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1
00:00:03,405 --> 00:00:05,195
Let's go!
2
00:00:49,646 --> 00:00:51,302
How are you doing?
3
00:01:10,391 --> 00:01:13,359
This harness is really cutting
off circulation to my balls,
4
00:01:13,394 --> 00:01:17,432
so if someone could please
get me down, I'd appreciate...
5
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:18,709
Whoa!
6
00:01:18,744 --> 00:01:20,159
Oh! Get me down!
7
00:01:20,194 --> 00:01:21,728
Get me down!
8
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,247
Get me a ladder or something!
9
00:01:27,132 --> 00:01:29,065
Put the ladder down!
10
00:01:29,099 --> 00:01:30,652
Wait, wait.
11
00:01:34,001 --> 00:01:37,383
What the is this show?
12
00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,042
Oh, yeah.
13
00:01:41,077 --> 00:01:42,699
The old pie in the face gag.
14
00:01:42,733 --> 00:01:44,459
Ultimate humiliation.
15
00:01:44,494 --> 00:01:46,220
The suit's kind of doing that already.
16
00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:48,670
Ohhh, no.
17
00:01:53,641 --> 00:01:55,574
Ha ha.
18
00:02:04,755 --> 00:02:07,034
What'd he say?
I think he said "leech"...
19
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:08,787
Oh, baby. There's leeches on your face.
20
00:02:08,788 --> 00:02:10,065
Then get them off! Take them off!
21
00:02:10,100 --> 00:02:11,343
- Me?
- Yeah.
22
00:02:11,377 --> 00:02:12,426
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
23
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:16,124
Ooh.
24
00:02:28,670 --> 00:02:31,017
Alright. Humiliation endured, right?
25
00:02:31,052 --> 00:02:32,707
Stupid American family.
26
00:02:32,708 --> 00:02:34,992
People of Japan, listen to me, please.
27
00:02:35,436 --> 00:02:37,322
Our daughter has been
missing for over a year.
28
00:02:37,323 --> 00:02:39,440
- Her name's Delilah... What? What?
- Shh, shh, shh! No, no!
29
00:02:39,474 --> 00:02:41,448
You have to respect the game.
We have to earn time.
30
00:02:41,538 --> 00:02:44,029
I earned it by having
leeches on my face.
31
00:02:58,459 --> 00:03:00,046
Come on.
32
00:03:10,885 --> 00:03:12,576
Hey, I'm still harnessed here.
33
00:03:12,611 --> 00:03:13,681
Ah
34
00:03:13,715 --> 00:03:15,510
Ah!
35
00:03:40,570 --> 00:03:43,435
Oh, milk it!
36
00:03:43,469 --> 00:03:44,850
Oh, yes.
37
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,653
Japanese cow schoolgirl power!
38
00:03:58,588 --> 00:04:00,521
Yeah, I think I finally
found something I'm good at.
39
00:04:00,561 --> 00:04:02,389
And I don't think
I'm allergic to cats anymore.
40
00:04:05,293 --> 00:04:06,417
Yeah.
41
00:04:11,438 --> 00:04:12,440
Baby, I'm so sorry.
42
00:04:12,441 --> 00:04:14,611
Babe, this is what
we signed up for, okay?
43
00:04:15,131 --> 00:04:16,353
Ohh!
44
00:04:16,354 --> 00:04:17,408
God!
45
00:04:23,830 --> 00:04:24,998
Oh, my God.
46
00:04:24,999 --> 00:04:27,143
Why would you pick pots and pans?
47
00:04:27,178 --> 00:04:29,214
Because I thought I was
picking things to take home.
48
00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:30,917
Ohh, we have pots and pans.
49
00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:32,079
No, those are cast iron.
50
00:04:32,114 --> 00:04:33,840
We have the non-stick imitation kind.
51
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,220
These are so much better.
52
00:04:35,255 --> 00:04:36,748
Before I do this,
53
00:04:36,937 --> 00:04:39,273
I want you to remember how much
interest I take in your hobbies.
54
00:04:39,328 --> 00:04:41,044
I know, baby, and that's why
I love you so much.
55
00:04:41,045 --> 00:04:42,112
Come on.
56
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:49,217
That's a...
57
00:04:51,276 --> 00:04:53,175
Why would you choose a bowling ball?
58
00:04:53,295 --> 00:04:55,071
Because you love bowling.
59
00:04:55,072 --> 00:04:57,620
I always thought you wanted
to get your own ball.
60
00:04:58,485 --> 00:04:59,933
Oh, God.
