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FRANK (VOICEOVER): Now, nobody's
saying the Chatsworth Estate is
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00:00:08,533 --> 00:00:12,400
the Garden of Eden, but it's
been a good home to us, to me,
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00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,800
Frank Gallagher, and me
kids, who I'm proud of.
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00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:20,100
'Cause every single one of
them reminds me a little of me.
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00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,300
They can all think
for themselves, which
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00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,100
they've got me to thank for.
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00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,167
Quick, leg it!
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00:00:25,267 --> 00:00:26,633
FRANK (VOICEOVER):
Lip, who's a bit
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00:00:26,733 --> 00:00:28,767
of a gobshite, which is why
nobody calls him "Philip"
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00:00:28,867 --> 00:00:30,900
anymore.
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00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,333
Ian, a lot like his mum,
which is handy for us,
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00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:36,333
'cause she's disappeared
into thin air.
13
00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:39,300
And Carl, we don't let him
grow his hair for two reasons.
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00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,500
One, it makes it stand on end
and makes him look like Toyah.
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00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,700
Two, nits love him.
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00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,667
Debbie, sent by
God, total angel.
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00:00:47,767 --> 00:00:49,733
You have to check your change,
but she'll go miles out
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00:00:49,833 --> 00:00:53,633
of her way to do you a favor.
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00:00:53,733 --> 00:00:55,033
Plus little Liam.
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00:00:55,133 --> 00:00:56,667
He's gonna be a star someday.
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00:00:56,767 --> 00:00:58,067
Wicked!
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00:00:58,167 --> 00:00:59,200
FRANK (VOICEOVER):
Sheila, me bird.
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00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,567
Couldn't be happier.
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00:01:00,667 --> 00:01:03,033
One plate short of
a full set, like.
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00:01:03,133 --> 00:01:05,767
Carol and Marty, the
lodgers from hell.
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00:01:05,867 --> 00:01:08,733
Last of the lonely hearts and
a psychologist's wet dream.
27
00:01:08,833 --> 00:01:10,767
Still, nobody's perfect.
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00:01:10,867 --> 00:01:14,367
But all of them to a man
know first and foremost one
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00:01:14,467 --> 00:01:16,633
of the most vital
necessities in life
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00:01:16,733 --> 00:01:20,467
is, they know how throw a party.
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00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:23,233
Scatter!
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00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:25,167
Some days, you know
you're on to a loser
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00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:27,433
before we've even
had your first fart.
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00:01:27,533 --> 00:01:29,833
Others, the gods are
smiling and there's
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00:01:29,933 --> 00:01:31,333
nothing you can't sort out.
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00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:34,167
I mean, yeah, you know, there's
E's in the cornflakes that
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00:01:34,267 --> 00:01:36,033
might help a bit,
but why shouldn't
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00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:37,133
people rub along together.
39
00:01:37,233 --> 00:01:38,233
You know what I mean?
40
00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:40,900
Doesn't have to
be a jam, does it?
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00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,467
Oh, sorry, just finishing off.
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00:01:42,567 --> 00:01:45,133
FRANK (VOICEOVER): I mean, look
at Diana, Charles, and Camilla.
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00:01:45,233 --> 00:01:47,567
It worked out OK
for them, didn't it?
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00:01:52,533 --> 00:01:53,433
Come here, you.
45
00:01:53,533 --> 00:01:54,667
Come here.
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00:01:54,767 --> 00:01:55,600
Give us a kiss.
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00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:08,000
Oh, all right, Frank.
48
00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:09,433
You miss me?
49
00:02:09,533 --> 00:02:11,433
Couldn't find the
child benefit book.
50
00:02:11,533 --> 00:02:13,133
All right, shall we--
shall we go to the pub?
51
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,300
Yeah?
- All right.
52
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,200
All right.
53
00:02:41,367 --> 00:02:43,833
They're all so grown up now.
54
00:02:43,933 --> 00:02:46,500
Hardly recognized 'em.
55
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,600
Yeah, well, it's
been hard for me.
56
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:53,300
Responsibility for
all of 'em on me own.
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00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:54,700
It's kind of weighed heavily.
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00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,100
Yeah, but I'm back now,
Frank, to lighten your load.
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00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,567
Monica.
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00:03:05,667 --> 00:03:06,500
Sheila.
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00:03:31,533 --> 00:03:33,767
[screaming]
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00:03:33,867 --> 00:03:38,000
You all right, right, You
remember Monica, don't you?
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00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,367
She's-- she's come.
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00:03:39,467 --> 00:03:41,767
You know, she's come
to see the kids.
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00:03:41,867 --> 00:03:45,667
Yes, you told me, Frank.
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00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,100
I brought your cigarettes.
67
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,467
Would you like a drink, Monica?
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00:03:49,567 --> 00:03:51,767
Yeah, another
vodka tonic, thanks.
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00:03:51,867 --> 00:03:52,700
Oh yeah, right.
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00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,367
Yeah, of course I did it.
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00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:56,733
Because you asked me
that about the-- when
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00:03:56,833 --> 00:03:57,900
she-- yeah, and I said.
Yeah, yeah.
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00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,267
Of course, yeah.
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00:03:59,367 --> 00:04:02,900
Right, that'll be two
vodka tonics, please, Jez.
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00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,967
Fancy that.
Same poison.
76
00:04:06,067 --> 00:04:09,067
And I-- I'll just have
a couple of these, Jez.
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00:04:13,633 --> 00:04:16,467
Do any of youse lot
know how this works?
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00:04:16,567 --> 00:04:18,000
That's disgusting.
79
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:18,967
What is it?
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00:04:19,067 --> 00:04:21,833
It's a balloon pump!
81
00:04:21,933 --> 00:04:22,733
Sorry.
82
00:04:22,833 --> 00:04:23,667
Have we not met?
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00:04:23,767 --> 00:04:25,133
I'm your neighbor.
84
00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:27,567
I want some help
blowing these up.
85
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,133
It isn't a fucking request.
86
00:04:33,700 --> 00:04:35,133
You wouldn't be our
neighbor, would you?
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00:04:35,233 --> 00:04:37,167
If you hadn't stolen
my daughter's house.
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00:04:37,267 --> 00:04:39,000
Like you give a shit.
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00:04:39,100 --> 00:04:40,700
Nearly pulled a muscle
trying to scavenge
90
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,467
her gear for your own back.
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00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:43,667
I'm keeping it for her.
92
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:44,633
Oh yeah?
93
00:04:44,733 --> 00:04:46,333
And I'm the Queen of Sheba.
94
00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:48,167
Hadn't you two better
get a rocket up your ass?
95
00:04:48,267 --> 00:04:50,933
Gotta be there for 1:00.
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00:04:51,033 --> 00:04:52,500
I didn't know I was coming.
97
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,667
Family, aren't you?
98
00:04:53,767 --> 00:04:55,700
Even if you do think
you're better than us.
99
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,533
Our Jamie'll soon sort you out.
100
00:05:12,233 --> 00:05:14,733
Oi, fuck off,
you little wankers!
101
00:05:26,467 --> 00:05:27,700
What are you
looking at, you perv?
102
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:42,733
Sign there, love.
103
00:05:46,733 --> 00:05:48,000
See you in a couple of days.
104
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,100
Yeah.
105
00:05:56,967 --> 00:05:57,833
But I need to go.
106
00:05:57,933 --> 00:05:59,167
It's not my problem, Norma.
107
00:05:59,267 --> 00:06:00,467
You can't do this.
108
00:06:00,567 --> 00:06:02,167
There's such a thing as
human rights, you know.
109
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:03,900
I'm entitled to a toilet.
110
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:04,800
Where's Mon?
111
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:05,733
She'll let us.
112
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,133
Gone out.
113
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:08,967
Which is exactly what
you should be doing, Norma.
