All language subtitles for Juego de Huesos, el Invierno estállegando (2013)

Just fucking just shot right in her
face.

And it could be right.

Probably not.

If someone there is like, you just need
some chapstick.

What's going on?

Okay.

Oh, shit. Is that...

Like, some

dragons can be really small.

But going back... Oh, God, that reminds
me of... Fuck with that goddamn movie

where the chick is pregnant.

Right.

Not Ryan, Sarah.

Something Sarah.

She's got the Bernie P today.

Herbs.

May I ask you a couple of questions?

Michael Thera. How did I get Ryan Thera?
I don't know.

What's that goddamn movie now, too?

Like the hamburger phone?

I swear I've referenced it before.

Juno. That's it.

Juno.

But this is Game of Thrones.

Or Game of Bones.

Which is better than Game of Thrones.

You know what the hardest thing outside
of this guy's dick? The hardest thing

here is him probably keeping that voice
up. Because I hope that's not his actual

voice.

And I swear I've seen that costume
before.

Like Halloween Superstore or something
like that.

I like the throw pillows in the corner
too.

Alright, we need something for this set.
Well, we got a bed.

Cool. We're just going to paint the
whole thing fucking red.

Alright. Awesome.

And let's just throw these throw pillows
in the corner. There are throw pillows.

Alright, yeah. Just put them over there.

I feel like this is like a Motel 6. They
just put like a fucking red curtain

around.

So you guys would like a renaissance
pair? Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. Let's just

with that.

All right.

No shoes aren't period.

Stocking points. Stocking points for
authenticity.

Is he mic'd up? No.

Thought he had one of those little,
like, reporter mics on him.

It's delightful.

Delightful. That's something you don't
hear often.

Alright, we need to make it sound more
English to fit with the show.

Don't say, that's good. Say it's
delightful.

Alright, cool.

Tip -top.

Slobber me knob there. It's delightful.

You're going to sound slightly
effeminate and British.

Therefore, that's how you know you're
going to be this character.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Ah.

It's perfect.

Oh, doop, doop, doop.

Tit -fucking. I don't think, no, I
haven't seen that for a while.

I don't think.

I can't remember.

It's probably one of the hentai videos.

Someone opening a door. Shut up. We're
trying to fucking record.

Oh. Hey, she ain't wearing underwear.

I guess it's kind of period. Maybe not.

I don't know why I'm surprised she
wasn't wearing underwear.

We didn't see it. That's why you have to
do it again.

Did we just... Did we get jump cut?

We just got a jump cut.

Alright.

I...

I've

never understood that. Just, like, just

take your dick and slap me in the side
of the face.

Just... Just do that.

I don't... I never got that.

I guess people like it, obviously.

I hate your lady bits.

I hate your lady bits.

Okay, that's... Please

be formal.

Exquisite.

Exquisite. Ah, there's another word we
haven't heard.

The terribleness of the fake British
accents.

I just want there to be, like, one
southern dude in here. I know, like,

parodying it, but I want there to be,
like, one that's, like, deep south

person. Yeah,

I'm fancy.

Say something Shakespearean.

Oh yes, person, I didn't know your name.
Your pussy is quite divine.

Delightful. Yes.

Is there a red wedding or something like
that that happens in here?

Like, I'm trying to figure out, well,
obviously they just had red, and that's

why the whole room is red.

Maybe there's other references? I don't
quite know.

I'm just going to start calling him
Michael Cera, because that's who he

me of.

I just like the way he's like, yeah,
they need to stay in character.

They need to talk with my shitty British
accent and sound somewhat effeminate.

This is an important flat point.

Don't make eye contact with the camera.

You know, I wonder what their gym
routine workout is.

Especially the ladies, because they have
to, like, basically, when they're doing

that, that frickin' muscle that's right
there next to your pelvis, like that.

How do you work that out? I guess it's
like squats, or just doing this all day.

I guess that would work.

You know, I bet you could probably crush
watermelons with those thighs.

Just hanging out with your friends. Oh!

They probably know what they do. It
would have to be strangers.

So then it's like, oh man, you have some
really good, what do you do with your

workout routine? Well, I fuck a lot of
people. It's my job.

Here's my resume.

I've been in all these movies.

I want

him to say

something dumb when he's about to cum.

Like, oh, like, I hope he blows on her
face. He's like, the Lannisters send

their regards. Ugh!

See, I know very little.

Wait,

was he calling her Cersei? Because,
like, isn't Cersei the one lady who goes

psycho and, like, kills everyone?

Like, blows up the one church thing?

I think they should have changed camera
angles for that, but... There we go.

That's good.

They couldn't transition beforehand?

I guess they could.

I'm expecting them to have, like, two or
three camera dudes, but they probably

just got, like, one. He's like, hold on!

Jesus!

There's someone walking down the stairs
again.

Oh, yes.

Hey, we're trying to shoot a video here
in this room. Could you, like, not...

Toss me off.

