Original subtitles

[sirens]

Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.

Oi!

Come and watch pikeys making a mess of the lives they

were given by Him upstairs.

And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.

Wicked!

Piss off.

What sounds on Earth could ever replace kids needing

money, or wives in your face?

Cause this, people reckon--

and me included-- is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented.

To calm us all down, stop us going mental.

These are Chatsworth Estates' basic essentials.

We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.

Well, you shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.

Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers,

who'd come on your face for the price of a beer.

Eh?

All right!

Make poverty history.

Cheaper drugs now!

Make poverty history.

Cheaper drugs now!

[laughter] Scatter!

Party!

LIAM (VOICEOVER): Money was invented by the Algerian

Empire back in 1200 BC.

Heavy coins known as sheckels.

Paper money wasn't invented until 1000

AD, when the Romans got sick of coins

weighing down their togas.

The first recorded use of money was when 12 sheckels

were paid to Algar Hammurabi in return

for the use of his daughter.

I'm not making this up.

It's on the internet.

Some people say having no money isn't that bad.

It teaches you to be, you know, a proper person, and all that.

But people who say that usually live

in nice houses with two cars, and can afford

to talk out of their asses.

Eh--

Forget it.

Start sticking your giro in here, then we'll talk.

LIAM (VOICEOVER): Let's face it--

being poor is shit.

Sorry for swearing, but it's true.

It's shit.

Um--

I paid for the milk.

Party's a goer.

Ian, you all right to close tonight?

Don't know.

Switching off lights, locking doors--

it's a big responsibility.

Here, keep 'em.

You fancy it, you can move into the spare room.

Uh-- we should discuss this first, dear.

Fine.

Take the room.

If you ever manage to get a girlfriend,

you might be glad of it.

You've only got enough for a half.

NEWSCASTER: Now, somewhere here on the Chatsworth Estate

a mystery man or woman is walking around

in possession of a lottery ticket

worth half a million pounds.

Now, according to lottery officials,

that ticket as yet still remains unclaimed.

Lottery.

Idiot tax, innit?

Sign of a poor economy.

NEWSCASTER: That ticket as yet still remains unclaimed.

Hey, more chance of being struck twice by lightning.

At Jockey.

Am I right?

NEWSCASTER: And potentially the ticket could have

been bought in this very shop.

Now, you actually were working on the day the ticket was sold.

Is that not right, Yvonne? - Yes, that's right.

Saturday is a very big lottery day for us.

It's, uh, Friday.

The ticket was bought last thing on that Friday night.

Must be very exciting, nevertheless,

to think that the winner could be someone you actually know.

Yes, well, my shop is very popular.

Friday?

Friday?

Friday, yeah.

My birthday on Friday.

Oh, no.

80 quid.

You're not having a new bloody phone.

Mom, you said you've give us a lift.

Just a sec.

Screw this.

Mom, I need a lift.

I need a phone.

Will you all just shut up?

Was It was him.

Fucking Frank Gallagher.

Yeah, if you could just watch it?

We are actually-- we are actually live.

YVONNE: Frank Gallagher.

NEWSCASTER: Could you just watch your language, yeah?

YVONNE: Frank fucking Gallagher.

NEWSCASTER: Well, there you have it, there.

Frank Gallagher, a very lucky man.

Make sure you stay with us here.

Lucky bastard.

Hope for an answer to the question

I think we're all asking--

where are you, Frank?

What?

Well done, Frank.

You lucky bastard.

[cheering]

It was just a piss, but thank you.

[laughter]

Dad, that guy on the telly-- he's saying

you've won the lottery.

Half a million.

Get this man a drink!

A drink!

Drink?

Yeah.

To celebrate your success.

I'll get him a drink.

I'll get him one!

I'll buy him one.

I'm getting this man a pint.

I'll get him one, and all.

Well, you know, the truth is--

you know-- truth is, see, I didn't

want to boast, or nothing.

It's just-- any chance of a chaser with this?

Get me a double.

I'll get one.

I've been brought up properly, you know?

And it's vulgar to mention money, isn't it?

Still, you know what they say.

You've got to be in it to win it.

Hey!

Way back in ancient Greece, right?

It was the gods themselves who used to reward the heroes.

Do you believe this?

I have no idea.

Keep his tab open.

Put quids in it. Right

Right. Be back later.

Maybe morning.

Well, maybe not till afternoon,

but Jim's parties are legendary.

Don't suppose you could lend us half a million quid or so?

[laughter]

Don't tell me people are actually buying this?

