Original subtitles

The film you are about to see was made possible through the combined efforts of

countless unnamed individuals and members of the secret Russian

at extreme personal and financial risk filmed and reproduced their actual

experiences, all of which were designated to undermine the hated

that enslaves Russia.

You will note...

that the characters are actually speaking russian but to help you the

better understand its true and poignant meaning the producers at great expense

have added an english dialogue track this motion picture was filmed almost

entirely within the confines of the iron curtain the explicit sexual scenes you

are about to view were in fact photographed near the arctic circle to

detection by the Russian secret police, and to avoid the problems created by

their strict censorship and customs procedures.

We wish to express our sincere thanks and gratitude to those brave actors and

actresses who risked so much by crossing our borders to aid in the production of

this fine film.

The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Any similarity to actual persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

This motion picture is protected by copyright MCMLXXIX.

Any attempt to reproduce this motion picture in whole or in part is strictly

forbidden.

I suppose you're wondering how a guy like me got into a spot like this, huh?

Not this particular spot, but the spot I'm in here in Moscow, the center of

Mother Russia.

I'll explain right after this orgasm.

Now, having left my mark here in Moscow, I'll go back to the beginning and

explain it all.

It all began a short time ago in my Seattle office.

To be exact, the screening room.

Okay, Bill, let her roll.

My editor had a special assignment for me and made me an offer that I couldn't

refuse. He said he'd fire me if I didn't take it.

the heart of the soviet mainland the kremlin where czars and czarinas were

lived and died and we might add where many were most likely made and conceived

today the scene of a world power struggle which is diverted at times by

problems involving a restless people or under the facade of a soviet regimented

victorian lifestyle exists the mass human interest in what the west knows as

dolce vita

Much of this attention is now being directed to all forms of pornography.

True, hard evidence that pornography exists and is flourishing in the Soviet

Union is obvious everywhere and is available for a price, preferably in

or in gold.

Comics, pictures, and even movies from 8mm to the big wide screen.

shot in underground studios are causing top red officials much consternation.

Labeled officially as hooliganism, the market for pornography spans every facet

of Soviet society, reaching even the inner circles of the Kremlin, where

of orgies are becoming documented by eyewitness reports.

And behind this massive anti -communist activity appears a Russian sex queen.

Her name, now known far and wide, is Libriana.

But to the average Soviet person on the street, she is only a comic book type of

character. She strikes against the commies almost at will.

No one fully understands her operational capabilities.

Scott, I want you to get to that broad.

Boy, would I like to.

I want an in -depth interview of this sex queen. Now, it won't be easy.

Every red agent is looking for this gal. In that classless society, a big cash

reward is offered for her arrest.

She's a master of disguise and travels freely from east to west. Now this could

be the biggest fine since Lawrence of Arabia.

Bar no cost, Scott.

Find Libriana.

To ask a horny bastard like me to find a sex queen was like...

Turning a kid loose in a candy shop.

Sure, I'd find a sex queen.

And when I did, it'd be more than just an interview.

Now, behind the iron curtain, posing as a common tourist, I began my search.

My information was that she had a villa on the Black Sea.

I left no stone unturned in my laborious search for Libriana.

The Russian Barbarella.

Being fluent in the Russian language helps a lot.

As time passed, however, information led me to Moscow.

You won't see me here. I'm in the john undergoing an introductory course on

Soviet comradeship.

Wowee! I believe we broke the sound barrier.

Here, when they say coffee, chai, or me, they really mean it.

Okay, now I'm in Moscow, but... How does one find a sex queen?

Libriana, a woman, must be a shopper.

Where best to find her than the biggest department store in the world, the Goom

department store.

Here they have a picture of almost every commodity a woman would want.

And you can put your name on the longest waiting list in the world.

I canvassed the city by car.

Even went underground using the subway.

It wasn't easy.

She isn't in the Yellow Pages.

Hell, Moscow doesn't even have Yellow Pages. Here everything is red.

In desperation, I decided to go to the October parade.

Everyone loves a parade.

Well, maybe I'll get lucky and find Libriana here.

Everywhere else, it rains on parade day.

Here, they've got to be different.

Anyone want a job dusting off missiles?

Libriana, the anti -Soviet Russian sex queen.

I bet every secret agent or policeman is looking for her.

Speaking of policemen, I bet every junior G -man in Russia is here today.

But when you want one, he's never around.

After several drinks of lament poured by my favorite bartender at the Metropole

Hotel, I sat down to pen a note to my boss.

How do you report failure?

Dear boss, it won't be long now.

But all work and no play makes Scott a dull boy.

Sure wish I could find Libriana and see what Russian pizda tastes like.

Ah,

a black marketeer.

He's going to put me on the trail of Libriana by means of talking to a

bus driver.