Toss me off.

I wonder how much selling they looked
up.

Sit back on the cup. Don't touch it to
my face.

Sit back.

Come here.

Don't be talking about your tits off
your face.

Oh, it's fantastic.

Like, I'm going to have to look up this
guy here in a hot minute and figure out

if he's actually English or, like, they
just watched a whole bunch of, like,

British actors and are doing a shitty
accent.

Nothing really important is happening. I
could look this up.

It's got a 7 .6 out of 10 on IMDb.

I think James Dean is in here.

I think that's James Dean. I'm not 100 %
sure on that one.

I don't think James Dean is...

Yeah, he's from California, so it's
definitely not British there. English,

of the UK.

It's one thing I keep forgetting about
adult films. 15 minutes in.

One of the things I keep forgetting
about regular adult films that aren't

is that there's not a lot... There's a
lot of fucking... Not a lot of plot

advancement.

That's probably... That's probably a
reference to something.

I don't know that, but... Handlers in
the Forest. I mean...

None of y 'all are really, you know,
rocking some bush, so I can't really say

that.

You know, there has to be a script

or something with this.

And I swear he's rocking snow boots.

Spit it out.

Spit it out, John.

Say what you're trying to say. Use your
words. Use your words.

It's good. It's very good.

So many, so many things I can make fun
of.

Yeah, let's get a close -up of her
gripping the bed sheet,

because that's what we all want to see.

French tips, right on.

You know, I was reading an article the
other day about how crazy a woman is,

can tell by her fingernails.

Like the different styles and like
shades equals levels of craziness. Kind

like the universal hot crazy scale.

Some guy on Instagram made a book.
Apparently he did research and shit too.

I can't remember exactly what the guy's
name was, but if you Google it, I'm

pretty sure.

He'll pop up there. Might be worth a
read. I don't know.

Also thinking about it, her dress kind
of is, uh, kind of pointless.

Good.

It's alright.

It's fine.

Because, I mean, like, it's kind of like
a shirt that just kind of, like, spins

around, I guess.

I guess that's what I picture it kind of
like, helicopter blades.

He's like, you know, I understand this
is obviously a porn parody.

But still, you've got to think of the
functionality sometimes.

I

don't think

we've seen ass -eating on this show yet.

I need to get a chart and write all this
crap down.

So I can reference myself later.

Flip the bed. Flip the bed.

It has, like, no support.

Or it's made of springs.

I mean, most bread says springs in them,
but you know what I mean.

The bed frame is made of springs.

She's come, like, twice.

And he's, like, had three, like, times
where I thought he came, but he didn't.

Ghost orgasms.

It's in about 20 minutes in now.

And outside of that awesome bit in the
beginning, I don't really know what's

going on outside of these characters.

We're fucking. That's about it.

I got some throw codes in the corner. I
got one of those dressing screens back

there.

I'm also trying to figure out this
shirt. Like, what's the point of those

going to the side?

It's like the fourth time you've gone
back to doing that. There's only so much

you can do, man.

Oh, that's why they have the red sheet
on there. The leopard print doesn't

really make sense with the rest of the
room kind of off -putting.

Frida came like three times, dude. Are
you not paying attention?

She's got some good calf muscles,
though.

And he keeps picking on her right leg. I
feel like her left leg isn't doing a

lot. It's kind of laying there flopping
around.

She seems kind of bored, too.

You can only fake it for so long, man.

Let's hope I'll hit the camera. Yeah.

Yes, it hit the camera.

Punk.

Big old plastic friggin' pump heels.

I don't know, it's not pumps. They're
more like hooker heels.

You know, those are obviously the most
popular shoes in porn, I would say. But

want to see some, like, wedges.

Or, like, pumps.

Maybe some flats.

As you know, I want to see a character
just flat.

I want to see the most average person as
a porn star. That's what I want to see,

without obviously looking up this
average thing. Because there's no plot

that, and that's what the rest of
Pornhub is.

The amateur category.

I mean, when I'm not doing commentary,
or looking for commentary videos,

that's pretty much what I just look at
there. But yeah, you know what,

Everyone's got their own. Some people
like, you know, like feet, which I think

is just weird.

I hate feet. Feet are gross.

It's getting kind of boring.

22 minutes. 22 minutes.

I've passed.

I think we're looking at an hour 20 for
this whole thing.

You know, I'm just kind of surprised
he's gone on this long.

He's kind of sweating a bit, though.

You fucked her long enough, dude.

She's like, give me a break. Just come.

Is she winter?

Because she's probably come like four
times and you need to come at least once

with her. I'm assuming it's John's now.

I could be wrong. That could be somebody
else.

That is a bust.

That is a bus or an airplane in the
background.

That is an airplane.

There's an airplane coming into landing.

We're just gonna, gonna ignore that, not
even gonna cut it out in post

-production. We're just gonna, there's a
fucking airplane coming in, that's what

it is.

