Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

BANDAI VISUAL, TOKYO FM DENTSU, TV ASAHI

and OFFICE KITANO Production

Now, I'll move the platform.

Hold your breath.

Please relax.

Producers: Masayuki MORI and Takio YOSHIDA

Cinematography by Katsumi YANAGIJIMA

Lighting Design by Hitoshi TAKAYA

Production Design by Norihiro ISODA

Sound Design by Senji HORIUCHI

Line Producer: Shinji KOMIYA

Music by Shin-ichiro IKEBE

Have you caught a cold recently?

Anyone in your family had cancer?

Written, Edited and Directed by Takeshi KITANO

Tell him to come himself next time.

It all began with a gangster film like this one.

¥10,000 cooperation fee every month?

Sign the contract?

You're full of shit, you dirty bastard.

That's right.

You refuse?

Damn right, you bastard.

Get out of town.

Gangster films like that are what Kitano does best.

Of all things, this dumb director

in his interviews here and abroad

proclaimed never to make another gangster film.

He's used to making gangster films

and had some box-office successes

but since he said he wouldn't

he simply can't make them anymore.

That said,

showing that violent scene doesn't make much sense.

In a return to more traditional Japanese cinema

like Ozu, idolized by directors like Wim Wenders,

Kitano decided to shoot the life of the common folk.

A heart-warming drama with no violence.

RETIREMENT

Happy Retirement.

From tomorrow you can do as you like.

Working for that company was everything.

I don't know what to do now.

Why? You have your wife.

You could do something for her.

Where's Mr. Takagi today?

We were drinking till just now

but he took off.

He probably thought you should go home early today.

Sure you only want tea?

Yes. I already ate.

Happy Retirement.

Where's Akiko?

Not home yet.

She's late.

I wonder what happened.

She always calls when she's going to be late.

What's the matter?

I'll go and check.

Something must have happened at the office.

But she's not a child anymore.

Is something wrong?

Who wants to see

a boring film spending 30 minutes

on just drinking liquor and tea!

Nowadays, terms like "common folk" and "sentiments" don't count much.

What remains are only the filthy rich and the poor.

Anyway, that man didn't look like a retiring, hard-working office worker.

More like an illiterate laborer!

And compared to Ozu's works

the film was also criticized for "lacking class."

For mainstream appeal, a love story is a must.

Kitano has not yet made a tearjerker love story.

That's it! That's what he can do!

THE DOOR OF RECOLLECTIONS

The idea was by a screenwriter we knew.

It's the story of a man who loses his memory

and the woman devoted to helping him regain it.

A story of love…

Remember this place?

I came here with my friends when I was a student.

We knew from where the Jōmon Period was derived,

but we had no idea about the origins of the Yayoi Period.

You were standing nearby.

"It's named after the town where a shell mound was found."

That's what you told us.

We were convinced you worked at the museum.

You showed us around here all day after that.

Only later did you tell me that you didn't work here.

You were just here on your day off.

But the screenplay was missing its second half.

We asked the writer about it.

He said he had lost his memory.

The project was aborted.

To begin shooting without a complete script

was absolutely ridiculous, and Kitano was again scolded.

But he didn't give up on making a tearjerker.

Then came the story of the artist, blinded in an accident, and his student

who helps him become the artist he once was.

A moving love story.

Sir.

The rain has turned the sky and sea gray.

We can come here on a sunny day.

The screenplay was flawless to the end.

But the production designer said

he had no idea how a painting by a blind artist should look.

We discussed it, but no one knew.

The project was aborted.

Why all these films about women so devoted to men?

Why not make films about men devoted to women?

So we decided to make a tragic love story

titled "The Chauffeur's Romance."

Your chauffeur's great. He always waits outside the car.

Well, he's kind of weird.

I tell him to wait in the car

but he waits outside.

Makes me feel guilty.

Maybe he likes you.

How can you say that?

You never know.

That would be a problem.

I agree.

It is a problem.

We thought so, too.

