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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,040 This programme contains some strong language 2 0 0:00:10,360 --> 00:00:11,600 SHE LAUGHS 3 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,440 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Mrs Brown's Boys! 4 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,400 # She's Mrs Brown 5 00:00:18,400 --> 00:00:21,680 # That's Mrs Brown 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:23,840 # Our Mrs Brown. # 7 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:30,400 Hello! 8 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,240 And a very happy Christmas to you. 9 00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:35,960 Or, if you're Jewish, happy Hanukkah. 10 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:38,920 Or if you're a member of a cult... 11 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:41,080 ..the end is nigh! 12 00:00:43,160 --> 00:00:46,040 Oh, look, do you like my tree this year? 13 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,480 - AUDIENCE: - Whoo! 14 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,920 I know it looks odd - Buster got it in a closing-down sale. 15 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:53,440 It's electric, look. 16 00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:57,200 MOTOR WHIRS 17 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,800 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 18 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,240 MOTOR POWERS DOWN 19 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:05,080 It's what I dreamed of for Christmas - 20 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,120 a nice tree with swinging balls. 21 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,520 Oh, look at this now, a dirty nappy. Ugh. 22 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:15,280 You just missed Maria - she was here with the babies. 23 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:16,600 She dropped in. 24 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,000 HE SNIFFS 25 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,560 Urgh! 26 00:01:21,560 --> 00:01:23,680 I smell shit! 27 00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:24,760 Yes, you do. 28 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,080 Well... 29 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:28,560 I mean it, Grandad. 30 00:01:28,560 --> 00:01:31,240 You smell like something that lives in a pigsty. 31 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,440 And you're like something that fell off the Welsh flag! 32 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,320 - AUDIENCE: - Ooh! 33 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,360 SHE SIGHS He won't wash himself. 34 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,480 Safest place to hide something from him is under the soap. 35 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,680 I've cleaned the house four times today already. 36 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,000 I'm trying to keep busy, keep my mind off Rory. 37 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 38 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:59,400 - Hi, Agnes. - Tea, Winnie? - Oh, yes, please. 39 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:00,880 Any news from the hospital? 40 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,520 No, and it's been four hours. 41 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,160 I think Rory is mad. 42 00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:07,080 I mean, he's a fine-looking fella. 43 00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:09,000 He wasn't happy with the Botox. 44 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,720 Yeah, but plastic surgery, Agnes - that's going too far. 45 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,720 - I hope it's not too radical. - Oh... 46 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,720 - Morning! - Good morning, Cathy. 47 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,960 Any news? Rory should be well out of surgery by now. 48 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:21,040 Nothing yet. 49 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,240 What's that banging?! 50 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,360 There's no banging! Go back to sleep! 51 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:25,640 Oh... 52 00:02:25,640 --> 00:02:26,960 What's wrong with Grandad? 53 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,280 Dermot and Maria took him to a movie last night, 54 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,240 some feckin' horror thing. Now he thinks the house is haunted 55 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,200 by something that died and won't cross over. 56 00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:37,040 You're looking in the buckin' mirror! 57 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:38,240 Ner... 58 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:43,000 - Hey, Granny. - Hello, Bono. 59 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,040 Look at you, a little fairy. 60 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,960 - I'm an elf. - Oh, excuse me. 61 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,600 Well, Mammy? Any news from the hospital yet? 62 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,960 Nothing yet, and I'm worried. 63 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,880 There's nothing to be worried about, Mammy. 64 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,000 Plastic surgery is nothing nowadays. 65 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,480 - I know someone who died of... - MUFFLED: - ..that. 66 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:02,040 Buster! 67 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,120 - Do you want a cup of tea, love? - Nah, Mammy. 68 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:08,200 Just dropped in to give Grandad his Santa suit. Here, give it to him. 69 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,520 - Our Santa's Grotto opens tomorrow. - Oh. 70 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,560 I'm on my way down to record a radio ad for it. 71 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,480 Radio ad? Ah, you're getting very professional. 72 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,560 - Are you doing it yourself? - Yep. 73 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,280 Well, what does the ad say? 74 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,200 Drop into Finglas's own wonderland. 