Original subtitles

(Transcrito por TurboScribe.ai. Atualize para Ilimitado para remover esta mensagem.) Hello.

These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home, and the pub I own, thinking

about all the big problems in the world, and some smaller ones that annoy me.

Luckily, there's a place I can go to solve them all, or at least try.

In my shed.

Right, it's here that I have the tools.

Let's just saw some wood up.

The tea, and a couple of other highly competent blokes.

Very good, brace yourselves.

Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.

Is she getting the ticket out?

Great.

Dirty flight of us.

And small.

The cereal has gone soggy.

I'll also have to take on other people's problems.

What is wrong with Peter?

He used to make a sound, and now he doesn't.

By which I mean the locals at my pub, who are always bringing me stuff to mend.

Is it a train set?

So join us, and our excitable crew.

Who will capture our endeavours.

That was epic.

As we create.

Make.

That feels like a terrible thing you've just done.

Repair.

So it's never worked.

Not in my lifetime.

And repurpose.

In my shedload of ideas.

What do you think?

This is just brilliant.

When I'm not in my workshop solving big problems,

I like to get outdoors to enjoy Wiltshire's outstanding natural beauty.

It's no wonder people often bring their hairy chums to visit.

And of course, all dogs are welcome, except that one.

But unfortunately, this can leave us with a, well, a big job.

Now here is a sign that really shouldn't be necessary.

It's in the notice board in the village.

Please clean up after your dog.

That is taking up space that could be advertising violin lessons,

or the local masseurs, or something like that.

Now, most dog owners are very responsible.

We understand that.

Dogs themselves are not to blame.

They are merely animals, and the animals are innocent.

But it is a fact that there are some people who don't clean up after their dogs.

Here, for example, we have some pretend dog poop.

We've made them out of a child's mouldable art material.

If these were real dog poos, the dogs would have very odd diets indeed.

One of the problems with dog poo is that you have to bend down to pick it up.

You have one of these little bags.

This is a dog poo bag.

It's pretty undignified, really.

You put your hand in it.

You pick up the jobby.

And then you turn it inside out,

and you supposedly put it in the dog poo bin.

What we need is some sort of device,

especially for those who don't have a dog but who are offended by dog poo,

that allows you to pick it up without bending down and hurting your back,

doesn't require you to have the silly little black plastic bag,

and then allows you to quickly, painlessly and cleanly deposit it in the dog poo bin.

That's what we're going to invent.

And that means, as usual, society will be saved by us.

47% of Brits think dog fouling is one of the most annoying things

that they experience in open spaces.

Worse than litter, pollution, traffic and smoking.

So, like all problems of this magnitude, it's best solved in the shed,

with a little help from creative engineer Simmy.

Oh, we are so good.

Right.

My trusty carpenter, Tony the Tool.

Gotcha!

And, of course, capturing all the action, our hard-working, high-spirited crew.

Come on, James.

Oh!

So, Simmy believes he's come up with an elegant solution,

an engineering solution to the knotty problem of collecting dog faeces.

What is it, Simmy?

I think this is absolutely brilliant.

This has never been done before.

But I think if we put a little piece of wire across there like that,

and a little piece of wire across there like that.

I'll tape it on so I can show you.

And then we put it on some dog muck and push down.

It will go into the tube, cos you're putting pressure on it.

But when you lift it up, it will stay inside.

Yeah.

And you can go round it and you can pick up as many dog poos as you like

and they'll all end up in here.

This presumably is for people who are annoyed by it,

to go around and collect it.

Yes.

Or people who have been socially irresponsible.

Or people who just...

Like big dog jobbies on the pavement.

Or people who just genuinely don't like picking up the warm...

Which I'd imagine is most people.

Yeah. Yeah.

If you make it a little notch, I'll get two pieces of nylon.

So you only need the tiniest nick, don't you?

Yeah, a tiny nick, cos this is 0.4 of a millimetre filament.

Do you know what the breaking strain of this is?

A whale.

£20.

It's actually 17 kilos.

So unless we find a Great Dane, it's going to do the job.

You need this very simple mesh... Yeah.

..to be under considerable tension.

Obviously, we couldn't use actual dog poo to test our device.

That would be disgusting.

