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1
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# We're not going out
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00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,480
# Not staying in
3
00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,080
# Just hanging around
with my head in a spin
4
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,280
# But there is no need
to scream and shout
5
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,480
# We're not going out
6
00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:24,960
Well, that's it for another series
of Not Going Out.
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The audience has gone home,
the doors are locked,
8
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Bobby Ball has been frozen and put
back into storage for another year,
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00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,120
and the cameras
have stopped rolling.
10
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Apart from this one, obviously.
11
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,760
And this one.
12
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,280
And - oh, no, that one
is actually off.
13
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:41,280
But, since we're here, let's have
a look at some of the moments
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that haven't made it
into the final shows,
15
00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:45,600
the bits of Not Going Out
that didn't go out.
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The Not Going Outtakes.
17
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The It'll Not Be Going All Right
Out On The Nighttakes -
18
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is it any wonder I make mistakes
when people write stuff like this?
19
00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:54,560
Play the bloopers.
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00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,400
DIRECTOR: And action!
21
00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:57,680
LEE: Did you say action?
22
00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,240
LAUGHTER
23
00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:06,040
Did you say action?
I did. Right.
24
00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:09,960
Well, at least I'm not
a great, big knitter,
25
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followed by a huge plate of
excessive freezer-defrosting
26
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complaints, all topped off with
a massive bowl of chocolate
27
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chip traffa - I almost got it.
You so nearly did. You nearly did!
28
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BLEEP hell, I was close.
29
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Oh, you're laughing now - buckle in.
30
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LAUGHTER
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00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,920
If you've got any flasks and rugs,
now's the time to get 'em out.
32
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It's going to be a long journey
33
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and we're going to go
through it together.
34
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So, um, you've not been here
since you were a little boy?
35
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,400
No. Not since Auntie Maureen went
away for Christmas and me and me dad
36
00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,440
came up here, just the two of us.
37
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Although I didn't see much of him.
He left me to entertain myself.
38
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I wouldn't have minded... BLEEP!
39
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,680
No. Not since Auntie Maureen
went away for Christmas and...
40
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,600
LAUGHTER
41
00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,440
Yeah, Auntie Maureen went away for
Christmas and it was just me
42
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,840
and me dad came up here,
on our own, just the two of us -
43
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can I start this whole scene again?
44
00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:04,480
Yeah, not since Auntie Maureen
came up... Oh. BLEEP.
45
00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,760
Yeah, Auntie Maureen went
away for Christmas and me
46
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,840
and me dad came up here,
just the two of us.
47
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Although I hardly ever saw him.
48
00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,560
Left me to entertain myself
in front of the box.
49
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,560
I wouldn't have minded if we had a
television, but you could only...
50
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,840
BLEEP!
51
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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
52
00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,360
Yeah, Auntie Maureen went away for
Christmas, so me and me dad
53
00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,240
came up here, just the two of us.
Although I hardly ever saw him.
54
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Left me to entertain myself
in front of the box.
55
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,640
I wouldn't have minded
if we had a television,
56
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,520
but there's only so much
entertainment...
57
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,440
Phwoar, I was close.
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00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,440
LAUGHTER
59
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:41,960
Yeah, not since Auntie Maureen
went away for Christmas and me
60
00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:44,240
and me dad came up here,
just the two of us.
61
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:47,280
Although I didn't see much of him.
Left me to entertain myself.
62
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:50,040
I don't know this line,
I've decided.
63
00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,080
Last Of The Summer Wine, take seven.
64
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,480
LAUGHTER
65
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,480
If you were with me, it'd give me
the confidence to face my fear.
66
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,640
I've got another line,
haven't I? Sorry.
67
00:03:04,640 --> 00:03:07,520
The numbskulls in me brain were
so busy celebrating that line
68
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,800
they forgot to carry on.
They're going, "PAAAAARTY!"
69
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,520
And then one of them went,
"BLEEP, it's us again! Quick!
70
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,920
"Back to your positions!"
71
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:21,960
I mean, I will do the actual removal
of the baby if I - no.
72
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,080
I mean, I mean - oh, BLEEP, just
have the baby, I don't care.