61
00:04:59,934 --> 00:05:01,868
Please say the last thing is a pillow.
62
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:02,951
But we have pillows.
63
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:04,063
What is it?
64
00:05:04,491 --> 00:05:05,985
Okay, baby. It is gonna hurt real bad.
65
00:05:05,986 --> 00:05:07,341
What is it?
66
00:05:07,736 --> 00:05:08,771
It's a microwave.
67
00:05:08,806 --> 00:05:10,290
Why would you pick a microwave?!
68
00:05:10,324 --> 00:05:11,428
Because you know that little
nook in the kitchen
69
00:05:11,429 --> 00:05:13,327
right in the corner,
the one we have that sticks out,
70
00:05:13,362 --> 00:05:15,029
and this one will go perfectly
in that little area.
71
00:05:15,030 --> 00:05:17,632
The big one has worked
fine for 16 years!
72
00:05:20,956 --> 00:05:22,889
Well, obviously, we'll take the cash.
73
00:05:27,976 --> 00:05:29,005
Ow!
74
00:05:33,278 --> 00:05:36,937
Bucket's full.
75
00:05:36,972 --> 00:05:38,318
- Drink.
- Drink the milk.
76
00:05:38,352 --> 00:05:40,078
Come on. Drink the milk. Drink a lot!
77
00:05:42,218 --> 00:05:46,084
Oh, oh, the milk!
78
00:05:46,119 --> 00:05:47,361
It's so hot!
79
00:05:47,589 --> 00:05:49,591
I thought this came from a fake cow.
80
00:05:50,544 --> 00:05:51,573
Ugh.
81
00:05:54,636 --> 00:05:57,216
We really shouldn't
drink other species' milk.
82
00:05:57,889 --> 00:05:59,960
Unless after Bozosan's
83
00:05:59,995 --> 00:06:02,098
chocolate cake-flavor shrimp chips.
84
00:06:03,895 --> 00:06:07,899
Bozosan's chocolate-flavor
shrimp chips.
85
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:10,108
Moo!
86
00:06:10,110 --> 00:06:12,040
I'm done!-
87
00:06:24,220 --> 00:06:26,435
Jared, talk about your sister!
88
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,653
- What?
- Talk about your sister.
89
00:06:29,507 --> 00:06:30,802
Jared. Sister.
90
00:06:30,803 --> 00:06:32,061
What are you doing?
91
00:06:32,096 --> 00:06:34,167
Keep flossing, Jared-o.
92
00:06:34,201 --> 00:06:36,065
Stop flossing, Jared-o.
93
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:38,861
Stop flossing and talk
about your sister!
94
00:06:38,896 --> 00:06:40,932
I can't. Everyone loves it.
95
00:06:40,967 --> 00:06:42,073
Time's up!
96
00:06:45,834 --> 00:06:47,214
Let's go!
97
00:06:49,961 --> 00:06:51,287
I can't do it. I can't do it.
98
00:06:51,322 --> 00:06:52,622
I'm not gonna touch
another man's penis.
99
00:06:54,221 --> 00:06:55,602
Hai.
100
00:06:55,636 --> 00:06:58,260
Have you never touched a penis
you didn't want to?
101
00:06:58,294 --> 00:07:00,020
No, never.-
102
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,267
Mom, please.
103
00:07:05,301 --> 00:07:06,924
It's just 12 penises.
104
00:07:24,237 --> 00:07:27,033
With Bozosan's
Bitcoin-flavored shrimp chips.
105
00:07:27,068 --> 00:07:31,279
Number one for tech nerds
and human traffickers.
106
00:07:31,313 --> 00:07:33,089
Welcome back to the show.
107
00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:35,801
Now for the most American
show host ever.
108
00:07:35,835 --> 00:07:39,218
Please welcome Johnny Meatballs.
109
00:07:58,962 --> 00:08:00,009
I'll go on first.
110
00:08:01,171 --> 00:08:03,311
Ha ha, Abbott and Costello.
111
00:08:08,005 --> 00:08:10,145
Mr. Baseball! Tom Selleck!
112
00:08:16,981 --> 00:08:18,281
I'm not understanding this game at all.
113
00:08:18,282 --> 00:08:19,468
You think I get it?
114
00:08:19,558 --> 00:08:20,846
I think he's gonna ask us questions.
115
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,175
We answer truthfully.
116
00:08:36,407 --> 00:08:37,430
Uh...
117
00:08:39,347 --> 00:08:40,382
What?
