Original subtitles

♪ There's a hundred and four days of summer vacation ♪

♪ And school comes along just to end it ♪

♪ So the annual problem for our generation ♪

♪ Is finding a good way to spend it ♪

♪ Like maybe ♪

♪ Building a rocket or fighting a mummy ♪

♪ Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower ♪

♪ Discovering something that doesn't exist ♪

Hey!

♪ Or giving a monkey a shower ♪

♪ Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots ♪

♪ Or locating Frankenstein's brain ♪

It's over here!

♪ Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent ♪

♪ Or driving our sister insane ♪

Phineas!

♪ As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do ♪

♪ Before school starts this fall ♪

Come on, Perry!

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all ♪

♪ So stick with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all ♪

Mom!

Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!

We're back, my loyal Schwartzes, all ten of you.

And as I was saying,

O.W.C.A would be nothing without me.

My evil helps them exist.

- [dings] - Wait, wait. What's this?

BeefyMustache55 is calling me a hack?

All right, you're going live.

Oh, I should've known it was you, Francis.

Doofenshmirtz, you would be nothing without O.W.C.A

foiling your evil ridiculous ploys.

My sweet, misguided Francis.

Your jobs wouldn't exist without us.

Let's see, "fight it out..." what, what's a simp?

"Settle it over a soccer match?"

That's so random.

Hmm...

What do you say, BeefyMustache55?

A bunch of expertly trained athletic field agents versus some...

haphazard scientists? [chuckles]

I am in.

Okay, if Love Muffin wins,

you have to shave your mustache.

[gasps]

How dare you?

When we win,

you have to shave your head.

Wh-- Wh-- When we win,

you have to shave Karl.

Please keep me out of this.

Oh, too late, Karl. A deal's a deal.

[Phineas] All right, gang.

It's time for us to play...

Can You Hit That Thing With A Stick!

The thing in this case being that rock.

What may I ask is this?

Can You Hit That Thing With A Stick.

Where we...

well, try to hit that thing with a stick.

I guess I should not knock it until I try it.

[laughs, grunts]

Wow.

The thrill of hitting that thing with a stick

- is like no other. - Truth.

Like no other? What's like no other? What are you up to?

- [Isabella whoops] - [gasps]

Ooh, I feel the rush of hitting that thing with a stick.

[sighs] Are you guys seriously just throwing sticks at things?

That is so not bustable.

Hmm. [grunts]

Whoa!

That's weird.

I can throw balls, no problem. Watch this.

That can.

That mosquito.

That Hadron Collider.

Huh. Strange we never noticed that.

Now let me try this stick again.

Why?

I know what we're gonna do today.

We're gonna build a stick throwing target practice arena.

Hey, where's Perry?

He's just over there.

Okay. Let's go get some supplies.

[wristwatch vibrating]

[Francis] Super code red emergency, Agent P.

The super code red emergency is that our organization, O.W.C.A.

has to square off with the evil scientists organization,

Love Muffin, in a soccer game.

And I get to be unpaid waterboy.

And I would obviously lend my incredible athleticism to the team, but...

I get a little too competitive.

It's uh, not pretty.

Anyway, Agent P, get over there and see what Doof's up to.

I know he'll find some way to cheat.

[♪ chorus singing] ♪ Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated! ♪

Perry the Platypus.

How nice of you to showcase your loyalty to me.

You're on-- you're on our team, right?

No? Okay, fine.

The Love Muffin team will still be unstoppable.

As you know, kicking a ball is not my forte.

Behold, my bring me a ringer-inator!

Which, as you may have deduced, will bring me a soccer player,

because let's be honest, we are athletes of the mind,

not the body, obviously.

So, our team, you know, needs a little-- Ow.

My bad.

♪ You gotta hit that thing with a stick ♪

♪ Just loosen up your wrist and give it a flick ♪

♪ You gotta hit that thing with a stick ♪

♪ You're not too old of a dog to learn a new trick ♪

♪ You gotta be a stick throwing lunatic ♪

♪ You gotta hit that thing with a stick ♪

♪ It's gonna be sick ♪

♪ And it's gonna be sick ♪

Seriously?

You're just tossing little slender pieces of wood all day?

I'm not upset.

I'm just disappointed in you.

[grunts]

Ah! Left again.

Everything keeps going left.

- I'm cursed. - Maybe it's time

we go back to the drawing board and--

More sticks.

All right, O.W.C.A. This is for the honor of the agency.

Drill time.

[screeches]

[trumpets]

[moans]

Agent W pulled a muscle! Get the stretcher.

The big one.

Teamwork makes the scheme work.

I even convinced Vanessa to come show her support.

Ra, ra...

Dink Winkerson here, and out of prison so many times I've lost count.

But I'm out again, and I have a compulsive need

to report on the first thing that I see.

Ooh, a soccer game. That'll do.

And it's a beautiful day for the ultimate contest of good versus evil.

[Doof] Francis.

Prepare to shave your upper lip and your intern.

