Original subtitles

What are you doing?

Welcome to Sexy Urban Legends, the show dedicated to those scorching stories

everybody's heard. And everyone swears are true. I'm Tony. And I'm Mick. Now,

our first Sexy Urban Legend takes place on Halloween.

Dude, please.

I don't want to hear about razor blades and apples.

These stories are supposed to be sexy.

Ah, but you see, Halloween's not just for kids.

Every year, there's this decadent masquerade ball where adults dress up in

costumes. And since nobody knows who's who, anything goes.

Cool. A freaky sex party.

Exactly. Now, our story begins with Claire, an innocent housewife whose

has just received one of these coveted invitations.

Now, Claire's not exactly a square, but this is definitely her first freaky sex

party. She and her husband want to check out what really goes on at this thing.

So she goes to rent their costumes at an adult costume shop. And they really

mean adult.

Claire is shocked by what she sees.

Bondage suits with strap -ons, leather and latex and whips and chains.

They've got everything on display.

Claire considers bolting. But the truth is, this stuff's kind of turning her on.

Can I help you?

Yes.

I'm looking for a costume.

Do you know what kind of costume?

Um, no.

It's for a Halloween party.

Let me show you a few things.

Claire's not about to tell him it's for a freaky sex party, but he must know

it's for something risque.

She hopes he doesn't get the wrong idea.

Actually, I kind of like this one.

Oh,

this is for a man.

That's okay. My husband's going to be going.

Oh, your husband.

Okay.

Well, if you like this, I have, um... Claire thought mentioning her husband

would show she's not a slut.

But this guy just gets more interested in her.

He's almost flirting. It goes with that one?

Yeah, it does.

Do you like this?

Yeah, I'll try this one on.

Okay.

Let me, uh, show you to the, uh, dressing room.

Okay. Follow me.

Once Claire undresses, she really gets into the party spirit.

She starts playing with herself, imagining wearing this costume with sexy

lingerie, or maybe with no underwear at all.

I'm all for VPL.

Visible pussy lines.

Well, it seems the salesman likes him too, because what Claire doesn't know is

she's not alone.

This salesman takes shoplifting seriously, especially when his shoppers

lifting their skirts.

The salesman walks in on Claire, timing his arrival to get a prime view of her

naked ass.

Claire covers up, but he tells her not to worry. He sees women undressing all

the time in his job and offers her another costume to try on.

It's a leopard print bikini with cat ears.

The feel of the fur on flesh is too much, and Claire starts stroking herself

over as she checks out the purring pussy in the mirror.

I have something else for you.

Outfit. Nothing.

Is there anything else I can do?

Okay, I'll leave you alone now.

Claire's having too much fun by herself.

She tries on the last outfit, and get this.

It's a pony girl costume.

Yee -haw!

Claire starts rubbing herself down and imagines a salesman coming in to join

again. Only this time, he's wearing a costume of his own. A leather -studded

cowboy.

And like a good beast of burden, Claire gets ready to please her master.

salesman's got one frisky filly on his hand, and he proceeds to tame it by

stroking her mane with his tongue.

But this pony girl's stomping at the bit for something a little more intense.

Sounds like she wants to be ridden hard and put away wet.

Exactly. So the salesman adjusts the saddle, digs in his fur, and they're off

the races.

and she gives the salesman one ride he will never forget.

Of course, it's only a fantasy.

Hello?

Hello?

Are you okay?

Oh, yeah.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Claire's feeling a little foolish.

This is so not like her. So she quickly dresses and grabs the first two costumes

she sees.

Did you change?

Come again.

Later that day, Claire's husband Steve returns home, ready to hit the party.

Claire's not feeling well. All that excitement at the store really wore

out. You okay?

I have a headache.

But look what I got you.

So Thief tries it on. I have to say, he makes a dashing buccaneer. Too bad he's

going solo to the party. A buccaneer? Solo?

What about his fucking wife? I thought she was dying to go to this thing.

Sorry, dude.

Claire's down for the count.

Apparently, her migraines can be a real bitch, so she insists Steve go on

without her. So let me get this straight.

She's holding an invite to the best freaky sex party in town, and she's not

going. Instead, she's letting her husband go alone?

Exactly. Oh, dude, he's got himself a free pass to Puntang. Ah, so he thinks.

But when Claire remembers how she acted at the costume shop, she knows there's

no way she can let Steve go unsupervised.

So? She pounds a few aspirin, and after a quick power nap, Claire wakes up

feeling refreshed.

And Claire suddenly has a wicked idea.

Since her husband never saw her costume, she could easily disguise herself, then

slip into the party and flirt with him and see how he'll respond.

Sounds like Steve is in for one hell of a trick -or -treat.

Claire arrives at the party disguised in a fancy French maid outfit.

Why, hello.

When she checks the place out, she discovers the rumors are true.