73
00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,760
LAUGHTER
74
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,520
I'm washing me hands of it,
I don't care, it's not my problem.
75
00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:31,840
I'm off skiing.
BLEEP it, no, I'm skiing.
76
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:33,520
"I mean, if you do..." What?
77
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I mean, if you actually do
the removal of the baby...
78
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:40,320
"I'll do everything else." Oh, good,
I don't have to get involved, then?
79
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,640
I mean, if you do the actual
removal of the baby, I'll do
80
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,400
everything else. I mean, if you do
the actual removal of the baby,
81
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,200
I'll do everything else. I mean,
if you do the actual removal
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00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:51,040
of the baby, I'll do everything
else. And action! Fish and chips.
83
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:56,840
LAUGHTER
84
00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,080
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
85
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,480
Lucy, give me some credit.
I'm his best mate.
86
00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:11,560
I'll just offer words
of encouragement.
87
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:17,240
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
88
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:35,120
Stay there, stay there.
89
00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:39,160
I can't do it if they're going
to laugh every time. Sorry.
90
00:04:39,160 --> 00:04:41,560
I didn't think they were going
to laugh every time.
91
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:43,960
It's making me laugh.
Right, here we go.
92
00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:52,600
OK, I've got it this time.
93
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,080
HE LAUGHS
94
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,440
Action!
95
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:56,920
Good God. Ozzy...
96
00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,680
LAUGHTER
97
00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:03,400
OK, just give us a minute. Right...
98
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,880
THEY LAUGH
99
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,880
Here we go. Go!
And action!
100
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:12,240
Good God, Ozzy Osbourne's
been tangoed.
101
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,800
The type that made him grow
an extra penis on his back.
102
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,200
Anabolic?
No, just the penis.
103
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,240
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
104
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,640
So you're not worried
he'll come after you?
105
00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:37,960
No. The police reckon he'll be
banged up for years.
106
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:40,440
Apparently, they've been trying
to pin something...
107
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,880
HE SPEAKS GIBBERISH
108
00:05:41,880 --> 00:05:43,880
LAUGHTER
109
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,720
That's why he does that.
110
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,280
He's forgetting his line,
that's all he's doing.
111
00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:54,160
So you're not worried
he'll come after you?
112
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:56,560
No. The police reckon
he'll be banged up for years.
113
00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:59,480
Apparently, they've been trying
to pin something on him for years.
114
00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:05,040
No. Apparently...
115
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,120
Oh, for God's sake.
116
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,320
So you're not worried
he'll come after you?
117
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:10,840
Yes, I'm worried.
118
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:12,360
LAUGHTER
119
00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,120
So, what's the plan now,
Mr No-Gadgets-Allowed?
120
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:19,520
We're going to use a map,
Mrs...Tits.
121
00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,600
I'll get us to that campsite...
HE LAUGHS
122
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,240
THEY LAUGH
123
00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:27,040
Give me one more chance. Sorry.
124
00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,200
So, what's the plan now,
Mr No-Gadgets-Allowed?
125
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:34,520
We're going to use a map,
Mrs...Tits.
126
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,320
HE LAUGHS
127
00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:38,440
It's very difficult to do, this.
128
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:41,200
So, what's the plan now,
Mr No-Gadgets-Allowed?
129
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,760
Right, go, say it again, I'm ready.
130
00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:47,840
So, what's the plan now,
Mr No-Gadgets-Allowed?
131
00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:51,800
We're going to use a map,
Mrs...Tits.
132
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,080
I'll get us to that campsite
and have the barbecue...
133
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,560
HE LAUGHS
134
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,800
LAUGHTER
135
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,200
I've got words...
136
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:02,600
I've taken the words out, I'm not
going to read the words out.
137
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:05,920
Tim, it's not washing powder,
it's drugs. And you need to...
138
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,800
look at my lines, which I've
cheated on that newspaper...
139
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:17,720
LAUGHTER
140
00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:21,040
I'm just sticking me notes on
that I'm pretending I've learned.
141
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,680
LAUGHTER
142
00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,360
Picking up from your line, "You..."
143
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:33,480
I think my character would be
reading a magazine.
144
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,240
LAUGHTER
145
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:39,480
Look, OK, we have to tell someone.
