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[MUSIC PLAYING]

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: My dad died today.

When I was five, I was on this pier

with him asking what came

first, the chicken or the egg?

He told me to bugger off.

Then he grabbed me and chucked me high into the air.

It was dead kush.

It felt like I was flying with the seagulls,

so I made him do it over and over until his arms

nearly fell off.

And Mom said I really was her angel now.

But soon after, Dad got made with

for the second time, and he never chucked us in the air

ever again or told me stuff like what

he shot in the ,, put the bob in the bob.

Dad soon forgot all about that day on the pier,

but I never did.

I just had to be up there flying around in it,

an angel among the seagulls.

It's amazing the things you'll do

to get what you want even when your dad's always in a temper.

I mean, the last thing I did was to put in a job application

to the Archangel Gabriel, because I figured

he was probably in charge of recruitment and personnel

and whatnot.

I didn't realize what I actually had

to do was to get my dad to pick me up and chuck me in the air

just one more time.

Granddad, what does eschatology mean?

Escha-what?

Eschatology.

I'll stop you going in that shop.

Leave your granddad alone.

He hasn't had his sausage yet.

Do you have to do that here?

What time's your appointment?

I don't know.

Jesus Christ.

Can I have a note for games?

No, you can't have a note for games, and hurry up.

You're going to be late.

Dad?

Listen, when I was your age, I was running for the county.

But I've got a bad foot.

You'll get a bad foot right up your backside.

I think he's clinically depressed, don't you?

Clinically depressed?

Not much clinical about your dad.

Just try and be more patient, will you?

It's not easy for him.

Go on, gives us a note, Mom.

Bugger off, will you?

I'm late as it is.

Do you have to work at Fat Sam's?

I'm thankful for small mercies.

See you.

Dear Mr. Ellison, Jimmy cannot do games--

Sorry.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

I've warned you, Sproat.

And what is it this time, spud?

My kits still in the wash, sir.

Well, then you will have to clean those toilets.

Away, lads.

Dickhead.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: Things had been really boring for ages.

All Dad did was cough his guts out.

And all Mom did was get in a knock.

Excuse me, sir?

Mr. Spence, the doctor will see you now.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: If I'd been Dad,

I would've gotten a divorce.

Come to think of it.

If I'd been Mom, I would've got a divorce as well.

Granddad had no one that he ,,

except his pigeons.

I couldn't ever imagine him divorcing them.

All I could do is hope Gabriel got a move

on with my job application.

Otherwise, I was seeing myself getting one of those where you

divorce your mom and your dad.

[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC]

GABRIEL: Now, look, if you're really

serious about this application, I need some personal details.

Date of birth.

Aren't you supposed to know this already?

GABRIEL: Do you want to be an angel, Jimmy?

20th of September, 1989.

GABRIEL: Occupation?

Still a boy.

Marital status-- or for goodness sake.

I don't normally do applications.

This form's clearly meant for someone older.

Ah, here we are.

Health status.

Hereditary illnesses or formal debilities?

I had mumps as a toddler.

GABRIEL: Annual income of household?

I don't know.

GABRIEL: Well, give me a ballpark figure.

JIMMY: Well, my dad's an unemployed welder.

My mum's a chip and my granddad's a pensioner.

GABRIEL: Are your parents happy, Jimmy?

I don't know.

Did anyone ever touch you as a child?

Make you do anything you didn't want to do?

Get lost.

GABRIEL: Hey.

I'm just trying to get an overview here.

It wouldn't disqualify you anyways.

Don't get all shirty with me.

I wasn't getting shirty.

GABRIEL: We have to ask.

Standard procedure.

I'm completely normal, OK?

GABRIEL: I don't suppose you keep a diary, do you?

Should I?

Oh, it might have come in handy.

Good.

Well, I'll put this through the system, then I'll be in touch.

Wait.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: Gabriel looked a bit weak to me,

and he was a lot older than in them

paintings where he's telling Mary about giving

birth to Jesus and that.

In fact, he looked older than my dad even,

so I thought angels must get the age a bit,

or maybe it was an optional thing.

I suppose it could get a bit boring to be

the same for all eternity.

MOM: I've left yours on the side, OK?

DAD: All right. Thanks.

MOM: You'll have to give that up for a start.

One bit of comfort I get in this life.

MOM: They don't send you to hospital for nothing.

DAD: Where the hell do you think you're going?

Upstairs.

No, you're bloody well not.

Come around here like freaking Jesus.

What's happened to your trousers?

I fell over.

You'll have to start taking balancing lessons.

He's ripped the ass out of them.

It's just a nick.

Has someone been knocking you around, Jimmy?

No.

What do you mean no?

How'd you got in that state?

Caught them on a spoke.

Catch you on a bloody spoke.

Did you hit them back?

Never anybody.

I caught it on a spoke in the changing rooms.

Sitting duck now, Jimmy.

You know that, don't you?

Dad, nobody did nothing.

Are you all right, Jimmy?

If you made more of an effort in games,

you wouldn't have these problems.

Where the hell do think I'd be if I just stood around

and let people rip me pants?

Come here.

Say someone's coming at you, what do you do?

You have to block, son.

Come on.

That's it.

Faster, Jimmy.

Dad, nobody hit us.

Oh, Jimmy.

Stop it.

You'll never get anywhere with that attitude.

Come on, man, defend yourself.

Ow.

Shit.

Look what you've done now.

MOM: For Christ's sake, what's going on in here?

You stupid bastard.

MOM: What the hell did you do that for?

DAD: Just teaching him to defend himself.

MOM: For Christ's sake, Peter, you've

got to get a hold of yourself.