It's been around most of the estate by now.

Busiest night we've had in ages.

Poor bastards down in Guantanamo Bay.

[laughter]

Till I see the check.

Like Romulus and Remus.

Does Mom know yet?

[screaming]

Yeah, she knows.

I tried telling her it was all nonsense, but, you know--

I should have a word with him before he

does something really stupid.

Christ, the croupier.

[laughter]

I'm not saying it-- it was the old miser, but it does assert

some order to the cosmos.

Hello, Debbie.

- Can I see it? - See what?

- The winning ticket. - Yeah.

Show us the ticket.

Yeah.

The winning-- yeah.

Right.

So?

It's in me other jeans.

Aw.

- Other jeans? - Oh, Christ.

You know, they learn to walk at three,

and then they learn to start fucking nagging

by the age of four.

[laughter]

I'm not nagging.

You should see her at home with the housekeeping.

She's got this, like, little tin.

You know, it's all go-- got a tin, got a tin.

[laughter]

Someone has to keep charge of the money.

(MOCKINGLY) Someone has to keep charge of the money.

- Dad. - Dad.

Dad.

Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap.

Like a chihuahua, that is.

Go on!

Go on back and count your discount coupons.

If she won the lottery, it'd stay in that bloody tin.

[laughter]

[mumbling]

I'm giving my notice.

You can't quit.

We've got lottery fever going on here.

All asses on deck.

I'm heir to a fortune now.

Don't need this job.

I'll give you a pay rise.

3 quid an hour.

You're on.

I'm on 3 quid an hour already.

[music playing]

SINGER: Say the first thing that comes into your head

when you see me.

I've got a better idea.

Come on.

[moaning]

What was that?

Shit!

Shit.

It's not your fault, babe.

I mean, who has a fucking karaoke

machine in their flat, eh?

I can still hear him singing.

Home sweet home.

Come on.

I'm sorry about that.

Maybe we can finish off, you know, tomorrow night?

Maybe.

If you get your own bed.

Shit.

Yee-haw!

Money!

Yeah!

We won't need those anymore, will we?

We are in the money, as they say.

Yee-haw!

Money!

Money, money, money!

Debbie, love--

I don't know why you're wasting your time.

We have some money!

Money!

Your secret's safe with me.

Fine.

You should be more careful in future.

Sure.

How long have you known for?

I can't believe it.

I may have never guessed, and usually I

have a radar for these things.

Karen--

Hey.

You don't need to be ashamed.

I'm not ashamed.

I just need to take a piss, all right?

[laughter]

MONICA: That's the instructions.

We're millionaires!

We're millionaires!

Dad, that bloke on the telly is saying you've

won the lottery.

Another pint, Frank?

Get him another one!

Come on.

[mumbling]

Now then, I happen to know that you've

been wanting one of these.

Cool.

And for little Liam--

Don't worry, I haven't forgotten you.

Our princess.

Makeup?

That's the same brand that I use.

You'll be fighting them off with a stick soon.

And for lickle bubba--

You've got a quite a haul there, mom.

Yeah, well, Norma was kind enough

to let us use her credit card.

Yeah, you'll be paying it back, though, Frank.

Soon as the, uh, check arrives.

When is that, exactly?

Well, the thing is there is no money.

[shouting]

[screaming]

Well, the thing is--

it's all, you know, red tape, and that.

You know?

Lottery says it'll be, uh--

another week?

Better be.

And for my rich, successful husband--

about time you embraced the 21st century.

Now we'll always be able to stay in touch.

Fantastic.

Give me your money or the kid gets it.

[beeping]

How's it--

[beeping]

- Hello? - Hiya, love.

I'm just about done, Mrs. Gallagher.

I don't suppose any chance of a cup of tea?

I've just got one more thing to check.

Well, why don't you have a fresh coffee from our brand

new cappuccino machine?

It does the mocha, latte, and frappuccino.

Uh, just tea, thanks.

The council are re-evaluating the house.

We can afford something new now.

Maybe a semi-detached with a garage?

This place can go to someone less fortunate.

We're so lucky.

[whirring]

No family will hassle ya.

You're dead lucky, getting to stay here.

Able to have over who you want.

Even stay the night.

How'd you sleep on the floor last night?

Dead lucky.

How am I supposed to have a sex life without a bed?

- Well, I can get you a bed. - What's the catch?

No catch.

Really.

I can't believe you'd fuck some guy in our bed!

Keep it down!

You're fucking disgusting.