146
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,080
Yes, but who?
147
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:44,720
Yes, but who?
There must be other...
148
00:07:44,720 --> 00:07:46,280
SHE LAUGHS
149
00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:49,200
"There must be..." I know!
It's written all over the thing,
150
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,520
I've just trying to find
which BLEEP line!
151
00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,840
Every time I look up I've got a
different scene looking back at me.
152
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,800
I'm having a breakdown on here.
153
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:05,400
Don't need that -
that's her lines, sorry!
154
00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:10,200
OK, look, we have to tell someone.
155
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:14,080
Yeah, but who? There must be more
people involved than just them two.
156
00:08:14,080 --> 00:08:17,440
Think about it, they managed
to smuggle a gun in a bag.
157
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:19,520
There must be other peo...ple...
158
00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,920
AS MICHAEL CAINE: They must
have someone on the inside.
159
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,720
LAUGHTER
160
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,080
Told you not to blow
the bloody window out!
161
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,200
OK, look, we have to tell someone.
162
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,480
Yeah, but who? There must be more
people involved than just them two!
163
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,720
HE LAUGHS
164
00:08:34,480 --> 00:08:36,720
Stop it!
165
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,480
Yeah, but who? Just go from my line.
DIRECTOR: OK. She's rubbish.
166
00:08:48,640 --> 00:08:50,200
Or something.
167
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,120
Something about fannies and vaginas
and width and tape measure.
168
00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,200
Put 'em together however
you want those words.
169
00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,040
LAUGHTER
170
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,680
Oh, I'm sorry, I appear to have
come on this skiing holiday
171
00:09:05,680 --> 00:09:07,240
without packing my tape measure.
172
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,920
I was going to pack it on the off
chance I had to measure the width
173
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:12,720
of a stranger's fanny in a cable
car, but, no, I seem to have
174
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,440
forgotten it and left it at home
and I've done it wrong again.
175
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,760
Oh... Oh, I'm sorry,
176
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,840
Oh, I'm sorry, I appear to have come
on this skiing holiday without...
177
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:24,440
What am I doing? I'm having
a breakdown! Wait!
178
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,440
Genuinely think I'm having
a breakdown.
179
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,640
Oh, I'm sorry - are you
recording this?
180
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:33,280
Oh, I'm... Oh, I'm sorry,
I appear to have left my tape...
181
00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:36,440
Oh, I'm sorry, I appear to have
come on this skiing holiday...
182
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,040
LAUGHTER
183
00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:40,840
I'm losing it now.
184
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,480
Oh, I'm sorry, I appear to have
left my tape measure at home.
185
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,880
I was going to pack it.
186
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,840
Oh, I'm sorry, I appear to be...
187
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,160
SHE GROANS
188
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:49,160
Shush.
189
00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,080
Stop laughing at me!
190
00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:59,120
Stop it! She's not in shot,
can she not look at me?
191
00:10:01,360 --> 00:10:03,880
Tell the actress
to stop looking at me.
192
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,160
It's amazing how different people
look in their passport photos,
193
00:10:08,160 --> 00:10:09,480
isn't it?
194
00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,560
"Some people", innit?
I'll say it again.
195
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:15,760
WOMAN: "How different people..."
196
00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:17,840
OK, so I got it right, then.
Yeah.
197
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:20,840
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
198
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,040
Right, those clips made it look like
I'm always the one getting it wrong.
199
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,480
Not true. One of the worst people
for messing things up
200
00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,320
I thought you'd gone out.
Gone out?
201
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,080
I don't live here, Lee.
This isn't a real flat.
202
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:40,800
The light switches don't
actually work. I know.
203
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,920
The phone's not really connected.
Yes, I know that, too.
204
00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:45,880
The toilet's not plumbed in.
205
00:10:47,120 --> 00:10:50,120
Excuse me a minute, I just need
to go and sort something out.
206
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:54,120
So, here are all the mistakes
I've made. All the mistakes?
207
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:57,400
We only get half an hour.
Just play the VT.
208
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,920
OK, enjoy your trip, Thailand.
209
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:01,560
"Enjoy your trip, Thailand"?
210
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,680
LAUGHTER
211
00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:07,840
A pregnancy test?
