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[RAIN PATTERING]

[MAN OVER SPEAKER] My constant fear and worry

eventually drives me to complete insanity.

I lose control of my mind and decide to murder Emily.

When I get home, she's asleep in bed.

I grab a butcher knife and hack her to pieces.

Right after I kill her, I come back to my senses.

I see that I've murdered the person I love most.

Unable to live with myself, I decide to commit suicide.

[SIGHS]

[TAKING SHUDDERING BREATHS]

My constant fear and worry

eventually drives me to complete insanity.

[CRYING]

I lose control of my mind

and decide to murder Emily.

The philosophy. I understand both philosophies.

I think that the answer is a bit more complex than that.

I think that, um...

Yeah.

So then why are you here?

To get... away from all this existential shit,

to get out of my head and into my body.

Do you feel that you're being too cerebral?

I told you that I'm depressed, didn't I?

You think I'm self-diagnosing?

Do you think you're self-diagnosing?

My sister thinks I am.

I don't know.

- How was work with rehab? - Fine.

What about music, filmmaking, your creative pursuits?

Fine, fine. It's pretty much everything right now.

I have been focused getting screenwriting work.

Okay.

Good. Well...

I feel that you are depressed.

But you don't have depression.

I just proposed to the love of my life. And she said yes.

I should be happy.

But I am crippled with fear.

All I do day and night is worry,

about the unknown, the what-ifs,

convince myself of the worst.

And, uh, it plays out like a horror movie in my head.

And whenever I'm able to calm myself down,

it's only temporary. It always leads back to anxiety.

I have these crazy thoughts,

these irrational scenarios that play out in my head.

I mean, it seems so fucking real.

Like, uh, what if I get so depressed I hurt Emily?

Physically.

Well, it sounds to me

like you're presenting mentally with OCD.

I don't...

clean doorknobs or step over fucking cracks.

I'm just... I'm just depressed.

The depression is just a byproduct.

It's like... a symptom.

OCD is an anxiety disorder.

I don't have a mental illness.

I'm not some clean-freak hypochondriac. I...

[STAMMERS]

This is situational.

That's not the only way OCD works.

There's a mental side to it.

It's called "pure obsessional."

It only works through mental compulsions.

So, what does that mean?

You need to be working with an OCD specialist.

Here.

I want you to call this office.

Set up an appointment.

[SIGHS]

[♪]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

What's going on, little Looney Tune?

[EMILY] Just over at my mom's.

Her and Steve wanna have us over

to celebrate the engagement.

Yeah. No, of course. That's super sweet.

Oh, how was therapy?

- It was fine. - You don't have to go into it.

- I was just asking. - I'll tell you more tonight.

All right, baby.

Have a good shift. I love you.

I love you too.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ON STEREO]

[ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS]

[GROANS]

- Congratulations. - Thanks, dude.

She's so fucking excited, Coop.

She called me crying, she was so happy.

Thanks, Tess. What the hell are you doing out here?

Oh, just another day at Transform Malibu

on an Easter egg hunt for a bottle of peppermint schnapps.

Meryl ratted Brandon out in therapy this morning.

Said he had it delivered over the fence.

- Okay. Let's go look for it. - Will you help me?

Doc's got all these kids way overmedicated.

- I know. - It's wild.

- We talk all the time. - It's wild.

- What's up, partner? - Welcome to the Octagon.

Jesus. What?

Yeah. Your boy went mental today.

- Who? - Who do you think?

- Brandon? - Bingo.

Well, I found his delivery in the bushes.

- [SLATER LAUGHS] - Nice.

What is it now?

[SCOFFS] He found out

you were leading group riding today

at morning check-in, the guy lost it.

Flipping couches, screaming.

"You got me all fucked up."

Sweet. That'll be fun.

[DUKE] Anything else we need to know?

[LATER] Well, our favorite heroin addicts checked back in.

Who?

That doesn't really narrow it down.

[SLATER] Come on. Omaha?

Rachel?

She's in the back, cooling her heels.

I thought she was doing better.

Addiction's a bitch, man.

They send them back-- Familiar people, familiar place.

Relapse is inevitable.

- Is that it? - Just who's on meds.

- No. - Come on.

- No. No, no. - What are you talking about?

- Uh-uh. - Fine.

- There they are. - Fuck you.

[SIGHS] You guys, good evening.

- I'm out of here. - [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah. - Take it easy. Shaka.

- Shaka, bro. - Huh? Uh-huh.

[BRANDON] All fucked up now!

Man, you got me up in here like I'm some fucking lab rat!

Man, fuck this!

[COOPER] Solid therapy session?

Speaking of rats!

[SLAMS]

It's okay, Meryl.

Don't say anything.

I knew you wanted to see us again.

I just didn't think it'd be this soon.

- It's fucking embarrassing. - No, it's not.

I lasted, like, no time.

It doesn't matter. Nobody's judging you.

I fucking let you down.

Hey.

Hey, look at me.

Fuck that shit.

That's toxic waste in your head.

You let no one down. Hear me?

You just helped me so much.

You helped yourself. We just showed you some tools.

You're here now.

Thanks, Coop.

- [EMILY] ♪ Mm ♪ - [SHOWER RUNNING]

♪ I miss my youthful... ♪

[EMILY CONTINUES SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Hello.

♪ They figured a way They'd pay you to play ♪

- [SIGHS] - ♪ You've given me ♪

♪ All of your time ♪

♪ I miss my old-school... ♪

♪ They always knew what to do ♪

♪ I miss the kid In the back of the room ♪

- [HUMMING TUNE] - [LAUGHS]

- Toonzy. - Hey, you. How you doing?

♪ I know that I love My Toonzy ♪

♪ And I know my Toonz--♪

Ooh!

You think you're getting in here?

- Yeah. Why? - On one condition.

- You charging admission? - Hey.

You can't say anything about the temperature.

- How come? - My shower, my rules.

My God, I got a parking ticket today.

- What? - Yeah. Yeah.

And you know what occurred to me?

This thing, this genius idea is if we move to New York City,

we'd have to take the train, and we wouldn't use a car.

I'd never get a parking ticket again. Try this.

- Yeah? - Mmm!

- It's good, right? - Mm-hm.

I got it at the farmers' market.

Oh!

- Your mom and Steve okay? - They're fine.

Steve's a little under the weather,

but, you know, same old.

Did your mom freak out?

Um...

Kind of. I don't know.

She kind of made it about herself,

you know, like she always does.

I'm sorry, baby.

Hey, listen, I was thinking

that maybe you could finish chopping the vegetables for me

so I could start on the salad. I hate chopping the vegetables.

- Yeah, sure. Yeah. - [LAUGHS]

My pleasure.

[GROANS]

I don't know, maybe I'm overly sensitive to it

because she's been like this my whole life. You know?

She's always been this way,

and it's not like she's gonna change, you know?

Sorry, I've gotta go pee.

It's okay.

[HUMS SOFTLY]

[EXHALING SHARPLY]

[SUCKS TEETH, EXHALES SHARPLY]

[FAUCET TURNS ON]

[FAUCET TURNS OFF]

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

[MAN ON TV] This is no laughing matter.

If there'd been an accident, I might've landed in jail.

[WOMAN] With your uncle a police vice president?

[MAN] More than ever.

I never got it licensed.

- Should've been handed in. - Babe.

- Incidentally... - Yeah.

[DIALOGUE ON TV CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]

She diagnosed me today.

Yeah?

[SUCKS TEETH]

Okay.

[TV TURNS OFF]

[SIGHS]

What did... What did she say?