114
00:06:09,067 --> 00:06:10,533
Going home.
115
00:06:10,633 --> 00:06:12,867
Unless you want to pay us rent
for sleeping in the Dormobile.
116
00:06:12,967 --> 00:06:14,100
Where's she gone?
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00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:16,333
She's never up before 11:00.
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00:06:16,433 --> 00:06:19,200
Look, Debbie, I'm
gonna piss meself.
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00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:27,467
Look at you.
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00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,667
Makes a mother so proud.
121
00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:33,067
You look like a
stiff in a body bag.
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00:06:33,167 --> 00:06:34,867
Straighten your
face or our Jamie'll
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00:06:34,967 --> 00:06:36,133
put you in a fucking body bag.
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00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:38,233
Pack it in, you two.
125
00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:40,667
Micky, reminds me of
your first communion.
126
00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:43,300
Right, when he comes out,
don't overcrowd him, OK?
127
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,233
What did you make us all
fucking come for, then?
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00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:48,267
Hey, watch your
mouth, fucking gobshite!
129
00:06:48,367 --> 00:06:51,867
So he knows we appreciate
him and what he's done for us.
130
00:06:51,967 --> 00:06:53,133
And how much we love him.
131
00:06:53,233 --> 00:06:54,733
Where is he, then?
132
00:06:54,833 --> 00:06:55,800
I haven't fed me snake yet.
133
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:57,700
Jesus Christ, would you--
134
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,267
Can't we just ask somebody?
135
00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:06,600
So you just left her, then.
136
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,167
Look, I won't say I was
wrong to leave me kids,
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00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:13,400
but I had my reasons.
138
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:14,300
But I'm back now.
139
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,933
And Norma isn't part of that.
140
00:07:16,033 --> 00:07:18,600
End of story.
141
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,467
How's she taking it?
142
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:23,200
You have to learn to
accept change, don't you?
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00:07:23,300 --> 00:07:25,000
Whenever it comes.
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00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:26,533
Right Right.
145
00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:28,867
It's your round now,
Monica, ain't it?
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00:07:28,967 --> 00:07:30,733
What am I like?
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00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:31,700
Same again?
148
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,367
It's bound to
happen, isn't it?
149
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:50,767
Norma's not exactly, is she?
150
00:07:55,067 --> 00:07:59,867
Can't say I blame her.
151
00:07:59,967 --> 00:08:01,867
It's good.
152
00:08:01,967 --> 00:08:03,433
You know, for the kids, though.
153
00:08:03,533 --> 00:08:05,733
You know, they got
their mother back.
154
00:08:11,233 --> 00:08:16,800
So when did I tell you?
155
00:08:16,900 --> 00:08:18,700
You tell me, Frank.
156
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,000
What?
157
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,100
You must have told me
sometime, mustn't you?
158
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:22,933
Because why would you have not?
159
00:08:23,033 --> 00:08:24,767
Oh yeah, right.
160
00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:26,700
Well, yeah.
161
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,267
I was just saying
to Frank, it'll
162
00:08:28,367 --> 00:08:31,067
be so lovely to have you back,
another pair of hands around.
163
00:08:31,167 --> 00:08:32,800
Oh, that's a
lovely ring, Sheila.
164
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:34,100
Is it QVC?
165
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:36,467
Yeah, well, should
probably go, Sheila.
166
00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,000
You know, got stuff to
do-- food, shopping.
167
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:40,200
No thanks, Frank.
168
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:41,300
I'd rather stay here
for another drink.
169
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,433
Wouldn't you, Monica?
- Oh yes.
170
00:08:42,533 --> 00:08:43,333
I'm very happy.
171
00:08:46,033 --> 00:08:47,200
Right.
172
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:48,733
I must say, you
have cleaned up
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00:08:48,833 --> 00:08:52,700
his act if he's willing to leave
the pub before closing time.
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00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,900
Different man,
aren't you, Frank?
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00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,867
Mhm.
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00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:00,233
Hm.
177
00:09:00,333 --> 00:09:02,133
Oh, another one down.
178
00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:04,367
I do admire your
restraint, Sheila.
179
00:09:07,733 --> 00:09:10,367
Right.
180
00:09:10,467 --> 00:09:11,933
You let him out, you bastard!
181
00:09:12,033 --> 00:09:13,600
You tell him, Ma.
182
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,000
You let my Jamie out, or
I'll have the lot of youse.
183
00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:18,733
They let him
out two hours ago.
184
00:09:18,833 --> 00:09:19,700
Oh, for fuck's sake.
185
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,767
This is your fault, Shane.
186
00:09:21,867 --> 00:09:23,333
You fucking wanker.
187
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:42,167
All I'm saying is,
a home-made mayonnaise
188
00:09:42,267 --> 00:09:46,500
could make up egg or prawn.
189
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:51,133
All it takes is eight
minutes' patience.
190
00:09:51,233 --> 00:09:55,100
But no one tries anymore.
191
00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:56,500
They just don't!
192
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,100
Mum, I thought
maybe we should--
193
00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,033
Good timing.
194
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:00,200
Another round ready.
195
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:05,967
4.80.
196
00:10:06,067 --> 00:10:08,133
Knocking 'em back, aren't you?
197
00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,900
Just getting to know Sheila.
198
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:11,867
Keep the change.
199
00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:14,367
SHEILA: --Anymore except me.
200
00:10:14,467 --> 00:10:16,767
And it's wrong.
201
00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:17,767
It's so wrong.
202
00:10:26,233 --> 00:10:27,733
Oh God, thank you.
203
00:10:27,833 --> 00:10:29,300
Thank you so much.
204
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,267
Right, then just slash.
205
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,667
[mumbling]
206
00:10:38,767 --> 00:10:40,900
Pastries.
207
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,533
Just try getting a job, yeah.
208
00:10:43,633 --> 00:10:46,300
Oh, look who it isn't.
209
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,733
Get a good look,
did you earlier?
210
00:10:48,833 --> 00:10:50,833
Pervert!
211
00:10:50,933 --> 00:10:51,900
I know who he is, Karen.
212
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:52,800
He's--
213
00:10:52,900 --> 00:10:53,767
He's who?
214
00:10:53,867 --> 00:10:54,700
Jamie!
215
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:55,633
I told you it was him.
216
00:10:55,733 --> 00:10:56,900
We came to get you.
217
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:58,967
Why didn't you phone?
218
00:10:59,067 --> 00:11:01,533
Oh, you've come back, me angel.
219
00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:03,533
You've come back to us!
220
00:11:03,633 --> 00:11:04,933
Ah, son!
221
00:11:05,033 --> 00:11:05,933
It's Jamie Maguire.
222
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:06,867
He did 10 for murder.
223
00:11:06,967 --> 00:11:07,800
So?
224
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,700
He's still a perv.
225
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,633
Well, he is!
- Right.
226
00:11:10,733 --> 00:11:11,533
Come on, then.
227
00:11:11,633 --> 00:11:12,533
Let's get you home.
228
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:13,767
Party, party, party, huh?
229
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,267
You come too.
230
00:11:17,367 --> 00:11:18,200
Come on.
231
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,500
Oh.
232
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,533
I remember him.
233
00:11:29,633 --> 00:11:30,467
Monica!
234
00:11:30,567 --> 00:11:31,233
Don't be daft, Frank.
235
00:11:31,333 --> 00:11:33,733
I've seen it all before.
236
00:11:33,833 --> 00:11:35,067
Yeah, but that was--
237
00:11:35,167 --> 00:11:36,633
Come on, it's
just a bit of fun.
238
00:11:36,733 --> 00:11:38,333
She's nice, your wife.
239
00:11:38,433 --> 00:11:41,467
But I bet you're not as good
together as you me were, eh?
240
00:11:41,567 --> 00:11:42,400
Now, don't start.
241
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:43,233
Don't start.