This is one wild party.

Costume people are everywhere doing everything.

She sees the devil going down on Georgia while some cowpoke squeezes Georgia's

peaches.

Claire wanders upstairs in search of her husband.

Just these wall -to -wall decadence.

Gypsies and magicians, couples kissing in the shadows, but not a buccaneer in

the bunch.

Claire's feeling very out of place and decides it would be a good idea if she

has a drink.

Meanwhile,

it's orgy time.

People are fucking everywhere.

On the floor, against the wall, you name it.

Claire hangs by the punch bowl, scanning the place for her husband.

And sure enough, the buccaneer appears.

Groping some Cleopatra.

Claire is pissed.

How could Steve do this? He's not even trying to be discreet.

Claire wants to confront him. She doesn't quite have the courage.

So she fires up on the punch.

Downing cup after cup.

Now he's kissing the bitch. And Claire decides it's time he was cut down to

size.

Claire knows Thief won't recognize her, so she wanders over to see how far he's

willing to go with all this.

But he doesn't skip a beat. He just includes her in the grope fest by diving

under her skirt.

One of my favorite ways to say hello.

Claire's stunned and confused, and despite herself, she joins in.

Next thing Claire knows, they're all in a bedroom together.

The buccaneer watches as Claire and Cleo go at each other in a serious lip lock.

Nothing like a lessee pretzel appetizer to start us off.

He unsheathes his sword and joins the party.

Hope he swashed his buckle.

Better. He skewers Cleopatra from behind while Claire watches from below. Her

face inches from the slapping action.

Can you say teabags?

Exactly, dude.

It's unreal.

She's watching her husband bang some other chick.

And she doesn't know if she should be turned on or pissed off. I vote turned

he's actually fucking his wife.

And Claire races away before the grand unmasking at midnight.

Claire rushes in, ripping off her costume. She quickly jumps into bed,

pretending to have been home all night.

Steve may have busted a nut at the party, but Claire is looking forward to

busting his balls when he gets home.

Sure enough, she barely gets her book open when Steve walks in.

Hi.

Steve casually approaches like nothing happened. And the weird thing is, he's

not wearing his buccaneer costume.

How was your evening?

Did you have a good time?

Not really.

Claire's shocked.

They've never had a night as wild as this.

Steve surprises her more when he pulls out a wad of cash.

He says some guy approached him outside the party and offered him a hundred

bucks for his costume.

Steve gladly took the cash, then went to the local sports bar.

Then who the hell was Claire fucking?

Steve said the guy had heard about the party from some female customer and was

hoping he'd crash it and see her again.

Beautiful.

The lady was played.

And played well.

Nothing like a little sexual confusion to spice things up.

Hey, uh...

Are you still trying to get over yours?

Very funny, Dr.

Freud. Why don't you tell us another legend?

Be my pleasure.

This next sexy urban legend is all about cyber sex.

Log on and get off with nameless, faceless fuck buddies.

It is the future of romance, which is a good thing for Bill and Darlene.

You see, Bill and Darlene are engaged to be married, but the longer they put off

their wedding, the shorter their sex life gets.

Which is not to say it's bad. It's just that Bill has become the master of the

morning blaster. He wakes up with wooden weights, no time whittling it down.

Compared to this, a quickie would be a slow fuck.

Darlene's not complaining. She'll take it when she can get it. But what does

annoy her is how quick Bill moves on to other things.

He rolls out of bed and immediately starts getting ready for work. Bill's

his morning rituals down.

In no time, he's shit -showered and shaved.

For Darlene, it's an amazing thing to watch.

Bill can accomplish his whole routine from start to finish without uttering a

word. And just when Darlene starts to question spending the rest of her life

with this guy, Bill speaks.

Off to the races.

And that's it. A kiss goodbye, and he's gone.

Most chicks would be showing this clown the door, but Darlene doesn't mind.

You see, she's got a ritual of her own, and the sooner Bill's gone, the sooner

she can get to it.

After a quick shower, Darlene sits down at her computer and logs on.

Sure enough, he's already there, waiting for her in their private chat room.

Sounds like someone's having an affair.

Yep, with some guy online who goes by the name...

Road rage.

Darlene kicks back, peels open her towel, and gets ready to glaze her seat

she reads what road rage has in store for her today.

I'm squeezing your nipples between my fingers until they are hard and ripe.

I lean over and bite one.

Seems road rage is inspired this morning, and his words are definitely

trick. Darlene lets herself get pulled right into his fantasy.

I lick my way up your legs.

Teeth every step of the way.

She imagines she's in this mysterious room and road rages there, but she can't

see him because his face is buried between her legs.

This guy is good, and Darlene keeps stroking herself, going along with what

writing.

Darlene's back in the fantasy room with road rage, giving her ass the royal

treatment.

Darlene keeps going, working herself into a frenzy.

