Original subtitles

JUST FRIENDS

- What is it? - Aren't you forgetting something?

- I never do, Mum. - You do. Mother's Day.

That was invented by Hitler.

- Says who? - Grandma.

Grandma says a lot of things. Will you be on time?

- Dad won't be going anywhere. - I'm picking up Moon. See you in a bit.

I'm picking up Moon. See you in a bit. Okay?

Fucking hell.

Hands off.

Ah, you thought you'd come after all?

Did you ever visit him? With flowers, for his birthday?

Did you? No, you didn't.

- He was your father, you know. - Why 'your'? He was your husband.

He wasn't just mine.

- I paid for ten years. That's enough. - You paid for the grave with his money.

So I'm taking advantage again? And you're not? The Very Hungry Joris.

She is right.

For formality's sake.

0421. That's him.

Mr. Gerlof Wierijn. Right?

- Quite a moment, isn't it? - Jesus... A moment.

Look, I've got exactly the same ones beside my bed.

It's true. Exactly the same. For my delicate skin.

- Never mind. Sarcasm is a cry for help. - What a dreadful clich�.

People often want a keepsake ring later on.

- Ring? - With the ashes.

In the ring?

Children may use their father's ashes in a tattoo.

- Is that possible? - Of course.

Can we go, and I mean right now?

Do you always have to act like a retard?

- We almost forgot the main thing. - I'm not taking that.

Oh, great. You won't take it either, I suppose.

Over my dead body. He's yours now. You two deal with it.

Here you are.

Mum, look. The package is the same as at your liquor store.

I'm going. Kiss.

- You should get a place of your own. - As if she can do without me.

Wait. I haven't checked out yet.

Hey. Stay with me.

Damn. What have you taken?

- Too much GHB, vodka lime, a joint. - Suck it, don't swallow it.

It's okay now Yad, isn't it?

- The prodigal son. - You have my number, don't you?

�clairs?

- You love them, don't you? - Jesus Mum, when I was six.

- Jesus' name... - Should not be taken in vain, I know.

Honey, you're wasting your life.

- You wanted to study Medicine. - That's what you wanted.

- What is this? - Mum, please. Here we go again.

Yes, here we go again.

Ankie, I have to go. Yad just came home.

Temporarily, yes. Okay, bye.

Beat it. This is my room.

- For Mother's Day? - Hands off, it's mine.

- Dad. - Hello, habibi.

- How are you? - I'm fine.

- Is your book finally finished? - Yes. Well, almost.

- This summer. - Right, this summer.

- Hey, room snatcher. - Hey, party animal.

Hey, don't do that.

Give me those.

- Nice, right? - Cool.

Come here.

This is funny.

We're going to do our own laundry, and pay our board, okay?

Hey, Ankie. Do you like �clairs?

- Namaste, brother. - Namaste.

- Can I teach here again? - I'm full up.

I can put you on the list of substitutes.

- Curly... - Thanks, man.

- Hey, Fientje. - Yes, you're back.

- Back to square one, yes. - Amsterdam is so overrated.

- Amsterdam is great. - But you had really lost it.

I was a bit out of it.

Why don't you go surfing?

- I have to find a job. - You can do that tomorrow, Curly.

Welcome home, Dad.

This is nice.

Slow down. That's much better.

Hey, Grandma.

Yes, that's fine. I'll drop by the supermarket.

Yes, I know. They're swindlers.

So it's just cleaning. No nursing, and no groceries.

You know you'll make 14.50 an hour? Before taxes?

Okay, you can get started right away.

If there's a problem, call me immediately. This is my number.

Thank you.

- Do you have more addresses? - Like this one? Yes, five.

- All old sourpusses, right? - If only you knew.

I just got started, you know.

- Where are you from? - Home.

I'll bet you are, wise guy.

- I mean, where were you born? - At my parents'.

Funny guy. You must be Jewish.

Terrible situation in Israel, right? Half the world is on fire.

All those bastards everywhere. People never learn.

