's have a look
at your best bits.

Tiny word of warning.
Don't relax too much.

Tomorrow, the killing spree begins.

This isn't personal,
but it is tradition. Oh!

I know you're thinking it,
so I'm going to say it.

They've just dug their own graves.

Nothing like the sound
of screaming celebrities.

Stephen Fry's in the water.
I can't...

Faithful, you are breaking my heart.

You are famous.
People lie to you all the time.

I love that show.
It's a great jacket.

I listened to
that particular podcast twice.

What just happened?
I just farted, Claudia.

But I always own up.
I always own up, too.

Well done.

We'll get you out with the others, shortly.

No immediate rush.

Come to me. Come on!

Quick, quick, quick!

We did it!

That was better than my wedding day.

Thank you, Claudia. Thank you.

Iconic as ever. Thank you, Claudia.
We'll be talking to our winner,

Alan, soon. But with me now,

I'm thrilled
to welcome our four runners-up,

Cat, Joe, David and Nick!

Well, we're very excited to have you

with us here
for this very special finale.

Cat, let's talk about
that final Round Table,

because going into it, you and Alan
were very confident. Yeah.

I mean, erring on cocky,
would you say? You were sort of

very sure that Joe was on your side.
Yeah, we were.

You know, I was hoodwinked by Joe.

Um, I did think... I did think

that you were going to be
the deciding vote,

because I was like... I knew Nick
was going to vote for me.

And then I knew realistically,

David would vote for me too.
So then I was like,

it's going to be Joe.

And I did think
that you were going to go for David.

And then it was

when the conversation on
the Round Table, it was varied,

but then towards the end of
the conversation,

I was like, um, I feel like Joe's
going to vote for me,

and you couldn't look me in the eye.

So that's when I was like, yeah,
my time's done,

I had a good run,
and then I got dashed.

But even when we were
in Scotland speaking,

I think you were still
under the impression

that Joe changed his
mind last minute.

How does it feel watching it back
and knowing

that was pretty much Joe's plan
all along?

I think it's just fabulous
television.

I just think it's so funny that me
and Alan are like,

"Yeah, yeah, we've got this,
we've got this."

And Joe's like, "I know it's them
two and I'm going to get them out."

I just think it's great telly.

At what point did you start
to suspect Cat?

Because I think from our perspective
as a viewer,

you were sort of
sniffing around some Traitors.

But then in that episode eight,
you were like,

"It's Alan and Cat,"
and just blew everyone away.

Yeah, I think I worked it out on day
one that it was Jonathan,

Cat and Alan, but I
was having so much fun in there.

Yeah. Um, no...

the shield cock-ups from
Jonathan and Alan,

they were the sort of giveaways

for me that I was like, "Hmm,
I like shields,

"you don't seem to like them as much
as me."

Now, Nick, you
were suspicious of Cat from,

I think, episode five. Yeah.

But you decided to keep
that to yourself.

Yeah. Which is a very clever plan.

But how do you feel about how
the plan played out in the end?

Oh, I think I thought I
was being clever,

and then it
all just backfired a little bit.

I think as soon as you...

There was one Round Table
where you voted for David

that felt just...

just didn't ring true,
for some reason.

And I thought...

And at first I thought it
was you and Lucy,

I remember thinking it was you,
Lucy and Jonathan. Yeah.

And I thought you and Lucy were
in cahoots.

But that was wrong.
I mean, I was wrong

pretty much every single step of
the way, in every episode, I think.

I don't think that's true at all.

I think there were people
that were more wrong than you.

OK. And I'm naming no names.

David, next question for you...

What do you think it was
about Cat's game

that meant
that so few people suspected

her right up until the end?

Well, I think a number of people
did suspect Cat,

but we did this thing where we would
suspect somebody, have

a conversation with one other person
and then totally forget

that at the Round Table.

We just kept doing
the same thing.

We'd, you know...
I think we had a conversation,

I think, episode five, about Cat.
And then we both voted

for somebody else at
the Round Table.

So there was not much...
I think you voted for me. Yeah.

I was, yeah. That's what I meant
by "somebody else".

Cat, the night you go into
the Turret

to meet your fellow Traitors and
you see it's Alan and Jonathan,

how confident are you at that point

that you can move through the game
as a group of Traitors?

I just found it so funny when it
was Alan, I couldn't hold it in.

I think... I was really confident

because I just thought it was quite
a rogue trio.

Like,
I really didn't expect it to be me.

And then when Claudia tapped me,
I was like,

"Oh, my God, what the heck?"