[SIGHS]

Hey.

Hey, whatever it is, we'll get through it.

Does she, um...

Does she think that your depression is clinical or...?

No, she thinks I have OCD.

- OCD? - Mm.

- Really? - That's what I said.

Sorry, I don't understand. You don't have any of those...

tics or rituals or anything, do you?

Uh-uh.

No. I don't know.

- I don't know either. - Okay.

Hey.

We've got this. Okay?

You don't have to go it alone or...

- I love you. - I love you too.

I'm so lucky to have you.

[MOANS SOFTLY]

- Hey. - Hey!

- There you are. - I'm so sorry.

- Traffic was the worst. - No, no, it's fine.

- Congratulations, honey. - Thanks, J.

I'm so happy.

Oh, yeah.

- So you took the knee, mate? - I sure did.

Giddyap.

Thanks, man.

Listen, we're here to help

with the planning.

Whatever you guys decide. Just know that, okay?

I appreciate that.

- I love you guys. - We love you.

And you know, once there's a baby on the way,

you're gonna get a lot more help.

Yeah, I know, I know,

one thing at a time, but, uh,

hey, you are family now.

[TOY CARS SKITTERING]

[WOMAN] No, stop that.

[SCREAMING]

Just being alone with all this,

that's been the hardest part, I think.

That has to be really difficult for you.

We all only save ourselves.

Well, that's a lonely philosophy.

That's because it's true. Lonely doesn't have to mean sad.

If you like yourself.

[CHUCKLES]

Touché.

So why don't you tell me

what you already know about OCD.

Just what I scoured on the Internet.

When I started reading articles about Pure O...

my face dropped.

I knew in my heart that's what I have.

Okay. And that's a normal reaction, right?

Just knowing what we're up against,

like, makes us feel better about it a little bit, yeah?

You haven't asked me about my story yet.

Would it help you if I did?

I don't know.

I thought that that's kind of how this worked.

Okay, why don't we switch it up?

Why don't I tell you what I think happened,

and then you can tell me if I'm wrong.

Okay. Okay.

So it started with a thought.

A horrible thought. Something dreadful.

Maybe you thought that you'd harm someone.

Maybe you thought you did something horrific

or were capable of it.

And this thought was totally against your self-identity,

but it started to consume you.

And not in a casual way,

but in the most intense way you've ever experienced.

The more you tried to push that thought away,

the stronger it returned and just became

this incredible source of anxiety.

You tried to hide it from everybody that you know...

because just the thought of it frightened you to your core.

You were afraid you'd be judged for it,

you thought the people who loved you no longer would,

that you were vile and depraved.

So you tried to bury it.

Eventually you realized you couldn't do that anymore,

so you told somebody that you were close to.

And then it was out there, right? It was no turning back.

Then you got into talk therapy,

which just made the problem worse

because talking about it ad nauseam

just made you really hate yourself

and destroyed your self-confidence.

How am I doing so far?

Hey, listen, I want you to know that I'm not doing this

to make you feel like a number, okay?

I'm doing this because the first rule of treating OCD

is that the content doesn't matter.

It's completely irrelevant.

Right? There's POCD, pedophilia. There's HOCD, homosexuality.

There's hit-and-run OCD, existential OCD, harm OCD.

There's ROCD, which is centered around romantic relationships.

- I mean, the list goes on. - Well, yeah.

Definitely got those last two or three.

And that's my point.

They're all exactly the same.

Just thoughts.

Right? And what I'm gonna teach you,

and this is really important,

is that no matter how much your brain tries to lie to you

and tell you that it's about

the content of your thoughts, it's not.

It's about your reaction

and your relationship to those thoughts.

I see.

Things don't make us anxious.

Anxiety is a state of mind. Does that make sense?

I think that you'd benefit most

in group therapy.

Why is that?

Late onset is difficult.

It creates an identity crisis.

There's a stigma that needs to be overcome now.

And so I think that the group therapy

will mitigate this.

And you need to be around people

who've been managing this for a long time.

And then you can see that OCD is not a death sentence.

Sure. Whatever you think. I already trust you.

Listen.

You're gonna get better, I promise.

In this community, we help save each other.

You can't even surf on these things.

It's not about that. It's about getting out on the water.

Paddleboarding is for chumps.

- Then you should be an expert. - Fuck you.

Hey.

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Everybody take it easy. Cut the shit.

I'll take you both to a Big Book meeting.

No sweat, Coop.

Just a little bit of tension is all.

Take a breath, Meryl.

Hey.

Don't let him get to you.

Just focus on what you can control.

You been good this week?

Yeah. It feels...

better to get out of the house.

I bet, yeah.

Seventy-two-hour detox is a bitch.

No, it wasn't that bad this time.

Just too much time in my head.

Well, you know what Slater says.

"In your head, you're dead."

Yeah.

What?

You were right.

About what?

I shouldn't have gone home. I just...

didn't know any better.

I'm a little lost, you know?

Take that all away for a second.

All the distractions, all the bullshit.

What do you wanna do?

If you had a clean slate,

money didn't matter,

what your parents wanted didn't matter?

No one's ever asked me that before.

Well, what would you like to do?

I don't know.

Like, um, I like fashion,

but that's not really, like, a job or anything.

- What? Sure it is. - [LAUGHS]

What, you think clothes make themselves?

No, I know, but I'm just saying, like,

where I come from, it's not a job.

Good thing you're in L.A. then.

[MAN ON TV] What, ever?

[WOMAN] Forever and ever.

You don't believe me, do you?

Well, here's auf Wiedersehen to Joan!

[GUNSHOT]

[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ON TV]

[TV SHUTS OFF]

[QUIETLY] Hey. You should go to bed.

Rodney.

Uh, OCD lifer.

I've been, uh, managing this thing since I was, like, 8.

Been through it all, one point or another.

So mainly HOCD in my early 20s.

Thought I was gay.

Uh, but ended up in conversion therapy

before I put it together, so yeah.

And I'm currently here for a flare-up of a hit-and-run OCD.

So every time I drive,

I convince myself that I cause a car accident, so...

Yeah.

Liz.

Like all of us, plenty of traits

go back to childhood, but I wasn't diagnosed

until sophomore year of college.

Before that, I spent years in talk therapy

just exacerbating my compulsions.

Since I've been diagnosed, been through a lot of them.

There's hit-and-run OCD,

there's OCD surrounding starting a fire,

skin picking.

I'm here because I'm an elementary school teacher

struggling with pedophilia OCD.

Hey, I'm Jake. I'm an alcoholic.

[LAUGHS] Sorry, wrong meeting. Just kidding.

I've been dealing with OCD for about 15 years.

Combination of pure and physical.

Started out with contamination, scrupulosity OCD,

which is based in religion.

Uh, recently, I've been dealing with magical thinking,

and in particular, the irrational thought

that if I don't perform certain rituals

in certain ways, my son will die.

So um, yeah, it's been a lot of fun.

Okay. Thanks, guys.

Um, Cooper, feel free to go in depth if you like.

Whatever you want.

So Cooper, obviously.

Uh, about a year ago, my mom got really sick.

She has an autoimmune disease, was in the hospital.

My mom means a lot to me.

My father left to start a new family when I was young,

so she raised me.

Anyway, things got really bad for her,

to the point that I had to book my travel plans to say goodbye.

And that same week, I lost my job.

Production on a film I wrote fell apart.

Point is, I shut down.

I didn't know how to handle it all.

And I had the thought cross my mind

for the first time in my life

that maybe it would be easier to just give up.

