Original subtitles

NARRATOR: Previously on Once Upon A Time...

I have something that will make Regina do my bidding forever.

APPRENTICE: You have forsaken your holy duty. You must be punished.

EMMA: Now, what do you say we let out the Author?

- Think about this. - I'm not worried about it. Are you?

Oh.

We have a lot of questions.

Hey!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

The Author, where is he?

We lost him.

We know him, Emma.

What?

We met him a long time ago before you were born.

He, um...

Manipulated us.

It's because of him we were put on the path

to causing Maleficent to lose her child.

It's true.

No, what's true is no matter how you were manipulated,

you still did what you did and you lied to me about it.

You've been lying to me about everything.

About you, about me, about...

That's not the case. It's one incident from our past.

Don't downplay it.

MARY: Well, we've changed.

We've tried to become the parents you deserve.

I'm only the Savior because you altered the entire state of my being

at the expense of someone else's soul.

You're right. What we did, it was wrong.

But we didn't fully understand what we were doing.

We acted out of fear. We're human.

Yeah, well, right now, I don't care.

But none of that matters now.

We have to find that Author before Gold does.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Ripped By mstoll

Well, I'm not much of a writer,

but I do know something about magic quills.

Such as?

Well, for starters,

they must be sculpted from the wood of enchanted trees,

which, unfortunately for you,

is not an attribute any of the timber in Storybrooke possesses.

Damn it!

I need to go.

Yes, you do. Or, um, you could come with me.

(LAUGHS) Why would I do that?

You're quite possibly the biggest pain in the ass

I have ever had the displeasure of writing about.

(CHUCKLES) Yes, there is that.

But there's also this.

What do you want from me?

You are gonna write me a whole bunch of new happy endings.

(TWIGS SNAPPING)

(SIGHS)

- Okay. - I thought so.

(INSECTS CHIRPING)

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(GASPS)

Your hands are tied, I'm afraid. No more magic for you today.

So now I'm your prisoner.

You and the Author.

Well, actually he had the good sense to join the team, whereas you...

You backed the wrong one.

What about everything you said to me? You wanted me to find my happiness.

Well, it's true. Just not at my expense.

You see, the affection I have for you,

well, there are limits.

What happened to you?

I lost everything.

Just as you will if you don't do as I say.

I found this in your pocket.

Telephone number registered to a Robin of Locksley.

Give that back.

I'm guessing you have this number

because you're worried about poor Robin Hood

out there in the cold, harsh world.

And so you should be.

What do you know that I don't?

What happened to Robin?

Ask him yourself.

Call.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

(SIREN WAILING)

- (HORNS HONKING) - MAN: Hey, I'm walking here!

I'm walking here!

(SIREN WAILING)

It's loud!

We'll get used to it.

What are we looking for?

Our new home.

Regina gave me the keys to Mr. Gold's son's apartment.

Baelfire?

He came from the enchanted forest just like us

and he lived here for many years.

- That means we can, too. - Yes.

Mama, I'm tired.

I'll carry him. You lead the way.

Mama!

- Stop! - Hey!

(GRUNTS)

Hey!

(HORSE WHINNIES)

(HOOFBEATS)

Hyah!

(CARS HONKING)

Hyah!

(TIRES SCREECH)

Hyah! Hyah!

(GRUNTS)

A thief that steals from those in need has no honor.

What are you talking about, man?

(SIRENS WAILING)

(TAVERN MUSIC PLAYING)

- (LAUGHTER) - (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

Unless you're here for a pint, Little John, the answer's no.

I have a fresh lead.

King Midas' carriage is passing through town tomorrow,

and he'll only have a few of his Royal Guards with him.

You know I haven't so much as lifted a penny since Marian and I got married.

Look around.

She and I have made a new start. This is my new life.

But you're not a barkeep, you're a thief.

(DOOR BANGS OPEN)

Well, I had to see this for myself.

Robin of Locksley walking the straight and narrow.

Nice apron. M'lady.

Sheriff.

(SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM SUCKS TEETH)

- What can I do for you, Nottingham? - Hmm.

- What can you do for me? Huh. - (LIQUID POURING)

Well, for starters, your taxes are overdue.

I need time.

(SLURPS)

(SUCKS TEETH)

Well, because I'm in a generous mood,

I'm giving you two days.

After that, I'll have no choice but to shutter your tavern

and throw you in debtor's prison,

and poor old Marian here will have no arms to hold her but mine.

