Original subtitles

The following program contains mature subject matter and coarse language.

discretion is advised.

Hey! Welcome, you're awake.

Oh, my God, night sweats. I gave up after the eighth one and came down here

look at old photos.

I remember this. I was nursing at the time, and I was losing my mind on that

leave, so I asked my boss, Michael, if I could come back to work and bring you.

Wait, I went to work with you? Oh, yeah, for three days. And you screamed all

day, and then I screamed all day, and then the whole office screamed to send

back home. It was amazing.

Well, I won't scream today.

You forgot.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, I did. I'm sorry. I'm so tired. Remind me. My media arts group is coming

to your work after school today to learn about podcasting.

Oh, oh.

I'm screwed.

No, no, no, no, no, no. You're not screwed. You're not screwed. Okay,

coming with your project group.

And... And try out the equipment?

Yeah, absolutely, sure. I got you.

Thanks, Mom.

Oh.

Oh, I mean... Yeah, I'm quite damn... I feel it all.

I feel it all.

I feel it all.

I feel it all.

Come on, quick.

You can do it.

And... Ah.

Ooh. Oohie.

Wait, Mom? Oh.

Why is your boob in the waffle maker, and what are you doing with my charger?

Okay, listen, so Mama booked all her appointments in one day, yeah, so she

doesn't get in trouble at work. So basically I'm getting some blood work

I'm getting an ultrasound, and I'm getting a whip boop, a mammogram. It's

very first one, but I've got to practice so I don't barf at the clinic, because

when Mama gets nervous, she pukes everywhere.

Maybe I should just come with you.

I'll open the door.

Mama's got to put her sweet, tight eggos. I'm joking. Just don't open the

until my boobs are away.

Hi. Oh, God. Hey, hey. Hi, hi. Hi, hi. Hi.

Hi. My name is Yule. I am the new property manager.

Hey, I pawned those tap shoes a month ago, so I know what is happening here.

this Becky from 103 below me? You tell her. I'm just walking here. I'm not

tapping no more. She took that away from me. Okay?

Yeah. I'm just trying to tell all the residents that maybe they should keep

their windows open while we work to control a...

Smell problem?

Oh, my sweet Lord above. It smells like a cabbage took a dump out there with the

garbage chute. Is that all bunged up or something?

No. Sadly, one of the tenants on the seventh floor was found to be deceived.

Oh, my God. That is terrible.

He must have been rot in a while because I can smell him seeping through. Yeah,

well, most of the smell, luckily, was contained to the en suite bathroom.

An en suite? That's probably normally... When those happen in those rooms, and

those are nice ones, is that like a two -bed?

Is it a two -bed unit?

Yeah. Well, in light of the tragedy, it's probably, um, it's probably

Uh, he just died.

Well, he didn't just die, did he, honey? Because we can smell him, right? Honey,

listen, why don't you go get ready? Go get ready.

You will, is it?

Uh, yeah, uh, like the log.

Listen, I got a teen daughter sleeping on a goddamn sofa bed. I need a two

-bedroom desperately. Now, I don't give a crap about terrible odors. I'm an

expert. I'm a B .O. at a second -hand business. Do you understand me? Uh,

I should just give you my number.

Okay, put it on me.

Put it on my phone.

Okay, and then you can text me, and I can tell you when you should

submit an application.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to make you my number one priority

contact. You understand? That's exactly what I'm going to do because I don't

want to miss a call from you.

Now, listen, it's terrible.

I put the man upstairs, but it really worked out in my favor. Can I ask you

more question?

Do you get a break on rent or just to compensate for the creep factor?

I don't know. I'm just new.

But for you, I will ask for you.

Appreciate it. Oh.

Oh.

I didn't even know I did that.

Okay.

Bye.

Is there never any paper towel in this place?

I guess this will have to do.

What's with all these post -its?

Reminders. I am not sleeping very well.

and I'm experiencing a bit of brain fog.

Oh, my God, I hear you, girl. Hey, any top tips in there about how to get rid

a corpse smell?

Well, answering that would make me an accessory to murder.

Activated charcoal.

And no, unless you're privy to the murder beforehand. Any chance of foul

Uh, no clue, but saffron, and I really, really want that apartment.

That sounds like a motive.

Where are you going with all that salad dressing?

My salad dressing? My business.