My mom ended up making a full recovery,

but for the next five or six months,

I became consumed with anxiety, thinking I was suicidal.

But I didn't say anything to anybody.

I kept it all inside.

It was a fucking nightmare.

There was nothing I could do to stop it.

And around that point, I had the thought

that what if instead of harming myself,

I harmed my girlfriend?

Uh-huh.

It's morphing.

What?

That's what it means when the OCD jumps from

- one obsession to the next. - Yeah.

Okay, okay, so I guess it morphed.

As hard as things already were,

that's when it started to eat me up.

I was able to rationalize if I ended up hurting myself

once it became about...

the woman that I love.

Even then, kept it all hid.

Until one day we were leaving this grocery store

and I walked by this little...

kid, this little boy.

And I had--

The image flashed across my mind

of me stabbing the boy in the face.

[NORA] You're in a safe space.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

Hmm...

I'm sorry.

We left the store, and I just collapsed into my girl's arms.

I told her everything.

Got into talk therapy.

[LAUGHS]

You guys know the rest.

She's been great, my girlfriend.

She's--Fiancée, actually.

We just got married. We just got engaged.

- [BOTH LAUGH] - Sorry.

- Congratulations. - Yeah. Congrats, man. Ah!

Thanks, thanks. Thanks, guys.

Um, that's the thing, though.

Now I've been struggling with relationship OCD,

picking everything apart.

Wanting it to be perfect before we get married.

I've also developed pretty severe health OCD,

thinking I have cancer for no reason.

We are all perfectionists.

That thing just comes with the territory.

- Well, thank you, Cooper. - Yeah. Yeah, thanks, man.

We've all been in your position before. All right?

So just big steps, bro, all right?

You're in the right place.

[DOOR OPENS]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

How did the group go?

Still going.

Wanna smoke?

I have this disconnect where I think how I should feel.

Yeah, but if you take

an analytical approach all the time,

you're bound to see the world through a gray lens.

But it's like the numbers tell you so.

Heartbreak is just the law of averages.

The numbers are insignificant

unless you can decipher

how they affect something as a whole.

I don't understand that.

I'm saying love is a choice.

Hope is a choice.

You just said you're in love with her.

I am.

Em is a great girl, dude.

You think you're the first guy to ever spin out?

But what if that's all a relationship is?

Shit that you have to constantly overcome.

We're talking about love.

It's not a permanent state of bliss.

[CHUCKLES]

Look.

I don't mean to get all hippie and shit, but...

you gotta find joy in the journey.

What are you doing here, man?

What do you mean?

What are you doing at this rehab?

I went to college with Tess.

She thought I'd be good at this.

No, I know all that. That's not what I mean.

What are you doing in this rehab?

I don't follow.

Everybody here has to be here.

The clients, they're at rock bottom.

I'm here because I'm sober. It's part of my program.

Slater, sober.

Tess lost her sister to addiction.

Nobody ends up at rehab unless they have to.

I don't know.

[♪]

Why are you still so resentful about that?

Because I apologized, I was sincere, and you accepted.

I'm figuring this thing out. I overthink, I obsess.

That doesn't give you an excuse to be an asshole.

- That's not fair. - Know how hard it's been for me

to have a fiancé who's having doubts

but he's telling me, "They're not really doubts.

- So just be cool. Help me." - I have to filter out

every thought that passes through my head.

Do you know how exhausting that is?

Imagine trying to fix your mind,

but can't trust the mind that's fixing it.

I'm gonna slip up, I'm gonna fuck up.

And I'm gonna let things through that are not real.

It's just my anxiety talking.

But I won't know that until after the fact.

Right, but if you don't know it, how am I supposed to know it?

You have to trust that deep down

- it's not how I really feel. - Oh, I'm trying.

Look, you can lean on me. Right?

I'm here for you. I've been here for you the whole time.

I know you have.

It's just hard when talking about it makes it worse.

I can't tell other people I love what I'm going through

because they'll just get so concerned.

And that makes it harder.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry about your family. I--

Babe, I just think you're spun out.

I--It's not gonna last forever.

It doesn't feel that way right now.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

I'm here for you.

I really... I really am,

but our relationship doesn't get to go on hold.

Right? I need you to show up.

And I need to be able to express how I feel.

You don't feel that you can?

Honestly, right now, no.

No. I feel like

I have to take a back seat.

- Well, I don't want that. - Okay.

So tell me.

Go ahead. Whatever it is.

I feel like this engagement is bullshit.

Like, it doesn't feel real.

Well, I mean it.

Very much.

And I love you.

Okay.

- I know. - Okay.

And I love you too.

- Okay. - Okay.

[BOTH] ♪ I believe ♪

♪ That you were made for me ♪

♪ And I was made for you ♪

♪ I believe ♪

♪ That you were made for me ♪

♪ And I was made for you ♪

♪ I was made for you ♪

♪ I was made for you ♪

♪ I was made for you ♪

♪ I was made for you ♪

♪ I was made for you ♪

[BOTH BREATHING HEAVILY]

Oh, yeah.

[BOTH PANTING]

- [LAUGHING] - You okay?

Oh, shit.

- Babe. - What?

I fucked up my cycle. We shouldn't have done that.

[SPITS]

See?

Okay. Well...

I know it's not ideal, but we can go get Plan B.

It's a good thing you caught it.

I hate that I can't be on birth control.

The app's been working fine. We just have to be more careful.

Oh, we have to be more careful?

No, really you maybe have to be more careful.

[LAUGHS, SIGHS]

Hey, you should be more careful.

You've got a little schmutz on your face.

Oh, you think I give a fuck?

You think I fucking give a shit, bro?

I--You do. You do.

What are you doing? No.

What do you think you're doing? No.

- Where are you gonna go? - You look like you have rabies.

- Get away from me. - I might have. Come here.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

We're gonna get into it when the group gets in,

but how was your week?

Well, today is the day.

Are you ready for your first exposure?

So excited. I still don't even get what it is.

So it's about desensitization, right?

So you're gonna write out your intrusive thoughts

or record them and then play them back.

Then you're gonna try to allow yourself to be anxious

without performing any compulsions.

That's the most important part.

It's where all the work gets done.

So make myself more anxious to be less anxious.

Essentially, yeah. Yeah.

Eventually I might have you walk around

with a pocket knife

or go to bed with a knife at your bedside.

But don't--CHUCKLES]

Don't worry.

Don't panic.

You got this.

What's this?

A book for your friends and family.

It's kind of like the dos and don'ts of how to help you out.

You should probably give it a read too.

- Thank you. - Mm-hm.

[SHIFTER CLICKS, CAR SHUTS OFF]

[SIGHS]

My OCD attacks my relationship.

Makes me dissect every aspect of it,

Emily and I, until I bring both of us

to the point of complete exhaustion

and we decide to break up.

After we break up, I realize

I've made the biggest mistake of my life.

At that point, I...

I try to get her back, but it's too late.

My...

I fall into a deep depression.

My obsessions spiral out of control

and I end up in an insane asylum.

All alone.

Driven to the point of complete insanity,

I decide to take my own life.

- [RACHEL] Hey. Come in. - What's up?

Duke said you wanted see me.

Um...

It's okay.

What's up?

Um...

Well, you know, like, what you were saying about me,

like, following my dreams and all that?

Mm-hm.

Well, I kind of brought it up in therapy.

- And? - Um...

I guess there's, like,

some fashion school called FIDM.

And I was thinking about maybe applying.

What?

- [CHUCKLES] - Hell yeah, dude.

- Let's go. - Yeah.

