All language subtitles for cowiso-xvid-yrrol-eng

Subtitles by www.cultcinema.net

YRROL - A thoroughly thought out film

Eastern Attica 490 BC

Stop it Theresias. This is my wine!
But where is mine then?

You spilled it. Why can't you ever ask
for help, like normal blind people.

I am not normal. I can see the future.

Learn to see the table instead.
Watch out for the salad bowl!

Ahw. You really have no clue.

Hey, we have a guest.

Here lives
Leif G. W. Platon.

Yeah?
Oh.

Yeah?

I'm sorry.

I can't hear what you are saying.

Oh, oh yeah. Theresias just said that,
but thanks anyway.

Why is it always like this?

Humans strive to the utmost to
communicate with each other.

To no use at all.

Is meeting other people really so important
that we are prepared to die for them?

I mean, what is it that we think
that other people can give us,

that we don't already
carry inside ourselves?

I get depressed.
If we won't learn to accept our loneliness

then history becomes nothing but a long
repetition of Socrates� defense speech:

A lot of talk, but nobody gives a shit.

Platon! I have a vision!

For fuck's sake Theresias. You've got no
business being up on the terrace at all,

why don't you listen
to what I'm telling you?

I can see!
No you don't. And you can't hear either.

I've told you a thousand times!

And you almost killed a wine rack. Look!
Ah, life is sad enough as it is.

You will have a son, that will have a son...
A grandson?
Eh, no..

You will have a son...
But you said grandson.
No, I didn't! I know what I'm saying.

Yeah, and you said grandson,
I heard it loud and clear.

Not at all, why won't you listen?

Yeah, that was exactly what I
was talking about, before you fell.

Humans don't get through to each other.

If you can keep quiet now,
I'll tell you what I just saw.

You will have a son...
There's another one of those coming.

Yeah, I know, I know.
Theresias was just saying.

Can you lay down on the pile there yourself?

Lay a little to the left, we're trying to
grown some vegetables on the other side.

Thanks. So, where were we?

You will have a son, that will have a son...
Yeah! That's a grandson. I was right.

What the fuck is the use of having
visions, when nobody listens?

Your son will have sons and daughters,

who again will have sons and
daughters in 48 generations,

and in 2484 years in a country
far up in the north, your descendants

will experience exactly the same
meaningless longing for connections as you.

There, I said it.
Now I want a glass of wine.

Wait Theresias. Are you serious,

will humans always fight hopelessly
to connect with each other?

Yeah, you could have seen my vision
when I wanted to tell you,

but no, the great philosopher,
he was busy.

Kind Theresias, I do want
to see your vision.

But how could I be able to see visions,

when stupid Theresias can't
even be up on the terrace?

I'm sure you have really
exciting visions of your own,

so why should you bother with
old Theresias' boring ones?

I think your visions are
really nice, Theresias,

and you can be out on the terrace as much as
you like. Can't I see your vision, please?

Where's my wine? I'll fix that, but don't
start the vision before I'm back!

That's exactly what I'll do.
Oh, here starts my vision.

Damn, how you are mean.
I'm hurrying as much as I can.

Oh, how exciting my vision is!

Warning! This vision can not
be copied, changed,

borrowed, lent, be patented or in any way,

without special written
notice by Theresias Vision AB...

I could only find red wine.
Has it started yet?

What small glasses.

But take small sips then.
This place is dirty!

Yeah, it's like that in the future.
Let me taste your wine.

But stop it now, let's just watch...

If you're not gonna let me taste your
wine, I'll tell you what's gonna happen.

A man is gonna come in here now,
and he's going to...

But take my wine then, just be quiet.
Don't gurgle.

That was nice.
Yeah, that's fine.
What kind of wine is it?

Stop it now, I want to watch.
But you've never taken this out before.

Where have you been hiding it?
Just drink it and be quiet!

Hello!

Are you not feeling well?
I'm feeling sick.

Do you want a headache pill?

The taxi is outside,
the plane leaves in an hour.

I thought we could put your skis in my bag.
They are in the basement.

We can hire skis, that's actually better.
Have you had time to pack anything?

No, I was going to clean yesterday,
but I missed it.

You know what? We'll just
bring the laundry basket,

and they can clean it at the hotel instead.

Where is that warm sweater you
got from me for Christmas?

I gave that to the taxi driver last night.
What?

I was broke, and I didn�t want to
fuck in a taxi at 3:30 in the morning.

I called you at 4.
Yeah, I guess it was 4:30 then!

Fuck, how you attack me all the time!
I'm sick!

I'm sorry. I have a life of my own.
Why can't you leave me alone?

You wanted to travel to
the alps, we decided that.

You wanted that. And I said yes.

Yeah?
Yeah.

And then it felt wrong.

Couldn't you have said so before I got
time off work, and ordered the tickets?

I wasn't aware of that then!
I'm not a machine, I'm a woman!

We have to go. Won't it be nice to go away
for a week together, and talk about this?

It's no use talking to you,
because you're always leaving.

No I don't.
There's a taxi waiting for you outside!

But that's for us!
Don't involve me in our relationship.

Kind Marie, we have to go now.

The taxi's leaving.
See your own fault in something, for once.

It's you who's ruined this vacation,
not me!

Do you want to marry me?

Hey.

Are you leaving now?
Who's that?

The taxi driver.
But you said that you hadn't fucked.

No, not in the taxi.

And it was mostly him doing
the fucking anyway, I fell asleep, didn't I?