- Is that you? - Yes, with Sasha, from next door.

She was my best friend. We used to play together.

Prisoner's base, shops, and so on.

I did the cash register. My dad gave us half-pennies.

The whole family. Taken to the camps in one night.

I can still hear the army vehicles. And those boots.

I never saw her again.

- What did you study? - Medicine.

But I quit. I give surfing lessons now.

- Can I do anything else, Ma'am? - Stop with the Ma'am. Just say Ans.

- Ma'am lives in Soestdijk Palace. - That's been empty a long time.

That must be him. My Monkey.

Your what?

You look like a gorilla. Still taking that powder crap?

That woman on Radar said it gives you cancer. Eat a banana instead.

- You went to those swindlers again. - Hey, Jodocus.

How are you doing now?

Oh, God. Trouble at home again?

- Yes. Well, we've picked up Dad. - God have mercy. The urn?

You should have left him there. Ashes are ashes. Your dad is here.

Yes, but Mum didn't want to pay any more.

- Chocolate milk? - Yes, please.

She's still your mother, and she'll never change.

Not on the inside, anyway.

She had her tits done by that amateur again.

- Is Paula here? - No. I told you, didn't I?

They completely messed up her hip at the hospital.

She's at home, stuck to her crutches and her benefits. I have a new Paula.

So you must be Monkey.

- I'm Yad. - Joris.

- Yad gives surfing lessons. - Yes, I know.

- Yes, you told me, didn't you? - Who, me?

This is his first time here.

Wouldn't you like that? Surfing?

Could you clip my hedge, honey? My gardener has a slipped disc.

My neighbor is moaning. She's driving me bonkers.

Yes, alright.

Sporty grandson you have.

Everyone's messing about on those stupid exercise machines.

Yes, unbelievable.

Too bad.

- It's going well, isn't it? - Oh, I'll buy a new one.

Are you nuts? Just put on a new cord.

Kiss.

- Cool motorbike. - That old thing? It was his dad's.

- He's not comfortable in his skin. - I never noticed.

You never noticed...

- You like that? - That's funny. Never noticed.

Jeanne, be careful your eyes don't pop out.

Never noticed...

FOUND IT

It's only me.

That's very odd, because I'm sure I said I didn't want it. Yes, I'm sure.

We'll talk about this later, okay? I'll call you back. Bye.

I've got a job. Cleaning.

Cleaning. Gee, Yad.

- Social domestic help for the elderly. - You're wasting your life.

- Please, Mum. I'm 26. - No child of mine becomes a cleaner.

- Go to university, like... - Like your sister. I get it.

A cleaner? Seriously?

- Studying? Seriously? - Give it back.

I'm going to take a shower.

I can understand Mum not wanting him.

- I can understand Dad cheating. - She used to be crazy about him.

But she was never enough for him.

- Don't you miss him? - Sometimes.

But he's in here.

You could get a tattoo. From the ashes. Mum doesn't have to know.

I'm going to take surfing lessons.

What did you say? With your sense of balance?

Remember when you lost two teeth roller skating?

Do a fun gay sport. You'll meet people. Purse tossing or something.

Mum doesn't want him at home. Can you keep him in the attic?

- Just for a while. - No.

- These are less scorched. A little. - You're a top chef.

Moon, you were going to quit. You'd promised Bart.

- Moon, really. - Alright.

I think a little stinky needs changing. Are you laughing?

- Thanks, Bart. - Are you going already?

- I had a good time. Bye. - Bye.

- Do you want to pay by card? - Yes, please.

Look at me.

- Is this necessary? - Yes, for your personal pass.

Oh, I'm sorry.

NO CREDIT CARDS

- Who'll be teaching me, by the way? - I will, why?

I'll think about it.

Hey Ans, your Monkey is here.

Hey, Monkey.

What are you listening to?

- What? - What?

- What are you listening to? - Spotify.

- What music? - You wouldn't know it.

Then you don't know me.

Sufjan Stevens. Cool.

That guy is very emo. He really hated his parents.

