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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,405 --> 00:00:05,195 Let's go! 2 00:00:49,646 --> 00:00:51,302 How are you doing? 3 00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:13,359 This harness is really cutting off circulation to my balls, 4 00:01:13,394 --> 00:01:17,432 so if someone could please get me down, I'd appreciate... 5 00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:18,709 Whoa! 6 00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,159 Oh! Get me down! 7 00:01:20,194 --> 00:01:21,728 Get me down! 8 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,247 Get me a ladder or something! 9 00:01:27,132 --> 00:01:29,065 Put the ladder down! 10 00:01:29,099 --> 00:01:30,652 Wait, wait. 11 00:01:34,001 --> 00:01:37,383 What the is this show? 12 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,042 Oh, yeah. 13 00:01:41,077 --> 00:01:42,699 The old pie in the face gag. 14 00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,459 Ultimate humiliation. 15 00:01:44,494 --> 00:01:46,220 The suit's kind of doing that already. 16 00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:48,670 Ohhh, no. 17 00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:55,574 Ha ha. 18 00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:07,034 What'd he say? I think he said "leech"... 19 00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,787 Oh, baby. There's leeches on your face. 20 00:02:08,788 --> 00:02:10,065 Then get them off! Take them off! 21 00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,343 - Me? - Yeah. 22 00:02:11,377 --> 00:02:12,426 - Are you sure? - Yes. 23 00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:16,124 Ooh. 24 00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,017 Alright. Humiliation endured, right? 25 00:02:31,052 --> 00:02:32,707 Stupid American family. 26 00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,992 People of Japan, listen to me, please. 27 00:02:35,436 --> 00:02:37,322 Our daughter has been missing for over a year. 28 00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,440 - Her name's Delilah... What? What? - Shh, shh, shh! No, no! 29 00:02:39,474 --> 00:02:41,448 You have to respect the game. We have to earn time. 30 00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:44,029 I earned it by having leeches on my face. 31 00:02:58,459 --> 00:03:00,046 Come on. 32 00:03:10,885 --> 00:03:12,576 Hey, I'm still harnessed here. 33 00:03:12,611 --> 00:03:13,681 Ah 34 00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,510 Ah! 35 00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,435 Oh, milk it! 36 00:03:43,469 --> 00:03:44,850 Oh, yes. 37 00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,653 Japanese cow schoolgirl power! 38 00:03:58,588 --> 00:04:00,521 Yeah, I think I finally found something I'm good at. 39 00:04:00,561 --> 00:04:02,389 And I don't think I'm allergic to cats anymore. 40 00:04:05,293 --> 00:04:06,417 Yeah. 41 00:04:11,438 --> 00:04:12,440 Baby, I'm so sorry. 42 00:04:12,441 --> 00:04:14,611 Babe, this is what we signed up for, okay? 43 00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,353 Ohh! 44 00:04:16,354 --> 00:04:17,408 God! 45 00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:24,998 Oh, my God. 46 00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:27,143 Why would you pick pots and pans? 47 00:04:27,178 --> 00:04:29,214 Because I thought I was picking things to take home. 48 00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:30,917 Ohh, we have pots and pans. 49 00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:32,079 No, those are cast iron. 50 00:04:32,114 --> 00:04:33,840 We have the non-stick imitation kind. 51 00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,220 These are so much better. 52 00:04:35,255 --> 00:04:36,748 Before I do this, 53 00:04:36,937 --> 00:04:39,273 I want you to remember how much interest I take in your hobbies. 54 00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:41,044 I know, baby, and that's why I love you so much. 55 00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:42,112 Come on. 56 00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:49,217 That's a... 57 00:04:51,276 --> 00:04:53,175 Why would you choose a bowling ball? 58 00:04:53,295 --> 00:04:55,071 Because you love bowling. 