Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.BZ

A FILM MADE WITH THE SUPPORT OF GOD

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.BZ

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS IS PURELY INTENTIONAL/COINCIDENTAL.

- Hit him, shut him up! - Calm down!

Everyone!

That's me. In the backseat, on the left.

I'm crashing at 150 km/h.

I have 1.5 seconds until impact.

But my fall didn't begin now. It began over a month ago.

This is Doina, the woman of my life.

The woman who convinced me

that if you have the right neighbors, you don't need enemies.

And these are her neighbors.

Starting today, their lives will change forever.

The crazy woman is gone!

The success of a party is measured by how many police cars show up.

Four Logans arrived here with ten heavily armed officers

with beer, cake, confetti, good mood and everything.

The crazy woman has moved out!

- Moved out! - Moved out!

One man's joy is another man's sorrow.

Because evil does not disappear, evil just moves to another block.

Talk to the neighbor to take the washing machine away.

I find it very useful.

Put a flower pot on it, and it looks fabulous.

It increases the value of the building. I would definitely keep it.

Fix it so that the doctor won't see it when she comes visit.

- Hello! - Doina Moldovan, your downstairs neighbor.

- Welcome! - Is everything okay? I heard noises.

Everything's fine. How are you?

I hope you feel comfortable in our building.

Then please don't slam the door.

Sure. Have a nice day!

You've done it again.

By my standards, it was a normal door close.

Normal is when we don't disturb others.

Okay, sure. Thank you.

Yes?

- See? It's possible! - Yes, it's possible.

What a cute dog! What's its name?

- His name is Dobby. - Dobby, could you please be quiet?

- He's just a dog. - An ill-mannered dog.

- Uncle Popică, enjoy your retirement! - Yeah...

- Invite me to a barbecue! - Talk to you soon.

Good morning!

Yoga will be my life, believe me!

Right... She always fancied one like you.

I would go and help her if I were you.

Be my guest! I'm not helping her, I'm not a fool.

- The lion doesn't help. - Got it.

- Hey! - Hi!

- She said hi to me. - Hell no! She said hi to me.

Cut it!

Be serious! She's into men, not boys.

- Boys, can you help me out? - Right away.

Look how fast the lion is running!

Gicu!

This is yours. Forget about getting in!

- It's started... - Good luck!

Good luck, my ass!

Leave me alone, I'm tired.

Of course you're tired. You've been drinking all night.

Oh dear!

You only retire once.

What are you retiring from? What have you been doing all your life?

You played cards and drank on the state's money.

I'm going to bed.

No! You're not going anywhere. Come here!

- What? - Where's your phone?

Why isn't your phone on when your wife calls you?

Who the hell is at the door?

No!

- What the hell are you doing here, Doina? - I live here.

- No way. - Yes way.

- How can you stay here? - I have papers.

I moved into apartment 14. We're neighbors.

Two thoughts crossed Popică's mind.

One, I've screwed up! And two, my wife is in trouble too.

- What's all this fuss about? - How the hell should I know?

Maybe my wife knows more about it.

Marcela, a lady is looking for you!

Who? What is it?

I'll leave you two alone.

Please stop yelling like that, if possible.

Who are you?

Who parked their car in my spot? Come and move it right now!

If I catch you again, I'll see you in court.

What a powerful and radiant look you have today!

Let's go outside and enjoy this wonderful day!

What do you say?

Spare me the tired lines! So, which one of you?

I'm sorry.

You park your car two meters from the gym and you want to lose weight?

I told her she could park here.

I didn't see the plate with the car's number.

I didn't see your divorce papers and everyone knows you're divorced.

- Excuse me?! - Why put so much tape on it?

- Do you know how much this car costs? - I haven't gotten into your personal life.

But you took my parking spot!

I'm sorry. We need to peel it off...

Very good. Hurry up now!

- Please, stop hitting the car! - Leave immediately.

- Get in the car now! - In a sec.

- Can't you hear? Get on now! - Calm down, ma'am!

- Just be patient! - Enough!

Wait a minute, we need to peel it off...

- I'm calling the police! - Understood, please wait...

Please come inside!

Go, go!

Go, go!

Go, go!

Yes...

These pants would look great on you.

Wow! I can see you in them.

Are you going to a funeral? Come take a look at the colorful ones!

I'm a music producer, I make music too. I work here to gather inspiration...

I'll be the beast and you will be very beautiful in this dress.

Nah, it's ugly.

These are kind of old-fashioned...

Can I have your phone number?

No?

Let's arm wrestle.

If I beat you, you go out with me.

Let's think, what can math do for us?

Nothing!

You're exaggerating. Math is everywhere.

You go to the store and you have to buy milk, eggs, and cheese.

- How do you add that up? - We'll pay by phone in 2025.

Here is another example!

- Do you know slot machines or roulette? - Yes!

Good. Let me teach you a trick.

- You want to make money, right? - Yes, we do!

Let's say we have the roulette here.

- How many numbers are there on the wheel? - 36 and 0.

Good. What shall we do with 100 lei?

We'll invest a little. We're calculating...

Hello!

Hello!

Ah, roulette...

I was explaining to the children how bad roulette is. Roulette = poop.

Mathematically they have no chance of winning. They're losing their money.

- Will you still play roulette? - No!

Perfect! I think I've done my job.

I don't think I should hear every time you pee.

By the way, you've been six times today. You need to see a doctor.

You mean I shouldn't pee anymore? Is that what you mean?

I say you should stop peeing while standing up.

Sit nicely on the toilet seat. Do I have to teach you?

We live in an apartment building, the walls are thin.

You can hear it throughout the entire building.

Hello!

Please tell your wife to stop setting the hood on level 3.

It's making the whole building shake!

I meet many couples who can't have children.

And my first question is who is the man in their relationship.

If the man has a feminine energy,

the woman is forced to assume masculine energy.

So how could she possibly get pregnant?

Do you have an appointment?

- No, I don't. - I'm sorry, it's not possible.

And if it's an emergency?

Let me explain.

It's not possible without an appointment.

I have an envelope for you.

Follow me.

What... what's the problem?

I have a growing problem.

A problem that grows by 10% every second.

And it's serious.

What do you mean... exactly?

Blood pressure.

I mean, the blood isn't circulating and it's... blocked.

- Are you expecting other patients? - No.