75 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,240 See flying fairies and holly berries. Fairy dust! 76 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,320 - Mirth is a must... - Hold, hold it, hold it. 77 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:31,240 No, no, son. I'm not feeling it. 78 00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:33,320 You need to do the actions, you know? 79 00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:34,680 You know, you can't just do that. 80 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,680 - It's on the radio! - HE LAUGHS 81 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,720 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 82 00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:42,880 Drop into Finglas's own wonderland! 83 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,640 See flying fairies and holly berries. 84 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,800 Fairy dust! Mirth is a must! 85 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,240 Come be jolly among the holly. 86 00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,720 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 87 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,080 Where's Bono?! 88 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,760 Bono? He's here, Betty. 89 00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,720 Dermot Brown, have you gone mad? 90 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,160 Taking him out of school to work in your grotto? 91 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,720 Whoa-whoa! Relax, Betty - I was home-schooling him. 92 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,680 Forget it! 93 00:04:05,680 --> 00:04:07,080 Bono, go out to the car. 94 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:09,920 Oh... 95 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,320 - AUDIENCE: - Aww. 96 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:13,920 Any news on Rory yet? 97 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,320 No, and the audience thinks you're a bitch. 98 00:04:16,320 --> 00:04:18,000 LAUGHTER 99 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,840 Fine. See yous later. 100 00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,240 Now we've no elf! 101 00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,960 He's just gone with the ice queen. 102 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:29,080 I'd better go. We'll think of something, Buster. 103 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,920 - My God, she can blow in and blow out. - Hi! 104 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:34,440 Oh, Dino. Hello, son. 105 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 106 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,680 Well, he's out of surgery 107 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,320 and the doctors said everything went very well. 108 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:44,360 Oh, mother of God, thank God. 109 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:48,520 Now, he said he did have to push the cheekbones... 110 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,040 ..higher than expected... 111 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:52,480 - MUTTERING: Higher than...? - Mm-hm. 112 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,000 - ..adjust the ears a bit... - What?! 113 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,960 - NASALLY: - ..flatten the nose... 114 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,240 NASALLY: Flatten the nose? Eh? 115 00:05:01,240 --> 00:05:03,280 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 116 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:07,040 ..and plump up the chin. 117 00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,360 - Plump up the chin? - Oh! 118 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,400 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 119 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:16,520 But, other than that, he expects a full recovery. 120 00:05:16,520 --> 00:05:18,680 - Oh, thank God. - Mm. 121 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,360 Rory will be out and home tonight. 122 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,080 CHEERING 123 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,560 Home? 124 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,920 Dino, why don't you bring Rory back here to stay for a few days? 125 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,720 You know, I can keep an eye on him while you're at work. 126 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:35,040 - Just till he gets better. - That's a good idea, Mrs Brown. 127 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,920 I think it is, yes. 128 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,480 Right, I'm going back to the hospital. 129 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,560 Rory's on a liquid diet for the next 24 hours, 130 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:47,760 and he's dying for a grande salted-caramel mocha frappuccino with a shot. 131 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,440 A coffee. 132 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,680 - Well, buckin' say "coffee"! - Oh! 133 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,160 Here, I'll go back with you, Dino - 134 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,480 I can drop in and see Rory on my way to work. 135 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:04,880 Oh, Cathy, how did your computer date go last night? 136 00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,680 - It's tonight! - Oh. 137 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,560 - I hope he's as handsome as his profile picture. - Ooh! 138 00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:14,080 - Here's Jake. - Oh, Jake? 139 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,640 He is handsome. 140 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:19,680 - My God, Cathy, you could be on to a winner there. - Maybe. 141 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:20,720 THEY GIGGLE 142 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:25,520 Oh, he's a looker all right, isn't he? 143 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,480 Yeah, she's a looker, but, knowing her luck, 144 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,480 Jake'll turn out to be a buckin' serial killer. 145 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,920 - Or worse! - Yeah, married. 146 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:39,080 We'll see. 147 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:40,480 Tea! 148 00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:41,840 I'm getting it. 149 00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,200 Love is blind. 150 00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,720 Well, nothing like marriage to straighten out your eyesight. 