Original subtitles

[crowd cheering]

[Phone buzzes]

Hello?

Ryan's Voice on Phone: Hey, buddy.

-What you up to?

Hey, are you sure you guys can't come out for Christmas?

-No, I don't think we can make the money work.

[Sighs]

What if we could swing it for you?

[Sighs]

-Can't ask you guys to do that.

Sandy already bought the tickets, Didn't she?

Yeah. You should check your email.

You know, I've been working on Lucas's dinosaur thing.

I don't know.

It's got me thinking about the year we met him.

I just want everybody around for Christmas this year.

-Yeah, [Chuckles] That was a fucking year.

[Smiles]

Hey, it was a good one for me.

-Yeah

Not so great for me.

-Everybody makes mistakes.

All right.

I'll talk to you later bro.

♫ You've been holding out for weeks ♫

♫ Don't you say something when

♫ it don't mean nothing don't you say.

♫ Don't you say something

♫ when it don't mean nothing don't you say...

♫ Breaking in the faces... Cut down to the bone.

♫ Can we leave it till the morning...

♫ I fall apart on own

♫ Faking all the braces...

♫ Cracking in the acetone

♫ Can we leave it till the morning...

♫ I fall apart on my own

♫ You know, I hate to see your heart break

♫ And you fraying at the seams

♫ Cuz you held it out for me.

♫ Cuz you held it out for me.

♫ Touch down like a hurricane,

♫ Throwing all your petty dreams.

♫ Cause you held it out for me.

♫ Why'd you held it out for me

♫ Don't you say something when it

♫ Don't mean nothing.

♫ Don't you say.

♫ Don't you say something

♫ when it don't meaning nothing don't you say...

♫ Breaking in the faces...

♫ Cut down to the bone.

♫ Can we leave it till the morning...

♫ I fall apart on my own

♫ Faking all the braces...

♫ Cracking the acetone

♫ Can we leave it till the morning...

♫ I fall apart on my own

♫ I fall apart on my own...

Go grab me a case of beer and some eggnog.

All right.

[Bell rings]

Well, hey there, beautiful.

Is your name, Jingle bell?

No.

No?

Because you look like you're ready to jingle all the way.

[Laughter]

Oh, really stud?

Oh, absolutely, babe.

Oh, sorry.

first day on those new legs hot shot.

Yeah, I, um...

I wasn't really paying attention.

It's Okay.

Trying to meet cute shit my girl,

Fucking loser?

Shutup,Ryan

Don't mind him.

He's an ass.

Yeah. Shut up, Ryan.

Shut up, Spencer

Guys, are we fucking doing this or what?

Let's go make that money

Make that money. You need way more than money.

That girl's out of your fucking league.

Wasn't that the pot calling the kettle black?

I could do better.

Oh but you love me.

Who's this kid?

I'm Lucas.

You don't have to raise your hand. It ain't school.

Right, umm...

I'm visiting my dad for Christmas.

I'm just spending the holidays with him.

This is Ryan, Josh, Spencer, and I'm Becca.

-That's no candy cane in my pocket

Ha hah

Pretty sure I saw an after school special

about people like him.

How many times have your dad seen

Chris Hansen?

My mom told me to give him a chance.

Good luck with that.

What are you doing now?

We're going to go caroling if you want to come later.

I love caroling.

I mean, me and my mom always go,

but...

It would be good to have at least

one to sell it.

Well, talk to your dad.

We'll be outside.

Let me be your stocking stuffer.

Oh...

Aren't you a cutie?

Is this your dad?

Lucky boy.

Yeah, that's me.

Lucky.

Dad, can I go hang out with those kids?

They're going caro...

They're not going caroling at all, I swear.

You know what?

Maybe you should stay out for a while.

We're going to celebrate Christmas a little bit

early.

You know, "Deck the halls", am I right?

I, I thought you said we weren't decorating this year.

Oh, honey.

You're not the brightest bulb on the

Christmas tree, are ya?

That guy's dad is a real weirdo.

I have a candy cane in my pants.

There's no way he'd get with that girl.

I can come.

My dad's going to go decorate the house

with that girl.

Wait, wait.

What did your dad actually say?

He said he was going to go deck the halls.

Yeah, you're not getting the context.

[Laughter]

Did you use me as your goddamn accessory again?

Relax mate.

[Inaudible chatter]

Come on, let's get a move on.

Shit.

We're having a moment.

Did he steal that candy bar?

Yep.

♫ Thumpity, thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump.

♫ Look at Frosty go.

♫ Thumpity, thump, thump, thumpity, thump, thump.

♫ Over the hills of snow.

[Clears throat]

Thank you for listening today, sir.

We're here collecting donations for orphans.

A lot of these children are sick

No hopes, No parents.

Bullshit!

Bullshit, get the hell out of here!

Bunch of rotten little beggars, get lost!

[Laughs]

Really? -Yeah.

I didn't even notice that you jumped over.

Yeah -It was a good, good jump.

That was a good leap, I saw that.

Thank you.

[Chatter]

Let's see what we got.

Break you off some.

Thank you.

Well, I got one more for you.

But I'm saving it up for headshots.

Going to be the next Corey Feldman.

All right, guys, I gotta get ready.

Later, Spence.

Later, Lucas.

Later, guys.

Bye.

[Laughter]

[Sighs]

Hey, Ryan, you coming?

This shit's heavy.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, it's just...

It's weird.

You say that every time you...

have to see her.

What the fuck did you just say, Spencer?

Let's go!

[Playful music]

Hey, fuckers!

Hi!

They're here!

-Welcome back.

Hey!

What did you bring me?

Hey, hey.

[Laughter]

What did you bring me, please?

Jesus, you little mooch.

This is a classic.

Uncle Spence.

The book uncle.

What?

Hey, hey.

Books are a smart gift.

Thank you, Uncle Spencer.

Oh...

Thank you so much!

You're welcome.

-Oh my God!

Hi.

-Hi,

How are you?

Good, how was the flight?

It was okay.

Thank you.

[Chatter]

You're welcome.

[Chatter]

You're the fucking worst.

I know.

Okay, what are we doing now?

What is this?

Oh!

How's it going?

Sandy, Hi, -Hi.

What is this?

Uhh...

It's good seeing you.

Well, hey, so good to see you guys.

Yeah, definitely.

And next time, less destructive toys.

Oh, come on.

It's going to just escalate.

I know.

So, uh, y'all want to go

grab a drink?

No, I'm exhausted.

You guys wore the kids out, so,

Sandy's probably going to wear me out.

[Smiles]

I'm game.

Stacy's with, uh, friends,

Oh.

Yeah.

Sweet.

All right.

Well, I'll see you guys later then.

You guys have fun.

Yeah.

Have fun, you two.

Always the same.

Hey.

Hey.

Is it that bad?

Yeah, she can't see her like that.

That's why we're here.

Thanks.

How'd you get this?

Don't worry about it.

Let's say I'll be the new Feldman

next year.

Thank you.

[Instrumental Music]

Well, you two got plans tonight.

You're going to have a fucking Christmas.

No, you guys have fun.

Lucas is helping with my One Tree Hill script.

That isn't weird at all now, is it?

Sandy sends her love, but she's not

feeling well today, so.

I got to work anyway, so see

you guys later.

Stacy, what do you think?

Want to go see a fight?

Of course.

Is that even a question?

I cannot believe Stacy's a senior this year.

I mean, that's nuts.

I know.

She's already got early acceptance.

I'm really proud of her.

I mean, you should be.

That's awesome.

So how are you?

Just working.

Bills to pay.

You know.

Umm,

Maybe I'll go back to school.

I don't know.

You should.

You're fucking brilliant.

Another one guys?

Yeah.

One more won't kill me.

Umm, then could we close the tab?

So, how's everything with you?

Can't complain.

I mean, I've got a few gigs

coming up I'm pretty excited about.