Duh. That was all over the news. They were scum.

May I?

Bon Iver. Awesome.

Who's this?

- Beautiful. Yes. - Yes.

- I'll follow you. - Follow me?

- Yes. On Spotify. - Right.

- Do you fancy some eel? - No, yuck.

What kind of Dutchman are you?

- No cord after all? - No.

- What does it cost? - Nothing. For your birthday.

Hey, can I get your number?

06-24552961.

06-2455...

Message from Yad Mousa

Hey! Spotify pal!

Hey! Got time tomorrow afternoon?

Forgot your keys again?

Have you got arteriosclerosis? You told me to ring.

Heels off, before you stand on the poor cat with your lethal weapons.

I'm here to discuss your birthday.

That woman on Radar said those things can explode.

That's all fake news.

- God, this awful... - Will you mind my antiques?

That old crap. Get rid of it.

- Come with me to a furniture store. - No way.

I don't want a show room. This is a place for living.

I'll pay. No problem.

Are you staying long? My help is here.

Am I disturbing again? Is Saint Paula here?

Paula, I'll be gone in a minute.

- You have to celebrate your 80th. - I don't have to do anything.

A celebration is not an obligation.

Look, Jamie van Heije in Ouderkerk. He's such a great chef.

Or this one here. Soign�, in Bussum.

They have stars. A special take on French cuisine.

I don't want any of your swanky places with three rows of cutlery.

- Even with 12 Mussolini stars. - Michelin, Mum.

That's right, la-di-da. I'd rather have a croquette.

Did you say croquette?

- Are you taking in refugees now? - Don't be silly, Simone.

- This is my new Paula. - The daughter. Heard a lot about you.

I'm Yad.

Yad is a great guy.

- Don't you read the papers? - He's not a refugee. He's Jewish.

If he's Jewish, I'm Mongolian.

I thought you were Spanish, with your brown skin.

It looks good on you, though.

You did put away all your valuables, didn't you?

Give me the key. I need my key for him.

- Do you? - Yes.

Who'll pick you up, if you have a stroke in the shower?

A heart attack in bed? Or sciatica?

- Will he? - I don't give a toss. We all have to die.

Never mind. I have a spare key somewhere.

- Bye, Simone. - Bye, Paula from Faroffistan.

- Fun, isn't it? Daughters. - As if mothers are always so nice.

Still, it's a shame. She used to be a lovely girl with a great sense of humor.

Now she's just a piece of plastic reeking of booze.

You knew, didn't you? Grandma has a new help. A Muslim type.

You can't do this, in these times. But the Home Care people do.

With an old woman like that. It's just wrong.

- Maybe he's very nice to Grandma. - Nice, my arse.

He might rob her blind. But we can't say anything, that would be discrimination.

Everything is discrimination these days. Living off my tax money.

- It's Dad's money. - So what's the difference?

- I'd love to. - Want to ride pillion?

He works, doesn't he?

What's the matter with you? There's something going on.

- I have to take a shower. - Don't mess with your body.

Look who's talking.

- Whose is that? - My mother's.

- Where are we going? - You'll find out.

Don't do that. Put your both hands on the wheel, both hands on the wheel.

So why did you come back?

Amsterdam was too much fun. My studies were too boring.

Too much is never good, your grandma says.

What about you? Are you studying?

No. Not right now.

What does your mother think about that?

My mother?

Do you get along with her?

Meh.

Are you going back to Amsterdam?

No.

Amsterdam is so overrated.

Look. It looks just like a dick.

Jesus. You fag.

- Manke Nelis? - Yes. He had a wooden leg, you know.

I danced to this with Jan, even just before he died.

It's been 15 years.

He was a good man. But he never said anything about my cooking.

I'd say: Jan, do you like it?

Then he'd say: If I didn't like it, I'd have said something. That's what he was like.

Oh God, he's finished.

So I said to that woman at the vet's, I said:

I don't want the animal to suffer. But she shot him full of expensive crap.