So when I saw it was Alan,
I was like...

when I saw it was Alan
and Jonathan, I was like,

"I feel like we can get pretty far
because Jonathan's a great talker."

As we could see. He got through
so many Round Tables. And then Alan,

all he had to do was go...

and everyone just went,
"Oh, it's not him."

So it was a fabulous trio.
Well, yeah,

one of the big dogs is out
the kennel.

Jonathan is with us here.

You seemed very pleased that Cat
and Alan were your comrades,

Jonathan. Do you think it's the
difference in personalities

that made you confident about
the group?

I think I was just, I mean,

I was just happy to see someone else
up there with me.

I mean, but, I mean,
I know Cat a little bit,

and I knew how calm she is,
and I know how she presents

as being very calm,
so I thought that would be useful.

And when Alan came in,

I just think, you know,
he's so much fun to spend time with.

I mean, looking back now,
Alan played a far more kind

of tactical game than I thought
he was at the time.

He was far cleverer with it,

and I knew you were very tactical
as well.

A lot of the time, I mean, a lot of
the time

we'd go up there and I'd
say,

"I think we should kill so-and-so."
And they both talked me round,

and we wound up killing someone
who I really thought

we shouldn't kill. But they had
a better grasp of the game, I think,

really. Are you happy

that it was a Traitors' win
in the end?

Oh, yeah.
That's all I really wanted.

I mean, you know, and that's what I
think is probably different

about this version of
the game to the regular version,

is that it does become more like
the two teams against each other,

but I really wanted to see one of
them, or ideally two of them,

get through to the end.
And you did, of course.

But having watched last
week's episode,

there's no way I thought either of
you were going to survive.

And for that,
I think we do need to thank Nick.

You're very welcome.

JOE: Let's thank him, shall we?

I cannot, I cannot believe...

We'll get to it, Joe.
Don't worry, we'll get to it.

You will have your chance to have
a say.

The handy p collapse!

It's amazing being in
the room with your stare.

It really is unsettling, Joe.
My stare? Your stare, yeah.

Oh, yeah, the stare.
Yeah, the stare.

What is the stare? It's your face!

Thank you. How did it feel watching
the final back? Yeah, it was fine.

No issues whatsoever.
Um, me and Nick are

all right. Me and David are all
right. Uh,

just struggle to make eye contact
with them from now on.

I mean, I was sitting in the row
in front of you watching that,

and when you saw you get banished,

you did shout "scumbags" at them.
Did I?

No, I didn't mean that.

I didn't mean that, I was...
I just couldn't work out...

I still... I don't think until we
spoke... I said, "What was it?"

And it was
because I was, like you just said,

being polite and saying...
I wasn't saying sorry to Cat

because I was Judas-ing her like
you did me... I was so convinced.

I was saying sorry to Cat

because I really liked her
and enjoyed my time together.

Sorry, mate. You know... When Joe...
What happened?

When Joe and I text each other
after we got out of the castle,

he continually refers to me as
Judas,

and then occasionally replaces

the U with a heart,
which is quite nice.

You were arguably, Joe,
the most accurate Traitor hunter.

Mm-hm. Because you got
Cat and Alan correct.

I mean, you were more on
a Traitor safari.

You didn't actually
hunt all of the Traitors.

And, of course, you were
the leader of the big dog theory.

I mean, how did you do it?

Because you seemed to have
all these brilliant theories,

but you couldn't quite convince
everyone of them.

Well, yeah.

They were sort of stolen theories,

the majority. I was like,
"Oh, that sounds good. That...

"Yeah. Yeah, we'll go with that one
and then amalgamate one."

And then trying to convince the rest
of the players to get round it

was a lot harder than I thought.

Kate, why do you think people
latched on to the big dog theory

and not other theories, for example,
the sun-dried tomato theory?

I can't... I can't imagine.

I'm genuinely flabbergasted
that they didn't go with...

I mean, the sun-dried tomato -

it's very, very common
in criminal law,

the sun-dried tomato theory.

So, yeah, it's weird, isn't it?

David, I want to ask you about
that final Round Table,

because obviously it came
to two apiece for you and Cat.

You'd obviously had a lot of
suspicion on you... Yeah.

Throughout the game,

including that incredibly tense
Round Table with Mark. Yeah.

Yeah, I remember.

Did you think that
this was it for you?

Did you think your luck
had finally run out?

I was mainly thinking that this
was our kind of last chance

to try to get a Traitor.

I wasn't really thinking
about me getting voted out,

and I had come round to that point
by talking to Nick in particular,

thinking it was Cat.

