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This programme contains some strong language
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SHE LAUGHS
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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys!
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# She's Mrs Brown
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# That's Mrs Brown
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# Our Mrs Brown. #
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Hello!
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And a very happy Christmas to you.
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Or, if you're Jewish, happy Hanukkah.
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Or if you're a member of a cult...
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..the end is nigh!
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Oh, look, do you like my tree this year?
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-
AUDIENCE:
- Whoo!
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I know it looks odd - Buster got it in a closing-down sale.
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It's electric, look.
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MOTOR WHIRS
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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MOTOR POWERS DOWN
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It's what I dreamed of for Christmas -
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a nice tree with swinging balls.
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Oh, look at this now, a dirty nappy. Ugh.
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You just missed Maria -
she was here with the babies.
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She dropped in.
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HE SNIFFS
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Urgh!
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I smell shit!
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Yes, you do.
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Well...
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I mean it, Grandad.
30
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You smell like something that
lives in a pigsty.
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And you're like something that
fell off the Welsh flag!
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- AUDIENCE:
- Ooh!
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SHE SIGHS He won't wash himself.
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Safest place to hide something
from him is under the soap.
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I've cleaned the house four times today already.
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I'm trying to keep busy, keep my mind off Rory.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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- Hi, Agnes.
- Tea, Winnie?
- Oh, yes, please.
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Any news from the hospital?
40
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No, and it's been four hours.
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I think Rory is mad.
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I mean, he's a fine-looking fella.
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He wasn't happy with the Botox.
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Yeah, but plastic surgery, Agnes
- that's going too far.
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- I hope it's not too radical.
- Oh...
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- Morning!
- Good morning, Cathy.
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Any news? Rory should be well out of
surgery by now.
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Nothing yet.
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What's that banging?!
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There's no banging! Go back to sleep!
51
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Oh...
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What's wrong with Grandad?
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Dermot and Maria took him to a movie last night,
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some feckin' horror thing. Now he thinks the house is haunted
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by something that died and won't cross over.
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You're looking in the buckin' mirror!
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Ner...
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- Hey, Granny.
- Hello, Bono.
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Look at you, a little fairy.
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- I'm an elf.
- Oh, excuse me.
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Well, Mammy? Any news from the hospital yet?
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Nothing yet, and I'm worried.
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There's nothing to be worried about, Mammy.
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Plastic surgery is nothing nowadays.
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- I know someone who died of...
- MUFFLED:
- ..that.
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Buster!
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- Do you want a cup of tea, love?
- Nah, Mammy.
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Just dropped in to give Grandad his Santa suit. Here, give it to him.
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- Our Santa's Grotto opens tomorrow.
- Oh.
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I'm on my way down to record a radio ad for it.
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Radio ad? Ah, you're getting very professional.
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- Are you doing it yourself?
- Yep.
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Well, what does the ad say?
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Drop into Finglas's own wonderland.
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See flying fairies and holly berries. Fairy dust!
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- Mirth is a must...
- Hold, hold it, hold it.
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No, no, son. I'm not feeling it.
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You need to do the actions, you know?
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You know, you can't just do that.
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- It's on the radio!
- HE LAUGHS
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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Drop into Finglas's own wonderland!
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See flying fairies and holly berries.
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Fairy dust! Mirth is a must!
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Come be jolly among the holly.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Where's Bono?!
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Bono? He's here, Betty.
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Dermot Brown, have you gone mad?
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Taking him out of school to work in your grotto?
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Whoa-whoa! Relax, Betty - I was home-schooling him.
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Forget it!
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Bono, go out to the car.
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Oh...
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- AUDIENCE:
- Aww.
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Any news on Rory yet?
97
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No, and the audience thinks you're a bitch.
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LAUGHTER
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Fine. See yous later.
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Now we've no elf!
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He's just gone with the ice queen.
102
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I'd better go. We'll think of something, Buster.
103
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- My God, she can blow in and blow out.
- Hi!
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Oh, Dino. Hello, son.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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Well, he's out of surgery
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and the doctors said everything went very well.
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Oh, mother of God, thank God.
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Now, he said he did have to push the cheekbones...