Yeah, damn. You passed out immediately.

Thanks for the sweater by the way.
It's really nice. It's me who knit it.

Oh, are you two together in some way?
We are engaged.

You were engaged, I'm a living person.
And I'm feeling sick.

Do you need a ride?
Yeah. You look good in red.
Thanks.

Fucking asshole! Are you happy now?
Are you gay? Sick bastard.

Hey.
Yeah?

Can you help me with something?
Sure.

But what is it now then?

Do you need a babysitter?
It's just kind uncle Bosse wondering.

Maybe a little girl who want to walk in the
forest and take a look at all the little...

No, I don't have any children.
A dog then maybe?

Maybe there's other kids in the building
who would enjoy games like

'milking the cow', or water sports...

No children, no vacation. And I'm thirsty.

Maybe there's a small hamster that
would enjoy pleasant company?

We can do it on the way.
What is it you want help with? My plane...
Rob a bank.

Isn't that pretty illegal?
Are you religious?

No, but I grew up in...
Hey, listen to me now.

I'm not exactly who you think I am.

Two years ago,
I didn't exactly drive a taxi!

I was a bus driver.
Oh.

Had a wife, children,
and a house worth 1.9 million.

"Intercourse 300,-"

But then SL was privatized.

And the new owners wanted
to cut down on the costs.

So the fired the drivers,
but kept the busses.

My wife did the same.
She fired me, but kept the house.

So here I sit in a borrowed
taxi that I sleep in at nights.

And with a 1.9 million loan. Tough.
And expensive.

I have payments of 38 thousand a month,
for something that my ex-wife uses,

and that's owned by the bank,
where her new husband is a chairman.

No, I'm not gonna rob them.

I'm just gonna make a huge
withdrawal, of 1.9 million,

to get out of a debt that's no longer mine.

What do you want me to do then?
My plane leaves in 50 minutes.

You just have to wait in the car and
keep the engine running. As soon as...

Wow!
What the fuck?

So this is the new highway.
But, isn't this a bit ambitious?

Yeah, the PM has always been crazy. Do you
remember that time he set interest up 500%?

Yeah, this puts the bridge between
Sweden and Denmark to shame.

Let's go skiing!
But what about my bank robbery?

Eh, we're in Switzerland.
It's swarming with banks here.

Imagine being able to afford to live here.

Yes, it is expensive to live here.
And only successful people live here.

The man who lives in this villa
is considered totally unscrupulous.

He made his first million with
a money counting machine.

By 1988 he had built a business
empire across all of Europe.

Two years later he was the boss
of an international chain of banks.

And in 1992 he got famous as
a stone cold but successful oil tycoon.

Today he is Sweden's richest businessman
and his name is know across the world.

He is Jon Stenbok, and this is the first
time he's agreed to a short interview.

May I ask you, Jon Stenbok, you walk
in the halls of power all across the world,

What is your vision for the future?

Sometimes I see the world as a tiny pea.
Or a bird.

One of those with wings.

My mother had a bird.

In her hat. It's sad, isn't it?
Hello?

Do you want anything?
No thank you. I have a belly ache.

Me too, one week a month.
All year.

Do you have a headache pill?

Nurses have white uniforms.
I give out hard spirits.

Spirits, I have spirits. Anybody
want hard spirits? Spirits?

Anybody?
No? Forget about it then. Spirits!

Spirits anyone?

No, I just want a Campari.
Yeah, and I want a Mirre.

No.

Absolut Vodka.
For men who know how to say no.

He is everything. For me at least.
He is so nice, you just want to hug him.

He simply has everything a guy should have.
He is like an animal, he...

Claes M�nsson.
- Women's own choice.

Do you have trouble with grass stains
on your wife after intercourse?

So, a drink before we leave.
Thanks.

Have you booked a table?
Yes. Where is Jacob?

He's on the toilet.
... but for fucks sake!

Is it difficult, darling?
Difficult?

The user manual is all wrong.
Oh, yeah it's often like that.

We had planned that this would be
hooked up by the time you got here,

so that the guys had something
to listen to while we were out.

But the user manual is in German.
Oh, that makes it difficult.

I'm really good in German, but this is not
proper German. The letters are all wrong.

Jacob, do you want a dry martini?
Dry Martinique.

What?
Dry Martinique.

It's originally a drink from Martinique
in West India. Who'd have though?

Do you want a dry Martinique then?
No thanks, I'll be driving later.

But you're not going home before tomorrow.
One drink wont hurt.

Hey, a drink like that contains 8 per mil.
I can't drive with that tomorrow.

Aren't you dead with 8 per mil?
Hah, you calculate like this:

Let's simplify it by saying that
a person weighs 100kg.

8cl of that is 1/8000, so 8 per mil.

C'est la vie. Check-check. No,
you're not dead before you have 150 per mil.

Which means two 75cl.

Is it really calculated like that?
Apparently.

Can't you help Bj�rn with the stereo?

I'll get some soda water. I put those in the
fridge, so that they would be cold. Smart.

Is it full of typos?
Yeah, this is totally ludicrous.

Where you should
insert the speaker cable,

some fucking idiot has
written "Achtung!" Anliberba.

But put it in there, fuck it.

Yeah, but the idiots has packaged
the wrong cables. Typical.

But just cut those off and rewire them.
That's what I always do.

Carina, bring the scissors!

Can I have a look?
There's no pictures.