I'm sure it will be great.

No one is as dramatic as you are.

I know, right?

[Laughs]

No, I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

I got it.

Hey, saw you in that crime drama.

Really made the one line count.

I'm just a little worried.

There was more in there, but they

didn't get to put it in all

the way, I guess.

I don't know.

But, you know, I'm proud of it.

Do you have another card?

This one didn't work.

Oh.

No, yeah.

Of course.

Thanks, man.

Sorry.

You know, checking, savings, you know, that's

probably didn't transfer right.

I get it, man.

I have no money.

Sucks.

By the way, I'm sorry I didn't

make it to your mom's funeral.

We just couldn't make it work.

It's fine.

We hadn't seen her in a couple

years anyway.

Yeah.

Still sucks, though.

It always did.

I know, I just...

It didn't go through either, man.

Just try them all.

Just try them all.

Try them all.

I can get it.

No, no, no.

It's fine.

I got it.

I think I got it.

It's been really nice.

No, it has been.

And this is amazing to see you

again.

It's been really awesome to...

Sorry, It didn't work.

You're fucking killing me, man.

I'm so sorry. -I...

Got it.

I don't know what to do.

[Sighs]

Here you go.

Sorry.

We gotta get going anyway.

Alright.

[Instrumental Music]

So, what's up with you kind of

acting like an asshole lately?

I know.

Sorry, it's just...

Spencer's going to L.A.

For film school.

And I wanna go with him and act.

Becca, I love you.

I want you to come with us.

Ryan.

I can't do that even if I

wanted to.

I can't move across the country like

some starving artist.

You'll figure it out.

You don't owe your mom anything.

This isn't about her.

You know that.

This isn't fair to ask me.

Look.

I don't abandon people.

Hey, that isn't fair.

I asked you to come with me.

There's nothing for me here.

Oh, yeah.

Nothing here for you.

I guess we aren't enough for

the great Ryan.

That's not how I meant it, Becca!

Sorry.

This isn't how I thought things would go.

I know.

You didn't think.

But maybe we should take a

break while you figure out what

you want.

No.

Becca, come on.

Maybe loving each other isn't enough.

Becca, please.

Becca, I'll stay.

I'll stay.

It won't be your excuse, Ryan.

You figure out you.

Hey, roomie.

Can I...

Come on.

Give me a hug.

Shut up, Spencer!

Spencer.

You gotta read the room better.

It is colder than Jack Frost's

nutsack out here.

It is not that fucking cold.

It's cold.

You dramatic idiot.

Hey.

Hey.

Look.

I just want to say tonight...

Your laugh,

And your smile.

I just feel like I'm 16 again.

Ryan.

What?

We both know where this goes.

What if it didn't?

Christ.

Look.

Nothing's changed.

Okay?

I'm here.

You're there.

There's a lot of history between

those places.

I gotta go.

No.

You are the only person that's

ever made me feel like this.

Okay?

You two

Are cute.

Oh, Jesus!

H. Fuck!

Oh, go.

Go.

Oops.

My bad.

You know...

Maybe we should...

Find a way to organize...

All of whatever this is.

Maybe we can use, like...

A calendar or...

A spreadsheet or something.

I don't know.

I have the system.

How's that working for ya?

[Chuckles]

I gotta pick up more jobs.

You guys...

Are coming to my tryout tomorrow.

Right?

Of course, sweetie.

I, uh...

I think I have to work.

Oh.

That's...

Fine, I guess.

I'm sorry.

Oh, my God.

Why are you kicking me?

Oh, my God.

Your father is so dense.

And your mother is abusive.

[sarcastic sound]

Umm, Yes, sweetie.

We will both be there for

you tomorrow.

Okay?

You gotta remember what's important.

Okay?

I'm going to work on Lucas'

stupid-ass dinosaur.

-I'm getting you a planner.

Oh, my God.

I have a system.

[Sighs]

♫ Joy to the world.

[Air pump sound]

Are you singing a Christmas song,

Joshua?

No.

[Sound intensifies]

Clever girl.

I apologized.

You were right.

Oh, I know.

Hey, you're kind of hot when

you admit you're wrong.

In that case...

I am very...

Very,

Very...

Sorry.

You know...

I really like you.

But...

With all my shit...

Maybe this isn't a good idea.

I couldn't care less about that.

I think I love you.

Am I still weird?

Yeah.

But sweet.

[Upbeat music]

All right, Sandy, let's go.

Time to get up on the roof.

Mm-mm.

Get to work.

I like it better when you're on my crutch.

[Laughter]

Our little miracle.

Oh, hey, Darlene, can you be

careful with that?

Lucas, I got your Jesus.

Come on, Darlene.

No, wait.

Come on, Darlene.

I love our blasphemous little girl.

I do, too.

[Music fade away]

You okay, sweetie?

I don't know if I can

do this.

I'm the only girl.

And I'm so tired of all

this shit.

Darlene, listen to me.

There is nothing you can't do.

And don't let any of those

assholes tell you otherwise.

Now...

Go fuck him up.

[Applause]

Come on Darlene

What's some girl doing out there?

Eww,

That girl's going to kick his ass.

Okay, Shut the fuck up Andersen Cooper.

[Cheers]

-Crowd: Let's go.

Get up, get up

[Cheering]

Kill them.

I like her.

[Whistle]

[Applause]

[Laughter]

[Chatter]

[Honk]

Hey, get the hell out of the way.

Fuck you.

We were having a moment here.

What trash?

Hey, you sanctimonious bitch.

You apologize right now,

or I rip you out of this fucking car.

Sorry.

God.

Now fuck off.

Cheers to Darlene.

To Darlene, champion wrestler.

All right.

Okay, bone crusher.

Walk me through it, step by step.

If I want to crush someone's

bones, what am I doing?

You're hitting them really hard.

Sorry for blowing up in there.

Yeah, we kind of lost it.

That was really unlike me.

That was really unlike me.

You went crazy.

He pulled an illegal move on you.

It was so illegal.

Yeah, it was a little over

the top.

I've never seen you like that Lucas.

It was very appropriate.

Maybe, yeah, I'm not like that.

I've never seen you like that.

So who was that lady?

That lady was crazy.

The one we kept passing the flask to?

No, she was beautiful.

Well, she was beautiful.

[Laughter]

Where did she come from?

She's an angel, it's fine.

[Calm music]

Wait, what did the doctor say?

Months?

Weeks?

I don't know.

It's new for sure.

She's gonna be okay.

She always is.

No.

Not this time.

What are you gonna tell the girls?

I don't know.

Hey.

Mom's got a couple days left

to live.

Josh.

I don't know what to do.

It should be me.

Do you want me to stay

with the kids tonight?

Okay.

I don't wanna leave her alone.

I love you both.

And I got them.

Love you too.

I think you dropped these.

Thanks.

I'm sorry.

Really.

I'm sorry.

[Glass clattering]

Munchkin

Munchkin

Munchkin

Time out.

[Sighs]

Machete?

Fuckin' Ryan.

I swear I had it up

in my closet.

You know there is no height

that she can't reach, right?

Valid.

Hey, um,

On your way to work tomorrow.

Could you give me a ride?

Yeah, no problem.

Becca's coming over to hang out

with mom and that one over there.

Huh...

Cool.

Hey there.

Hey.

I, uh,

brought you something to eat.

I'm not hungry.

Don't give me that look.

Hey, hey, come.

Lie down.

You've been running around all day.

[Sighs]

[Whimpering]

It just wasn't enough time.

It's never gonna be enough time for us.

Do you, um,

do you ever regret it?

Of course not.

Umm,

We have much longer than we

thought we would.

It's going to be okay.

How about you try this out?

See if you like it.

Okay.

Oh, this shit's gross.

You don't like it?

No, it's gross.

Well, my dad said it makes

my mom bearable and if you

don't wanna drink it, I will.