And you're a homophobe.

Ian-- animal, vegetable, mineral--

I couldn't give a monkey's what you're into,

but not in our fucking bed!

You're right.

I'll make it up to you.

But I need to know you're not gonna spread this around.

Promise me, Karen.

Please.

Hey, what's up?

Gay boy here fucked some guy in our bed.

- Fuck's sake! - You're gay?

Really?

Hello?

Not the point.

In our bed.

I thought you weren't going to tell anyone?

It's me husband. I have to tell him.

Look, I don't really care either way.

That's not what I'm worried about.

Jesus!

Hey, you're the guy who used our fucking bed.

You don't get to act all pissed off here, all right?

I tell him everything.

We're totally honest with each other.

So deal with it.

Oh, you tell him everything?

Really? - Yeah.

You tell him how you used to suck off the delivery guy

a 5% discount on crisps?

Or what about the old guy you gave a handjob to for a bet?

Or what about you shagging my dad?

- Shit, I think-- - It's all right.

We're cool.

The longer it goes on, the worse it's going to get.

Not just for you.

For all of us.

You didn't win the lottery.

Well, it's all about perception, Deb, isn't it?

If everyone said the sky is green, then the sky is green.

No.

The sky would still we blue.

Everyone would just be wrong.

You have to tell them.

Debbie.

Aw, come on.

Having money changes things.

People look up to me now.

Well, well done, Dad.

Word's out that people pay attention when

they think you've got cash.

What about the one when you realize every action

has a consequence?

Fucking hell.

It's like being interrogated by the inventor of Scrabble.

[knocking]

Yes?

It's my kitten, mister.

Vet says he needs a new heart.

Will you help him? Please?

Do I look like I've got charity stamped across me

fucking forehead, love?

No.

My Opie's lost both his legs in an industrial accident.

Bloody hell.

And the government stopped his disability benefit.

The bastards.

You're his only hope.

Tell 'em.

J-- oh!

Don't fucking follow, you know?

Please.

Mister.

Fucking off.

Come on.

Come on.

Laddy.

Yeah, it's all right.

What's up with you?

It's a free bed.

Nothing.

I'm just worried about stuff.

Never mind.

- Is it springy? - Eh?

The bed.

Heard a bounce on it.

Very springy.

Better get a move on.

Who did you say this belonged to?

Told ya. A mate of mine.

He's moving to Costa Rica. Don't need it.

Costa Rica?

You can't even make up a convincing sounding story,

can ya?

Admit it!

You nicked it. - I did not.

You're the worst liar I've ever met!

We've got to go and dump this.

I'm not risking carting around some knock off!

Fuck you!

I bought it, OK?

I fucking paid for it!

50 quid, from a mate!

I bought you the fucking bed!

OK. Calm down.

Dick!

I didn't mean to--

why would you buy me a bed?

[siren]

Shite sticks!

I thought you said this bed wasn't stolen?

It's not.

That's me dad's van!

Well, I couldn't stick the bed in a limo, could I?

Frankie!

[cheering]

Listen, Frank, we stuck these on your tab.

It's all right, innit?

Yeah, yeah. of course.

Share the wealth, and all that.

What's with the dirty eyeball?

Nothing.

Well, I believe there was talk of a pint?

[phone ringing]

Thanks, love.

Hello?

MAN: Is that Frank Gallagher?

Lucky Lotto winner Frank Gallagher?

Yes, this is he.

MAN: Do you love your children, Frank?

Is that a trick question?

MAN: We have your son.

What's that?

MAN: Your son, Liam.

Half a million quid if you want to see him again.

We'll be in touch.

Do you love children, Mr. Gallagher?

What did you say?

What the fuck did you say?

It's just-- starving children. Africa.

Could use your help.

The fuck--

[shouting]

Liam!

Does the jacuzzi come with silver chrome, as well?

Mom.

Monica, have you seen little Liam anywhere?

He's probably in his room, or something.

Right.

And does that one come with the deluxe bubbles package?

Cleaning windows?

Uh, obviously.

Yeah, it looks nice.

Great conservatory. - All right, OK.

What's with the friendly fucking neighbor act?

It's my little one, Liam.

He's been kidnapped.

I thought you'd know something about it.

Oh!

You've got a fucking nerve, Gallagher.

I would never touch kids.

No!

No, jesus.

I meant I thought you'd know what to do.

Oh, well why didn't you say so, then?

Oh, don't fucking hit me again.

Have they contacted you?

Made demands?

The whole half million.

