Original subtitles

BOB: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.

What can I do you for?

Dunder Mifflin? Yeah, they've been gone for a while.

Phyll and Stanley keep in touch. We both have Schnoodles.

Awesome dogs. Other than that...

the "One and Done" guys are fine.

Less drama, that's for sure.

EMMA: There used to be a paper company here?

I didn't know that.

I just moved last month from Alaska,

because my sister went missing.

Don't worry, they found her. Living under her own damn house.

So, if you go to the Chamber of Commerce,

They keep a list of every business

that's closed in the last 10 years.

Ha! There it is. Dunder Mifflin.

It says, purchased by Enervate in Toledo, Ohio, in 2019.

That's right.

I remember them asking

if Phyllis wanted to move to Toledo.

Ha! Leave Scranton for Toledo?

Make me laugh.

[RAZOR BUZZING]

KEN: Enervate sells products made out of paper.

So that might be office supplies.

That might be janitorial paper,

which is toilet tissue, toilet seat protectors,

and local newspapers.

And that is in order of quality.

We are on the eighth floor,

home of our corporate offices, including strategy.

You're looking at him.

And this is a treat,

our commander in chief, Marv Putnam.

Not now, Ken.

Not now, Ken! You heard the man.

Come on, toilet time.

This is the ninth floor,

home of Softees, "T.P.H.Q." Here we go.

Hello, hello to my toilet kings!

And of course, my toilet queen, on her toilet throne!

Now then, a lot of young lads say their first crush

was the old Softees logo.

Not this one, I hasten to add.

Obviously... [SIGHS] amazing.

Scrunchie?

No harm in it. Now then, the gong.

The gong, the gong, the gong!

We hit the gong when we make a sale.

[GONG SOUNDS]

Music to my ears.

And here we are, the Toledo Truth Teller,

the local newspaper.

Mm. Okay.

This whole building is the old Truth Teller Tower.

Can you believe they used to employ

over a thousand people?

That's absolutely insane, if I do say so myself.

JOHN: The ninth floor is a hundred men

covering Ohio politics.

We have 300 more outside the building

in Washington, New York,

and we have foreign bureaus all over the world.

Is it expensive? You can bet what you're sitting on it is.

We only keep democracy alive, is all.

Is it worth it?

Well, ask the Cincinnati City Council.

A third of them indicted on bribery charges today,

thanks to our reporting!

MARE: I am the compositor.

You wanna see how this works?

Um, okay. So, this is tomorrow's front page.

Um, we have an account that lets us pull stories

directly off the AP.

So, if I see a story

that's within our subscription tier,

"Elizabeth Olsen Reveals Her Nighttime Skin Routine,"

I just drag it over to one of the empty boxes

and drop it in.

Oh. Um, okay.

So, that actually means that

the article's too big for the box.

I would've thought it was too short.

And my computer's frozen.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

And when we need accurate local reporting

for high school sports, we have Barry.

He's our one intrepid reporter.

Of course it's not as simple as Mare makes it sound.

Mare is... simple.

You gotta have an antenna for the right story,

and that takes a nose for news.

For which ones are the most important.

What?

Can I leave these on just a bit,

because the shape is better,

just for few seconds while we get ready.

I should look inside here?

Inside here? Or should I look at you?

Where should I look? Here? You? Here? You?

My name is Esmeralda Grand, uh, Managing Editor.

Um, I am also in charge of TTT Online,

which is way more important, and fun,

and sexy than the print version.

The print version really only exists for people

to have something to frame when they are mentioned,

which we try to do as much as possible.

At TTT Online, we have no space or length limitations.

This is classic long form journalism.

Here is one of my articles I'm particularly proud of.

Uh, I don't know if you can see it.

[CHUCKLES]

So you start reading it,

yes, and you get very curious.

I'm scrolling.

You go "next."

Oops! I hit an ad. And I click here.

And I'm scrolling.

And I'm learning a lot about the history of tipping,

like, the first tip.

What was that? Maybe a piece of cheese?

And then you keep learning about colors of cars.

There are so many colors.

But it's not a waste of time,

because when you get to the end,

and you find out that the tips was $300?