Um, I just don't really know how to do it,

so I kind of need your help.

Of course.

Anything.

Um...

Yeah, I have to, like, write an essay,

and then I need a letter of recommendation.

Okay.

And I know that you're a writer.

Um, but if you didn't wanna do that, I totally get it.

Pssh, hey.

I got you.

We're gonna crush this application.

You hear me?

Yeah, I just didn't, like,

wanna tell everybody else about it yet.

Mm, you don't want Brandon to shade your shine?

Exactly.

I won't say anything. Your business is your business.

- Thank you. - Big moves.

- [EMILY] Hey, babe. - Hmm?

How much time we got?

Five minutes max.

Okay. Okay, I'm almost ready.

Oh, uh, Nora gave me this book.

It's for friends and family. It's about how you can help.

Oh, nice. Um, can you put it on my nightstand?

Sure.

- Wow. - Yeah?

[EXHALES SHARPLY]

- You like it? - Yeah, I like it.

Do I look like a Bond girl?

They'd be lucky to have you.

Or like I'm-- Like I'm in a music video?

[LAUGHS]

- Yeah? - Yeah, yeah.

I mean, you know, I can do anything in this.

I can do my body rolls. I can do my around the worlds.

- Whoo! - [LAUGHS]

No, but, really, you like it? It's...

You look beautiful.

I do need five more minutes.

- Just, really, a quick five. - Baby... A quick five.

So another 15.

- I'm a lucky man too. - Oh?

- Yeah, you are. - Yeah.

I mean, zero argument here, right?

- You're so modest too. - Yeah.

I think modesty is one of my greatest strengths.

Wouldn't you say? Yeah, you like that? You like that comedy?

- Anybody need more wine? - Yeah.

No. That would be it.

Thank you.

- Good. - No?

[VOICES DISTORT, FADING]

- Oh, he gave up. - Cooper.

Yeah?

[STEVE] Give her a hand.

[EMILY] That's why we keep him around.

[STEVE] Yeah, he's very handy.

[JANICE] Well, I'd like to make a toast.

- Um... - Lovely.

We all love you.

Who you are as people.

Who you are together.

[EMILY] Yeah.

Just love you.

[CHUCKLES]

- Oh, my sweetheart. - Oh, here we go.

No, no, no, stop it. Your--

Your mother and I are just over the moon.

And we can't wait.

Well, Em and I are so glad to be here

with each and every one of you.

There's nobody we'd rather be celebrating this with.

Truly. So...

Cheers. We love you guys.

- Love you, Mom. - [ALL LAUGHING]

♪ One plus one, you splice me ♪

♪ The devil's in the desert ♪

♪ Two plus one, I splice you ♪

♪ The devil's in the desert ♪

♪ Two plus two, I splice them ♪

♪ The devil's in the desert ♪

♪ One plus one You splice me... ♪

Hey, hey, hey. Stop the music. Call 911!

[RODNEY] Oh, dude.

Cooper. Man, I--

I'm really sorry, man. That's--

[LIZ] Yeah, I'm sure that goes for all of us.

Absolutely. If it wasn't a heart attack, what was it?

We don't know.

Hopefully we'll get some results from the MRI today

and figure out what's going on.

But thanks, guys, I appreciate it. It's, um...

No. I mean, feel free

to take the rest of the week off if you--

No, no, this--This helps.

I have to show up for myself

so I can show up for Emily and her family.

Okay.

Well, I'm at least happy

that your first exposure is starting to wane.

You ready to step it up?

Ready as I'll ever be.

Hey, what's up? Is there any news?

[EMILY] I didn't know if you were still in therapy.

I'm on my way home.

- Are you driving? - Yeah.

Uh, we can talk when you get here.

Okay. Sure.

They don't think it's the years he smoked.

- So, what then? - He got cobalt treatment

in the '80s, and apparently, back then,

they did radiation from the neck down,

- so that could be it. - [SIGHS] Jesus.

- When can he come home? - Uh, later today.

Yeah. Mom's there now.

I can come too. I'll call work off.

- No, no. - Are you sure?

- Yeah. - I wanna help.

I know. There's gonna be time for that.

I think I should just go.

- Okay. - Okay.

Just let me know.

I wanna help. I'm here. Okay?

[PANTING]

[WHISPERS] I'm okay.

Fuck it.

Hey.

Where are you going?

What the hell is going on?

She made a rap video with her drug dealer when she was home.

She's all drugged out and naked in it,

making out with another girl.

She doesn't remember it, but it got put online,

- and her father saw it. - Oh, fuck.

Yeah.

I can't stay late today. I gotta get to class.

- It's okay. I'll do it. Yeah. - Thanks. I owe you one.

[CRYING]

[RACHEL] Hi.

- Do you wanna hear something? - Sure.

One time I paid 5 bucks

to lick the used spoon of a junkie.

That must have been a low.

Well, it definitely wasn't a high.

I guess, technically, it was.

[CHUCKLES]

Dude, my fucking dad saw that video.

Yeah. He did.

He told me he never wants to speak to me again.

He just needs time.

He's processing things, like you are.

Yeah, I know.

We can't control other people's emotions.

You can try.

It's a quick path to depression.

Well, I'm already depressed,

so fuck it. What's one more thing, right?

I get it. I know.

You have to fix yourself

right now.

All the demolition cleanup from your past...

that's for later.

[SARCASTIC] Yay. Can't wait.

[SIGHS]

You ready to go back in there?

Um...

just a few more minutes.

Sure.

[SNIFFLES]

Sometimes it's...

hardest to talk to the people you're closest to, isn't it?

Amen to that.

- How's your essay coming along? - It's good.

Uh, they want me to write

about a time I had to overcome adversity. Any ideas?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oh, FIDM!

- FIDM! - [YELLS] FIDM!

[♪]

[COOPER OVER SPEAKER] My constant fear and worry

eventually drives me to complete insanity.

I lose control of my mind and decide to murder Emily.

When I get home, she's asleep in bed.

I grab a butcher knife and hack her to pieces.

[SIGHS]

I've just been trying so hard, you know?

[RODNEY] Yeah.

But I think I'm finally getting it

that I can't take this on alone.

Yeah, but you're here, right?

Brother, you're gonna be okay. You are.

Steve's diagnosis has been making my health OCD

flare up like crazy.

Keep digging deep and trusting the process.

Just like OCD doesn't develop overnight,

it takes time to do the work.

But you're killing it, man.

Mm, I don't know.

- Thanks, guys. That's it. - Yeah?

Okay. Rodney, how was your week?

Aw, fuck!

Well, my week sucked, man.

Yeah. Uh, all right,

so I was already running late for work on Thursday

when I had this massive spike. Yeah.

I drove by this car accident getting off the freeway.

- [COOPER WHISTLES SOFTLY] - Yeah.

So, uh, I sat pretty well with the anxiety,

you know, for a few blocks,

but then, uh, I lost the battle.

Yeah. My OCD convinced me that I caused the accident.

So I drove back to the scene.

How many times did you drive by?

Fuck. Like five, you know? Fuck, you know?

I wish it was just the drive-bys though, right?

- Yeah. - But--So I parked my bike,

joined everyone on the curb, and I watched the scene.

Yeah. And I started asking everyone

if they saw what happened.

So reassurance seeking?

[STAMMERS]

Yeah. But I didn't stop there. I didn't stop there.

Started probing the police officer.

Yeah. Yeah.

On the scene. Trying to find out if they had any leads.

- Right? - No, you didn't. NO, you--

Grab your popcorn. This shit gets even better.

- Yeah. - All right.