Yeah.
212
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,040
LAUGHTER
213
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,400
LAUGHTER
214
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:30,760
Did you go on screensaver again?
I did.
215
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,200
What was he doing?
Throwing eggs at people.
216
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,440
The clown in the woods!
217
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:37,120
I don't know, he ran off.
218
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,440
"Oh, God, do you reckon
he's a psychopath?"
219
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,120
Oh, God, do you reckon
he's a psychopath?
220
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,920
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
221
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:51,240
God.
222
00:11:51,240 --> 00:11:55,240
It's like when I was working with
bloody Keith Harris and Orville.
223
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:58,240
Brilliant. Until now we could have
handed the plate over
224
00:11:58,240 --> 00:11:59,840
and acted all casual about it,
225
00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,040
like we hadn't even noticed the extra
toe, but now as soon as we...
226
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:10,320
MAN: Lee? Yeah? Oh, it's my fault,
where I was stood, yeah? Yeah.
227
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:14,280
LAUGHTER
228
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,720
Brilliant.
229
00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,040
Until now we could have...
230
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:24,360
LAUGHTER
231
00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:25,880
Sorry.
232
00:12:25,880 --> 00:12:27,480
OK.
233
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:31,920
LAUGHTER
234
00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:34,480
Scary knowing the only thing
separating me from death
235
00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:36,800
is one single plank.
236
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,800
SHE LAUGHS
237
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,320
You know, have a...
238
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,360
thingy and see if there's
any wotsits or anything.
239
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,680
LAUGHING: They're struggling with
a tag line for the campaign...
240
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:03,560
They're struggling with a tag line
for the campaign. Can we use that?
241
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:06,480
I'll you exactly what you need to do.
242
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:09,840
"First, you need to have a bath,
which will soften the scrotum.
243
00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,480
LAUGHING: "Then roll each
testicle between..." Sorry.
244
00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,040
LAUGHTER
245
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:18,040
"First, you need to have a bath,
which will soften the scrotum.
246
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,080
LAUGHING: "Then roll each testicle
between..."
247
00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:25,960
LAUGHTER
248
00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,320
LAUGHING: "First, you need
to have a bath..."
249
00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:33,360
LAUGHTER
250
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,680
Sorry, I'm not going
to be able to do it.
251
00:13:42,200 --> 00:13:43,600
God.
252
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,080
"First, you need to have a bath,
253
00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:47,920
"which will soften
the skin of the scrotum."
254
00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:49,280
SHE LAUGHS
255
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,800
LAUGHTER
256
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:53,080
So sorry.
257
00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,400
LAUGHTER
258
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,480
You are so immature.
259
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,920
LAUGHTER
260
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,080
SHE LAUGHS
261
00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:17,080
Sorry.
262
00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:18,560
Where did that come from?
263
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:22,280
LAUGHTER
264
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,280
Here, let me do that.
265
00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:41,920
Bloody hell!
266
00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:46,720
Of course, Sally Bretton
isn't the only half-competent,
267
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,200
semi-literate chancer
I'm forced to work with.
268
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,120
Your name's not Sharon Stone.
269
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,920
Yeah, I know.
So why did you say it?
270
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,440
Cos I thought we were supposed
to be making mistakes.
271
00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,640
No, we're just introducing the real
mistakes you made during the show.
272
00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,280
Oh, right, well, that was a waste of
an hour, then, wasn't it? What was?
273
00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:11,400
Well, I made this prop mug, so when
you pick it up the handle comes off.
274
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,040
Look.
275
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,920
CUP SMASHES
276
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,920
Oh, it was that one.
277
00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:23,760
DIRECTOR: And action!
278
00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:27,280
KATY: Oh, is it for me?
Yes, please. Oh, sorry.
279
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,040
LAUGHTER
280
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:32,200
Told you it wasn't an act.
281
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,720
Oh, OK, sorry. Whose go is it?
It's me. "Whose go is it?"
282
00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:37,480
LAUGHTER
283
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:41,240
Don't worry, Sal - oh, I just
called you by your real name.
284
00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:43,760
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
285
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,040
Oh, get Bear Grylls.
286
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,320
No, they're definitely not allowed.