59 00:04:55,072 --> 00:04:57,620 I always thought you wanted to get your own ball. 60 00:04:58,485 --> 00:04:59,933 Oh, God. 61 00:04:59,934 --> 00:05:01,868 Please say the last thing is a pillow. 62 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,951 But we have pillows. 63 00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,063 What is it? 64 00:05:04,491 --> 00:05:05,985 Okay, baby. It is gonna hurt real bad. 65 00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,341 What is it? 66 00:05:07,736 --> 00:05:08,771 It's a microwave. 67 00:05:08,806 --> 00:05:10,290 Why would you pick a microwave?! 68 00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:11,428 Because you know that little nook in the kitchen 69 00:05:11,429 --> 00:05:13,327 right in the corner, the one we have that sticks out, 70 00:05:13,362 --> 00:05:15,029 and this one will go perfectly in that little area. 71 00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,632 The big one has worked fine for 16 years! 72 00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:22,889 Well, obviously, we'll take the cash. 73 00:05:27,976 --> 00:05:29,005 Ow! 74 00:05:33,278 --> 00:05:36,937 Bucket's full. 75 00:05:36,972 --> 00:05:38,318 - Drink. - Drink the milk. 76 00:05:38,352 --> 00:05:40,078 Come on. Drink the milk. Drink a lot! 77 00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:46,084 Oh, oh, the milk! 78 00:05:46,119 --> 00:05:47,361 It's so hot! 79 00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:49,591 I thought this came from a fake cow. 80 00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:51,573 Ugh. 81 00:05:54,636 --> 00:05:57,216 We really shouldn't drink other species' milk. 82 00:05:57,889 --> 00:05:59,960 Unless after Bozosan's 83 00:05:59,995 --> 00:06:02,098 chocolate cake-flavor shrimp chips. 84 00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:07,899 Bozosan's chocolate-flavor shrimp chips. 85 00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:10,108 Moo! 86 00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:12,040 I'm done!- 87 00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,435 Jared, talk about your sister! 88 00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,653 - What? - Talk about your sister. 89 00:06:29,507 --> 00:06:30,802 Jared. Sister. 90 00:06:30,803 --> 00:06:32,061 What are you doing? 91 00:06:32,096 --> 00:06:34,167 Keep flossing, Jared-o. 92 00:06:34,201 --> 00:06:36,065 Stop flossing, Jared-o. 93 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,861 Stop flossing and talk about your sister! 94 00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:40,932 I can't. Everyone loves it. 95 00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,073 Time's up! 96 00:06:45,834 --> 00:06:47,214 Let's go! 97 00:06:49,961 --> 00:06:51,287 I can't do it. I can't do it. 98 00:06:51,322 --> 00:06:52,622 I'm not gonna touch another man's penis. 99 00:06:54,221 --> 00:06:55,602 Hai. 100 00:06:55,636 --> 00:06:58,260 Have you never touched a penis you didn't want to? 101 00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:00,020 No, never.- 102 00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,267 Mom, please. 103 00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,924 It's just 12 penises. 104 00:07:24,237 --> 00:07:27,033 With Bozosan's Bitcoin-flavored shrimp chips. 105 00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:31,279 Number one for tech nerds and human traffickers. 106 00:07:31,313 --> 00:07:33,089 Welcome back to the show. 107 00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:35,801 Now for the most American show host ever. 108 00:07:35,835 --> 00:07:39,218 Please welcome Johnny Meatballs. 109 00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:00,009 I'll go on first. 110 00:08:01,171 --> 00:08:03,311 Ha ha, Abbott and Costello. 111 00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:10,145 Mr. Baseball! Tom Selleck! 112 00:08:16,981 --> 00:08:18,281 I'm not understanding this game at all. 113 00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:19,468 You think I get it? 114 00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:20,846 I think he's gonna ask us questions. 115 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,175 We answer truthfully. 116 00:08:36,407 --> 00:08:37,430 Uh... 117 00:08:39,347 --> 00:08:40,382 What? 118 00:08:40,417 --> 00:08:42,315 - 39. - Don't cheat. 