No, no, no.

No, I'm cool.

I'll finish it.

That's what I thought.

Jeez, man.

How's Sandy?

She said she's doing better, but

I don't know if I believe her.

Man, I wish I could just

fix it.

It's fucked up.

Sorry, man.

I don't think there's anything you

could do to fix it.

I think you could help.

I love her, Ry.

And I don't know what I'm

gonna do without her.

I wanna do everything for her.

I wanna have a house.

I wanna have kids.

I wanna do all of it

for her.

Man, she doesn't deserve this.

So you're in love now like

the little bitch?

Like you don't love Becca?

Of course I do.

We both know for her, I'm

a big bitch.

Yeah.

I think it's always gonna be

like that.

Whatever happens,

we'll always be here for each other.

That's how it's always been.

Thanks, Ry.

I knew you couldn't handle it.

That shit's gross.

Just take it.

Watch how professional does it.

All right, go.

Yeah.

[Phone buzzes]

Hmm...

Josh.

Yeah.

I don't think I'm gonna make

it out this time.

My whole life, I knew that

it was coming.

But

I,

Josh.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

I'm scared.

[Sobbing]

We have to take

We have to take Darlene to work.

I need you to be there

for our girls.

[Music]

[Sighs]

It's not going to be long. Is it?

They said soon, but who knows?

Can we do anything?

Yeah, of course.

Take care of her, let her know that you love her.

Hey, Dad, actually, I called out of work.

Can you take me to my girlfriend Sarah's house?

Yeah, sure.

Girlfriend, huh?

You guys still call each other that?

No, Dad, of course not.

No one speaks like that.

I meant

Girlfriend.

Are we okay?

Well,

It's good and bad.

The good news is

I don't have to worry about you getting pregnant.

The bad news, I'm still surrounded by women.

What's she like?

She's sweet.

She's smart.

She has this thing she does when she smiles.

Yeah,

She's pretty great.

Sounds like she makes you happy.

That's all I care about.

Well, and if she's rich.

Well, her and her family do go on vacation and come back in tan.

Tropical vacation, people.

[Laughs]

Nice.

Come here.

I love you, kid.

[Honks]

Hey, fuck you, asshole!

I'm having a moment with my father!

[Movie playing in the TV]

[Laughs]

Becca,

are you getting my wife fucked up?

[Laughs]

Lucas took Munchkin to something, somewhere.

It's, uh, it's, it's medicinal.

Oh yeah, it's been medicinal since we were 16.

Oh, no, that's, that's, that's a difference.

Back then, we were bad.

Now, now, now we have a reason.

[Laughs]

I'm going to get a shower.

Oh,

Josh.

Yeah?

Can you get us pizza?

Yes, I will get you pizza.

[Coughs]

Are you ready yet?

Makeup takes a little longer nowadays, thank you very much.

Hey, what, what's going on?

What are you getting ready for?

Oh, we're going out.

We decided we would do that while you were sleeping,

you old man.

The doctor said.

I love you, but I'm not just going to lay down there and wait until I...

Hey, come on.

Dad, come on.

Okay, come on.

You need to let her enjoy something, okay?

She's been stuck in that room.

Okay.

All right, we'll go for a little bit.

I'm very happy you see it my way.

Has there ever been another way?

Oh, no.

No.

Also, she's coming.

Absolutely not.

[Upbeat music]

♪ The show's at eight, it's almost nine

♪ You text and say you won't make it this time

♪ Usually I'd say that's fine

♪ But it's been three weeks, I've only seen you twice

♪ Thought things were going great

♪ Until you disappeared without a trace

♪ Usually not one to chase

♪ But I like your vibe and I like your bass

♪ If you don't like me anymore

♪ I wish that you would say so

♪ It's getting paranormal

♪ This ghost situation

♪ And if you're moving on

♪ You're not doing me a favor

♪ By letting me be the last to know [Music ends]

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Sir, I'm so sorry.

I am so sorry.

[Laughs]

Can I get a Coke please?

Hey there, can I buy you a drink?

Thanks, but you're not my type.

Should we, uh, go over there and help her?

Nah, she's all right, she's got it.

Let's have a drink, come on.

Seriously, back off.

Don't be such a bitch.

[Thud]

Thanks for the drink.

Wow.

That was bold.

-Here you go, Darlene.

That was bold.

That's ah...

Oh, wow, you're being a cool dad for once.

You're allowing our daughter to take a shot.

What?

What?

What?

[Laughter]

[Upbeat music]

♪ I ...

♪ I ...

♪ Cut deep your coursing through

♪ I just want I just want you

♪ I ...

♪ I'm ...

all in I'm yours to lose

♪ I just want I just want you

♪ I ...

♪ I ...

♪ I'm cut deep your coursing through

I just want I just want you

[Music fade off]

[Footsteps]

[Sobbing]

I can't do this without you

They're coming to get you, Barbara.

Look, there's one right there.

Just stop it, okay?

Hey, you're gonna have to do all the talking

while here, all right?

I get really uncomfortable in situations like this.

I feel like all I'm gonna do is mention, like, Beetlejuice three times.

Don't do that.

I mean, you know, you're right.

I mean, Pet Sematary is a much better, you know, situation for this scenario.

Let's try something, okay?

Let's just, uh, let's be normal.

Can we do that?

Yeah.

For our friend?

Okay.

Great.

Sorry, we missed the funeral.

Our flight kept getting delayed.

It's fine.

Hey, man, you know how much we love Sandy.

Yeah, I know.

Do you want to ride back to the house?

I know people are...

Well they're arriving.

Yeah, yeah.

I should be there.

It's not the mood for all the...

She's in a better place.

Bullshit.

You know, at the end, she pretended to be real strong, but

she was so scared.

I couldn't do a fucking thing for her.

I miss her so fucking much.

Hey, we miss her too, okay?

We miss her too.

And believe it or not, you're gonna be fine.

I promise.

How?

I got two fucking kids at home that don't have a mom now.

Hey, hey.

One step at a time, okay?

We're gonna be okay.

All right?

It's a good thing we're back for a while.

You could use the help.

What do you mean?

Oh, oh, we're going full house on this, buddy.

All right?

I'm Jesse.

He's obviously Joey.

Sure.

What?

No one wants to be Joey.

Oh, that's such a Joey thing to say.

[Laughs]

I can't ask you guys to do that.

Well, Sandy said you'd say that, so you got us.

Sandy and her plans, huh?

I bet she thought this one was gonna be real funny.

Yeah, yes, she did.

She's just sad she won't see that dumb look on your face.

But seriously, we should probably get going.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

But before we go, I'm gonna pay my respects, okay?

Alright

I love you.

That means just me.

Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice -No.

Just, just go.

Beetlejuice.

Thanks for letting me crash.

Stacey's at her friend's house.

I just, I can't be there when they're like this.

Of course, whenever.

So tell me about this date.

It was that good.

It's weird, we've all been friends forever.

But like, with me and him, it's been different for a while now.

And it was like an actual date.

He even walked me to my door and we kissed.

We really kissed.

See, I told you.

Yeah, you did.

Several times.

Loudly.

But I just don't want him to have to deal with me being sick all the time.

He doesn't deserve that.

No, don't do that.

He's not a kid.

If you both like each other, he can make his own decision.

Do you like him?

I mean, yeah, I really do.

Okay, well then go for it.

But first, this shit is starting to burn, so like...

Hey.

Hey.

Wow.

Thank you.

I haven't seen you smoke a cigarette since your black hair emo days.

Yeah.

Hey, did you see the casserole in there?

It's huge.

You know, I could be eating for a month.

Yeah,

Good thing you brought a friend to help.

Tristan?

Trixie?

Tramp?

Am I getting close?

Yeah, I should have seen that one coming.

And it's umm, it's Tracy, and I'm sorry.

You don't owe me an explanation.

Yeah, I kind of do.