Listen, Ans.

- Shall we go to Amsterdam one day? - Who, me? No, at my age...

Oh, that must be him.

in the silence, with no one around you

You call that working?

- I'm a social domestic help for the elderly. - Watch out, you.

He's nice, your new boyfriend.

because crying is best done alone

Bye.

Will you be careful, with those diseases?

That woman on Radar again?

It's only me.

Go on, tell me. Are you in love?

You can't be serious.

He's a bit common.

- Why? - Just look at him.

- You can't do this, Yad. - He's not so bad, is he?

What will Mum say? 'You're not my son any more.'

I'm just teasing you. Mum will accept him.

Her? Never. She hated Leo, she broke that up as well.

Just send him a heart. He's super cute.

Except for the stupid clothes.

A heart. Now.

This was my dad's last building project.

Beautiful.

He never finished it. He had a heart attack.

And my mum got a lot of insurance money.

- How old were you when he died? - Eleven and a half.

Do you miss him?

I heard you wanted to sign up for surfing lessons.

That's right.

- To really surf, or to be with me? - No, I think it'll be fun.

It's not that hard, is it?

It's going well.

- I can't do this. - Never give up, your gran says. I'll help.

Don't be so angry.

You'll be fine.

Stand up, I'll keep it steady. Find your balance.

Okay. Find your balance.

Okay. Steady yourself.

Grab it, and stand easy.

Steady, steady, use your weight. I'll hold on to you.

Not from your back. From your knees. Alright?

Push your buttocks forward, from here. Can you feel it?

Yes, I feel it now.

Back hand. Pull it, until the sail is tight. We're going to tack.

What is that?

There is no right and left on the water. Only the sail and the wind.

- Good. Very good. - A real talent, isn't he?

What do I do with him?

Your mother will be wondering too.

- He's so sweet. - So am I.

And cute. And fucking hot.

- You don't have a dick, Fientje. - Oh fuck, is that it?

- That's right, fuck. - I was wondering what I missed.

- I can take over some lessons. - Great.

- You like teaching, don't you? - If I could, I'd take over the place.

You have to tack now.

There is no right and left on the water. Only the sail and the wind.

It wasn't like that at all.

Do you think I'm stupid?

We've known each other for a while. Maybe I can buy you to something.

Like, dinner. If you'd like that.

Yes, I'd like that.

Do you know The American Diner?

Okay. But all the way, then.

- What a strange outfit. - I have a date.

Don't be stupid. Are you stoned or something?

- Are you sober or something? - I'm sorry. Mum says sorry.

I'm going to my boyfriend. We don't care what you think.

But I just got food from the caterer. Darling?

Small children grow up, Mummy.

Yad, I have an appointment with the deputy mayor.

Which one shall I wear? This one or this one? What's in good taste?

You usually hate my taste.

A job, dirty. Boyfriends, beneath me.

Well, Leo was no good.

So this one will be no good either?

- Oh, is that him? - I'm sorry?

I've known for ages. I'm no fool.

So?

- What? - What do you think?

- You want my opinion? - Yes, please.

I wouldn't do it.

Wear your slip, Mum. You'll get a bigger subsidy.

Hey. You know how long this took me?

Handsome man.

Difficult man. Better be careful.

Hey, guys. Over there.

- Look. Those are faggots. - Faggots, faggots...

Allah, twinkle, twinkle...

They're dirty, filthy faggots, aren't they?

Faggot.

They don't like pussies, do they?

Leave it, Joris.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

Faggot.

That thing on your shirt. What does it say?

Yes, coq. Do you know what that means, girls? Coq?

Coq means dick, ladies. You're in the wrong place.

He just needs a prick in there.

- He needs a prick in there. - Piss off. Leave me alone.

- Yad, wait. - Was that necessary?

- What's wrong with you? - Me? It's them.

What do you care about them?

You have to hit out right away, or they'll get you.

Wouldn't you do the same?

What do you think? What you're doing is so stupid.

- How was it? - Fun.