151 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:49,320 Well, as they say... 152 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:50,960 SHE SIGHS 153 00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,640 - LAUGHING: - What do they say? 154 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:55,560 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 155 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:04,080 They say... SHE WHISPERS 156 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:05,120 Yes! 157 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:08,160 Just relax, relax. 158 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:09,480 We can get someone else. 159 00:07:14,120 --> 00:07:17,600 Yeah, knowing her luck, Jake will turn out to be a serial killer. 160 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:18,640 Or worse! 161 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:20,480 Yeah, married. 162 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:21,880 You know what they say, 163 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:25,360 just because a horse looks good doesn't make him a banjo player. 164 00:07:35,480 --> 00:07:37,880 No, Winnie! Nobody says that! 165 00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,320 - Do they not? - No! 166 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,960 - Here you go, Grandad. - Ah. 167 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:45,840 - God, that's an odd-looking tree. - Yes. 168 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:48,640 Buster got it for me in a closing-down sale. 169 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,160 Er, what was closing down? 170 00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,040 - He didn't say. - Oh. 171 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,720 Here. 172 00:07:53,720 --> 00:07:55,040 MOTOR WHIRS 173 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:56,480 Oh! 174 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,520 Very nice! 175 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,080 Get a selfie! Get a selfie! 176 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,760 MOTOR POWERS DOWN 177 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,800 What will they think of next? 178 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,440 What's the coin slot for? 179 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:11,880 I don't know, but Buster said, "Never put coins in the slot." 180 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:13,160 DOORBELL RINGS 181 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:16,000 I'll get that. 182 00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,680 Hello, Mrs Brown. 183 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:22,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 184 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,080 WOLF WHISTLING 185 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:26,360 Hello, Father. 186 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,640 Come in, Father. Come in. 187 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,120 CHEERING 188 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:37,680 Winnie, what are you doing? 189 00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:38,960 Looking for coins. 190 00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,520 Ah, you have to put the coins in to see what happens. 191 00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:44,080 Winnie, stop it. I know it's tempting, 192 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:45,560 but Buster said don't, so no. 193 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,880 Is he here for the exorcism? 194 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,800 No, he's here to rehearse your funeral. 195 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:52,840 Oh! 196 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:56,160 Pay no attention to him. What can I do for you, Father? 197 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,480 I just popped in to see what time Trevor's flight gets in. 198 00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,880 - I was going to pick him up at the airport. - Six o'clock. 199 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,320 You're not going to go like that, are you? 200 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:10,120 Oh, gosh, no. I'm just on my way back from the gym. 201 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:11,560 Dropped in, you know? 202 00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:14,280 - Working out then, Father? - Oh, yes. 203 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:15,840 Look at those abs. 204 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,040 CHEERING 205 00:09:20,600 --> 00:09:22,000 Seriously, Mrs Brown... 206 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,560 ..here, hit me. 207 00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:26,840 - Oh, no, Father. - Go on! 208 00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,720 You don't want to do that, Father. No, no. 209 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:32,080 - No, no, go on! - Father, you don't want to do that, really. No, no. 210 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:33,840 GO ON! HIT ME! 211 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:38,040 APPLAUSE 212 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,360 Right. Six o'clock it is, then. 213 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,160 Six o'clock it is. 214 00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:57,120 - Hey, Winnie. - What are you doing, Agnes? Making soup? 215 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:00,120 No, Winnie, I'm mixing cement for Donald Trump's wall. 216 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:02,920 APPLAUSE 217 00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,920 Well, you're great at that "DYI" stuff. 218 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,640 Look whose home? 219 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,480 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 220 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,440 Oh, Rory! You're home! 221 00:10:17,440 --> 00:10:20,000 Come in and I'll get you lying down comfortable, son. 222 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:21,920 Oh, God love you, poor Rory. 223 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,480 - Now, son, let your head down there. - There we are, Rory. 224 00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:27,680 I have this, son! 225 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:28,760 - Now... - There we go. 226 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:29,840 I have it! 227 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:35,320 Right, then. I'll pop back to our place and get some clothes for Rory. 228 00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:37,760 - You do that. - I'll not be long. - Oh, take your time. 229 00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,440 Do you want your Yin-Yang cream? 230 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:44,440 He has cream for his "Yin-Yang"? 