Original subtitles

[chime]

[sirens]

FRANK: Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.

Oy.

MONICA: Come watch pikeys making a mess is the lives they

were given by him upstairs.

And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.

Wicked.

Piss off.

What sounds on earth could ever replace kids needing

money or wives in your face.

'Cause this, people reckon, me included,

is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented to calm us

all down, stop us going mental.

These are Chatsworth Estates' basic essentials.

We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.

Well, you shit on our heads, but you pay the taxes.

Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers

who'll cum on your face for the price of a beer, eh?

Hey.

Make poverty history.

Cheaper drugs now.

Make poverty history.

Cheaper drugs now.

Hey, hey, hey, ow.

[music playing]

[chiming music]

MONICA (VOICEOVER): Whore, cow, bitch,

slag, tart, lezzer, dyke--

I've been called all sorts in my time,

sometimes by people who say they love me in the next breath.

[birds screaming]

MONICA (VOICEOVER): There's no word for the worst thing I've

done, no single word, no insult. I don't suppose there's

any way I can make up for it.

I keep trying though.

[peacock call]

MONICA (VOICEOVER): All I need to do now is to admit me faults

and say what I am, what I really am.

My name is Monica Gallagher.

And I'm-- I'm tryin'.

Ah.

[music playing]

[vomiting]

Tell me mum, I can't live with the stench of me dad's feet.

Hard to believe, that.

Then why don't you move back?

CARL: There's loads more space. - Everybody.

There's different types of space.

MONICA: I've got a little announcement to make.

Mother's smother.

I am gonna to have another little baby.

Yeah.

[cheering]

[dogs barking]

Well, we've been tryin' all this

time ever since I come back.

Well, you could have fucking told me.

Take it with you when you bugger off.

'Cause I'm lookin' after it.

Where's it gonna go? LIAM: Not ours.

We'll have to hope it's a girl then.

No chance, I'm not sharin'.

Congratulations.

When's it due?

Doctor will us that when I get it confirmed.

You've taken a test?

I don't need to.

I've had me visions, nursery rhymes, birds, eggs.

No, I am most definitely with child.

[flute music]

Best nosh, a night in the finest hotel,

baked in luxury, a 40th birthday to go down in history.

Wish you'd let us join in.

Yeah, it's not fair.

You can get us a pressie.

Aye, a big'un.

She'll have a big fucking bash [inaudible]

My Paddy's planned this, which means it's perfect.

You ah, toddlin' off into town?

Oh, don't know if I can be bothered.

OK.

[inaudible] choose a frock.

Oh.

Do you want a lift in the limo?

I'll get the bus.

Why don't we have a bash.

Tryin' to give the game away spunk bubble?

No, I was just throwin' her off scent.

It's classic tactics.

Never, ever attempt to act on initiative.

When every fucker shouts surprise.

I want her to stop.

I want her skin in a pile on the floor.

And a Mimi shaped hole in the ceiling.

Great woe will descend upon anybody who

blows this, comprendo dicko?

Mm-hm.

IAN: You gonna hang this up in your bedroom after the party?

Oy, my mum.

I'm beginning to think we should have said not now.

It's easy.

As long as we don't run out of beer, they'll be happy.

Isn't what your dad thinks.

He's been sweatin' on this for months.

Months.

He's got people coming from all over.

Australia.

We've had lots of do's.

Not when my application is being looked at.

Brewery can chuck us out anytime now.

All night porn shop is the last thing I need.

What's this?

This is your entertainment, slide shows,

karaoke, glitter balls, Ceilidh music, all Mimi's fav's.

But there's so much I need to.

Hey, relax.

I'm holdin' you personally responsible for everythin'.

There's stuff I need to get.

A pint and a bucket of ice for my great big bollocks.

Two weeks for an appointment?

Yeah, wouldn't let me wait.

Doctor is very busy so I shopped.

You've had these lame-brain visions before, you know.