So I was mainly focused on -
can we get a Traitor?

Joe's grand plan went up
in flames, sadly. Sorry, Joe.

How did it feel in that moment
when David and Nick voted for you?

Cos you seemed genuinely
surprised.

I think you'd been amazing
throughout the game of putting on

a face and really,
really sort of psyching people out

a little bit
and maintaining this character.

And you're doing it to me now,
and I know what you're doing, Joe.

But in that moment,

you seemed to drop everything,
and you were genuinely surprised.

I was...

It was a combination of,
like, gutted.

I was like, "Oh, no, I really...

"Like, this has backfired, massively.

"What have I got wrong?"

And then I just wanted...
I was desperate to get out

and go, "Right, where's Cat?

"I need, like, to see you."
I knew you were a Traitor,

but I was like,
"I just need to see you."

I'm sorry I voted you.
Even though it was a Traitor,

it was... Yeah, it was a surprise.

But there's no hard feelings
at all cos, ultimately,

it was just a really,
really big, fun game.

You'd said you had
some suspicions over Alan.

I did.
And then you didn't vote for him.

You didn't vote to carry
on the game.

I didn't vote...
I didn't vote for Alan once

in the whole show, I think.

But going into that endgame,
you were like,

"I've got some suspicion."

And the way the game works is that

if no-one's saying whether
they're Traitor or Faithful,

the safe thing
to do would be to carry the game on.

Yeah. But you didn't.
You didn't do that.

Can you talk us through
the thought process?

I just don't know
what I was thinking.

I feel like...

Alan's just very...

Alan is incredibly persuasive
because he is so relaxed

and he is so Alan and he's so...

He was just so convincing throughout
the whole game.

And I just was like,
"You know what? I think...

"I think we've got it.

"I think we've now just got
that final Traitor,"

which I believed to be Joe
at that point.

How did it feel watching
the final back?

It was... I mean,
I was sat behind you, so...

I was just an absolute wreck.

It's so great.
It's such great telly.

Can I...? Big shout-out.

I don't know the name
of who composes the score,

but the score is absolutely
phenomenal. Yes! Yeah.

Because it is... It is so...

It feels like you're watching
a Marvel movie or something.

It is just cliff-hanger, suspense,
release, suspension, tense...

It is all the emotions,
and that last, yeah,

that last 15, 20 minutes,

I was just clinging
on to Joe and shouting at Cat.

It was brilliant, Nick.

Me and Nick bumped into each other
in town the other day

and he dragged me down a dark alley.

It was very Traitors-esque.

He dragged me down a dark alley
and went,

"Everyone's going to hate me."

But we don't hate him, do we,
at all? No!

That wasn't everyone. OK.

Was about 30%. God!

And then came the time
to reveal your identities.

But before we discuss
that with our winner, Alan,

I have my own reveal to do.

I've been teasing on Uncloaked

about my secret cameo
in the main show,

and have been telling you at home
to watch out for my Easter Ed.

Did you spot me?

Well, I can now exclusively reveal
where I was hiding.

For me, the only time I saw you
ever intimidated in the game,

Joe, do you remember
the mission in the cabin?

Mmm. So as you approach,
there's druids lining the path.

Yes. And then
there's one druid in the middle.

They swing your door open

and pull you out of the car.
Pulled me out the car.

You seemed very scared by that guy.

My adrenaline did spike. Yeah.

And I was like,
"I'm going for this one."

From what I could tell, the druid
wasn't scared of you at all.

And he did...
He did really, really well.

He did do really well. Yeah.

Even though
he's not normally a druid.

What's that f... What...

Would you like to tell me...

Yes... who was that druid?

Me. I was the druid.

You were that druid?!
I was that druid, yeah.

Are you taking...

Are you taking the mick?

I was the druid.

I was ready to fill you in.

Cos you kept going...
You kept going,

"Oh, you're just going
to touch me, are you?"

This is so good!

Yes. I wasn't the drummer
from episode eight.

I was, in fact, a druid.

Nick, you were the other person
I dragged from the Land Rover there.

Yeah. Yep. Do you want to...?
I mean, we did tell you,

we did film a reveal. Do you want
to tell everyone what happened

when I revealed to you
that I was the druid?

Well, from memory, I mean,

I knew that it was you
right from the start

cos I could see your eyes.

And Ed and I were at uni together.

I was slightly after him.

And so I've known Ed for ages.

I was like, "Well, that's Ed."

I was gutted when you told me.

I was so excited
to reveal it to you.

And it was a... There was a real,
actually, sense of relief.