She'd never be with you.

I can speak for myself.

I'd never be with you.

Well, when you are on the street and your husband is in jail,

perhaps you'll see my appeal.

I'll find your money somehow.

Really?

Two days.

If this is New York, I'd hate to see the old one.

Oh, we've been in tougher scrapes than this before.

But I'll admit this modern world is a bit confusing.

This is all my fault.

Marian, if you hadn't left Storybrooke, you'd have died.

I made the decision to come with you and bring Roland.

Nobody forced my hand.

I know.

Your honor's your greatest strength,

but it's also the reason you're here and not with the woman you truly love.

Do you remember what you said to me our first day as outlaws?

I said so many things.

- (THUMPING) - (DOOR RATTLING)

Roland. Come here. Stand near your mum.

(RATTLING CONTINUES)

What the hell are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

That's none of your concern.

Your concern is removing yourself from the premises.

This...

This is my son's home. You're trespassing.

No. This is our home now, and we're not going anywhere.

Look, (SIGHS) I really don't have time for this.

I've got business to attend to.

(SCOFFS) What business could you possibly have in a world without magic?

The business of my happiness. Now get out.

Oh, you're here to find the Author, aren't you?

So she told you? Of course she did.

Well, then, (CLEARS THROAT) you'll also know that if I don't find the Author,

Regina won't get her happy ending either,

which might be good for you, too.

I'm sorry, but I will not succumb to your games.

I know better than to trust you.

I have a wife and child.

We need this home and we're keeping it.

No, no, no.

(GASPING)

Gah!

Gold?

Gold!

Gold!

ROBIN HOOD: Oh! (COUGHS)

Great to see the Sheriff didn't scare everyone off.

What can I get for you?

No, I didn't come here for the ale.

Nor, clearly, for the ambience.

I came to make a deal.

I've asked around for the best thief in the land, dearie,

and everyone's pointed me to you.

Yes, well, uh, I'm not in that line of business anymore.

And soon, it seems, you won't be in the tavern business, either.

Is that a tax notice on the door?

Get to the point.

RUMPLESTILTSKIN: I...

I can solve all your problems.

I need you to go to a faraway land.

A land that's ruled by an old compatriot

who would not be, um, happy to see my pwetty face again.

I need you to break into the vault

and steal the Elixir of the Wounded Heart.

That's a ridiculously self-explanatory name,

and also probably a fool's errand.

It's far from that, dearie, far from that.

It does exactly what it says.

It cures wounded hearts, physically, emotionally.

It's powerful stuff.

So how would you like to take a little trip?

Where would I be going?

Another realm. A land called Oz.

Would you do that for me?

(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER P.A.)

DOCTOR: Sir?

Your friend's awake.

What did the doctor say?

Only what their small minds can comprehend.

Prattling on about diets and exercise.

They tell me it was a heart attack.

But you have other ideas.

My problem isn't physical.

It's moral.

All the dark deeds I've done have taken their toll.

Poisoned my heart, thickened the blood.

Back in Storybrooke, I used magic to protect myself,

but out here,

I won't last without some.

Well, unfortunately for you, Dark One,

there is no magic in this world.

True.

We can't create magic here,

but we can use magical items

if they were brought from elsewhere.

Remember something from our past?

The Elixir of the Wounded Heart.

Something I asked you to steal.

Well, I think I might know where some of it exists

right here in New York City.

And I need you to get it for me.

And why would I help you?

For the same reason you left the woman you love.

You left Regina because you are a man with a code,

a man of honor.

And that, despite everything,

is the reason why you will save me.

WILL: Lovely view, ain't it?

ROBIN HOOD: Bloody hell.

- Thank you, mate. - For what?

For saving me life.

I'm sure that guard had it in for me.

Nice landing.

Can I assume you were apprehended unjustly?

I was just trying to nick something to eat, man.

Well, then consider this a professional courtesy.

You're a thief, too, are ya?

Former thief.

What's a former thief doing in Oz?

(GRUNTS)

I've come to steal a potion from a wicked witch

that can mend a broken heart.

So, I guess the "former" bit was a bit premature.

Are you mad?

That's a right good way to end up dead, that.

Well, that's a risk I'm gonna have to take.

Been offered a fortune to procure this, and I need it to keep my tavern.

You're risking your life for a tavern? Nah.

There must be a woman involved.

In fact, there is. My wife, Marian.