[ALL LAUGHING]

So an ambulance came, right?

And I ended up following it all the way to the hospital.

- My God. Rodney! - Yeah.

Yeah, but before he got admitted,

I walked in front of the guy

that got into the car accident to see if he recognized me, man.

Like total weirdo shit, man.

Total weirdo shit. [CRYING]

I mean, I'm laughing now, but...

But it was shitty as hell, you know?

I was like, what,

like two hours late for work.

And I spent the rest of the day convinced--

I was so fucking convinced

that the cops were gonna come arrest me

any second, man. Right?

Isn't that crazy?

Fucking weird.

How was your week, Liz?

I'm glad you're here, Rodney.

Oh, Jake. You're gonna be all right, Coop.

Thanks, man.

Fuck, right?

Aw, shit, man.

Yeah. Yeah, fuck it.

[COOPER] Hey, hey.

Hey, mate.

What's going on in the game?

Uh... Oh, uh...

- Lakers just pulled it out. - Nice.

Yeah. You want a drink?

I'm okay. Thanks.

Oh, no, it's okay.

I'll have one for you.

So...

I just wanna address the elephant.

It's Stage 4.

It's aggressive.

I'm pretty much looking to palliative care.

Okay.

You two take care of Janice.

Gonna fight the hell out of this thing for as long as I can.

But she's gonna need a lot of support.

Absolutely. But we're gonna be here for you too.

- Yeah. - Okay?

Em told me you know a lot about this stuff.

I have--Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

I weirdly have a lot of cancer knowledge. Yeah.

What do you think of my chemo hat?

Pretty sharp, huh?

Sinatra.

Sinatra in the flesh.

[BOTH LAUGH]

-"Luck Be a Lady." - [CHUCKLES]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

You got this, Steve. You're gonna be okay.

Yeah.

[SOBS]

I'm scared.

[SOFTLY] I know.

I don't wanna go first.

[CRYING]

First.

[EMILY RETCHING]

You okay?

So apparently, the morning-after pill

only works on leftover sperm

and is useless if the sperm and the egg have already fused.

- Wait, what? - Yeah, so I'm fucking pregnant.

If we get the abortion, we can't get it for another two weeks.

How come?

Um, they caught it so early that...

we have to wait for the embryo

to grow to a certain size, I guess.

I mean, I'm not--

This isn't, like, the first time.

- I'm not 19 and we're engaged. - I know.

I mean, I know that there's no perfect time. Jesus.

- [BREATHES DEEPLY] - Take all that away.

What's your gut telling you?

I don't know.

I'm confused too.

But I know I love you.

Like a crazy person.

And Steve's dying.

[SOBBING]

Hey. Come here. Hey.

Come here.

[SIGHS]

Whatever we decide...

- You decide... - Mm-hmm.

I'll be right here.

Always.

Okay?

[SNIFFLING]

Can I use your shirt?

Here, let me help you.

Mmm.

That is so weird when you do that.

Mm. You like it.

You good?

What?

You just--ou seem really quiet.

It's freaking me out.

I'm just giving you space to think.

You're over there writing your masterpiece.

How long have you and your fiancée been together?

Eight years. Wow.

I was like 10 when you guys met.

Oh, like 10.

Like--Like--Like 10? "I was like 10 years old."

I'm a junkie, okay?

- I don't know how to do math. - [LAUGHS]

"I don't do math." Where you from, dude?

I don't do math. Two plus two, I don't know it.

- Two plus two is five. - [LAUGHS]

Two plus two is five, maybe six, I don't know.

"I'm from Omaha."

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Oftentimes you don't see your rock bottom coming

until it's too late.

I have 29 years. I go to meetings three times a week.

I'm the CFO of a Nasdaq-traded company.

Still, there is not a day

that I don't think about using.

Let me leave you with this.

Get out of your story.

Get out of those cyclical thoughts

that have you thinking it means anything.

Because it doesn't.

The only thing that matters...

is what you do.

Every choice you make...

is a step toward fear...

or love.

Choose love.

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

- That's me. - Great.

- Okay? - Thank you.

- Don't be afraid to use it. - Okay. Thank you.

- All right. - Very nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you. Bye-bye. - Thank you.

Dude. She said she'd be my sponsor.

What? Amazing, dude.

What's that make now, four or five?

Two, actually.

Probably the same amount of girls you've been with.

Poor things.

[SNICKERING]

[COOPER OVER SPEAKER] My constant fear and worry

eventually drives me to complete insanity.

I lose control of my mind and decide to murder Emily.

When I get home, she's asleep in bed.

I grab a butcher knife and hack her to pieces.

[PLAYING "LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE"]

♪ Love me like a fire ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a flood ♪

♪ I'll give you Everything I have ♪

♪ Down to the vapors In my blood ♪

♪ I'll be your broken levee ♪

♪ If you will be my drug ♪

♪ Love me like a fire, boy ♪

♪ I'll love you like a flood ♪

♪ Love me like an anchor ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪

I'll give you Everything I have ♪

♪ Even the things I haven't got ♪

♪ I'll tell you That I love you ♪

♪ When you're worried That I'll stop ♪

♪ Love me like an anchor, boy ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪

♪ Come on now, love me ♪

♪ I need you to love me ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ And love me ♪

That was around sophomore year of college.

Had a difficult period with hit-and-run,

uh, and currently struggling with POCD.

Hey, man, I'm Cooper.

I got diagnosed a few months ago.

Relationship OCD, harm OCD, cancer OCD.

Uh, just figured I'd go for the trifecta right off the bat.

Um, I've been in your position, man.

I get it. We all do.

OCD attacks the things that you love most.

But this group is unbelievable.

It's where you're gonna get the support that you need,

- if you're open to it. - [SNIFFLES]

Thanks.

- You're welcome, man. - Yeah.

So, welcome.

- Thanks. - Yeah.

- [LAUGHS] - Yeah, dude.

All right. See you, bud.

- Later, Nora. - Have fun tonight.

- Hey, Cooper. - Hmm?

You are making some serious progress.

I really think you're gonna be a good resource for Brian.

Thank you. I hope so.

And I think that you're ready for a new exposure,

but I wanna do it here,

like a one-on-one, more clinical setting.

Okay. What is it?

I think you should talk to Emily about it first.

- Okay. Sure. - Yeah.

It's hard for me to feel clear

- about anything right now. - Mm.

I'm just getting a handle on my mental health and...

Steve's fucking dying.

I know. I keep thinking about that.

Like, the whole "carrying life while preparing for death."

But outside of that, it seems like we're leaning towards "no"?

Logistically, it would obviously be better

down the line.

But is that what you want?

You know, I'm not ready either.

That's not what I said.

I know, but you're not saying the opposite.

Now it sounds like you wanna keep it?

No, I--

I don't know. I don't know. I don't fucking know, I--

I told you, I support you whichever way we go.

I love you. We're not young, but we're not old.

We can do whatever we want. We can...

We can freeze eggs. We can adopt.

We can...

get pregnant again.

We've talked about all these things.

Yeah.

You're right.

No. You're right. We should wait. We should...

We should get through all your mental health stuff and--

And Steve and all of the grief. And then...

And then we should reset.

You know, we should travel and plan our wedding and...

And do it on our own terms.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

Hey, dinner's almost ready.

- No rush. - Thanks.

Wow, this the new series?

[JANICE] Yeah. I just went up to Matador.

I thought it might help

to put my head back into work.

Wow, these are...

amazing, J. Seriously. There's something so...

otherworldly about them.

Yeah. Thanks.