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..higher than expected...
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- MUTTERING: Higher than...?
- Mm-hm.
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- ..adjust the ears a bit...
- What?!
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- NASALLY:
- ..flatten the nose...
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NASALLY: Flatten the nose? Eh?
115
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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..and plump up the chin.
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- Plump up the chin?
- Oh!
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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But, other than that, he expects a full recovery.
120
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- Oh, thank God.
- Mm.
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Rory will be out and home tonight.
122
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CHEERING
123
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Home?
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Dino, why don't you bring Rory back here to stay for a few days?
125
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You know, I can keep an eye on him while you're at work.
126
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- Just till he gets better.
- That's a good idea, Mrs Brown.
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I think it is, yes.
128
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Right, I'm going back to the hospital.
129
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Rory's on a liquid diet for the next 24 hours,
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and he's dying for a grande salted-caramel mocha frappuccino with a shot.
131
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A coffee.
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- Well, buckin' say "coffee"!
- Oh!
133
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Here, I'll go back with you, Dino -
134
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I can drop in and see Rory on my way to work.
135
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Oh, Cathy, how did your computer date go last night?
136
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- It's tonight!
- Oh.
137
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- I hope he's as handsome as his profile picture.
- Ooh!
138
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- Here's Jake.
- Oh, Jake?
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He is handsome.
140
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- My God, Cathy, you could be on to a winner there.
- Maybe.
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THEY GIGGLE
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Oh, he's a looker all right, isn't he?
143
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Yeah, she's a looker, but, knowing her luck,
144
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Jake'll turn out to be a buckin' serial killer.
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- Or worse!
- Yeah, married.
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We'll see.
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Tea!
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I'm getting it.
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Love is blind.
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Well, nothing like marriage to straighten out your eyesight.
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Well, as they say...
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SHE SIGHS
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- LAUGHING:
- What do they say?
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
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They say... SHE WHISPERS
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Yes!
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Just relax, relax.
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We can get someone else.
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Yeah, knowing her luck, Jake will turn out to be a serial killer.
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Or worse!
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Yeah, married.
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You know what they say,
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just because a horse looks good doesn't make him a banjo player.
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No, Winnie! Nobody says that!
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- Do they not?
- No!
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- Here you go, Grandad.
- Ah.
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- God, that's an odd-looking tree.
- Yes.
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Buster got it for me in a closing-down sale.
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Er, what was closing down?
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- He didn't say.
- Oh.
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Here.
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MOTOR WHIRS
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Oh!
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Very nice!
175
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Get a selfie! Get a selfie!
176
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MOTOR POWERS DOWN
177
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What will they think of next?
178
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What's the coin slot for?
179
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I don't know, but Buster said, "Never put coins in the slot."
180
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DOORBELL RINGS
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I'll get that.
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Hello, Mrs Brown.
183
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
184
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WOLF WHISTLING
185
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Hello, Father.
186
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Come in, Father. Come in.
187
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CHEERING
188
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,680
Winnie, what are you doing?
189
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Looking for coins.
190
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,520
Ah, you have to put the coins in to see what happens.
191
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,080
Winnie, stop it. I know it's tempting,
192
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but Buster said don't, so no.
193
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Is he here for the exorcism?
194
00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,800
No, he's here to rehearse your funeral.
195
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Oh!
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Pay no attention to him. What can I do for you, Father?
197
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I just popped in to see what time Trevor's flight gets in.
198
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- I was going to pick him up at the airport.
- Six o'clock.
199
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,320
You're not going to go like that, are you?
200
00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,120
Oh, gosh, no. I'm just on my way back from the gym.
201
00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,560
Dropped in, you know?
202
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:14,280
- Working out then, Father?
- Oh, yes.
203
00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,840
Look at those abs.
204
00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,040
CHEERING
205
00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,000
Seriously, Mrs Brown...
206
00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,560
..here, hit me.
207
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,840
- Oh, no, Father.
- Go on!
208
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,720
You don't want to do that, Father. No, no.
209
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:32,080
- No, no, go on!
- Father, you don't want to do that, really. No, no.
210
00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,840
GO ON! HIT ME!