118
00:08:40,417 --> 00:08:42,315
- 39.
- Don't cheat.
119
00:08:46,154 --> 00:08:48,149
I'm 39 years old.
120
00:08:53,188 --> 00:08:54,933
I don't know. It doesn't seem right.
121
00:08:56,851 --> 00:08:58,278
- Yes.
- Why would you say that?
122
00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:07,693
No lie.
123
00:09:14,013 --> 00:09:15,013
Okay, okay.
124
00:09:19,437 --> 00:09:23,362
American sweetheart Brittany Spears-u.
125
00:09:24,028 --> 00:09:27,031
Or American Big Mac cheeseburger.
126
00:09:30,620 --> 00:09:32,208
Ooh.
127
00:09:32,243 --> 00:09:35,004
Yeah. Americans eat more
than fish and rice. Cool.
128
00:09:36,557 --> 00:09:37,869
Britney Spears.
129
00:09:45,221 --> 00:09:46,834
- Me?
- Yes.
130
00:09:47,430 --> 00:09:50,571
Oh, uh, I don't... I don't...
I don't... what is...
131
00:09:50,606 --> 00:09:52,470
Pick a name for the dog.
132
00:09:52,504 --> 00:09:54,299
Bandit. No. I don't like that.
133
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:56,370
I... Spot.
134
00:09:56,405 --> 00:09:58,096
No, hold on.
It's Band... Bandit was better.
135
00:09:58,126 --> 00:09:59,326
I want Bandit. Let's go with Bandit.
136
00:10:02,929 --> 00:10:04,404
Uh-oh.
137
00:10:29,265 --> 00:10:30,872
Did... Did we win?
138
00:10:33,819 --> 00:10:34,839
How much time did we win?
139
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,900
Hold on. So the dog's name
was actually Spot,
140
00:10:42,934 --> 00:10:44,660
which means she lies.
141
00:10:44,694 --> 00:10:45,903
That is a lie.
142
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,349
And also, don't you just have to
answer yes or no on polygraphs?
143
00:10:49,350 --> 00:10:50,716
Isn't that how it works?-
144
00:10:57,397 --> 00:10:58,619
Yes.
145
00:11:00,365 --> 00:11:01,862
She has. Yes, thank you
for bringing that up.
146
00:11:01,863 --> 00:11:04,590
That's why we're here.-
147
00:11:05,923 --> 00:11:07,539
Great. Fantastic.-
148
00:11:08,536 --> 00:11:10,237
Awesome.-
149
00:11:10,272 --> 00:11:11,303
Yeah?
150
00:11:13,565 --> 00:11:14,566
Wait. What?
151
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,148
Uh...
152
00:11:24,182 --> 00:11:26,184
Geez, uh...
153
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:27,442
Wasn't anybody's fault.
154
00:11:39,611 --> 00:11:42,028
How come I can't get an easy one
like name a dog?
155
00:11:50,588 --> 00:11:51,589
No. I... No.
156
00:11:51,623 --> 00:11:53,678
- What are you doing? Answer him.
- I don't want to.
157
00:11:56,456 --> 00:11:58,576
30 seconds? Come on. Let's go.
158
00:11:59,597 --> 00:12:02,186
The price is right. Let's go.
What's the big deal?
159
00:12:02,187 --> 00:12:03,187
Yes.
160
00:12:07,450 --> 00:12:09,003
Okay. Fine.
161
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:10,277
- Fine. It's my fault.
- Yes.
162
00:12:11,236 --> 00:12:13,266
Sure. Yeah.
163
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:16,681
Out of the three of us, yeah. It's me.
164
00:12:26,106 --> 00:12:29,247
He lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Lie! Ooh!
165
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,077
Oh!
166
00:12:31,111 --> 00:12:33,076
I didn't lie. I didn't lie.
167
00:12:36,264 --> 00:12:37,297
Ow!
168
00:12:42,122 --> 00:12:43,675
So hold on. Does that mean...
169
00:12:44,073 --> 00:12:45,643
you think it was my fault?
170
00:12:46,273 --> 00:12:47,367
No.
171
00:12:48,646 --> 00:12:51,994
And I tell you once again...
172
00:12:52,029 --> 00:12:53,168
he lie.
173
00:12:53,202 --> 00:12:55,308
So obviously you think it's my fault.
174
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:57,603
Oh, you don't think
it's his fault, do you?
175
00:12:57,604 --> 00:12:59,072
You're hooked up
to a lie detector right now.