I was like,
"Oh, one of my friends is here!"

It was really...
It was really nice.

But, yeah, I mean,
I knew it was you instantly.

Well, now's the time
you've all been waiting for.

After sweating and worrying
he'd be worse than Linda

to cold-bloodedly killing
his friends,

our winner, Alan,
is about to join me.

But first, here's the moment
he spoke to me in the castle

just after he pulled
the charity prize money

from underneath
Nick and David's noses.

Here he is.

Hello. How are you? Oh, the winner!

The winner. You! Oh.

Welcome to Uncloaked, Alan.

Oh, thanks for having me, Ed.

Congratulations, the winner.

I know, it still hasn't sunk in.

It's insane, isn't it? It is insane.

When Claudia initially
selected you as a Traitor,

did you ever in your wildest dreams
see yourself at that endgame

and winning the whole of the show?

No, no, no, no, no. I did not even
think I would get this far.

My agent,
this is a little exclusive,

had actually booked in things
for the second week...

because he said,

"Alan," he said,
"with your poker face,

"you'll be out two days in."

And I actually believed him.

And that's even before you knew

whether you were
a Traitor or a Faithful,

you'd just assumed,
whichever you were,

you were going to go out early.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I'm like
that when I go through customs -

I start sweating. You know,
when I go into a newsagent's

and it says, "No shoplifting,"

I'm like, "Oh," like that. You know?

It's just... I just feel
like I'm guilty,

and I've got the worst
poker face going.

I mean, it's like
a tug-of-war with my face.

That endgame, as well,
felt like the first time

that we saw serious Alan
in the game. Yeah.

Yeah. Was that a challenge?

Did you suddenly feel different
at that endgame?

I did feel different.

And it's that weird irony -

the more missions you do,

the more you spend time with people,

you are like a family,
and that's cheesy and bleurgh!

But it is true because when you see
the money behind, I mean,

£87,500 for a charity,

that's when, yeah,
"Come on, Alan, stop giggling."

Celia said something lovely to me
before I murdered her.

She said...

She said,
"Alan, you're surprising.

"You surprised me
the way you ran across that bridge."

And I thought,

"Well, that's the best you can
do, is surprise yourself."

So, yeah. Alan, are you proud of
how well you played the game?

So proud. Really, really proud.

I found out about myself -

I can be a chameleon,

I can chat to people,
I can lie, I can...

When the pressure's on, I can do it.

When Stephen Fry talks
or David talks,

I go quiet.

I'm not worthy,
I'm not intelligent.

But maybe sometimes
you do need to question,

stand up for yourself and go,

"Actually, I think this."

Yeah. So, yeah, yeah.

I think, well, I think you winning
has absolutely proved that.

Yeah. Idiots can do well.

The winner of the first
UK Celebrity Traitors,

it's Alan Carr!

There it is.

Alan, congratulations again.

What a huge triumph.

Is it fair to say
that no-one is more shocked than you

that you managed to pull this off?

I am so shocked.
And it is true what I said.

I had to ring up my... the woman
who was dog-sitting my dogs

because I thought
I'd be back after two days.

And I said, "You've got them
for another week."

And it just kept getting more
and more and more.

Completely surprised.

I don't know how this happened!

I really don't.

Look, and when we were
watching it back,

you got a big standing ovation
right at the end there.

Oh, I know, I know. It's so amazing.

I feel... I do feel bad
for doing it,

but I mean, what can you do?

It's... You know, I mean, I felt
bad. Yeah!

But you played the game and you were
incredible at it. I know.

I know, I know. I know.

How did it feel watching
the endgame back?

Oh, God. So emotional.

I mean, me crying as well!

I mean,
cos I couldn't remember how -

cos Joe was onto us,

and I couldn't
remember how you got voted out,

but then I lied and said you'd told
us all to vote for David,

and I'd forgotten I'd lied!

What have I become?

You did quite a lot of lying,
actually, Alan.

I did loads of lying!
And I started loving it.

I just hope there's not,
like, a murder in my street.

You know what I mean?
I open the door. "Hello, officer."

"I didn't see anything."

So, yeah. I mean, it just comes
really naturally to me.

I mean, yeah.

Can we talk...
Can we talk about your journey

from sweaty Alan
to serial killer Alan?

Yes, please.

What was the moment
that you dried out and thought,

"I can do this"?

Well, it was when I...

When I killed Paloma...

I... Give me a break!

Because the thing is,
when I killed Paloma, yeah,

I felt sick inside.