Everywhere else, it seems to be a cab driver.

That bit of information cost me two cartons of American cigarettes and my

digital watch.

I met my bus driver, but was he cautious?

He bathed that bus twice before he'd talk.

The bus driver put me on to Maya, who was supposed to be a protege of our sex

queen. I confided with my bartender, who warned me that actually, this was a

frame.

I met and made Maya.

And Maya Mia, can she screw?

So now you know how I got here in this spot. In the Crimson Empire, about to

have my second orgasm right in the middle of Red Square.

And my bartender warned me that Maya was a commie secret agent.

Moral. One should always trust his bartender.

Now for an inside view of the infamous Lupianka prison.

Come on, you're going to talk, you fucker.

What are you trying to find Libriana for?

You're going to talk or else.

In my agony, little did I know that my search had not been in vain.

Libriana was watching out over me.

I first became aware of this man, Scott, through my video monitor.

To be effective in my work, I had to bug all of the activities at the Libyanka

prison, the headquarters of the secret police.

To counter the Red Terror, I had to have first -hand information on their

activities.

And this journalist, being the coward that he is, told all.

I was sure that this was the man I was looking for.

Ready!

Aim!

Fire!

I felt Scott may have a coronary, and thus, I began to effect a rescue.

With my helper Ivan at my side, we devised a plan.

I short -circuited their computer, which allowed me to order the transport of

Scott through Moscow on a prearranged route to the airport.

All went well as we began to hijack Scott, but in the excitement, he not

slipped away from the Soviet guards, but from us as well.

feet as he was with his tongue to

the airport Ivan

and trap you all? Yeah, for the time being. But don't go too far.

I've got a feeling I'll be needing you shortly.

A pretty good piece, huh?

She's real good, too.

How do you know?

Oh, I fuck her almost every day. Well, every day Libriana and I are here at the

villa.

How did you get hooked up with our Russian sex queen?

Libriana is a real lady.

Maybe you wouldn't understand.

You like the sordid type of girl, like that secret agent in Moscow.

I like girls who fuck.

I'm not particular about their social standing.

Libriana is a liberator. Taking a page from the Roman history books, we're

working for the eventual overthrow of the communist empire through debauchery.

But that took hundreds of years.

All the more fun for us.

What the hell can you do?

You look like an off -color member of the Ku Klux Klan.

Lucky for you, I do.

Libriana saved me from a slave labor camp where they were making tests on

as guinea pigs.

But they didn't get me out before they made my body what it is now.

But I'm no cripple. I do my share in a good fight.

Okay, okay.

How about a talk with our First Lady?

Not just now. She's busy in her study working, I believe, on a volume of the

history of the Communist Party in the Soviet Union.

Ivan, have Scott meet me at the pool.

Give him a suit to hide his naughty body.

Wow!

Now, Mr.

Journalist, start interviewing.

Well, first I'd like to know why you rescued me. You came all the way from

Seattle, am I correct?

Yep.

Well, the power of the Western press is formidable.

Solzhenitsyn proved that.

It saved his neck.

I have a more ambitious project in mind. But first, let me act as the

interviewee and you make like the interviewer.

Right. Now, tell me, here in this tight police state that keeps millions of Jews

and millions of other minorities under their thumbs, you operate virtually in

the open. You travel on your private jet at will. Your villa here is on the

Black Sea. It's in plain sight, too. Just how do you get away with it?

Okay, Scott.

This is off the record, right?

Right.

This villa, our pornography factory, is registered in the name of a non

-existent top Soviet secret agent.

In a closed society, everyone is taught not to ask questions.

Even those in charge don't ask.

They fear for their lives.

But you mean to tell me that this dreaded secret police is so bureaucratic

it is unable to function effectively in suppressing your activities?

Jealousy prevails even throughout the secret police, which means that the left

hand doesn't know what the right is doing. So your work continues without

of arrest.

Not always.

Sometimes an honest, hardworking, dedicated cop will get on my trail.

Then I must take steps to eliminate him.

Is that often?

No, not often. But in fact, right now.

I have a Colonel Popsky to contend with.

He got interested in you in Moscow and is sniffing on your trail here in the

Black Sea.

You going to rub him out?

Extinguish him with extreme prejudice, as we say in our CIA?

You will see.

You didn't believe me, did you?

Don't go far now, you hear?

Here, put this on. What's this for? All is done with security here.

Okay.

This is our filming editing room.

Our porno flicks are put together here.

This is the design department Ideas are developed here and tested for their

effect against the regime real erotic appeal, huh?

Our work must arouse people and show them another way than this Victorian

of the Reds

Some of these people have top jobs in the police state that they're helping to

tear down. You mean that well -known people are participating in this sort of

thing? And what is wrong with this sort of thing?