[LAUGHING] Wow! I mean, that's a lot!

I actually wrote for Stars and Stripes,

the military newspaper.

I was an M1 Armored Vehicle Crew Member in the Army.

Esmeralda has some media experience

as a contestant on a dating reality show,

called Married at First Sight.

Let me introduce you

to one of my most trusted underlings

at TTT Online.

Nicole!

Nicole!

Hi. Yeah. I actually don't want to do this.

Please. Keep rolling.

I'll get her sign your release,

don't worry. Keep rolling.

Come on, Nicole, look at the camera! Look!

You are so pretty. Oh, my gosh. You are so pretty.

I hadn't noticed how pretty you are.

The camera loves you, old lady.

The camera loves you!

-Okay. -Mm!

NICOLE: My name's Nicole Lee.

I'm in "circulation." So I keep track of subscribers.

I also have some additional duties

for the online newspaper.

Some companies today, I'm not saying us,

they generate revenue by collecting information

from people who visit their sites.

And if any of the users accepts any cookies,

their browsing history can be scraped up.

You could say that we get more information

from the readers than they get from us.

DETRICK: How you doing, my name is Detrick Moore.

I sell ads for the paper,

which means I'm not supposed to interact with

anybody in news.

Uh, Ken calls it the Chinese wall,

which I thought was wrong,

but I guess it's an actual news term.

When you're in sales like me,

you have to be sort of a psychologist.

And so whenever I see people down,

I just... I try my best to cheer them up, you know?

It doesn't matter to me

if it's against the rules or not.

[CRYING]

DETRICK: And I don't have any favorites.

Detrick thinks I'm sad all the time

but actually, a lot of the times

I'm just tired of pretending he cheered me up the last time.

You are going to get tired

chasing my busy little body around with that camera!

[LAUGHS]

Also, I'm a single mom,

so there's lots going on in my life.

Anyway, here are two accountants and the head accountant.

Boring, boring and head boring.

God, not again.

I'm not agreeing to any of this.

Don't you guys have enough after nine years?

Nobody wants this!

You know what, you can't use my voice,

my likeness, my face, nothing.

Ooh!

Hmm.

The word jumble is kind of a head-scratcher today.

We don't have a word jumble anymore, Barry.

BARRY: Hmm?

[SIGHS] AI will never replace me.

I need some air. [SIGHS]

NED: My name is Ned Sampson.

I am signing the visitors log, even though I am not a visitor.

This is my first day working at the Truth Teller.[SIGHS]

I'm so excited to be saying that.

When I was a kid, I didn't wanna be Superman.

I wanted to be Clark Kent.

'Cause to me, Clark is the real superhero.

He's saving the world too by working at a newspaper.

And that to me is much more noble,

and much more achievable.

And I love that.

And so, that's why I'm so happy to be finally here

at my very own Daily Bugle or no, Daily Planet!

It's the Daily Planet. Daily Bugleis Spider-Man.

They're both journalists. That's kinda cool.

All right, I'm gonna... Sorry.

I'm going to, uh, run up

'cause I don't wanna be late for my first day

and make a bad impression. Up, up and away!

I have a lot in common with Superman too.

We each have our kryptonite, for example.

For Superman, it's, well, kryptonite, obviously.

For Clark Kent, it's Lois Lane.

And for me, I guess my kryptonite

is my love of journalism.

From fact checking to developing sources

over whiskey in a smoky bar, that's my weakness.

Also, romanticizing things, I'm told.

[PHONE CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING]

Oscar!

Oh, man.

Oh, this is so cool.

Oh, boy.

-Got him. -Good job.

Hey, I'm Ned.

The door seems to be locked.

-Yeah, because I locked it. -She locked it.

I'm Ned Sampson, I start here today.

You can... You can let me out.

Uh, we had a security breach, month ago.

Can't be too sure.

A guy on acid wandered in from a jazz festival.

Okay. Well, that wasn't me.

-Another one of those acid guys? -Yep.

Damn, it must be the soft lighting.

NED: Sir, you look very trusting.

You can trust me. I promise. Let me out.