I'll be right back.

- Are you walking around in high heels? - No, I'm wearing these.

- My wife is wearing heels, indeed. - It's very loud. Please.

Sure. I'll take off her heels and put her on all fours...

She'll be wearing kneecaps, of course...

I'll go fix the problem. I'll leave you now...

- Who was that? - Someone looking for the psychiatrist.

How about we pretend we're at the library, and do it more quietly.

So you can hear the heartbeat...

how my heart beats for you.

Not that loud, okay? We're in the library.

Come on, you guys! Go, go!

Are you enjoying it?

Come on, you guys suck.

Come in! It's open.

- 55 decibels. - Yeah.

What is this, a disco?

Why are you quacking at me, Mrs. Donald Duck?

We live in a condominium, not in the woods.

You can't do whatever you want!

- Are you afraid of hunting? - Please.

I'm going to change the pace a little. You came here feeling tense...

- Please come back here! - Just a moment.

Let's see what Mrs. Siren is after. Please, tell us!

According to Law 61/1991,

unlawful disturbance of the peace of residents by any object

constitutes a misdemeanor and is punishable by a fine.

Amazing! What a magnificent flow!

You must have been a theater actress.

You are extraordinarily passionate.

You're kidding me.

Hold on. The way you said it!

This is the moment I've been waiting for my whole life. Don't go!

Wait!

- Say it now. - You're kidding me.

- You're kidding me. - Pure gold!

How do you like it?

Things won't stay this way, Mr. Mureșan.

You're right, we need to master your voice as well,

with a lower pitch.

Hang on!

You should have warned me.

I kindly asked you to be quiet.

Coming.

- Professor. - Math teacher.

I kindly ask you to stop this nonsense.

Two more minutes to finish. Anything else?

The whole building can hear you. Have you no shame?

I am a little ashamed.

Imagine coming home to have sex with my wife.

I mean, don't imagine me having sex. I guess you've had sex before and...

If you have. You did have a little sex, didn't you?

If you didn't, it's no big deal.

I'm not into sex either, my wife makes me do it.

If it were up to me... every few months.

I have expectations of you.

My wife also has some expectations of me, but you're kind of sabotaging me.

That's why it doesn't really work, because you... and my wife...

It's my apartment. I'm allowed to have a bit of sex.

- The apartment belongs to the bank. - And have sex with the bank?

And if you want to be nasty, I can file a complaint to the School Inspectorate,

that in this apartment illegal tutoring is taking place.

- I don't think you want that. - Indeed, that's not what I want.

I want us to be friends. Do you want that?

I agree with what you're saying.

You tell me, I'll do it.

That sounds like a good deal to me.

We can start with a hug. May I give you a hug?

Sorry about the chest hair. Can I hug you?

I can't believe it. The librarian thing was for her!

- It was for us. - Do you really think I'm stupid?

What's next? Ask her permission to have sex with your wife?

You're exaggerating.

- No, I'll go talk to her. - I'll go.

- Are you? - Yes, I'll go like this.

Okay, go ahead.

Tell me how you want me to scold her. You want me to start off nice

or go hard and knock some sense into her?

Hard will be!

Good evening, teacher!

Oh, teacher!

Doina, it's not okay. You think I'm a fool.

Do I look like a loser?

- Teacher... - Do you want me to be a man?

Be that kind of man? I can do it.

Just let me know in advance what you want to do and for how long.

No way.

I'm very open.

It's not okay for me to make a written request, the undersigned...

For three minutes? That's it.

- Not really. - Then tell me.

The request can also be verbal.

For example, tomorrow...

during the course of tomorrow, between 6:30 and 7 p.m.,

I want to carry out some nasty activities.

No, that doesn't suit me.

Please listen to me. Honestly, if you don't...

Are you even coming back?

I can sleep on the couch, but let me just tell you I was harsh.

I didn't make her cry, but I felt sorry for her.

- Are you kidding me? - Come on, man, seriously?!

The cops are here!

Ouch! Damn it!

Good evening!

- Good evening! Officer David. - Petty Officer Marius.

Good evening!

We received a complaint.

The noise level in this apartment is well above an acceptable level.

Your ID.

Excuse me, I'm in a bit of a mess right now.

- Are you okay? - Yes, I am.

My favorite character in the soap opera died...

But I have a request. Can we talk as colleagues?

Are you an officer too?

Yes, I'm a security guard at a clothing store.

So we're colleagues, so to speak.

What's that smell?

The service weapon went off.

The service weapon... went off...

- For coming here, the fine is... - 1,500 lei.

- Please. - 750 lei if you pay within 48 hours.

You're making me cry.

They're doing drugs. There's loud music...

- She's paranoid. - Please.

Ma'am, let us do our job.

I went to school for this.

Please, stop it.

Since this is your first offense, you get a warning.

Thank you very much.

Ma'am, this is his final warning.

All right, clear.

- Are you OK? Have they left? - Yes.

- We'll be back. - We're not coming back.

- You're lucky I'm not beating you up! - Hey, wait, where are you going? Hey!

We've known each other for 14 years, she's afraid of me.

If I want to, I can put her in jail.

I don't know about you guys... but I'll manage.

But are you still getting along with Marcela?

Cut it out, man.

Is your gun still working?

I'm afraid of Doina.

What if she sends the tax office and the police after me?

I have a shipping container of goods, tracksuits, and watches.

- Now you're saying? - Leave me alone...

You're the boss. How can you be afraid?

- Don't you have a size 52 tracksuit? - I do.

For my mother-in-law. With a target on the chest.

Spare me your bad jokes.

Gambling and consuming alcohol in public spaces.

- Good evening! - Good evening!

This isn't gambling, it's science, Doina.

ID card, please.

I'm surprised you don't know me. Are you really making me call?

Take the ID, it's OK.

You can call whoever you want.

Who's your captain now?

Call whoever you want. We're not interested in these matters.

- Are you fining us for this beer? - That's the law.

- Sign here, please. - You sign it.

Come on, give me my ID card.

- You don't want to sign? - You understand that I don't.

I have noted that you do not wish to sign. Neither do you.

Maybe you have work to do and we're keeping you.

- Good evening! - Goodbye, all the best!

Doina, have you gone mad?

If the fine isn't enough, step two is jail.

What?

I'm sorry.