242
00:11:43,333 --> 00:11:45,067
Do you still want me, Frank?
243
00:11:45,167 --> 00:11:46,333
Oh yes, you do.
244
00:11:46,433 --> 00:11:48,133
Come on, come on with Monica.
245
00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:49,400
Just for a minute.
246
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:52,633
Just to-- yeah, come
on, you dirty bastard.
247
00:11:52,733 --> 00:11:53,967
Get in there.
248
00:11:54,067 --> 00:11:55,467
Fuck.
249
00:11:55,567 --> 00:11:57,533
You know you want to.
250
00:11:57,633 --> 00:11:58,733
What's the matter?
251
00:11:58,833 --> 00:12:02,533
Getting something at home
that I can't give you?
252
00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:03,467
Oh.
253
00:12:03,567 --> 00:12:04,400
Oh, sorry.
254
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,167
No, it's-- it's
the gents's, love.
255
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:09,000
You know, that's what
it says on the door.
256
00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:10,233
Yeah, you know.
257
00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:11,933
That's what the little
man is all about.
258
00:12:12,033 --> 00:12:14,033
Gents pee standing
up, don't they?
259
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:15,000
Oh, officer.
260
00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:15,900
Fucking women, hey, Billy?
261
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:17,167
Can't fucking shoot them.
262
00:12:25,033 --> 00:12:26,833
Oh dear, what's happened here?
263
00:12:26,933 --> 00:12:27,867
Come on.
264
00:12:27,967 --> 00:12:28,867
Come on, Sheila.
265
00:12:28,967 --> 00:12:31,267
Let's get-- let's get you home.
266
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:32,033
I got you.
267
00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:32,933
It's all right.
268
00:12:33,033 --> 00:12:35,733
Don't fetch up here.
269
00:12:35,833 --> 00:12:37,967
I got you.
270
00:12:38,067 --> 00:12:40,533
Just-- yeah, see you later.
271
00:12:40,633 --> 00:12:43,867
See you later.
272
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:46,067
Hey, what won the
3:00 at Haydock?
273
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,767
You know?
- Ambleton, mate.
274
00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:48,700
You've lost your money.
275
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,667
[laughter]
276
00:12:51,767 --> 00:12:53,333
PADDY: Welcome home, son.
277
00:12:53,433 --> 00:12:54,233
Cheers!
278
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,500
It's great to have
you back, huh?
279
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:00,933
Soon clean up around this
place and show them who's boss.
280
00:13:01,033 --> 00:13:03,267
Jamie Maguire back on the manor!
281
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:06,100
[pop] Shane, will you stop
doing that, you little shite?
282
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:07,500
Your mother went to
a lot of trouble!
283
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,033
So are you gonna tell
him, then, or what?
284
00:13:09,133 --> 00:13:10,333
Tell me what?
285
00:13:10,433 --> 00:13:11,333
Ah, well, we've got you
a little job, you know.
286
00:13:11,433 --> 00:13:12,733
Help you get back on your feet.
287
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:13,833
Set you up, like.
288
00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:15,033
But I'm in it
as well, aren't I?
289
00:13:15,133 --> 00:13:17,033
- All right, Shane.
- It's a kidnapping.
290
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:18,300
Total no brainer.
291
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:20,900
Look, if it's Shane's
job, let him do it.
292
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,900
I'm not interested.
293
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:25,133
PADDY: Now look
what you've done.
294
00:13:32,933 --> 00:13:33,767
Frank?
295
00:13:37,033 --> 00:13:40,033
I want to go on top.
296
00:13:40,133 --> 00:13:41,600
Aw, Monica, no.
297
00:14:07,933 --> 00:14:10,400
[alarm beeping]
298
00:14:22,833 --> 00:14:24,567
- Hello, Norma.
- Oh, all right.
299
00:14:24,667 --> 00:14:25,500
Hi.
300
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:31,867
This has got lots
of vitamin C in it.
301
00:14:31,967 --> 00:14:35,467
It's very good for you.
302
00:14:35,567 --> 00:14:36,400
Bitch.
303
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,033
You don't need
to do it for me.
304
00:14:52,767 --> 00:14:54,033
Come on.
Come on, be quiet.
305
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:55,200
She might hear.
306
00:14:58,733 --> 00:14:59,567
NORMA: Cat litter!
307
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:00,633
You what?
308
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:04,100
As in, little for cats.
309
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:08,000
Is everyone around
here retarded?
310
00:15:08,100 --> 00:15:10,500
I need the fucking toilet!
311
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,033
Norma, hello.
312
00:15:13,133 --> 00:15:14,100
You could use ours.
313
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,933
Oh, thank fuck,
somebody normal.
314
00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:17,967
You're gonna have to
take your shoes off.
315
00:15:18,067 --> 00:15:20,167
Please don't touch the walls,
because I've just cleaned them.
316
00:15:20,267 --> 00:15:21,467
Right, well, away then.
317
00:15:21,567 --> 00:15:22,400
Let's go.
318
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,100
Yeah, see?
I didn't need you.
319
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,867
What the fuck is that?
320
00:15:36,967 --> 00:15:38,467
A royal Heffernan.
321
00:15:38,567 --> 00:15:40,533
9/4 favorite Saturday.
322
00:15:40,633 --> 00:15:41,767
Dead fucking cert.
323
00:15:41,867 --> 00:15:43,267
Owner's got a mint riding on it.
324
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:46,100
They'll soon cough up ransom
to get him back, though.
325
00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:48,267
And because you didn't
pitch in, now you
326
00:15:48,367 --> 00:15:49,867
don't see any of the winnings.
327
00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:51,133
Yeah, I've got me own plans.
328
00:15:51,233 --> 00:15:52,067
'Course you have.
329
00:15:52,167 --> 00:15:53,433
Chip off the old block, huh?
330
00:15:53,533 --> 00:15:55,033
Well, I'm gonna run
him in some other races
331
00:15:55,133 --> 00:15:56,633
while I've got him, aren't I?
332
00:15:56,733 --> 00:15:57,867
Making even more cash.
333
00:15:57,967 --> 00:15:59,733
No one'll even recognize him.
334
00:15:59,833 --> 00:16:01,200
Really?
335
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,300
Yep.
336
00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:03,433
-
337
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:05,100
Kidnapped a jockey as
well, then, have you?
338
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:13,633
It's like she's some fucking
changeling or something.
339
00:16:13,733 --> 00:16:16,133
One minute, it's all "I'll
have your stir-fry on the table
340
00:16:16,233 --> 00:16:17,867
when you get back
from Stuttgart."
341
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:20,200
And the next, dust.
342
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:23,700
She won't even talk
to us, the mad bitch.
343
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:25,567
oh, but I love her.
344
00:16:25,667 --> 00:16:29,133
So what do you
think happened, then?
345
00:16:29,233 --> 00:16:31,333
Well, it's obvious, isn't it?
346
00:16:31,433 --> 00:16:33,300
Richard and bastard Judy.
347
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:35,700
Told her not to watch that crap.
348
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:38,600
Some Christian wanker
banging on about family.
349
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:41,600
We're the victims in
this, Sheila, me and her.
350
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:46,667
Fucking patriarchal hegemony
pissing all over us.
351
00:16:46,767 --> 00:16:50,133
So you don't think she's
really back for them, then?
352
00:16:50,233 --> 00:16:53,533
Sheila, she had some past
life regression last solstice.
353
00:16:53,633 --> 00:16:55,667
Came back saying the
kids weren't even hers.
354
00:16:55,767 --> 00:16:58,667
Belonged to some fucking
witch in the 14th century.
355
00:16:58,767 --> 00:17:00,367
But she stood on
a ley line, sent
356
00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:02,200
the kids to the wrong womb.
357
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:03,700
'Course she's not back for them.
358
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,833
But she's still
a lesbian, though?