And she vaguely looked like Britney
Spears for two seconds.

Oh god, Britney, is that you?

I mean, I find that, I would find that
really funny if that was Britney Spears.

I know it's not, but... I've got one
more thing to show you.

Put your head right at the edge of the
bed.

Do it.

Say something like, winter is coming.

Or like... This is cold.

Winter's coming.

Yes!

Yes.

Alright.

Not as good as drop and load. Not as
good as drop and load.

But I'll take it.

And to be fair, your moves that aren't
that good, like those two, you shouldn't

be naming them.

Like you're talking with the lads and be
like, all right, so I call it when I do

this, I'm going to name it this. Dude,
that's not that good.

You should like, you know, when you're
doing this and this, like you're

her over and just like chucking her
around, you can be like, yeah, I call

this. But dude, if you're like, I'm just
nailing her doggy style, don't call it.

Whatever he fucking called it.

Oh, it's a Civil War reenactment.

Yes.

The dog.

What is this?

Okay, these are fantastic.

These little cuts between here are fan
-fucking -tastic.

I'm going to give it a 10. A 10 for
those.

My

mother's

right. I will need the Freys armies.

I will go to him and ask for forgiveness
for not marrying one of his ugly

daughters. Go back to playing with your
toy. I like that.

My

mother's

advice hasn't been great, I think.

My husband.

They can't all be winners, but...

Maybe this time things will go right.

Huh? Maybe? I don't know. You're right.

What could possibly happen going to an
insane man who hates me and owns a bunch

of swords?

I'm sure I'd be as cool as a white
walker's dildo.

I didn't mean to cause so much political
trouble.

Go back to playing your toys.

No, we did Fox for 20 minutes.

We need more plot advancement.

Oh, this is superb.

I enjoy this.

Oh!

Thank God we have these freaking jeans,
dress pants

in medieval times.

Go back to playing with your toys. I
really like that.

Do you think I know where he got that
armor set, though?

That's the Starks in the north, right?

Now,

how come all, like, the fake leather
stuff they wear is always, like, fucking

shiny as shit?

Like, you think you couldn't, like, you
know, dull latex so it looks less fake?

Put them all in her mouth. There you go.

There you go.

Now I've got to figure out what the next
thing is going to be, the next

catchphrase. Like I said, winter is
coming all over your face, or all over

And to be fair, it really wasn't all
over. It was kind of a little bit.

Little squirrel.

Little squirrel.

Need more lines like that.

Say more dumb shit.

Who's that? Erwin from Lord of the
Rings? The elf chick?

She kind of looked like her for like two
seconds.

You know, if I was a porn star, I would
definitely try to be a ventriloquist.

Like a female porn star, because, you
know, you got a lot of shit in your

all the time.

Just be like saying shit when you got a
dick in your mouth. That'd be kind of

funny.

Like, to me, it'd be funny.

I'm also enjoying the alligator print.

Just laugh.

Oh, I know you're enjoying this about as
much as the rest of us. I know how

ridiculous this is.

Wow.

I really get what you meant now.

Good job, Batman.

I'm the world's greatest detective.

A's for Alfred, B's for Bats.

It kind of looks like Markiplier,
thinking about it.

It'd be kind of funny if that was
Markiplier. Oh, it's not.

It'd be funny if that was me.

Also, you know what, thinking about it,
he has no leg protection.

No?

Alright, yeah, why not?

Begin with the red sheets.

Why is everything red?

Oh, she's taller than him.

Oh, no!

All right.

That's okay.

Just keep faking it because you did not
enjoy that.

That maybe.

Yes. Yes.

More of that.

This is part of the script. This is all
just ad -libbed because they're just

like, fuck it.

Okay. You know what?

Just all ad -libs. Just all of it. All
of it right here.

I do like that song, though.

It just has a fucking white t -shirt on
underneath it.

Now it's got little drawstrings on it.

So it is from some fucking renaissance
store.

But otherwise, here's my armor robot
from the dollar store.

Thank you. Thank you so much for that,
Cass. It was good.

She's fucking losing it.

Oh, she's losing it. I'm losing it.

Oh, this is so ridiculous.

Say more Duran Duran lyrics.

And I'm hungry like the wolf.

He's like, don't fucking do it. I'm
gonna bite your fucking dick off.

So much better.

I tried to sneak up and stand him, but
I'm too dumb thick that my ass

cheeks just clap.

I do enjoy how he's not trying to do the
dumb, like, British accent.

Like, it's vaguely there, but not
really.

You can't see that angle, though.

Like, there's a... Now there's a
lawnmower outside.

They recorded this all at a Motel 6.

Should we try editing out... We could
just do jump cuts and we know we won't

have the lawnmower or that airplane in
the back.

Nah, fuck it.

It's not like there's going to be a dude
who's going to watch this and just

commentate on the whole thing and point
out the fact that there's been an

airplane and a lawnmower in here.

I keep thinking that, like, scarf she
has on is part of her hair.