Ok, let's have a look then. "Achtung!"
"Ach" means "with",

and "tung" is German for "tuning".
You should insert the radio here.

But where is that cable?

Try to imagine how regular people are
supposed to managed things like these.

Couldn't it be like this...
Kind Sophie!

No, no, no. Let her try.
We have all evening, after all.
Yes Sophie?

What if you put the red speaker cables with
a dot on, into the red slots with a dot on?

Yeah, you could do that. But it's not right.
But we can leave it like that, for now.

Here's the soda water. And here's the
scissors darling, how's it going?

No, I've found a way to rewire the whole
thing now, so that wont be needed anymore.

Yes! Music! What the fuck?
Damn, I need the scissors.

Let me try. There.
Faulty screw threads.
Typical.

But, shouldn't you at least try
to push the On button?

Yeah, on this model you can do that.
But it's not right.

Aren't you leaving now?
Yes, are you ready?

Have a nice time, darling.
I might sleep at Sophie's place.

Yeah, just try to get on the right bus now.

Yes. Sophie has written down the
number of the bus on a note.

But check that the bus has the same
number as the one on the note. Smart.

Kiss.

Oh, how nice to be with an
adult for a few hours.

Compared to a night together with Jacob,
changing diapers is an intellectual meeting.

What high demands you have.

For me it's enough he is horny sometimes,
and takes the initiative every now and then.

Oh my god! Yeah, that's the worst thing
I've ever done! He was even a boy scout.

How did he get into the taxi anyway?

Oh, you shouldn't complain.
You got to sit up front.

Nothing is where it did when we left home.
He was everywhere!

I don't understand how he managed
to get both breasts into one hand.

Why did he get your phone number?
Oh but he didn't. I gave him yours.

What? But, he was really cute. Asked about
my children, how small they were and all.

Hey, keep your child problems to yourself.

I want a big buff guy, not an old man.
I want someone who takes what he wants.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I apologize, I can't see very well.

Not at all, not at all. I was totally my
mistake. I'm so sorry.

I'm very clumsy, standing like that with
my elbow straight out into the big empty.

I have too long arms. It's something
with the spine. I'm so sorry.

Are you by yourself?
Yes.
Yes.

No. No!
I'm waiting for a...

...girlfriend. Yes. Of course.
I understand exactly. So sorry.

I'm an idiot!
Shit.

Oh, I'm so sorry. What the fuck is
wrong with you? Are you afraid?

Oh, am I late?
Yeah, a few hours maybe?

I'm sorry, but I'm having a
really tough time now.

Rome yesterday. Miami tomorrow,
and Mikke is driving me crazy.

Janne...
Wait a moment, so that I can order. Hello!

It's so good that you called me to talk.
I really need to talk too. Really.

Yes, please?

I'm really hungry. I'll have a raw steak.
Have you eaten? I can't.

Do you have any money? This was a
little more expensive than I had thought.

Thanks, now you have to run along
sweetie, because we are going to talk.

Talk to me.
Yes, Janne...

Is it ok if you get it
when I get my salary?

Mikke is so terribly cheap these days.

Just before I came here now, I asked him
nicely if I could have 4000 for a coat,

because that is really cheap. And he
says: "4000? Where would I get that from?"

Well, you could take the child
alimony for example, says I.

"The alimony?
That's the kids' money"

Hey, who gave birth to them? You or me?
Hand over the money.

I'm pregnant.
Oh.

I thought the early stages were really
hard work, but then things got much easier.

But I don't wont to work anyway.
But Mikke said:

"So you're just gonna hang out at
home for 8 and 1/2 months then?"

No, not like that, I said. But I might need
some time to prepare myself emotionally.

I'm no chicken, after all.

But Janne's gotten it into his head
that he might not be the father.

Oh, I really have no idea who's
the father to either Janina or, oh...

what's he called. My other one.
Tiny one. Blond. Upwards nose.

Whatever. Mikke is just as cheap anyway.

So now he's beating me.
All night long.

I think it's really tough. A woman has
to be allowed to fuck around a little bit!

But it is Janne that's the father!
But then it's much worse! That's unfair!

Oh, here's my food.
One steak, here you are.

Will you be a sweetheart and stay for
desert? Eh, well I can get a menu.

Silly. You're the desert.
Oh, humor.

You have to help me. Can I stay with you?
Oh, I don't think you want to do that.

I'm no fun these days.
God, what this was tasty!

I'm not asking because I want to have fun.
I'm afraid!

Little Kaisa.
Lise-Lott!
Where?

You have to help me.
Tiny, tiny... you.

There is actually something I can
do for you. Do you want that?

I can give you the address to
a really nice hotel on Beachlane.

Fuck you!

You see how I look, and feel,
and I'm scared!

I come to you because I have nobody else.

Wait a second now. We're gonna grab
this situation by the horns.

You call me, and I come here.
You talk to me, and I try to help you.

But apparently it doesn't matter what I do,
because you're not one bit happier,

and I'm very emotional about
these kind of things.

Are you aware that my ascendant is Pisces?
Sorry?

Do you understand that I feel
fucking invisible? Yes, yes.

It's fucking fun to try to help someone,
when it doesn't mean a damned thing!

I apologize.

Apologize? You're just saying that
because I'm not worth taking seriously.

I'm sorry.

Who the fuck is most sorry then, you or me?
I'm worthless!

I'm gonna be there for you anyway.

Do you want the address of the hotel?
Yes.