211
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,040
APPLAUSE
212
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,360
Right. Six o'clock it is, then.
213
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Six o'clock it is.
214
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,120
- Hey, Winnie.
- What are you doing, Agnes? Making soup?
215
00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,120
No, Winnie, I'm mixing cement for Donald Trump's wall.
216
00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:02,920
APPLAUSE
217
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,920
Well, you're great at that "DYI" stuff.
218
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,640
Look whose home?
219
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,480
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
220
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,440
Oh, Rory! You're home!
221
00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,000
Come in and I'll get you lying down comfortable, son.
222
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,920
Oh, God love you, poor Rory.
223
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,480
- Now, son, let your head down there.
- There we are, Rory.
224
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,680
I have this, son!
225
00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:28,760
- Now...
- There we go.
226
00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:29,840
I have it!
227
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,320
Right, then. I'll pop back to our place and get some clothes for Rory.
228
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,760
- You do that.
- I'll not be long.
- Oh, take your time.
229
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,440
Do you want your Yin-Yang cream?
230
00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,440
He has cream for his "Yin-Yang"?
231
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,080
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
232
00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,640
It's a conditioner.
233
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,720
He puts conditioner on his "Yin-Yang"?!
234
00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,240
Shut up, Winnie!
235
00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,880
Rory, love, I'm making you some soup.
236
00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,880
Dino said you were on a liquid diet for 24 hours.
237
00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,240
I'll just get you some. Winnie, come on.
238
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,320
HE GROANS
239
00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,680
HE YAWNS
240
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,840
HIS GROANING INTENSIFIES
241
00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,000
- HE FARTS
- OH!
242
00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,640
Mummy! Mummy!
243
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,400
I'm not your feckin' mummy!
244
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,680
HE WHIMPERS
245
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,640
- Winnie, keep an eye on Rory.
- Right.
246
00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,560
- LOUDLY AND CLEARLY:
- How...are...you...feeling...son?
247
00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,160
Win...nie!
248
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,880
He...had...plastic...surgery!
249
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,360
He didn't turn Chinese.
250
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,720
DOORBELL RINGS
251
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Winnie, here, take that.
252
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,160
All right.
253
00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,240
Feckin' kids!
254
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,920
Was that for me? Is it Jake?
255
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,600
No, it's nobody!
256
00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,760
WINNIE SIGHS
257
00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,840
I don't think he likes it, Agnes.
258
00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,000
Winnie, that's his eye.
259
00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,800
I'm sorry, son!
260
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,600
Rory, I'll get you some water.
261
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,720
DOORBELL
262
00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,880
- Winnie, get that door, will you, please?
- Right.
263
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,600
Feck's sake.
264
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,120
It's Cathy's date, Jake.
265
00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,920
Well, bring him in and sit him down, for God's sake.
266
00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,680
Right.
267
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,160
Move the camera back.
268
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,400
SHE SIGHS
269
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,440
Right, I'm off.
270
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,040
See you, Winnie, bye.
271
00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,640
Huh!
272
00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,720
DOOR SLAMS
273
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,480
Hello, Jake. I'm Cathy's mother, Agnes.
274
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,320
Pleased to meet you, Mrs Brown.
275
00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,600
Pleased to meet you, son.
276
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,040
I'll just tell her you're here.
277
00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,240
CATHY!
278
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,400
JAKE IS HERE!
279
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,800
Would you like a cup of tea, Jake?
280
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,680
Yeah, yeah, thanks very much.
281
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,920
Cathy is so excited about the date.
282
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,240
So am I.
283
00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,280
Oh, good.
284
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,640
Now, son, there you go.
285
00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,840
Thank you.
286
00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,000
Er... Sugar?
287
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,280
Oh, I'll get it for you.
288
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,920
No, no, no, I'll get it myself.
289
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,280
Oh, good man.
290
00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:57,000
I'll just go and tell her that you're...you're...
291
00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,960
..that you've arrived.
292
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,760
Cathy, love, you look gorgeous.
293
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,040
Oh, thank you. So, what's he like?
294
00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,640
He...
295
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,480
He, he's very...
296
00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,480
- Handsome?