And you've got to remember,

it was such a cruel twist
to touch someone's face.

Now you're the only... Maybe...
And Jonathan was a Traitor.

I couldn't do it. I mean, if I
touched any of these other faces,

I'd be sent to HR, you know?

"Oh, Ruth. Hello!"

You know, I can't, so...

And then when she came down for
breakfast the next day,

I went, "Oh."
Cos I felt so sick, I thought,

"Oh, good,
she hasn't been murdered."

I was so pleased. "Lovely."

And then we go outside,

you're dressed as Queen Victoria.

We then go to a funeral.

I then see one of
my best friends put in a coffin

and sent off.
I went, "This is not going well.

"This is not what I wanted."
You know?

But then I got a taste for it.

I couldn't stop. Yeah.

And then after I killed Paloma,
then I got all the gays getting...

Because of when we killed Tom Daley.

"Oh, great, Alan,

"killing off all the eye candy."
I'm like, "Hello?"

And...

And then...

And then I saw him in the shower
soaping himself up. Yeah.

And I thought,
"Argh! I killed too soon."

"Maybe one more week,
maybe one more week."

But then, you go...

I think it's fair to say
there are a few moments

throughout your time on the show
where we might have thought,

as viewers, "I'm not sure
if Alan can pull this off."

One of them was certainly
when you had to say,

"I am a Faithful," to everyone...
Oh, my God.

And laughed halfway through.

How do you adjust your
game plan after things like that?

And do you adjust your game plan?

Well, I thought I was finished then.

I thought I was finished

when I went, "I'm... Faithful!"

I thought, "Oh, that's it."

And then Joe was onto me.

And, yeah,
I just sort of gave up, really.

But I'm... But that's one thing
I found out about myself.

I am like a bit of a pushover.

But when Joe is onto me,

I'm like one of those cats
you get in Greece.

You know, those ones that are
like... You go, "Oh, hello."

You know, you go, "Oh, hello!
You look quite cu..."

Claudia, did you ever doubt
Alan's ability to pull this off?

Yeah.

Erm...

No, erm, I can say...

I hope you don't mind this.

But Alan started as Linda
and ended as Harry. Mmm.

He had an extraordinary -
because at the beginning,

when you came up to me,

"I'm... I can't do it."

And he was like, "I'm sweating,
I can't keep a straight face."

But he was absolutely...

A, you're utterly brilliant,

incredibly clever
and totally consistent.

So Alan was Alan. And if you didn't
suspect him from day one, it's Alan.

He can't say, "I'm a Faithful,"

he's forgotten he's had a shield.

My favourite Alan moment, almost,
was you talking to Celia.

And Celia said, "Can I trust you?"

And you went, "You can trust me."

And you had snakes
all over your top!

And I was like,
"It's right there, guys."

But it's interesting.

I thought, I'm quite happy,
at the beginning, to be a Faithful.

And then, of course,
when you're sitting there

and you've got the blindfold on
and you pick...

I mean, I don't know
what shoes you're wearing,

but you sounded like a shire horse.

I get a bit flamenco.

And then when you went round
and didn't touch me,

there was a little bit like,

"Oh, OK, I'm going to be
a Faithful. That's fine."

So I realised deep inside,
I probably did want to be a Traitor.

And then of course,
you come around again

and then when you squeezed my
shoulders I was like, "Oh, my God."

But you were so sweet.

Cos those chats
I have with everyone,

they're much longer than you see.

And as I said, there are some people
who just don't even...

Mark, like,
"I only want to be a Faithful."

Erm, and many others.

And then, you going,
"Did you really say that?"

I was like... That, literally,
word for word is what you said.

Erm... And you said,
"Yeah, I want to be a Traitor."

And then burst out laughing
and we were like, "Oh, yeah, fun."

I think if I did have a strategy,
I think it was... Look at me now,

now I've won, I've got a strategy!

I think what I did
was I picked one...

I mean, if I was pushed to do
a strategy, like with Clare,

I wouldn't let her go
about the lever.

Yes. And then with Mark, you know
when you get all Braveheart -

"I want to win!" - like that?

I said, "Why are you
being all like this?"

And then poor old Kate,
I was making out she was

Goldie Hawn, this dizzy blonde.

I just kept saying to people,
"Why? Why? You know,

"she's a broadcaster. She's live
on the telly every morning. Why?"

That's what I was doing. I mean,

have you seen that brilliant thing
on social media -

Kate Garraway repeats everything -
have you seen it?

"Someone's been recruited."
"Someone's been recruited!"

"Sun-dried tomatoes."
"Sun-dried tomatoes!"