231 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,080 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 232 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:49,640 It's a conditioner. 233 00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:52,720 He puts conditioner on his "Yin-Yang"?! 234 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,240 Shut up, Winnie! 235 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,880 Rory, love, I'm making you some soup. 236 00:10:58,880 --> 00:11:01,880 Dino said you were on a liquid diet for 24 hours. 237 00:11:01,880 --> 00:11:04,240 I'll just get you some. Winnie, come on. 238 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,320 HE GROANS 239 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,680 HE YAWNS 240 00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:17,840 HIS GROANING INTENSIFIES 241 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:22,000 - HE FARTS - OH! 242 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,640 Mummy! Mummy! 243 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:28,400 I'm not your feckin' mummy! 244 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,680 HE WHIMPERS 245 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:32,640 - Winnie, keep an eye on Rory. - Right. 246 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,560 - LOUDLY AND CLEARLY: - How...are...you...feeling...son? 247 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:43,160 Win...nie! 248 00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:46,880 He...had...plastic...surgery! 249 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:48,360 He didn't turn Chinese. 250 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,720 DOORBELL RINGS 251 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:52,000 Winnie, here, take that. 252 00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,160 All right. 253 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:02,240 Feckin' kids! 254 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,920 Was that for me? Is it Jake? 255 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:06,600 No, it's nobody! 256 00:12:07,560 --> 00:12:08,760 WINNIE SIGHS 257 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:10,840 I don't think he likes it, Agnes. 258 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:12,000 Winnie, that's his eye. 259 00:12:14,560 --> 00:12:15,800 I'm sorry, son! 260 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,600 Rory, I'll get you some water. 261 00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:20,720 DOORBELL 262 00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:22,880 - Winnie, get that door, will you, please? - Right. 263 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:31,600 Feck's sake. 264 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,120 It's Cathy's date, Jake. 265 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,920 Well, bring him in and sit him down, for God's sake. 266 00:12:37,920 --> 00:12:39,680 Right. 267 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:44,160 Move the camera back. 268 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,400 SHE SIGHS 269 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,440 Right, I'm off. 270 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,040 See you, Winnie, bye. 271 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:58,640 Huh! 272 00:12:58,640 --> 00:12:59,720 DOOR SLAMS 273 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,480 Hello, Jake. I'm Cathy's mother, Agnes. 274 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,320 Pleased to meet you, Mrs Brown. 275 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:05,600 Pleased to meet you, son. 276 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,040 I'll just tell her you're here. 277 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,240 CATHY! 278 00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:11,400 JAKE IS HERE! 279 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,800 Would you like a cup of tea, Jake? 280 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,680 Yeah, yeah, thanks very much. 281 00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,920 Cathy is so excited about the date. 282 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:21,240 So am I. 283 00:13:21,240 --> 00:13:23,280 Oh, good. 284 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,640 Now, son, there you go. 285 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:25,840 Thank you. 286 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:28,000 Er... Sugar? 287 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,280 Oh, I'll get it for you. 288 00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:30,920 No, no, no, I'll get it myself. 289 00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,280 Oh, good man. 290 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:57,000 I'll just go and tell her that you're...you're... 291 00:13:58,280 --> 00:13:59,960 ..that you've arrived. 292 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,760 Cathy, love, you look gorgeous. 293 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:08,040 Oh, thank you. So, what's he like? 294 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:09,640 He... 295 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,480 He, he's very... 296 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,480 - Handsome? - He's very handsome. 297 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,200 Does he look like he does in his picture? 298 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,320 Identical to his picture. 299 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,880 Cathy, they're...they're lovely high heels. 300 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:27,280 Would you not wear flat shoes? 301 00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,080 Oh, no, Mammy, I like these. 302 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,520 Wear flat shoes, please. 303 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:31,880 CATHY SIGHS 304 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,080 He's not there! 305 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:38,480 Oh, he's there, all right. 306 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,920 Cathy, look, please wear the flat shoes. 307 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,200 - Please. - I like these, Mammy. 308 00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,280 MRS BROWN SIGHS 309 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,720 I think I hear my date! 310 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:00,640 Oh, you are beautiful! 311 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:03,520 And you are... 312 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:04,560 Jake. 313 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:06,720 He is Jake. 314 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,160 Jake. 315 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,520 Well, I thought a movie and then maybe a drink or two in Foley's 316 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,560 and then let's see what happens, eh? 317 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,440 L-L-Let's see what happens! 