All language subtitles for sul e3

One hour and a half.

Welcome to Sexy Urban Legends, the show
dedicated to those smoking stories

everybody's heard. And everyone swears
are true. I'm Tony.

And I'm Mick. And you're in for a treat
because tonight we're having ourselves a

three -way. That's right. Three Sexy
Urban Legends for the price of two. And

they all focus on America's favorite
play toy, the video camera.

Consider it an homage to the Handycam.

Our first Sexy Urban Legend is a classic
called Home Movies.

It seems Friday night's movie night at
Mike's house, and there's nothing he and

his girl Shelly like more than cuddling
up next to the boob tube.

You gotta love a girl who appreciates
staying in.

Exactly. Mike always swings by the local
video store after work to collect a

flick, but the one he picked up was
limp, so Shelly suggested they eject the

reject and try making a movie of their
own.

So it's a good thing Mike also picked up
a blank videotape and some fresh

batteries.

He loads a couple copper tops into the
handy cam, and Shelly uses the rest to

power up her vibrator.

One thing about Shelly, she's not shy.

She sprawls out on the kitchen table
with the vibrator the size of Texas

between her legs.

seems Shelly is wide open to this whole
home video idea.

So Mike leaves Shelly moaning on the
table and goes to set up the camera on

tripod. I'm working on a third leg
myself right about now.

Dude, I didn't need the visual.

Anyway, Mike aims the camera at the
kitchen counter, then invites Shelly

get cooking.

They start kissing, but this chick's
oven is already preheated. And I'm

smoking hot.

Mike slides his lips down her body and
then helps himself to a hot box lunch.

The camera keeps rolling, recording it
all. And let me tell you.

This Shelly has star potential written
all over.

Yeah.

Mike's loving her from her head down to
her tippy toes.

Then it's back into the breach for
another tasty mouthful. Sounds like this

Mike can't get enough of Shelly's home
cooking. No doubt. Mike keeps munching

and kissing and licking away.

She bends over the counter and presents
him with some hot, tasty buns, just

begging Mike to butter them.

Mike sheds his shorts and steps up to
the plate for some serious budding

practice. The first pitch goes high and
inside.

the pace in order to give Shelly a taste
of things to come.

Then it falls to the wall, sprint to the
finish line.

serves up a hot and juicy ball batter
basting. That's something you won't see

the Food Channel. No, my friend, but
this little performance may find an

audience yes.

No shit.

Oh, yeah. It would be a crime to keep
footage that hot locked up in some TV

cabinet. Yeah, but come on. Don't you
need a distributor or some rockin'

internet site to ship your homegrown sex
stuff?

Amateur porn's yesterday's boner. What
people really want is the raw stuff.

Private videos made by private citizens
intended to be viewed in the privacy of

their own homes. That's what's hot.

So what, Dom Pervo steals their tape?

No, even better.

Usually Mike returns their video rentals
the next morning on his way to work,

but that day he was running late, so
Shelly took care of it for him. Only she

had someplace to be, so she just tossed
the tape in the bin and folded.

I hate it when they don't rewind.

Can't they read?

This video geek pops in Shelly's return
tape only to discover there's been a

slight mistake.

Dude, check this out.

It seems Shelly got confused and grabbed
the wrong tape.

Instead of returning the rented show,
Shelly brought the original camera

of her and Mike cooking it up nasty in
the kitchen.

Are you getting this?

Of course I'm getting all this.

Yeah.

He's getting it.

One thing's for sure.

Video geeks know quality cinema when
they see it. And this is definitely

Jack material.

Dude. What?

We could sell this.

No, that would be bad.

You're right.

We could give it away, though.

Well, what do you know?

Seems our video geeks are quite the
little entrepreneurs.

They burn hundreds of copies, and pretty
soon they've got a line around the

block of people who can't wait to get
their hands on Shelly and Mike's fuck

tape. This is sure to be the first in a
long series of tapes these boys plan to

release under the title, Girls Gone
Wacky.

As for Shelly and Mike, well, they moved
away.

Dude, why?

They could have been famous. More like
infamous.

Their fan club would be homemade porn
connoisseurs. Imagine signing

Excuse me, will you sign my pecker?

Okay, dude, I get the picture.

But if you like that, you're going to
love this.

Our next sexy urban legend is a favorite
of mine called Slam Dunk.

It's about good old Coach Everhart, the
local girls' basketball coach.