That's an unwell dog.

Someone's allowed their dog to foul the pavement.

I like the dangly bits!

It wouldn't be authentic without them.

Yeah, come on, you've got to collect all of that poo.

Oh, it's working a treat.

There you see it. OK, it's going to get a bit messy.

Just a bit.

You can see it in the tube, but it's not going to be...

Well, actually, that is a good objection.

It's going to be revolting.

But, to be honest, that's a lot better than having a load of muck

all over your garden or wherever.

What are you going to do when it's full?

Well, you know, like syringes? Yeah.

It comes out the same way it goes in.

So, effectively, a plunger.

A plunger in there, and it goes...

..in one big bag.

It's a real problem, and it does need to be addressed.

Hey, Simmy, I think you might be on to something.

But let's move to the big workshop

and make a marketable version of that.

But before we push on with our prototype,

we have an appointment with God.

Well, a woman called Leslie,

who's heard about our repair services

but couldn't bring what she needs fixing to the pub.

Leslie, hello.

It's so nice to see you.

So, it's a field trip to the local church for us.

The notice board, that's the first thing that anybody sees.

Look at it.

There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with it, though.

First of all, it's extremely tatty and smeared,

and the information is out of date.

What's underneath all that sticky tape?

Services and the vicar.

And they're wrong? Yes.

Can we peel it off and have a look?

Yes, let's do that.

No bishops have been revealed yet, or vicars...

Ooh, some black paint. Whoops.

Oh, that's a good bit.

As you see, it just needs to be revived.

The frame is very brittle.

It's starting to flake.

Well, let me just confer with my fellow men.

Woodwork we can do.

There's a bit of woodwork involved here.

There's a bit of painting,

but there is some quite intricate sign writing,

which I have never done.

Yeah.

That makes two of us, three of us.

Three of us.

May we take the sign off?

Yes. Take it away. Yes.

I mean, we'll need to measure this precisely to make it like for like.

It's a lot less accessible than I thought.

Simmy and Tony, do you have any screwdrivers?

They're very rusty.

They're either Philips or Posidrive.

I think they're Philips.

And there are six of them.

When is it going to be finished?

Well, before you get your new priest, I think.

But what about the bishop at the end of July?

The bishop?

Is there a bishop coming?

As I said, we've got to get it changed.

Be careful not to drop it because it's from the 13th century.

Richard the Lionheart looked at this sign and thought,

that's a bit tatty, they should do something about that.

I think that's it.

Yes, it's off. Ta-da!

For the first time since 1260.

Could you furnish us with the correct wording

and spellings as soon as possible?

I mean, I know how to spell Salisbury and so on.

Yes, yes.

And should it be St James's?

Well, it should, shouldn't it?

It should strictly, as I'm called James and I know this,

it should be James apostrophe S.

Because it's got to be all of James.

Yes, apostrophe S because it's his.

No S.

Can I put it back on the post whilst you decide?

It's really heavy.

Not quite yet, sorry, but it could be St James comma Anstey.

If you really insist, I think you can do that, yes.

Otherwise it looks like there was a saint called St James Anstey,

which I don't believe there was. No.

Shall we keep talking a bit longer

so that Tony has to keep holding the signs?

He's doing very well.

We're going to take that away for you, Leslie,

and we are going to reproduce it in such a way

that you wouldn't notice apart from that the words are all different.

Right, leave that with us and we will be rewarded in heaven.

I hope so. So do I.

Thank you. Thank you.

Lovely to see you. Yes.

See you very soon.

Right, come on, Tony.

Even though repairing this sign will require skills

absent from our toolbox,

as God is my witness, we will prevail.

You rejoin three wise-ish men

heading to my Wiltshire workshop on a holy mission.

We are now ready to make our contribution

to the restoration of St James' Church in Anstey.

If you remember from earlier on in the show,

they needed us to restore the sign,

but actually things have moved on since then.

The debate has gone all the way up to the Salisbury Diocese.

It's gone almost as far as the immortal Invisible himself.

They now want us to replace it.

But it must be like for like and it must have new wording

because that is out of date.

We are doing this in the eyes of God,

but more importantly, in the eyes of Leslie, who's quite fussy.