Oh, no!

Go to Mihai Românul Street For an intervention.

100 lei from each, for elevator repair.

- Do you all agree? - Yes...

First of all, this meeting is illegal.

From my point of view, it is legal. I have nothing on me, you can check.

The meeting is only legal if we have a quorum.

Would you like some chocolate? I have Milka.

What the hell is a quorum?

Half plus one of the number of apartments.

- Let's be human too. - You want us to hold an illegal meeting?

Let's grow cocaine in the stairwell!

I want that!

Cocaine?

If you don't end this meeting, I will file a criminal complaint

for forgery and use of forged documents and forming an organized criminal group.

Ms. Doina, where can we do it?

We reschedule it according to the law, in ten working days.

What do you mean, ten days?

What about the elevator?

Take the stairs, lose some belly fat.

She needs a beating.

Pardon me, what do you want to do?

- We're talking. Are we allowed to talk? - Not here.

- Where else? - Come on out!

Tell us where!

Let's go outside to talk.

I'll never give her chocolate again!

Let's talk!

Do you have approval from city hall?

This is a public gathering, you need a permit.

Don't you need a permit from your mother?

I think we can talk here.

How did we end up meeting in public places, like terrorists?

Don't you understand that I know her best?

I've known her for 14 years!

She lived in Fanfare Street. Do you know what they call it now?

Silence Street!

She's crazy, she's nuts, she's a maniac. She has 500 lawsuits pending.

Why do you think we don't have a subway in Cluj? Hm?

Exactly. Because she's harassed all those Nepalese people,

until they all got angry and went back to their country.

Doina is dividing us and that's how she can win.

That's what happens.

So we have to be united.

Everything that moves in our building, the light, the elevator, and the meter

is our friend only to us and they are all Doina's enemy.

- Together united. - United.

Okay, let's unite!

I'm joining you.

Come on!

We have reached the inevitable moment when we have to create a WhatsApp group.

- Can I have your phone number? - Sure.

What's your Instagram?

Are you ready?

3, 2, 1, noise!

Stop!

There she is!

Why did it take you so long to get here?

Where's the noise?

Until two minutes ago, it was a disaster. You're too late.

A 1,000 lei fine for false reporting.

How is it false, sir? They were all yelling at once.

Drill, screams! That's impossible!

What kind of police are you?

Getting here in 100 years!

- Are you kidding me? - Have a nice day!

Don't tell me what kind of day to have.

Wait and listen for a moment!

Look, look!

Wait a minute, please!

Hello! Hey!

Fuck your electricity.

Didn't pay your bill?

Get out of here!

Go see what's wrong with it! You're the building manager.

What are you doing, sweetie? Are you lost?

Come to mommy!

Done!

Go ahead, Mrs. Doina.

What would you like?

I want to live in harmony with my family.

Which family?

You. You are my family.

Isn't it a shame to argue?

I admit that I have exaggerated from time to time.

I propose that we respect and understand each other.

Let's start from scratch!

I am for peace.

But let's start from scratch!

What peace?

I answered your calls for 14 years!

Are you crazy?

She's crying. Just look at her!

Look into her eyes, she's a human being, too.

We're sorry.

Not me.

I swear. They had the window wide open.

Bang, bang, bang! He was doing her so hard.

I didn't know what to do. Film them, put some music on...

I saw them. So this is what happens.

We live in a neighborhood that deals with making babies.

It's all right.

- Wel, I don't want children. - No?

Very well.

I wasn't going to do it for you anyway.

I was just kidding.

Miss Doina!

Such pure energy you have today!

Where can I change?

Very well, Mrs. Doina.

- Is it OK for me too? - Yes, very good.

Inhale... Exhale...

A rat!

Wait a sec!

Oh, no!

Look, it's out there.

Wait! Wait!

Do you have rats in your yoga class?

What's going on here?

What's going on?

- I'm cleaning up, because it looks like... - Like what?

Like a circus, like a pigsty, like a barn, like a forest, like what?

Yeah.

This is my "caveman," you know? That's my manly cave.

It's my cave.

We don't clean here, we don't vacuum, we don't wipe glasses.

Come on, just go!

- Are you kicking me out? - Yes. Do it!

I came here to get you some fresh air.

It's not that I don't have anything to do.

Take care of you, make you feel...

- Come on, don't be sad! - And you're scolding me for that...

- Want to go out? - When was the last time we went out?

- I'll take you out now. - When was the last time you touched me?

Don't start with that now!

When was the last time we had sex?

- Don't you want to take it step by step? - I do want to take it step by step.

- Which step do you want to start with? - Let's go out first.

- We go out, then sex, then... - Where are you taking me?

Leroy? I need to get a bag of nails.

Aren't you ashamed?

Then the pastry shop.

You've got it fixed now...

- Come on, you like cream. - I like Leroy's too, but...

- It's on the way. - Well, it's on the way...

You're rude.

Get changed and let's go!

You get changed, man!

- Into what? - Into something better.

- Really? - Yes!

- Now that I am retired? - Just shut up.

Get changed and let's go!

Sex...

"Attention, teacher on the second floor.

We don't want to hear sexual moans, even if it only lasts two minutes.

Thank you for your understanding."

- Hello, teacher! - Hello!

You suck.

Why did you put up this poster?

You put it there just to humiliate me.

You wanted to humiliate me.

Since you moved in, we've only had sex once, for two minutes.

Why are you acting like this with me? I've been nice to you.

Why?

I promise. I can forgive you...

I'll get over it if you're patient for an hour tonight.

- You want to do those nasty things? - No.

Tonight we have guests to talk to normally.

- Do you want to do nasty with the guests? - Not with the guests.

I'll tell you the truth. My wife's bosses are coming.

They're paying us a visit.

We want to show that we are a normal family in a normal building.

Here is a peace offering from me. I really want us to get along.

Please.

Let's come to an agreement.

If you speak nicely, I have no objection.

- Perfect. Have a good evening! - Good evening!

I'm here with the demolition.

- What demolition? - The garage.

- Which garage? - This one.

- Why? - Orders from the mayor.

He received hundreds of complaints from a lady.

Lawsuits, threats. That's the end.

- Which lady? - I don't know.

Where are you going? Let's talk.

- I have work to do, sir. - Work?

I've worked with the police for many years and we never do anything.