I should have told you.

But you didn't think.

No, I didn't.

Let's not...

It's not important.

Umm,

Friends?

Friends.

She's really gone, isn't she?

Yeah.

Yeah, she is, and it really fucking sucks, right?

Come here.

It's okay.

[Laughs]

I, uh, stole at the airport and kind of stuffed

it in Spencer's bag during a security check.

Nice.

Good, good, good.

[Laughs]

If you need anything at all, I'm here, okay?

Thank you.

[Laughs]

What the fuck?

Is this the essay due Friday?

What's another word for, like...

Daddy!

Oh, it's Uncle Ryan.

You both look like you got impressively positive STD results.

Is that positive as in good, or positive as in...

Don't worry.

I got something that'll cheer everybody up.

How's the apartment?

When is Daddy waking you up?

Soon.

He's just tired.

Aaw, aaw!

Wait five minutes!

Oh, it burns like I had my ex-girlfriend

after a night in Bangkok, you piece of shit!

Self-control!

Aaw!

It's in my eye.

Hey, buddy.

Dinner's ready.

I'm good.

Jesus.

Come on, man.

Yo, it's been two weeks.

You haven't even left this room besides going to work.

It's too much.

I feel like I can't even fucking breathe anymore.

I feel like everything that was good in my life is gone.

Hey, hey, listen.

There's good stuff down there right now that are relying on you,

all right?

For what it's worth, man, all you gotta do is just show up.

You're right.

I know I'm right.

Come on.

All right, go ahead.

Dad?

Hey, baby.

[Exhale deeply]

Fucking Ryan.

Uh...

Honey, I'm home.

You know, I think the audition went really good.

You know, I really think I have a shot to be on this C-

W?

Babe?

[Moaning]

[Moaning]

Oh, bitch got a scented candles.

I'm taking my hoodie back.

All right, smile in three, two, one.

One more time.

Three, two, one.

What are these photos for again?

Business photos for normal work things.

Got it.

General and specific.

Cool.

Have you noticed anything weird lately?

Lady, you don't know the half of it.

Now, let's smile for this one, okay?

Three, two, one.

[Suspenseful music]

One more goddamn holdout.

Dad?

Sarah texted asking if we can go out tonight.

Uh, no, I have, uh, I have overtime.

Dad, that's like the third double this week.

You're gonna give yourself a freaking heart attack.

Don't forget to take your meds.

Take your meds.

Hey, Munchkin.

Hey, Josh.

Hey.

Dad?

Dad?

Yeah, hey, what's up?

Why don't crabs have eyebrows?

I have no idea.

I'll talk to you in a minute.

[Calm music]

Hey, Spencer.

It alright if I stay with you for a while.

Mmm Hmm

Tramp called

I'm sorry.

Yes, you can stay.

Long day.

Please cry quietly.

I will.

[Air leaking]

Mom, it's decorating day.

Let's go.

I have the last box of decorations.

Yeah you have fun with that.

Are you okay?

Yes, mother.

I'm okay.

It's decorating day.

Let's go.

Hang on, I'm coming.

Yeah?

Gerald Sinclair, CEO of Sinclair Properties.

I thought I should stop by to make a personal appeal,

as it appears you've rebuffed several of my agents.

We're working to beautify this neighborhood.

It's running down.

For months, we've been working with the current residents

to help them move forward.

Well, since you put it that way, what's the offer?

We're offering 20% of over the fair market...

Girls, what do you think?

Fuck you.

Yeah, fuck you.

There are the bosses.

Fuck you.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

That word's just for assholes.

Assholes.

All right, let's go.

We gotta go to Lucas's.

Look, I know it's been a shitty day,

but we can't disappoint Captain Christmas.

I got that Santa thing tonight.

It's open bar.

You guys can come.

I should have led with the free booze.

We need more lights.

We need more lights.

Hi.

Sorry I'm late.

The joys of Christmas retail.

Okay.

How are we doing?

Fine.

Just fine.

Waiting for the sweet release of death.

I want my house to be

seen from space.

That's fair.

Who did this?

Lucas is like a five-year-old.

[Grunting] It's not that bad.

Pretty bad.

So, uh, sound like a rough day?

You know, it is what it is.

So, uh, how's Stacey's new place?

It's really nice, actually.

New job's going well.

Very proud of her.

Well, you should be.

You raised the hell out of her.

Thanks.

Um, I was sorry to hear about Tramp?

Tracy.

Looks like a depraved sewing machine.

How did you hear about that anyway?

Spencer's a gossipy bitch.

She's right.

Dude, seriously?

How did you get this in here?

I don't know.

You are the biggest freakin'..

I just threw it on top of the roof.

Jackass.

Ahhh!

Ryan!

Ryan!

You all right?

Is he okay?

Fuck, No.

Hey,

Idiots!

You okay?

Why the fuck would you fall off the...?

Guys, I got.. Ow...!

Whoa!

Check it out, check it out!

I found Spencer's old Tree Hill script thing.

One tree-hill?

Whatever.

Don't you fucking dare!

[Screaming]

Sunset has splashed across the court as Nathan walks up to Skills.

No, no, wait.

That's private!

That's private!

Get him, Get him

Get him!

Ryan, get him!

Hey, Skills!

What are you doing alone out here?

Come on, Josh!

Yo, Nathan!

Just getting my shots in.

How about you?

I've been thinking a lot about it.

I want to learn all about those skills,

and then you can teach me how to, you know, bounce them balls.

[Laughs]

He was so into it.

Josh come on

Guys, this isn't funny anymore!

[Inaudible]

Hey.

-Hey,

So tonight's date night, Sarah.

No, you can't.

You have to watch your sister.

I put it on the thing like two—

No, no, no.

That is not a system.

Mom would use something called a fucking calendar.

That is bullshit.

I have to, okay?

I said I would.

I have to.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, no, I get it.

It's the same shit every weekend.

I have bills to pay.

I have to.

I have to get presents.

It's getting old, Dad!

We are here, okay?

She isn't.

We don't need this house!

It's all I got!

This is all I have.

So you're saying that this house is the one thing keeping you alive right now?

No.

Okay, what about me, huh?

What about your daughters?

God, it's like you don't even care anymore.

Because if it were you and she were here,

then she would actually fucking be here!

Where are you, Dad?

I'm here.

You know, I wish it was me.

I wish it every fucking day.

I gotta go.

Dad.

Dad, come on.

[Footsteps]

Come on, Josh.

Santa can't be late to the Christmas party.

Yeah, come on, buddy.

Your dignity can't save itself.

Get in there, champ.

Ho, ho, ho!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Josh, don't freak out, but I found out that there's another Santa up here.

That is tequila.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to the bar.

Yeah, fix your belt.

Be more professional.

Yeah, have fun.

I'm going to the bathroom.

Can you not, do...

No, I swear.

[Footsteps]

Hi, do you know where the bathroom is?

Yeah, it's down the hall and to the left.

But before you go, would you consider donating to the

Disabled Children's Fund?

No, I'm good.

For only $25 a month, you could help a child walk or see again.

Yeah, yeah, I'll pass.

Sir, think of the children.

Everything okay, Jen?

Yeah, I'm just trying to convince this man that we should care

about kids with disabilities.

Jeez, mister, you don't like kids?

I mean, no, I don't hate kids.

Oh, is it because they're disabled?

Wait, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.

Fuck.

Well, if that's the case, then for a small donation.

Sure.

God damn.

No, these are mine.

Well, Merry Christmas to you.

So, uh, how do I get you under my Christmas tree?

Got a boyfriend.

I'm Ryan.

You're on TV.

You're that guy covered in rat bites on Law & Order.

Yeah, that's me.

You know, they actually use real rats for that scene.

[Chuckles]

Fuck it.

D-List are still counts as a celebrity on my fuck card.

Well, you should see the new short film

coming out that I just did.

It has Dustin Diamond in it.