Are you winding me up?

No.

Fuck.

Ow.

I'll talk to some folk.

Ask around.

See if anyone's heard anything.

You told the wife?

Told the police?

No.

Don't.

She'll only panic, and they'll only cock it up.

And from my experience, neither of those has a happy ending.

Anybody asks, he's staying with his girlfriend.

All right?

All right.

Terrible fucking world we live in, Gallagher.

Yeah.

I'll keep you posted.

Yeah.

[moaning]

Fucking--

What?

What is it?

Hey.

You actually-- fucked Frank Gallagher?

[sigh] I thought you said you were cool with everything?

Yeah.

OK?

I did.

Jesus, Karen.

What happened to some quality control, eh?

Yeah, I know.

I know.

It's not the best idea I ever had.

Then I met you.

And everything changed.

I became better.

I became me.

Oh, don't do this.

Don't make me feel like that.

I'm sorry.

You know, I didn't say anything.

You didn't need to.

We're not having sex.

But we're gay.

It's not a club.

There aren't rules.

I got you a bed.

You also got me arrested.

I'm going to sleep.

Sorry about the cloak and dagger act.

Didn't want to alarm the family.

You manage to find anyhting out?

I tried, Francis.

Believe me, I tried.

Where is he?

I don't know anything, Paddy!

Tell me what you know.

I don't know anything!

[shouting]

I tried.

Nothing.

Not a word.

Unfortunately, I think your best option is to grit your teeth

and pay the bastards.

What-- what if I don't pay them?

This is your son we're talking about.

You've got half a million quid.

You disgust me.

Do you want a smoothie?

I'm thinking about getting a new phone.

Debbie.

Your mom's lost the keys to the storeroom.

Do you know where a spare set is?

Cheers.

Wait.

You can't leave.

What?

Well, you might tell someone what you've seen,

and that would ruin everything.

What are you talking about?

Debbie?

What have you done?

Why'd you have to go and spoil everything?

I'm not.

He hasn't won the lottery.

It's half a million quid, Debbie.

It doesn't matter how much it was.

It doesn't exist.

You're just hurting us all by pretending it does.

No, you mean you're pissed off at him,

and just want to teach him a lesson.

Mom has already maxed out Norma's credit card.

We could lose the house.

Yeah, I am pissed off at him.

God, you think you know better than everybody else.

Because I do know better.

ANd I'm going to prove it to you.

Chesney, I need you to do it one more time.

Fuck's sake.

Moving on to phase three.

Cool.

[phone ringing]

Yeah? Yeah?

Yeah?

We want the money, Frank.

Yeah. I've got-- yeah, the money.

Yeah, of course. No problem, yeah.

Tell the truth, Frank, or we'll hurt your kid.

I am.

I am.

Just-- fucking just don't touch him.

I don't believe you, Frank.

Say goodbye to his little finger.

[screaming]

Oh, fuck!

LIAM: Mom!

Mom! No!

FRANK: Don't hurt him.

Don't hurt-- look, there was no money!

There never was!

I lied. All right?

I just-- I just--

Please.

Hello?

Fucking--

Hey.

I stayed at Mom and Dad's.

Sofa job.

Don't remember asking.

Look, I don't want to ruin everything.

You gonna be normal, then?

Well, I'm going to try.

I just let me head get bent out of shape.

Well, while you were away being all mean and moody,

the toilets in the ladies' went a bit exorcist.

But don't worry, I've got a plumber

coming to look at it later.

Nothing for you to worry about.

Feel free to carry on with your whole James Dean act.

James Dean?

It wasn't meant as a compliment.

Yeah, well, I'm taking it as one.

You're a twat, Jamie Maguire.

Better put Dad out of his misery.

I just hope he's learned his lesson.

Uh-oh.

That is not good.

Just act natural.

You know nothing.

Don't go.

It might be for something else.

It's not the time we've had the police here.

Please let it be domestic violence.

OFFICER: We're gonna do everything

we can to get him back.

I promise you.

I'm sorry, Debbie.

You can't be in here.

I, uh, thank you so much for coming in at such short notice.

I've turned the water off like you told me to.

God, I've missed that arse.

What are you doing?

Sorting through the coupons.

Kind of-- therapeutic.

You don't need to do that.

Well, if it weren't for you, we'd have no food

in the fridge, would we?

You're like a little Mussolini, making

all the trains run on time.

Thanks.

It'll be all right.

Fucking no it--

it won't, Deb.

Not this time.

