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We're out.

Welcome to Sexy Urban Legends, the show dedicated to those scorching stories

everybody's heard. And everybody swears they're true. I'm Mick. And I'm Tony.

Did you ever get into dressing up? What, like that time I had to wear the

chicken outfit and hand out burrito samples?

Did she get you laid?

Not a chance.

Then that is definitely not what I'm talking about.

I am referring to role -playing, acting out one's fantasy.

Our first Sexy Urban Legend is a dressed -up classic called Superhero Hijinx.

Our story begins with Justin and Meg, this young couple who's just purchased

their first house.

It's in the seedier side of town, and Justin's really nervous about crime, but

he loves owning his own home. He feels like king of the castle as he lounges on

the front porch with Meg.

Justin tries to celebrate their move with a front porch poke, but Meg's a

skittish. What people do behind closed doors is one thing, but public nudity is

something else.

Justin couldn't care less if the neighbors watch.

He doesn't know him.

Besides, it's his house and he'll do what he wants.

Meg's still not comfortable fooling around in plain sight.

Justin's determined to christen his new porch.

So he rolls over on top of Meg and covers her body with his.

Attempting the old dry hump, eh?

Hey, whatever works.

He knows Meg will make it wet soon enough.

She wants to protest, but the truth is, she's digging it.

Meg's not as prudish as she seemed, but just as she's finally getting warmed up,

they hear a blood -curdling scream.

You go call the cops, okay?

The scream came from next door.

Justin cautiously approaches his neighbor's house.

This is getting serious.

Justin finds an open door and slips inside.

Justin sees his neighbor, Mona, tied up

naked on her bed.

Is she hot?

Definitely. Passed out on the floor is a man in a mask. He's wearing some type

of weird costume.

The masked man stirs and he knocks him out again.

Now Mona's really freaking out.

The police arrive and lead the masked man away.

Mona's still tied up, so Justin rushes to free her. But just as he cuts Mona

loose... He's my husband!

The ladies tell him the truth.

Seems Justin arrived just in time to catch his neighbors acting out some

fuck fantasy.

What the fuck are you talking about? It was role -playing, dude. Plain and

simple. Why don't you back up this train wreck and see if there's anything you

can salvage? Easy, man. That was just a tease.

You want to tease me? Try cradling my ball. I want a beginning and an end to

sexy urban legends.

All right.

Let's start at the beginning.

Theme's neighbor Mona and her husband Chris are a little theatrical in the

boudoir. They like their sex cloaked in a masquerade. And this time it's Chris's

turn. And he's got something special planned for her.

The night begins with Mona lounging in her bed with the little powder puff.

She gives herself a dusting, then tickles her fancy with the feathers.

This powder puppet's for the birds.

Mona needs some direct contact.

Front and back, if you know what I mean.

She lets her fingers do the fucking.

But it seems dear Mona's not alone.

Someone's watching from the shadows.

A masked intruder stands just outside her door. But Mona continues pleasing

herself, blissfully unaware.

This Mona's one fiery little victim, and our masked intruder likes what he sees.

Mona's moaning her pleasure, writhing on the bed. It's too much for her

intruder, and he charges into the room.

Mona's shocked and tries to flee, but the masked intruder catches her, pushes

her onto the bed, and gets ready to ravish her.

Hey, dude, no means no.

True, but there's something familiar about this masked intruder.

Moma's not afraid.

Moma's protester for show.

She's screaming, but they both know what she wants.

Chris must be the most gentle intruder ever as he carefully blindfolds her.

But just as Mona's getting into it, the

intruder withdraws, leaving her tied up on the bed.

Moments later, our hero arrives, dressed in his mask and cape.

He springs into action, checking on this damsel in distress.

Mona's desperate

to be free, but he declines and keeps kissing her, overcome with...

Kisses between her legs, demonstrating his superpowers of seduction.

Our hero is ready to show off his manly prowess.

He climbs up on her dresser and strikes a pose.

Mona eats it up.

He prepares to leap on Mona with a single bound.

He jumps and crashes headfirst into the bedpost.

Our hero's down, but not out.