I can hear that.

Ha, ha! It was great fun.

- Keep it in style, okay? - See you soon.

Are we still seeing each other tomorrow?

- We used to go flying kites. - Flying kites? In Israel?

- Syria. - I thought you were from Israel.

- No, Syria. - I don't care where you're from.

That sounds stupid.

Do you care where I'm from? That's what I mean.

- What does your mother think of me? - My mother?

As if I care.

- Well? - I didn't ask.

It's about what we want. Fuck her, she's mental.

But why?

- It has nothing to do with you. - So I should be relieved now?

You're cute, hot and sweet. But I just got back, I'm not sure if I want to stay.

Maybe I'll leave again.

Look at us. This isn't going to work.

I'm getting out, man.

We can be just friends.

Just friends? What does that mean, just friends?

Are you walking, or something?

- In Maastricht. - A show room?

- A show room for what? - Bathrooms.

So you're leaving me alone again. Maastricht. I'll be damned.

Well Dad, here we are.

Can you help me? I was looking for activities for the children.

At the asylum seekers' centre, you know?

What if you gave them surfing lessons? Water, not too difficult.

- Good idea. Making my hobby useful. - Exactly. That's what I mean.

Useful for the children, I mean. Because there's water everywhere.

Imagine surviving the horrible boat trip and drowning here.

You know what? Just keep smoking weed all day.

You blew your studies. Good work.

- Don't forget my dreadful boyfriends. - Don't get me started on your boyfriends.

- Where are you going? - To have a smoke.

Maryam, take it easy.

Mama is just overly concerned. About you.

More than about Lely.

She'll be okay, Mama says. But society is much harder on you.

- Concerned? - Yes.

Be nicer to each other, or I'll write terrible things about you.

Really terrible things.

I didn't have any tissues. Here.

What is this sentimental nonsense?

Joris, I'm going to Dr. Sevasani. In Belgium, you know?

So l might be a while.

The new Paula.

- Does Yad think I'm dumb? - That's an interesting question, Joris.

You're a good boy. Yes, you are. You're Mother's sweet boy.

- I'm not going to that fraud again. - I told you, he's a major blungler.

Bungler.

- Have you been drinking, or something? - Yes, I've been drinking alright.

- You as well? - I wish I had.

- Did you break up? - What do you mean, break up?

Come to your mother for a minute. Come on, honey.

It's better this way. You were too different.

Different?

Too different? Just like you and Dad, I guess?

Your underpants are inside out.

You've got Dad's buttocks.

Stay in the middle of the board, and not too far forwards. Why?

Otherwise your arse will get wet. So why not? Otherwise...

- Your arse will get wet. - Very good. Thanks.

Okay, take your paddles. Make sure your right arm is up here.

At shoulder level. Your left arm at hip level.

Not like this, like this. Otherwise...

- Your arse will get wet. - Very good. He gets it.

- I don't think I like this any more. - Yad, have you got a minute?

Keep going. Very good. I'll be right there.

I think you'd better go home, okay?

Yes, let's continue. Grab your paddle. Very good.

Stand on the board.

That's a great video.

Wait.

Just one, you know.

It's been a long time. The last time was with your dad.

My, this stuff is strong nowadays.

Hey, Grandma.

- Yes. I'm on my way. - What?

- Jodocus is done for. - Oh dear.

Yad was with me this morning. Not comfortable in his skin.

Yes, so?

- Hon, you get fights in the best marriages. - I'm not married to him, you know.

We didn't click at all. And he doesn't even fancy me, so...

The poor animal is exhausted. A blind man could 'see that.

- Do you have any special wishes? - I want people to be nicer to each other.

Burial or cremation, I mean. You can choose a group cremation.

- Or by himself. You'd get an urn. - No, no urn.

- Dead is dead, gone is gone. - You want to leave him here?

You've had a pretty good life with me, haven't you, old buddy?

Don't you want a new one?

And then? You don't get new pets at my age.

Come on. Let's have a drink, old buddy.