119 00:08:46,154 --> 00:08:48,149 I'm 39 years old. 120 00:08:53,188 --> 00:08:54,933 I don't know. It doesn't seem right. 121 00:08:56,851 --> 00:08:58,278 - Yes. - Why would you say that? 122 00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:07,693 No lie. 123 00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,013 Okay, okay. 124 00:09:19,437 --> 00:09:23,362 American sweetheart Brittany Spears-u. 125 00:09:24,028 --> 00:09:27,031 Or American Big Mac cheeseburger. 126 00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,208 Ooh. 127 00:09:32,243 --> 00:09:35,004 Yeah. Americans eat more than fish and rice. Cool. 128 00:09:36,557 --> 00:09:37,869 Britney Spears. 129 00:09:45,221 --> 00:09:46,834 - Me? - Yes. 130 00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:50,571 Oh, uh, I don't... I don't... I don't... what is... 131 00:09:50,606 --> 00:09:52,470 Pick a name for the dog. 132 00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:54,299 Bandit. No. I don't like that. 133 00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:56,370 I... Spot. 134 00:09:56,405 --> 00:09:58,096 No, hold on. It's Band... Bandit was better. 135 00:09:58,126 --> 00:09:59,326 I want Bandit. Let's go with Bandit. 136 00:10:02,929 --> 00:10:04,404 Uh-oh. 137 00:10:29,265 --> 00:10:30,872 Did... Did we win? 138 00:10:33,819 --> 00:10:34,839 How much time did we win? 139 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,900 Hold on. So the dog's name was actually Spot, 140 00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,660 which means she lies. 141 00:10:44,694 --> 00:10:45,903 That is a lie. 142 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,349 And also, don't you just have to answer yes or no on polygraphs? 143 00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,716 Isn't that how it works?- 144 00:10:57,397 --> 00:10:58,619 Yes. 145 00:11:00,365 --> 00:11:01,862 She has. Yes, thank you for bringing that up. 146 00:11:01,863 --> 00:11:04,590 That's why we're here.- 147 00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:07,539 Great. Fantastic.- 148 00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:10,237 Awesome.- 149 00:11:10,272 --> 00:11:11,303 Yeah? 150 00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:14,566 Wait. What? 151 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,148 Uh... 152 00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:26,184 Geez, uh... 153 00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,442 Wasn't anybody's fault. 154 00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:42,028 How come I can't get an easy one like name a dog? 155 00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:51,589 No. I... No. 156 00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,678 - What are you doing? Answer him. - I don't want to. 157 00:11:56,456 --> 00:11:58,576 30 seconds? Come on. Let's go. 158 00:11:59,597 --> 00:12:02,186 The price is right. Let's go. What's the big deal? 159 00:12:02,187 --> 00:12:03,187 Yes. 160 00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:09,003 Okay. Fine. 161 00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,277 - Fine. It's my fault. - Yes. 162 00:12:11,236 --> 00:12:13,266 Sure. Yeah. 163 00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,681 Out of the three of us, yeah. It's me. 164 00:12:26,106 --> 00:12:29,247 He lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Ooh! 165 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,077 Oh! 166 00:12:31,111 --> 00:12:33,076 I didn't lie. I didn't lie. 167 00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:37,297 Ow! 168 00:12:42,122 --> 00:12:43,675 So hold on. Does that mean... 169 00:12:44,073 --> 00:12:45,643 you think it was my fault? 170 00:12:46,273 --> 00:12:47,367 No. 171 00:12:48,646 --> 00:12:51,994 And I tell you once again... 172 00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:53,168 he lie. 173 00:12:53,202 --> 00:12:55,308 So obviously you think it's my fault. 174 00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,603 Oh, you don't think it's his fault, do you? 175 00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,072 You're hooked up to a lie detector right now. 176 00:12:59,073 --> 00:13:01,065 A lie detector needs to have contact with your skin, okay? 177 00:13:01,066 --> 00:13:02,773 Most of these cords aren't even plugged in, 178 00:13:02,774 --> 00:13:04,293 and even if they were... 179 00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:06,053 This thing thinks you're 39. 