It's all my fault. Whomever God wishes to destroy,

he first makes proud.

I drew them all in with me fool's gold, and then--

you know, they took away--

one of me real treasures.

Liam's next door.

What?

He's fine.

Five fingers each hand.

10 fingers in all.

Well, unless you're one of them people

that don't count thumbs as fingers.

What are you talking about?

It was me.

I kidnapped him.

You kidnapped your own brother?

Only cause I wanted you to tell the truth.

Come here!

Do you have any idea what you've put me through?

Eha My fucking mother through? - Dad!

No, Debbie. No!

No, you can't do that.

I was only trying to help.

You're just interfering.

Telling me what to do, as per fucking usual!

So what are you going to do?

- What? - About it all.

All these people that believe--

It's not my fucking fault.

Oh, no.

No.

It never is your fault, is it?

You just stumble from moment to moment, leaving the rest of us

to pick up your shit.

Fuck.

Well, not anymore.

You're on your own.

[groaning]

Dad'll be able to sort this.

Get us out of here.

Probably knock me teeth out at the same time, but--

That doesn't help me anymore, does it?

I had a really cute guy lined up last night.

You've met someone else?

Yeah.

- You're in love with him? - What?

No.

So-- any chance of a blowjob?

Mickey--

Aw, just for fun.

There's nothing else to do.

Be good practice for ya, too.

Please?

- Don't say please. - Why?

What's wrong with me?

Nothing's wrong with you.

Well, maybe you act a bit desperate.

And you're a littel needy.

And you need to-- you know, just go out there.

Have a life.

Cause me and you, we're just mates.

Nothing more. Just mates.

Just mates?

Makes OK.

A wank, then?

I'm just going to ignore you till your dad shows up.

Hello.

Look, Debs-- cards on the old table, you know?

Nothing up the sleeve.

I need your help.

Of course you do.

But you're not getting it.

You know, it's like--

you know "The Wizard of Oz," right?

I'm standing there like the Cowardly

Lion, Tin Man, gay scarecrow. You know, whatever.

And you're like the little man behind the curtains.

You know, working all the controls.

And-- basically, I'm fucked, love.

Your head's bleeding.

Yeah.

That was a good shot, wasn't it?

Bullseye.

Here.

Thanks.

So, you need to find a way to get out

of everyone thinking you've won half a million

without them lynching ya.

Yeah, that would be nice.

And a way to get Liam back without the police

charging you for wasting time.

Again, nice.

Good luck with it, then.

Giro.

What?

Every fortnight, in the housekeeping tin.

Your giro.

Do you know how many strings I had to pull

to to get you out of there?

No.

Five.

Get in the car!

What's the big hurry?

Liam's got kidnapped.

What?

No, no, it's OK.

I was behind it all.

Jesus--

Yeah, anyway, Carl still don't believe

me that Dad's full of it, so Chesney

cut off his little finger.

Why the fuck would Chesney cut off Carl's finger?

No, dumbo.

We chopped off Liam's finger.

Liam's?

We didn't actually do it.

Anyway, Dad's called the police, and they're

taking it really seriously.

They're going to stop at nothing to catch the kidnappers.

- The kidnappers being you? - Bingo.

Look, I don't have a clue what's going on.

Well, you'd better get an idea fast.

Otherwise, we're F-U-C-K'd.

All right.

All right.

Give me a minute, here.

Do you want me to start from the beginning?

No. Please, don't.

Two nights.

Two nights I turn my back.

Yeah.

Cheers for returning my calls.

I was in jail!

It's not a competition, Ian.

So what are we going to do?

First thing you're going to do is take it easy and stay low.

You're already too close to it.

But yeah, I've got an idea.

I'm not sure it's the best idea ever,

but it's the only one I've got.

Is it all right if we borrow this?

You lot are fucking nuts.

You know that?

You know what you're doing, yeah?

Just stick to Ian's plan, OK?

Maybe we'll all end up in jail.

Just make sure you don't fuck it up.

The police are gonna be listening in this time.

[phone ringing]

It's them.

[phone ringing]

Yeah.

Go on.

Answer.

Hello?

Frank, listen carefully.

This is what we want you to do.

Button up.

Say something.

Something.

Loud and clear.

Right.

The moment you your son, we're in.

We'll take him down.

Make sure you get your money back.

No.

I don't care about the money.

You don't do anything.

The only thing that matters is that we get Liam back.

That's all.

You're gonna let these scumbags

walk away with half a million?

You don't have children, do ya?

The money doesn't matter.