A chauffeur-and-princess romance

wouldn't get anywhere.

Something spicier.

A crook and a boutique girl might work better.

He's here again.

Another gangster character!

What we've been trying so hard to avoid!

What sort of films do people want to see?

Looking at the world film market,

ethnic and nostalgic pieces are popular.

A film reminiscing the mid-50s was a big hit in Japan.

The 50s to the 60s were Kitano's childhood years.

Kitano said, "Nobody knows that period better than me."

"I'll show you a real 50s piece." That's how it started…

What are you doing?

I'm taking this.

That's my car. You can't just take it.

Someone dropped it here.

What? I parked it here.

This car wasn't dropped here.

The car is parked here.

So it's yours?

Yes, so please…

What are you doing?

You bum!

I found it!

I parked it here.

Gimme money.

What are you saying?

Don't touch my car!

Help! Call the police!

Hey, you snob!

I say he found it!

Finder gets 20%.

Nonsense!

I'll settle for ¥2,000.

Scram.

I'll never come back to this dump!

COAL-TAR & RIKIDOZAN

Honey.

Don't strain your eyes. Eat this and go to bed.

Thanks.

Making him study outside to save on electricity!

To spend money on booze!

Why should a house painter study?

You paint houses because you didn't study!

What did you say?

I feed this family!

How dare you!

I work day and night

to earn your booze money!

I'll teach you!

You bitch!

Masao, go to bed.

I'm your husband!

Who do you think you are?

Wife beater!

You only care about the kids.

I'll show you who I am!

All you do is drink!

What did you say, bitch?

Who do you think you are?

I'm your husband.

Masao.

I made you rice balls.

Thanks, Mom.

Back to work!

Come on. Back to work!

Who was that?

The junk collector's son.

Remember? We beat him up.

A challenge to a duel.

COME TO PIPE FIELD AT 3:00

Which shall I choose?

Hurry up, I haven't got all day.

Come on. Just choose one.

That one?

Good boy. Here.

Jackpot.

There you go.

Should be bigger.

You chose it.

It's big.

Five yen. Pay up.

Give me five yen.

A 10-yen coin?

Here's your change.

Now go home.

But I…

Don't complain. Go on home.

Eat that and you'll get dysentery.

He's eating it.

You're so stupid. You'll die.

Die? Damn brats!

You go home, too!

Go on. Go home!

I said go home. Damn brats!

I am truly sorry for your loss.

Please take care.

What are you looking at?

Go to bed!

Bring the Rikidozan tights?

All you did was paint them black.

Did you bring the Sharp Brothers trunks?

Here.

What are those? They're bloomers!

They don't look anything like Rikidozan's tights.

Mine aren't like the Sharp Brothers either.

They're fine.

Well, let's begin.

Fight!

Rope break.

Move away.

Rope.

Move away.

Rope.

Fight.

Rope.

I said move away.

Rope, rope.

Move away, jerk.

One!

One! Two! Three!

What about the duel?

We'll show up.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Where's Mitsuo?

He chickened out.

He's such a coward.

I'll kill you all.

Now what?

He lives in that junk yard, doesn't he?

Let's take him there.

Hello!

Hello!

Coming.

Why are you crying?

Where did you find all this?

This coat and guitar are your dad's keepsakes.

1958

The right era

but the wrong place.

Poverty, discrimination and domestic violence…

Work instead of goofing off!

Good-for-nothing!

The bleeding will stop sooner or later!

He said he wouldn't shoot violence

but now he's gone too far!

Come to think of it

the genre standing out the most

are horror flicks, some even remade by Hollywood.

Hey, Kitano hasn't tried his hand yet with horror flicks.

We decided it was time.

NOH THEATER

For ages, we've had

a legend about a demon that attacks and eats people.

Well, it's only a legend.

But about 3 years ago

a headless body was found and struck fear around here.

Despite the make-up,

the face didn't look very scary.

And the title "Noh Theater" was horrible for a horror flick!