180 00:13:06,088 --> 00:13:09,160 Jared believes his mother when she say she 39. 181 00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:10,886 Obviously, she's not 39. 182 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,266 Okay. Okay. 183 00:13:12,301 --> 00:13:15,397 So I think there's a lot of blame to go around. 184 00:13:15,398 --> 00:13:18,307 - But mostly on me. - I... Maybe. 185 00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:19,768 No. Yes. 186 00:13:19,769 --> 00:13:20,839 I don't know. I don't know. 187 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,243 All I know is that when I went away 188 00:13:23,277 --> 00:13:24,313 on a fishing trip in Alaska... 189 00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:27,109 He caught crabs. 190 00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:28,260 I caught hake. Oh. 191 00:13:28,261 --> 00:13:31,030 Okay? All I know is that three days later, 192 00:13:31,031 --> 00:13:33,790 after I got back, my daughter was gone. 193 00:13:34,269 --> 00:13:35,799 So you do think it's my fault? 194 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,000 - How is it my fault? - I don't know. 195 00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:38,258 Maybe you not being there for us. 196 00:13:38,292 --> 00:13:40,156 I went away to provide for us. 197 00:13:40,191 --> 00:13:41,571 You abandoned us. 198 00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,600 For money. 199 00:13:42,662 --> 00:13:45,944 Classic American capitalist destruction. 200 00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:49,140 They will rebound. Maybe! 201 00:13:53,376 --> 00:13:54,861 Whoo! 202 00:14:00,711 --> 00:14:04,284 Hey, hey, hey! Bad mother shrimp chips! 203 00:14:04,318 --> 00:14:06,666 Ooh, yeah! Bad mama! 204 00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,599 Ooh, yeah! Bad mama! 205 00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,221 Mmm, yummy. 206 00:14:25,052 --> 00:14:26,081 Now... 207 00:14:42,609 --> 00:14:44,211 So I just get my feet bit by fish? 208 00:14:45,774 --> 00:14:47,016 - Sweet. - Why didn't I get that one? 209 00:14:49,397 --> 00:14:50,652 I haven't chosen anything. 210 00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:57,112 - Enjoy your box. - Thanks. 211 00:14:59,373 --> 00:15:00,408 Yeah? 212 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,772 That's it? Sure. 213 00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:07,669 - Fine. I can sing. - Yeah. 214 00:15:11,525 --> 00:15:12,625 Of course. Everybody can do that. 215 00:15:12,627 --> 00:15:14,044 Classic American standard. 216 00:15:14,136 --> 00:15:15,586 Of course, but... 217 00:15:21,738 --> 00:15:22,741 What? 218 00:15:22,853 --> 00:15:24,475 I think I lost something in the translation. 219 00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:27,887 You're talking about a hand job?!- 220 00:15:27,988 --> 00:15:29,714 No. Absolutely not. No. 221 00:15:33,304 --> 00:15:34,679 Yes, I would, but... 222 00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:36,662 not on national television. 223 00:15:41,277 --> 00:15:42,405 - No. - Nothing to be seen. 224 00:15:42,406 --> 00:15:45,087 I don't care if... my son is right there. 225 00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:51,218 Nope. Not gonna do it. 226 00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,855 Absolutely not. Nope. No. 227 00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,344 I know my wife, and she's not gonna go along with this. 228 00:16:06,406 --> 00:16:08,408 Ha ha, well, joke's on you, pal, 229 00:16:08,442 --> 00:16:10,444 'cause I've trained for this my whole life. 230 00:16:10,479 --> 00:16:13,462 There is no way I... Why are you using lube? 231 00:16:24,286 --> 00:16:25,460 Please. 232 00:16:26,391 --> 00:16:28,311 Almost heaven 233 00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,183 West Virginia 234 00:16:31,185 --> 00:16:33,981 Blue Ridge Mountains 235 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:36,850 Shenandoah River 236 00:16:36,885 --> 00:16:38,265 Slow down. 237 00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:42,200 Life is old there, older than the trees 238 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,616 Baby, seriously. 