Thank you, but I'm going to stay out of it.

Best of luck.

Okay. Thanks, hey, come on.

Hey, hey, hey. We do not have door money!

This is just a misunderstanding, okay? I just...

I start work at the paper.

-Which paper, news or toilet? -News!

Why would I say the paper about toilet paper?

We don't know you, sir. How should we know

why you say the things you say?

I've got a meeting at 2:00, all right? I'm just early.

-That's all this is. Come on. -Okay. Who's the meeting with?

Just briefly, I'm forgetting the name.

Of course. NED: No, no. Wait, wait, wait.

It's something unique.

Is... Is there a Fantine that works here?

Heh, you'll find her in Les Mis.

NED: All right. Okay, okay.

DETRICK: Hey, hey. Chill.

Come on!

Looks like y'all caught a live one!

Please! I'm genuinely claustrophobic.

I do get claustrophobic. I got stuck in my neighbor's chimney

playing Christmas when I was a kid.

I was imagining what it was like to be Santa Claus. Let me out.

Are you being serious? Because I'm actually claustrophobic.

And if you're pretending,

that would be very disrespectful

to the claustrophobic community.

All right, I'm not claustrophobic.

But I get a little nervous in airplane bathrooms,

if that counts?

-That's the truth. -Yeah.

Esmeralda! It's Esmeralda!

That's... That's the name of the person, right?

-Oh. -That's...

-Okay, fine. -Wait, he gets one name right,

and you guys let your guards down?

-You? -Are you Esmeralda?

No, I'm the woman you hit.

OSCAR: What? ADELOLA: What?

-No, I... -Calm down, everybody.

No, he just knocked my salad to the ground.

Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know I did that.

You guys can let him out.

NICOLE: Are you sure? -Yes.

I saw him downstairs talking to the crew, he's real.

Thank you. NICOLE: All right, all right.

-Adelola, nice to meet you. -It's nice to meet you too.

-Adam. Sorry about that. -Not at all.

-Hello. -Nice to meet you.

-Trav, buddy. -Hey, how are you?

-Nice to meet you, man. -There he is.

Yeah.

MARE: Travis... -Check back in here.

I think he's clean.

Nice to meet you, brother. Welcome to the floor.

Thank you very much.

[SIGHS]

Nobody told me they were adding somebody.

Unless I'm being fired from the paper.

Am I being fired? -No, no.

-They're adding me. -Okay.

I didn't expect to get locked in on my first day.

-Do you want a glass of water? -Thank you so much. Um...

-You okay? You wanna sit? -Do you know someplace

that I could get something to eat?

-Uh... -I owe you a salad, anyway.

-Sure. -All right.

One... One second.

NED: Then I went to OU.

Studied journalism, was on a school paper.

By my last year, I was editor. And... I loved it.

So you've been working in the news since?

No, after spending four years getting my journalism degree,

my father pointed out that the industry

was collapsing, like an old smoker's lung.

Oh, no!

So, I got scared and I went to work at his company

selling cardboard.

Glossy cardboard. High end.

Gift box with a lid.

I could really sell cardboard.

MARE: Really.

-What's going on over here? -Oh, um... won't eat.

And then I'll do things that are better by themselves.

Okay.

Dude, I didn't tell you this.

We were racing to make the game,

and then all of a sudden,

a freaking deer jumped out at us.

Did you brake in time?

You don't brake for deer, man.

-You do not brake for deer. -Don't brake for deer.

What does a car do when you brake?

It attracts deer.

No. You brake, your car tilts down.

And boom, the deer will go through the windshield.

And if that's a buck, a male deer?

That's an antler to the face,

aka instant death, in my experience.

No, thank you, man.

Pfft.

Hell, no. OSCAR: Okay.

So, what happened after cardboard?

I don't really wanna talk about it. It's kinda private.

Oh, I'm sorry. [SIGHS]

I was home for Thanksgiving.

My mom basically announces

that my father has been cheating on her

and having this 20-year affair

with a woman who lives on their street.

-Shut up. -Mm-hmm.

-Mrs. Schweppe. -Oh, my God.