359
00:17:05,933 --> 00:17:07,233
Yeah, 'course she
is, you daft bitch.
360
00:17:07,333 --> 00:17:08,200
[fart]
361
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:09,533
I mean, yeah, we
may not have had sex
362
00:17:09,633 --> 00:17:12,533
in the past eight months,
like, but you don't
363
00:17:12,633 --> 00:17:13,800
go back and forth, do you?
364
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:14,700
No sex?
365
00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:15,867
Hang on a minute, Sheila.
366
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:17,067
I can't do two
things at once here.
367
00:17:17,167 --> 00:17:19,300
[farting]
368
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,633
Hey, Sheila, you got
any more bog roll?
369
00:17:23,733 --> 00:17:24,567
Sheila?
370
00:17:24,667 --> 00:17:25,467
Sheila?
371
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,067
[screaming]
372
00:17:33,167 --> 00:17:34,500
You penis pervert!
373
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:39,733
Who is it, then?
374
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:41,333
Peters and Lee?
375
00:17:41,433 --> 00:17:44,200
It is Kevin and Veronica.
376
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:45,700
I were gonna say,
I didn't know they
377
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,267
put Peters and Lee in prison.
378
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:51,133
Mind you, "welcome home"
weren't much of a song, was it?
379
00:17:51,233 --> 00:17:53,100
Thought "Rainy Days
and Mondays" were better.
380
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:54,767
That weren't Peters
and Lee, though.
381
00:17:54,867 --> 00:17:56,367
Do you mind?
382
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:58,967
My daughter has
been incarcerated.
383
00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:01,700
She's not exactly Nelson
fucking Mandela, Carol.
384
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:02,800
Thank you.
385
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,233
She tried to steal a baby.
386
00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:05,867
She was paying for it.
387
00:18:05,967 --> 00:18:07,133
What, with the
money that she stole
388
00:18:07,233 --> 00:18:08,400
from everybody around here?
389
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,500
Can't see you getting
many fucking takers.
390
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,267
I'm only doing what
any mother would do.
391
00:18:14,367 --> 00:18:22,600
I've got to do something, even
if it's just widow's mites.
392
00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:23,667
I'll have a T-shirt, Carol.
393
00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:27,633
Out of me pension.
394
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,200
I just thought, now
that we're friends
395
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:36,867
we could go shopping together.
396
00:18:36,967 --> 00:18:37,867
Sorry, Sheil.
397
00:18:37,967 --> 00:18:39,767
I'm too busy here.
398
00:18:39,867 --> 00:18:41,267
I could babysit
the twins for you,
399
00:18:41,367 --> 00:18:42,967
though, at yours, if you like.
400
00:18:43,067 --> 00:18:45,267
No, it's just I need
to get some new stuff.
401
00:18:45,367 --> 00:18:49,233
And I thought, seeing as
we like the same drink,
402
00:18:49,333 --> 00:18:51,667
maybe we've got the
same taste in clothes.
403
00:18:51,767 --> 00:18:55,400
I mean, you could give
me a second opinion.
404
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,600
We could have a really
nice girly day out.
405
00:18:57,700 --> 00:18:58,633
I can do the washing up, Mum.
406
00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:10,933
See this?
407
00:19:11,033 --> 00:19:11,833
Ned Kelly.
408
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:14,600
Proper Irish hero.
409
00:19:14,700 --> 00:19:15,333
Morning.
410
00:19:15,433 --> 00:19:16,900
Can I help youse officers?
411
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,067
We-- we were just--
412
00:19:18,167 --> 00:19:20,000
A racehorse has been stolen.
413
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:22,000
And we wanna know if
you've seen anything.
414
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:25,767
Nope, haven't seen anything.
415
00:19:25,867 --> 00:19:26,733
Jamie.
416
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,000
Have you met Jamie, my eldest?
417
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,567
Have you seen anything?
418
00:19:29,667 --> 00:19:31,633
Not so as I recall.
419
00:19:31,733 --> 00:19:33,900
Shane, have you seen a
racehorse around these parts?
420
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,833
Not seen shit.
421
00:19:36,933 --> 00:19:38,533
Sorry, can't help you.
422
00:19:38,633 --> 00:19:40,000
We haven't seen anything.
423
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:42,600
If we do, we'll let you know.
424
00:19:42,700 --> 00:19:43,700
Right, obliged.
425
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,000
And very nice to meet you.
426
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:52,900
- What are you doing?
- Different horse.
427
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,000
Hasn't got white socks.
428
00:19:58,167 --> 00:20:00,533
MAN: Get yourself downtown
as soon as you can.
429
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:03,000
[chatter]
430
00:20:04,067 --> 00:20:05,233
Yeah, see, I
just need to know--
431
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:07,167
There is a queuing system.
432
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:09,200
So get yourself a ticket,
take a seat, yeah?
433
00:20:18,633 --> 00:20:21,567
You're Jamie
Maguire, aren't you?
434
00:20:21,667 --> 00:20:22,633
Who'd you kill?
435
00:20:22,733 --> 00:20:24,433
Fuck off, will you?
436
00:20:24,533 --> 00:20:25,700
I've killed a man.
437
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:26,800
No, you haven't.
438
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:27,700
I have.
439
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:28,633
I shot him.
440
00:20:28,733 --> 00:20:31,800
And his head fell off.
441
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:34,500
Well, good for you.
442
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,067
So you've come to have a
pop at me, then, have you?
443
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,867
Come to prove yourself
to the hard man.
444
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:41,167
Well, come on, then.
445
00:20:41,267 --> 00:20:43,700
If you want some.
446
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:44,633
You want some?
447
00:20:59,833 --> 00:21:00,900
All right.
448
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:02,633
Yes, what can I get you?
449
00:21:02,733 --> 00:21:03,733
Pint of lager.
450
00:21:03,833 --> 00:21:05,900
And any chance of a job going?
451
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:06,833
Huh?
452
00:21:06,933 --> 00:21:08,000
A job.
453
00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:08,933
Job?
454
00:21:09,033 --> 00:21:09,833
That's right.
455
00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:11,067
Here?
456
00:21:11,167 --> 00:21:12,400
Well, this is
your pub, isn't it?
457
00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:13,533
Right, right.
458
00:21:13,633 --> 00:21:16,600
And how much will you
want paying for that?
459
00:21:16,700 --> 00:21:18,900
Whatever the going rate is.
460
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,800
I don't know.
461
00:21:20,900 --> 00:21:22,167
Well, make me an offer, then!
462
00:21:27,033 --> 00:21:28,800
What do you pay for
a protection racket?
463
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:29,800
How the fuck should I know?
464
00:21:33,167 --> 00:21:34,800
How about 80?
465
00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:37,567
A week?
466
00:21:37,667 --> 00:21:38,633
A day?
467
00:21:38,733 --> 00:21:39,933
80 a day?
468
00:21:40,033 --> 00:21:40,900
Mhm.
469
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:41,967
All right.
470
00:21:42,067 --> 00:21:42,967
Is there a room with the job?
471
00:21:43,067 --> 00:21:45,333
A room?
472
00:21:45,433 --> 00:21:46,233
Yeah.
473
00:21:51,833 --> 00:21:52,667
What are you doing?
474
00:21:52,767 --> 00:21:53,867
That is my room.
475
00:21:53,967 --> 00:21:54,933
Yeah, well, you're fired.
476
00:21:55,033 --> 00:21:57,167
What?
477
00:21:57,267 --> 00:21:58,667
All right, I shagged
the delivery guy.
478
00:21:58,767 --> 00:22:00,167
It's not that.
It's him.
479
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:05,867
Next.
480
00:22:05,967 --> 00:22:07,400
[beeping]
481
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,600
Oh Christ.
482
00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:18,667
Right, so all I need,
see, is a divorce.