Anyway, my doctor, Dr. Brennan, we just love each other. She ordered me a bunch

of medical tests, and I'm going to do them all in one day. And that way, I

have to take any more time off work, and I'll be back in time for the episode.

Oh, okay. About that, actually, Oliver's Media Arts Group is coming in today. I

totally forgot. It's so not like me. Oh, my God.

What? Today's episode is on breast tenderness.

I can't talk about that in front of teens. Julie, don't worry.

Teens love me. You know, I can break dance. Breast tenderness, hard to

But you know what isn't hard to swallow?

The robot. They love this.

You know what?

That's okay. I think what I'll just do is bring them into the podcasting booth

and let them fool around with the recording equipment.

Not that it makes any difference to me, but did you run that idea by Larry?

You know how fussy he is about his gear.

Well, you know, I have known Larry longer than you've been alive. I'm sure

be fine.

Go brag.

Later, boomer.

Janet!

Hello, Mama.

Dead in here.

Chris, you like outfits. Julie, I don't know what you like, but come sit.

Okay.

What if aging was a lifestyle? What if you could eat, sleep, thrive, shop,

just be?

In a sisterhood of women just like you, what if science could take you there?

Renowned scientist Dr. Shelley Felderkot has a way to stop aging in its tracks.

Flow with Glowy.

Glowy has the potential to change menopause as we know it.

And they want you to be a part of that. I'm sorry, I'm just, I'm a little lost.

I'm lost.

Glowy wants to be our official sponsor.

They think there's a fun partnership with our podcast.

Okay, but isn't Glowy the brand that poisoned Chris?

Well, that was user error. Chris could poison herself with anything.

That's true. I'm having a minute.

Okay, so are you pitching that our podcast become an infomercial for Glowy?

my God, I love that one with them knives. Oh, they show it late at night,

they cut a shoe in a nickel, and afterwards they cut a tomato. You know

one. Let me get this straight. There's like a lack of medical research for

menopause. So you're suggesting that we use that fact to exploit women who are

suffering and therefore will try anything to feel better? You make it

a bummer.

You know what? I made some calls, too, and I actually have a wonderful list of

many, many potential clients that are very willing to work with us. And they

have real, tactile products, tried, tested, and true.

Look what we have here. Menopoo, an all -natural shampoo for perimenopausal

women. Yeah.

Menoslax, denim -like shaping pants for women of a certain age.

Oh, here's one. Here's one.

Metacola, fun, non -sweet, and flaxy drink for the older gal.

Yeah. I got six flavors. That's great. Oh.

Menopause lawn care service. I didn't know I needed that.

Seriously. Well, just think about it. You know. I am not willing to think

sacrificing our audience or the integrity of our very intelligent

order to sell mennojunk.

I gotta go. I have work to do.

I gotta go because I work there.

Just hang in there for one second.

He's just the guy I want to see.

Wow. No one ever says that to me. My son's media arts group is coming in

and I thought maybe we could take them into the booth, give them a feel for the

equipment. Nope.

But you love talking about your equipment, and I am offering you a

audience. Yeah, this studio is full of specialized equipment worth thousands of

dollars. Okay, well, I didn't think it was Dino Dig at the museum, Larry. I

be there. If any of those teens put their dirty little teen fingers on my

soundboard, I will be forced to call my very litigious union, and they will come

down on you like a sandbag on a C -stand. Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay,

Figure out something else to do with the teens. No one's going to touch your D

-ether or your S -deer or whatever it's called.

How dare you try to upstage me with your flea market meadow crap.

Hi. Sorry to interrupt. Am I interrupting?

Yes. I just want to let you know that I found a doctor.

Hallelujah. Yeah, okay. And like a fairy godmother, she has granted me three lab

appointments, which in an effort to have minimal impact on my very important

job, I was hoping I could do them back to back.

Thank you.

I really appreciate you coming to tell me. I feel nice to be respected.

You know, because earlier I felt a little attacked by Julie.

You saw that, right, Evan? Like a shark.

I wasn't expecting this glowy partnership to cause such animosity.

You know, all I want is the best for us.

Oh, yeah, yeah, me too.

So no one's mad? Yay?

Okay, we're good? Let's hug it out? Yeah? Okay, great. Here.

I'm glad we could all work that out.

Too bad Julie hates that Chloe partnership idea.

I don't think that Julie hates the idea, per se. Oh, so you think there's still

a chance she'll come on board? I don't know.