I promised her a better life, and I intend to keep that promise.

How noble!

I'll tell you what, you steal me some of this potion, too,

I'll see that this guard wakes up far away from here.

Don't want him sounding an alarm now, do we?

Consider it a deal.

Oh, one last thing,

I'm gonna need your help peeling him out of this uniform.

(HORNS HONKING)

The Wizard of Oak? That was his cover while in our world.

Well, apparently being great and powerful did not mean witty.

But he was effective.

Zelena sent him to New York to keep an eye on Emma.

She would have been a fool to send him without precautions,

magical charms, potions.

And Zelena's no fool.

No, she wasn't.

(ALARM BLARING)

Bloody hell.

Nothing.

(BLARING CONTINUES)

(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)

There you are.

(BLARING CONTINUES)

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(ALARM CONTINUES BLARING)

Go around the side.

MARIAN: I hope you're happy.

You could've been arrested, and then what would have happened to us?

I had to.

Juice, please.

Have milk, son. It will help you grow big and strong.

Never doubt that you and Roland are the most important thing to me,

but to turn my back on the less fortunate,

especially a man that's dying,

it goes against everything I stand for, my code.

Your father's right.

At least about milk.

Does your code really extend to helping the likes of Rumplestiltskin?

Perhaps you should consider the greater good and let him die.

Let him die?

That's not the Marian I know.

Look around you, Robin. Everything's changed.

Not me.

(CORK POPS)

WICKED WITCH: What do you think you're doing?

(VIAL SHATTERS)

Hail, the Wicked Witch!

- You're not my guard, are you? - Of course I am.

My guards know never to talk to me.

Who are you, and why are you stealing from me?

(CHUCKLES)

(DISTORTED) You think you can kill me?

- Don't make... - The wrong...

Choice, thief.

Last chance to save your life.

There's only one person bold enough to steal from the Wicked Witch.

Why did Rumplestiltskin send you?

(COUGHING)

(GRUNTS ANGRILY)

You okay, mate? How'd it go back there?

(PANTING)

I'm afraid I failed.

What?

It was a trap.

As soon as I walked inside, there was a witch waiting for me.

I never even got close to the Elixir.

You didn't steal a single drop?

Nothing. I'm sorry, Will.

(MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY)

You found it.

Indeed.

And now that I've made good on my promise,

we need to strike a deal.

Well, make it quick.

Before this potion heals you, you will move on.

Your son's apartment belongs to me now,

and I never want to see you there again.

It's yours. Take it.

Now give me what's mine.

Good riddance, Rumplestiltskin. Our dealings are done.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Goodbye, thief.

It's not working.

It's not working.

- Why isn't it working? - (VIAL SHATTERS)

MARIAN: Because it's not real magic.

What?

I tried to convince Robin to let you die, but he just wouldn't listen to reason.

So here I am.

You switched the vials.

I did.

The one you drank won't cure your heart,

but it will lessen the effects of seven cold and flu symptoms.

Don't worry, it's non-drowsy.

Why are you doing this? I've done you no harm.

That's not exactly true.

Zelena?

(GASPING)

How is this possible?

Imported magic, dear.

Never travel between realms without it.

You remember the six-leaf clover from Oz, don't you?

It's quite the effective glamour spell.

No, no, I killed you.

Mmm, you tried.

When you stabbed me in that jail cell, I didn't die.

(GRUNTS)

My life force simply fled my body before it shattered.

I had somewhere to go.

Or should I say some time?

You followed Emma through the time portal.

(SCREAMS)

ZELENA: That I did.

And when I realized what Emma had planned for Marian,

well, I knew I had to get in while the getting was good,

so I bided my time, watching Emma and her one-handed lover,

scurrying about trying to right their mistakes.

And when I saw that they planned on bringing Robin's wife back,

I mean, (LAUGHS) inspiration struck.

And then I struck.

For a few careless moments, they left her unattended.

That was all I needed.

I killed her.

And then I became her.

I took her form.

Do you know, it wasn't easy not being me,

but knowing that it would ruin Regina's happiness...

Oh! (INHALES DEEPLY)

I mean, that made it worth every dull moment in her body. (LAUGHS)

Marian

never made the trip to Storybrooke.

No. (LAUGHS)

No, dear.

It was me all along.

And, you know, no one's been the wiser.

Not her husband, not even her child.

I mean, she's as dead as, well, your son.