- He's very handsome.
297
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,200
Does he look like he does in his picture?
298
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,320
Identical to his picture.
299
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,880
Cathy, they're...they're lovely high heels.
300
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,280
Would you not wear flat shoes?
301
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,080
Oh, no, Mammy, I like these.
302
00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,520
Wear flat shoes, please.
303
00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:31,880
CATHY SIGHS
304
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,080
He's not there!
305
00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,480
Oh, he's there, all right.
306
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,920
Cathy, look, please wear the flat shoes.
307
00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,200
- Please.
- I like these, Mammy.
308
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,280
MRS BROWN SIGHS
309
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,720
I think I hear my date!
310
00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,640
Oh, you are beautiful!
311
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,520
And you are...
312
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,560
Jake.
313
00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,720
He is Jake.
314
00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,160
Jake.
315
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,520
Well, I thought a movie and then maybe a drink or two in Foley's
316
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,560
and then let's see what happens, eh?
317
00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,440
L-L-Let's see what happens!
318
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,240
Sure!
319
00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,360
No, hang on.
320
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:28,520
Mammy, you wanted me to do that thing tonight.
321
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,800
No.
322
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,040
Come on, Mammy, remember you said it was important
323
00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,880
that I stayed in tonight for the...thing.
324
00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,240
Oh...
325
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,920
..no.
326
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,680
Fine.
327
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,320
Goodnight, Mammy.
328
00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,680
Goodnight.
329
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
330
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,040
He-he-he-he!
331
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,640
That's nice!
332
00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,680
I couldn't get over the size of him.
333
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,320
Oh, he's a nice man.
334
00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,520
And good goods come in small packages.
335
00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,040
Well, if he was dating my Sharon, I'd be worried for her.
336
00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,200
If he was dating your Sharon, I'd be worried for him.
337
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,240
Jaysus, if Sharon walked down the street with him, people would go,
338
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,800
"Oh, there's Sharon McGoogan...
339
00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,120
"..with her lunch."
340
00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:28,000
So, when the bandages come off, are you going to look like him?
341
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,840
Him?
342
00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,680
What about him?
343
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:38,720
- AUDIENCE:
- Whoo!
344
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,680
Whoo!
345
00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,520
Here, Father Damien, is plastic surgery a sin?
346
00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,240
Er...I don't know.
347
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,240
I know vanity is a sin.
348
00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,920
Here, Trevor, look at those babies!
349
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,320
You done a great job, Marko, the grotto looks brilliant.
350
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,160
No probs, Dermot.
351
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,720
HE CHUCKLES
352
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,680
We still have no elf, though.
353
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,440
It can't be that hard to get someone.
354
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,640
All you need is somebody with pointy ears and an attitude.
355
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,360
You busy, Betty?
356
00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,120
Feck off, you!
357
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,080
Here, did you see the local car wash has closed down?
358
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,280
God, and I thought that place was really busy.
359
00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,480
Apparently somebody stole one of the machine's brushes.
360
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,240
Must have got clean away.
361
00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,840
- Look at them all.
- SHE CHUCKLES
362
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,120
Old enough to drink!
363
00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,600
Jesus, only seems like yesterday they were all babies.
364
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,800
Yeah.
365
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,520
My Sharon has really blossomed.
366
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,560
She'll be having sex soon.
367
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,320
What time is her break?
368
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,640
What can I get you, Cathy?
369
00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,080
A Prosecco, please.
370
00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,720
And what would YOU like?
371
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,320
My date will have...
372
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,680
A pint, please.
373
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,920
Right, a pint.
374
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,520
And a life jacket.
375
00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,800
I'm sorry about that, Jake.
376
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,480
Ah, don't worry, I'm used to it.
377
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,680
Ah, God, look at Cathy, all grown up.
378
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,160
And on a little date.
379
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,240
Yeah...
380
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,880
..very little.
381
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,000
Time flies.
382
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,040
I remember being pregnant, sitting there, holding me bump,
383
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,120
all excited, waiting to see me little girl.
384
00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,160
Well, you didn't know it was going to be a girl.
385
00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,280
I did!
