Original subtitles

Oh, this is getting pretty dark.

Welcome to Sexy Urban Legends, the show dedicated to all those demon stories

everyone's heard and everyone swears are true. I'm Tony. And I'm Mick. Our first

Sexy Urban Legend focuses on a grand tradition that all true -blooded

men would gladly lay their lives down to defend.

Spring Break.

Yes, sir.

Nothing beats the jiggle fest that is Spring Break. It is a veritable flesh

parade. A carnal caravan to... places where the weather is hot and the women

hotter. So begins our story of Jack and Diane.

Jack's a frat boy visiting from out of town, and Diane's a hometown girl whose

local boredom leads her to participate in the greatest of spring break

traditions, the wet t -shirt contest.

It's down to the final two girls. There's a brunette with plump double D's

proven to be quite the crowd pleaser.

And sweet Diane, who's giving this co -ed a run for her money. The competition

is stiff, and so is Jack, especially when Diane throws him her T -shirt.

When jackets are matching panties, he knows it's love.

And he watches, captivated, as Diane turns this into a wet TNA contest.

Hi, how you doing? Congratulations.

You like my jacket?

Diane goes to fetch her clothes, but it seems Jack has another fetching idea and

invites her outside.

Hooking up is another spring break tradition, and these two can't wait to

experience that as well.

Poking by a dumpster is not the most romantic spot, but it's convenient, and

Diane is basically naked from the contest.

until you put your mouth right there.

Oh, God. Suck on my clit.

Yeah.

Not only is this not the most romantic spot, it's also not the most private.

Jack keeps plowing away, clueless that his buddies have stepped outside for a

smoke. When his buddies catch on, they sneak over to watch Jack treat this

to a wallbanger.

Spring break is off to a killer start.

Jack was expecting Diane to be a one -night wonder, but after this

he's hooked.

The next night, Jack drags Diane into a public men's room for some stall sex.

Jack pops her top while Diane checks his undercarriage.

They both know that stealth is key.

But Diane can't help moaning, so Jack knows how to shut her up.

Oh, yeah, that's good. Of course, Diane knows when she gets oral, it's Jack

who's going vocal.

Oh, God.

By the time Jack's ready to take the plunge, all concern for Quiet is lost.

Diane rides him like a bucking bronco as they bang away in the stall.

Their rumpty gets interrupted, and Jack's barely able to muffle the muff

as some guy comes in to take a piss.

Only it seems Piss Boy has a full tank to empty, and being only a few feet

Jack and Diane struggle to stay quiet.

Piss Boy keeps pissing, and Jack's dying for this guy to finish his whiz so he

can get back to doing his biz.

Yeah, and shooting his jizz.

Anyway, Shakespeare, piss boy starts thinking maybe he's not alone.

Our copulating couple has to stifle their laughter. The last thing they need

for this guy to get pee shy. But no worries. He finally manages to drain his

vein, then dips up and walks out. What, he didn't wash his hands?

I know.

Yuck, dude, toilet sex is about as hot as a bathroom is hygienic. Tell me about

it, man. And Jack's getting a little fed up with these public displays of

affection. What about her place?

Can't. She lives with her parents.

Jack suggests the park, but Diane gets all weird.

Seems there's stories of frolicking couples getting murdered there at night.

Ah, the maniac of the woods.

So what do they do?

Well, they're either really broke or they really want to get laid. Either

the next night Jack takes Diane to the park for a little loving under the

Ah, I hope she likes sand in her box.

She brings a bunch of camping gear with her and they head to the park

campground.

The park is deserted, so they have no problem finding a private spot to pitch

their tent.

Dude, I'm pitching one right now just thinking about it.

Anyway, these two have finally found a peaceful place for pleasure.

Jack's prepared to totally Romeo Diane tonight, maniac or no maniac.

He peels off her bra.

Taking his time and lays her back on the sleeping bag.

See, baby?

Yeah.

That's so bad.

Things are going great, but there's a slight problem. They aren't exactly

Yeah,

that's how you do it.

Strangers approaching in the middle of the night can only mean...

But Diane keeps grinding away with reckless abandon.

She's on top of them, and they're nearly on top of her.

Suddenly, the tent flaps ripped open, but instead of the maniac, it's a deputy

sheriff. What do we have here?

Jack's spooked, but Diane's relieved.

You guys know it's illegal to have sex in a public park?

I wouldn't exactly call this an open and shut case.

Diane's pussy pleads their case, and the deputy is overwhelmed by her compelling

body of evidence.

Maybe we could work something out.

Now you, come on, out of the tent.

Jack bounces out of the tent, pulling on his clothes.

He starts to complain to the other cop, but discovers the town sheriff ain't

interested. Well, well, well, looks like it's our turn today.

So you know you're in big trouble, right? Mm -hmm.

So you're going to take care of me? Yeah.

Jack can't believe Diane is actually cooperating with the authorities.

Copulating, you mean.

This deputy's scared straight program involves jamming himself straight into

Diane.

I'm going to bat, girl.

Yes, you have.

Oh, yeah. Oh,

yeah. I feel so good.