- (GRUNTS) - Oh! (CLICKS TONGUE)

Oh, that's right.

I suppose that means you never avenged his death, that you failed.

- Oops. - (MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY)

- (GASPS) - (MONITOR FLATLINING)

(WOMAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER P.A.)

- (ALARM BLARING) - (GASPS)

Hollow.

(CHUCKLES)

What a beautiful echo.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Oh!

Oh, please, help him.

(NURSES SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(MONITOR BEEPING)

Shh. Shush, dear. Don't try to talk.

Look at the magic in this world, Rumple. Hmm?

A tube that breathes for you.

Why, your predicament does look painful.

You know, there's a time I would have relished this.

And with your vendetta against me for the death of your son.

Wow!

That would make this a strong practical choice.

- (SNORTS) - But, see, I'm not done

telling you about my clever plan.

Yeah, I was going to use my little Marian glamour to steal Robin's heart,

to make him fall in love with me.

To steal Regina's fated true love.

How ultimate, you know?

But I think that loss could finally be a wound that doesn't heal.

(SIGHS) Sadly, it didn't take.

I can't win his heart.

Something is standing in the way like a... Like a stone wall.

Could be fate, could be true love,

or some other bias in the universe towards those who deserve happiness.

But whatever it is,

I am certain that there is an author

who could simply force a happy ending for me.

And if there's anyone that could find him,

and bend him to their will, well, my money's on the Dark One.

Or should I say the Deathly Pale One. (CHUCKLES)

Anyway, whatever your plan is with the Author,

I want my happy ending built into it.

You'd also have to stop trying killing me, of course.

(IMITATES RUMPLESTILTSKIN) But, dearie,

what does old Rumple get out of it?

(CHUCKLES)

(IN NORMAL VOICE) I mean, you are aware I have a certain potion

that fixes hearts,

but I don't know if it could cure this little lump of coal

you've got in your narrow little chest.

(CHUCKLES)

But it will get you back home.

Yeah.

Your life for mine.

It seems rather fair.

Do we have a deal?

So what do you think?

If we do, simply blink.

(CHUCKLES)

Before you go, I'd like to thank ya.

For what? I failed.

For trying.

Not many have had the courage to do what you just tried to do.

It was an inspiration.

I'm sorry you won't be able to save your tavern.

Me, too.

But I'd be even more sorry if you left here thinking you'd letdown your wife.

You're an honorable man, Robin of Locksley.

You did you the best you could for the people who needed ya.

Well...

And if your wife is anything like the woman you said she is,

then she's gonna know what's in your heart when you get home.

You may be right.

I know I am, mate.

Because when I was a kid, I had somebody in my life

who knew me just like your Marian knows you.

Who was it?

Me sister.

You lost her?

She fell through the ice on a lake and drowned.

You never intended to sell that potion, did you?

You wanted it to mend your own heart.

I can't move on, mate. I don't know how.

Is that why you're out here all alone?

Doesn't seem fair to ask somebody for their heart until I can fix me own, eh?

That is a noble sacrifice to make,

especially for a thief.

Well, sometimes having a code is all we have.

Right then.

Good luck to you, Will. I hope you find what you're looking for.

And good luck to you with Rumplestiltskin.

It's not easy to get the best of that one.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Ah!

Bloody scoundrel.

GOLD: I thought you never wanted to see me again.

Well, after all the trouble I went to, I wanted to make sure you were well.

Well, I am, thank you.

And I wanted to give you something.

It's from the apartment, your son Baelfire's things.

There wasn't much left.

I thought you might want to have it.

No. No, thank you.

No? Why not?

Because these are the remnants of Neal Cassidy.

A boy who was in this land alone.

And all because his father was too much of a coward

to hold on to what he had.

I don't want a reminder of my failure.

A reminder that all I really wanted was happiness,

and when I had it, I couldn't recognize it.

I know what you mean.

With Marian,

I wished her to come back every day, and then, when she did...

You were in love with another woman.

It's more than just that. She's...

She's like a stranger to me now.

Why did you marry her in the first place?

Because I loved her.

And you thought she was gonna be your happy ending?

Yes.

And is she?

I don't know.

Well, (CLEARS THROAT) maybe you should take a piece of advice

from a man who has pushed away every chance of happiness

because it was never enough.

If it's within your grasp,

if you know where it is, and who it's with,

then you should run to it, grasp it,

and never let it go.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR BANGS SHUT)

What a crowd.