-She taught me piano. -No!

Yeah. And I lost it. I was screaming at him.

"You're a bad man. I will not work for you.

I hate everything about you!"

And so I wouldn't go back to cardboard after that.

And luckily, my dad felt guilty,

-which he should. -Yeah.

And he knew someone on the board of Enervate,

so he kinda got the ball rolling on that.

And I went out to Softees in Chicago,

worked there for two years,

broke every record selling toilet paper.

And they said, what do you wanna do next?

-I picked here. -Geez.

That's really inspiring for a story

with that much nepotism in it.

[BAGS CRINKLING]

ADELOLA: Adam is 32. He has four kids.

His wife makes them the same lunch every day.

I mean, like, all of them, you know,

and just sort of marches them off to work.

And he just gets whatever leftovers

the kids don't want.

I think he was hired under some initiative

that gives jobs to poor, religious people

with no skills.

Honestly, I can't imagine how he keeps going.

I think Adelola's a very emotional person.

I catch her looking at me with tears in her eyes.

So how do you like working here?

-It's fine. -Mm-hmm.

What does that mean?

-I don't know. -[SIGHS]

Have you... Have you read this paper?

-Uh-huh. -Okay.

And how do you think it compares to any other paper?

-It sucks. -Oh. [LAUGHS]

-Correct. -It compares badly

to any other printed material.

Great. Cool. [LAUGHS]

But we are going to make it better.

I'm sorry. I...

I don't even know if it's a real paper.

I mean, it's some local ads and clickbait

with like, four APstories

and high school sports scores on the cover.

It's something to start with.

Sure. Why don't we talk

after you meet your new boss, though.

-I met Marv, he's great. -No, Esmeralda.

Isn't she the interim managing editor?

Yep.

Right. They hired me to be the editor-in-chief.

-[SIGHS] -Above Esmeralda?

Yeah.

KEN: Ah, Ned!

It's nice to meet you. NED: It's very nice to meet you.

I know you've been supervising things for a while.

So I hope it's not too disruptive

to have me come in and sort of shake everything up.

Oh, no, no. Don't be so self-defecating.

No, come on. I can't wait to hear your ideas.

KEN: All right, shall we? -Yes.

After you. Ladies first.

ESMERALDA: Thank you.

NED: Sure. KEN: Okay.

I don't expect it to happen overnight,

but I will need a full staff.

-[SIGHS] -Multiple local beats...

-Okay. Mm-hmm. -...with dedicated reporters.

Okay? A city beat for daily stories.

-We need a sports beat with... -Yes, hello, 911?

Yes, my budget is having a coronary.

[LAUGHS]

OPERATOR: 911, what's the address...

-I've called them. -...of your emergency?

-I've called them. -Is someone there...?

[PHONE BEEPS OFF]

And would all of these be, um, paid positions?

Yes, but they would make the paper worth reading again.

-Can we do that? -No. No, no.

Sorry, because the news is a bit poor.

But probably you didn't know.

Obviously, I did know that.

We can free up some funds by cutting some other things.

-[LAUGHS] Um... -Keep talking.

I'm cutting the wire services,

people can get that news anywhere for free.

And I would like to cut

all the garbage clickbait nonsense

on the website.

It's bad for people.

-It's bad for the paper. -Mm-hmm.

We go back to basics.

Local focus, objective, fact-based reporting.

This could be very exciting.

I have something that I would like to say.

Great.

Enervate is in good health, largely because of Softees.

Enervate is Tom Brady, very healthy, very rich.

-The Truth Teller... -Mm-hmm?

Is a sick mouse hiding behind Tom Brady's fridge.

Now, Tom Brady, he likes mice. But this mouse is fucked.

[MESSAGE CHIMING]

Okay. I, uh, appreciate your honesty.

It sounds like a big challenge. But luckily, I love challenges.

That's why I'm so good at Lent.

Oh, wow.

-Hey, uh, Ned? -Yes?

I just want to say, I got your back.

Finally, thank you.

-I've been there. -You've...

-He's been there. -Yeah.

-Who is that? -He works in envelopes.

Huh.