Screech!

Same guy.

So, uh, can I maybe buy you a drink?

They're free.

Wonderful.

That really helps me out with my banking issues.

Meet me behind the curtain.

Did you pick up another hooker?

I don't know.

I can't believe you took off your costume.

What do you want me to do?

Sit around all night waiting to be backup Santa Claus?

No, but have a good time.

Try having fun.

[Sighs]

Happy?

Yeah, I'm elated, Josh.

Um, excuse me.

Can I get two lagers, please?

No problem.

So, what happened to the Santa

outfit you were wearing?

Apparently, somebody double-booked.

Ah, that's too bad.

Yeah.

Cheers.

How many more of these until

I can convince you to put

it back on?

[Coughs]

I'm Jill.

Josh.

It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

So, do you dress up for

every holiday, or...? No, just the

important ones.

Christmas, Easter.

You should see me as Cupid.

I think I'd like that with

those legs.

Huh...

I have to get back to

my friends, but maybe we should

get a drink sometime?

Yeah, I'd like that.

Okay.

She seems nice.

Maybe you should ask her out

sometime.

I'm still married.

Josh,

I don't think that's legally

binding.

What do you mean?

Just pretend like she never existed?

No, of course not.

You know, Josh, you can still

have something.

Wait, no.

I paid for these.

And mints aren't for cowards.

Because you're a coward.

[Moans]

Hey, Ryan, where you at?

Ryan, they just brought out some

more Christmas cookies.

Ryan?

[Screams]

Oh, my God!

Not again!

Oh, my dingle!

Oh, oh, oh...

Shit.

Hey, I'm sorry I ruined

your Christmas party.

Huh, huh, huh...

Why'd you ruin Santa's presents?

It's alright, little one.

Santa's not real anyway.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Oh!

Mommy,

Why did the naked man ruin Christmas

Nothing to see here.

What's going on?

Some pale, naked dude.

Like a weird, naked molerat.

Let's go find that other Santa

Claus jerk-off.

Oh, my God.

Oh, Jesus.

That girl hit harder than Mike

Tyson.

What were you thinking?

What was I thinking?

Did you see those things?

Come on, dude.

No, I saw Becca.

Fuck.

I had this job locked down

for two weeks.

Yeah, why don't you go back

to the mall where you belong?

Oh, fuck.

Lovely to see you again.

After our interaction the other day,

I thought you were not quite

the right fit for our event.

Is all this really necessary?

It is a shame.

You do remind me of Santa.

Old, out of shape.

Nobody believes in you anymore.

You should have taken my offer.

That's the house that me and

my wife raised our kids in.

I don't want to see it

torn down.

A little birdie has told me

that you're about to be foreclosed on.

Dude, who the fuck do you

think you are?

You are a vulgar and crass

little man.

What was that clever phrase you

and your children used the other day?

Fuck you.

There's somebody behind me, isn't there?

Uh-huh.

Big, too, right?

Uh-huh.

And hairy.

Awesome.

Sorry, little man.

Not the face!

Come to the party.

Have a few laughs

Drink some free booze.

Shut up.

You!

You fucking conned me!

Fuck it, Aww!

Oh!

My mints!

[Sobbing]

You're so strong!

It would be best if you

kept this to yourself.

You know what happens to snitches.

They get their fucking fingernails ripped off.

Oh...

So don't be a bitch.

Run along.

Fucking disabled kids.

Yeah, he hit you hard.

I slipped on the water, but,

you know...

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Not you, motherfucker.

What the fuck?

What am I gonna do now?

I'm sorry.

I know you really needed that money.

One of the last things I

promised her was that I'd be

able to take care of the

kids and the house and everything.

Those girls are psychopaths!

Spencer, shut the fuck up.

I almost just got murdered, man.

All right, Spence.

Time and place.

This is not it.

Hey, if I had a dollar

for every single time one of

my exes tried to kill me,

I could buy your house back.

Yeah, and I'd have $20.

Fuck, did you get a ticket?

Seriously, I'm sorry.

What did I do?

Hey, guys.

Oh, my God.

That was a great party.

Thanks for inviting me, Josh.

Happy to, buddy.

Y'all

Y'all gonna have a great

time tonight?

It was a great night, Lucas.

Ten out of ten.

Yeah, fucking fantastic, Lucas.

Okay, well, yeah.

Not exactly my idea of a

great idea, but...

I can't even get the girls

Christmas presents this year.

Josh, how bad do you want

to get them gifts?

Take a look at this shit.

Oh, shit.

Three Legacy Wrestling presents No

Holds Barred Santa Massacre.

$1,000 cash prize.

Winner takes all.

Dude, we can fucking do this.

Come on, man.

I'll be Mickey.

You'll be Apollo.

And we can fuck some shit

up like Animal and Hawk.

Remember that shit?

Have you seen Rocky ever?

No.

Shut the fuck up.

Whatever.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Fuck yeah, we got it.

We're gonna do it.

It's a Christmas miracle.

I'm coming.

Let's get the Christmas miracles in the car.

Shotgun.

Woo!

[Applause]

You suck Roy!

Yeah!

Yeah!

[Cheering]

Sorry.

Ryan has the bladder of a

toddler.

You know, maybe he won't take

as long this time, but knowing

him, it probably won't be.

[Sighs]

Thanks for taking out the trash.

Those things will kill you.

I mean, everything's killing me, and

that's kind of rich coming from

the guy who just took a

chair to the face.

So, why wrestling?

Steal chairs at face to help

you put things in perspective.

Just wakes you up.

You're pretty fucked up.

I can't believe he did this again.

It's past midnight.

I mean, what if I wasn't

here to watch her? Fuck,

I won't be soon.

Stop it.

I mean it.

Being angry isn't gonna make him

realize anything.

Yeah, but it pisses me off.

My mom, she always, she...

She always made everything work, you know?

Let's get you guys inside and

get some ice on, all right?

You guys go ahead.

I need a minute.

Okay.

I'm gonna go in the back.

Good night.

Night.

All right, Ryan.

I can't be that for him.

You're not supposed to be.

And maybe us living on campus

will help him get his shit

together.

Maybe.

I've seen the way he looks at you.

The way he talks about you.

He's proud of you.

Yeah, you're right about all of this, but...

Do you have to be such

a bitch about it?

It's not really my style.

I know.

[Laughs]

And I find a way to

love you anyways.

I love you too.

[Screams] -Jesus!

So what kind of party beats up Santa?

Tough kids tonight?

Look, I'm sorry you had to

watch the kid tonight.

It is what it is.

And besides, I made the best

of it.

I'm leaving soon.

Yeah.

I know.

Listen, it's been a rough night.

[Clears throat]

Can we just talk about this

tomorrow, please?

[Yelp]

I could have done it without that.

Are you okay, Josh?

[Laughter]

Gold!

Thank you, Sarah.

Hey,

You're a little delinquent.

So what are you doing out here?

Ah, couldn't sleep.

You?

It was been a long weak.

Yeah, that's an understatement.

I don't know how to fix

this.

You're being a little fucking dramatic,

aren't ya?

You're so annoying.

Come on, you don't have to

fix it.

I think we're...

We're all just a bit broken

right now.

But we're gonna be okay.

You're gonna be okay.

We got this.

[Laughter]

What?

Just your face.

[Laughter]

What?

You're just like a giant Yoda.

We, got this, we do!

You suck...

Come here.

Thank you.

[Upbeat music]

All right, Rocky, let's go.

Come on.

You're doing great.

Come here.

Just dodge!

Hey wanna spar?

-Huh?

-That's a poor idea.

Come on.

What, are you afraid I'm gonna

be a little too quick for you?

Come on, you asked for this.

All right, you ready?

Let's go.

[Yelps]

Wasn't even that hard.

Here ya go?

Sure.

Woah...

You look like shit.