You think and feel that she might still be thinking about it?

That's a relief.

I'll tell Chloe. You tell Chloe?

Okay, I'll tell Chloe.

Have a good time with your appointment. Be back at 3 .30. Good luck.

That's a relief.

The studio is booked for 3 .30, but I just saw Chris leave for an appointment.

Will she be back on time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on in. Close the door.

You would not believe the date that I'm having.

Oliver's class is coming in. I can't talk to teens about sore boobs, so I

to come up with a whole new topic for the podcast.

Man, you got a stain on your shirt.

Guess I don't need this poster anymore.

What the... Oh, what is this?

Don't let Amanda see this.

No, no, no, no, no. This is not a storage locker for meno junk.

Oh, meno whiskey.

I am so angry right now, I can't even see straight.

You know, anger is your superpower.

You're right, Jamila.

Thank you.

Angry brainstorming, here I come.

Meno whiskey.

Okay, um... Hi.

Hello.

I'm sorry I'm late.

I'm Chris Fine.

I'm just coming from a transvaginal on the old front hole probe. That was

intense. And then I'm here for some blood work, and then later on I'm going

get my breath smashed. Welcome to the sausage factory. Actually, I should say,

because I'm a girl, the taco hut. Oh, you can fill that out over there. Okay,

nice talking. I'm sorry.

Charlie, some teens are looking for you.

Oh, no.

Okay, think, Julie, think.

Think.

Okay,

here we go. Pretty cool, right?

Hey, Mom, you ready?

Everyone's stoked.

Um, there's been a slight change of plans, though the equipment's off

What? I already told everyone we were going to F around with the mics. Hey,

don't say F, all right?

I still got this. I'm a pro.

Don't worry.

Hi, everyone. I'm Julie. I'm Oliver's mom.

Does anyone have any questions about podcasting? Uh, yeah.

When do we get to use the equipment in the booth?

Okay. Easy, Scooter.

You can't just jump in there and start with the equipment, all right? First of

all, you have to have very clean hands.

Second of all, you've got to work your way up, okay? It's like Karate Kid. Have

you ever seen that? You know, wax on, wax off.

Wax off?

Dude, your mom just said we have to wax off to use the equipment.

Oh, I have a question.

How does this very intelligent podcast make money?

By providing intriguing content that our listeners can trust.

Uh, merch?

Oh, you mean like something to sell to your audience?

That is interesting.

Something to think about.

Okay, does anyone else have any questions?

Anyone? Nope, not you.

Well, hello.

I'm here for my mammogram.

You get to keep that on.

Okay. Sorry, thank God. I was just trying to show you how prepared I was.

great.

This shouldn't take long. That's where we're going to... Yeah, is this your

first time?

No, no, no. It's not my first time. I practiced this morning on a waffle iron,

so I'm pretty good. I'm ready to go. Okay, great. Let's just get you to stand

front of the machine. You spray it with Pam first? No.

Do you see what I did there? Telling jokes. You know why? Because I'm

and I'm not nervous about this at all. Okay.

Just a little casual time here, just you and me. Okay, Denise, I don't know what

you got going on here, but you know what here? I've got a couple of firm,

healthy apples, real tight. I'm talking a red delicious.

You ever sink your teeth into a crunchy red delicious? You know what I'm talking

about? I prefer berries. Now, I don't know what these other women are coming

with, with them rotten apples. They want a bit of a squish, but these are

fucking coconuts. Chris, just stand in front of the machine. Okay, that's fine.

I'm going to stand right in front of the machine. Look, they're going to go in

here. This is going to close. How small is this going to get? It gets pretty

small. This small? Uh -huh.

Smaller? Uh -huh. It's going smaller?

Uh -huh. Are you kidding me right now? Uh -uh. I have to fit my breath in this?

Uh -huh. Oh, my God. And then it stops.

I could fit my tongue in here. No, I wouldn't do that if I were you. I just

it. Oh, my God. That tastes good.

Okay. You know what, Chris?

You know what? If I do, you know what? If I lube it up, if I lube it up, it's

going to fly right in there. You don't need to. Oh, my God.

Okay. Okay, both arms. You got this. Deep breaths. I got this. Oh, my God,

Denise. I'm going to get you to move in a little bit closer.