I have an announcement.

I appreciate Maria so much!

She's discreet, she's responsible and doesn't get into conflicts.

I've decided to recommend you as the national sales manager.

Wow! Thank you so much!

You deserve it!

Where the hell is that match?

Sex scandal in an apartment building. Neighbors claim they can no longer...

Give me...

Are you jumping on me? Take the remote out of my hand?

- Let me put the game on. - Done!

A math teacher is accused of having overly noisy sex.

- You're a math teacher. - Me?

I'm not a math teacher. Nicușor is a math teacher.

Wouldn't you rather watch a movie or put on some music?

- No. - Come on, it's interesting.

... if they have no decency.

Every night they yell like animals, they have a program of nasty matters.

We have children in the building. Is that even possible?

I know that crazy woman!

She was at our bank and caused a scene.

- Someone's knocking on the door. - Our door?

I appreciate you watching me on TV, but please turn it down.

Sure, we would appreciate it if you left us alone.

- Excuse me? - No, thank you. Go away!

- Let's slow down and calm down. - Calm your wife down.

What did you say? Get her out of here!

If you could not yell like you do every night, that would be great.

- We are not animals in heat. - Aren't you ashamed, you vulgar cow?

That's that crazy woman from TV.

Sorry. Good evening!

What do you mean, good evening? Are you being rude again?

- Get out! - Keep kissing ass!

- Are you crazy? - I'm sorry.

Are you feeling sick?

Andrei, come on!

If I were you, I'd give her a good punch.

We're leaving now. We'll see each other again, but in other places.

We'll talk about the promotion some other time.

I want to be sure that I'm making the best decision.

- What about the match? - Let's go!

Enough playing around! Are you idiots? We need to get down to business.

- Do you want me to kill her? - Yes!

I'll kill her.

- Stop playing with the gun! - It's OK, it's not real.

Let him play.

Focus a little. Do you know why she's like that?

- How? - Just like that.

- That she's stupid? - Very stupid.

Her mother is stupid.

No. She's not loved.

- In what sense? - She doesn't have sex.

Sex.

- I will nominate Popică. - What?

- Are you guys stupid? - Come on, you're a cool guy.

Stop it! She's not my type.

- That mustache... - Your mother is my type.

If you like my mom, try Doina too.

But I can't, I only have your mother on my mind.

She loves you, she moved into this building for you.

Fuck her!

- Popică, you're the manliest man here. - Thanks, but she's not fuckable.

OK, I understand. Nobody fucks her.

But she's moveable. That means she can be moved.

I know a guy...

You're an idiot!

Is it loaded?

- I'm bleeding. - I'm sorry.

Are you stupid?

It went right over your head.

I didn't know it was loaded, I'm sorry.

Are we moving her or not?

I have an idea.

I was thinking that maybe the two of us could go out somewhere.

- Where do you want to take me? - To Central Park.

- In New York? - Here in Cluj, until we get the visa.

Hello, people!

- Godfather, take the kite and put it back. - Take care.

Hello!

Welcome, Mr. Ian!

- Tina. - Tina, the lady who brings light.

Hello, I am Haurențiu.

- Andrei! - All the best to you.

My rays of sunshine! Quickly up there, there may be work and we're holding back.

Let us show you.

Brought from the pyramids of Egypt,

this furniture was made from rosewood.

I waited for it for a long time, but it was worth it.

Here, if you pick this up,

you get the president of America or Russia, it depends.

If something happens and disappears from the house, you can see it here.

So we can see why it is gone.

- Nice coffin. - Is it a coffin?

I asked the designer about it.

If I may still show you upstairs, our 18 bedrooms.

Aren't you ashamed?

No, just making the tour beautiful. You've already confused me.

Let's sit down, please.

But don't crowd in there like hamsters. There's room here.

Not for you, you were sitting just fine.

The princess.

Sit here, the light is shining on your face.

Tell me.

We have a crazy neighbor and we want to make her move out.

Let her go. Let's never see her again. Let her disappear.

It's as good as done. This has been done many times.

What is the budget?

The thing is, we don't really have a budget.

I don't really have the energy to listen to you anymore.

Wait...

Can't you give us a special price?

For you and those dimples I've already fallen in love with,

5,000 euros.

I'm coming with the kids, I'll bring my mother-in-law, our relatives, our animals,

we put up a tent, make a fire, smoke comes out, we do choreography.

- She'll move a hundred to a thousand. - That's 10%.

That means she's definitely leaving, young man.

Less than certain, now he's overcompensating.

Do you want us to fix it or...?

That's the price. That's it, 5,000. He's an artist.

Mr. Ian knows.

Shall we take it from the building capital?

We don't have any money. I thought you'd get something out of it.

You'll be famous, you'll be on the news.

Doina is crazy. When she moves, everyone will know, she'll be on TV.

Young man with the mustache, you don't want to end up on the news.

Some math tutoring for your children.

They know enough. They don't need more.

I can make the kids some radio beats for their radio station.

It's trendy now.

"Tucci and Stanley Tucci caught a cold and acted smoochy."

I don't like this music. Sorry, your offer doesn't suit me.

- Okay, guys, let's go! - Hold on a second, let's finish the idea.

Why are you so upset, ma'am? You're acting like a wife.

Let me make another offer, please.

We'll do something special, 100 euros.

- Now we can talk. - That's more like a royal deal.

Coffee.

Coffees...

Fresh coffee made by the "freshness" of my life.

Please give me your phone number.

Aren't you ashamed of yourself?

I need the phone number so I can send you the 100-euro course.

The course, the link, WhatsApp for the masterclass.

What?

Did you think that for 100 euros I would actually come to educate you!

For 100 euros, I'll send a link,

click on it and watch the masterclass video.

It's pre-recorded.

For 100 euros, with registration, I won't get off my horse... my mare.

Bahtale! Thank you for visiting Haurențiu's channel.

The first masterclass is effective,

the neighbor moved...

This steam cleaner works so well!

Does it clean everything?

Why is it so dirty?

Hey, stop it! Play attention to the course!

- So, shall we get started? - Sure, but what model is this vaporizer?

Seriously, who's in charge?

I'll buy it.

Let's start again.

Focus a little!

Watch the screen!

Step number 1. Most effective in 90% of cases.

It is inexpensive, effective, and readily available.