And she, like, dyed it green.

You finished taking your pants off too,
dude.

What?

I

like

the fucking backwards glances.

Oh, God.

I'm pretty sure the director was just
like, all right, cool, you're this,

this person, you're this person, play
with your toys, here's some vague lines,

and yeah,

just fucking, when you're doing it, spit
out lines you think your character

would say.

All right, cool.

Nothing's too ridiculous for here,
folks.

I got like three drinks over here I just
keep sipping from.

So that's why I'm saying something
positive for like two seconds.

The men are restless. You need a battle
plan.

Meanwhile, the men are outside.

You know, our commander's been in there
for a while.

You think he's playing with the toys
again? Yeah, probably.

Well, his wife's in there. They're
probably fucking.

Should we go check on him?

Maybe? We can just chill out here for a
while. We're not really fighting

anybody.

Alright, that's cool.

Totally faking it and not into it
whatsoever.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm definitely enjoying her.

She's making this fantastic.

Show more Peter Dinklage knockoff.
That's what I want to see. I hope he

laid.

They show that top, there we go.

That metal disc in the back.

No, never mind. I thought it was one of
those old school like bed warmer things.

You know, they had like, they look like
that. Like a, you put like hot coals in

it, had a stick and you put them under
the bed and they warm things up.

Got one of those in my parents' house.

Say some other stupid shit.

You know, we've gotten a lot of

blowjobs so far in this thing.

And the other ones did fuck for, you
know, a bit. But there's a lot of

in there, too. There's been a lot of
blowjob so far.

Should have been called Game of Blows.
Oh.

Oh, that's a terrible pun.

Sure,

whatever.

Just do it.

Sure,

do it, whatever. She's like, I'm
supposed to say shit? I don't know.

He's definitely wearing her as a
character than she is.

Uncut. Uncut director's version.

Do I get lunch?

Totally just reminds me of Markiplier.

Ice fade.

I

think that's a

check.

Yeah.

I'm going to hit you with an arrow if
you can.

And then you will let me go free?

Yes, exactly.

Except for the letting you go free part.

Oh. And the trying to hit the apple
part.

Oh.

All right, let's go.

I'll shoot you in the face.

Oh.

Just shoot him with a fucking crossbow.
It's twang.

Is that Amanda Bynes?

Looks like Amanda Bynes.

Sort of.

Or Cindy Lou Who. She's Cindy Lou.

Pop culture references.

A wuma.

Ugh,

fake shitty accents.

Accents.

God,

she's such a bitch.

Ah, yeah, it's a royalty -free
soundtrack.

It's the dragonborn. I know that one.

Ha!

Are those... Those are cats.

Those were cats.

Show the cats again.

What?

What?

Go.

Show the cats again.

I want to see the cats.

All right, it's Rock.

And that's that one chick from Brave,
right?

That's totally a jean jacket.

What?

I'm one of you. That's what I said,
right?

Now, hear me out.

Instead of raiding that wall, we could
stay here, and I could raid

your wall.

And Mexico's going to pay for it.

How long are we going to milk that for?

Okay. I mean, that could be part of it.

Yes.

Something worse than the NSA.

The IRS.

Oh, no, it's just a really pasty topless
chick with a dildo.

On a stick.

It's a dildo on a stick.

Like, is she gray?

Or is that just the lighting?

Oh, shit, guys, it's Lady Gaga.

Maybe. I'm just going to stand here and
watch. All right, cool. That's what

we're... All right.

Go back to Jon Snow and the other chick.

And frickin' Girl from Brave.

You know, I totally thought we were
gonna have, like, them. See them

But I guess we're getting a solo act.
All right. That's pulling the rug out

underneath us.

I mean, I could be wrong.

I probably am wrong.

Jon Snow has to do that thing with his
mouth.

While Lady Gaga over here, you know,
watches, I guess.

On the Lone Rock set piece.

And I was going to say, at least she has
period boots on, but nope, those are

just white stiletto boots.

I feel like they filmed this in black
and white.

Ah, yes, John is one of the old -timey
naked flicks.

See, live nude girls.

I also just really like how that is a
dildo on a stick.

Like, that would be, like, the perfect
time for, like, a fuck machine.

But no, it's a dildo attached to stick.

I wouldn't touch that white walker with
a ten -foot pole. Well, how about a four

-and -a -half -foot pole with a dildo
attached to it?

All right, maybe that.

Maybe.

I seriously want to know what the other
two are doing.

Hanging out?

Watching? Having a good time?

Is this freaking brave chick going to
arrow her?

Twang arrows.

I hope it doesn't transition out from
this. I hope she just kind of fucks off

and leaves.

They're like, well, that was
interesting.

Okay, they have to have at least two
camera people.

I can't really tell because of the
lighting, but I feel like she had that,

80s eyeliner eye band thing going on.

All right, it's not filming black and
white. It's just the lighting. Maybe

did paste here a little bit.