Well, I mean, I sleep on

a deflated air mattress, and my

ex-girlfriend punched me in the

face, so, you know, I just

never felt better.

I feel terrible about one of

those things.

Well, at least I'm not concussed.

[Chuckles]

Hey, um, are you still mad at me?

Of course.

But you look like such a

sad little shit out here,

I figured I should come check on you.

It's been a rough few weeks.

It's been a rough five years.

-No,

Shit, ten.

I just really thought I'd be

doing something different with my life,

you know?

Life's a bitch like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, and I also just wish

I was doing something I loved,

you know?

Maybe try something different?

Maybe.

What do you wake up in

the morning and absolutely fucking love?

You know, I, uh, I love

performing.

I love those guys, you know?

[Glass shattering]

And you.

Don't, don't do that.

You showed me pretty damn clearly.

Look,

Life went the way it went.

But doing the same thing over

and over again, expecting a different

result, is pointless.

Stop with the bullshit expectations.

There are so many weird and

wonderful ways to live.

Dreams can change.

-Can they?

Yeah,

Get some fucking sleep.

You look terrible.

And that mattress isn't going to

deflate itself.

[Laughter]

She's right.

[Instrumental guitar music]

[Sighs]

[Screams]

You good, Ry?

Love you - Love you too

Spencer,

Stand up for yourself and this family.

You deserve it.

Love always, Sandy.

Yes, take off the tree hill jersey

every once in a while, you

stink babe.

Okay, just get closer together and

smile for me, alright?

Whoa, what's this?

That's a light.

Who made it?

I don't know.

Where'd you get it?

The company bought it.

Ew, why'd you choose this one?

Why'd you choose this background?

Why couldn't you choose one with

Santa?

Because that was the one we chose.

It doesn't look very good.

Cool, I see the family.

Yep, there they are.

Where am I?

Well, you're standing behind the

camera, so...

Hi!

Josie, come back here, please.

So, uh, you ever do, uh,

private sessions?

For photos.

Like, uh, something more intimate, you

know?

Yeah, that's gonna be a hard

pass, buddy.

You're missing out.

Clearly.

Got him,

Can you regret a whole life?

Every day.

Can we take the picture?

Please!

Waiting on you.

Okay!

Sorry, everyone, that's the front door.

I gotta go get that.

Um, how about you think about

making better decisions?

Are you okay?

What can I do for you

on this wonderful day?

I saw you guys do framing,

and my sister's birthday is next.

Jake!

Spencer, wow!

How are you?

It's been years.

How you been?

I've just been living the dream.

How are you?

How's life?

Good, good.

I just moved back to town.

I wanted to be closer to

my sister.

Oh, you're so cool.

I mean, that's so cool.

You wanna get coffee?

We could catch up?

Yeah, that'd be great.

What the fuck are you doing?

That family is waiting on you.

Get your Frankenstein looking ass back

there and get to work!

Okay, sorry.

Sorry, um...

Yeah, it's just, you said you'd

get that 50 bucks back to

me.

Well, I don't have it.

I won't have it until I

get it from my bookie.

Okay, but you said you'd do

it today.

Well, I don't.

So get back to work.

You know what?

Fuck this, I quit.

Okay?

Do you wanna grab coffee?

Right now?

Great!

Bye!

That was kinda hot.

I know.

What the hell?

Sorry!

Assaulting the neighbors?

Just the ones I don't like.

Good.

Where did you get this thing?

Spencer found it on Marketplace.

Munchkin wants to start playing baseball now.

And this was the day to

fix it?

Well, I'll probably be in the

ICU tomorrow, so...

Yeah.

About that, I, um...

I'm gonna watch on TV with Stacey.

Everything with Ryan, I just...

I can't.

I get it.

He's a moron, but, uh...

You know he cares about you,

right?

Yeah.

Feelings aren't enough, though.

He's supposed to be a grown

-ass man.

Supposed to be.

Alright, how's this thing supposed to work?

Well,

Well...

Supposed to.

You drop it in here, it

shoots out.

But...

You know how this online shit

is.

Hi!

Hi.

Guys...

Today is awesome.

No.

Jeez!

What the hell, Becca?

It's not funny!

You could've hit me!

Josh, Josh, Josh!

Darlene get back?

I don't know what he's gonna

do!

I!

Am!

Death

Ah!

Dad!

Dad!

Mind if I have a hit?

What do you mean, a hit?

Dad, who do you think I

steal all my weed from?

I thought that was Spencer.

Take a seat.

So what are you actually doing

tonight that's got you so amped up?

I'm, uh...

I'm gonna go get beat up

for money.

That sounds like a terrible idea.

And I doubt it pays enough

money to save the house.

What do you know about that?

Dad, you work two or three

jobs sometimes.

It takes forever for you to

check the mail.

Do you think it just Bibbidi-

-Bobbidi-Booed itself onto the counter?

Again, I thought that was Spencer.

You know, I, uh...

I tried.

I really tried.

Things were so much easier when

Mom was here.

Look, I'm...

I'm really sorry about last night.

You know I love you, right?

Dad,

You've been keeping this place together

for two years.

You kill yourself for us, I

get that.

But you're a good dad.

And Mom would be proud of

what you've done.

Okay?

We don't need this house.

We don't need presents.

We just need you.

You needed me and I wasn't

here.

Mom died.

And I couldn't even be here

for you guys.

Oh, Dad, Mom.

You were grieving too.

And besides, you did the best

that you could.

And then Spencer moved in from

California and our socks were never

soft.

He's a big fan of that

fabric softener shit.

Becca helped with homework and cooked

us dinner.

And then Lucas and his mom

take us out shopping to

that trampoline park.

Although, to be honest, none of

us could ever have as much

fun as Lucas did.

Yeah, he's, uh...

He likes to jump.

Ryan would grab us and we'd

shoot fireworks at passing trains.

Or he would take us to

the store and put things in

our bag when he thought that

we weren't looking.

Not the best influence, but he

was here.

The point is...

that we turned out alright.

People loved us.

And, yeah, we miss Mom.

But they each filled that void

piece by piece.

And you worked hard for us

and you loved us.

And you still showed when I

know you wanted so badly to quit.

Every match, you were all there

and you were by far the

loudest out of anybody in that gym.

You're frankly embarrassing.

Dad,

You made sure that we had

a family that loved us.

Okay?

You loved us.

Okay, big loser.

Come here.

Oh, I love you, kid.

I love you, dad.

Girls!

You don't have to do this.

But if you are going to

be an idiot, please be a

careful one.

I kinda think I do.

Hey.

I took a couple days off

next week.

We can go to college

stuff.

Have fun being Santa.

I will.

Be good, okay?

Love you, kiddo.

All right, guys.

Let's go.

♫ It's the final showdown.

♫ [trumpet noises] ♫

You were always my favorite.

I will shove fireworks up your

ass.

So mean.

Look, I'm going to do my

best to corral them both, but

I can't make any promises.

All right?

Okay.

Have fun.

I'm going to try.

Bye.

Bye

Hey, where's Becca?

Why isn't she here?

She said she couldn't come.

Well, that sucks.

Wish she could have.

Maybe if you didn't fuck some

random elf at the Christmas party,

she would have.

Well, first off, fuck you.

And second off, it was a

Santa's helper.

It's like a tier up, dude.

What the hell does that have

to do with anything?

You're a fucking moron, you know

that?

That girl's been in love with

you since we were kids, and

all you ever do is fuck

it up.

What the fuck is wrong with

you?

She left fucking me!

You left her!

What, was she supposed to sit

around and wait for you?

Well, you know what?

We all can't just freaking settle,

dude.

Yeah, I settled for something great.

You settled for a fucking trip

to L.A. with him to

try to be some actor in

his little student film.

Thanks, asshole.

Oh, wait, wait, wait.

Let me get your Oscar for

you there, Mr. Damon. Boop!

All right, fuck you, dude.