But, I mean, I think if I had a
strategy, I just picked one thing

and really went,
"Oh, I don't know about them.

"They give me the heebie-jeebies."
I mean,

I hate to bang on too much about
the Trojan Horse mission,

but I do want to chat to you
a little bit, Clare.

Are you still...
Are you still kicking yourself

for pulling the lever? Oh, God, yes,

and will do for a very long time.
It was awful. As Alice, my wife,

said to me, "For God's sake, there
would have been no-one left onstage!

"26?! What were you thinking?!"
I was like,

well, I just thought,
start high and come down,

because we'll get more chances.
They're working it out,

Mark and Stephen are working it out,

and I'll just start trying.

And I was conscious of time.
By the way,

it makes total sense. Yeah.
It makes total sense.

Normally... You're very sweet.
No, but when you see

those kinds of locks -
you know, like a padlock? -

you have a couple of goes.
That's what you did... Yeah.

On the train, in fact.
So it made total sense to me. No,

I still feel really bad about it.
And then I sort of shrank.

But somebody talked to me
the other day about it,

and he's a legal advocate,
and he said,

"Although you made the mistake,
at least you did put your hand up

"straight away and go,
'Oh, my God, I am so sorry.'"

And then Charlotte gave her
shield up straight away,

for which she didn't get
enough credit,

so I'm giving her credit now. Yes.

And we carried on
and we still won the mission.

So actually, it didn't cost, it
didn't cost us anything money-wise.

Yeah. I just looked a major tit,

so I'm happy to take that for the
team. I'll just take the idiot,

you know, mantle. No, you weren't.
No-one thinks that, Clare.

Mark, I've just noticed
you're wearing a T-shirt, though.

Will you tell us what
the T-shirt says?

It says, "Jonathan Fucking Ross".

I... I would like to say
I have given him one too...

Oh, right, OK, good! ..as his early

Christmas present. That's brilliant!

We have to talk about
that final mission,

because that was amazing.
It looked incredible.

The explosion at the end. Cat,

how much did you enjoy
that final mission?

Your one last chance
to get money for the pot.

It was really fun. I mean,

if I'm being honest, I really
probably didn't do anything.

It was mainly Joe. As I was
to, like, grab something,

then I saw the, like, having to
take off the thing off the coffin,

and I was like, "Oh, that's
going to hurt my hands!"

That's why you did it.

You just sort of did everything
and I was like, "Oh, yay! The boys

"are doing things." What about...?

I think my favourite moment
of that mission, though,

was Nick dropping the lid on
Joe's head... Oh!

Repeatedly, and I just hope

you are friends now.
NICK: It was a precursor of

what was to come, really, I think.
Yeah. I should have known then.

Three times, mate! Three times.

It sounds really loud
when you watch it back as well.

Oh, it was. I mean, it literally
was a wooden lid

dropping on his head repeatedly...

Yeah... while we were basically
watching the new Chuckle Brothers!

Incredible!

Alan, you forgot you had a shield
and, obviously, Joe,

Joe picked up on this. Mm.

Joe, why do you think no-one else
got on board with this?

Because it seemed to be one of
the clearest bits of evidence

you had that Alan was a Traitor.

Again, a combination of not really
backing myself to convince everyone,

but also, I was madly in love with
Alan as well. Yeah.

Like, even when I went after him

and he came back at me
like the Greek cat,

I then was like,

"Oh, bless!"

I was like, "Mm, OK, fair enough."

So, yeah, I think there might
have been something inside me

that was like, "I quite like Alan
still being in the game."

Because we were duped, weren't we?
He was being

really friendly to us, weren't he?
Yeah. And we were like, we couldn't

believe our luck, because Joe was
coming and sitting with us, going,

"I think it's Nick and David."
We thought we'd won.

And we're like, "Yeah, Joe, yeah!"
Yeah. High-fiving and all that.

And then... That bit where you went,
"Oh, bless him!" as I walked off -

and I've only just seen that -
I went, "Oh, OK. I see."

But then when you put Cat
on the sleigh,

I couldn't... I mean, that was like

a punch in the stomach. Yeah. Mm.

That was... I was like, "Don't leave
me here! Don't leave me here!"

Nick and David, obviously,
neither of you

went for Alan in the end.
What is it about Alan Carr

that made you eventually
decide he was a Faithful?

Alan could have come down
to breakfast

in a green cloak
and I still wouldn't have thought

he was a Traitor!

I... I just thought someone
who was a Traitor

would look a bit less guilty
the whole time. And you just...