318 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,240 Sure! 319 00:15:21,520 --> 00:15:23,360 No, hang on. 320 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:28,520 Mammy, you wanted me to do that thing tonight. 321 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,800 No. 322 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:34,040 Come on, Mammy, remember you said it was important 323 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:37,880 that I stayed in tonight for the...thing. 324 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,240 Oh... 325 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:40,920 ..no. 326 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,680 Fine. 327 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,320 Goodnight, Mammy. 328 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:45,680 Goodnight. 329 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:49,400 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 330 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,040 He-he-he-he! 331 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,640 That's nice! 332 00:15:57,320 --> 00:15:59,680 I couldn't get over the size of him. 333 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,320 Oh, he's a nice man. 334 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:03,520 And good goods come in small packages. 335 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,040 Well, if he was dating my Sharon, I'd be worried for her. 336 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,200 If he was dating your Sharon, I'd be worried for him. 337 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:16,240 Jaysus, if Sharon walked down the street with him, people would go, 338 00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,800 "Oh, there's Sharon McGoogan... 339 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:19,120 "..with her lunch." 340 00:16:23,280 --> 00:16:28,000 So, when the bandages come off, are you going to look like him? 341 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,840 Him? 342 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,680 What about him? 343 00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:38,720 - AUDIENCE: - Whoo! 344 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,680 Whoo! 345 00:16:43,680 --> 00:16:46,520 Here, Father Damien, is plastic surgery a sin? 346 00:16:46,520 --> 00:16:48,240 Er...I don't know. 347 00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:50,240 I know vanity is a sin. 348 00:16:50,240 --> 00:16:52,920 Here, Trevor, look at those babies! 349 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:02,320 You done a great job, Marko, the grotto looks brilliant. 350 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,160 No probs, Dermot. 351 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,720 HE CHUCKLES 352 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,680 We still have no elf, though. 353 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,440 It can't be that hard to get someone. 354 00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:13,640 All you need is somebody with pointy ears and an attitude. 355 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,360 You busy, Betty? 356 00:17:15,360 --> 00:17:17,120 Feck off, you! 357 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,080 Here, did you see the local car wash has closed down? 358 00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,280 God, and I thought that place was really busy. 359 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,480 Apparently somebody stole one of the machine's brushes. 360 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:34,240 Must have got clean away. 361 00:17:39,120 --> 00:17:40,840 - Look at them all. - SHE CHUCKLES 362 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,120 Old enough to drink! 363 00:17:42,120 --> 00:17:45,600 Jesus, only seems like yesterday they were all babies. 364 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,800 Yeah. 365 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,520 My Sharon has really blossomed. 366 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,560 She'll be having sex soon. 367 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:58,320 What time is her break? 368 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:03,640 What can I get you, Cathy? 369 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:05,080 A Prosecco, please. 370 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:06,720 And what would YOU like? 371 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,320 My date will have... 372 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:13,680 A pint, please. 373 00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:14,920 Right, a pint. 374 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,520 And a life jacket. 375 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:20,800 I'm sorry about that, Jake. 376 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,480 Ah, don't worry, I'm used to it. 377 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,680 Ah, God, look at Cathy, all grown up. 378 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,160 And on a little date. 379 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:28,240 Yeah... 380 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,880 ..very little. 381 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,000 Time flies. 382 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:40,040 I remember being pregnant, sitting there, holding me bump, 383 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,120 all excited, waiting to see me little girl. 384 00:18:43,120 --> 00:18:45,160 Well, you didn't know it was going to be a girl. 385 00:18:45,160 --> 00:18:46,280 I did! 386 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,840 Winnie, there was no scans in our day. 387 00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,560 I know! But I knew by the way we... you know. 388 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,680 What? 389 00:18:55,680 --> 00:19:00,360 Well, at the conception, if he's on top, it's going to be a boy. 390 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,000 And if you're on top, it's going to be a girl. 391 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,480 Well, in that case, Cathy should be a puppy. 392 00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:17,960 Does it hurt here? 393 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,920 Here? 394 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,120 In here? 395 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:26,840 Well, as far as I can tell, everything seems to be healed well. 396 00:19:26,840 --> 00:19:28,160 So what now? 397 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,320 - Now it's time to remove the bandages. - Oh, Jaysus! 