386
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,840
Winnie, there was no scans in our day.
387
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,560
I know! But I knew by the way we... you know.
388
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,680
What?
389
00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,360
Well, at the conception, if he's on top, it's going to be a boy.
390
00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,000
And if you're on top, it's going to be a girl.
391
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,480
Well, in that case, Cathy should be a puppy.
392
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,960
Does it hurt here?
393
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,920
Here?
394
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,120
In here?
395
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,840
Well, as far as I can tell, everything seems to be healed well.
396
00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,160
So what now?
397
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,320
- Now it's time to remove the bandages.
- Oh, Jaysus!
398
00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,280
TENSE DRUMBEAT
399
00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,560
HE GASPS
400
00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,720
Oh! Oh, you're so...beautiful!
401
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,840
Right, I'm off, then.
402
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,200
Is it sore, Rory?
403
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,560
No, it's not too bad.
404
00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,920
Stunning!
405
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,400
Wow.
406
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,520
I'm sorry, but somebody has to say it. I don't see any difference.
407
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,760
Ah, no. There is a bit of change. See around here.
408
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,880
That's just swelling.
409
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:11,920
- It will go down.
- Oh!
410
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,720
I don't see it. Turn around, show Mammy.
411
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,200
Mammy, what do you think?
412
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,840
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
413
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,840
Well, what do you think, Mammy?
414
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,640
Who the fuck are you?
415
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,280
THEY LAUGH AND CHAT
416
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,200
I just told him straight out. I said, "We just don't fit."
417
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,760
But what could you do? I mean, you're so lanky.
418
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,680
Lanky?! It wasn't MY height.
419
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,680
- It was his.
- No, no. I know that. That's what I meant.
420
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,440
How did he take it? Did he go mad?
421
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,280
I was expecting him to be disappointed at least,
422
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,960
but, no, he just smiles and says,
423
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,000
"You don't know what you're missing."
424
00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,040
- Did he storm out?
- No, he said he wanted to finish his pint.
425
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,200
So I said I had to go and just left him there.
426
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,240
DOOR OPENS
427
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,440
Are you right, Grandad?
428
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,440
- The kids are waiting for their Santa. Hiya, Mammy.
- Hello, Dermot.
429
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:21,680
Hello, Dermot.
430
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,240
Dermot, hello.
431
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,840
Hello.
432
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,280
- How are you, Rory?
- Oh, for feck's sake.
433
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,080
- Are you not picking up the boys? - Oh, God, yeah.
434
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,040
And I have a school run to do.
435
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,680
KNOCK ON DOOR
436
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,040
SHE SIGHS
437
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,120
KNOCK ON DOOR
438
00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,240
DOOR OPENS
439
00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,920
For God's sake.
440
00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
441
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,520
- Hello, again, Jake.
- Sorry to bother you, Mrs Brown,
442
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,680
but did I leave my bag here yesterday?
443
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,040
Cathy, the jockey's back.
444
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,360
- I left my bag here yesterday.
- Oh, yeah, I saw it somewhere.
445
00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,640
Hang on.
446
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,720
OK, Mammy. We're heading off with Grandad.
447
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,040
- Everything ready for the grotto?
- Just about.
448
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,800
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
449
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,520
All we need is an elf.
450
00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,560
Don't even fuckin' think about it, pal!
451
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,960
Come on, Buster. Let's go.
452
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,680
Here you go. Did you come all the way back just for this?
453
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,440
- Erm...
- Did you get your bag, Jake?
454
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,840
Yeah.
455
00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,240
- Sharon...
- You don't know what you missed.
456
00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,800
Little jockey, big whip!
457
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,160
Sharon McGoogan, you come back here!
458
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,320
- Stop!
- Argh!
- What are you doing?
459
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,360
Coin slot. I want to see what it does.
460
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,000
You don't put anything in the slot.
461
00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,320
And that's not a metaphor.
462
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,560
Buster said no coins in the slot.
463
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:41,440
- OK.
- Rory, love, why don't you go and lie down?
464
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,040
- I'll head back to work, eh?
- Fine.
- Bye, Mrs Brown.
465
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,080
Bye, Dingo.