Mr. Moopin' around the last two

years.

Terrified to make any type of

leap in life while we sit

here and help you all the

time.

And now there's some nice girl

out there who, God forbid, actually

likes you for some weird reason.

And all you do is just

sit there and whine about everything.

And you know what?

You're just acting like a little

bitch all the time.

Hey!

Hey!

What is wrong with both of

you?

You know, aside from my mom,

you guys are supposed to be

the closest thing that I have

to family.

And you guys are tearing it

apart.

You guys are going in here,

and I believe that you guys

can win.

You're never going to win if

you guys are stuck here fighting

with each other.

You're supposed to be friends.

Man, it's been such a fucking

pleasure.

Yeah.

Christmas lights are kind of pretty.

Shut the fuck up!

Listen here, you monkeys.

Don't you dare call me a

monkey.

If you want to get paid,

shut up.

Be the fucking professionals I hired.

We'll make it quick, boss.

Yeah, real quick.

No, no, no, draw it out.

Make them suffer.

I like that plan better.

Hey.

Those guys, my friends, they're good people.

Why would you want to hurt them?

That's so adorable.

Scurry along.

I believe in them.

I'd bet anything on it.

How much?

What?

How much is everything?

I'll take all from you lowly misfits.

I've got about 5,000 in

my account right now.

Great.

If those losers manage to win

this, I'll give you 10.

Deal.

They're gonna win.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

Shut the fuck up!

Mom's spaghetti.

Knee's weak.

Mom's spaghetti.

I'm the program director, and we

will be broadcasting this live.

You're much smaller and out of

shape than I expected.

Not sure why he insisted on you two.

Who?

That's not important.

So, it's a two-on-two

match.

No holds barred.

Standard one-two-three.

Ref ain't gonna call it unless

you're going to die.

That's the deal.

What?

Now give me a good show.

Wait a minute.

We're fighting him?

Yeah, yeah.

This isn't good.

Revenge.

No, revenge?

Dude, he already kicked the shit out of us.

Oh, Christ, today's too much!

Get your shit together, alright?

Alright?

This isn't for you.

This is for those fucking girls at home!

Okay?

This is for them!

This is for us!

Okay?

Okay.

You're gonna get out there,

and you're gonna get your asses handed to you,

but you're gonna find a way to fucking win, alright?

Okay.

Okay?

Yeah.

Alright!

Aaw!

Hell, yeah.

I think I'm at full chub right now.

Me too.

Get me ice.

Shit!

Out of my way, peasant.

[Suspenseful music]

Fuck,

Stuck. Help!

It's stuck!

[Knocking the door]

[Chatter]

Where's Lucas?

I don't know.

He's probably getting into his, uh...

Hey, that's the fucking guy.

That's not a guy.

Who is that?

Either of you seen the program director?

Oh, Confidence Killer?

Yeah, she just left.

We're about to go live.

We need a program director.

My god!

Spencer here is a great film director.

I'm sure he can help you.

Oh, is Dollar Store Christmas Stripper correct?

You know, I am offended by that,

but also flattered.

Um, yeah, yeah.

Well, problem solved.

The overgrown hipster is directing.

I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it.

I'll do it, yeah.

I don't know what he's wearing.

Unless your entrance music is a Steely Dan cover band,

find something a little less sad dad

and a little more competent wrestler.

Let's go, Mumford & Sons.

Mumford & S...

Good luck.

Good luck, okay?

All right.

You kill it.

Hey, they're a good band.

Come back here.

At least you got a current band reference.

Hey, um, I'm gonna go take a piss

and I'll meet you out there, all right?

All right.

Hey, send pics.

Son of a...

[Smiles]

Hey, man.

You sure you wanna do this?

I have to.

I can get that.

You might as well look the part.

Cool.

Thanks, man.

You look familiar.

I've been around a while.

Just be careful.

This whole thing seems real shady.

Something's going on.

Just leave it in here when you're done.

He's down for the count.

Hey, get your own.

So, what do you think their chances are?

Snowball's chance in hell.

Nice necklace.

You feeling nostalgic?

Fuck off, Stacey.

[Deeply exhales]

Good evening.

It's a lovely night, isn't it?

Oh, piss off, old man Potter.

One moment.

I have a proposition for you.

One that will help everyone in this sad situation.

I don't want shit from you.

Well, you do.

You just don't know it yet.

What the hell was that?

We've had pre-production footage running all day.

We've got hidden cameras everywhere backstage.

Fuck, Ryan.

You wanted to be the center of attention, so let's do that.

Do you know the show All My Hospitals?

The multi-Emmy award-winning daytime soap opera?

There's a new character joining, Alfonso.

After your fiery exit the other night,

I think you fit the role perfectly.

I have a friend in the casting department.

People like you don't do shit for free.

It's barely an inconvenience.

You want to help your friend move on.

And I want that house.

No, I can't do it.

I can't do that to him.

No, you want to help your friend move on.

Do you understand the doors this opportunity will open for you?

I can see a Daytime Emmy in your future, buddy.

And now, a message from our sponsors.

Would Ryan really fuck over Josh like that?

I don't know.

I hope not.

Come on, Ryan, let me believe in you again.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time

for your Three Legacies Wrestling Holiday Match.

And through the curtain, you see

our heavyweight champion, Crusher, tonight.

Known as the Santa Crusher, along with the lovely Zoey.

And Zoey doesn't look too thrilled to be here right now.

Santa Crusher's kind of pushing her along.

Santa Crusher not showing that holiday spirit.

[Upbeat music]

Here come the challengers,

Although they look a little bit more challenged.

[Indistinct chatter]

What is the big guy wearing?

The jacket looks awfully familiar.

Is that one of Misfit's old jackets

Are you kidding?

That is very interesting.

[Bell rings]

And there's the bell.

Oh!

I'm wearing a cup you moron!

Oh...

Drop kick by Zoe,

Oh man what a start...

These guys are serious.

This might end before it even started.

Yeah, we'd be lucky to get to the end of this r-

Oh, Zoe goes down hard by the big guy.

He's gonna punch her.

Looks like he tripped up.

Oh, the elf goes flying

Kick by the Santa Crusher.

Kick to the face.

The elf comes down hard on Santa Crusher.

Oh, Zoey with the shoulder tackle.

Santa Crusher barking orders to

Zoey, man...

Another drop kick by Zoey

Again Santa Crusher tells Zoey what to do

Making a wish,

Oh, lands on his feet.

With the nut shot!

I got paid 3 grand to be the shit out of you

But I would have done it for free.

Zoey taking care of the elf.

There's the end of round number one.

This has been a street fight so far.

Yeah, definitely more of a street fight than a wrestling match.

What the fuck?

What the hell?

Maybe they'll get tired of all the punching.

And again, Santa Crusher jaw jacking with Zoey.

Zoey just listening to what he has to say.

No!

That's a really deep cut.

Can you go get the medical bag?

I believe you guys can do this.

Shut up, Lucas!

We have to.

We have to.

No, we can't do this, dude.

We've got to quit.

Are you sure?

[Bell rings]

Oh!

Yeah!

Ohhh!

Boo...

♪ "March of the Toy Soliders" ♪

Going to the grave

[Crowd cheers]

Broke that little guy in two, Just like a candy cane.

He's down

He's not doing well.

Santa Crusher is not feeling a thing.

And Crusher just tossing the big guy.

Oh, did you hear that?

Was that his head?

Oh!

Oh!

Boo...

Are you good?

[Laughs]

[Screams]

[Applause]

Is he allowed to tap?

Clothes line by Santa Crusher

The beginning, the end Taking their clothes off

Hey, Joe, what's up

Take them out,

Oh, what happened,

Something got in the eyes of Zoey.

Well, out goes Zoey hard to the floor.

[Applause]

What are these two Bozos doing in there?

Dude, let's just fucking quit, all right?

Let's just go home.