Well, I'll try to get the barkeep's attention.

You see if you can find us a table.

Business a little slow?

Well, I hope that didn't prevent you from making the money that you owe.

- I don't have any money for you. - Hmm.

Well, debtor's prison would be a fine place

for you to think about what you've done.

Not so fast.

Brigands! Seize them!

(GROANS)

You were right about me, Nottingham.

Thieving is in my blood, but how to be a thief with honor?

I think I've learned the answer.

By stealing from those who have too much,

and giving it to those who have too little.

(LAUGHTER)

You know Nottingham will want you dead now.

I consider that a victory.

You're the most famous hoodlum in all of Sherwood.

Robin of Locksley will be a walking target.

Well, I shall no longer be known as Robin of Locksley.

This famous hoodlum shall henceforth be known as

Robin Hood.

Yes. (LAUGHS) And that'll fool them.

It's symbolic.

And what of Rumplestiltskin? You never gave him the potion.

If he ever sees your face again, he'll kill you on sight.

Well, then I shall have to make sure that he never sees my face again.

Should I ever run across him, if I'm ever in a pinch...

The infamous six-leaf clover of Oz.

They say it can transform you into anyone you wish to be.

Clever, Robin Hood. Very clever.

Well, you didn't think I'd leave here with nothing, did you?

MARIAN: I should have known better.

I'm sorry that I didn't tell you what I was doing.

(SIGHS) There's always now.

(SIGHS) I was there to steal something so I could keep the tavern.

I thought that was what was important, but I'm not a barkeep.

I'm a thief.

I could have told you that.

While I was there, I learned that my thieving can be put to good use.

I met a friend, someone who needed help.

And when I helped him, it showed me that

when you steal for yourself, that makes you a thief,

but when you steal for someone else, that makes you a hero.

And you are.

And I wanna keep making a difference.

But this is no life for a family.

It is, as long as I'm with you.

You wanna stay with me?

This isn't gonna be easy.

It also won't be boring.

It doesn't matter where we are or what we face.

I wanna be with you.

I love you.

And I you.

MARIAN: Robin?

What's this?

Why is Regina's number on here?

I'm sorry. I've been thinking about her.

Do you want to be with her?

I feel like you're here, but you're not here.

I know this is hard, but you need to make a choice.

I don't wanna have to worry about who I'm with.

I'm here. Roland and I are fine.

If you wanna go back to Regina, then go back to her,

but you have to decide what you want.

I wanna be with you.

I love you.

You once gave up everything to be with me,

to be a bandit in the woods,

and you said something to me once that I should have taken to heart.

You remember?

Of course. But I want to hear you say it.

No matter where we are or what we face,

I wanna be with you.

And I meant every word.

And now so do I. (SIGHS)

You once gave up everything to be with me, and I lost sight of that.

You were once my happy ending, and I was yours.

And we can have that again.

I thought you were dead,

and now that we're back together,

(CHUCKLES) it's a miracle.

And only a fool would turn his back on a miracle.

(SNIFFLES)

(CELL PHONE RINGS)

(BEEPS)

Robin?

No, it's not Robin.

Marian?

(CHUCKLES) Not exactly.

Hello, sis.

No.

No, it can't be.

Oh, but it is.

Zelena.

But how? I saw you die.

You thought you saw me die.

Where's Robin?

This is his phone. What have you done with him?

I haven't done anything except love and honor him,

in sickness and in health, to have and to hold

and all that other wifely nonsense.

I don't understand.

Well, you don't have to.

All you need to know is that while your precious Robin

thinks it's his wide-eyed wife cooking dinner for him every night,

it's actually me. (CHUCKLES)

- (TIMER DINGS) - Oh, I've got to run, sis.

He'll be home soon, and I've got a meatloaf in the oven.

No.

No.

Oh...

You sound like you need a moment.

Take it.

I'm sure we'll see each other again very soon.

Ta-ta.

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

You knew.

And that's why you will do everything I ask.

Because one phone call from me,

and your beloved dies at the hands of your sister.

She murdered your son.

Zelena and I have come to an understanding.

And now you and I have an understanding as well.

(SCOFFS)

Regina, you are vital to my plan

to turn the Savior towards darkness.

You made me a monster.

But I won't let you do the same to Emma.

So you've made your choice, have you?

You're choosing the Savior over your beloved Robin Hood.

Is that your final answer?

Ripped By mstoll