Actually I didn't think he worked here anymore.

Uh, look, I mean, I think we should schedule

a meeting with Marv and just look at the budget

with a very...

With Marv? Why are we scheduling a meeting with Marv?

Well, because I think we have

a fundamental difference of opinion

about what the paper is capable of.

Can you excuse me for just a second?

-Of course! -A comfort break.

-Yes. -By all means.

-I'm sorry. -What is it?

ESMERALDA: Were the lights... KEN: The paper?

ESMERALDA: Yeah.

That is for the light...

-Hey, can we talk? -Of course.

-No. -No?

No, her.

Did you send an email to everyone here...

saying that I was "not Me Too-ed?"

Yes, because I didn't want you to start off on the wrong foot.

But I wasn't.

Yes, in fact, that's why I said,

he was not Me Too-ed, I don't think.

I was not... I've never been Me Too-ed.

I've also never embezzled or slapped a waitress.

Oh, wow. Should I tell them?

No! That's what I'm saying.

You... You don't have to "not" a thing that isn't.

You are preaching to the choir. These are simple people.

To them, a man leaves his job, moves to a new town,

they think, "I wonder what was his evil crime."

Did he do it to a person?

-An animal?" -Animal?

"I hope he doesn't do it to me."

That's why I wrote a mass email to everyone,

so instead they would think, "Wait a minute. Hold on."

Maybe I should wait and see.

What if my gut instinct against him

-is not completely right?" -Okay, okay, okay. Okay,

this is bad, Esmeralda.

You know what, I'm going to tell everyone

that everything that I wrote in that email

was completely incorrect, okay?

-Thank you. -You're welcome.

No, wait! Wait! Wait! I think that's worse.

Why? What?

I think... I think it's better if it comes from me.

-I agree. Great idea. -Yeah. Okay.

Everybody's going to appreciate your remarks.

Cool. No, not now. Not now.

Hi, everyone? Everyone?

Everyone!

Of course I'm not talking about the toilet paper people.

Nat Simpson, here, would like to say something.

-Right? -Uh...

Thank you.

Uh, hi, everyone. My name is Ned Sampson.

I can't hear you.

Do you mind if I stand on your desk?

-If you must. -Thanks.

I mean, I'd rather you didn't.

[DESK ITEMS CLATTER]

Okay. Hi, everyone. My name is Ned Sampson.

I am your new editor-in-chief.

I believe that there was an email going around,

but, uh, we'll... we'll talk about that later.

I just had a meeting with Ken and Esmeralda,

and it sounded to me like

the changes that I was hoping to make,

so that the Truth Teller could once again

become a great Ohio paper,

it sounds like those changes

are too expensive to implement right now.

That being said,

I am going to make these changes,

one way or another, that is why I am here.

So feel free to let me know if you'd like to help out,

and do some original reporting.

That includes everyone working on this floor.

-Does that mean us, too? -No. Uh...

-Are you interested? -I don't know. I might be.

Great.

Fantastic.

Our first new reporter, possibly.

If he's interested. We'll see.

Now, I understand that there is no...

Oh. I, for one,

I think this is stupid, you know?

I-I like things the way they are.

I saw Esmeralda was mad,

and I knew... I knew it was only a matter of time

before she took it out on someone, so I had to act.

As an advocate for consent, I think Mister Me-Too here...

-No. -...he doesn't belong.

-I was gonna talk about... -Yeah, no means no.

That's what that means.

I think Esmeralda's a great boss.

So, when I say four more, you guys say years!

-Four more... -Detrick, just sit down!

Hey, idiot. Sit down.

No, the other idiot.

-Me? -No, him!

NED: Okay. -You talk.

All right, thank you.

As I was saying...

Um...

The changes might be too expensive right now.

But be that as it may...

if you have ever wanted to be the first person

to know what's going on in the place where you live,

or if you wanna make sure

that the people who are running your city

are telling the truth

and doing the things that they said they would do,

or if you just root for the underdog

and you wanna give it to the loudmouths,

you are more than welcome, all of you,

to volunteer your time at this newspaper.