287
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:52,360
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
288
00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:59,440
THEY LAUGH
289
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:02,040
I hope you have more luck
than Ronnie Barker.
290
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,320
Was he one of the Krays?
291
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,280
Talking of...
292
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:13,880
THEY LAUGH
293
00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,080
Oh, is this about his ears again?
294
00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:18,200
You know he's sensitive.
295
00:16:18,200 --> 00:16:21,320
It's not like he keeps going on
about you and your big nose.
296
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,160
SHE SNIGGERS
297
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,560
Oh, is this about his ears again?
You know he's sensitive.
298
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:31,040
It's not like he keeps going on
about you and your big nose.
299
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,120
I haven't got a big nose.
All right.
300
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,880
Oh, is this about...
301
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:41,880
SHE LAUGHS
302
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,480
LAUGHTER
303
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,080
SHE LAUGHS
304
00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:47,080
Sorry.
305
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,600
She said,
306
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,680
"But your friend Lee,
I think he might be the one.
307
00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:53,480
"And if he isn't...
308
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,560
"And if he ever does anything
to hurt me,
309
00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:59,600
"I will make sure that
his life isn't worth..."
310
00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:01,160
SHE LAUGHS
311
00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:05,320
LAUGHTER
312
00:17:05,320 --> 00:17:08,680
Oh, no, the bird's back.
313
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,840
Well, let's hope it's not a stork.
314
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:16,120
Oh, I've got to get him away from
the menech - the "menechamism."
315
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:20,800
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
316
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,520
But she was just upset because
the dog hit one of the - no!
317
00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:26,320
LAUGHTER
318
00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:29,520
No, not that. Sorry. Not that.
319
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:32,200
Not what I said.
Not what she said.
320
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:35,040
Daisy, do you mind if I have
a little talk with Lucy?
321
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,360
No, that's fine.
322
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:44,680
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
323
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,440
Daisy, do you mind if I have
a little talk with Lucy?
324
00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:56,160
No, that's fine.
325
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:02,800
Alone.
326
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,880
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
327
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:10,600
APPLAUSE
328
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,840
OK...we'll give up, that'll do.
329
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,800
Daisy, do you mind if I have
a little talk with Lucy?
330
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,240
No, that's fine.
331
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,480
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
332
00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:26,080
Just keep going,
keep going, keep going.
333
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,640
LAUGHTER
334
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:36,280
You have to come up with
answers that no-one... Uh-oh.
335
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,960
LAUGHTER
336
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:39,680
My turn.
337
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,440
Over the years, lots of famous faces
have made guest appearances
338
00:18:42,440 --> 00:18:43,800
in Not Going Out.
339
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:48,360
Timothy West, Miranda Hart, and
Hugh Dennis to name...all of them.
340
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,040
Of course, even the best actors
in the world can make mistakes,
341
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,560
so you can just imagine what
this lot were capable of.
342
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:54,840
I didn't hire a cleaner.
343
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:57,960
No idea.
344
00:18:57,960 --> 00:18:59,920
LAUGHTER
345
00:18:59,920 --> 00:19:02,400
You really have got the most...
346
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,920
You really have got the most
middle class...
347
00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,120
You really have got massive ears.
348
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,320
Is it time for this?
349
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,520
LAUGHTER
350
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,960
Who needs a warm-up man
when we've got Tim's ears?
351
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,640
LAUGHTER
352
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,640
I know it says on that mat "Welcome"
but - what you laughing at?
353
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,160
LAUGHTER
354
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,720
They didn't have...
355
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:39,720
HE TALKS GIBBERISH
356
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:42,080
LAUGHTER
357
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,800
And the keys were on a overnight
mail plane - train - plane.
358
00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:57,200
LAUGHTER
359
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:59,880
It's OK, Lucy. He's right
to say these things.
360
00:19:59,880 --> 00:20:04,200
I've been a terrible dad.
Carry on.
361
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,480
I wish I could remember me lines.
362
00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,520
LAUGHTER
363
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,560
It's always at the start for me,
isn't it?
364
00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,440
Yeah, the middle and the end isn't
great either, to be honest.