398 00:19:31,320 --> 00:19:34,280 TENSE DRUMBEAT 399 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:43,560 HE GASPS 400 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:47,720 Oh! Oh, you're so...beautiful! 401 00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:50,840 Right, I'm off, then. 402 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:55,200 Is it sore, Rory? 403 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,560 No, it's not too bad. 404 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:57,920 Stunning! 405 00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,400 Wow. 406 00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:04,520 I'm sorry, but somebody has to say it. I don't see any difference. 407 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,760 Ah, no. There is a bit of change. See around here. 408 00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:10,880 That's just swelling. 409 00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:11,920 - It will go down. - Oh! 410 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,720 I don't see it. Turn around, show Mammy. 411 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:21,200 Mammy, what do you think? 412 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:24,840 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 413 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,840 Well, what do you think, Mammy? 414 00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:35,640 Who the fuck are you? 415 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,280 THEY LAUGH AND CHAT 416 00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,200 I just told him straight out. I said, "We just don't fit." 417 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,760 But what could you do? I mean, you're so lanky. 418 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:52,680 Lanky?! It wasn't MY height. 419 00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,680 - It was his. - No, no. I know that. That's what I meant. 420 00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,440 How did he take it? Did he go mad? 421 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:02,280 I was expecting him to be disappointed at least, 422 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:03,960 but, no, he just smiles and says, 423 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:06,000 "You don't know what you're missing." 424 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:11,040 - Did he storm out? - No, he said he wanted to finish his pint. 425 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,200 So I said I had to go and just left him there. 426 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,240 DOOR OPENS 427 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,440 Are you right, Grandad? 428 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:20,440 - The kids are waiting for their Santa. Hiya, Mammy. - Hello, Dermot. 429 00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:21,680 Hello, Dermot. 430 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:23,240 Dermot, hello. 431 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:27,840 Hello. 432 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:30,280 - How are you, Rory? - Oh, for feck's sake. 433 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:35,080 - Are you not picking up the boys? - Oh, God, yeah. 434 00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,040 And I have a school run to do. 435 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:39,680 KNOCK ON DOOR 436 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,040 SHE SIGHS 437 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,120 KNOCK ON DOOR 438 00:21:53,120 --> 00:21:54,240 DOOR OPENS 439 00:21:54,240 --> 00:21:55,920 For God's sake. 440 00:21:57,560 --> 00:21:58,880 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 441 00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:04,520 - Hello, again, Jake. - Sorry to bother you, Mrs Brown, 442 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,680 but did I leave my bag here yesterday? 443 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:08,040 Cathy, the jockey's back. 444 00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,360 - I left my bag here yesterday. - Oh, yeah, I saw it somewhere. 445 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:15,640 Hang on. 446 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,720 OK, Mammy. We're heading off with Grandad. 447 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,040 - Everything ready for the grotto? - Just about. 448 00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,800 LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE 449 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:38,520 All we need is an elf. 450 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:47,560 Don't even fuckin' think about it, pal! 451 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,960 Come on, Buster. Let's go. 452 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,680 Here you go. Did you come all the way back just for this? 453 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,440 - Erm... - Did you get your bag, Jake? 454 00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,840 Yeah. 455 00:23:07,120 --> 00:23:09,240 - Sharon... - You don't know what you missed. 456 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:13,800 Little jockey, big whip! 457 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,160 Sharon McGoogan, you come back here! 458 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:24,320 - Stop! - Argh! - What are you doing? 459 00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:26,360 Coin slot. I want to see what it does. 460 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,000 You don't put anything in the slot. 461 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,320 And that's not a metaphor. 462 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,560 Buster said no coins in the slot. 463 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:41,440 - OK. - Rory, love, why don't you go and lie down? 464 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:45,040 - I'll head back to work, eh? - Fine. - Bye, Mrs Brown. 465 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,080 Bye, Dingo. 466 00:23:51,960 --> 00:23:55,240 - I'm going to lie down. - I'll show you where your bed is. 467 00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,760 I know where my bedroom is. 468 00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:00,360 - Fine. - Fine. 469 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:28,880 WHIRRING 470 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,840 Oh-ho! 471 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,040 HISSING AND GURGLING 472 00:24:42,760 --> 00:24:46,640 - AUTOMATED VOICE: - Drive your car forward. Drive your car forward. 