Okay. Here you go. I'm giving you this now.
Thanks.

I have to go now, I have to
get to a carwash as well.

Mikke becomes really upset if
I come home with a dirty car.

Talk about having problems!
Must be tough.

Claes M�nsson
- A taste you'll never forget

Johnny Walker, here you are.
Thanks.

Is this seat taken?
No.

It's nice and quiet here.
Yes.

I usually drop by after work, to
gear down a few notches. Oh.

Cheers.
Cheers.

I work with floors.
Oh, floors, yes.

Linoleum, vinyl, parquet. Floors is
a lot about materials. Ok.

Do you want some nuts?
No, thank you.

Linoleum, vinyl. Tarquet has come now too.
Oh.

But I don't know, I guess I'm a bit
conservative. When it comes to materials.

What the fuck did he do?

What a fucking swine! The whole fucking
city is filled with crazy people.

I sincerely apologize. But it wasn't
your fault. It's horrible how people act!

Yeah, really. Imagine if we
should go around... We?

Well, I didn't mean you, but if I should...
No. That is baby behavior.

Yes, exactly.
Damn!

It's disgusting!
Yes, horrible!

Anicken.

That was really unnecessary,
are you never gonna grow up?

Why did you do that? I have asked
you to not do things like that.

You're embarrassing me,
when you go around like that...

More whiskey?

What lovely weather.
It is?

Yes? Yes.
Yeah, maybe?

Don't you have a job?
I'm sorry?

Divorced.
Cancer.

What?
What a life.

Horrible.
People have a hard time.

Yes, very.
Expensive.

Intercourse
150,-

HELLO!
HELLO!

IS EVERYBODY HERE?
NO, MARGARET IS SICK.

A COLD.
HOW DID IT GO WITH THE BOAT YESTERDAY?

GOOOOD! WE GOT THE MAST UP AT 5'O CLOCK!

DOES SHE HAVE A FEVER?
NO, JUST A SOAR THROAT.

WONDERFUL WEATHER.
DID YOU GET GUITAR PICKS?

YES!
I PUT TOO MANY CLOTHES ON!

ARE WE DOING THE SAME PROGRAM?
YES!

THE BUS WAS LATE THIS MORNING!
AGAIN?

WHO WILL HOLD THE MONEY BOX?
IT'S ANE'S TURN!

I HAD TO RIDE MY BIKE!
I WISH THEY COULD MAKE THAT BETTER!

1-2-3-4

He has opened the pearly
gates, so that I can come in...

Homeless street musicians.
Begging their way through life.

Drinking, starving, and dying.
What a life.

Horrible.
People have a tough time.

Yes, very.
And expensive.

Yes, can I help you?
Yes, we want to buy a TV.

A text-TV.
A text-TV.

Yes, with news and stuff like that.
You do sell text-TVs?

Oh, yes. Eh, we're not exactly
sure what size we want.

We talked about a 28".
Yes, so that we don't have to sit too close.

Ok. Then I would recommend this
one, if you can follow along.

There. A Panasonic 28". 400 jing resolution.

Yes, it seems nice. Do you want us
to transport it to your house?

Yes, please.
I've eaten pancakes!

How nice Olle.

One Panasonic 28" shipped to...
8 Farmerstreet. Three steps up. "Hansson".

I'll do it right away!

Goodbye!
Goodbye.

So, what do you think?
It seems fine.

Can it receive Finish stations?
Yes.

Finish TV is so silly.

Where is the fruit salad?

Quiet, silly.
Sweet darling.

The fruit salad is in the fridge.
There.

Idiot...

It's not easy being the man of the house...

Mum! I forgot one of
the boots under the bed...

Darnit! The kid is more
stupid than a sperm whale...

An inflated kid in the basement,
and a crazy dictator in the kitchen...

Did you call on your
little engineer, darling?

Toka! Move your legs - get back up to
your room, it's your birthday!

What?

Why do you have a freestyle?

It's my birthday.
I don't want to look.

Move your legs - get back up to your room!

What?

Move your legs - get back up to your room!

I'll miss my bus! I promise
not to look, please!

Not look? You're looking all the time!
What will the freestyle help?

I didn't think about that...

Look Bill. gangsters!

Is she making any sense?

GANGSTERS, GANGSTERS...

Is it in stereo?

The lady's index finger.

5 millions in 1000-bills,
or we will send an ear next time.

You have 24 hours.
The envelope.

What's that?
An envelope.

Yes, but it's white!
Yes?

Yes, it's not recycled paper!

What do you mean "recycled paper"?

Don't you know how much rain
forest is disappearing each year?

Don't you know how that
affects the global eco-system?

What kind of world will it be if
nobody takes responsibility?

If nobody gives a shit?

What kind of person are you?
Don't you have any morals?

I'm sorry.

Recycled paper.
- For you who cares.

Specially
- A program from the news department

Good evening, and welcome
to this evening's debate.

That will discuss state secretary
in the department of defense

Jonas Kalholm's sensational claim yesterday,

that Sweden should strengthen our
military airplanes with nuclear missiles.

With us this evening, is
Anders Helmer, foreign affairs.

Jan Guillou
Journalist, writer.

�ke Lindemalm
Admiral.

And Britt Bohlin
from the defense administration.

Welcome, all of you.

Vi have Jonas Kalholm here,
and before I start the debate

I would like to ask you to comment
on your claim yesterday,

about arming our military
airplanes with nuclear weapons.

Did I say that?
Yes, on the news yesterday.