483
00:22:18,767 --> 00:22:21,233
And I was hoping that
you could, you know,
484
00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:23,933
tell me which way to
do it, if, you know,
485
00:22:24,033 --> 00:22:26,433
you don't want her to know.
486
00:22:26,533 --> 00:22:28,267
Her being?
487
00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:29,700
The wife.
488
00:22:29,800 --> 00:22:30,800
Well, the ex-wife.
489
00:22:30,900 --> 00:22:32,100
You know, soon to be.
490
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:35,033
Next.
491
00:22:35,133 --> 00:22:36,567
[beeping]
492
00:22:38,467 --> 00:22:40,833
It's difficult, isn't
it, as you get older?
493
00:22:40,933 --> 00:22:42,300
I don't know what to wear.
494
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,100
I mean, you want to
look sexy, but you
495
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,300
don't want to end
up looking like you
496
00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:47,600
charge a fiver for a handjob.
497
00:22:50,167 --> 00:22:52,467
Or is it the same
for, I don't know.
498
00:22:52,567 --> 00:22:53,733
You know, lesbians?
499
00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:57,467
I mean, at what age do you
stop wearing cargo pants?
500
00:22:57,567 --> 00:22:58,600
Or don't you?
501
00:22:58,700 --> 00:22:59,500
I don't know.
502
00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:00,833
I never have.
503
00:23:00,933 --> 00:23:03,267
I prefer something
more feminine.
504
00:23:03,367 --> 00:23:04,000
Oh.
505
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:06,467
What, like these?
506
00:23:06,567 --> 00:23:07,700
Look.
507
00:23:07,800 --> 00:23:10,500
I mean, you can never have
enough lingerie, can you?
508
00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,533
Is that what they say?
509
00:23:11,633 --> 00:23:13,333
You can never be too
rich or too thin.
510
00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:14,500
Except for that Posh Spice.
511
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:15,900
She is, isn't she?
512
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,933
And she's dipped in wood stain.
513
00:23:19,033 --> 00:23:20,933
Looks lovely on you.
514
00:23:21,033 --> 00:23:22,000
Let's try some on!
515
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:23,100
Come on.
516
00:23:25,500 --> 00:23:28,133
So, Monica, what kind
of women do you like?
517
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:33,167
No, let's see stay
out here, shall we?
518
00:23:33,267 --> 00:23:35,267
The small ones are a
big claustrophobic.
519
00:23:35,367 --> 00:23:36,100
I
520
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:38,267
Thought you were agoraphobic.
521
00:23:38,367 --> 00:23:40,067
Agoraphobic, claustrophobic.
522
00:23:40,167 --> 00:23:41,200
Anything you like, really.
523
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:42,567
Illness poker, me.
524
00:23:42,667 --> 00:23:44,333
Raise me one, if you like.
525
00:23:46,933 --> 00:23:47,733
Oh God.
526
00:23:51,267 --> 00:23:53,367
What are you doing, Sheila?
527
00:23:53,467 --> 00:23:54,633
Do you want me to
help you, Monica.
528
00:23:54,733 --> 00:23:57,867
I know you want me to
help you, don't you?
529
00:23:57,967 --> 00:23:59,433
I've got very big breasts.
530
00:23:59,533 --> 00:24:00,667
I'm all right.
531
00:24:00,767 --> 00:24:02,400
But it's every woman's
fantasy, lesbianism!
532
00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:03,167
Enough.
533
00:24:03,267 --> 00:24:04,067
I know it's mine.
534
00:24:04,167 --> 00:24:05,067
Get off me!
535
00:24:05,167 --> 00:24:06,200
We're all bisexual, aren't we?
536
00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:07,900
Are you bisexual, Monica?
537
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:09,333
Or are you just gay?
538
00:24:09,433 --> 00:24:10,633
[screaming]
539
00:24:12,967 --> 00:24:15,800
It's not my sexuality
that's in question!
540
00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:17,733
Did Frank put you up to this?
541
00:24:17,833 --> 00:24:19,267
I just want to
know if you want to.
542
00:24:19,367 --> 00:24:21,800
If that's why you've come back.
543
00:24:21,900 --> 00:24:22,833
- Get off!
- Monica!
544
00:24:22,933 --> 00:24:23,733
Get off!
545
00:24:29,133 --> 00:24:32,933
Good God, they're on drugs.
546
00:24:33,033 --> 00:24:33,900
Monica.
547
00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:35,467
MONICA: Get off!
548
00:24:35,567 --> 00:24:36,433
[beeping]
549
00:24:36,533 --> 00:24:37,267
Hey, that's enough.
550
00:24:37,367 --> 00:24:38,400
MONICA: Get off, get off!
551
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,133
If you want the
horse back alive,
552
00:24:47,233 --> 00:24:49,833
get 20,000 ready in used notes.
553
00:24:49,933 --> 00:24:51,333
MAN (ON PHONE): Who is this?
554
00:24:51,433 --> 00:24:53,467
Fucking knifeman, that's who!
555
00:24:53,567 --> 00:24:54,500
You hear that?
556
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:55,433
[neighing]
557
00:24:55,533 --> 00:24:56,633
MAN (ON PHONE):
OK, OK, calm down.
558
00:24:56,733 --> 00:24:57,733
And if you call
the pigs again,
559
00:24:57,833 --> 00:24:58,900
you'll have a head
on your pillow
560
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:01,700
first thing' in the fucking--
561
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,067
for fuck's sake, Jamie!
562
00:25:03,167 --> 00:25:04,267
MAN (ON PHONE): "Jamie?"
Jamie, who?
563
00:25:04,367 --> 00:25:05,400
You stupid fucking
prick, Shane!
564
00:25:05,500 --> 00:25:07,000
What did you say his name for?
565
00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:08,867
Don't upset your
brother, Shane.
566
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:10,833
You know how he gets
when he's hungry.
567
00:25:10,933 --> 00:25:12,167
Well, why don't you
fucking make him do
568
00:25:12,267 --> 00:25:13,800
summat, then, instead
of hanging around--
569
00:25:13,900 --> 00:25:14,700
Don't bother.
570
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:15,767
I'm moving out.
571
00:25:19,733 --> 00:25:22,633
So that's what you were
after all along, was it?
572
00:25:22,733 --> 00:25:24,700
When you asked me out.
573
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,500
Make a pass at me.
574
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:28,733
I just--
575
00:25:28,833 --> 00:25:32,833
I just wanted to know if
you were still a lesbian.
576
00:25:32,933 --> 00:25:34,367
I'm sorry.
577
00:25:34,467 --> 00:25:38,567
It's just, I know what a hold
you used to have over Frank.
578
00:25:38,667 --> 00:25:40,800
I got scared.
579
00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:44,633
I can see why he's with you.
580
00:25:44,733 --> 00:25:48,767
Lovely figure, good cook.
581
00:25:48,867 --> 00:25:51,767
City and Guilds, grade 1.
582
00:25:51,867 --> 00:25:54,867
Don't think I'd even know
how to be with a man anymore.
583
00:25:54,967 --> 00:25:57,400
Wouldn't know what to do.
584
00:25:57,500 --> 00:25:59,633
Well, it's like riding a bike.
585
00:25:59,733 --> 00:26:01,133
You never forget.
586
00:26:01,233 --> 00:26:03,800
I don't think I was ever
very good in the first place.
587
00:26:03,900 --> 00:26:05,567
Frank and me, well.
588
00:26:05,667 --> 00:26:06,367
Oh, it's easy.
589
00:26:06,467 --> 00:26:07,367
You just give him a blowjob.
590
00:26:07,467 --> 00:26:09,400
He'd do anything for one of us.
591
00:26:09,500 --> 00:26:11,467
Really?
592
00:26:11,567 --> 00:26:13,267
The trick is to hum
while you're doing it.