You weren't stuffed up then.

Yeah, but not like this.

So you're not even sure?

[chiming music]

Shouldn't you be at school?

The thought of you and my dad doin' it has made me ill.

You should take a test, Mon.

MONICA: This little bub is gonna make up for any mistakes

I've made, one for me.

DEBBIE: Oh thanks.

What if it's phantom?

Oh, go on then.

I'll take a test.

Lend us one of yours.

I haven't got any.

What kind of teenager are ya?

DEBBIE: Go next door.

Meena's got loads.

I'm fertile Frank [inaudible] dead eye Dick Gallagher is me,

eh, poncy.

No waste.

I'm like your cowboys in a white hat.

Cowboys in black hats come crashing through the window,

spray lead all over the fuckin' shop.

Miss every bastard and kick the saloon door open, hello, boys.

[inaudible] bidin' me time.

[pin ball machine noises]

[guitar chimes]

Draw.

[gunshot]

Dusted over, all up the duff in this case.

How long's mom been back?

Oh, forever.

You not that spunky then, are ya, dead eye?

She'll be out for a second, let her by now.

Just stick it on the slate, spotty herbert.

A pig.

Spit roast for me mum's rave.

Not in the footballer sense.

Do we leave it there?

How the fuck should I know?

I'll make some room in the cellar.

Got to take a date to me mum's party.

I'm workin'.

A girl, smart ass.

If we don't find one, we've gotta take Nana Murphy.

Kisses for Nana.

Just drag along some [inaudible] or Norma.

No, I'm gonna to do it for real, get a cure.

For what?

Gay.

Found one on the internet, fucking insane

American Christians.

But they know a thing or two about not wankin' over blokes.

What do you do?

Well, you train your mind to stop thinkin' about

sex and cocks and that.

Yeah, it's mind over.

[female singing] Can you feel this?

Do you want this?

[screeching on vinyl record]

- Even that don't bother me. - Tit.

I'll say the ass.

Is it cold enough in here?

It'll have to be.

Freezer's full.

Oh.

Bollocks.

Oi.

[knocking]

Oi, we're locked in, help.

Jamie, no.

JAMIE: Come on, let us out.

Yeah.

Shit.

Quick.

He's gonna cork it.

They'll drink it all, hurry up, mate.

[everyone hollering]

Mm.

[music playing]

You're Stan.

Told you I was clever.

Good.

We both lied the same amount.

You have no hair and you are overweight.

I am short and sent the best photograph ever taken.

[speaking russian]

Thank you.

But that's Russian.

I'm Ukrainian.

Hello, Irana.

Hello, Stan.

Please.

What a dick, dick, dick.

They'd have noticed soon enough anyway.

[footsteps on the stairs]

Karen?

You all right?

[music playing]

I tried to stop'em.

The party stuff, Mimi's things, the book.

Paddy is going to explode.

[hands clap]

I am Spartacus.

[bottles rattling]

NORMA: Why won't you let us in?

MONICA: I can't have you around when me nickers are down.

I know you're like.

Hold on.

[soft music]

It's not-- it's--

what's wrong?

Five, six, piss on sticks.

[soft music]

DEBBIE: No line, no baby, you're not pregnant result.

No, I don't understand.

NORMA: Menopause.

She's too young.

Hormones all over the fuckin' house.

That's why you're gettin' your visions.

Oh, no.

Hot flushes, depression, insomnia, irritability,

night sweats, vaginal dryness.

Please.

NORMA: It's part of being a woman.

Comes to us all.

It's comin' to her first, mind.

No more babies.

[flute music]

No more babies for Monica.

I'm not pleased.

You said you were coming back for the ones

you left, not to pop another.

I say a lot of things.

They hate me.

Oh, Mon, they don't.

If I left now, this minute, take 'em two days to notice.

Well.

They'd shrug and then they'd carry on like they expect it,

if they expect anything.