Not back up. Okay, we're going to turn your head a little bit. Okay, take a

nice. Deep breaths. I'm just going to adjust your breast on the shelf. No,

just... And I'm going to close it now. Big deep breaths. Oh, my God. Try to

still and relaxed.

Denise, Denise, Denise. No, I got to pull out. Oh, my God. Don't pull out.

Chris, don't pull out.

Just stay where... As you know,

our podcast is about menopause, which is kind of like a second puberty, which is

something I'm sure that all of you, some of you, Maybe not you.

Sorry. Can relate to that.

So what is puberty?

It's hormones.

It's changing bodies.

Does anyone want to share any stories about puberty?

Okay, well, you know what?

I'm having a day. I can go first.

Real talk, I'm tired.

Today, I'm very tired.

Moody. Oh, yeah, I'm moody.

Acne. I've got a big old zit. Anyone else relate?

Anyone?

Oh.

Surprising. Great.

All right.

Oh, hey, what about this? Does anyone ever have brain fog?

That's a big one.

We have excess sweating.

I'm doing that right now.

Struggle is real.

Facial hair. I got a little mustache.

Some of you do, too.

What else?

Yeah, body odor.

Bit wiffy in here, guys. Bit wiffy. All right.

Problems with authority.

Stupid Amanda.

Okay. How about this? Oh, my God. Mom.

So embarrassing.

That's more painful than I thought.

Oh, sorry.

Passed out.

Oh. Oh, my God.

Did you get the other boob?

Oh, I'm not sure.

She's wondering if you got the other breast.

No.

No.

She's going to have to come back.

Oh, you're going to have to come back.

What are you doing here?

Oh,

luckily you're...

Phone was in your back pocket, so we were able to reach your priority

My priority.

Okay. Oh, no.

Oh, my God. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey,

they just said you were in some level of distress.

They did? That is so weird, because I'm absolutely fine. Look at me. Hello. I'm

fine. Bye.

You need a ride home?

No, my God. Are you kidding me? I brought my 10 -speed. It's so nice. No,

going to drive you home, okay? You just take as much time as you need. I'm just

going to wait outside.

Can I help you out?

I feel so good. All right. One, two, three.

Okay. Okay.

I got you. Fan your hands out. Okay. Okay. The paper is on the... Okay. Can

put it in the... Put it in the... Okay. Okay.

There. You good?

Everyone's good?

Okay. Okay. See you later.

Denise, thank you so much. It was lovely meeting you. Thanks, Denise.

Keep to the right. Keep to the right.

No, no, no, our class is not dismissed. Teens back in! We want the teens back in

because I know a thing or two about tender breasts. You guys like

because look what I've... Hey, man, this menopause thing is rough.

Julie?

Julie, I'm sorry I'm late. It's that I passed out, and then I passed out again,

and then I barfed a little.

Can I ask you a question?

Do my tits look longer than before?

It's over.

I take it it didn't go well?

It really didn't.

You? I got vomit on myself.

I'm just going to have to borrow a shirt later.

Mm -hmm. Okay. Totally.

I could use a drink. You?

Yeah, yeah. It's a good mix, vomit and whiskey.

Yeah.

Oh, Julie, I'm going to lose my job. This is the third recording I've missed.

Fourth, actually. We didn't record today. Oh, yes, you screwed up, too.

perfect for me.

You have no idea.

I feel so unhinged right now, I don't even recognize myself.

I had a hot flash, and I showed my tits to Oliver's Media Arts Club.

Well, Julie, good news is you got great tits. You got beautiful, big boobies

that he will be proud of. Okay, now look at this. I got a taffy situation going

on here. They've never been longer.

Yeah, you do. You do. But this is about me right now.

I think I finally have to admit to myself that, ah, menopause.

kicking my ass.

So I'm going to do it.

I'm going to start HRT.

Oh my God.

How was your day?

Good. Really fine. It was fine.

Just keeping it tight.

Hey. You waited for me?

That's no problem.

Nice car you have.

It's good. It's a low one. It's a low rider.

Very nice. I like your spoiler, sir.

I like your car. Thanks.

You okay?

Me? Yeah, I'm good. I'm cool.

Do you want to go for a drive?

Let me get that for you.

I think I smell.

I don't care.

Take me out.

When I get home for the first time, I really don't feel

alone. Or anything sad.

Or anything profound.

I just feel gentle like the drug that...

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