Yeah, that�s...
so typical of me.

Did I really say that?

Yes, and I would like it if you
could comment on that now.

Yeah, then I...

I take it all back.
It's taken out of thin air.

I don't know where I got that from.
It kinda just slipped out of my mouth.

It was a joke, then.
Actually.

As a young schoolboy I used
to make up all kinds of things.

The guidance councilor said it
was because I was so short.

Yes, we have 58 more minutes,
before the tennis championship starts.

Are you gonna watch the tennis?

No.
No? You're not interested in tennis?

No.

Another sport maybe?
Billiards?

Bowling? Discus throwing?
No.

I like the card game Memory.
Yes?

If there's no wind.

The birds are always difficult to remember.

Yeah, I think we can put on anything now.

Yesterday the local inhabitants were
victims of new grenade attacks.

The number of dead is constantly growing.
Many of the victims are children.

In addition to the killings,
there's been a rise of rapes,

torture and looting on such a scale,
that nobody seems to care anymore.

The insanity of war has the
surrounding areas in a choke hold.

And yet, here I am,

28 Celsius water temperature,
29 Celsius in the air.

A rum and coke costs one dollar,
and yesterday,

a female volleyball team
arrived at the hotel.

What a weird and unfair world we live in.

Tommy Hagstr�m reporting for the news.

Did you get that?
Yes.

Let's go for a swim then.

I mean, after 15 years in the field,
you're allowed to relax a little.

The wine menu.
Thanks.

A Dom P�rignon -56 for starters,
and for the meat I'd like

a Rothschild -62,
if it's been stored here?

Since 1972.
Good.

You can bring in the Domp'
when the Wonder makes an entry.

The Wonder?

Don't worry, you'll understand
when you see her. Ah.

Hello.

Thanks.
What a place!

I've never been here.
Right now it's amazing.

How tan you are.
Was it sunny where you were?

It's sunnier here.
And brighter... and warmer.

Stop it, I get embarrassed.

Eva. Tell me, you that see me...

If you could find the time.

I'm sorry?
No harm done, I've been in love too.

It's a few years ago now.
It didn't end very happily, but

never mind. Life moves on.
In a week it'll be Monday again.

That was sad to hear. No harm done, miss,
I've been through lots of Mondays before.

No, I mean what you said about
your boyfriend. Oh yeah, him.

You mean Bertil, whom I was
engaged to for 8 years,

who cheated on me with Inga P�rsson.

45 Lundastreet, in Tebu.

Our garde manger here,
and my best friend.

I thought you meant Mondays...
No, I...

Because on Mondays I just drink.

What can you do, when it's hell
around you wherever you turn?

To quote the man in the valley of shadows
of death, when the alcohol abuse therapist

tried to make him interested
in homemade art. Cheers.

I'm sorry, I talk too much.

It's just that we got engaged here, and

I saw that this gentleman's jacket
is almost the exact same as his...

When you got engaged?
We sat by this same table.

No, I saw the jacket for
the first time when he

was fucking Inga, on the friolator...
Thanks, that's enough.

straight to the left in the kitchen.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
I would like to wish you a happy toast.

While it lasts.

Yeah, but poor thing...
Oh, yeah. Cheers darling.

To us.
To us.

Wait.

Cheers.

Yes?

I'm sorry, I'm hopeless, but

it's so rarely to see young customers here,
and remind me of all that...

The menu is too expensive
for the kids I guess.

It's that fucking garde manger salary!
Sorry.

I just thought that since
the jackets were so similar,

that maybe you would like
to see a photo of Bertil?

It was the biggest moment in my life.
It's from our honeymoon.

I'm the one carrying the bags,
and that is Bertil.

Apparently the one hugging him
from behind was some kind of sister.

Oh, how pretty. Look.

Was this before or after the episode on
the friolator? Oh, but Tommy.

Funny. Yes, that was really entertaining.

You have to have a sense of humor,
if you want to survive.

The Jews in the concentration camps
apparently joked a lot too.

Seriously though, this
picture was taken in Nice.

That he had a French sister...

Ok, we have looked at this now,
and listened to your story.

So now we will bury this,
together with Bertil,

the friolator and the French sister,
and look ahead instead,

To our engagement for example.
Absolutely. That's the right mindset.

I would like to congratulate you,
and wish you a long and happy life.

And a good start to this new life,
could be some food perhaps?

I will bring it immediately.

But...
Yes?

Eh, no. It's silly.
But say it.

I have Bertil's ice skates here too,
in case you want to try them on?

Take your fucking box and get out of here,
now! Like a bullet.

But I just thought that since
the jackets were so similar...

Come, let's go.
That's what Bertil said.

No, don't leave. Wait! I won't bring
that up again. There, it's gone.

I'm done with that episode on the friolator.
I can see the funny side of it now.

Oh, hi.

My name is Cancer.

Was I interrupting something?

I almost always do that,
in some way.

Almost, anyway.
I have to tell you,

I just came from an old lady,
and she was... very beautiful.

And calm.
As if she had been waiting for me.

Her home was quiet,
she had even made the bed.

Sat with her hands in her lap when I came,
and laughed.

You could see that her eyes had
seen what they needed to see.

She had very mild eyes.

And her hands, they were so crispy.

Like beautifully chiseled bird wings.

And she moved them so
careful over her body,

when she noticed that I had come.
Like she wanted to shake my hand.

And tell me that she wasn't afraid.
But that... that is very rare.