You're on all fours.

And I continue to tease you until you, until you beg for it.

And that's just what she needs.

Darlene is around the bend and coming home.

Thanks to road rage and back feet driving.

I'm rushing back inside you.

And you're better than before.

And it ends in a major pileup.

Deeper. One orgasm crashing into another.

Harder. But things are about to get even wilder for Darlene.

Because as she comes back to reality, her mysterious road rage does something

unexpected.

I turn you around as we get closer to the edge.

He accidentally reveals himself to her due to a sudden case of office

interrupted.

I said I need you in my office now.

Okay, I'll be right there.

The dead giveaway is how road rage chose to sign off.

I'm sorry, babe.

I gotta go. My boss just called me.

I'm off to the races.

Darlene can't believe it. She's been having cyber sex with her own fiancé.

So wait a minute.

You're telling me this chick's been blowing lady loads all morning long and

doesn't even know who it was with?

So it seems, my brother.

Well, does her fiancé at least know what's going on?

That's the beauty of online sex.

Nobody knows who's on the other side of the monitor.

That's why Bill's in such a hurry to get to the office. He can't wait to jump

online.

So, basically, they've been cheating on each other with each other.

Exactly. And when Darlene finds out that road rage has really failed, she's

pissed.

She wonders how far he's willing to take this little affair, so she sets him up

by arranging a secret meeting at a local hotel. And sure enough, road rage

agrees to be there.

Darlene arrives early and gets the place ready.

She wants to give Bill the shock of his life.

But when she goes to answer the door, it's Darlene who's in for a surprise.

Instead of Bill, there's a bicycle messenger standing there. Where are you?

Road rage.

All right. All right, come on in.

Darlene invites the guy inside, but she's confused.

Perhaps she was wrong.

Maybe this guy is her road rage.

He certainly looks the part, and now that he's here, she just can't send him

away.

Besides, what's wrong with one last fling before she and Bill get married?

It's not like she and road rage haven't done it before. Yeah, except now they'll

actually be in the same room.

Exactly.

Are you going to keep the helmet on?

No.

Road Rage lays Darlene on the bed and strips her down.

Then he attacks her tits like they're the French Alps and he's got to make up

for lost time.

After that, it's a long coast downhill to Happy Valley.

This is one slippery track, but Road Rage is up for the challenge and Darlene

loving the workout.

These two make the final turn and get ready for a sprint to the finish.

They're moving like a well -greased machine, and Darlene can't believe it.

is just like her fantasy, only better.

Rage is everything Darlene had imagined and more.

She could ride him forever.

She forgets all about her fiancé and hopes to experience this road rage for a

long, long time.

Hold on. Are you just making this shit up as you go?

I thought her fiancé was road rage. He is.

Then who's the guy in the skid lid?

He's road rage, too. Come on. Look, it's simple.

Darlene's fiancé, Bill, was road rage.

But when Darlene set up the meeting at the hotel, Bill knew she was on to him.

So he decided to mess with her and sent a bicycle messenger in his place.

Thing is, he never imagined she'd fuck him, let alone run off with him. Whoa,

that's fucked up. Yeah, but there's more.

Seems Bill's found someone new online.

Ah, way to bounce back.

Yep, and this chick is one scorching hot babe. Bill spends all day at work

writing to her in a chat room.

Everything he can about this chick. Turns out she's some big -titted blonde

named Candy. Yummy.

Bill can almost picture her as he writes, peeling open her top and

fun bags.

These two have connected on a primal level that he and Darlene never had.

It's almost like she's right there in the office with him.

fantasizes about what they would do if she did show up.

Candy would turn his office into their own private cooch cabaret and treat him

to the mother of all lap dances, where touching is not only allowed, it's

expected, damn it.

In no time, they're both naked, and Candy moves on to her pole dance number,

treating our boy to some thirsty suckage.

Then it's Bill's turn to chow down, and there's nothing like Candy's oozy coos

to quench a man's appetite.

After a delicious visit to the Tush Buffet, Bill is fortified for some

bucking and slides it home, much to Candy's delight.

After Bill blows his badge, he's totally wiped and Candy lets him sleep it off,

wearing a big shit -eating grin on his face.

Dude, that is so not real. True, but Bill has found his cyber soulmate, and

that's all that matters. Of course, it would be nice if all people online were

who they pretended to be.

Don't tell me Candy's not tasty.

Her name's not even Candy.

Looks like the dude's got a dell.

And Adele happens to be 74 years old.

That's just gross. You got a problem with that?

No, I loved it. Double whammy. What thick is, I probably would have fallen

it, too.

Tell me about it, dude.

Big -titted blondes are just like salmon eggs.

Perfect bait.

That's all we have time for this episode of Sexy Urban Legend. I'm Tony, and

he's me.

Late.

We'll be right back.