Well, it's okay for some people, but I wouldn't want to be caught dead in a

like that.

My screwing is done in private with the party of the second part and sometimes a

party of the third part.

You certainly don't understand modern attitudes and changing values towards

You'd do something like this on film?

I wouldn't ask my people to do anything I wouldn't do myself.

Tomorrow I'll show you some of my starring roles.

Wow. Wow.

Okay, baby. Okay. Good night's sleep for everybody, huh?

Hey.

Yeah.

Hey, Ivan or Igor, whatever your name is. Don't you have your own room?

It's more fun in strange places.

Okay, Vladek, let's go.

I promised to show you some of my stuff.

Boy, you couldn't get me to perform like that. Do these things really sell over

here? You bet. In fact, we just completed earlier today one we feel will

the top ten.

It's the next one up.

Oh, what a big cock.

You really like it?

Oh, it's wonderful.

It ought to be. It's handmade.

What are you doing to me?

This is my insurance.

For my campaign in the Western press, I need a reliable reporter.

If anything goes wrong, this flick gets distributed worldwide.

Well, that's a dirty trick.

My commie teachers invented most of the dirty tricks.

Not too shabby.

You think this is something you should see yourself on the postcards.

Oh, shit.

Let's get down to the important things.

Let's go to the video monitor.

Oh, fuck.

Do they still have that parade going?

They've always got a parade going.

Where do you think their minds are when we show our fuck films?

I see what you mean. Pretty powerful medicine.

Missiles or hot pants, the people's choice.

This is a prisoner interrogation at the local secret police headquarters.

I almost think that guy likes it.

You guessed it.

He's a prisoner?

No, no.

She's the prisoner, he's the interrogator. He's a sadomasochist, a

sexual pervert, and he's got a heart condition.

That's Agent 1206 of the Secret Police, better known as Colonel Popsky, that

asshole who's on our trail.

Another red fucker about to bite the dust.

Boy, you've had a heavy day now. It's fun time

No, I've got to get back to work.

There's a good story here. I want to get it to Seattle. I've taken care of that.

We leave for Turkey tonight.

Are you a strong swimmer? We're going to swim to Turkey?

No, don't be foolish.

We'll go there by my mini -submarine. But first, we must scuba out beyond the

country's security network.

quiet stuff the beaches are closed to dark and heavily guarded

careful there's

ours ours what do you mean the one we will take out to clear the path to the

beach

Did you kill him?

No, he will only sleep

Was my editor happy with that copy?

He himself read it back to me for accuracy.

He says he's starting a series showing the work that you're doing from a

correspondent behind the Iron Curtain. Did you tell him you were sleeping with

Russian sex queen?

No, that comes in the last chapter.

How did the secret police get Ivan? He was selling to a person who turned out

be an agent for the Reds. Colonel Popski has taken him to a Siberian prison

camp.

How will you get him out?

We, my dear sir, you are going to help me.

Oh, shit.

Remember our deal?

This is part of it.

Okay, okay. Now, how are we going to get clear up there in Siberia? We are going

by plane, but my own small, ski -equipped, single -engine job.

It's quiet, maneuverable, and it'll get us there.

Check your bladder, though. The trip will be long.

Boy, I don't understand this a bit.

Here we are, about to enter the highly secret, top -secure Soviet prison

and you take no troops, no machine guns.

You don't even have a gun.

I can handle the Reds.

But how are we going to get into a Soviet prison camp?

Getting in is the easiest.

They are designed to keep people in, not out.

Patience. You will see.

Those dogs sure are quiet.

They're well trained.

Now to Popsky's torture chamber.

You won't get anything out of me, no matter what you do.

You know how I survived before.

Ah, but your interrogators were not Colonel Popsky.

I think their hearts weren't in it.

Okay, Scott.

You make a noise to disturb him as I jump down. Okay, I'll back you up. I'll

right behind you.

kept you here you ungrateful truant stop playing hooky and make yourself

presentable

Still the pervert, huh?

Number 1206.

Master torturer of the simple people.

Well, you're about to get your last big thrill on Mother Earth.

Here's a blow for freedom, you asshole. Son of a bitch.

Give him one for me, Libriana.

Count me in for a blow.

Hit me.

Hit me.

No.

Hit me. Hit me.

No. Boy, you could say he went out with a bang.

Setting fire to that camp was a great idea.

I bet half the prison is gone by now.

A hot time in the old town, hey?

Speaking of hot, my pants are iron. Can you mush a little faster?

I see you want to be alone.

Have you ever made it in a dog sled?

So, Libriana, the Russian sex queen, the girl who continues to beat City Hall,

so to speak, works under the very noses of the agents of the Red Terror, working

with her friends to bring down that regime that armies have failed to do.

um um

Okay, slate it.