Usually you are really scared when I come.

And that's not strange,

because you are suddenly made aware
of the most natural thing in the world.

That life has an end.
Your whole world is suddenly at an angle.

Where it actually always should be.
I mean,

You are all living a
tumor's length from death.

And, still...
You are chasing through life,

like you are afraid you won't
have time to die.

But you'll get there in time.
I promise.

But do you have time to live?

You have to excuse me but,
you seem so lost sometimes.

Like you don't know what it is
you're lacking. So depressed.

'till I come knocking.
Then life is suddenly very important.

Every second should be savored.
A breath, a look at the sky.

Every sunrise is unique,
and

all stupid little things that
used to be so important,

suddenly don't mean a thing anymore.

Like if I, had opened a gate to life.

Why didn't you open that yourself?

Oh, sometimes I come knocking a little
too soon. I know.

But that should be an alarm clock,
for all you others.

And sometimes I go back, on my own.
And give you more time.

And that's something you never forget.

Actually I should sit with
all of you for a while.

Just to see what happens.

I might do you a favor.
Who knows?

Look. I'm wearing them myself now.
It doesn't hurt anymore.

I really like myself now.

Disappear from my life, you bitter old hag.

Or I'll kill you!
No, Tommy!

Can't we get engaged all three of us?

I've got my own ring,
so you don't have to worry about that.

You're playing with death!

Death?

Who are you?

Death.

Have you come to get me?

I have walked beside you long.
I know.

Can't you wait a little longer?

I don't postpone.

I've heard that you are very good at
playing chess. How about a game?

You seem anxious.
Are you hiding something?

Nothing escapes you, does it?
Nothing - escapes - me.

Nobody escapes me.

I am anxious, this is true.
You are afraid.

I've forgotten where the pieces were placed.
But I never forget.

You won't get off that easy.

Hello!

Hello. Stop that silliness. Playing
chess won't make you any money.

What should we play then?
Bingo-lottery, of course!

Or what do all you people at home say?
Surely Bingo-lottery is the game!

Look here: A brand new Volvo 940,
worth aprox. 200.000,-

That's something for the men.
And for the women, look here:

A brand new kitchen, with the finest,
of the newest, of most kitchen things.

Aprox. 80.000,- value. You can make anything
for the man of the house.

Doesn't that sound like Bingo?
Bingo?

Sweden now has almost
half a million homeless.

Wrecks without a place to live,
that sleep amongst trash,

eats garbage, people who live
in the utmost social despair.

We have gotten the opportunity
to talk to one of them.

Let me ask: How do you pass the
time, here at the bottom of society?

Mostly you lie and shiver.
Ponder...

The consessisual agreement with channel 4,
what will happen there?

Will the Bank of Finance change direction,
or will they strengthen their V-act?

Stuff like that.

No, it's darkness. Kierkegaard is dead,
and Lichtenstein.

The polarity of the theory of evolution,
is hopeless.

Polar... theo..
Yes, well

"Kein Lebendiges ist Eins,
immer ist Eins Vieles"

to quote Goethe.

Yes, I think we'll have to
show some commercials here.

Yes, that's right.

T - Red.
- For the clear minded.

Hello.
Claes!

Oh, how we have waited.

Claes M�nsson. - Always with
something in his back pocket.

Thanks.
No dad,

now the point is going to me.
And then its,

6-0. 6-0. 5-0.
And it's my serve.

Yeah, you seem a bit drowsy today.

Maybe you should stop by dr. Dengerot,
so that he can have a look at you?

Say hi from me, I know him very
well. He's a wonderful person.

Watch out,
new balls.

15-0.

You gotta lower your backhand a little.
Don't just slack of.

Society is so slack these days,
so you gotta fight back.

You've said so yourself. And we
have made a bet about a box of cigars.

So, jump around.
Watch out.

30-0. Yeah,
that's wasn't all bad.

Fucking asshole.
Oh what is that saying again:

If you slack,
you'll have a heart attack.

Watch out.

40-0.
Dickhead.

And before the match ball, I would like to
quote a good friend. I know him very well.

Never look back. Never feel inwards.
Always be on your way up.

Watch out.

Intercourse: 150,-
I can dance too.

Topsy und Wulfe have
passed away.

Two legendary entertainers who always
had a practical joke up their sleeve,

to brighten the surroundings...

no matter how difficult and hopeless
it might feel.

Hello?

As I was saying..
Two great comedians have left us.

But Topsy und Wulfe weren't just artists,
but also family men.

Who... cared.

And had respect, for other people,

which was their guiding star,
all through their life.

From dust to dust...

Ashes to ashes...

Let's remember Topsy und Wulfe,
for their burning commitment...

and the joy they gave us,
in the darkness.

During today's burial of the comedic duo
Topsy und Wulfe,

a protest was held outside
the graveyard.

Hordes of skinhead are here to demonstrate.

The skinheads belong to a group called
SAR. Swedish Austrian Resistance.

We have the leader of SAM here,
Manfred Wunderbaum.

What is this all about?
It's the Austrian hate-image.

What hate-image? The illegal immigration
of Austrians into Swedish territory.

Which is extremely dangerous, because
of their Nordic appearance.

I mean, it's very difficult for a
Swedish teen, to know who is a nigger,

if the nigger is white.

What do you mean?

Let's say you are walking along,
minding your own busyness,

and suddenly you realize that half
of those you thought were Swedish,

turns out to be Austrian.
It's frightening.