Biological warfare... physiological.

So, who's in charge?

- That's a lot. - Depending on how much we drink.

Satan has left hell.

The timer has started, you have 7.5 minutes.

Roger, weapon loaded.

- Good. Galati is on the move. - What Galați? Just go and do it!

Galați, because the Danube flows through there and...

Are you crazy? Just go!

I wanted to tell you something else.

I love you, but I love Tina too.

All right, but go already!

Don't push me! My gun is unloading.

Just go!

Oh dear, such violent people!

Okay, I'm here.

Come on, are you doing it? Do it already!

I just I can't do it now.

I can't do it.

Wait, I'll help you.

Turn on the cold water!

- Do it already! - Turn on the cold water.

Got it, hold on a sec.

Done.

Check it with your fingers.

I checked. Oh, it's so cold!

Good...

Think about being a kid and wetting the bed.

- What are you doing there? - Nothing right now.

- You, do you really... - Yes, if you let me.

I had to. Who said it had to be you?

The... anti-Doina movement.

- Move away! - I drank five beers for this.

I don't need training.

It's starting.

The Danube has started flowing.

Galați and Brăila. Yellow alert for precipitation.

Just a moment, let me sign it off.

Hey, you hit the viewfinder.

Let me try that, too.

I did it all the way up.

Well done!

It was definitely him!

He's high as a kite.

It was definitely him!

Ma'am, we're here to collect evidence, not to clean your doorstep, okay?

Is this noise going to last much longer? I'm trying to work.

I'm an artist, I need calm, quiet, and balance.

In prison, that's where you belong.

Did you see anything suspicious?

I saw something suspicious.

This lady, when she goes in and out through the door, she's super suspicious.

Outrage! He's making fun of you.

But what happened?

Someone urinated on her door, and now we're looking for the culprit.

Just so you know, it's probably a hoax.

I think she peed there, on her own door.

Yes, you peed on the door

and you blame us, the whole building.

In a few days the lab results will be back

and we'll find out who did this.

Very well. And when will you have them?

In two or three days.

Very well...

Excuse me for asking, when the test results be ready,

let's say there are several hooligans who peed on that door,

do the tests come out for everyone or separately?

- Are you scared? - Yes, I am.

If I were you, I'd pee a little on myself.

What if they find your DNA there?

You could end up on the yellow list.

It depends on how they get it. Not the signature, I hope.

You did your signature or your real name?

I wrote IAN.

I think you wrote ION.

Do we have anyone named Ion in the building?

- No, I mean it dripped. - Yeah.

Well, it's still an A.

Is there incitement to urinate?

I mean, if someone incited him to pee, does that count as incitement to urinate?

We don't even know each other well. Do you know my last name?

You don't know my last name.

You don't even know who I am.

I NEED A BREAK... PLEASE DON'T COME AFTER ME!

That's why I came to the only person who can understand me.

Hey, what are you talking about?

Did you listen to me? I told you that Maria left.

She'll be coming back.

How can you be so sure?

You are a teacher. You don't drink, you don't smoke, you don't beat her.

Where else can she find someone as stupid as you?

Okay, thanks. Thanks a lot!

Be more strict!

You let yourself go after her and look where you ended up.

- Can you pray for me a little? - I'll pray and she'll back home.

But can you keep her from leaving again?

- Okay, Grandma, thank you for everything. - Where are you going? Sit down there!

- Why? - Well, I'll cook this chicken for you.

- How long will it take? - Two hours.

Stay there, don't get on my nerves!

- Can I wash the dishes? - No need, I already did it.

- Come on! - Count it yourself!

Never mind, you counted it seven times.

It's all our money. Be careful!

You are investing it well.

Just a sec.

What are you doing? Insta pic? Putting me on TV with the Tax guy?

He's not on duty today.

Go, you may have work to do.

Can you give us a receipt?

Un récit? Très bon...

In French, monsieur. Très bien.

Solve it? But haven't I always solved it?

Go, you may have work to do and I'm keeping you here.

I'll make her move so you can't see her anymore.

Oh my!

That's life in the apartment building

With a neighbor like her There's no place to live

Get a ticket, they're going to fine us

Doina is driving us crazy...

From Liana, 800 lei.

For Doina, Doina, Doina...

Oh, oh, my heart! The cops are coming again!

Another fine for us

Because Doina reported us

I think we can put one or two rotisserie spits here.

Well done, son-in-law, we are a big family.

Here I'll hang the hooks for the bacon, sausages, and hams.

We'll just take these two apartments, the lady at the back doesn't want to sell.

We'll knock down the wall between them, we make an open space, big, cool, awesome,

let the horse in, we'll make it just right.

We'll take out the toilet, make the back nice and tidy there, let it flow down.

- We'll cover it with plywood. - Sure.

- No plywood, but marble! - We'll use marble.

- Are you a plywood guy? - You're right, father-in-law!

That's a gas pipe.

Good day to you, ma'am!

Make way, the president lady is coming back.

What's going on?

We're your neighbors, the nice new families, who have just moved in here.

Sorry for the inconvenience, we'll be quick.

Take the tent from the yard and wipe off what you put on the door handle.

Hello, Mrs. Doina!

It's time for a walk and a horseback ride.

Then we'll put the horse into the living room because it's windy.

Oh, beautiful spring...

It was a yoga studio.

The best studio. Ask everyone.

- Why did you close it? - I didn't have time for it anymore.

But it was going very well.

- How about your neighbors? - Our neighbors?

Hi! How's the little one doing? God bless!

We're like a family here. Everyone is united.

We do things together. We eat... barbecues... sleep.

Thanks!

Look at that beautiful view!

I would move here.

Hello!

My most loyal customer. And the most advanced.

Good day, Mrs. Doina!

Ms. Doina, we may be keeping you from your work.

Would you like to open something here?

Yes, a beauty salon.

You should know there have been problems with rats.

I don't think you want that.

Don't exaggerate, Mrs. Doina, you know it wasn't really like that.

It was just a little one, as small as a puppy.

Oh dear!

Please leave.

There are problems with the neighbors. Scandals, the police come at night.

Don't pay any attention to her, the neighbors are all fine.

The lady has some problems, she's calling the police for no reason.

It's for enforcing the law.

Mrs. Doina, calm down.

Thank you! We'll think about it and call you back.