239 00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:46,101 Younger than the 240 00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,103 Blowing like a breeze 241 00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,354 Country roads Country roads 242 00:16:50,355 --> 00:16:52,717 Don't use your fingers now 243 00:16:52,718 --> 00:16:54,109 Come on. Come on! 244 00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:55,386 To the place... 245 00:16:55,420 --> 00:16:57,146 Not fingers. What are you doing?! 246 00:16:57,181 --> 00:16:58,769 I belong 247 00:16:58,771 --> 00:16:59,771 Oh, my God. Now? 248 00:17:05,396 --> 00:17:07,018 Take me home 249 00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:08,399 No, no. 250 00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,021 Country ro... 251 00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:15,199 Oh me. 252 00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:18,098 Yay! 253 00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:19,272 It's everywhere. 254 00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:23,114 Ohh, why would you do that? 255 00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:28,106 Why would you make me do that on national television? 256 00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,148 It's not okay.- 257 00:17:34,149 --> 00:17:35,284 So much shame. 258 00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:38,468 Babe, you enjoyed! 259 00:17:44,228 --> 00:17:45,574 Who's in the box? 260 00:17:45,608 --> 00:17:46,817 Who's in the box? 261 00:17:47,956 --> 00:17:48,956 Who's in the box?! 262 00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:21,058 Nate, Nate. What are you doing? Talk! 263 00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:26,960 You have to... 264 00:18:26,995 --> 00:18:29,411 Nate! 265 00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:34,609 Speak! 266 00:18:36,107 --> 00:18:38,780 I... you got... 267 00:18:39,628 --> 00:18:41,388 Aaaaah! 268 00:18:41,423 --> 00:18:43,563 Say things about your daughter! 269 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,164 So Japan is all you remember from the past year? 270 00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:17,442 21 minutes out of an entire year? 271 00:19:17,477 --> 00:19:19,858 No. I remember waiting at consulates 272 00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:21,550 and embassies waiting for phones to ring, 273 00:19:21,584 --> 00:19:23,809 but the game show really was the highlight. 274 00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:26,215 I can't believe you guys traveled the world without me. 275 00:19:26,216 --> 00:19:29,212 No, we traveled the world looking for you, and it sucked. 276 00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:31,560 - I missed you so much. - I missed you. 277 00:19:31,594 --> 00:19:33,216 You know, you can come back if you want to. 278 00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:35,253 - Why would I want to do that? - I don't know. 279 00:19:35,287 --> 00:19:36,916 I just thought that's what you wanted to hear. 280 00:19:37,039 --> 00:19:38,593 Why don't you come with me? 281 00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:39,734 Where? 282 00:19:39,735 --> 00:19:41,998 I'm going to Russia next week to live with Pee Paw. 283 00:19:42,204 --> 00:19:43,643 I don't want to live in Russia. 284 00:19:43,744 --> 00:19:46,229 Well, I guess I won't be seeing you then. 285 00:19:52,096 --> 00:19:53,856 So you're never gonna come back, ever? 286 00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:55,288 Maybe. 287 00:19:55,524 --> 00:19:56,881 Pro... Probably not. 288 00:19:57,244 --> 00:19:58,728 Just funerals. 289 00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,064 Guy, rate of play. 290 00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:07,650 Rate of play. 291 00:20:07,704 --> 00:20:09,189 Or let the families play through. 292 00:20:09,222 --> 00:20:11,155 You've been on this hole for like an hour. 293 00:20:13,426 --> 00:20:16,325 Your whole family? Assholes. All of them. 294 00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:19,166 Synced and corrected by hawken45 for www.addic7ed.com 19415

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