176
00:12:59,073 --> 00:13:01,065
A lie detector needs to have
contact with your skin, okay?
177
00:13:01,066 --> 00:13:02,773
Most of these cords
aren't even plugged in,
178
00:13:02,774 --> 00:13:04,293
and even if they were...
179
00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:06,053
This thing thinks you're 39.
180
00:13:06,088 --> 00:13:09,160
Jared believes
his mother when she say she 39.
181
00:13:09,194 --> 00:13:10,886
Obviously, she's not 39.
182
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,266
Okay. Okay.
183
00:13:12,301 --> 00:13:15,397
So I think there's a lot
of blame to go around.
184
00:13:15,398 --> 00:13:18,307
- But mostly on me.
- I... Maybe.
185
00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:19,768
No. Yes.
186
00:13:19,769 --> 00:13:20,839
I don't know. I don't know.
187
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,243
All I know is that when I went away
188
00:13:23,277 --> 00:13:24,313
on a fishing trip in Alaska...
189
00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:27,109
He caught crabs.
190
00:13:27,143 --> 00:13:28,260
I caught hake. Oh.
191
00:13:28,261 --> 00:13:31,030
Okay? All I know is that
three days later,
192
00:13:31,031 --> 00:13:33,790
after I got back, my daughter was gone.
193
00:13:34,269 --> 00:13:35,799
So you do think it's my fault?
194
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,000
- How is it my fault?
- I don't know.
195
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:38,258
Maybe you not being there for us.
196
00:13:38,292 --> 00:13:40,156
I went away to provide for us.
197
00:13:40,191 --> 00:13:41,571
You abandoned us.
198
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:42,600
For money.
199
00:13:42,662 --> 00:13:45,944
Classic American
capitalist destruction.
200
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:49,140
They will rebound. Maybe!
201
00:13:53,376 --> 00:13:54,861
Whoo!
202
00:14:00,711 --> 00:14:04,284
Hey, hey, hey! Bad mother shrimp chips!
203
00:14:04,318 --> 00:14:06,666
Ooh, yeah! Bad mama!
204
00:14:06,700 --> 00:14:08,599
Ooh, yeah! Bad mama!
205
00:14:08,633 --> 00:14:10,221
Mmm, yummy.
206
00:14:25,052 --> 00:14:26,081
Now...
207
00:14:42,609 --> 00:14:44,211
So I just get my feet bit by fish?
208
00:14:45,774 --> 00:14:47,016
- Sweet.
- Why didn't I get that one?
209
00:14:49,397 --> 00:14:50,652
I haven't chosen anything.
210
00:14:55,266 --> 00:14:57,112
- Enjoy your box.
- Thanks.
211
00:14:59,373 --> 00:15:00,408
Yeah?
212
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:05,772
That's it? Sure.
213
00:15:05,799 --> 00:15:07,669
- Fine. I can sing.
- Yeah.
214
00:15:11,525 --> 00:15:12,625
Of course. Everybody can do that.
215
00:15:12,627 --> 00:15:14,044
Classic American standard.
216
00:15:14,136 --> 00:15:15,586
Of course, but...
217
00:15:21,738 --> 00:15:22,741
What?
218
00:15:22,853 --> 00:15:24,475
I think I lost something
in the translation.
219
00:15:25,779 --> 00:15:27,887
You're talking about a hand job?!-
220
00:15:27,988 --> 00:15:29,714
No. Absolutely not. No.
221
00:15:33,304 --> 00:15:34,679
Yes, I would, but...
222
00:15:34,936 --> 00:15:36,662
not on national television.
223
00:15:41,277 --> 00:15:42,405
- No.
- Nothing to be seen.
224
00:15:42,406 --> 00:15:45,087
I don't care if...
my son is right there.
225
00:15:49,803 --> 00:15:51,218
Nope. Not gonna do it.
226
00:15:51,253 --> 00:15:53,855
Absolutely not. Nope. No.
227
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,344
I know my wife, and she's not
gonna go along with this.
228
00:16:06,406 --> 00:16:08,408
Ha ha, well, joke's on you, pal,
229
00:16:08,442 --> 00:16:10,444
'cause I've trained
for this my whole life.
230
00:16:10,479 --> 00:16:13,462
There is no way I...
Why are you using lube?
231
00:16:24,286 --> 00:16:25,460
Please.
232
00:16:26,391 --> 00:16:28,311
Almost heaven
233
00:16:29,521 --> 00:16:31,183
West Virginia
234
00:16:31,185 --> 00:16:33,981
Blue Ridge Mountains
235
00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:36,850
Shenandoah River
236
00:16:36,885 --> 00:16:38,265
Slow down.