And why have girls in a school uniform and a bikini?

Some rumored it must be a comedy.

This scene confirms it.

Ouch!

Ouch!

Not again.

That, too, was a disaster.

Kitano had directed 12 films to date.

Only one has been a box-office hit.

Aiming for a hit… A new type of period piece!

No guns! Let's use swords.

Swordplay!

This will do the trick.

BLUE RAVEN: NINJA PART 2

Hey, hold it.

Easy now.

Don't kill him.

Throw him into the old well.

Yes, sir.

Let's see how long he'll last.

Is he dead?

Put the lid on.

Is that ninja still alive?

We haven't heard a sound.

He must be dead.

Open it.

It turned out there was nothing new about it.

How could such a mighty ninja get caught anyway?

Why was the attack so orderly?

And why wait, if jumping out the well was so easy?

Just like Zatoichi opening his eyes!

Someone suggested: why not shoot "Zatoichi 2"?

That was aborted.

In today's movies, CG is a must.

Considering Japan's CG technology,

we should try a sci-fi blockbuster taking place in a galaxy far, far away.

We all agreed.

THE PROMISED DAY

Yes, this should do.

Yes, sir.

Carry on.

Thank you, sir.

You're still here.

Hey.

Yes?

What's that?

Why is it moving?

Very strange.

There shouldn't be an asteroid there.

I know.

Astronomical Observatory.

Oh, Dr. Nakano.

Yes… We were just talking about that.

What?

An asteroid?

You confirm that?

Intersecting with Earth's orbit?

What? Within a week?

An asteroid is approaching Earth.

A common scenario.

In a Hollywood film,

a hero would appear and set an H-bomb on the asteroid,

like in a comic book.

But one scientist discovered

a human face on its surface.

Two of these would become the main characters.

These noodles are terrible.

I won't pay ¥800 for these.

I have an idea.

Let's use this.

Hey, waiter!

What the hell is this?

You serve cockroaches to your customers?

One moment. I'll call the owner.

Yeah, go get him.

Boss! Boss!

Hey.

Too many leeches like you around.

Hurry. Take it out.

Who are you calling a leech?

Take this, you bastard!

Hurry up.

Bastard!

Give it to him!

What are you doing?

Scumbag!

Get up!

Ready?

Boss!

There seems to be another complaint.

Ladies, something to say?

What's in this soup?

It's delicious.

Cockroaches, of course!

Thank you.

Please come again.

And that's how our story begins.

But it can only go so far with just two women.

So we decided to throw in some men.

Futoshi Kichijoji a.k.a. "Masaru"

and his double.

WELCOME TO HOPES (Higashi-Oizumi Politico-Economical Society)

Let me present some of

HOPES' activities.

Tokyo's Sanya district is named a UNESCO cultural heritage.

Hanayashiki becomes a national park.

HOPES has donated ¥500,000 for these causes.

¥200,000 for the Kagawa Buried Gold Project.

¥200,000 for the preservation of the Etchū-style loincloth.

¥300,000 to construct

Zorge Memorial Hall in Russia.

¥200,000 to reinstate

viper-mongoose fighting in Okinawa.

For the rescue of the seal in Tama River

and the humpback whale stranded off Chōshi,

HOPES donated ¥300,000.

The construction of Japan's Heavy Laborers' Memorial Hall…

The Peace Triangle Project

to connect Kagoshima, Takeshima Island and Senkaku Isles…

Promoting the independence of Hokkaido…

Returning Okinawa to the US…

A nuclear power plant in Tokyo Bay…

Establishment of the Miura Shooting Range in LA…

Launching of the Adachi Spy Satellite

to deter crime in Tokyo…

The passing of the Hair Piece Law to ban fake hair…

That's how HOPES has greatly contributed

to Japan's culture and safety.

Please welcome HOPES Honorary Chairman

Daizen Higashi-Oizumi

who'll speak to you on this happy occasion.

You!

What are you laughing at?

How could you laugh during this solemn ceremony?