466
00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,240
- I'm going to lie down.
- I'll show you where your bed is.
467
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,760
I know where my bedroom is.
468
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,360
- Fine.
- Fine.
469
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,880
WHIRRING
470
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,840
Oh-ho!
471
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,040
HISSING AND GURGLING
472
00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,640
- AUTOMATED VOICE:
- Drive your car forward. Drive your car forward.
473
00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:56,560
Help! Argh! I can't reach me knob!
474
00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,240
Cathy! Aargh!
475
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,160
- AUTOMATED VOICE:
- Stop your vehicle now.
476
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,280
For God's sake!
477
00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:19,640
MAMMY GIBBERS
478
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,840
It's the ghost!
479
00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,440
Grandad!
480
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,000
I usually don't mind change. I take to it well.
481
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,960
I remember when my Redser died. I realised I'd be on my own.
482
00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,080
At the funeral the priest said to me, "This will pass.
483
00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,520
"You'll meet someone else."
484
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,720
I said, "Yes, but what am I going to do tonight?"
485
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,680
I know I should just accept Rory's change and move on.
486
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,400
Rory's always been a bit weird.
487
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,080
There's a weirdo in every family.
488
00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,000
And if you're sitting there at home
489
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,200
thinking, "Not mine," it's probably you.
490
00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,240
- Hi, Mammy.
- Hello, New Rory.
491
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,200
- Are you coming down to Foley's for Christmas drinks?
- You go on.
492
00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,440
- I'll follow you down.
- Are you OK, Mammy?
493
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,280
- No.
- What's wrong?
494
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,400
It's you. You're not yourself.
495
00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:27,840
I miss my Rory.
496
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,080
Look, Mammy. I may have a different face. And a different voice.
497
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,480
And I'm two sizes smaller in my shoes.
498
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,960
But I'm still your Rory.
499
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,880
What was your favourite TV programme when you were a child?
500
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,680
Ah! Blue Peter.
501
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,120
Why were you only ever at the zoo once?
502
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,960
Cos seeing the animals in the cages, they made me cry.
503
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,000
- AUDIENCE:
- Ah!
504
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,560
You could have guessed those feckin' answers.
505
00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,360
Say something.
506
00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,600
Say something that will convince me that the
507
00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,520
Rory I love is in there somewhere.
508
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:07,760
Hm.
509
00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,640
I love you, Mammy.
510
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,400
- AUDIENCE:
- Ah!
511
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,000
I'll see you in Foley's.
512
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,040
APPLAUSE
513
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,360
That's my Rory.
514
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
515
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:38,600
You know, change is a funny thing. Every spring, the clock changes.
516
00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,680
Every autumn, the trees change their leaves.
517
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,920
And every winter, Grandad changes his underwear.
518
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,240
We have a little ceremony to burn the old ones.
519
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,160
I suppose the main thing is that Rory is whomever he wants to be.
520
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,760
And that takes confidence. And confidence is very important.
521
00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:00,840
He gets that from his mother.
522
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,000
I'll see you at Foley's.
523
00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
524
00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:10,920
SONG: Mistletoe And Wine
525
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:15,760
# The child is a king The carollers sing
526
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:20,920
# The old has passed There's a new beginning
527
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,840
# Dreams of Santa Dreams of snow
528
00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,800
# Fingers numb Faces aglow
529
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:36,440
# It's Christmas time Mistletoe and wine
530
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:42,160
# Children singing Christian rhymes
531
00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:48,000
# With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
532
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,560
# A time to rejoice in the good that we see
533
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,760
# A time for giving A time for getting
534
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:03,960
# A time for forgiving and for forgetting
535
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:09,280
# Christmas is love Christmas is peace
536
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:14,840
# A time for hating and fighting to cease
537
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,360
# Christmas time Mistletoe and wine
538
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:24,920
# Children singing Christian rhymes
539
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:30,160
# With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
540
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:34,520
# A time to rejoice in the good that we see
541
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:41,400
# With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree
542
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:47,080
# A time to rejoice in the good that we see. #
543
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,120
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
544
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,800
- Merry Christmas!
- Happy Christmas!
36143
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