He rallies like a champ, only to pull a heavy lamp down on his head.

He's knocked out cold, leaving Mona tied up and trapped on the bed.

Okay, pretty good beginning. Now what? How do you feel about gladiator movies?

Take it easy, Cluius. I'm not exactly sure where you're taking this.

Well, the next night, Mona and Chris invite their new neighbors over for

game of dress -up.

Yeah? And?

Get this.

Both Mona and Meg are wearing togas.

These two babes are straight from the Isle of Lesbos, if you know what I mean.

Looks like they're reenacting a scene from a Roman orgy.

Mona plunges beneath Meg's sheet and peels away her panties with her teeth.

Looks like Mona's discovered Badgelantis.

Ah, the lost continent.

She going diving?

Oh, hell yes.

And before long, she has Meg erupting like Vesuvius.

Seems our fair nymphs have an audience with the great Caesar himself.

And Caesar wants to seize himself some of this hot poontang.

Fortunately, the girls invite him to the party.

Friends, Romans, fellow countrymen, lend me your rears.

These three are sucking and licking and kissing each other like crazy. It's a

banquet of tongues.

What about our boy Justin?

Doesn't he get in on this buck naked buffet?

Since Justin did such a good job as the neighborhood watch, they made him the

sentry, and he has to stand guard over the others while they play.

Dude, that sucks!

Yeah. Fortunately, Mona's got a kind heart, and she eventually invites Justin

into the fold. The flesh fold, that is.

Well, that's right neighborly of her. Hell yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Looks like Justin and Meg have been welcomed into the neighborhood with open

arms. And legs.

And just wait till they have their block party.

Not bad for a weak -ass legend.

What? They're with sex?

Heroes? Togas?

Women eating women?

What more could you ask for? A hook?

Something to pull you into the story, perhaps?

Dude, these are sexy urban legends.

Yeah, well, you still have to have a hook.

And fortunately, I've got one that's all hooked. It's got so much hook, I even

call it the hook.

We begin this sexy urban legend at a roadside diner where it's closing time.

Betty and her boyfriend Jimmy are cleaning up the place.

The last of the customers are just finishing up, and their night manager

is at the register making change for some scruffy guy in a trench coat.

Jimmy takes the opportunity to invite Betty to a quick backroom boink.

Betty's happy to join him.

Once the place is empty, Betty locks up and heads to the back room, leaving

Manager Marge up front to tally the register.

Jimmy and Betty slip out of their uniforms and into each other's arms.

She yanks off her top and Jimmy can't wait to get his mouth on her luscious

milkshakes.

You can't wait, can you? No, I can't. But Betty's hungry for a little meat and

helps herself to a mouthful.

Apparently she's worked up quite an appetite on the job today.

slowly drops her skirt, then she peels off her panties, flashing Jimmy her

-watering muff.

Yummy. Sounds like cherry pies on the menu.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Come up here.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Come on, baby. Feed it in. Feed it in there. That's it. That's it.

Oh.

You like that, huh?

Oh,

yeah. That's it.

Meanwhile,

Marge is still at the register and thinks she hears something.

goes to check on the back room banging.

These two are still going at it and Marge walks in to find Betty flipped

her back and Jimmy bumping away between her thighs.

Marge is a little shocked by what she sees.

Instead of canning their asses, she starts fondling her own cans as she

her two employees bang away on the counter.

Marge stays hidden in the shadows, indulging in a little pussy diddling

she watches.

She wishes it was her on that slab getting Jimmy's meat.

But what's stopping her? Hey, man, she's the boss.

The lady's got an image to uphold.

Like the image of her jerking off in the shadows?

It works for her at the moment.

Jimmy's breaking a sweat now and the manager's dripping too.

All three are working up to explosive orgasm.

Jimmy gets Betty up on her knees and as he dips into her cherry, she dips into a

pie of her own and starts licking off the juice.

It's only a matter of time before it gets served up with some cream.

As Jimmy and Betty wind down, Marge quickly recovers and adjusts her

She slips away without the other two ever noticing she was there.

Marge is back at the register when Jimmy and Betty emerge from the back room and

head out.