- Oh. Oh, okay. - Mm-hm.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

How are you?

Em told me

he's not responding to the chemo very well.

I've made my peace with it best I can.

I tell you what, though,

managing other people's emotions is exhausting.

Fuckin' A.

- [LAUGHS] - Thank you.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I know you've been going through a lot.

But I appreciate everything.

Of course.

Em told me what you guys decided.

Are you okay?

I think so.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

That's about as far as I ever get.

[♪]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[BRANDON COUGHING]

[SIGHS] Okay.

Both of you find a rock, like one the size of a baseball.

- Why? - Just fucking do it.

- Who made you counselor? - You're always

challenging everything. It's fucking exhausting.

[COOPER] Okay. Okay.

Enough. Just trust me for a second, okay?

Write whatever you want.

Gonna play along?

All right. I want you to charge this rock

with all the negativity...

all the pain...

shame...

guilt.

I know it sounds like some wack-ass shit, Brandon. Just...

bear with me.

And then you're just gonna...

Fuck cancer!

Fuck heroin!

Y'all is corny as fuck.

- [MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER] - Fuck this ratchet-ass shit.

Let me play something.

No one wants to hear your country shit.

- You think that's better? - Yeah.

- That's better than this? - Yeah.

- This is so good. - Who you even listening to?

[BRENDA] Your mom. I'm listening to your mom. Your mom's new album.

Everything cool?

I don't think so. I have to call Emily.

- Can you hold it down? - Yeah.

I'm so sorry, dude. I--I'll explain to you.

I'll explain it later, dude. [SIGHS DEEPLY]

[BRANDON] At least I got a mom.

[BRANDON LAUGHS]

Hey.

I'm gonna lead you back.

[♪]

♪ Hope Is the strangest of words ♪

♪ I choose to keep the faith I deserve ♪

♪ The rest is absurd ♪

♪ When the thunder Crashes down ♪

♪ I will take solace In the sound ♪

♪ Because serenity I have found ♪

♪ The angels in the attic ♪

♪ Are breaking my habits In half ♪

♪ I'm living this life Like it's my last ♪

♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪

♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪

♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪

♪ In a shade That is brighter than black ♪

- Thanks for coming. - Of course.

Well, in my experience,

it hasn't always been "of course."

This kind of treatment is often misunderstood.

Well, I... I just wanna help in any way I can.

So are you ready to try it?

Mm-hm.

Okay.

First thing. Cooper, pick up the knife.

[WHISPERS] Okay.

How does that feel, sitting next to Emily with it?

- I feel fine. - Great.

Now turn your chairs so they're facing each other.

[SIGHS]

Okay. Point the knife at her.

How does that feel?

I'm okay.

Now take her left hand, palm up.

You're gonna place the knife on her wrist

so that the serrated edge is up.

Hey. I'm fine. Go ahead.

[EXHALES SLOWLY]

[NORA] Okay.

Sit here for a second in the anxiety.

Don't let yourself engage in any mental rituals.

[EMILY] I'm okay.

Now, both of you stand up.

Cooper, hold the knife...

against her wrist with the sharp end down.

[EXHALES SHARPLY] Okay.

[NORA] It's totally okay, Cooper.

- Mm-hm. - We're gauging this as we go.

We won't take it any further than you're capable of.

No, no, no. I just--I--I need--

I need--I need a moment. I'm okay. I, uh...

I'm nervous, but I... I can still handle it.

Now say, "I might cut you, Emily."

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I might cut you, Emily.

[NORA] That's amazing, Cooper.

- Emily, you all right? - Uh-huh.

- Yeah? - Yeah, yeah.

[NORA] All right. Last one.

Cooper, hold the knife up to Emily's neck.

- What? - If you're not ready,

it's completely 100% okay, but I think that you are.

I wouldn't have you doing this if I thought otherwise.

Mmm...

I, um--I just need a minute. I need a minute.

- Take all the time you need. - [CLEARS THROAT]

And again, it's okay if you don't feel ready.

Your progress today has been incredible.

Okay, let's do it. Let's go, let's go. Um...

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

- You ready? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

[EXHALES SHARPLY, CLEARS THROAT]

- No compulsions. - Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Just let the anxiety be there.

Now say, "Emily, I'm gonna cut you,

and you're gonna bleed out and die."

[EXHALES SHARPLY] Oh, fuck.

I'm gonna cut you, Emily. And, uh...

[INHALES DEEPLY]

- Fuck. - I'm so proud of you. You can--

- No reassurances. - Oh, sor--Okay.

[SNIFFLING]

Emily, I'm gonna cut you. You're gonna bleed out and die.

I'm sorry.

- You're safe. - [CRYING]

Fuck!

That took profound bravery.

- [EXHALES DEEPLY] - Okay.

I'm so embarrassed. I'm sorry. I'm so embarrassed.

It's okay. It's all okay. It's okay.

I really appreciate you doing this. I'm sorry.

- It's okay. It's okay. - Fuck.

It's okay. I've got you.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- It's okay. It's okay. - Fuck.

It's okay. You're okay.

You're okay.

You're okay.

[BOTH SIGH DEEPLY]

- Hey. - Hey.

Thanks for doing that. I know that was pretty weird.

I mean, yeah. Yeah, a little, but I get it.

I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Sorry, how long do you think

until, uh, we can laugh about this?

[BOTH LAUGH]

Sorry.

Ahem, sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. No, I'm not, I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm not trying to minimize it.

Everything that you just did

was so beautiful and so vulnerable.

And I'm so sorry.

- Dude. - I'm sorry.

[LAUGHING]

Okay. Okay. Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Hey. I'm really-- I'm really proud of you. Okay?

- Yeah. Thanks. - [LAUGHING]

I really am. Come here.

- Oh! - [SIGHS]

- All right. - Mm-hm.

[RACHEL SIGHS]

Here we go.

You got this. We went over everything.

- [LAUGHS] - Yeah, dude. Yes!

- So that's it? - Yeah.

He signed the contract with the therapy team.

He's fully aware.

No more bullshit or he gets sent back to County.

Good. That's what he needs.

Scrubbing floors and Big Book meetings.

This holistic approach isn't working for him.

[COOPER] Well, all right then.

Guy's a lost cause anyway. Let's protect our energy.

- For sure. - Mm-hm.

[NURSE] Emily Mansfield.

So both options are equally effective.

It's just a matter of preference.

But if we put her under, we have to come back.

That's right.

Okay.

Do you mind giving us a minute to decide?

No, not at all.

I don't need a minute.

I don't want to come back again, so...

[COOPER] Are you sure?

I think we should take a minute to process this.

No, I just said I don't need a minute.

You just heard her.

You know, let's do it.

I don't wanna wonder if we didn't finish the job.

Okay.

- Local anesthesia it is. - Okay.

- Yeah. - I'll be back in 15 minutes.

Thank you.

You sure? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah.

You don't have to do it.

No, I know. I'm okay.

Oh, thanks.

Okay, can you distract me? Can you, like, just--?

Can you just talk?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah?

- Um... - Just talk.

About what?

Um...

What's your favorite day

in our relationship, do you think?

- Ever? - Ever. Yeah.

Come on.

- Um... - [LAUGHS]

Come on.

Probably...

Remember when we were in Serbia?

Yeah.

And we went wine tasting?

Yeah.

- Remember? Yeah? - Yeah.

- And we--It started raining. - Yes.

[LAUGHS]

And we went and we made love in that castle in Novi Sad.

- Yeah, we did. - Yeah, we did.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- What about you? - I don't know.