593
00:26:13,367 --> 00:26:16,867
It makes it vibrate more.
594
00:26:16,967 --> 00:26:18,100
Tell you the truth,
I found that out
595
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,333
by accident when I
was humming the theme
596
00:26:19,433 --> 00:26:22,033
tune to "Ready, Steady, Cook."
597
00:26:22,133 --> 00:26:25,133
Frank went off like a rocket.
598
00:26:25,233 --> 00:26:27,033
"1812 Overture" is
the best, though.
599
00:26:27,133 --> 00:26:27,933
Tchaikovsky.
600
00:26:28,033 --> 00:26:30,833
It's all those cannons.
601
00:26:30,933 --> 00:26:32,233
Frank'd do anything
for those cannons.
602
00:26:37,167 --> 00:26:38,033
WOMAN: Fucking hell.
603
00:26:38,133 --> 00:26:39,567
I know me rights!
604
00:26:39,667 --> 00:26:41,300
So you never said.
605
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,500
Are you-- are you
still a lesbian, then?
606
00:26:47,867 --> 00:26:48,867
-
607
00:26:48,967 --> 00:26:52,067
I've only ever
wanted one woman.
608
00:26:52,167 --> 00:26:53,133
That's Norma.
609
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:06,900
What's the point of
you crackpot fucking
610
00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:08,933
Mormon god-freaks, then?
611
00:27:09,033 --> 00:27:11,933
Polygamy was the one
fucking good idea you had!
612
00:27:12,033 --> 00:27:13,000
Bunch of Ken dolls.
613
00:27:16,633 --> 00:27:19,467
Hey, and I'm gonna burn me
Donny Osmond albums and all!
614
00:27:24,767 --> 00:27:28,467
Right, so-- huh?
615
00:27:28,567 --> 00:27:30,000
What the hell are
they doing in here?
616
00:27:36,233 --> 00:27:39,133
Oh, me feet.
617
00:27:39,233 --> 00:27:42,900
I've been around the estate
twice for old coppers.
618
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:43,867
And me.
619
00:27:43,967 --> 00:27:46,233
Think you've got problems.
620
00:27:46,333 --> 00:27:49,167
Oh, do us a favor, Lil,
and get me a drink in.
621
00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:50,667
Oh, what's she like?
622
00:27:56,667 --> 00:27:57,400
PADDY: I don't understand.
623
00:27:57,500 --> 00:27:59,233
What the fuck's he playing at?
624
00:27:59,333 --> 00:28:00,733
He's got his reasons.
625
00:28:00,833 --> 00:28:02,300
He'll tell us when he's ready.
626
00:28:06,067 --> 00:28:07,600
All right, you lot.
627
00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:08,733
That's your time, please.
628
00:28:08,833 --> 00:28:11,933
What's going on here now?
629
00:28:12,033 --> 00:28:12,867
Where the fuck you been?
630
00:28:12,967 --> 00:28:15,367
Not till 12:00!
631
00:28:15,467 --> 00:28:16,700
I'm mean, it's just
that we can open
632
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:19,333
later now than-- than before.
633
00:28:19,433 --> 00:28:20,567
It's all right, everybody.
634
00:28:20,667 --> 00:28:22,067
It's just a mistake.
635
00:28:22,167 --> 00:28:23,900
We're open till 12:00!
636
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:25,400
Oi, sit back down!
637
00:28:41,267 --> 00:28:43,033
So have you got everything
you need, have you?
638
00:28:43,133 --> 00:28:45,733
Yeah, good night.
639
00:28:45,833 --> 00:28:47,267
Good night.
640
00:28:47,367 --> 00:28:48,900
Why don't you get him
dancing girls and all?
641
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:50,200
Karen, he's mutilated people.
642
00:28:50,300 --> 00:28:51,833
What do you want me to do?
643
00:28:51,933 --> 00:28:53,100
Grow a spine.
644
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:54,333
Hey, I'm not having that.
645
00:28:54,433 --> 00:28:56,233
All right, it's your choice.
646
00:28:56,333 --> 00:28:58,767
You can share with me, or
you can share with him.
647
00:29:20,767 --> 00:29:23,233
[creaking]
648
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:28,633
Jamie?
649
00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:33,733
What?
650
00:29:33,833 --> 00:29:35,300
What do you want?
651
00:30:00,967 --> 00:30:03,433
[moaning]
652
00:30:46,100 --> 00:30:47,233
Oh, where the fuck?
653
00:30:52,867 --> 00:30:54,700
So she actually
said she wanted to get
654
00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,267
back together with Norma?
655
00:30:56,367 --> 00:30:57,933
She might as well have done.
656
00:30:58,033 --> 00:31:00,933
It's-- it's just gone stale.
657
00:31:01,033 --> 00:31:02,867
You can tell.
658
00:31:02,967 --> 00:31:05,000
Norma not making an effort.
659
00:31:05,100 --> 00:31:09,167
Monica frustrated,
taking out her anger.
660
00:31:09,267 --> 00:31:11,900
You know what it's like,
been together for a while,
661
00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:15,533
first casualty is cunnilingus.
662
00:31:15,633 --> 00:31:16,500
Well, you know.
663
00:31:20,733 --> 00:31:22,933
She wants to go home with Norma.
664
00:31:23,033 --> 00:31:24,000
I know she does.
665
00:31:27,167 --> 00:31:28,400
Bring the Fuzz Away.
666
00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:29,800
We might need it.
667
00:31:42,100 --> 00:31:43,433
Hey, horsey, horsey.
668
00:31:43,533 --> 00:31:45,867
Have you seen an horse?
- An horse?
669
00:31:45,967 --> 00:31:47,367
Yes, a fucking horse.
670
00:31:47,467 --> 00:31:48,167
About that big.
671
00:31:48,267 --> 00:31:50,767
You can't miss it.
672
00:31:50,867 --> 00:31:51,700
Forget it.
673
00:31:54,633 --> 00:31:56,200
Royal Heffernan!
674
00:31:56,300 --> 00:31:56,967
Roy!
675
00:31:57,067 --> 00:31:58,533
Jimbo!
676
00:31:58,633 --> 00:31:59,500
Fuck off.
677
00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:00,433
Leg it!
678
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,867
I'm not conforming
to this shite, Sheila.
679
00:32:06,967 --> 00:32:11,367
It's just society's scared of
real women and our hairy bits.
680
00:32:11,467 --> 00:32:13,367
Wanting us to look like kids.
681
00:32:13,467 --> 00:32:16,500
Yeah, but sometimes, Norma,
it's just making the gesture.
682
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:17,967
That's all it takes.
683
00:32:18,067 --> 00:32:19,667
It's like chili con carne.
684
00:32:19,767 --> 00:32:23,600
If you lose the garnish, all
of civilization crumbles.
685
00:32:23,700 --> 00:32:26,067
She's gotta remember you're
attractive to other women.
686
00:32:26,167 --> 00:32:27,333
That's all.
687
00:32:27,433 --> 00:32:30,400
Look, it says here lack
creates desire and--
688
00:32:30,500 --> 00:32:31,600
Hey, ow.
689
00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:34,233
If that's that Freud
pillock, I'm not having it.
690
00:32:34,333 --> 00:32:37,133
Fucking going on about
chicks wanting dicks.
691
00:32:37,233 --> 00:32:38,233
Fuck's he on?
692
00:32:38,333 --> 00:32:39,900
It's Jade Goody in Hello.
693
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,867
Yeah, but we all need
a boost now and again.
694
00:32:42,967 --> 00:32:43,967
Freshen ourselves up.
695
00:32:44,067 --> 00:32:46,900
- Are you saying I smell?
- No.
696
00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:49,133
No, of course not, Norma.
697
00:32:49,233 --> 00:32:50,533
Well, you do a bit.
698
00:32:50,633 --> 00:32:53,367
Anyway, you just have a
soak in there for a minute.