I'm just temporary, a visitor, an unwelcome one.

You're their mum.

[dogs barking]

I like being full of baby.

I'm good with them too, when they come out when

they're little and helpless.

And then they grow up.

And I fuck it up.

You had to leave.

You were ill.

Yeah.

Hey, there'd have been no me and you if you hadn't.

[soft music]

I'm never going to get it right now.

You didn't get it wrong.

You were depressed, desperate.

Mm.

And I never thought I'd feel like that again.

[soft music]

[ominous music]

Sorry bad news.

What?

We've had a robbery and we can't do your party.

What party?

Would that be a surprise party?

Sorry, I-- I didn't know.

No, neither did I, but I do now.

Paddy's gonna rip your lungs out.

You've really crossed the line this time, shithead.

[guitar twangs]

Fuck.

[guitar twangs]

Didn't me dad tell ya?

Obviously not.

Sorry, again.

JAMIE: It's a good job she already knew then.

What?

He chucks one every year.

It's not a surprise if you know.

Paddy doesn't know I know.

That means it's a surprise.

And if my Paddy wants me to have a party, I'm havin' one.

Who's ruined surprise?

[inaudible] there.

She already knew.

Hey, it's not the point.

None of us told her.

It's done now.

Karen's an idiot.

But she can't help that.

Drop what you're doin'.

We know who took it, twats, the drinkin' here.

Threaten them.

Hate them.

Bring everything back here.

Not a word to your dad.

Party's on.

Any more dropped tids, Paddy'll know you told me.

[sirens]

One fuckin' warning.

Maguire's want every piece of fuckin' shite

from the Jockey back, everything.

You give it up now or you're fuckin' dead.

[bang]

Yeah, that should do it.

Oi.

[funky music]

Have you reported it?

Not insured.

We could catch him.

[shouting in the streets]

Why are we here?

Couple of drinks was the idea.

I'm not British.

I don't need to get drunk to have sex.

Well, not even the first time?

[flute music]

Oh.

[moaning and groaning]

Who?

It must be Valerie, that dumpster from accounts.

Is always sharin' her cheesy quavers.

Stan eh?

Dirty fuck pig pounding away.

Heard the cheeks bouncing.

All that sex gets you kind of hot, couldn't it?

Oh, Stan in there, if he can do it, what you say?

I say, feel free to crack one off.

Perv.

[moaning and groaning]

[music playing]

What you doin'?

No more little baby's.

Won't be needin' these.

Christ sake, Monica, you're bein' a bit.

Kids always desert the parents in the end, all of them,

like you've deserted yours.

I'm two doors away.

[children playing outside]

Can you take her away?

Reminds me of what I've lost.

Monica, get a grip.

[flute music]

What?

Oh, sorry, I'm Tom.

Irana, a good friend, Stan's.

Shtan.

It's Eastern Europe.

He's bought her, mail order bride, gold digger, drugs mule.

Trouble.

He needs our help.

No, you're jumpin' to conclusions there.

Copper's nose.

I think you met, Tom, Irana.

Irana?

Ruskie?

Ukrainian.

I'll run her through the computer at work.

No offense.

No you won't.

She's a friend, someone I trust.

We're a pretty tight group here.

Sure you're up for joinin'?

Carrie.

Shit, stop it.

Don't do that.

Bastard.

What you doin' Friday, love?

What?

Do you want to come to a party with me?

What a fuck.

I know where you live.

What the fuck, prick?

[guitar twanging music]

[dogs barking]

[knocking]

I was a bit heavy handed there.

I was?

No, just a tad.

I'm very protective of my boys.

Sorry.

Put the kettle on Stanley.

I'll show Irana where to put the shampoo.

Full name, quickly.

Irana Janowicz Kruzkozaviska.

I'll need a copy of your passport.

Oh.

So why didn't you say anything?

Didn't want to jinx it.

Well, get on.