473 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:56,560 Help! Argh! I can't reach me knob! 474 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:03,240 Cathy! Aargh! 475 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,160 - AUTOMATED VOICE: - Stop your vehicle now. 476 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,280 For God's sake! 477 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:19,640 MAMMY GIBBERS 478 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:20,840 It's the ghost! 479 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:25,440 Grandad! 480 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,000 I usually don't mind change. I take to it well. 481 00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,960 I remember when my Redser died. I realised I'd be on my own. 482 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:42,080 At the funeral the priest said to me, "This will pass. 483 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:43,520 "You'll meet someone else." 484 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:45,720 I said, "Yes, but what am I going to do tonight?" 485 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,680 I know I should just accept Rory's change and move on. 486 00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:56,400 Rory's always been a bit weird. 487 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,080 There's a weirdo in every family. 488 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:03,000 And if you're sitting there at home 489 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:05,200 thinking, "Not mine," it's probably you. 490 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:14,240 - Hi, Mammy. - Hello, New Rory. 491 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,200 - Are you coming down to Foley's for Christmas drinks? - You go on. 492 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:19,440 - I'll follow you down. - Are you OK, Mammy? 493 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,280 - No. - What's wrong? 494 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,400 It's you. You're not yourself. 495 00:26:26,400 --> 00:26:27,840 I miss my Rory. 496 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,080 Look, Mammy. I may have a different face. And a different voice. 497 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:37,480 And I'm two sizes smaller in my shoes. 498 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:40,960 But I'm still your Rory. 499 00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:44,880 What was your favourite TV programme when you were a child? 500 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:46,680 Ah! Blue Peter. 501 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,120 Why were you only ever at the zoo once? 502 00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,960 Cos seeing the animals in the cages, they made me cry. 503 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:53,000 - AUDIENCE: - Ah! 504 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,560 You could have guessed those feckin' answers. 505 00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,360 Say something. 506 00:26:59,360 --> 00:27:01,600 Say something that will convince me that the 507 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,520 Rory I love is in there somewhere. 508 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:07,760 Hm. 509 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,640 I love you, Mammy. 510 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,400 - AUDIENCE: - Ah! 511 00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:15,000 I'll see you in Foley's. 512 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:16,040 APPLAUSE 513 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:27,360 That's my Rory. 514 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:28,520 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 515 00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:38,600 You know, change is a funny thing. Every spring, the clock changes. 516 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,680 Every autumn, the trees change their leaves. 517 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,920 And every winter, Grandad changes his underwear. 518 00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,240 We have a little ceremony to burn the old ones. 519 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,160 I suppose the main thing is that Rory is whomever he wants to be. 520 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,760 And that takes confidence. And confidence is very important. 521 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:00,840 He gets that from his mother. 522 00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:04,000 I'll see you at Foley's. 523 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:05,160 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 524 00:28:09,360 --> 00:28:10,920 SONG: Mistletoe And Wine 525 00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:15,760 # The child is a king The carollers sing 526 00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:20,920 # The old has passed There's a new beginning 527 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:25,840 # Dreams of Santa Dreams of snow 528 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,800 # Fingers numb Faces aglow 529 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:36,440 # It's Christmas time Mistletoe and wine 530 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:42,160 # Children singing Christian rhymes 531 00:28:42,160 --> 00:28:48,000 # With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree 532 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,560 # A time to rejoice in the good that we see 533 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:58,760 # A time for giving A time for getting 534 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:03,960 # A time for forgiving and for forgetting 535 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:09,280 # Christmas is love Christmas is peace 536 00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:14,840 # A time for hating and fighting to cease 537 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,360 # Christmas time Mistletoe and wine 538 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:24,920 # Children singing Christian rhymes 539 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:30,160 # With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree 540 00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:34,520 # A time to rejoice in the good that we see 541 00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:41,400 # With logs on the fire and gifts on the tree 542 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:47,080 # A time to rejoice in the good that we see. # 543 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,120 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 544 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,800 - Merry Christmas! - Happy Christmas! 36143

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