So Marv, is it okay if we borrow a few hours a week

from these guys' other duties if they want to participate?

Yes. Let's, uh, do that to start.

Fantastic. This is great news.

If that sounds good to anyone,

and you would like to talk to me about this,

you can find me here or you could email me

at SalesGod@SofteesChicago.com.

Or at a work email which I will set up

uh, tomorrow for this workplace. Thank you very much.

-No. -[DESK ITEMS CLATTER]

The Me Too thing?

Me didn't.

Me wouldn't.

Me believe in respect in workplace.

-Me haven't... -Good.

-...and won't. -I think.

-Thank you. -Yeah.

Did anybody hear that?

In America, there is a saying

about accepting the things that you cannot change.

In Italy, we do not have that saying.

JOHN: I remember.

I bet my name's on the inside of that smock.

FLOOR WORKER: Oh, yes? [LAUGHS] JOHN: I remember,

I had this very job. I had this very job.

You were down here? Let me see the hands.

Uh, oh yeah!

Well, you know, I haven't...

FLOOR WORKER: Maybe a little bit.

I got a little soft in my old age,

but I did everything. I worked the bailer,

I worked the press. I did all of it.

I did. I worked, I cleaned up.

I worked... Are you kidding? I swept... I swept this place.

-Yeah, you did? -Yeah.

Hey. I was gonna take off for the night, if that's okay.

-Sure. -Cool.

Hey, have you, uh, have you seen this?

It's a documentary from the '70s about this newspaper.

-It's called Newspaper. -Uh-huh.

-Yeah. I have. -It's amazing.

Actually, do you wanna see something cool?

I could have sworn this was cool.

-Where are we going? -It's downstairs.

Are we going outside?

Is there a food truck with Chicago deep dish?

No.

Am I being hazed? I wanna say upfront,

I don't like being hazed.

-No. -Is it asbestos?

-'Cause I can smell it. -[LAUGHS]

Ooh! Is it a smutty pinball machine,

-thank you? -No.

-No? -No.

I was hoping it was a pinball machine.

NATE: Don't make a mess.

-Oh, okay. -I'm not cleaning up after you.

All right.

-Is it him? -No.

Okay.

MARE: Ta-da!

All your guesses sucked.

This is incredible.

It's a Goss Community, manufactured in 1965...

-[CHUCKLES] -...in Rockford, Illinois.

Hey. What do you think would happen

if I push this button?

-I wouldn't. -[BUTTON CLICKS]

-No. -[BUZZ]

Email! Travis Bienlien.

"I like to take pictures of my dog."

MARE: Oh.

"I could take pictures."

MARE: Yeah, he's weird.

But he's a good photographer.

-That's good. -All right.

I don't even know what he does here.

Maybe drives a delivery truck?

Another one. Adam Cooper. "Sports, question mark."

-Okay. Maybe we should... -Get a corkboard. Yes.

Old school, okay boss.

So, that button down at the end of the machine?

That's, well, that's a magic button.

We push that button

and the machine starts to rumble to life

and all of those people,

the 900 people in this building,

all of the information they've gathered,

the stories they've found,

all of that gets fed into the machine,

along with the paper and this...

Good night. JOHN: ...process happens.

It is a kind of alchemy

and what comes out this end is the truth.

It'sThe Truth Teller. That's what we do.

And I don't mean to be blasphemous,

but I... I worship at the altar of this machine.

[LIVELY THEME PLAYING]

Oh, no. No, no, no.

I'm not playing.

I will make this unusable.

[BLEEP]. Use that.

[BLEEP]

-I'm... I'm sorry. -No, go for it, boss.

[BLEEP]. This is unusable.

A [BLEEP] is out of its fly.

A man washing his [BLEEP] in the garden with a hose.

His filthy [BLEEP].

A man drying his [BLEEP] with a burlap.

With a burlap rag.

A woman running through the field.

Her... Her [BLEEP] are out.

[BLEEP]

Nipples. [BLEEP]

Nipples and areolas. With sweat. [BLEEP] [BLEEP]

With perspiration dripping down.

A dirty [BLEEP].

I'm sorry, Softees.