I think this is somethin'--

I can't say.

She's lovely.

Yeah, I heard.

There's more to it.

It's not just sex.

This is real.

Shtan has paid for my flight, nothing else.

I'm here for a month until visa runs, then home, or sooner.

Neither of us has made any promises.

I'm no threat to you.

I know you're not.

Sooner sounds good to me.

Consider yourself under surveillance.

And say nothing to Stan.

[ominous music]

You'll be out of a job?

If we don't get all the crap back, yeah.

Where's this from?

Fuck sake.

[ominous music]

Agh.

MANDY: Mon?

Give us some advice on a recipe, will ya?

[dogs barking]

Well, I guess it's not me souffle recipe you're after.

Time for me to snap out of it, is it?

They don't need to see you wallowin'.

I know your kids.

They're a good bunch despite you.

Don't think of the one you're not havin'.

Think of the one's you've got.

I'm sorry.

[chiming music]

I suppose you agree with her.

You can't let yourself sink away again.

I got you through this before.

Mm.

Me escape.

You know I was just using you, don't you?

No real feeling.

In know you're tryin' to hurt us.

Congratulations.

You're on your own again.

[flute music]

You only met her five minutes since.

You got a feel for people in my job.

I can tell what she's like, I've said things to her

I've never said to anyone else.

It's mad, I know.

But I really do feel like I've known her forever.

Sounds like you've really fallin' for her big time.

Oh, I'm dreadin' her leavin' already.

Well, there's not a moment to lose.

If you think you found something special, then go for it.

You think?

Yeah.

Go on, off you go. Go find her.

Go tell her.

Hey.

Oh, keep the change.

[cash register beeping]

I'm fucked for that.

You've no need to do that.

It's disgusting.

I had to. - Thanks.

Hey, I-- I-- I got you.

For me?

Yeah.

Thank you, Shtan.

Oh.

Are you all right?

I have allergy to chocolate.

Oh, oh, sorry.

It's OK.

There's so much I don't know about you.

- It's a little thing. - Not to me.

I mean, I want to know everything.

I've been waitin' for you me whole life, without realizin'

obviously.

You-- you're the perfect fit, all I need.

I mean, I found you.

Come on, I want to talk to you.

Shtan.

I know--

I know this is a bit quick.

But I can't stand the thought of you goin' back.

I don't want us to be apart.

Neither do I.

So, I think you should move in here with me, together.

I don't know how to say--

No need for an answer now.

But think about it.

Shtan, yes, I will think about it.

[music playing]

[sirens]

KAREN: Sure, can you fucking read?

Don't fuck it up.

I know your family, Karen, but nothing matters as much to me

as my wife.

Who did it?

Everyone.

It was my fault.

Don't cover for her.

That's pathetic.

You two, get it all back.

We've already started.

We've acted on his initiative.

Oh yeah?

Well, why didn't you tell me first?

Karen said not to.

[guitar twanging]

[sirens]

I haven't always done me best.

There's no point sayin' that I'll

change or make it up to ya.

Because that can't happen.

I was wrong.

I am a bad mother.

But I do really love ya.

And you love me, well, you did when you were babies,

even you Liam.

It's you I've let down the most.

Wish I could go back.

But all I can do is learn to love you all better.

[music playing]

What's this? - English.

You don't want to do that now.

Go on up to bed.

It's due tomorrow.

I'll do it for ya.

[chiming music]

See you at 10:00.

Thank you.

Is this a brothel?

Course not.

We provide exclusive executive services.

Like what?

Hand shandies, blow jobs, sex.

Why do have that?

I thought it'd make a nice visitors book.

But nobody bothers to sign it, not with the real names anyway.

Can't get lever into this, could you mate?

[phone rings] MICKEY: Bastard.

Lilian's intimate massage.

[piano music]

They'll think I'm a learnin' diffie.

Mom is so challenged.