You're lucky I'm exercising boundaries.

Otherwise you'd be burnt toast, Doofenshmirtz.

Oh, yeah? Let me introduce you to my little friend.

Cristo Fernandez?

Soccer is life.

But more importantly, acting is life.

Don't give me that look, Francis. You brought Megan Rapinoe.

Uh, yeah. I'm just here 'cause my house is being tented.

♪ The termites have nested, the house is infested ♪

♪ Tuff Tents ♪

And your misfortune is our fortune.

Let me get this straight. You're a soccer player turned actor,

turned actor-soccer player?

Si. Si. Si. But those are just three of my dimensions.

I have way more to offer.

Like... I'm also devilishly handsome.

And I'm back in the game.

Ra, ra!

Yeah, listen, you're an actor, so act.

If anyone slightly bumps into you,

fake an injury.

Do a, do a whole soliloquy, just sell it.

Hold on a second.

So, you just want me here to flop?

I actually played some professional soccer.

I don't need your life story,

just flop on the ground like a kid throwing a tantrum.

Our ref for today is Klimpaloon.

the old timey bathing suit that lives in the Himalayas.

[whistle blows]

♪ Give the ball a kick ♪

- ♪ Give the ball a kick ♪ - Ai!

♪ You've got to give that ball a kick ♪

♪ Give that ball a kick ♪

♪ Run up and down the field real quick ♪

♪ Wind up, give that ball a kick ♪

♪ Give that ball a kick ♪

♪ You've got to be a goal making lunatic ♪

♪ Hold up, stop ♪

♪ And pose for a pic ♪

♪ I don't want to be impolitic ♪

♪ But you should give that ball a kick, man, it's gonna be sick ♪

♪ Give that ball a kick, man, it's gonna be sick ♪

- ♪ Give that ball a kick ♪ - ♪ Yeah, it's gonna be sick ♪

- [bones crack] - Ow.

I should have stretched.

Oh, come on. That goal is not regulation size.

Enough of this.

Are you serious?

- [Klimpaloon grumbles] - What?

And we're at half time.

Let's talk to the players.

- Well, I-- - The important ones.

Thoughts on the game so far?

Good question. I really feel like I've found my character's motivation.

What do you mean, structural damage? [groans]

Well, that sounds expensive.

And now a word from our sponsors.

Tuff Tents!

Just what we need to help Buford hit his targets.

Almost done.

[Dink] And the second half is underway.

Agent B takes the ball and flutters gracefully down the field.

[exclaiming in pain]

It hurts.

It hurts so much.

The pain, the drama.

Everything-- I have representation

and can also do comedy-- [sobbing]

No, wait, no, you're overselling it. [groans]

You were supposed to stay in the game.

Oh! My house is ready.

- Bye! - [helicopter hovering]

Ooh, both teams are down a player.

But O.W.C.A no longer has enough players to even continue the match.

They may have to forfeit.

That is, unless their coach enters the game.

Well, Francis? I've been playing this whole time.

Are you gonna step up, or do you want to just let me know

what shaving cream works best with your skin? [laughs]

Karl, get over here.

You're putting me in?

No, I need hydration. I'm going in.

In the final seconds Love Muffin leading by one

on a two on one breakaway heading toward the keeper.

They pass back and forth, forth and back,

keeping the Platypus on his toes.

Incredible.

The block ties the game.

Hit me! Hit me, I'm open! I'm open!

[grunts]

- [crowd cheering] - Not today, Heinz.

Not today.

You're a monster, Francis.

Ooh, illegal tackle.

Doofenshmirtz gets a chance for a penalty kick to win the game.

It's all on you do, Doofenshmirtz.

Don't blow it.

- Ha-ha! - [thuds]

Oh, come on. Don't act surprised.

I literally just said we're evil, so we have to cheat.

Okay, everyone.

Time to finish helping Buford hit his target.

A-ha!

Wait. Giant hands?

I guess it's not nothing. I'm getting Mom.

On the count of three, we'll activate Lenny.

- [clicks] - One.

Two.

Three.

Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom! [grunts]

What the--

Phineas and Ferb.

Yes, I did it.

I hit that thing with a stick.

Take that, thing.

Moving the entire city eight inches to the left was just what Buford needed.

Candace, sticks.

They're throwing sticks, sweetie.

But... but, but, but--

What the...

No way. How did-- What the--

- You heard the referee. - [blows whistle]

Tie game.

This is Dink Winkerson, going back to prison.

[all cheering]

[screams]

Oh, sportsmanship. Fine.

- Sir! - [grumbles]

Okay, fine.

Well, I have to admit, that game reminded me

how important Love Muffin is for O.W.C.A to stay motivated.

And it reminded me why I'm behind a desk now.

My brain is more stable than my brawn.

Okay, fine. But you didn't win,

so I get to shave your mustache.

Well, you didn't win either, so I get to shave your head.

[gasps]

- A bet is a bet. - Carl, get back here!

[Carl screams]