How can you know that?

In their shopping carts.

There's Wiener-sausages,
Wiener-snitzles, Wiener-bread.

There's Austrian junk food everywhere.

Death to Topsy, death to Wulfe.
Death to all lederhosen.

But why this extreme reaction to
just Topsy und Wulfe?

Because they were Austrian. They
were funny. And they were very gay.

Gay?
"Beer across the border"

A terrorist organization,
led from Salzburg

Are you Austrian, you fucker?
Do you have lederhosen?

Pardon me for asking, but your own
name, Wunderbaum. Isn't that Austrian?

Wunderbaum?

Wunderbaum is Norwegian.
From Bergen.

So you are Norwegian?

Helsingfors.

Can I come in? Not yet?
Is everything ok?

A little while longer. You know
how women are with keeping time...

Congratulations honey! So I can come in?
But why...

Don't tell me it's a...
I'm sorry. But try to take it like a man!

Say hi to your newborn son.

But! Don't do anything stupid.
Think happy thoughts.

Am I going crazy? No, not at all.
But life does sometime take strange turns.

But why are you acting up like that?
I thought there was something wrong.

Come to daddy. Wait,
he just fell asleep.

Look, he's got your nose.
Oh, look!

Are you daddy's little boy?

I'm sorry, but everything is fine?
Oh yes, thanks. Everything is perfect.

The whole family is feeling great.

We've been apart for so long, you see.
Yes, I understand that.

It's incredible. For a while I thought
it might be over between us.

I'm sorry, but I have to tell you. What
has happened is a miracle!

My wife has been away in South Africa
for 1 and a half year.

And we've only spoken on the phone.
But then she came back last week,

and we had a wonderful night together.
And then *pang*.

Life can be very strange.
Yes, I don't understand anything!

Even Helena is confused, and
that's not often.

It would seem so.

I'm a bit behind sometimes, but
Helena is always one step ahead.

But you are such a wise man, Lenhard.
This isn't possible!

I'm sorry to bother you, but isn't
he a bit dark?

But your father is a bit dark
around the eyes. Oh yeah, it's strange.

With genes, I mean. How it can be copied
through generations.

But look. He actually looks
just like my own dad.

Are you a little granddad?

Don't you understand that your wife
has had intercourse with someone else?

But how could I have had that?
I've been to South Africa! Exactly.

But for fuck's sake.
It's a negro child!

She's a racists!
For God's sake!

Darling.
Darling!

Excuse me, young miss, but the baby room,
where the small ones come to the world,

where is that?

Excuse me, young miss. But is this
by any chance the bank?

The bank? Ok, then I'll ask someone else.
I know heaps of people.

Nice scarf.

How rude he was.

Yes, this is where I work.

I recognize this stairway.

I stopped by dr. Dengerot this afternoon,
to hear if there was something that needed

to be amputated before summer. But he
was very skeptical.

A wonderful person.
I know him too.

We're gonna have a meeting.
"Meeting".

Okay, it's like this: The boos,
the CEO I mean,

he's very much...
the boss.

He's turning 50.

And I mean we are talking "birthday"

"Present".

Yes. A nice thing we could do,
that...

Well, he likes dogs, the CEO,
and...

We could put a dog in his room,
early in the morning.

When he comes, he'll get very happy
and wants to pet the dog.

But the dog is drenched in gasoline,
and we put it on fire,

so he burns up,
and gets totally black.

That would be nice.

Yes. I can talk to Manneklint.
He has a kennel.

I know him. Not the kennel,
but Manneklint. A wonderful person!

We served in the army together,
he is...

a little gay perhaps. But very elegant.

I'm still talking about Manneklint,
and not the other person.

I think it would be fun to give a
fantasy present.

All the colors in the rainbow.

And we could put it in some fair cotton,
with golden edges.

Maybe we could have some angels on top,
who sings.

And then maybe it could get dark, so that
you couldn't see the present. I don't know.

Yes. Well, I like buns.

Are we talking present here, or are we
talking present? And I mean present.

Yes. A nice thing we could do with buns
would be, if we baked an enormous giant bun.

135x26 meter. And then we give that
bun to him. The CEO.

And just when he's going to eat the bun,
we've hidden a huge tank inside,

that'll blow his head off.

How surprised he would be.

No, no. Quiet, quiet.

No, I don't want to talk to her.

She hurts too much.

Yes, it's always a bit complicated
with marriages between siblings.

I know a little bit about that,
as it was the same with my parents.

I know them very well.
Wonderful people.

I could talk to them.
They might have a small bun.

Yes. But when I think about a bun,
I get a fantasy idea.

What if you could enter the bun,
and there's a theatre show there,

with weird animals.
That you are allowed to pet.

And maybe there's a lamp there,
that you don't see.

And then everything turns black.
Or, I don't know.

I just want to say that I know my parents
very well. That was all I wanted to say.

So, shall we decide on the bun then?

No, I don't think he should get a bun.
He could get full.

That's all I'm saying.

I'm very

Isn't it time we use our brains now?
This about a bun...

it's just too silly.

A nice thing we could do with his wife would
be if we minced her into fine minced meat

With salt and pepper and everything.
And then we make 352 hamburgers out of her,

that we give to him. Because he wouldn't be
able to eat them.

Because he's a vegetarian.
That would be nice.

Or we could make a fairytale princess,
from marzipan.

With pink panties in cr�pe paper, and then
when you touch it, there's birds singing.