You know why her lips move when she's readin' now.

LIAM: What am I gonna do?

Can't show that.

Dog ate it.

Mornin'.

I've made you packed lunches.

Thought I'd save a job for you all, just um

sandwiches, crisp sort of thing.

What's the matter?

We get free dinners.

Yeah, well, this is extra, playtime.

I've left school.

I work in the Jockey if it's still open.

Did you find your homework, Liam?

All right were it?

Yeah, it was a-- great.

Top of the cross, eh, Liam?

Yeah, yeah, thanks Mum.

And get back early 'cause we're having a barbecue.

[horn blowing]

[chiming music]

How'd you know it's her?

Of course it is.

We can tell him.

We can't.

Well-- I suppose not.

She's gone?

Yeah, kitty's gone, too.

Oh.

Ah.

[flute music]

Why'd you have to do that?

You know he's fallin' that over for her.

Yeah.

Sad.

Paddy shot the CD off, right?

Ceilidh.

Ceilidh?

Diddley dee.

I want ballroom dancin', been droppin' hints

about Bruce fuckin' Forsyth for months.

Lose the hippie shit.

I want the posh stuff.

What's that?

Give us it.

Oh, those bastards.

We're closed.

Yeah, I noticed.

What says you anyway?

I'm Tyldesley from the brewery.

Heard you got a problem.

[ominous music]

How's it goin' for dates then and who's takin' Nana?

- Piss off. - How about you Mickey?

I'm fixed up.

Are ya?

Fuck, me, again, fuck.

[dogs barking]

How's the um unquenchable thirst for hot cock?

NORMA:

It's a girl.

A girl?

I'd warn her before you put it in.

Oh.

Come on, Shane.

There's beer match in here.

[glass shatters]

At least we still got a chance.

Oh, not now, Frank.

The fine people of Chatsworth have appointed

me spokesman on their behalf.

People don't like the way that you're runnin' the Jockey.

Well, it's not just a pub, a place of ale,

it's a second home to most of us, first for some.

We need that beer flowin'.

NORMA:

Well, you can communicate to the fuckwits of Chatsworth that

unless this public house is full of furniture and running

smoothly by tonight, they're fuckin' closing

me fucking down.

You're shittin' me?

[funky music]

It's all right, go on.

Thought I could, um, light the barbie.

Oh, thanks, love.

[dogs barking]

Oh, there you are.

Now I know it's meat, but would you mind taking it out for us?

What's that?

We're not speakin'.

Why not?

No real feelin', and sayin' it like--

like--like we was nothin'.

Don't you want the truth?

- Not if it's that. - Agh.

Agh.

Agh.

No, no, no, Liam's on fire.

Mum.

Oh, just another minute and--

who give him the lighter?

[sirens]

Are you all right?

Yeah.

Have I still got eyebrows?

Just, you're hair's a bit.

DEBBIE: What were you doing, Mum?

I thought he was old enough.

It's a responsibility.

He's going through a phase, fire, danger.

I do know, Debbie.

He is my son.

There are other ways of dealin' with it.

Oh, come on.

Get gas on.

We'll do meat in oven, eh?

Flame on, bro.

I'll do it.

[piano music]

It's all there.

Sorry. - Where have you been?

I ran away.

I was going home.

Didn't want to scare you about movin' in, in there.

No, you didn't.

I'm liar.

I lie.

I'm married.

I didn't mean to lie.

My husband is complicated.

I would divorce.

But my parents would become homeless.

I'm trapped.

But you came back.

I couldn't leave.

You're my real man.

I had to tell you the truth.

And here you say you didn't want me.

Say it, Shtan.

[soft music]

What's all this?

Irana's done me the honor of agreein' to move in.

Wow.

Well done, mate.

When was this?

Before or after she returned the kitty?

Well, after.

Don't be like that.

No, I'm really pleased for you both, really I am.

Well Irana's gonna go home to organize her affairs.