She's obviously painted because you can
tell, like, her hands and other things

that have been near, well, moisture
being rubbed together is kind of coming

She's gonna fuck off and leave?

Just put that in your mouth for a minute
and then fuck off and leave?

Bye, stick.

Just kick that fucking rock.

Seriously, what the fuck are the other
two doing? Just, like, staring?

Like, okay.

It's visions based on movement.

We don't move.

No,

she could probably take someone out with
that thing.

Seems heavy enough.

That's how they turn them into other, I
guess, what do they call them, tight

walkers?

Knock them the fuck out and then,
alright, you're one now too.

Tom.

Oh, okay, she does have a tattoo.

I guess it's a tattoo. I'm pretty sure
it's a tattoo.

I know I was calling her Lady Gaga, but
now I got, like, Shakira stuck in my

head. I don't know why.

Just taking my... I don't know why.

Yeah, Kirby, there's a girl literally
fucking herself here, and that's all you

can think about is Shakira and that dumb
thunk? Yeah.

That can't be comfortable. She's on a
bunch of rocks.

Go back to the dragon milk and the cats.
That's what I want to see This

must be a tree

I think it is a tree

I'd

like to think that camera angle done
like it like that thing, but it could

be a guy on his tiptoes holding up. I
think I've got the shot. I think I've

the shot.

Don't put it in your mouth. It's been on
the ground.

Alright, I guess... It kind of looks
like that one trick from the ring,

if you look at it that way.

You just gonna fuck off now?

There's a lot of I'm not done yet
moments here.

She wasn't supposed to drop the dildo,
guys.

No, no, that's been on the ground. Don't
put that in your mouth.

Aw, gross.

Also, to be fair, I'm not knocking her
in any way, shape, or form.

But she's called a tight walker, right?

The size of that dildo does not indicate
Tightwalker to me.

Now, I'm not saying, you know, just
Loosewalker, you know, something like

but I get it.

You could have called her Whitefucker.

There's plenty of other names.

And seriously, where the fuck are the
other two? You'd think it would have cut

over to them by now.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming. I'm coming.

I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Or Jon's just in there cranking his
shit. Like, yeah!

Still got Rihanna's star, not Rihanna.
Friggin' Shakira stuck in my head.

Okay, cut it for like two seconds.

I missed something.

Twang!

Oh, shit, we got special effects?

Bam, that's the budget right there.

Are you going to get the dildo?

Joke. Okay, so they are going to fuck.
There's not going to be a minute there

between to, you know, get some more
plot.

He's going to, quote -unquote, do that
thing with his mouth.

Also, that's not a good place to keep a
dragonglass.

Just saying.

What the fuck were they doing that whole
time where the frickin' zombie chick

was sitting there masturbating?

They were just hanging out.

Like, so, um, how's it going?

You know, we could leave.

That'd be kind of rude, though, because
she's just, you know, touching herself

over there, and I feel like we should
watch.

A little stretch there.

Brave chick reminds me of that one chick
from Spider -Lady. Spider -Man, Spider

-Lady.

There's probably a porno called Spider
-Lady.

You know, I'm pretty sure there is. It
has Misty Monday in it.

Spider -Babe, that's what that one's
called.

But the first Spider -Man.

Not Pizza Time Spider -Man, but... She
played Mary Jane.

Oh, how far Mary Jane has fallen.

Maybe it's an upgrade. I mean, I don't
know.

I also wonder if that is real hair or
that's a wig.

Oh shit, there's a fucking puncher.
Like, oh god damn, dude.

I've heard about beating the pussy up,
but that's ridiculous.

Alright, while he's doing that here,
hold the camera with your free hand.

Keeps in here thinking myself like come
on hurry up.

I Need to see more plot, but this is in
fact a porno and you know, this is kind

of the main thing here There's not
really a story So there should be a

Someone is unzipping something

She's got a compass tattoo

I'm happy she kept her high -heeled Ugg
boots on, too.

Does she have two compass tattoos?

Or am I just mistaken that she has a
compass tattoo in the first place?

It also appears my neighbors are
organizing things upstairs.

Just drag shit around.

She's also definitely more into it than
the other chick there.

The other Stark.

Well, we've got an hour left, guys.

Yeah. It's going to be a long one today.

Definitely should have checked out the
time before I dove into this. But all

right, marathon.

It's not porn, it's HBO.

Oh no, this is porn.

Just do what you want.

That's something you don't think I've
heard before.

I wonder if we're going to see the
freaking dude that Joffrey was shooting

the face.

Like quite literally shooting him in the
face with a crossbow.

Twang.

I wonder if we're going to see him.

This one I was looking at IMDB. He is
listed, but unfortunately IMDB doesn't

list how many scenes they're in.

Some good old mutual masturbation. There
we go. Haven't seen that for a while.

Yeah, lap.

You guys are always so ridiculous in all
these films.

They always sound like they're moving
something heavy.

Angry grunting.