His teams have gone winless for decades
until finally it's their year.

After a tight season, they pull out a
miraculous come -from -behind victory in

the league championship.

I love coming from behind. Don't we all?

Anyway, after enduring so many losing
seasons, the team went a little nuts

their victory celebration.

As Coach Everhart congratulates his
three -star seniors on their victory,

invite him into the locker room for a
private celebration.

Yeah, right. Can you say...

fireable offense.

Hey, these girls love their coach,
especially his star player, Jasmine.

They just kicked some major ass, and now
it's time to party.

And hey, if they want to include their
coach in the action, I say let them.

These girls are pumped up, and they
waste no time stripping out of their

uniforms. Coach Eberhard tries to be
casual about it.

But then Jasmine grabs the team's video
camera and starts filming the flesh

fiesta. This is definitely going to be a
party for the record book. But then

Coach Eberhard came prepared.

There's something about champagne that
makes these girls' clothes magically

disappear. Yeah, along with their
inhibitions.

Coach Eberhard cools his girls down with
a champagne bubble bath. But this just

gets them all fired up again.

Jasmine keeps taping away as her
teammates dribble bubbly from their

boobies. Brother, you just said a
mouthful.

You know it, my friend. And Coach
Eberhard just keeps hosing them down.

And once he's got them dripping, he
tells his ladies to hit the showers.

After a game like that?

I need a shower right now.

Now, Coach Everhart probably should have
bailed. But hey, these girls are

graduating. So he decides to keep the
camera rolling to capture their final

moments on tape.

And there are some great moments going
on in this wet and wild funhouse.

Coach Everhart always said, what happens
in the locker room stays in the locker

room.

Jasmine considers sitting this one out
while she watches her two teammates play

a little woman -on -woman center court.

But she's got a hot hand tonight and
makes her move for the hoop only to get

hung up on the rim, circling it over and
over before it drops in.

Meanwhile, Coach Eberhard captures it
all from courtside.

He taped every game this season, and
that sort of preparation is what got

to the championship.

That, and chemistry.

His girls have great chemistry.

Yeah, on the court and off.

No doubt.

And if there's one thing Coach Eberhard
emphasized this season, it's form.

And right now, these girls are forming a
daisy chain.

All aboard!

The Oral Sex Express.

This is turning into a clutch situation,
and Jasmine knows when you're driving

deep into your opponent's key and you're
looking to score, turn to your coach

for the next move.

And Coach Eberhard is right on top of
it. He signaled the girls to switch to a

zone offense.

We talking erogenous zone?

You know it.

Nothing offensive about that, dude.

Coach is hanging right in there with his
girls, but he's tired of warming the

bench and wants to start warming his
wood instead.

Good thing Jasmine brings him in to get
his game on. She knows there's no I in

team. Yeah, but team backwards spells
meet.

That's a stretch, dude. But you got the
right idea.

Coach Everhart is packing.

capture their slick moves on tape.

Coach Everhart gave his all for the
team, but it looks like he's still got a

moves to show his girls.

She's also one to drill the basics over
and over again.

A good player needs balance, ball
control, and a sure hand to make it to

leagues. And these girls are definitely
on their way.

out winning that brings out the best in
people.

Finally, Coach Eberhard shoots and
scores a buzzer shot from the outside

just tickles a rim.

Well played.

A couple of weeks later, Jasmine's
parents receive a package.

They couldn't make it to the big game,
and they ask Coach Eberhard to send them

a video of Jasmine's winning
performance.

Dad popped tape in the machine, and they
sit back to watch their baby girl in

action.

And sure enough, there she is, driving
the ball for a slam dunk.

Mom and Dad are stunned.

Seems the Oral Sex Express is riding
again, with Jasmine as the caboose.

Looks like their baby girl has a really
good shot of being named this season's

MVP, Most Visible Pussy.

Nice.

She's got my vote.

Yeah, but can you say, busted?

You think Coach Eberhard sent that tape
on purpose?

Oh, yeah. I'm sure he was looking
forward to his new coaching position in

men's penal system.

Don't you mean penile?

Either way, dude, he's fucked.

Well, speaking of trouble, our final
sexy urban legend is called Stormy

and it's about this hot new weather girl
who's been stirring up quite a tempest

at the local TV station.

Temperatures aren't the only thing on
the rise when Victoria's on the air,

especially when she signs off her
weather report with the same suggestive

phrase.