237
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:42,200
Life is old there, older than the trees
238
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:43,616
Baby, seriously.
239
00:16:43,617 --> 00:16:46,101
Younger than the
240
00:16:46,135 --> 00:16:48,103
Blowing like a breeze
241
00:16:48,137 --> 00:16:50,354
Country roads Country roads
242
00:16:50,355 --> 00:16:52,717
Don't use your fingers now
243
00:16:52,718 --> 00:16:54,109
Come on. Come on!
244
00:16:54,143 --> 00:16:55,386
To the place...
245
00:16:55,420 --> 00:16:57,146
Not fingers. What are you doing?!
246
00:16:57,181 --> 00:16:58,769
I belong
247
00:16:58,771 --> 00:16:59,771
Oh, my God. Now?
248
00:17:05,396 --> 00:17:07,018
Take me home
249
00:17:07,053 --> 00:17:08,399
No, no.
250
00:17:08,433 --> 00:17:10,021
Country ro...
251
00:17:11,989 --> 00:17:15,199
Oh me.
252
00:17:15,233 --> 00:17:18,098
Yay!
253
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:19,272
It's everywhere.
254
00:17:21,043 --> 00:17:23,114
Ohh, why would you do that?
255
00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:28,106
Why would you make me do that
on national television?
256
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:34,148
It's not okay.-
257
00:17:34,149 --> 00:17:35,284
So much shame.
258
00:17:36,846 --> 00:17:38,468
Babe, you enjoyed!
259
00:17:44,228 --> 00:17:45,574
Who's in the box?
260
00:17:45,608 --> 00:17:46,817
Who's in the box?
261
00:17:47,956 --> 00:17:48,956
Who's in the box?!
262
00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:21,058
Nate, Nate. What are you doing? Talk!
263
00:18:25,338 --> 00:18:26,960
You have to...
264
00:18:26,995 --> 00:18:29,411
Nate!
265
00:18:33,001 --> 00:18:34,609
Speak!
266
00:18:36,107 --> 00:18:38,780
I... you got...
267
00:18:39,628 --> 00:18:41,388
Aaaaah!
268
00:18:41,423 --> 00:18:43,563
Say things about your daughter!
269
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,164
So Japan is all you remember
from the past year?
270
00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:17,442
21 minutes out of an entire year?
271
00:19:17,477 --> 00:19:19,858
No. I remember
waiting at consulates
272
00:19:19,893 --> 00:19:21,550
and embassies waiting
for phones to ring,
273
00:19:21,584 --> 00:19:23,809
but the game show
really was the highlight.
274
00:19:24,028 --> 00:19:26,215
I can't believe you guys
traveled the world without me.
275
00:19:26,216 --> 00:19:29,212
No, we traveled the world
looking for you, and it sucked.
276
00:19:29,247 --> 00:19:31,560
- I missed you so much.
- I missed you.
277
00:19:31,594 --> 00:19:33,216
You know, you can come back
if you want to.
278
00:19:33,251 --> 00:19:35,253
- Why would I want to do that?
- I don't know.
279
00:19:35,287 --> 00:19:36,916
I just thought that's what
you wanted to hear.
280
00:19:37,039 --> 00:19:38,593
Why don't you come with me?
281
00:19:38,654 --> 00:19:39,734
Where?
282
00:19:39,735 --> 00:19:41,998
I'm going to Russia next week
to live with Pee Paw.
283
00:19:42,204 --> 00:19:43,643
I don't want to live in Russia.
284
00:19:43,744 --> 00:19:46,229
Well, I guess I won't be
seeing you then.
285
00:19:52,096 --> 00:19:53,856
So you're never gonna come back, ever?
286
00:19:53,931 --> 00:19:55,288
Maybe.
287
00:19:55,524 --> 00:19:56,881
Pro... Probably not.
288
00:19:57,244 --> 00:19:58,728
Just funerals.
289
00:20:04,304 --> 00:20:06,064
Guy, rate of play.
290
00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:07,650
Rate of play.
291
00:20:07,704 --> 00:20:09,189
Or let the families play through.
292
00:20:09,222 --> 00:20:11,155
You've been on this hole
for like an hour.
293
00:20:13,426 --> 00:20:16,325
Your whole family?
Assholes. All of them.
294
00:20:17,166 --> 00:20:19,166
Synced and corrected by hawken45
for www.addic7ed.com
19415
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