But there's no hurry.

You won't have to move out for a couple of weeks, yeah.

- What? - What?

Well, it's not gonna work with you two here as well, is it?

The flat's in my name.

[soft music]

[sirens]

Come on, that's got to be worth a free beverage.

You nicked it in the first place.

That's--

JAMIE: I'll buy you one, Frank.

You're a gentleman, whoever you are.

Very impressive.

Thank you.

A shit hole once more.

Back to normal and running smoothly, like you said.

Gonna give him a chaser with that?

Oh.

I put an order in.

Well, not fast enough, close, but no sorry cigar.

You're shut Monday.

Oh.

Looks like you got a fortune in your new landlord, Garreth.

[guitar twanging]

I'm impressed.

Didn't think you'd have it in ya.

We haven't.

They're closing us down.

Twat from the brewery stated a writeup.

When?

Out Monday.

If you're for a positive spin, at least

we can still have the party.

What?

Well, why not?

Take your mind off things.

I can't believe you.

We're homeless, and all you care about is a poxy party.

You're not homeless.

You can stop at our.

Can't persuade Mandy back.

But you know you've always got a home with me.

You fucking joking?

Live with you?

You're a selfish old hag.

We're trying to make a go of something here.

And all you care about is yourself.

Well fuck you.

I won't be at your party.

I'll be packing.

What have I said now?

We've been here before, Mum.

I agree with her.

[music playing]

Been thinkin' about other things we could do together,

trips and that.

We could ah-- could go to Blackpool.

LIAM: Agh.

Or the Lakes.

[boat horn]

The zoo.

[screaming]

LIAM: Cool.

Tea's ready when you are.

[tv voices]

Can even bare thinkin' about it.

Preferred her when she was shit.

Yeah.

DEBBIE: We should just tell her, we don't like ya.

Stop tryin' to be a proper mom 'cause you can't be.

She left us.

And you're just rubbish.

Oh, oh, oh.

Aren't you bored of bein' so hard on her?

Try bein' nice for a change.

[music playing]

[sirens]

[music playing]

Come in.

Can't yet.

Something to do.

[music playing]

What's this?

Happy Mother's Day.

For all the ones we missed.

Let's start again, eh?

Oh, thanks.

And you don't have to try too hard, you know.

We're just glad you're here, home, like a family again.

We are so pleased.

[music playing]

You're all um sendin' me a message.

I'll back off.

I get it.

[music playing]

It won't take long, zen I'll be free.

Oh, I-- I'll miss ya, that's all.

You're worried I won't come back.

God no.

I hadn't thought about that.

My mother gave me this before she died.

And she say I should wear forever so she could

watch over most precious thing.

Now, I have most precious thing.

Don't--

[soft music]

No.

[soft music]

Happy birthday, Mimo.

Oh, thanks, turtle.

And here's to 40 more together.

Pressie time.

Shut the door, piss off.

[music playing]

Stay here.

No goodbyes.

[music playing]

You're a special guy, Shtan.

[soft music]

Got a mate who'll lend us a bed for a week.

I am not stayin' with anybody whose name is Chopper.

What are you doin'?

Oh, you said Monday.

Tommy is a bit confused.

You've been doin' everythin' by the book.

He's losin' out.

Tell her, Tom.

I'll offer you the same deal I gave, Jess.

Which is?

Water the beer down, sell dodgy spirits,

and then split the difference.

Don't say yes, Karen.

Fuck it, yeah, I'll do it.

Should have said.

Don't know all the scams.

Nice doing business with ya.

Thanks.

Sorry I called you selfish.

And an old hag.

Yeah.

Now get your fuckin' ass into gear.

Anyway, she can't eat them.

And I'm watching this.

Thanks Stan.

Well, you're advice led to it, ta.

A pleasure, love.

I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Thanks again for these.

Oi.

Oh no.

We'll see you in court.

You should have use precautions.