They leave with a quick wave and Marge acts like nothing just happened. But

down, she knows there's going to be some changes made around here.

The next night, Marge has Betty bussing tables by herself while Jimmy works the

counter, serving the scruffy guy from the night before.

Anything else, sir?

But things are a little different tonight, especially when Marge flashes

knowing look and beckons him to the back.

Marge wastes no time and gets right down to business.

She yanks open his pants and prepares for his meat delivery.

She treats Jimmy to an on -the -job blow, and Jimmy's happy to comply.

Jimmy

takes

full advantage of Marge's open blouse policy and goes in for a nuzzle.

He's got a shot at employee of the month. Don't you mean employee of the

Same thing with this chick.

Oh,

yeah.

Jimmy starts kissing his boss's ass the way it was meant to be kissed.

I hate brown nosers.

You wouldn't be complaining with this mouth -watering ass.

Meanwhile,

Betty's stuck manning the register.

She's a little wig to be left all alone, especially when the scruffy guy pays.

He seems to do everything with only one hand. Have a great day.

Betty starts wondering where Jimmy and Marge disappeared to.

No worries. Jimmy's just in back, sporting major wood and getting set to

into Marge from behind.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, fuck it.

Fuck me.

The last couple clears out, leaving Betty alone in the front of the

She looks over and sees the scruffy guy standing outside the door watching

her. Betty freaks and looks around for Jimmy, but he's nowhere to be seen.

When she looks back, the scruffy guy is gone.

And he ain't the only one.

Marge is gone, too.

Over the edge.

She's spreading cherry pie on her tits like it's sunscreen and even gets Jimmy

to help rub it in.

Kinky, that must be some pie.

She is, dude, and Jimmy blows his load a la mode and Marge milks him for every

last drop.

They both end up buried in pie.

Hey, man, I'm all for food fucking, but I thought you said this thing had a

hook. In due time, my friend.

This manager Marge worked our boy Jimmy to the bone.

So much so, he never had a chance to fit in his usual poke with this girl Betty.

He already had dessert.

Now the main course needs to be served.

Long day.

Yep, let's go.

Jimmy offers to give Betty a lift after work, but as they pull away, it's

obvious they're not alone.

There's another car parked in the shadows.

Its engine starts up with a growl, and it follows them out of the lot.

These two know how to blow off steam after a long night at the diner. Betty

pulls off her top, and Jimmy dives right onto her titties.

Jimmy may drive a classic, but Betty's more interested in the hot rod tucked in

his jean.

She gets right back to work, bobbing his knob.

Jimmy just holds on for the ride.

Jimmy's about to burst when the radio blurts out.

I think

we

should finish.

Come on, man. Nobody's going to be out here.

Jimmy and Betty blow off the radio report and she gets back to

blowing him.

Jimmy's right back into it, picking up where he left off.

And as Jimmy lets fly, someone

approaches from the darkness outside.

But Jimmy and Betty are too wrapped up in the moment to notice.

Betty barely has time to wipe her chin before someone taps at the passenger

window.

I'm sorry about that.

We didn't know anybody was out there.

Yeah, sure, sure. No problem, no problem.

Yeah, got that, got that.

I can't believe that happened to us, man. Yeah, well, I told you. Nobody ever

comes out here.

I don't see why. Well, I told you. There he goes. Okay, he's gone now, all

right? So what?

No.

No, that's not let's go back. These two have picked the wrong time to argue

because something outside is rapidly approaching the car.

Fortunately, they drive away just in the nick of time.

Jimmy and Betty sit in the car, not talking.

Betty's still pissed, so she hops out. As she closes the door, she notices

something. Betty can't believe what she sees.

Hanging from the door handle is the maniac's hook.

That's your hook?

Yeah, good one, huh?

Dude, that sucked.

Where the fuck did the hook come from?

You know, the guy, the scruffy guy in the restaurant who was doing everything

with one hand? One hand.

Sounds more like your love life, dude.

I'm a two -fister, my man. Always.

Do not need the mental.

That's all we have time for this episode of Sexy Urban Legend.

I'm Tony, and he's Mick.

Later!