Straighten up, you pathetic fools!

Don't you realize the future of Japan lies on your shoulders?

How dare you laugh at such trifle matters?

If you laugh again, you're doomed.

Gentlemen.

Look straight into my face.

You there.

And you.

I said look!

Now please look this way.

From the moment your wife puts on these undies,

your dull sex life will change dramatically.

Transform into a beast, transcend time

and sink into ecstasy!

You'll be having sex like newlyweds.

"Darling, I can't wait for night-time."

"Oh, please… I'll cook anything you want."

Fools! I told you not to laugh.

Don't laugh!

Don't!

Alright. Now look down.

Look down!

Down!

Alright, boys. It's raffle time!

First Prize is a color TV.

Good luck for the turn of the wheel!

Hold on.

Come out. Come out.

Patience is gold.

There!

What a pity.

5th Prize is a pack of tissues.

No golden balls in the wheely!

You!

What's so funny?

Alright. You can look up now.

Don't laugh.

Don't laugh!

What happened?

Are you alright?

Yes.

You jumped out of nowhere.

I'm so sorry.

Let's go to the hospital.

I'm alright.

Really, I'm fine.

One thing, though.

My foot hurts.

Beg your pardon?

My foot hurts.

Some medicine money.

Medicine money?

- Yes. - I see.

Here…

¥1,000.

Let's part with a smile.

- Thank you. - Smile.

Take care.

Thanks.

Be careful.

An accident faker!

Get hit by car, an expensive one.

You do it!

You're younger.

Here comes one.

Damn. It turned!

What are you doing? Silly girl!

It came from behind.

Kichijoji.

How come only you became a doll?

I wanna be one, too.

I'm an embarrassment.

What's that?

They must be rich.

That's it.

Welcome home, sir.

Must be the house owner.

The one in the student uniform must be his son.

But he looks like a doll.

High class people look as dignified as dolls.

You fool!

You still don't understand?

Don't ride my pony.

Sir, a call from Haguro Tradings.

Got the money?

Hello. Did you get the 200 million yen?

I'll send someone right away.

Hey, Kichijoji.

Get the money from Haguro. Take it to Professor Ide.

Where's the chauffeur?

Chauffeur!

Bathroom, perhaps?

Pull him out!

I can drive.

Junior, it's dangerous.

I want to drive.

Junior, don't go.

Junior.

Please don't do that.

He is the son.

Two morons from HOPES will come and pick up the money now.

HAGURO TRADING, INC.

Are you the morons from HOPES?

Yes!

Get the money.

Yes!

I couldn't get it.

Excuse me.

Who the hell are you?

Ouch.

Ouch.

You're really terrific, Kameda.

Cool! Like a Matryoshka doll.

Ouch.

SUBMARINE

I am Professor Ide.

That hurts.

Sorry. Used your gag.

Money from Mr. Chairman.

Thank you.

I can develop a new project.

You're very sharp. You noticed that.

That robot performed well at the Gulf.

Want to see its performance?

Here it comes. Look!

Look at that!

It's super.

It's just great!

The robot might seem bigger than it actually is.

Don't be ridiculous.

Actually, there's something else I want you to see.

Let's go. This way.

I am Professor Ide.

Okay.

Use this and give me the cross ball.

The ball is passed to Kichijoji.

Here comes the cross ball.

Waits for the ball, and it's a bicycle-kick.

Goooooal!

What a miracle shot!

It's a goal.

Hey, wasn't that terrific?

I named it Mr. Bicycle-kick.

Coach Osim.

Choose me for the national team.

No need for praise.

Come see another one.

Shall we go?

Huh?

Hey, Mrs. Koenji.

We know you're inside.

We're from Daikoku Finance.

At least pay the interest.

Hey.

PAY YOUR DEBTS

I'll kill you, bitch.

We're no ordinary loan sharks.

Sell your kidney or liver.

We ain't doing this for charity.

Pay or else you'll be insured and killed in the Philippines.