It's supposed to go in her mouth, not on
her face.

She's like, stop, stop, stop it.

Who is that good for?

Must be fucking terrifying, honestly.

Is the lawnmower back? I'm hearing
things.

I think the lawnmower is back.

Nope, another airplane.

I know that's a helicopter.

Just jam it in. There you go. Just jam
it in. That's all that needs to happen.

That's a brick.

That is a brick back there.

That is a plaster rock and a brick.

Definitely went all out when getting
scenery for this thing

I

also

like the snail trail that you can
clearly see on this chick

She has an A tattooed on her, too.

You know, I need to go browse their
other videos that they have.

You know, there should be Wood Rocket.

See if I can identify this set anywhere
else.

Just put my hand in your mouth because
that's sexy.

That definitely looks like the Atlanta
Brave Day.

I mean, I'm pretty sure it's dialyzed
because her name's straight like a

or something like that.

Totally the Atlanta Brave Day, though.

I'm not even a huge fan of baseball. I'm
surprised I know that.

Or really sports in general.

I mean, I do like hockey and play off
games at the starting.

Started, actually.

So how boring is the scene? Well, I'm
going to start talking about sports that

really don't like, and there's clearly
two people fucking right now.

That's what he's doing. You don't have
to... Just, yeah, just

slap her titty. That's all... You know
what?

That's the thing. You know, you're
sitting there with your woman.

Just do it. Just slap and squeeze.
That's the preferred method from what I

from all ladies.

Clap and squeeze.

Oh, airplane's back.

Go, JJ, the jet plane.

Sounds more like a propeller plane,
though.

Are you done grunting?

See, they're going to keep going. I bet
they're going to keep going.

It's one of those fake ones.

Fake endings.

You can't do that. You already burned
that one.

Like, burned it, like, twice.

Every scene seems to have it.

You know, I wonder if they do takes.

Okay, there obviously has to be more
than one camera.

They're obviously splicing together, but
I wonder if there's more than one take.

I really don't think so. There kind of
is, but not really.

Because, you know, I'm sitting here. I'm
kind of bored.

But you've got to realize that the crew
and stuff like that, they've just got to

be sitting there.

And obviously the sound stage isn't that
good because we can hear lawnmowers and

airplanes and helicopters.

Planes, trains, and automobiles.

Oh, God, I would love it if there was a
train that just rolled through.

Like, not like a train. There might be a
train happening in here, but you know.

But anyway, you know the cruise is
probably sitting there like, all right,

that's cool.

How much time do we got to film? How
much time do we got to burn?

Like 20 minutes? All right, cool.

You guys want a coffee or anything?

I'll run out. I'll wait for the next
airplane to pass.

Freaking Olympian pole vaulter.

You know, that is something I've noticed
sitting here.

All the ladies in here haven't really
been, you know, stacked.

Which I actually kind of like, which is
a lot better. It's a lot better than the

older videos that we've seen where they
all got big fake plastic pits.

I mean, if you like them, that's your
deal. I'm not a huge fan, honestly.

I prefer the more natural as it fits.
You know, if it fits you as a person, it

should be fine.

I also like how all the girls have been
keeping their shoes on.

And since I'm pretty sure there's going
to be at least one lesbian scene in

here, I'm wondering if they're both
going to keep their shoes on.

Seriously, from like too many angles,
she looks like Mary Jane from Spider

Sam Raimi's Spider -Man.

That's who directed it.

I wish I knew that actress's name.

Seriously, you would think they'd add
out the lawnmower in the background. Is

that, like, it's not me, is it?

Like, I don't have a lawnmower cruising
around out here.

I'm just hearing things.

Everyone's going to be commenting, what
the fuck are you talking about

lawnmower?

That's an airplane.

They certainly must be recording, like,
right next to the goddamn airport.

I think IMDB actually has their studio.

Oh, yeah, they do have a filming
location.

I'm going to have to Google that here
and see if it's right next to an

I wonder if he's grunting like that
because he's frustrated.

Stop. Stop.

That's a fantastic shot right there.

Straight up Jon Snow's ass.

And yet more fucking... Now

that's the A again. Thought it said
something different.

Does she have a ring on?

I don't think it's a ring. I think it's
part of the bracelet.

It's like, man, watch it. You can take
someone out with that thing.

Yeah, definitely part of the bracelet.

Did one of them have a big plastic
sword?

I'm just noticing that right now.

The big old plastic Conan sword on the
ground like that.

I think that actually is Conan sword
too.

Airplanes.

I think the airplane count is like four
right now just for this scene alone.

Just, yeah, that right there, it's sexy.
Just put your hand in her face. Just

push her out.

Shut up, more White Walkers will come.

Tight Walkers.

That's it, just mash her face into the
rock.

That's... Boom, that's it. That's it.
You know, when I'm sitting there...

That's

all I want to say. Just bend her over,
mash her face into the rock, and then

just cover her mouth. That is the
sexiest thing you could ever do right

That Polly...