Alan was being himself. And also,
it's, you know, it's the thing,

you just made me laugh
the whole time.

Aw, that's very sweet! Yeah.
I was too busy laughing...

Aw! ..to be suspicious.

NICK: I think it's something that...

I think it's something... I think
it's something that Tom said,

actually, really, really
early on, was that

comedians, or some of the stand-ups,

could sort of slightly deflect
by just making you laugh...

CAT: I said that.
Was it you said that?

Yeah. Sorry, Cat. I apologise.
And it's so true.

And actually, Alan was just

being Alan and is so hilarious,
like, inherently hilarious,

that it just completely threw us off

at every single point.
Were you worried about

the way Alan was acting, though,
Cat? Because we saw loads of

moments where you just had to
tell him to be quiet!

Yeah, but... Even at the last, even
on the last episode, just going,

"Please, don't, don't shout." I was
shocked when I was cutting up

that lemon and I watched it
on the telly. Yeah.

"WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO, CAT?!"

I didn't think I was that loud.
I feel like after a few days in,

or a few episodes in, I was
kind of like, the best, like,

exactly what I said to Nick,
comedians, the best way

to disarm people is make them laugh.
So people would be suspicious

of Alan and then say something to
him and he'd just make them laugh,

and then they'd go, "Oh, ha-ha!
Never mind!" So I was like,

Alan's never going to get caught,
because no-one

could think that he could do it.
I mean, even with Jonathan, I went,

"I did it."

Yeah! Yeah! Yes. By the fire pit.
"I did it." Yeah. Yeah.

Jonathan said,

"I'm going to have to have
a word with him about that."

Alan, that final...
that final Round Table,

when you saw that Joe
had switched the vote

that you thought he was going to do
and he voted for Cat,

what are you feeling in that moment?

Oh, I mean, yeah, I was shocked.
Like I said, I thought

he was... I thought
we'd really got him.

And then, yeah, and then I did...

It was like a punch in the stomach.
I felt physically sick.

And then I felt so alone

because, you know, we were a great
team together. Mm. So,

yeah. Yeah, it was... Really,

you did pull the rug from...
And he'd been so sweet,

so lovely and all that.
But did you think you were, like...?

Did you think Nick was then going
to vote against you as well, then?

Or did you think...?
I didn't really...

You know,
I just didn't really think.

I don't...

I don't know. It was quite emotional
for you at the end, though.

We saw you go quiet. Oh, well,
all the lying and all that,

it all just came bubbling up
and it was, er...

Yeah, and then, I think,
you know, about getting...

But, you know, the charity
I picked... I mean, I'm not...

I don't want to...
But, you know, listen,

the charity I picked is
a really great charity

and I know that that money is
going to do them so much good.

Yeah. So that was there.
I was thinking about

all the lovely people I'd murdered.

I felt bad,
and then it all came up.

And then when I saw that green
come up, I was like,

"Oh, my God!" And then I
got the choke, like that.

And then I thought, "Oh, God!"
And then... I mean,

your reactions when it came out.
Let's remind

ourselves of that emotional moment.

Oh... It's
been tearing me apart.

I'm so sorry.

DAVID: You did brilliantly, Alan.

You did brilliant.
You did brilliant.

You did brilliant. It's a game,

and you played it brilliantly.
You did brilliant. It's a game.

So... What you didn't...

What you didn't see, I turned into
that Greek cat and bit him!

Alan, you said there
it was tearing you apart. It was.

Cat, can I ask you -
as someone who watched Alan

write the murdered player's name
every single night on the scroll -

did you feel like it was
tearing him apart?

No. Honestly, like,
walking around that castle,

seeing how stressed Alan was
all the time,

I was like, how does nobody
see that it's this man?

The only one that could kind of see
was Clare. Yeah. And I was like,

if I was a Faithful, I would have
gone to Clare quite early on

and gone, "I think the same thing
as you, but let's not

"say anything until a bit later.

"Let's round up some numbers." And
I think that's why you ended up,

like, going. But I just...

He was so nervous throughout.

So when, like, when I saw you cry,
I just started crying...

Oh! ..because I was just like,
"Oh, Alan!"

I mean, I just wanted to climb
inside that suit of armour

that's in the hallway.

Just close the thing down and
just... Do you know what I mean?

Just leave me alone, everyone! What
about you, David? In that moment

that Alan got emotional,
you ran over to comfort him.

How are you feeling? Well,
it was such a genuine moment.

It just poured out of Alan.