I say don't even think about it.

- She's exaggerating... - Wait a minute, please.

You bitch! You know how much I've invested in this salon,

how hard I worked and how much money I've put in?

You worked under the bedsheets!

You bitch!

Oh, she got her so hard!

Hit her hard, Tina! Hit that bitch!

Help!

Wait, don't rush! Let's analyze this.

You should know that Doina started it.

Now Tina is taking her revenge.

- Arrest Tina! - No!

She's beating her up now.

She started it, it's not my fault.

She's crazy. She hit me, threw me down here on the grass.

- Thanks, Ian! - Sorry, Tina.

I say hello to the lovely and healthy lady!

If necessary, we'll give you a granite rock.

HERE LIES DOINA MOLDOVAN

This is for life.

- The year 2025, ma'am? - That's the only one we found.

But we can arrange the date, the month and the day of your choice.

Smile, ma'am.

Take them out!

I've only worn them twice.

If, God forbid, you trip over something

and your teeth fly out of your mouth, we have replacements.

Such a beautiful color, the color of the soul.

Like a mare's teeth.

Get out of here!

A refusal!

Not even my mother-in-law refused me like that.

Ma'am... would you like a knife?

Don't be scared, I won't stab you.

You stick the knife in your meat.

We offer kitchen knives, so you can cook like a master chef.

Don't go!

- Is 150 lei okay? - Make it 100 lei for the president.

Get out now!

How can I put food on the table for my children?

Nice stainless steel, ma'am.

It's silver, not stainless steel.

The blade is made from a German panzer...

Such a nice set!

- Get out! - Fine, we are leaving.

My heart is aching, why are you doing this?

Do you want to kill your neighbors?

Okay, we're talking about limits, my favorite subject.

Limits are very tricky, I'll explain why.

Let us have a limit...

Excuse me, there is a lady waiting for you.

- A lady? - Yes.

Why did you let her in? What if she's a crazy person who kills people?

- She's a nice lady. - I'll set you up, maybe she's single.

Is that okay?

She was here.

Please go look for her and get her out of the school.

Isn't that a normal thing to do? Please, go and look for her!

That's her.

Miss, please leave the premises.

It's okay, thank you.

Are you throwing me out of the school?

Did I make noise here, too?

No, you're...

I mistook you for someone else.

Do many women come and look for him at school?

I don't know, miss, I won't get involved.

How are you?

Are you really not giving any sign?

Yes, but you told me not to do it. You wrote it on a note.

I would have if it were up to me.

Is that what you understood from what I wrote?

Yes, if it says not to do it, I didn't.

That's incredible.

Wait, Maria, I can learn. I'm not stupid.

- Leave me alone. - Wait, I get it.

"Leave me alone" in the sense that I won't leave you alone. I get it.

I'm learning. Bear with me.

I'm sorry I didn't call you.

It's my fault. Do you know why I didn't call you?

We have a problem with Doina. We want to get rid of her.

Then we can be together like a normal family.

So she's the main woman in your life?

Yes, she is. No, she's a crazy woman.

Don't you understand that she is absolutely crazy?

Should I be jealous? You only talk about her.

Listen to me for a moment.

Let's go somewhere and talk, just the two of us.

Let's find a solution. Would you like that?

I'll think about it and let you know.

So should I wait for your sign or not?

I don't know anymore.

Bye, Andrei.

And that has a hidden meaning.

I don't get it yet, but I'll figure it out eventually.

Just so you know, I'm no fool.

Good day to you.

Can I finish and then you come in?

The police are already on the stairs.

They'll wait for you, and you'll wait for me.

Where are you going without wiping yourself?

Are you making me wash your dirty underwear again?

Don't you have any tree bark? Or sandpaper...?

Go get some silk, because I'm sensitive on the way out.

Get out in a sec!

I am, but I need it to get out first.

Come on!

General... Deputy...

What are you doing here?

I can't do it inside like you Romanians.

Where they eat, that's where they poop.

I eat inside, then I go outside to poop.

That's hygiene.

Please get out of there.

I'm going, but I had hepatitis with tuberculosis.

I call it hyperculosis. If it goes out, I'm leaving.

Please put a mask on, because Chernobyl is like a perfume shop compared to this.

Madam, my throne...

...the medicines... look for them and you can't find them...

Excuse me, I don't think everyone should hear what you're talking about.

It's very important...

People are tired. They don't want to listen to you.

I understand, but there are work issues...

- Go to work then! - I'll get there and sort things out.

Hello! I want to file a police report.

- I didn't give you any sign. - You didn't give me any sign.

You come to me like this? Don't you think that maybe...

- Say it one more time. - So it's like a tie.

Now it's the other way around. Your hands.

That's it. Now behind the tree, the rabbit...

It's like you have wooden hands.

Boss, the trickery is over.

Perfect!

When is she moving?

You move out. And you move out.

And the whole block moves out and the lady stays here,

because you can't mess with the lady.

I went home last night, went into the living room

and in the living room, our horse was dead.

Dead! The horse was dead in the living room!

We're sorry, God rest his soul!

But I don't know what it has to do with Doina...

It's a curse from God.

She looked at it with hatred.

I saw Satan who didn't look the way she did.

The horse got poisoned by her look.

That's not quite true. Horses don't die when Doina wants them to.

Maybe the horse ate something...

No way, we didn't feed it...

Maybe that's why it died.

Sir... and sir...

It's over. I'm taking my people, we are leaving.

Goodbye.

- You took the money too... - But my horse is dead.

The horse was 35,000.

I knew I couldn't rely on you guys.

That's why they put your brother in jail.

May God forgive him.

- Dead...? - The bad seeds will last forever.

- Who died? - Mișu.

- Which Mișu? - With whom I peed.

- Hey, a man died. - What did I say?

God gives us what we deserve. That was the first one.

The first? What do you mean?

- What do you mean, the first? - She gave me a look.

- How did he die? - He had a heart attack.

He's just a kid, he's 20 years old. A heart attack?

And you wanted me to fuck her? I'd be dead, like Mișu.

- With... whom... - No, no, no!

...I peed.

Andrei, it's okay, you had a nightmare.

- Shh! - Why? Doina can't hear us.

Okay. Back to sleep now.

- What are you doing, Grandma? - Sleeping, what else at this hour?

- I need your help, it's serious. - What happened?