I don't have a specific day that pops into mind. I just...

I don't know. I think all the little moments, you know.

Me too.

- Sorry. - Don't be sorry.

- [KNOCKS ON DOOR] - Are you ready?

Mm-hm.

Yeah. Yeah, right?

- Okay. - Okay.

- Yep. Like this? - Mm-hm.

- Okay. - You're doing great.

- Okay. - Now just...

You're doing great. It's gonna be okay.

- You're doing great. - Great.

Mm-hm.

[SNIFFLES]

Mm-hm.

I'm okay.

- You're okay, babe. I know. - Mm-hm.

I'll be back. I'm gonna pick up dinner.

Okay.

Text me. Let me know if you need anything.

[YELLING]

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Oh, fuck. Oh, God.

I'm gonna go to bed.

Okay.

Oh, honey. What did you expect?

[PEN TAPPING]

Is he coming?

[BRANDON SIGHS]

[SNIFFS]

Here I am, Coop.

What's on the docket today?

Want us to write about our fucked-up childhoods?

Where's your notebook?

I lost it.

The prompt is: if you could give your past self advice,

what would you say?

Brandon, unfortunately that means

you've had to have learned something before, so...

I learned that you think you're a fucking fashion guru,

but you ain't shit but a junkie.

[COOPER] All right.

That's enough. I don't want to hear another word from anyone.

The only sound should be the sound of pens

scribbling on paper.

I didn't start anything.

- It doesn't matter. - The hell it doesn't.

Take it up with your therapist.

Whatever.

[VAPE THUMPS ON TABLE]

Put your phone away.

Brandon.

[LAUGHS]

Brandon.

- Give me my fucking phone back! - No phones in group.

- That ain't yours! - Get it back after group.

Yeah, well, fuck your bitch-ass group!

Y'all fucked up now!

I'm really sorry, Coop.

[SCREAMS]

Fuck this goddamn bullshit!

Flip one more piece of furniture and you're out of here.

- You've already been warned. - I don't give a shit anymore!

You never gave a shit in the first place!

You motherfucker!

Tell me I'm wrong.

You don't get it.

You're not sober. I don't want to talk to you.

- It's just me here. - Then fuck off!

You signed the agreement.

If you don't come back and join the group,

you're going back to jail.

Man, you on some shit I ain't even ever seen before.

You got me all fucked up!

Back up. I'm gonna lock myself in the office

- and call the police. - [CRYING, SNIFFLING]

I got two little girls, man.

I know you do. I'd like to help you if I can.

Why? You can't help me anyway, bro.

What, you think having us write in a journal or do yoga

is going to do anything?

I do. I do, yeah.

No. Anybody can come to a mansion

and find their chi or whatever the fuck.

It's just me out there, man!

It doesn't have to be.

You don't know what it's like to be alone,

to feel alone and all that shit.

You'd be surprised.

You got your cool-guy vibe,

your fiancée, living in Hollywood.

You don't know shit about me, man.

Mm.

But you wanna give me the sound bites

and the Instagram recap, go ahead.

That's what this is, right?

We come here, spill all our bullshit,

and you just throw us pithy phrases like robots.

You have zero fucking clue

what it's like to have to trick yourself every day

into actually thinking you can fix yourself!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Sit down.

You wanna hear my shit? Sit down. I'll tell you.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Been suicidal for the last year.

Thought I was.

I had lost control of my mind.

Thought I was headed for an insane asylum.

Turns out I have clinical OCD.

Now I just walk around

with the obsession that I might go crazy

and slit my fiancée's throat and then commit suicide.

I've also become obsessed that I have terminal cancer.

This experience has completely destroyed my self-esteem.

And I think that I'm a total failure of a human being.

And I oscillate...

between all those thoughts

about once every 15 seconds of my waking life.

Top of that, my future father-in-law just died.

Lung cancer.

Then my fiancée got pregnant.

Decided to have an abortion.

Now she regrets it.

I can see that she's...

She's totally broken.

And here I am...

talking with you.

Giving a fuck about you.

Exactly because you have those two little girls at home

who need more than anything

for their father to take responsibility for his life...

for his disease.

And outside of them, because you deserve it, Brandon.

Life's been shitty.

And here's a newsflash. It's gonna keep on being shitty.

And you're right. It is just you out there, like it's just me.

But it takes this.

Man, it takes this to help us figure our shit out

and to remember that life can also be

pretty fucking incredible sometimes.

Love yourself, bro. Nobody else can do that.

And either show up here

and do the work and stop blaming everybody else,

or give this bed to somebody who gives a fuck,

because me and Tess and Slater and Duke

will give you everything that we got.

But you've gotta want it, man. You gotta want it.

More than anything.

I do want it. I want it so badly.

I just don't know how.

[SOBBING]

I don't know how.

Take a minute to gather yourself.

Come back out and join the group.

Coop.

[SNIFFLES]

Just think about what you wanna write about.

Okay.

- Sorry about that, guys. - It's okay.

It's all good. But it shouldn't have happened, so I apologize.

Thanks, dude.

[SIGHS]

I'm just...

I'm really sorry about that.

I'm sorry too.

Just so you know, I don't really think you suck at fashion.

[GIGGLES]

[RACHEL] Thanks, dude.

Thank you.

All right. Show's over.

Fifteen minutes, guys.

[♪]

You don't wanna marry me? You?! Get out of here!

Get out! Get away from me!

Chris! Get away from me! Chris! Chris!

You okay?

Yep.

Okay.

[SNIFFLES]

What's up, baby?

Um...

It's not your fault.

And I need you to know that.

Huh?

What are we talking about right now?

I feel really clear about this.

Wait, just--Let's-- Let's... go back for a second.

- Can I say what I need to say? - Okay. Yeah.

Um, over the last few weeks, I've...

felt my body change, and I've...

I felt life grow inside of me,

and it made me realize that, um...

I don't wanna wait.

I don't wanna wait. I don't wanna freeze my eggs.

I don't want to-- I just, I wanna, um...

I wanna have a baby, Cooper. And I wanna do that soon.

And I can't stay with someone who I did this with.

And you didn't do anything wrong.

You didn't do anything wrong. You told me...

how you felt, and you were clear the whole time, and...

I just--I feel differently now.

Okay?

I don't--I don't understand.

[STAMMERS]

- We've gotten through so much. - Mm-hm.

And now we're at the end of it.

I'm feeling better.

Don't give up. Wha--?

No, listen--

We can work-- We can work through this.

- I don't think we can. - Let's just talk about it.

I can't. It's not about communication, Cooper. I...

I have to leave. I have to leave.

I've been here my whole life, and you have to stay here.

It's where your dreams are, and I understand that.

But I have to go. And I've been sacrificing that.

But I have to go and...

And find something beautiful. I just have to be free, okay?

So I'm gonna go and I'm gonna be at my mom's, just so you know.

Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on for a second. Hold on.

Please don't do this. Please don't do this.

Please don't do this.

Cooper, I have to.

- Okay, I have to go. - Let's just talk about it.

Cooper. Look at me. Look at me.

This is the hardest decision

I've ever had to make in my life, okay?

So I have to go.

- Don't go. Please don't go. - I'll be at my mom's. Okay?

- Okay. - I'll see you. I'll--

I'll just come there.

[DOOR CREAKS OPEN, CLOSES]

Hey, Nora. It's Cooper. Call me as soon as you can.

Hi, Nora. It's Cooper. I need you to call me back.

Hi, Nora. This is Cooper. I'm trying to get ahold of you.

I, um, really need to talk to somebody.

Hi, Nora. Call me back as soon as you can.