Tony has an idea of what needs to be done.

It's all built around this board with the type on,

so we need to cut that really accurately

and then we fine-tune the frame around it.

So we need to start from scratch.

Measure twice, cut once.

Tony cuts out the pointed shape from plywood

to create the body of the sign.

Beautiful. Go.

Our oak, Mr Oakley. Yay!

And then he cuts the oak into shorter planks for the frame.

Right. These are ready for you to do dadoes.

Whoa! We're going to do it on the router table? Yeah.

Our dado joint is made by cutting a small groove into the wood.

What depth are you going? 10mm? It's 10mm, yeah.

This U-shaped groove has to be cut very precisely

so that the frames will slot neatly onto our plywood sign.

OK. Yep, mitering.

Then we miter 45-degree edges onto the wood.

And these slanted edges will form a neat join at the top

and give the frame its pointed shape.

Do you want to say a little prayer first?

Oh!

Bit of tape around the apex.

But what we have to do next is produce the lettering.

Despite the vast depth of our combined knowledge,

signwriting isn't something any of us has mastered,

so this part of the process may be a leap of faith.

If you look at the original sign,

it is what typesetters would call gold out of black,

and it is that quite literally,

because we have the new wording,

vinyl cut and self-adhesive, and it's on a fronting sheet.

It's on the front of the lettering.

We paint all of this gold with the gold paint

then we lay the lettering on,

remove the fronting sheet,

paint the whole thing black

and then carefully peel the letters off to reveal the gold.

Shall we try it? Yeah.

I think it'll need two coats, won't it?

It will. Will I give it a rub down?

So you've got two choices here, viewers.

We can all sit together and enjoy watching the paint dry

or we can possibly have a little bit of montaging

then a jump ahead to the exciting moment

where we're putting the lettering on.

The tension in the room is palpable.

All we have is this black infinity

with words hiding in it somewhere.

Peel off the vinyl letters

and we should reveal the gold paint underneath.

Letters pray.

I'm not trying to jinx this or anything,

but the black paint could come off with the vinyl.

The gold paint could come off stuck to the bottom of the vinyl.

I could slip with the scalpel.

I don't want to do it.

Come on!

Quiet, please.

There.

The gold looks strangely inconsistent.

If you get it in the light, it's partly glossed and partly not.

It's really not very crisply defined.

There's bits of bleed, bits of gold have come off.

That's great.

You know what is different about this?

This is not a prototype.

This is a permanent fixture.

We know we can touch bits up.

If everything needs touching up, then I say start again.

I think we didn't let the gold dry for quite long enough.

All the gold's coming off on this letter.

Oh, that's it.

That is N-B-G.

No bloody good.

We rushed it.

Should have given it at least 24 hours per coat, at least.

Leave it, Tony. Walk away from the sign.

We're going to have to start again.

This is worth starting again, then.

Yes, we're disappointed, but we will not be defeated.

So we'll make it better?

Yeah, we can do it.

As the Bible might say,

blessed are the sign writers, for they shall see signs.

And besides, we can't let Leslie down,

so we pick our egos up off the floor and start again.

Tony recuts the sign and we paint the background gold.

We let it dry fully this time

before applying another sheet of laser-cut lettering.

Then all we need to do is paint the top layer black.

Tony is in charge of painting.

Why is Tony in charge of painting?

Because we don't want to do it.

It's that simple.

How do you feel about that, Tony?

Well, it's expected. It's standard practice with these two.

While we wait for the paint to dry,

I reluctantly agree to play a tool-related version

of my favourite game, charades.

They each have to act out a tool from this workshop

and I have to guess what it is.

And you can't... Do I understand this correctly?

You don't act the use of the tool...

You are the tool. You are the tool.

Right, I'll go first. OK.

Ready? Yeah.

OK, I've got it. I mean, no, I haven't got it.

It goes round and round when you wind a handle.

Is it the rotary table from my milling machine?

Oh, no! It's in this room.

That bit was a big clue.

That bit was that bit.

Is it the hand drill? Yeah.

Well, what's that sticky out bit? That's the handle!

Yeah, but the handle doesn't go round and round with the drill.

No, I know, but... The handle stays stationary.