365
00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:16,760
LAUGHTER
366
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:19,960
Get me Russ Abbot. Russ Abbot.
367
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:23,640
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
368
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:25,800
Right, well, this is easily fixed.
369
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,800
Give it here. Dad!
370
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,840
For goodness' sake, Timothy.
371
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,160
Hmm...
372
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:34,640
LAUGHTER
373
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,920
You knew? I thought only I knew.
374
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,400
You knew?
I know.
375
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,520
I know you knew?
376
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,960
You knew I knew.
No. No...
377
00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:52,320
Go easy, Lee, his mum just died.
378
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:55,680
She died in 19...
What was it?
379
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,560
LAUGHTER
380
00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:01,480
Look, Geoffrey, I know what
you think of me. But me...
381
00:21:01,480 --> 00:21:03,240
Look, Jul - Julie?
382
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,280
LAUGHTER
383
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,560
It is Julie, isn't it?
Yeah.
384
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:20,200
Look, J... oh, God.
385
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,160
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
386
00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,800
LEE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
387
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,760
Marrying her makes me want
to be a better person.
388
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:32,880
Do you know what time
the bus is coming, mate?
389
00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:34,600
LAUGHTER
390
00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,440
Hello. Anna was just saying how
lovely it was to get your...
391
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:40,240
No, I've cocked that up.
392
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,800
We've just asked each other
what scene this is
393
00:21:43,800 --> 00:21:45,520
and neither of us know.
394
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,320
After the first three words,
we could be going anywhere.
395
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,280
Let's see what happens. SLURRING:
But it's fine cos we're in a bar.
396
00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:53,520
LAUGHTER
397
00:21:53,520 --> 00:21:56,520
These are his bits and pieces.
398
00:21:56,520 --> 00:21:59,920
Blimey, we're going into -
no, we're not going in...
399
00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:03,640
Is he? The pram got jammed
in the doorway and it threw me.
400
00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:05,600
Oh, yeah, blame it on me.
401
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,960
I was worried about the safety
of the child. I say "child"...
402
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,840
Look at that horrible thing!
403
00:22:10,840 --> 00:22:12,640
LAUGHTER
404
00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:14,400
Look at that.
405
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,560
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
406
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,360
The things that go wrong on the show
407
00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,280
fall into lots of different
categories. There are missed cues...
408
00:22:27,280 --> 00:22:30,760
Technical mishaps... ..continuity
errors... Fluffed lines...
409
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,280
..and continuity errors.
410
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,360
..and some that fall into no category
at all. Take a look at these.
411
00:22:35,360 --> 00:22:36,960
Continuity errors.
412
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,120
Oh, BLEEP!
413
00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:48,040
Don't laugh. Do not laugh.
I can't get up.
414
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:54,600
LAUGHTER
415
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:56,240
..pick up from there, please.
416
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,360
There's no... I see it.
What?
417
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:07,040
WOMAN: ..your shirt?
Oh, sorry.
418
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,760
LAUGHTER
419
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,800
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
420
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,200
.."one thing we know is that
Geoffrey's not a thief."
421
00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:33,880
So you can start there
and you're moving round. OK.
422
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,520
Start there. Look,
we need to sort this out.
423
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,040
SHE LAUGHS
424
00:23:40,040 --> 00:23:43,280
Pick it up, please. Carry on. I'll
tell you when you get something wrong
425
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,840
and then it's you, Lee.
426
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,480
LAUGHTER
427
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,080
Ah, here he is.
428
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:00,720
LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
429
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,680
What statistics?
430
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:12,840
LAUGHTER
431
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:14,280
What are you doing?!
432
00:24:14,280 --> 00:24:17,080
I think you need a breath
of fresh air.
433
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,600
I don't need a...
The bloody brakes are on!
434
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,440
Get off.
435
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:24,600
Woman aren't as good at map reading.
436
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:27,680
What?
It's not sexist.
437
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,200
Sorry, can we turn
the indicator off?
438
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:36,160
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
439
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:38,840
The hazard.
Oh, it's me. Sorry.
440
00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,360
I turned the hazard lights on
with me knees, I'm sorry.
441
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:43,520
He kneed the hazards.
I panicked.
442
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,160
A woman attacked me from behind,
I hit hazard lights.