This deputy is giving her a lesson about the slammer.

And it seems they're all getting a glimpse of life on the inside.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, just like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh,

God.

Our sheriff has seen enough, but it's not the deputy's behavior that makes him

step forward.

Jack can tell this sheriff's only planning to bust one thing.

Yeah, his own nuts.

Exactly.

This police department has a policy.

The man with the biggest nightstick takes the final swing.

Only there's a problem.

Daddy!

Oh, not the sheriff's daughter.

Busted.

So did he fuck her?

Dude, you did not just ask me that. I'm kidding. But obviously that night put an

end to little Diane's wild spurt. Well, I think it was the deputy's spurt and a

little Diane that troubled the sheriff more.

Hey, so what about the Maniac of the Woods?

Apparently those stories were untrue. The sheriff made them up just to keep

kids out of the park at night.

Ah.

Well, if you like that case of mistaken identity, then this one's guaranteed to

double your pleasure.

I call it Double Trouble.

It's about twins.

Oh, you're so good to me.

Kelly and Shelly are identical in every way. They share the same house, the same

hairstyle, the same... Smoking body?

They're not Siamese, jackass. There's two of them.

Two very hot girls who also share the same job, dancing in an exotic cabaret.

Ladies and gentlemen, now to entertain you on our runway of fame, introducing

the fabulous Kelly.

Kelly's a stripper in her prime, and she gets top dollar for her talent. She

knows how to please the crowd.

and please herself in the process.

But what really makes her happy is those dollar bills landing on stage when her

dancing is done.

Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for my fabulous Kelly.

And this crowd ain't seen nothing yet.

You are.

Both sisters take the stage. It's time for everyone to grab their poles.

Yeah, I'll bet, dude.

These two put the art in party, and they dance together, working the crowd in

tandem.

perform their simulated sex show, the money just pours in.

Hey, there's nothing like a thriving family business, is there?

Throbbing is more like it.

It's time to take a bow and show their appreciation.

Can you say a wow?

Double wow.

We're talking legs for days.

And the crowd just eats them up. They wish.

They earn cash hand over fist.

But this is just chump change.

The real money comes from lap dancing in the VIP lounge.

That's where the customers shell out the large green.

Especially one fat cat who takes a fancy to Kelly.

He's clutching a sweaty fistful of cash, and she's hoping to relieve him of some

of that extra weight.

Kelly drops down to her hands and knees and crawls around his chair, allowing

her to make the big switch. For you see, Shelly wants in on the action too.

Shelly picks up where Kelly left off and kicks things up a notch.

And again, they make the switch. But Kelly doesn't miss a beat. She steps

in and continues the charade.

Dude, they're totally tag teaming this guy.

You got a problem with that? Hey, I say, the more the merrier.

Exactly. And once the fat cat figures out what's going on, it's too late. He's

hooked.

Double the pleasure, double the money, right?

That's okay. I got plenty, honey.

Pardon my engorgement, but where is the legend in this? You have no patience, my

friend. Don't you know the finest things always take time?

So what? These chicks are all about driving guys nuts and then taking their

money. Tell me something about chicks that I don't know. Well, they have a

sensitive side.

And for Kelly, that involves her boyfriend, Lance.

He's the only thing that makes Kelly and Shelly different.

See, Shelly's happy to play the field, but when Kelly's not dancing at the

she's giving Lance his own private show back at her place.

Kelly knows Lance is the man for her. Her one true love, and she's totally

devoted to making him happy. I'm sure Lance ain't arguing.

Especially when Kelly cops a feel of his morning wood.

These two start each day right with a nutritious breakfast in bed.

Then they take the dog out for a walk.

That's my kind of morning routine.

Kelly swears that she needs her daily lancing to scrape the horns away so

not tempted to fool around at the club.

But Lance isn't taking any chances.

He likes swinging by the club just to keep her on her toes.

But there's also a great side benefit.

Sometimes Shelly joins in.

Excellent! A twofer for the double meat twins.

And both girls give Lance double treatment.

Of course, Lance has a dilemma.

Two hands, two sisters.

So while one hand fondles Kelly, the other finds its way to Shelly's fine

And in all this excitement, it's hard to tell who's who.

But sadly, this is as far as it goes.

Kelly wants Lance all to herself, so she drags him off to the VIP lounge for

some private time.

It seems a no -touching policy at the club doesn't apply to boyfriends, and

Lance is taking full advantage.

Oh, God, this is so good.

Look at the Lord.

There you go.

Kelly shoves her honey hole in Lance's face and he makes like a busy bee.

My pussy.

Just as these two are about to blow, Sister Shelly pokes her head in for a

peek.

They're having such fun, Kelly is sort of bummed she couldn't join the party.

Shelly decides to slip away and take matters into her own hands.

We talking a solo soiree?

You know it, dude.

She finds a private room and makes herself nice and comfy.

Seems Shelly's got a secret lover of her own.

And it's of the battery -powered variety.

She fires it up to iron out the kinks.

And this girl's got some kinks.

Don't get me wrong.

She can definitely take care of herself.

But at times like these, she wishes she had a man like Lance.