I know, but I can't actually do that

and stay still and turn at the same time.

I've got a better one.

OK, Tony, your tool.

Rabbit.

Router bit.

Well, router table, yeah. Router table, OK.

Which colour?

Anybody else going to have a go? Yes.

Right, take the centre of the stage.

Is it the ultrasonic cleaner?

Yeah!

Yes!

And the thing, the box that you get, you've got to put it into.

OK, somebody else, anybody else want to go?

Ethan. Yeah.

It's a magic trick.

Squeezy clamp.

Well, yeah, yeah.

I was the G, I was the G, and I was coming up...

OSC, well done.

Go on, then.

Oh, look how excited he is!

Do you like charades?

Ready? Yeah.

Are you a tape measure? No!

So, a part of it extends and then goes down,

but the tool doesn't actually bend, but you bend because you're human.

Yes.

Have you two got any idea?

No clue!

Literally no clue.

OK, say it.

Stanley knife.

So that's the blade extending? Yes.

But it went forwards as well?

No, that was just me trying to do it from a different angle,

so you could see it from the other way.

Do you feel a bit like you should have got that?

Cos you feel a bit like that, don't you? No.

I'm just sitting here feeling eternally grateful

I don't have to spend Christmas with you.

It's an honest romance.

Game over, thankfully, and paint dry,

it's time to see if our church sign mark 2 has worked.

That looks good. That bit's good.

That looks brilliant.

That's very satisfying.

Success at last.

All that's left to do is finish off the wooden frame...

..neaten a few edges...

I'm just making sure the corner of this,

the inner edge, is absolutely square with no fluff in it.

..and package it all up to send to some professionals

for quality control and weatherproofing.

Then we can return it to Leslie...

..and the other St James.

You join us in the beautiful countryside of Wiltshire,

ready to tackle the enormous problem of uncollected dog poo.

Having established the design of what we're calling the Poop Chute

with our proof-of-concept model...

I like the dangly bits!

..we now need to scale up our prototype, ready for use in the wild.

The Poop Chute has to be usable from a standing position.

So it's the same sort of tube, we're going to make a longer version,

we're going to make a more secure mesh on the end

and we're going to make a piston that slides inside it

so that when it's full of dog's eggs,

you go to the poo bin or whatever they have in the park,

you simply press the plunger, out it comes, back to the beginning.

We're going to have to do some machining of plastics,

which is not something I'm very familiar with.

We've got a variety here.

We think this one will make a series of collars

around the outside of the tube, which will have two functions.

One is to strengthen it, the other is to act as clamps for the wire mesh.

And then this one, which I think is a nylon of some sort,

will be used to make the piston that slides inside.

And then we have another bit.

It's PVC.

PVC.

And I think these should machine OK on the lathe as if they were metals,

but to be honest, I don't know, so let's find out.

Noisy motor.

It's a very noisy motor.

We start off by making the rings that go around the outside of the Poop Chute.

I've removed a tiny bit.

OK.

Ta-da!

I would finish that by hand.

Would you? Yeah. Go on, then.

Are you a dog person? I don't have a dog.

I did have a cat. I'm afraid he died a bit back.

Aw. Well, a month or so ago.

You've got a cat and a dog, haven't you?

I've got two cats, one dog. There you go.

So you like cats and dogs.

It's allowed to like cats and dogs, it's allowed to like beer and wine.

The interesting thing about cats, though,

you don't have to clear up their mess.

No, you don't.

Somebody else has to. Yeah.

When I was very small, we had a yellow Labrador that I used to sit on

cos it was big and it loved me, that dog.

So I used to be able to sit on him and he'd give me rides around the kitchen

and I used to sleep with him in his basket as well.

My mum used to find me asleep with the dog.

He was great.

Next, Tony and I begin work on the piston

that will plunge the poop out of the chute.

So I'm going to make it that big.

Might have to finish that off with a hacksaw.

I'm going to hold the hacksaw whilst it spins and it's going to finish...

No, no, not while it spins. Oh!

There you go. Thank you.

Have you done it? Aye.

Sim and Tony move on to fitting the piston to the rod.

We have ourselves a fully-fledged plunger.

That is beautiful.

Finally, they fashion a handle.