Looks like this front is going to be
with us for a while, folks.

But remember, if the weather outside is
frightful, the weather inside can be

delightful.

Fred?

After the broadcast, Victoria always
flirts with Fred the anchorman. They

to have a better light on you than they
do on me.

It's like...

Her comments don't go unnoticed by
Monica, the station's sexy intern.

Victoria sure seems to know a lot about
cameras and lighting, and it's really no

surprise. She's always felt she was
special and has dreamed of being on TV

she was a little girl.

Well, Victoria decided to make it a
reality and invested quite a bit of cash

converting her home into a mini studio.

She's got lights.

Cameras and recording decks scattered
throughout the place. So what does she

it for? Practicing her weather reports?

Not quite.

She puts on some music, powers up the
monitors, and gets ready for showtime.

She starts off slow.

peeling away her clothes and playing
right to the camera. I'm liking this

Yeah, but this chick's attention is only
focused on one thing.

Herself. If you cracked open the
dictionary and looked up narcissist,

Victoria's picture.

Fuck the book. I'd rather look up
Victoria's crack.

Well, Victoria may be happy to oblige.

Aren't you sad?

This Victoria's got more than one secret
hidden beneath her skirt. You ain't

kidding, my friend.

After a few warm -ups, Victoria decides
to rehearse her trademark phrase.

Only this time, it takes on a brand new
meaning.

And just remember, if the weather
outside is frightful,

the weather inside can be delightful.

Seems like the barometer's going up and
things are getting awfully moist.

And Victoria is ready to bring this
report to a rapid close.

Just remember.

The weather outside is frightful.

Ooh. Weather. Inside.

Delightful.

Delightful. And that's the weather. The
only weather I'm wondering about is

whether I can get a copy of this tape.

In due time, my friend.

The next day, Victoria continues
chatting up Fred the Anchorman.

She had so much fun at last night's
taping, she's wondering how she

can outdo herself.

Once again, Monica, the sexy intern,
soaks it all in.

Sure enough, the weather girl is really
blowing hard today on her co -star Fred

the Anchorman.

And just as she guessed, Fred feels
right at home under the hot lights.

Victoria loves performing with another
professional, and they shift positions

get the best camera angle for both of
them.

Apparently,

Victoria also has aspirations to direct.

And right now, she directs Fred straight
to her throbbing clit. And Anchorman

Fred has no problem using his tongue to
brush up on current events.

Victoria

gets

distracted by her own bad self.

and has to sneak a peek at the monitors.

But Anchorman Fred gets her attention
back when he drops anchor and starts

rocking Victoria's boat.

Oh!

as Newsboy drives into Victoria from
behind.

Oh!

Look at there.

Can you see?

Come down.

Come down. You can see.

Oh, that's it.

That's it. Right there.

Right there. And as Victoria gets close,
she lets fly with her trademark line.

And the weather outside is frightful,
but the weather inside...

It can be delightful.

Back

to

you, Fred.

That's a wrap.

Dude, that's it.

That ending is totally weak.

Patience, my friend. There's always a
calm before the storm.

What are you saying?

Remember Monica, the sexy intern?

Yeah, like there's any other kind.

Well, even though she's been flying
under everybody's radar, there's quite a

tempest brewing in this girl.

You see, Victoria gave Fred a copy of
their tape, and he accidentally leaves

unattended in his dressing room, where
anyone can find it. No, don't tell me.

Hey, everyone's got a soft spot for a
hot sex scandal.

What's Mother Nature got in store for us
tomorrow?

More of the same, Fred.

This big, bad storm just isn't giving
up. This coastal front is going to be

us for quite some time.

But remember, if the weather outside is
frightful, the weather inside can be

delightful. Seems like the station's
having technical difficulty and someone

loaded up the wrong tape.

Victoria's sex tape is being broadcast
to the entire town.

I wonder who's behind that.

Thanks, Tech. We're going to have
nothing but sunshine, sunshine, sunshine

the next week. While Victoria was
sleeping her way to the bottom, our sexy

intern Monica was clawing her way to the
top, knocking both Fred and Victoria

right out of her way.

Nice backstabbing. You know what they
say on the evening news, if it bleeds,

leads. True, but you need skin to win in
the ratings game. I'll drink to that.

Well, that's all the time we have for
this episode of Sexy Urban Legends.

I'm Tony.

And I'm Mick.

Later.

Thank you.