We're activating the nuclear reactor.

You must have sinned, that's why she moved here.

- What do you do? - I'm a DJ.

- What does your mother do? - My mother is a prosecutor.

That's where you get it from, because it runs in the family.

- So it's your mother's fault! - Stop it!

And the lady. Are you divorced?

Yes, I am. But how did you know?

I can see it in your eyes!

- And what do you do? - I have a yoga studio.

Dear God! That's Satan's work.

And you, nephew?

I haven't hurt anyone.

When you force children to do extra study with you, isn't that a sin?

Correct!

I don't force them. They come to me to prepare better.

So that you can take their money.

- Hey, Baldy, what are you? - A cop.

All my respect.

"In Jordan, baptizing you, Lord..."

Lord, have mercy!

Did you see how the Devil screamed inside her?

I'm sorry, Popică.

We'll get revenge on her, okay?

Thank you.

My condolences. It was a good garage. Too bad.

Come on, Andrei, life goes on.

And she will get what she deserves.

I'm sick of you and your family! Your sister calls me to show off

about the new things she's done to her house.

Should I tell her that I put all our money into a garage that they demolished?

What are you doing there?

I just put them there in order.

What are you looking for?

Where is it?

What are you looking for?

Oh my!

Get out of my way!

For the garage! And for your mother.

I'll make you something to eat.

Make the schnitzels. But hit them as hard as you can.

Are you okay?

- I have a request. - Please, tell me

Can you stop rubbing my back?

Fancy going to the bedroom? Are you... horny?

If it helps, I can do anything.

The teacher has come to his senses.

That's Popică, I'm used to it now.

For the homeland, for freedom. And for the second round.

Gicu! Gicu...

What's up, man?

If you're feeling sad, just think that Popică got rid of both Doina and Marcela

and the 283 lei he was supposed to give me back.

How can I ask the poor woman for it?

Minimal chances. He had a terrible stroke.

What?

CVA. Contagious and Very Aggressive... neighbor.

- That's the second one. - Because of you. I'll kill you!

You have a restraining order, Stay 50 meters away from me.

I want one for 100!

Let's go!

Sometimes I feel like strangling her.

Have you found your man?

Not yet.

What are you waiting for? Take him!

Right!

- That's a skinny one. - How am I skinny?

We're stressed out with this crazy neighbor.

We came to ask you how long it takes for her prayer to take effect.

Or what is the delivery time? How long will it take to get a response?

Do you think that God is a clothing store?

Grandma, how do we know? How long do we wait?

- When did I visit you? - Last Friday.

Oh, just be patient!

You have to wait in line for God.

Can't something be done on an emergency basis?

- An emergency beating, yes. - God forgive me!

After Mișu and Popică, it's clear that we're next.

God forbid!

I think that after Mișu and Popică, theoretically,

mathematically it would be Ian, Tina, the building manager...

Where did you get that from?

Stop your jinx!

You peed on her door.

I haven't done anything to her yet.

It's clear that I have to...

- Wow! Now you've killed her... - It just came to me.

Why aren't we asking Eugen?

- No! - Why don't we talk to Eugen?

I told you he's a criminal and a gangster. If we don't have the money, he'll kill us.

Sure.

I don't have another solution...

Listen to me. There's a book, The ABC Murders by Agatha Christie.

Have you heard of Agatha Christie? With murderers...

Explain step by step, slowly, for any idiot to learn.

- Let's all go home... - "Guide to criminal development."

That's what you're proposing, teach.

- You're not listening... - "A crime in nine steps."

- "How to kill someone"... - You delegate everything...

- "For beginners." - Enough!

We need to talk to someone who can kill her.

- Eugen. - You're stuck to that.

He's a criminal. I'm not getting involved with that guy.

A Moldovan then. He'll take care of it for 1,000 lei.

They won't even slaughter a pig for that.

You don't have to be violent, you have to be calm, smiling, professional.

- Kidnapping isn't about force. - See?

When you wear the right uniform, the victim is handed to you on a platter.

- It's not Doina. - It's not her, but she's dressed the same.

This vest is in style now.

This is Madonna. The wasp flew past me.

I repeat, the wasp flew past me.

Agent Ian Belito, ready.

This is Dorel. I'm waiting for her to approach the van.

I'll turn on the music, force her into the van, and we're done.

You're not good at that, Colombo.

Damme the device!

Domelo the device!

Are you out to pick up divorcees?

Black is sexy, hm?

Hey, teach, you've arrived to the bottom rung. Well done!

There you go!

It's hot... but fine.

We have a neighbor in our building... who is...

crazy.

And we want to make her disappear.

The point is that she killed people.

That's why we want to kill her, so she doesn't kill us too.

I mean, we want to defend ourselves. We're not the bad guys.

You can't get along with her like people?

When the second one died, it was hard to get along...

People are evil. They kill each other like fools.

Yesterday, someone came to me to kill a colleague,

because he didn't bring him the drill on time.

- And did you kill him? - How could I kill him?

Do I have time to kill him? I scheduled it for after the holidays.

I have a waiting list! If I show it to you, you die.

This man is a workaholic. I haven't had a vacation all year.

Leave these people alone!

- When do you need it? - Yesterday.

What are you doing to me...

On Wednesday, I have a meeting with the parents. On Thursday, I'm at church.

Friday is fine. I have to postpone something.

10,000 euros. I won't charge you an emergency fee because I know him.

How much?! 10,000 euros is a lot.

How can it be a lot?

For 10,000 euros, I'll catch her and tie her up.

I'll bring her here and keep her for 30 days.

I feed her, I kill her and get rid of the body.

It's not easy, all respect.

I don't want to judge your technique, but why are you keeping her for 30 days?

People change their minds. Romanians are indecisive.

- Today he kills, tomorrow they feel sorry. - But we're not like that.

We won't change our minds, 100%.

I'll put it in writing. We'll go to the notary and sign.

"We won't change our minds about this kill."

We're going through with the killing. You mentioned the catching part.

We could do it, to make it easier for you.

How are you going to catch her?

- Your pizza. - I didn't order anything.

- No... it's free. - What free?

That's a good one!

Get out, you bastard, or I'll get you!

Open up, the package has arrived.

- What package? - The one we talked about, the neighbor.

I'm not home. Can't you bring it another day?