And it was... It snapped us
out of that thing. You know,

this is a game. And the genuine
nature of Alan's response

just made us... You know, the
obvious, the human thing to do

was to, you know, give him a hug
and say, "It's a game and you won.

"You did brilliantly."
Now, Alan, before we go,

there's a bit of
"unfinished business",

to quote you. We've heard
from Paloma on Uncloaked,

but we want to hear - how was it,
murdering your good friend?

It was...

Oh, God!

He can't even do it!
It was so awful.

It was so awful. And it was weird
because, you know, I love, you know,

I'm a fan of her music,
I've been a fan of hers for ages,

you know, we are friends,
we go on each other's podcasts.

So, yeah,
it absolutely really hurt.

It really did. Now, with the nation
watching, do you think it's time

for an apology? I mean,
Paloma's sat right there.

I am so sorry.

You know I am.
And I want to tell everyone

that I'm the father of her child.

It was great...
We had... We had a make-up hug.

One thing led to another!

I have been known to turn people,

and it was an enjoyable experience
for both of us, I hope.

But I just also want to say that
I think observing tonight

and going through my whole
plethora of hormonal emotions,

I feel that the reason
why Alan won

and the reason why I was so sad
was because

we all love him so much.

Oh. And I... I love you so much,
and I'm so happy that you won

because it was bloody
worth it, then. Yeah.

But I think that most people didn't
vote for you because they're like,

how can we vote someone
that's so lovable?

And it really concludes that thing,
that you won it,

you hurt me and I loved you,

but... Only love can hurt
like that, though! Yeah.

Only love can hurt like this, and...

Yeah, and I just think he won it
because everyone loves him,

and the nation loves him, and
I'm just really happy that he won.

Sorry for rubbing it in by putting
your head on the coffin,

by the way. It doesn't look
anything like me.

On reflection,

how do you think the experience
has changed you?

Oh, my God, I absolutely loved it!

I absolutely loved it. We spent
the whole time, didn't we, laughing?

And it was absolutely joyous.

And honestly... Would I do it again?
Of course I'd do it again!

I think people would know
if I turned up again!

"Cooee!" I don't think that act...

"Oh, hello. Don't mind me.
What am I like?!"

I don't think it would work...

No... a second time! You would be
out before the first Round Table.

I know, I know, I know! There is
no way that's working again.

I know, but it was wonderful.
I loved it.

And the response
has just been amazing.

I'm cracking up at all the memes.
And it's just weird,

I've never... Of all the shows
I've done, I've never

had anything like this.
You know, people going past

on a bike, "Traitor!
Who are you murdering now?!"

So it has been absolutely amazing.
I recommend it, it's wonderful.

Well, look, you've been incredible.
We've had iconic line

after iconic line.
Particular favourites,

"Kate Gone-away.
I'm worse than Linda.

"You can't suspect someone
just because they've got

"a better vocabulary than you.

"What's a knighthood
when you're dead?"

Oh, God!

And of course,
and this is my favourite,

"If Kate doesn't come down for
breakfast, people will just think

"she's gone into a broom cupboard
by mistake!"

KATE: You're so right!

And, Alan, I'm giving you an
opportunity now to right a wrong,

to pull something off properly.

Can you look us all in the eye

and tell us that
you're a Faithful, please?

Ha-ha-ha!

Ha!

I'm a Faithful! Yes!

Alan Carr!

Thank you so much.

Thanks to all of you.

You've brought us so much
entertainment this series.

You've been incredible. The first
series of Celebrity Traitors

was absolutely epic. A massive
round of applause, please,

for our finalists, Claudia

and the Faithful and Traitors
from this series!

The chat continues in your

BBC Sounds bonus episode,

where I'll be chatting more
to Claudia, Alan, Cat,

Joe, David and Nick. We'll be
hearing about the most surprising

friendships in the castle,
the players' favourite missions

and which celebrities were the most
different from what they expected.

That's in your
BBC Sounds app right now.

Scan the QR code on-screen

to get your final
Celebrity Traitors fix.

If you've watched this and
thought you'd be better at

catching the Traitors -
let's be honest, not difficult -

good news, casting for
Series Five is open.

Head to bbc.co.uk/takepart to apply.

So, there it is,
the end of the first series

of Celebrity Traitors. 19 celebs,
two murders in plain sight,

a lot of screaming down a well,

one mysterious druid
and a fart heard around the world!

Thank you for watching
this series of Uncloaked.

We'll be back before you know it
for Traitors Series Four.

But for now, I'm Ed Gamble.
Stay faithful!

https://ko-fi.com/TheArmory