699
00:32:53,467 --> 00:32:56,033
I'll get you a glass
of dry Italian.
700
00:32:56,133 --> 00:32:56,933
There you go.
701
00:32:57,033 --> 00:32:58,500
Cheers.
702
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,700
And come on.
703
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,267
[humming]
704
00:33:13,933 --> 00:33:14,767
Bloody Nora.
705
00:33:14,867 --> 00:33:15,867
Well, don't look at me.
706
00:33:15,967 --> 00:33:18,367
I didn't put owt in it.
707
00:33:18,467 --> 00:33:20,800
How the fuck do you
lose a bleeding horse?
708
00:33:20,900 --> 00:33:21,767
I don't know.
709
00:33:21,867 --> 00:33:23,433
I think someone's nicked it.
710
00:33:23,533 --> 00:33:24,600
It weren't my fault.
711
00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:26,100
Jesus fucking Christ alive!
712
00:33:31,033 --> 00:33:32,133
Here you go.
713
00:33:32,233 --> 00:33:33,800
Fuck do you want?
714
00:33:33,900 --> 00:33:35,967
Well, I thought a round on
the house can't hurt, can it?
715
00:33:36,067 --> 00:33:37,767
Cut the fucking shite.
716
00:33:37,867 --> 00:33:39,467
What do you want?
717
00:33:39,567 --> 00:33:43,400
Well, look, the thing is,
Mimi, your Jamie and this--
718
00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:44,733
this job is--
719
00:33:44,833 --> 00:33:46,233
I don't know what it is, but
please, this pub is my life.
720
00:33:46,333 --> 00:33:47,700
And if the brewery get
wind of it, I'm sunk.
721
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:49,267
I'll give you free drinks
for life, whatever.
722
00:33:49,367 --> 00:33:51,100
Ever Just please speak to him.
723
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:56,400
My Jamie does what he
likes, where he likes.
724
00:33:56,500 --> 00:33:59,600
Hey, Jamie, you just carry
on, lad, with whatever job
725
00:33:59,700 --> 00:34:01,600
it is you're doing from here.
726
00:34:01,700 --> 00:34:03,900
We're right behind you.
727
00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,933
I'm not running a job.
728
00:34:06,033 --> 00:34:08,233
Not from here,
not from anywhere.
729
00:34:08,333 --> 00:34:10,167
I'm going straight.
730
00:34:10,267 --> 00:34:13,000
That's why I took the
horse back to its owner.
731
00:34:13,100 --> 00:34:14,100
You fucking what?
732
00:34:20,667 --> 00:34:22,767
Now, has anybody else
got a problem with that?
733
00:34:26,300 --> 00:34:28,733
Cock.
734
00:34:28,833 --> 00:34:31,567
You see, Black Forest gateau's
got a terrible reputation,
735
00:34:31,667 --> 00:34:34,300
but it's actually a
very sensual cake.
736
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:38,100
Rustic, invented in the 1930s.
737
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,000
Sounds lovely, Sheila.
738
00:34:40,100 --> 00:34:41,800
And Monica loves chocolate.
739
00:34:41,900 --> 00:34:43,267
She told me.
740
00:34:43,367 --> 00:34:45,133
It's one of the things that
Norma won't let her have.
741
00:34:45,233 --> 00:34:46,333
Which is very
short-sighted of her,
742
00:34:46,433 --> 00:34:48,933
because it's
actually aphrodisiac.
743
00:34:49,033 --> 00:34:50,367
You wait till she gets
her hands on this.
744
00:34:50,467 --> 00:34:52,500
There'll be no holding
her back, the dirty bitch.
745
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,933
Oh, and it's a very
evocative name for lesbians.
746
00:34:56,033 --> 00:34:58,200
Unless she waxes.
747
00:34:58,300 --> 00:35:00,567
Come on, let's get
this over there.
748
00:35:00,667 --> 00:35:02,133
[moaning]
749
00:35:09,067 --> 00:35:10,067
Oh.
750
00:35:13,033 --> 00:35:14,033
Norma?
751
00:35:22,300 --> 00:35:23,333
You all right, bird?
752
00:35:27,133 --> 00:35:29,600
Dinner is served.
753
00:35:29,700 --> 00:35:30,533
Come on.
754
00:35:45,933 --> 00:35:46,767
You look nice, Norma.
755
00:35:50,233 --> 00:35:53,633
You've even got lipstick on.
756
00:35:53,733 --> 00:35:58,100
Hey, it's-- it's fanny pink.
757
00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,167
Debbie gave it me.
758
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:04,067
It's "fancy pink."
759
00:36:04,167 --> 00:36:05,267
I told you you need glasses.
760
00:36:07,433 --> 00:36:08,433
You told me you loved me.
761
00:36:11,767 --> 00:36:15,500
So what happened, bird?
762
00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:16,600
Can't we sort this out?
763
00:36:19,667 --> 00:36:20,500
Keep the change.
764
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,233
Cheers, mate.
765
00:36:22,333 --> 00:36:23,867
So he's really
going straight, then?
766
00:36:23,967 --> 00:36:25,233
Apparently.
767
00:36:25,333 --> 00:36:26,033
Great.
768
00:36:26,133 --> 00:36:27,200
Then I can have me job back.
769
00:36:27,300 --> 00:36:28,567
Oi!
770
00:36:28,667 --> 00:36:31,300
You only got my job because
people are too scared of you.
771
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:32,667
Karen!
772
00:36:32,767 --> 00:36:33,700
So this was--
773
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,400
My job, and now
I want it back.
774
00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:37,267
Hang on a minute.
775
00:36:37,367 --> 00:36:38,567
I have some say in this.
776
00:36:38,667 --> 00:36:40,100
It's my pub, and there's
been no trouble in here
777
00:36:40,200 --> 00:36:41,867
since he started.
- Jez.
778
00:36:41,967 --> 00:36:43,167
So why don't you share it?
779
00:36:43,267 --> 00:36:45,067
Half the week each, and
that's me final offer.
780
00:36:51,133 --> 00:36:52,533
You're still a fucking perv.
781
00:36:52,633 --> 00:36:53,533
You what?
782
00:36:53,633 --> 00:36:55,467
You came into Jezzie's
room last night,
783
00:36:55,567 --> 00:36:58,800
and you started getting
off with me dress.
784
00:36:58,900 --> 00:37:00,067
Was I sleepwalking?
785
00:37:00,167 --> 00:37:01,333
Look, I sleepwalk.
786
00:37:01,433 --> 00:37:02,867
Don't know what
you were doing,
787
00:37:02,967 --> 00:37:06,133
but you were bollock naked,
and you were groping my dress.
788
00:37:06,233 --> 00:37:07,700
So you saw me?
789
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:09,267
Of course I did.
790
00:37:09,367 --> 00:37:11,233
Well, how much did you see?
791
00:37:11,333 --> 00:37:17,633
Everything, in
detail, close up.
792
00:37:17,733 --> 00:37:21,267
Who's perving now, eh?
793
00:37:21,367 --> 00:37:24,200
Oh, there's no
community spirit anymore.
794
00:37:24,300 --> 00:37:26,533
It's every man for
himself, isn't it?
795
00:37:26,633 --> 00:37:28,800
I should have known
nobody's give anything.
796
00:37:28,900 --> 00:37:30,367
Can I have me
pension back, then?
797
00:37:34,167 --> 00:37:36,267
I've given it to
a kiddy's charity.
798
00:37:36,367 --> 00:37:39,533
Oh, what are you like?
799
00:37:50,500 --> 00:37:51,167
What's happening?
800
00:37:51,267 --> 00:37:52,600
They're holding hands.
801
00:37:52,700 --> 00:37:53,533
Are you sure?
802
00:37:53,633 --> 00:37:54,433
LIAM: Yeah.