It's not my fuckin' fault, out, out.

What's up with them?

I bought a faulty batch of pregnancy testing kits,

all showing up negative.

Then the ones that Meena had?

Meena?

What's my Meena doin' with fuckin' pregnancy testing kits?

Negative.

And stop nickin' from the shop.

Well, what's the point in havin' one?

And don't have sex!

[music playing]

Stan.

She put a-- ran her through the computer.

But why? I said not to.

She's a con artist, specializes in coppers,

done 5 in greater Manchester.

Something about paying off an ex-husband?

Sorry. - Taken them for thousands.

NORMA:

Did you give her any money?

No.

Pay him off.

Use this.

Think of it as a movin' in present.

Thank you, Shtan.

Course I didn't.

She's not even Ukrainian.

She's Austrian.

Lives in Crawley.

But if you didn't give her anything.

She'll be back.

We can trap her.

So you up for it?

Shtan?

Why don't you fuck off.

[flute music]

Jesus.

You do a man a favor.

This is worse-- why don't we have a quick one, huh?

You know, let's say just before table.

Just one, I'll have to pace meself.

Just the one.

Come on.

Sh, quiet, they're here.

[cheering]

Oh, fuckin' huh?

You bastards.

Did you not guess?

I was sure you'd guess this time.

No, didn't have a fucking clue.

Party.

[cheering]

[ceilidh music]

Mom's, I understand you wanting

to help kids get a grasp of the Bible in their own--

MONICA: Anyone watchin' this?

No, not really.

[tv voices]

I am pregnant.

I've taken a new test.

DEBBIE: Do you want it?

Yeah, I really do.

Great.

A baby, why not?

LIAM: Yeah.

I'm fed up with bein' the youngest anyway.

And you won't have to bring it up.

I promise.

But I will need one little bit of help.

Don't let me screw up this time.

I'll try.

[ceilidh music]

Fuck.

I asked that bint out.

And I said no.

What's wrong with me?

Taste in women for a start.

Forget that bitch.

Come on.

Let's dance.

Eh, I hope you don't mind.

What?

Me brother wanted to come along.

[ceilidh music]

Testing, testing, testing.

[cheering]

Hey.

We all know why we're here tonight, don't we?

Happy birthday.

[crowd cheering]

Just cut.

There's one more little surprise.

Because tonight--

[ballroom dance music]

Mimi Katherine Rose Joy Murphy Maguire, this is--

who's written [inaudible] all over this page?

Hey!

Paddy, it's all right.

Oh, thanks.

PADDY: Took me ages to do this!

It's all right, come on, dance.

[MUSIC - MATT MONRO, "MY KIND OF GIRL"]

Even cooks like an angel cooks.

And my mind is in a whirl--

I owe you everything, me life really.

That's not nothin'.

[MUSIC - MATT MONRO, "MY KIND OF GIRL"] My kind of girl.

And my heart's kind of full of joy.

Because she told me I'm her kind of boy.

[dance music]

I'm going to have a baby.

You already fucking told me that.

It's not a surprise is it?

[dance music]

Takin' a fucking turn here.

Come on, Come on.

MONICA (VOICEOVER): By many people's standards,

I do count as a terrible mother.

I'm never going to win any prizes anyway.

Men can leave as many children as they like.

If you're an old rucker, you're virtually expected

to leave hundreds of'em.

[crowd cheering]

[ceilidh music]

I know she knows.

But she doesn't know that I know she knows.

MONICA (VOICEOVER): Nobody forgives a woman, nobody.

I've got a second chance, and I'm gonna grab it.

That's right, isn't it baby?

Mum-mum's second chance.

[ceilidh music]

[music playing]

Time gentlemen, please.

Oh, well, in that case, I'll have another one.

Give us the rest of the bell back first.

Me?

Why is it always me?

Give it back to us, and we'll serve ya.

[bell rings]

[chime]