Where are you?

I have a death in the family. But it's not me.

- What should we do? - Keep it and come back tomorrow.

- She's calling the police. - At my place? I'll kill you all!

Hello! I want to file a complaint.

Oh dear!

- You really hit her hard. - Sorry, I got carried away.

What now? We walk her around until Eugen comes?

I feel like she's looking at me.

- Should I take that off? - Go ahead.

Faster!

Calm down. Wait. You're stuck. Calm down.

You'll end up neighbors in prison, you idiots!

Please calm down. You're tied up, calm down.

Do you feel like a man now?

You've kidnapped a woman who cannot defend herself,

along with this drug addict and the criminal.

- I had high expectations of you. - Don't struggle, it's pointless.

And what are you going to do? You're not capable of anything.

Poor you. You don't have a bit of manhood in you.

You can't even have children. That's why your wife left you.

Maybe you'll get lucky and she'll get pregnant elsewhere.

What did you say, you idiot? Do you know what your problem is?

You're stupid.

No, no, no... Here you go.

Stop!

- Stop it! - Calm down!

In your final moments, your whole life flashes before your eyes like a movie.

I don't know what happened to me, but I got Popică's movie,

sheer boredom.

It's like a Romanian festival film, I swear.

- Where is the VIP area? - I am the VIP area.

You, the VIP area?

- You mean I don't stand a chance? - Maybe in another life.

Popică, Popică!

How are you?

Here, you do whatever you want.

If you want, you can eat, drink as much as you can.

You can fly around here naked.

Later, I'll join Love Island.

Do you have a TV here?

- I'll be the bait. - Oh, I see.

- Help yourselves! - Is it the expensive ones?

This draft is unbearable.

Look at that!

Is there a draft in Heaven too? Is that even possible?

Does God know what you're doing here?

- Let's calm down! - Oh no, you're barbecuing here too.

- Did you bring her here? - Can't we get away from her even here?

I want to talk to your boss.

Criminals, are you here? See you in court for judgement.

- Which one? - The Last Judgment.

Lord, they jumped to kill me and joined forces.

The teacher insulted me.

The divorcee hit me on the head and cracked my head open.

That was the worst of it.

- Me? - Yes, you.

And the policeman broke down my door with a hammer.

Dear God... God help us!

I mean You.

I've lived a good life,

I believed in God, in good people, and in justice.

It's true, I hit her door with a hammer,

but otherwise I would have done what my neighbors suggested with...

Master, I want to start by saying that I am a big fan of Creation.

The math thing seems to me absolutely brilliant. Fibonacci...

Anyway, I want to tell you that I took two children to the inter-county stage.

You probably know Florin and Cătălin,

who weren't very bright, you know all about your sheep.

They were low and I took them to the top.

Plus, I want to tell you that for 27 years I said no to women.

I went to the Polytechnic because I don't want women,

because I think it's a sin and...

Do not love with words, nor with your tongue,

but indeed and in truth.

Matthew 3:18 or 6, I mean, 18:3 is 6.

I was a good person... And I am a good person.

I made music and entertained people and we have parties.

That's why I often didn't go to church on Sundays because of after parties.

And I did a lot of good.

I was wrong about these plants that I smoked,

but You gave them to us,

and I didn't sell to many people, just a few, for the sake of it.

I don't have anything on me right now.

It would have been much better for this whole meeting

if I had smoked a little.

I also have a song, if you can make it a hit,

so I can be successful too, so that maybe someone here likes me.

I did everything I could to keep the peace and harmony.

I wanted the law to be respected and for Your will to be done.

She is two-faced...

Quiet!

The sentence will be read.

Everyone will get what they deserve.

After studying the case file,

the Supreme Court ruled

that all defendants are guilty.

- Sorry, God, we have a small problem. - I don't have time right now.

I understand, but they insist to speak to the manager.

Hello, yes?

Please excuse me.

It will be resolved.

Sure.

I didn't know, but it'll be sorted out.

Don't pretend to be asleep! Get up!

Hey, you!

- Grandma, was it you? - Of course, who else could it be?

I made these pies. Who's going to eat them?

After I eat, do I have to go back?

No, you have to stay here, become a real man.

Here, eat your pie! Come on, move it.

Don't get up like a sick woman.

- My back hurts. - Come on!

What are you doing to me? Honestly, you're terrible even now.

I'm not terrible at all. You've been slacking off.

Eat and think.

We're getting married in two weeks. You have to go to the Cultural Center.

Did you think you could get rid of me?

I know you can't answer, but I've decided to move in with my mother,

so she can take care of you and we'll both love you twice as much,

take you for a walk and go to church, like a real family.

Look...

Look, Marcela!

I can't believe it!

- Five million views! - Five million!

Where's Doina?

Doina is no longer with us.

- Did she move? - Yes... to another world.

- Really? - Yeah.

I don't believe you.

But someone else is moving in to take her place.

Congratulations!

Thank you very much.

Congratulations!

- We might follow... - You wish!

You know what the secret is? Having a crazy neighbor!

Marcela.

What should I tell her?

Do you want me to kill her?

If I catch you killing people again...

I haven't killed anyone.

So you have only two gears, a wimp and a murderer?

That was an accident.

I didn't kill that woman.

- But you wanted to. - I'm sorry. What do you want me to do?

Bad company.

You always stick your nose where it doesn't belong!

Popică!

Let me go!

You're not leaving me alone with her. Come on!

I'll show you!

Damn you!

The aircraft "Doina" is ready for takeoff.

The ground temperature is perfect, as is the temperature six feet under.

We wish you a pleasant flight and... that's it.

I'm singing this sad song About this situation

I don't really like to curse But I'll make an exception

Like mushrooms after rain And like flies after a horse

Like the police after thieves To lose you at cards

My neighbor drove me crazy

There's trouble in my stairwell And in my life

This crazy woman has driven me mad

You say it's a healing song

Doina, Doina, Doina, Doina...

I've never cursed in my life, but I've hated her since...

She doesn't have children or a husband to curse.

Anyway, a husband, that's not the case.

And if I were to die tomorrow I'd grab my gun

Take me to a better place 'Cause it's hard here anyway

Go to a much better place Leave me here

And see each other again When we feel sorry about it

Doina, Doina, Doina, Doina

Doina, Doina, Doina, Doina