803
00:37:57,300 --> 00:37:58,933
There's the cherry on the top.
804
00:37:59,033 --> 00:38:00,000
Mwah.
805
00:38:02,633 --> 00:38:10,300
Norm, the one thing that you
can't give me is what I need--
806
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:11,233
my babies.
807
00:38:14,233 --> 00:38:16,633
So it's-- it's
really them, then?
808
00:38:16,733 --> 00:38:18,800
I've told you.
809
00:38:18,900 --> 00:38:21,300
Well, all right.
810
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:25,900
Well, if that's what it's
about, I'll have a baby for you.
811
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:29,133
I mean-- I mean, I'm not
fucking any bloke, mind.
812
00:38:29,233 --> 00:38:31,300
We'll have to get a donation.
813
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,767
But if that's what
it takes, I'm there.
814
00:38:35,867 --> 00:38:38,533
You'd do that for me?
815
00:38:38,633 --> 00:38:42,333
I'd do anything for you.
816
00:38:42,433 --> 00:38:47,500
Please, please, please
come back to me!
817
00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:48,867
Oh, Norm.
818
00:38:48,967 --> 00:38:50,367
Do you really love me that much?
819
00:39:01,567 --> 00:39:03,300
Well?
820
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:04,233
Yeah.
821
00:39:09,867 --> 00:39:10,733
I need the loo.
822
00:39:19,067 --> 00:39:20,867
So what's she said?
823
00:39:20,967 --> 00:39:23,767
She's thinking about it.
824
00:39:23,867 --> 00:39:26,267
I've offered a baby.
825
00:39:26,367 --> 00:39:27,600
A baby?
826
00:39:27,700 --> 00:39:31,333
That's what I've promised,
if she'll come back.
827
00:39:31,433 --> 00:39:34,967
But I might have to get
someone else to do it, though.
828
00:39:35,067 --> 00:39:36,900
How do two women?
829
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:37,800
Turkey baster.
830
00:39:44,833 --> 00:39:46,700
Oh, Frank.
831
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:50,067
I'm so confused.
832
00:39:50,167 --> 00:39:53,533
Norma's offered me a baby.
833
00:39:53,633 --> 00:39:55,600
I don't know what to do.
834
00:39:55,700 --> 00:39:56,533
Well--
835
00:40:00,033 --> 00:40:02,400
I mean, supposing
it's all just words
836
00:40:02,500 --> 00:40:05,267
and it all just
gets tired again,
837
00:40:05,367 --> 00:40:16,933
and I end up feeling trapped,
oh, Frank, I need a hug.
838
00:40:17,033 --> 00:40:18,433
Oh.
839
00:40:18,533 --> 00:40:19,700
Oh.
840
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:20,600
Oh.
841
00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:21,900
Oh.
842
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:22,800
Oh.
843
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,833
Oh.
844
00:40:28,933 --> 00:40:31,167
[humming 1812 overture]
845
00:40:41,467 --> 00:40:43,867
So you get a turkey
baster and you--
846
00:40:43,967 --> 00:40:46,033
Is that singing?
847
00:40:46,133 --> 00:40:48,600
[humming 1812 overture]
848
00:40:51,533 --> 00:40:52,800
I hear anything.
849
00:40:59,700 --> 00:41:02,133
[moaning]
850
00:41:36,000 --> 00:41:39,700
Where's-- where's
the fucking remote?
851
00:41:39,800 --> 00:41:40,667
Oh no, it's all right.
852
00:41:40,767 --> 00:41:41,833
You don't have to go.
853
00:41:41,933 --> 00:41:43,400
I'm sorry, Norma.
854
00:41:43,500 --> 00:41:45,000
I can't do it.
855
00:41:45,100 --> 00:41:47,867
It's my babies here I need.
856
00:41:47,967 --> 00:41:49,800
Well, what are
you talking about?
857
00:41:49,900 --> 00:41:53,167
I'm not coming back, Norm.
858
00:41:53,267 --> 00:41:54,767
And I'm sorry to
you three and all.
859
00:41:54,867 --> 00:41:57,033
You went to so much trouble.
860
00:41:57,133 --> 00:42:00,100
Food was lovely, though.
861
00:42:00,200 --> 00:42:03,367
It's all right.
I understand.
862
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:26,333
Here.
863
00:42:26,433 --> 00:42:28,400
Cheers.
864
00:42:28,500 --> 00:42:29,600
So what are you gonna do now?
865
00:42:29,700 --> 00:42:32,667
Are you gonna go home?
866
00:42:32,767 --> 00:42:35,967
No, she'll come round.
867
00:42:36,067 --> 00:42:38,267
She's just not
thinking straight.
868
00:42:38,367 --> 00:42:42,000
She doesn't realize that she
can have me as well as you lot.
869
00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:43,233
But she will.
870
00:42:43,333 --> 00:42:45,233
And when she does,
I'll be here, waiting.
871
00:42:48,567 --> 00:42:50,800
You can use the inside toilets
from now on, if, you want to.
872
00:42:54,733 --> 00:42:56,933
Thanks.
873
00:42:57,033 --> 00:42:58,667
Electricity 40
pound a quarter,
874
00:42:58,767 --> 00:43:02,433
and I'll get you your rent book.
875
00:43:02,533 --> 00:43:04,000
Hey?
876
00:43:04,100 --> 00:43:05,667
You have to find a way
of getting shot of her.
877
00:43:05,767 --> 00:43:06,600
Right.
878
00:43:06,700 --> 00:43:08,667
We just have to--
879
00:43:08,767 --> 00:43:09,867
Sheila, will you?
880
00:43:09,967 --> 00:43:11,700
I'm not fighting
her anymore, Frank.
881
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:15,500
She wants her babies,
she's entitled to them.
882
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,633
Yeah, but, Sheila--
883
00:43:17,733 --> 00:43:20,033
It's too so exhausting, hate.
884
00:43:20,133 --> 00:43:22,100
Anyway, the best woman's won.
885
00:43:22,200 --> 00:43:23,400
I'm married to you now.
886
00:43:23,500 --> 00:43:25,467
There's nothing she
can do about that.
887
00:43:25,567 --> 00:43:27,933
And if you love
someone, set them free.
888
00:43:28,033 --> 00:43:30,500
I'm setting you free, Frank.
889
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:32,067
I'm trusting you.
890
00:43:38,633 --> 00:43:41,867
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
891
00:43:41,967 --> 00:43:43,300
There was too much
sunlight yesterday.
892
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,733
I'm feeling a bit
insidey outsidey.
893
00:43:45,833 --> 00:43:47,767
Thought I'd make
these for myself.
894
00:43:54,667 --> 00:43:57,667
FRANK (VOICEOVER):
Squidgy-gate, Camilla-gate,
895
00:43:57,767 --> 00:43:59,833
Watergate, Gareth Gates.
896
00:43:59,933 --> 00:44:01,233
I mean, what's it all about, eh?
897
00:44:01,333 --> 00:44:05,500
All these private secrets?
898
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:07,900
And what good does it
do, eh, to let 'em out?
899
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:12,433
All you get's a load of
heartache and misery.
900
00:44:12,533 --> 00:44:14,200
And what you don't
know can't hurt you.
901
00:44:14,300 --> 00:44:16,200
That's what I say.
902
00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:17,767
Ignorance is bliss.
903
00:44:17,867 --> 00:44:19,100
Plus, it must be true.
904
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:20,800
I mean, look at George Bush.
905
00:44:20,900 --> 00:44:23,767
Thick as fucking shit, yet
he smiles enough, doesn't he?
906
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:42,700
[theme music]
907
00:45:20,867 --> 00:45:22,867
[heroic music]
908
00:45:22,967 --> 00:45:25,100
[horse galloping]
909
00:45:31,033 --> 00:45:32,567
Yee-haw!
56372
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