- Uh, ladies? - Oh.

Sorry, love. Official business.

Plumber.

[whistling]

Have to have a word with Ian about missing his shift.

What's with the plumber?

What?

Oh, yeah.

He's, uh-- he's a mate of mine.

We go way back.

He said he'd take a look.

I had somebody taking a look.

Yeah, well, I decided to let him go.

I just wanted to use someone I knew.

I thought you said you were over this?

And unless you've invented a time machine, or something,

I can't change things, can I?

You know how many people I've been with?

You can count them on one hand.

Half a hand.

Me finger and thumb.

So the only way you'll feel equal--

feel comfortable-- is if you sleep

with the same amount of people?

Well, go on then.

Get yourself down to Lillian's.

Take the cash card.

Don't stop until we're quids.

What?

You're telling me to go and sleep with a bunch of prozzies?

I am telling you that I love you,

and I will do whatever it takes to make this work.

So whatever it takes for you to feel normal,

Just fucking do it.

Now's probably a bad time, right?

Yeah.

Right.

The moment he gets the boy, we move in.

But Mrs. Gallagher said that--

I know what she said.

But this is our collar.

No one leaves that warehouse without us locking it down.

Approaching the, uh, perimeter now.

[beeping]

Liam.

Liam.

Shh.

What do you want?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh!

It's gone tits up!

Go, go, go!

You slept with my wife!

Who the fuck's your wife?

Karen, you ignorant bastard!

Oh, fucking-- just ancient history.

It's old news.

I don't care if it was years ago.

You're a dirty fucker.

I might not be able to get every one of them,

but I can start with you! - Right.

Great.

And what are you going to do for an encore?

You what?

Well, after you've gone all Captain Caveman on me,

are you going to run around the estate being all the others up?

Eh?

Yeah, you should be busy for six months.

Brilliant.

Meanwhile, little wife is at home alone, wondering

why she married such a catch.

Fuck, you should just finish it, pal, if you hate her that much.

I don't hate her.

I love her.

Oh, well, I've got tears in me eyes.

You feel better after that, then?

No.

No, I don't.

I think I've got issues.

Well, welcome to the party.

[screaming]

- Gotcha! - No!

Fucking stop.

Just get out. Just let him go!

Let him go!

What?

He's the-- the big hero around here.

He-- he saved me life.

It's empty!

The bad guys went that-a-way.

Come on!

Go away Right, you go that way.

[beeping]

I'm really sorry.

It's just-- all those things I don't know about you

nearly drove me crazy.

Here.

That's a list of everybody I've slept with.

So you know everything.

I'm not ashamed of me past, and I'm

not disgusted by it, either.

But I am glad it led to you.

Total honesty.

Come here.

Hey.

That plumber you hired tried to hit on me.

I had to kick his ass out the door.

Oh, well, well.

Prodigal returns.

You've missed three shifts.

And almost fucked up our marriage.

Well, I'm sorry.

What I said earlier-- I overreacted.

It's all right, mate.

We'll be fine.

Just gotta get used to living with a slut.

She has changed a lot.

I meant you, gay boy.

FRANK: Hey, Calvein Klein, there's

folk dying of thirst out here.

I need to clear my credit card, Frank.

Where's the money?

Oh, the money.

Right.

Dad.

Tell them the truth.

Will you all just shut up?

That'll bring you luck, that, love.

Really?

Yeah.

I stand before you today not as a man,

but as a father of a very special girl who--

the point is that--

I didn't win the lottery.

What?

Fuck me.

Did he just say he didn't win?

Typical fucking Gallagher.

There's no cash.

Been drinking himself sick.

Not that truth.

The other truth.

The kidnapping one.

Half a million ransom.

Right.

You--

New tin.

Got a key and a lock, and all.

Can't trust anyone around here.

Don't worry.

You'll still get your pocket money.

Debs.

I come from nothing, and I'll end up with nothing.

You know, what's in between doesn't matter.

Have a penny, lose a penny.

Hakuna matata.

That's me.

Dad?

Yeah?

The spare key, please.

Thank you.

LIAM (VOICEOVER): Debbie says money

really can't buy you happiness.

Doesn't mean I wouldn't like to try it every once in a while.

It can, however, but you a cappuccino machine,

a wide screen telly, a trip to Disneyland,

those wrestling action figures which are kinda gay,

but I still want them--

and a pair of trainers that light up when you walk

would be cool.

Maybe even some roller blades.

Oh-- fireworks.

That'd be mint.

[theme music]