We know you're in there.

Come out.

Murderer!

Pay up!

You thief!

Pay your debts!

Pay back your debts!

Come out.

Thief!

Want more notices?

We weren't recognized.

How come?

They're so dumb.

We used our heads.

White rice with mayonnaise.

A perfect Japanese meal!

Want some?

No barking, no food.

C'mon. Say woof.

Say woof.

Then, shake.

Shake.

Come forward.

Front thrust.

Begin.

Begin.

Begin.

Damn!

Begin.

Do it right.

Begin.

Master Kichijoji is with us today.

He will instruct you.

First, he will show you his iron fist.

Please begin, sir.

Master, so sorry.

I said to use the thin one!

Sir, once more.

Sorry, sir. Once more.

Sorry, Master.

Straight in front, I told you.

Master, are you alright?

So sorry. So sorry.

Master, I can't breathe.

So sorry, Master.

Next, Master Kichijoji will give individual lessons.

Master, choose anyone you like.

Mitaka, you've been chosen.

Don't worry. He understands.

I said go easy, you fool.

A little easy.

Think, dammit!

So sorry.

If you can't beat them, join them.

So sorry.

Winning isn't everything.

So sorry.

Look before you leap.

So sorry.

Let sleeping dogs lie.

So sorry.

Sometimes both sides lose.

So sorry.

Don't drink and drive.

So sorry.

Never too old to learn.

I am so sorry.

This coffee's terrible.

I won't pay for it.

Let's use this again.

What's wrong with this coffee?

The spoon melted.

Oh, you're back.

What happened to your arm?

You got injured in karate?

You're training yourself so hard for me.

Thank you.

Mr. Kichijoji, a woman came and left this for you.

A letter from a woman?

Read the letter.

What's wrong with you?

Dear sir, please forgive me for this abrupt memo.

My name is Kumiko Koenji.

After meeting the other day,

my daughter, Kimiko, became quite interested in you.

We would like to meet you.

Please come to the Arc de Triomphe at 2 p.m. on the 10th.

To the gentleman in the school uniform.

You're a man, after all.

It's good to be liked by women.

What's wrong?

Wait. Wait!

Wait. Wait. Wait!

For the future of Japan,

we need a man like you.

Have your own family.

Live for the future of Japan. It's the right thing to do.

Marry this woman as a favor to me.

Think of me as your father.

Please do it for me.

Oops, wrong arm.

Wrong arm again.

I wonder if he knows about women?

How does he usually spend his time?

He should know how to make babies.

You never know.

He's full of surprises.

Oh, yes. Get Dr. Rhythm Method.

When a male reaches adolescence,

sperm will normally be made in the testicles,

where they mature

and wait for ejaculation.

Intercourse takes place by inserting the male sex organ into that of the female.

Female sex organ!

Piston movements of the hips

cause rhythmic friction

and the male ejaculates in ecstasy.

Ejaculate!

The sperm in the semen head for the uterus

and the ovum is

fertilized.

Fertilized!

Thus, a baby is made.

Basically, come inside and you make a baby.

Come inside!

That's how it goes.

My name is Kumiko Koenji.

After meeting the other day,

my daughter, Kimiko, became quite interested in you.

We would like to meet you.

Please come to the Arc de Triomphe at 2 p.m. on the 10th.

To the gentleman in the school uniform.

Hey, where's Kichijoji?

He left 2 days ago.

He isn't back yet?

The meeting's tomorrow.

It's strange.

Where's the meeting going to be?

At the Cafe Arc de Triomphe.

Don't tell me

he went to the real Arc de Triomphe in France.

Why is he late?

Did he really go to France?

Yes, he said he'd be back soon.

Call the young lady.

Engagement ritual.

It's good.

Why are we taking the train?

The house in Setagaya must be his second house.

He did mention a "main" house.

It must be like a palace.

A palace!

A palace.

Oh, a box lunch.

Thank you very much.

He's quite sweet.

He is.

What's this?