Cheers.

Grandma?

Was Mum ever crazy about Dad?

Half of Almere was crazy about him. That's what made her so jealous.

Especially of Belinda, with her big boobs.

- That's when she had things done too. - But was she crazy about him?

Completely meshuggah. Absolutely crazy about him.

Let me tell you this, my boy. Love can't be controlled. It controls you.

I'll put that on a tile for you. For your birthday.

Just go to him. Look him in the eyes, instead of using those gadgets.

- He never wants to see me again. - That's not the impression I got.

Never say never, my boy.

- I'd rather drink port. - You're just like your mother.

Do you have any pictures of Dad and me?

No, sorry. I don't have anything.

That's for me.

It's Ankie. Or Fleur.

- I have to talk to Yad. - Oh yes? What about?

He's not here.

He's gone for a walk. To go surfing. So...

So you don't like me?

You don't even know me.

Don't ever do that again. It's so cowardly.

Jesus, what a load of crap.

Taste is something you can learn, Mum.

Is this a carpet from the abattoir? What a bloodbath.

What happened to Gerlof's things? The boy was asking about them.

Don't meddle in my parenting.

As long as you go on like this, I'll have to.

The kid's yearning for some motherly love.

Motherly love? Seriously, Mum? Wait a minute.

Where were you at the time? When Gerlof and Belinda were...

- Well? - Your father had...

Not that again. He'd just died? He'd been dead for two years.

Your daughter was a mess, and you weren't there. Motherly love, my arse.

You can't smoke in here.

This isn't smoking. This is fake, like all this crap here.

See? Don't just take my word for it.

The key to the storage space.

It's nothing much. All old junk.

- Old junk? - Yes. Stuff.

Rubbish. LPs that belonged to your dad.

Have you been lying to me all this years?

- All these years you said it was gone. - I kept it all for you, didn't I?

- I can never do right. - Never say never.

Is he home?

Don't you dare. I'll just grab it.

Now it's your turn.

X-rated, X-rated. Here we go.

Nice buttocks.

- How did you... - Your mother.

This is my father.

Great, isn't it?

Come here.

- Sorry. You go. - No, you go.

I'm sorry.

Are you going steady now, or what?

Memories. In 1943 I used to walk here as well, with my friend Sasha.

Suddenly eight Krauts were standing on the bridge. I was terrified.

One of the soldiers gave me a piece of chocolate.

I should have slapped it from his paws, but I was afraid.

So I walked on, with my chocolate, to Kerkstraat.

On Kerkstraat, I finally dared to look. It had completely melted. Nerves.

I licked it up anyway.

Come on, it's my birthday. My birthday.

The whole world is a mess, but we have to keep laughing.

- That's right. - Isn't it?

What on earth...

No... Will you look at that. Moon, my girl...

Congratulations, Grandma.

- For you. - What a big bouquet.

- I'm not dead yet. - 80 is a big deal.

- How about a croquette? - Lovely, what a surprise.

long may she live, long may she live

long may she live in glory

I'm getting sentimental in my old age.

- All the best, Mum. - Honey...

What a surprise, isn't it?

Oh, my dear boy.

Honey, you have to blow, you know.

This is nice, isn't it?

That boy is worth his weight in gold.

Is he? Then I'm going to sell him right away.

Give us another plate of croquettes. Screw poverty.

Another present? Really? How nice.

- It's a tile. - Is it a tile, my boy?

I can't wait.

Love can't be controlled. It controls you.

And that's the truth. Nice, isn't it?

- Take it easy. - Just kidding.

Hey, old man. Here we go.

Mum. Your last respects.

He doesn't want to come out.

- Dad's become a lump of rock. - What a rascal, isn't he?

Go and help her.

Here. Let me do it.

- You're more and more like your dad. - And you like your mum.

Honey, don't get me wrong.

But someone told me electric cigarettes can give you cancer.

- I don't remember who it was. - That woman on Radar.

No, it was the woman on Cash. I'm not completely meshuggah.

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