And that's a... Job well done. Job well done, mate.

And our poop chute is ready for action.

Oh, it's very...

Sim!

Well, almost.

It's cracked there as well. Both ends are...

Did it by any chance roll off the bench and onto the floor?

It did. It's funny, that. Circular things do that.

They do. Quite a lot.

While Sim clears up the mess he's made...

I'll take the blame.

..I head to the pub to meet executive producer Will...

..who thinks he's spotted a problem with the simple art of conversation

and he's had an idea of how to fix it.

I think it's nonsense, but anyway,

I'll allow Will to explain what it is he thinks.

The idea is simple. It is to equalise a conversation.

So if the two of us are having a conversation,

we should have equal time for that whole conversation.

So neither of us dominates,

but also neither of us can just be a passenger in that conversation.

So when you have speed chess games,

you have a clock and you have the same amount of time and you have your go

and then you press the clock and the other person has a go,

I'm suggesting we do that for conversation.

Shall we try it? We haven't got a chess clock.

Oh, you've got games covered in the pub.

Do we have a chess clock?

Oh, look, there's an arm. Right.

So three minutes each. I'm going to start. Are you ready?

One of the worst ideas you've ever had, Will.

So I talk now. You can either interject and press the thing

or if I feel that you're wandering off and you're not really listening to me,

I will press my clock and then you will have to talk,

which is what I'm going to do.

So you're now forcing me to talk,

even though I was quite interested to see what you said next.

And you notice I didn't say anything whilst you were talking.

I didn't interject, which I normally do.

So already we're having a civilised conversation.

The tyranny of the chess clock does not make this particularly civilised

because you've decided that you've finished talking

and I may have nothing to say.

What if I just wanted to say yes, Will?

So this is the natural rhythm of our conversations.

I'm talking more and you're talking less.

However, by pressing this, you'll have to talk.

I will, yes.

You're trying to get me to use up my time and I will not fall for it.

You've rumbled me.

This is interesting, you are making conversation a tactical game.

No, I'm just trying to get you to the end of your time, so you shut up.

I think there should be an extra rule,

which is you have to speak for five seconds minimum before you press the clock.

In what way would this conversation not have worked without the clock?

You can't interrupt, I'm finished.

There you go.

Because only one of us can speak at a time and it's great.

So I get to say what I wanted to say

and now I'll hand over to you for you to have your say.

So you're saying in the whole history of human interaction,

going all the way back, we can go to the Egyptians, the Babylonians.

They've all just been talking over each other because nobody's had a chess clock.

I don't believe that.

You can't interrupt if I...

You can't talk.

I press the thing, we're now on my time.

I can interrupt and I have, I've got ten seconds to go.

Is this, OK, oh no.

So I'm just going to finish by saying, James,

this has been a wonderful conversation.

I'm going to leave you with your 21 seconds

and thank you so much for listening to me.

I can honestly say that, and the bar is very low,

that's one of the worst conversations I've ever had with you.

So you won the conversation.

But you don't win conversations.

I don't think anyone won this.

Apparently, the verdict is in, there were no winners in this conversation.

Do you think there is some merit in the conversational clock?

No.

And from the ridiculous to the sublime.

As we accompany our new and improved church sign

on its final pilgrimage back to the parish.

This sign has been a great travail.

And we thought it would actually be fairly straightforward,

a bit of woodwork, a bit of sign writing.

But the trouble is, everything else we make on this show is a prototype.

This is permanent.

This could be here for hundreds of years,

long after we've gone.

And it's in my neighbourhood, so people will hold me responsible.

God will hold me responsible.

It's all right for Tony, he'll have buggered off back to Liverpool.

And anyway, he's a Sikh.

We do not serve God as labourers in expectation of our wages.

However, we do serve Lesley.

Are you ready?

Oh, that's fantastic!

It really is absolutely brilliant!

Thank you.

Oh, that's absolutely marvellous.

Have little halos appeared over our heads?

Oh, indeed!

Radiant Nimbus.

That is really, really outstanding.

You have control?

I have.

Thank you, thank you.

We were worried you'd think it was too shiny and contemporary.

You know, the church in the 21st century and all that, isn't it?

Exactly.

And waterproof.