It's an emergency, okay? Bye.

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

[GROANS LOUDLY]

How are you doing with all that?

I understand how she feels.

And if I'm honest, I could feel it too.

That's the thing, bro.

I mean, just because you're doing better

doesn't mean she is.

She was probably putting off her own needs

for a very long time.

That's what really gets me.

I just wasn't ready.

Clearly, she wasn't either.

That's true. Not something to beat yourself up about.

She's just so shut down now.

Everything is like, "I'm sorry, Cooper. I hear you, Cooper."

Heard my name more in the last weeks

than in the eight years we were together.

- So you guys are still talking? - Just logistics at this point.

Um, she still has some stuff she needs to move out,

then we'll break off contact. I know it's not healthy.

I'm sorry, Cooper.

You just never get that chance again, you know,

to have your first big love make it the distance.

Hey, hey, hey. Key word is "first" big love, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Um...

Uh, in brighter news,

I booked a screenwriting job.

It's for a feature. I found out this week. Yeah, yeah.

I let work know I'm gonna take some time off.

I'm gonna take my laptop and travel.

I just booked my tickets.

Three months in South America.

Buenos Aires, Rio.

- When do you take off? - Next week.

Yeah. He told me last week he was leaving.

[INHALES DEEPLY]

So this is it, guys.

Time to cut the cord.

You all have such beautiful, open minds.

And I don't know where I would be without all your support.

Oh, man. Right back at you, bro.

[CHUCKLES]

Ahem. Thank you.

I really appreciate it, Cooper.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CHUCKLES]

What?

It was no problem. I was on my way to the rehab.

Oh, congratulations on the-- On the writing job.

You really-- You deserve it, Cooper.

Yeah, thanks.

You too.

Tess told me that you sold a song

to that indie band.

I don't want it to be like this.

- Like what? - Like awkward.

I didn't want-- And I don't want to fight or--

- Neither do I, but I-- - [SIGHS]

I can't just be friends.

Because we're not.

I can't live that lie.

What?

Nothing.

Bye, babe.

Bye.

Cooper.

He'd want you to have this.

Thanks, J.

Uh...

[CHUCKLES]

- Listen, I--You know? - I know. Me too.

- Take care of yourself. - I will.

Good.

Thanks for everything.

You too.

[DUKE] There he is.

- Johnny Hollywood, baby. - Whoa!

Hey, what can I say? I'm a badass.

[TESS] Yeah, you are. Congrats, dude.

Thanks, Tess.

[SLATER] Off to stuff those Brazilian babes.

- Oh! - Ahh!

Come on.

I don't know if I'm quite there yet, up here.

But, you know, I'll-- I don't know.

[LAUGHS]

- Oh! - [Duke] Are you ready?

All the clients are in the living room.

I am. That's what I'm here for.

Potential. That word says everything, brother.

You're gonna get out exactly what you put in.

You had some breakthroughs here towards the end.

Got a long way to go, but I...

I believe in you.

I believe you're gonna get there.

Just don't give up. Don't ever give up.

And don't be such a little asshole anymore.

Okay?

[SNIFFLES]

But seriously, bro.

We're here for you. Reach out anytime.

- I don't wanna talk to you. - Yeah, you do.

What am I supposed to do now?

Exactly what you've been doing.

Building good habits. Trust yourself.

I can't do this alone, dude.

I was never always gonna be here.

You know it's not like that.

Yeah, but I thought you'd at least be here until I left.

You're stronger than you think you are.

It's not about that.

It's about the fact that I gave in

and I did what you asked,

and now you're leaving.

You can always reach out.

My dad's not talking to me. All my friends are fuckups.

I still need you, man.

You're just another fucking letdown.

That's not fair.

Fuck fair. Whatever.

I'm sorry. I can't do this.

Left my spare key in the desk drawer

- if you need to move it. - Cool.

Um, this is for Rachel.

I knew she wasn't gonna take it.

Oh, um, I left a curling iron on my desk as well.

It's Em's. If you could give it to her, if you see her.

- Sure, if I see her in time. - What do you mean?

- Oh, shit. She didn't tell you. - Tell me what?

She's moving to Paris next week.

I'm sorry.

That's okay.

I'm not surprised.

Just a little thrown off.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Bye. - Bye, Coop. Have a great trip.

- LAX, right? - Yeah.

Bye!

Bye, Cooper!

- What is this? - He didn't tell me.

It's my letter of recommendation for my application.

I see.

- Should I read it right now? - If you want. It's up to you.

[SIGHS]

"Dear Admissions Committee,

I had the pleasure of meeting Rachel

as her rehabilitation counselor.

I can say unequivocally

that Rachel is one of the most promising people I've ever met.

Emphasis on 'people,' not 'client.'

I could be writing this letter from the perspective

of how much I gave to her

and how much she learned during her time here.

But the truth is that she gave more to me

than she received.

Her ability to flourish in the face of crisis

has been incredible.

How fearless she's become.

I believe vulnerability is the greatest form of courage.

And Rachel's exhibited nothing but that.

Courage of the highest degree.

She had the courage at 18 to face her darkest hour.

To come to L.A. and seek treatment

for a disease that no longer defines her.

To face the backlash from her friends and family

and pursue this application.

It's an inspiration to witness.

I don't personally know

the first thing about high fashion,

but I do know through Rachel now

that you can't hold someone back

who's conquered their own mind.

And for that, I'll remain forever indebted.

All of us need the help of other people.

Give this young woman a chance, I beg of you.

I can think of no one more deserving of your education.

Sincerely, Cooper Ganz."

[CHUCKLES]

["LOVE ME LIKE A FIRE" PLAYING]

Oh, my God, I got in. I got in!

Wait, wait! No way!

Would you mind turning up this song?

Yes!

♪ Love me like a fire ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a flood ♪

♪ I'll give you Everything I am ♪

♪ Down to the vapors In my blood ♪

♪ I'll be your broken levee If you will be my drug ♪

♪ Love me like a fire, girl ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a flood ♪

♪ Love me like an anchor ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪

♪ I'll give you Everything I have ♪

♪ Even the things I haven't got ♪

♪ I'll tell you That I love you ♪

♪ When you're worried That I'll stop ♪

♪ Love me Like an anchor, girl ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a rock ♪

♪ Come on now and love me ♪

♪ I need you to love me ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ And love me ♪

♪ Love me like an altar ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a church ♪

♪ I'll give you Everything I can ♪

♪ Through the good times And the worst ♪

♪ I'll tell you I've never done things ♪

♪ When I can see You want to be the first ♪

♪ Love me like an altar, girl ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a church ♪

♪ Love me like a seraph ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a saint ♪

♪ I'll give you Everything you need ♪

♪ And I'll never need To be thanked ♪

♪ Just promise You'll remind me ♪

♪ When we're old And my mind goes blank ♪

♪ That you loved me Like a seraph, girl ♪

♪ And I loved you Like a saint ♪

♪ Come on now and love me ♪

♪ I need you to love me ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ And love me ♪

♪ Love me like a monkey ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a vine ♪

♪ I'll give you Everything I have ♪

♪ If you'll let me Call you mine ♪

♪ I'll put you On my shoulders ♪

♪ Up all the mountains That we'll climb ♪

♪ Love me like a monkey, girl ♪

♪ And I'll love you Like a vine ♪

♪ Come on now and love me ♪

♪ I need you to love me ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ And love me ♪

♪ Come on, baby I need you to love me ♪

♪ I need you to love me ♪

♪ Come on, baby ♪

♪ And love me ♪