My kids are gonna have a fucking Christmas.

[Crowd cheering]

Announcer: What's Zoey doing?

That's funny,

Got those two guys down,

-Let's fucking go.

Oh, hey!

Announcer: Those guys came out to help Zoey.

[Crowd cheering]

[Punch]

One,

Two,

Three

[Bell rings]

[Screams]

Oh my God!

They actually fucking did it!

I've got to go see about a girl.

They won their money.

[Deeply exhales]

That's the kid I knew.

I finally tracked you down.

I can't believe you convinced them to let you out for this.

[Smiles]

Nice to see you again, Raph.

Stop calling me that.

You really pushed it today.

Well, Raph, my husband needed a Christmas miracle,

and I'll be damned if he wasn't going to get one.

Oh, really?

Hey, listen.

A person in need, a miracle, isn't...

Isn't that our whole fucking thing?

I forgot how far she lives.

I got one more thing I want to do.

And then we can go.

Fine.

But hurry up.

You're making me run like a goddamn end-of-Christmas

Hallmark movie.

Oh!

Oh God,

[Panting]

Oh...

Hey.

Woah.

You're the naked guy from the Christmas party?

You're going to have to be a little bit more specific.

What?

Nothing.

Hey, wait.

Aren't you that girl that gave my friend

your number at the party?

Yeah, I didn't hear from him.

Hey, listen.

He's a really great guy.

It's just a little complicated right now, you know,

dead wife and stuff.

Yeah.

Do you need a ride or something?

Are you okay?

That would be amazing right now.

I'm kind of trying to fix a problem.

Okay.

Oh, you are a lifesaver.

Thank you.

He does seem like a moron.

Have you ever had a family?

A long time ago.

Really glad I ran into you and that you

didn't try to, like, murder me or something.

Oh, come on.

What are the chances of two serial

killers being in the same car together?

No, seriously, though.

Like, thank you for picking me up.

Yeah, of course.

And, uh, don't worry about Josh.

He's a really good guy.

He'll call you.

I think I'd like that.

He seems sweet.

Also, that shit you guys did tonight says a lot.

Thank you so much.

I gotta go.

Alright, good luck.

I gotta go see about a girl.

[Door closes]

[Calm music]

Congrats on the win.

Very graceful.

I'm an idiot.

Yeah, correct.

I realized tonight that the old dream isn't what I want.

I know what I want.

Ryan.

After everything that's happened,

I don't think we're ever gonna get back there.

Okay?

Cause every time I think I see

that little boy that I knew,

you do something so fucking stupid.

You're right.

You're right.

I just can't see a future without you in it.

Ryan, you scare me.

Okay?

Us together terrifies me.

Because I know I just have to let you in that little fucking bit.

I know, I know.

I know words can't prove anything, and I need to show you.

Let me show you.

I am gonna make you work so fucking hard for this.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I look forward to it.

Gah!

You elf fucking douchebag!

-Stacey!

We're good.

-Oh, we're not mad at him anymore?

No.

This is awkward.

Heh, heh, I deserved it.

I can't believe this is gonna be the

last Christmas we spend in this house.

You should open this.

Thank you.

That's for you. Thank you.

And that is yours.

Lucas, I can't accept this.

I want you to know that I always had faith in you.

Holy fuck. 10 thousand?

Yeah, I give good gifts.

What did you get here,

Oh my God!

It's a Christmas miracle, everyone!

Mine must be good.

You fucker.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry!

[Laughs]

Ryan

Hey, hey!

Look at that!

[Laughs]

Yo, so what's with all of this?

I'm taking some advice.

Time to start doing things a little different.

She'd want all this stuff to go to good use.

Yeah, yeah she would.

So, um, I hear you got a hot date with Jill.

You know she's way out of your league, right?

Yeah.

That's the pot calling the kettle black.

Yeah, I think this time you might be right.

Ryan, hurry up, we're late!

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.

Just keep your pants on, I'm coming, alright?

Jeez, man.

How many freaking drawers does this apartment have?

Jeez.

What the hell is it?

Hell yeah!

Are you still on figuring out the most fuck-able fruit?

We have to go!

I'm coming!

And it's clearly mangoes!

You suck at being sneaky.

[Laughs]

Okay, smartass, I wasn't trying that hard.

[Phone buzzes]

My God! [Phone buzzes]

Okay, Mr. Popular,

Darlene and Sarah will meet us at the airport.

And we got the confirmation on the extra booking.

Yeah, but what the hell are we gonna do for a week?

I can think of something.

[Phone buzzes]

It's Lucas.

Um hmm...

He demands more lights.

Since you're up, do you want to go make me some eggs?

You and the kids are on my turf now.

You go make the fucking eggs.

[Beeping]

[Door closes]

Hi, Dad, we're playing Massacres.

Hi, Mr. Josh.

Hey, what's up?

I'm the fourth victim.

Kay.

Bye, Mr. Josh.

I'm not done with you!

[Indistinct chatter]

It hides my lack of caring.

Okay, Spencer.

You can turn the lights on.

Oh, yeah.

Nice.

All right.

Becca, you're the only person I can't live without.

Will you marry me?

Yes, of course I will.

Now come down here and kiss me.

All right.

Oh, shit!

No!

Oh!

[Screams]

[Laughs]

Ryan?

Oh!

[Upbeat music]

Are you alive?

♫

Tired eye, lost life

makes up for her mother's memory

I hear you at all times.

I'm going nowhere I'm all alone

But I've tried so hard and got so far but,

you all that I'm seeing.

To hunt me like a can a bird, Oh yeah,

Feeling like a fear.

Oh, but baby

I've been thinking lately

I don't think I wanna go home

Left me with my arms

Shaking oh no

Oh, but love

I can't be here tonight

If you're taking a toll

On hurting but, you and I

Cause you burn onto the black line

Cold ice under your eyes

Makes me feel a little complete

But I hear you at all times

I'm going nowhere, I'm all alone

But I've tried so hard and got so far

But you're all that I'm seeing

Your love's touch, harmony, hips and more... ♫

Hey!

Fuck you!

[Music fade away]

Motherfucker!

Fuck you!

Oh!

Ah!

[Screams]

It's okay, buddy. We'll be fine.

Hey, that would look good on you.

Oh, no. It's for my mom.

Great. Ask him how much it is.

Oh, excuse me, sir. How much is...

I don't have time for this shit.

I can't believe this.

Nobody believes...

What's wrong with you?

I don't understand.

Uh, sir?

You never confirmed the price of the watch?

Die!

Help me! I'm dying

Help me!

Spence, Spence, look!

We're writers and directors.

So none of that scene seemed vaguely familiar to you?

No.

No.

In two years of film school,

you think I couldn't come up with

my own original piece?

Shit, I knew I'd seen this one before.

This is it.

Fuck!

It is Scream.

What do you mean?

♫

Oh, It's been taking its toll on her, you, you and I.

We should burn until the black light,

until the black light, until the black light...

♫

I swear BK,

I’m gonna quit this shit one day.

I’m gonna wrap it up

and throw it all away

These walls are closing in

Like virtue mixed with sin.

I swear, one day this shit is gonna kill me.

Wooo, wooo, wooo-oo

Woo, wooo, wooo-oo

The machine may be well oiled

With every spring tightly coiled.

There’s always one cog spun

Wildly out of control.

Despite the shape you’re in,

Hi,

Face the camera with a grin

And make it up as you go along.

Wooo, wooo, wooo-oo [Music fades off]

Hi!

[Laughs]

Woo, wooo, wooo-oo

Oh no! Oh...

[Laughter]

Hey!

Mwah!

Yeah, I know that.

It's, you know, second.

No, no.

Just go.

[Music] That everything is headed for an end.

Oh, you want to mess with me

Motherfucker.

Come on, Come on...

[Crowd cheering]

Fuck him up

[Laughs]

♫

♫