443
00:24:46,160 --> 00:24:48,720
And if you keep treating me
like the cuckold husband
444
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,360
while you flirt with other men,
I will keep turning up.
445
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:54,320
Fine, do you know what?
446
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:57,360
You win. I now declare
this marriage...
447
00:24:57,360 --> 00:24:59,200
Get the ring off.
448
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:03,840
Oh, God. I'm swelling. Can we get
an actress with less chubby fingers?
449
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:08,680
Oh, do you know what?
Fine. You win, then.
450
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,840
Oh! Hang on. Sorry.
451
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,240
Extra pastie at lunch.
452
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,880
We've changed the ring,
we're all right.
453
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:22,360
Luckily, somebody had a bulldog's
collar and we're going to try it.
454
00:25:22,360 --> 00:25:27,920
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
455
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,560
Well, that was pretty stupid
of me, wasn't it?
456
00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:34,800
Can't believe I was even having
a bath. It's not even my birthday.
457
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,800
See if you can work out
what was wrong with that.
458
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,040
LAUGHTER
459
00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,640
There's a camera there
on my face, love.
460
00:25:52,240 --> 00:25:56,280
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
461
00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,840
People ask me a lot of questions
about the show.
462
00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,720
Like, "Where do you get
your ideas from?"
463
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,600
"How long does it take
to write an episode?"
464
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,920
"Is it true Sally Bretton
is rented from a prop store
465
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,120
"and wheeled around on castors?"
WHISPERING: Yes.
466
00:26:12,120 --> 00:26:14,440
But the question I'm asked
most often is,
467
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:16,840
"Can you show a package of outtakes
where people swear?"
468
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:20,080
And the answer to that one is,
"BLEEP yeah."
469
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:22,840
I once... BLEEP!
470
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:24,760
LAUGHTER
471
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,600
"Pizza delivery boy"?
You've got to be joking.
472
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:31,360
Well, there is another option,
if you want. Involving sex.
473
00:26:31,360 --> 00:26:33,120
What?
474
00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:37,280
Take the pizza delivery job or
you can go and get BLEEP!
475
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,640
THEY LAUGH
476
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:42,440
It feels so wrong coming out
of her mouth, doesn't it?
477
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:45,240
Out of my mouth,
no-one bats an eyelid.
478
00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,840
I've got an alternate way
of doing this. Watch this.
479
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:49,440
BLEEP off.
480
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:51,200
LAUGHTER
481
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:53,920
APPLAUSE
482
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,720
Have you been wanking in the bath?
483
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:58,760
SUSTAINED LAUGHTER
484
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:13,240
No, there's nothing else as good
for ages. Toby should feel bad.
485
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:15,120
I'm glad we're in...
486
00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:17,440
Piddle, poo, fart, pants.
487
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,600
LAUGHTER
488
00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:22,520
What do you want?
I've got a favour to ask. Go on.
489
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:26,040
But you've got to promise not to
just say no straightaway. OK.
490
00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:34,840
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
491
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:43,120
LAUGHTER
492
00:27:43,120 --> 00:27:45,120
That was the Not Going Out
bloopers show -
493
00:27:45,120 --> 00:27:48,200
my chance to show you some of the
moments I'd rather you didn't see.
494
00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,880
Well, obviously that's not true
because you showed them.
495
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,720
coaxed down from the lighting rig
with a packet of Bourbons.
496
00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,640
Yeah, or the time you bought your
"girlfriend" in but she threatened
497
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:05,840
to go to the newspapers when you
ended paying her in loose change.
498
00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:08,880
Or the time that...
Can you go away?
499
00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:11,760
So, until next time.
I've got a good one this time.
500
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:14,640
The show is finished. But I spent
ages setting this one up.
501
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:17,520
I've loosened the bolts on that
spotlight to make it fall
502
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:20,240
on your head. It's a classic
blooper. They'll love it.
503
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:23,480
CRASHING AND SCREAMING
504
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:26,200
Sorry, Sal.
505
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:30,240
# We're not going out
506
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,960
# Not staying in
507
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,720
# Just hanging around
with my head in a spin
508
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,680
# But there is no need
to scream and shout
37969
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