Nothing for me?

Damn you.

Stingy.

Go to hell.

Mom, I was wondering…

Remember the noodle shop?

Why were masked men there?

How should I know?

And…

What?

When we tried to fake an accident,

a small truck ran into me.

That driver…

Why did he fall out the truck?

How should I know?

It's his fault.

Mom?

Is this a train or a truck?

Which is it?

Stop asking me.

Ask him.

When things get rough, he becomes a doll.

He's creepy.

Watch out.

Where the hell is your house?

I don't believe this.

Watch out.

Who is he?

Why is he there?

Watch out.

What the hell is wrong with this boat?

How long must we walk?

It's so far.

Just one lonely road with nothing around.

You've come home!

Is that your bride?

Excuse me, is he…?

He's my son.

You must meet his father.

Where is your house?

See that over there?

You live in a palace?

No, the one in front.

That dirty one?

Yes.

Dear, Futoshi's bride is here.

We'll have the wedding today.

I'll go over to the neighbor's.

I don't see any houses around.

Is this the bath?

There are no walls.

No one will see.

I can't bathe here.

Get in.

No way.

I won't.

It feels good.

I can be seen from any direction.

Get in.

Wow. It feels good.

Told you.

What's with this light?

It just came on.

Say, Mom…

Why are you wearing those?

Because they were there.

I'm sick and tired of this work.

Let's run away tonight.

How?

When he's taking a bath.

It'll work, if he's not around.

There he is.

In the tub.

Mom…

Why is he in a school uniform?

Because he's stupid.

He's so weird.

Don't worry. We can hit him with firewood.

Put in more firewood.

Cook him.

This is bad.

Run.

Run.

What was that?

The Terminator.

Do you know who I am?

I am Professor Ide.

I am so funny.

What? Your woman ran off?

So let's go after her.

I have a rocket.

Come this way.

Now, in high spirits!

One, two, three, four.

ROCKET LAUNCH SITE

All halt!

One, two.

Look at it.

It's great. It's great. It's great.

It's going to fly, fly, fly.

10 seconds to launch.

Nine, eight…

Oh, I forgot to close the door.

Once again.

Five seconds to launch.

Four, three,

two, one.

Blast off!

I am an alien from outer space.

Takeshi, remember this?

It's been eight years since KIKUJIRO.

I am an alien from outer space.

Sorry. Once again.

OK. Let's fly.

Three, two, one.

Blast off!

Something fell over there.

What was it?

Who cares what fell?

Why are you wearing my clothes?

You're wearing mine, too.

Couldn't you tell?

Look at you. You've even got a ribbon on.

I am Professor Ide.

Attempting to escape is futile.

Torpedo.

Fire!

Submerge.

That sign seems to be following us.

DAIKOKU FINANCE

I am Professor Ide.

Hurry, hurry.

Taxi. Taxi.

I am Professor Ide.

Driver, step on it.

To the police station!

Hurry.

To the police station!

We found them. We're pursuing them now.

Put your mind at ease.

How's it kicking, Kichijoji?

I am kicking.

If we are kicking, we will catch them soon.

Please enjoy the ride.

Let's do the usual. Please repeat after me.

Let's kick it!

One, two, three, d-a-a-a-h!

Thank you.

Hurry. Help!

Help!

Now, let's take the field.

Advance! Kill them all.

What is it?

Over there.

That?

Good boy.

Rocket Punch.

Prepare to attack.

Ready.

Fire!

Don't mind.

It's ready.

That should do it.

LEFT ARM

Ouch.

Ouch.

I want to be with him.

What?

Do you really mean that?

Yes, I do.

It's beautiful.

Maybe, people need a life like this.

A shooting star?

Doctor, how's my brain?

Broken.

Beat Takeshi

Tohru EMORI

Kayoko KISHIMOTO

Anne SUZUKI

Kazuko YOSHIYUKI

Narrator: Masatoh IBU

Subtitles: Jeanette AMANO, Richard LORMAND