Not polyester.

Papermache. Whatever that's technically
called.

Papermache. Studio rock.

And there's a brick back there. Two
brick.

You can tell that rock's fucking hollow.

Well, the good news is I got Shakira out
of my head now.

Now I got freaking banana phone stuck in
there for some dumb reason.

You think that's horrible?

Listen, I know you got off like twice,
but I haven't done that yet, so I need

do some more shit.

We'll make a frickin' chair out of our
arms here to support a wounded person,

and then I'm just gonna keep fuckin' ya.

I mean, I know this is Jabba, but I am
actually quite impressed with his

stamina.

Goddamn time, dude.

Here comes the airplane.

Blip.

It's not that she wanted it. It's that
she's just getting tired.

We need better catchphrases.

No. You already came.

Stop.

No more.

Stop it.

Now you gotta, like, get dressed again.

And go... Well, I guess you gotta go to
sleep or something, because that's why

you came here in the first place.

That was a quick fade.

Thank you for meeting with me.

I am Daenerys, the unborn Targaryen,
Khaleesi, and Milf of Dragons.

Milf of Dragons? I've amassed an army to
secure my rightful place on the Iron

Bones. You see my army, and my dragons.

Show the cap. Yes!

Cap!

Your offer is tempting, Khaleesi. But
first you must make sure that you're the

rightful heir.

Did I not mention I have dragons?

Cap! Yes!

Your ex?

Meta -referencing.

Oh, straight to more fucking. At least
we got to see more cats first.

This one's actually kind of... They're
trying something new with the pan.

Through the silk.

And I ought to say, the penis toucher
dude.

Which, honestly, is kind of funny.

Probably the best actor so far.

Though his wig reminds me of one of
those powdered judge wigs.

Or frickin'

Pirates of the Caribbean.

What's -her -nuts -is -dad.

At least they can actually kiss, right?

There's already another airplane. Jesus
Christ.

Starting strong with the airplanes.

Airplanes.

I'm going to go Google this freaking
place.

You know one of these guys at the LARP
or something like that?

And that's probably where they got all
the equipment from.

I want to do Game of Thrones. I happen
to have a full cosplay set.

You what? Yeah, it's a thing I do in my
free time.

Where is Google Maps?

Dang it, phone.

There it is.

Oh,

look

at that.

It's a nice shot right there.

They got the arts together on this one.

Huh. Now let's see here.

Well, it's not next to the airport,
which is good to know.

But it is.

Hold on a sec.

That's next to Circus Circus.

And if you watch History Channel, Count
Customs is, like, right behind it, too,

apparently. I swore I saw something that
said Correctional Facility. Yep,

yep, right next to the Las Vegas
Community Correctional Center.

Woo!

That is a... That is a quite...

Huh, that is quite a, uh...

collection of things there.

Chippendales custom landscaping.

Should probably pay more attention to
the film here.

So looking up location where this thing
was set.

Surprised we don't hear gunshots from
people breaking out next door.

Got a cut there. Transition.

It's about to ask, why are knees red?
But you've just been sucking dick for

past, like, five minutes.

And then some, actually, if you really
want to be, uh...

Technical

about it.

Holy shit, he has like a

reverse hentai deck.

Like his balls are like 200 shades
darker than the rest of his dick.

That's funny.

I wonder if he just tans his junk.

Is that a barstool back there?

No, that's just a hanger thing.

There's a random bottle on the ground.

Your methods of diplomacy are...

Quite different though. I do like them.
I shall tell all my friends

There's

a nice pot back there

That's a nice steeper trunk, too.

I really hope knockoff Peter Dinklage
comes back.

I kind of want him to get laid. I'm
pretty sure I said that earlier.

But I do kind of want to see it, because
I want to have, like, say we saw Midget

in the video.

The little person, whatever we're
supposed to say.

Because,

like, in the

show, he gets all the ladies, right?
Like, that's his thing.

If I ever remember that you quoted, I
drink and I know thing.

Splash fuck bitches get money.

You know, I'm really surprised we
haven't seen anybody with a tramp stamp.

I mean, we've seen a few tattoos.

None of them have a tramp stamp. Did
that go out of style? I mean, it never

in style, really. But you know what I
mean.

It's probably become less popular.

They're actually cutting.

Transitioning, I guess, not cutting. Not
really jump cut.

There's a slight fade.

And another airplane.

I'm surprised she's not talking in, what
is it, Dothraki or something like that?

Like, thrown in some Dothraki lines.

Show the kitties again.

Let me see the cats.

Huh. Only about 15 minutes left.

Outside of the characters, it wasn't
really Game of Thrones. No one really

Well, outside of that one slave dude who
got shot in the face by Joffrey back

there. I mean, I'm assuming he's dead.

He got shot in the eye in the junk.

Though he didn't really sound like he
was in pain too much.

Yep, another helicopter.