Mystical. That you can't really hear.

Because it turns black. Or something.
I don't know.

Yes, that's a very intelligent present.

So. Shall we decide on that, then?

No. I don't think he should get a present.
I think he should get a punishment. Yes!

"Punishment". But that's a good idea!
To give away a punishment as a present.

And it's so unexpected too! Let's
see what kind of punishments there are.

Rape: 4-10 years.

Assassination of royalty: Life.

Typewriting: death.

Finland
- A bit simpler, a bit funnier.

Do you have problems with grass stains on
your wife, after intercourse in the yard?

It can be a problem. But now there's the new
Cocaine Color. A totally new detergent...

Hello.

Are you very angry? Of course I am. I've
been lying here sick, and you just run away.

I'm sorry. I got angry because of the other
man, and we had decided we were going away.

Can't you understand that?
Yes.

But I get so angry because you want to
decide everything we do.

I need to have my own life too, or our
relationship becomes worthless.

And I get scared.
I know.

I think I want to decide so much,
to feel that we're a couple.

I'm so afraid you won't love me.
I love you.

I love you.

Do I have to lie here alone for long?

I'm just gonna make us both a
romantic airplane drink.

It takes so long.

Have you had dinner here?
Yes, with Lotta.

HE hasn't been here, if that's
what you think. He?

The taxi driver.
Has he been here?

But I just said that he hasn't.
Good.

I said that he hadn't been here. Ok?
Ok.

No. I won't put up with this anymore.
It's enough. I won't put up with it!

I said OK.
GO!

What the fuck do you want me to think?
I said it was OK!

You don't listen!
But you won't hear!

But you don't listen!
BUT YOU DON'T HEAR A THING!

Must people's lives always be like this?
Can't they meet and be grateful for

the happiness we can give each other? Don't
blame me. That's the way the vision is.

But I'm not blaming you, I'm asking.

I'm showing you my visions, and what do I
get? Bitter wine and an attack.

For fuck's sake, I haven't attacked you!
So shouting is a way of thanking then?

I won't put up with this. Don't blame me for
your bad health.

Is there anything I say that
gets through?

But you don't listen. But you don't hear
anything. You don't listen...

Hey. Did you say something? How would you
know? You don't listen.

Hey. Hello, is it you again? Yes. We know,
go and lay down in the pile yourself?

No, no, no. Wait a moment. I want to listen
to him. Why? Because he thinks.

Thanks for that! I've thought about
something. Yes, what did I tell you?

I have 0.5 on the left eye.
What do you have?

Ok. It's sad with things you like, when they
finish. Because it happens so suddenly.

You never have time to thank the ones who
are responsible for showing you a good time.

And people who don't experience gratitude,
they feel used.

First I thought that everybody should call
and thank each other all the time.

But then I realized... That out in the big
world, the BIG world

outside of Sundeberg, where I live,
there are these girls.

And they are always talking on the phone
with a girlfriend,

about a man that has hurt them,
or something.

So you can't get through and thank them,
since the line is always busy.

So it wouldn't be fair.
Yeah, that's true.

So I have invented a thank-you-pogo.
I don't understand...

You don't understand? No... No.

Well, the thank-you-pogo is like a big
plastic wheel that you walk around in.

Like those rats are running around in.

And you write the names of everyone you want
to thank on the outside of the wheel.

And when you leave someone who you've had a
good time with, to go to new happy people,

Then he will see his name turn up on the
wheel, when you leave.

And he will feel appreciated, and the world
will be smooth again.

But if everybody are walking around in big
plastic wheels, there'll be no space left.

Yes, but people might profit from keeping
their distance,

because it's so easy to hurt each other when
you get too close.

But there'll be very many wheels. Yes, very
many. How many?

I've calculated that!
I thought so.

If we say that everybody's got two friends,
and managed to get at least one girl,

at one point. And they get two children who
must have one wheel each.

Plus an extra wheel for the teenages.
Because you have so many friends then.

Then it's 31.500.000 wheels in Sweden,
per generation.

If we say that the boys will have the family
wheel, so it wont be so heave for girls.

They have so much else to drag around.
Lipsticks and underwear and such.

But I'm not sure if it's such a good idea,
because if these wheels are always turning,

then that mean everybody has to walk around
all the time, and then nobody will have time

to meet any new friends or wives, since
they're to busy looking at the wheels.

But you could make soft wheels, that are
turning even though you stand still.

So that the names are going by in front of
you constantly, like the credits to a film.

But what happens if the film stops?

I didn't think about that. Nope, thanks
anyway. Goodbye. Goodbye.

HEY! AREN'T YOU AFRAID ANNETTE WILL MEET
OTHER GUYS NOW,

WHEN SHE'S OUT LIKE THIS, ON HER OWN?
NO!

SHE HAS SOME KIND OF LOCK, THAT PREVENTS HER
FOR HAVING SEX WITH MEN

WHO AREN'T WEARING A SPECIAL BICYCLE HELMET.

I KNOW, BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME SO WHEN SHE
GAVE ME A HELMET LIKE THAT FOR MY BIRTHDAY.

SMART!

HEY!
ISN'T IT QUITE LOUD?

IT'S A GERMAN STEREO!

ACHTUNG! WHAT?
ACHTUNG! WHAT?

Europe? Eh, I'm skeptic.

Eh, nobody will notice. Just send it to the
lab. Is anybody going in to town?

Subtitles by www.cultcinema.net