I'm seriously surprised they did not
edit all those helicopter noises and

out.

There we go You know that's the first I
think the first

time we haven't announced that is an
unannounced come shot right there

What

are

we counting here What's going on?

What are you thinking of, my lord?

Oh, I'm making a mental list of who I'm
going to have killed and into whom I'm

going to feed the friends.

That's a little fucked up.

What's legal?

Nothing, my lord.

Nothing at all.

You are awesome.

Simply awesome.

Yes, I am awesome because I'm the king.

I am the king of the world.

See, like, they really wanted to bury
this. He should be dead.

Oh!

Shots fired.

Fake

-ass

bird.

Yeah, fake -ass bird.

Yep, yeah, it's a fake bird. Who gives a
shit?

Well, it looks like the wedding was
going to happen.

Rob and his wife and his mother sat and
watched and smiled, unaware of the

hideous betrayal that was about to take
place.

Yes. But then, all of the braggart... Is
she getting off to this? Of course.

And all of the surgeons, and even Gordon
himself.

Well, they all dropped their trousers.

Fuck yes!

Jerking themselves. They started
touching and yanking and poking

climax. Go on.

Steven went flying through the air. It
hit Talitha over and over and over

Yeah.

The women squirted. So many women.

So much bodily fluid.

Oh, no.

Markiplier, no.

A little too catchy.

Oh my god.

Womp womp.

Alright.

Porno logic.

Death by Bukkake. That is... You know
what?

That is something I swear would have
been in one of the hentai videos we do

the time. Not this one. But that... That
was fucking fantastic.

You know what?

Sex is boring as fuck in this thing.

The in -between little plot scenes.

Fan -fucking -tastic.

And holy crap, she had underwear on.

That's a first.

Apparently there's supposed to

be a second one.

What? And your shoes are coming off.

What the fuck is this?

Hold on. Her shoes came off.

She had underwear.

And now she's sucking on toes. This is
the most... What the fuck out of all

this? No one takes off their shoes.

No one has underwear. This is
ridiculous.

Yeah, suck those toes, Amanda Bynes.
Because that's what we like to see.

You know what?

She has a tramp stamp.

One of us has a tramp stamp.

Take the other shoes off so my OCD will
be okay.

That's good. Also, blue shirt here.

Not Miss Joffrey.

Just use your normal voice because your
accent sucks.

Like, it's the worst out of all these.

I do like her bra, though. It's nice. I
like that blue.

Is that a dildo?

Or is that a sword?

I think those are all dildos.

That is an iron throne made of dildos.

Like, I know they were calling it the
iron bone, but I was pretty sure those

were like, okay, whatever.

That is literally an iron throne made of
dildos.

I joke that they blew all the budget on
the exploding tightwalker,

but I'm pretty sure they blew all the
budget

on the literal throne made of dildos.

That is literally a throne made of
dildos.

And when did she take her clothes off?

That's right, we had another cat.

They're, like, learning, like, how to do
cuts as they, like, progress through

this.

That's thirsty. Okay, that's thirsty.

She's got dirty feet.

I don't like that

Where's Joffrey? Where did he fuck?

It's clearly a girl. Where did he fuck
off to?

Okay.

Sit. Let's do it.

I just see that stained glass window
thing again. I swear it's just like a

finger painting.

I wonder how long it took to make that
thing.

There's kind of a sword in there.

Most of those are distilled, though, so.

You need to breathe!

Jesus Christ, calm down!

You know, these two are like the only
two that I could think that's their

hair. Everyone else in this thing had to
be wearing wigs.

Well, maybe not the redhead one.

Frickin... Merida? Is it Merida from
Brave?

At least she's doing it. I was getting
worried there for a sec that she

do it.

She did say it earlier.

Move your hair to the other side so we
can see your face.

Even though we're going to pan down.

No, it's not going to happen, but I kind
of hope Joffrey comes in here and is

like, Mom, what the fuck?

It's my wife.

It's fucking sped.

Oh,

that one was doing it earlier with the
shark dude. He was playing with the toy.

Oh,

you're bringing back your shitty accent.
Wait, now I can tell.

Does she have a tramp stamp?

Oh, damn it.

Oh, oh, I don't think so.

She's got the one in the front.

I was designed to have your legs like
that.

I did like the fake bird, though. The
fake bird was pretty good as well.

The cats are definitely up there.

Though Mr.

Stark playing with his toy soldiers and
crap was probably my favorite.

The meta beginning was pretty good, too.
I can't tell. I can't tell.

Data before.

It's kind of boring.

Nothing to really commentate on that.

But those other scenes between, man,
that's fantastic.

That is fucking fantastic.

I like how she's getting her chin into
that, too. That's pretty good there.

Remember to breathe. Jeez.

Why'd you break character?

Y 'all are breaking character.

Don't like it.

Marjorie, maybe this is the first time
we've heard her name.

I know they're probably going to give
them all names in the credits, but like,

it's the first time we actually heard
it.