Get yourself out or something.

You could have put his eye out.

Don't be ridiculous.

This little fellow has won me a bob or two in his time.

He's been out of sorts the last couple of weeks now.

So, lad, nothing interesting at school this week?

No.

That's a pity.

Come on, little fellow.

Cup of tea, Jimmy.

No, thanks, Granddad.

Hey.

Shouldn't you be in school?

It's Saturday.

Dimwit.

I thought you were staying at home with your dad?

Just try and be more patient with him, will you?

Here, take these.

Now, bugger off.

You'll get us into trouble.

I'll see you later.

Beans?

No, mission peas.

See you.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: I spent most of my time

wondering how long it took to sort

out the angel applications.

Was there a separate department just for that,

or was there one big office with loads of desks dealing

with everything, including prayers

and final judgments and stuff?

I hoped it wasn't like the office,

where they keep asking you more and more questions

and make you fill in more and more forms

till you're so sick of the whole business you give up.

Which is what they want you to do in the first place.

Am I am in then?

Not yet.

Your general knowledge isn't too hot.

So I need to just get a few ethical points.

It is standard procedure.

Right.

What do you think of the most pernicious obstacles

to leading a moral life?

What?

GABRIEL: What do you think's really bad?

Tidying my room.

Mr. Bean.

I hate Mr. Bean.

GABRIEL: Things that are really evil, Jimmy.

Like Hitler?

Why did you apply Jimmy?

Thought it would be kush.

Kush?

Yes.

Helping people, flying around everywhere and that.

GABRIEL: Maybe you're too young for all this.

What do you mean?

In the olden days, by the time people were my age,

they were miners and sailors and stuff.

Some of them even had babies.

Not strictly true.

My dad would be dead proud.

Yes, but can you handle the responsibility?

Is that the wrong answer?

Well, that's just it.

It isn't a simple case of right and wrong.

Why not?

OK, Jimmy, for the last time, why

do you want to become an angel?

To save people.

From what?

From themselves.

From each other.

From the intolerable burden society

puts upon their shoulders with its pernicious

institutions, which lure them into a false sense

of hope and security.

That would be kush, hm?

Yeah.

Well, I'll be in touch.

Just don't get your hopes up.

Where's ?

Norway.

MOM: Who the hell's been phoning Norway?

DAD: Got an order for a new rig and their short on welders.

MOM: And?

DAD: You have to pay your own fare to get there.

GRANDDAD: They'll be asking you to supply your own tools next.

MOM: How the hell are we going to pay the phone bill?

DAD: How the hell am I supposed to find work.

MOM: Sit down.

Dinner's not finished yet.

We'll be a civilized family at least once a week.

I just wanted to see what was on the telly.

MOM: Never mind the telly.

Get yourself back here now.

There's a documentary about Josef Mengele on Channel 4

at half past 7:00.

Who?

Josef Mengele.

He was a Nazi doctor at Auschwitz, the angel of death.

We're not watching that on a Saturday night.

Why not?

Because I'm watching "Blind Date" at half past 7:00.

Mom.

The opiate of the billy masses, is that.

Christ, here we go.

More .

If ever there was an example of a pernicious institution

that society uses to lull people into a false sense

of hope and security--

MOM: One bit of comfort I get around here.

There's "Swan Lake" late on BBC too.

You've got to be joking?

I like a bit of ballet.

We're not watching it, and they're all puffs.

How do you know?

Oh, for Christ's sake, Jimmy.

,, Jimmy, them fellows are as tough

as any in the shipyards. - Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I saw the Bolshoi in Brighton at the--

Bolshoi bollocks.

We're watching "Blind Date" and that's that.

They'll rot their minds with this drivel,

but do they listen?

What about high rise housing?

I predicted that back in the 60s.

Oh, give it a rest, Dad.

He doesn't want to hear you wittering on.

I do.

What was that for?

For being clever.

I wasn't being clever.

Yeah, but you thought you were.

GRANDDAD: I've told you about them fags.

Paying to bloody well kill yourself.

For Christ's sake.

- Where you going? - Down the club.

I'm not staying here with chairman Mao

running down me .

Here.

Take my tickets for the meat draw.

Where are you going?

Nowhere.

Well, I put your case to the lads upstairs,

and although you're no moral philosopher,

your overall spiritual coefficient's no bad at all.

What does that mean?

Well, you can forget being for a start.

But seeing its exceptional circumstances and all

that, we've had a little confab, and you've been accepted

on a sort of traineeship.

Oh.

Hey, I stuck my neck right for you.

What do I have to do for it?

I'm sorry.

I can't tell you.

You see, that's the whole point.

We have to see how you react to different situations,

just for a trial period.

If you prove worthy, you get the halo right away,

no questions asked.

You screw up, game's over.

What do you reckon?

Well, can I have a harp?

Well, I'm afraid harps are reserved for cherubs only.

I could rustle up maybe a trumpet, something like that.

I'll start you out with wings, all that other nonsense

in the fullness of time.

If you'll just sign here.

Any questions?

Well, does God exist?

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't possibly say.

But you're the arch angel Gabriel.

Exactly.

It's classified.

Thank heaven for small mercies, young man.

How will I know if I've passed?

You'll know.

Who you talking to?

No one.

What are you reading?

Nothing.

The doctrine of death, judgment,

heaven and hell, the present significance

of this in Christian life.

Eschatology.

You wanted to know what eschatology meant.

Why?

Thanks, Granddad.

Harold.

Hey.

Slimy bastard.

So what do you reckon?

I don't know.

Come on, look at the perspective on that.

Well, they're fantastic, Peter.

I mean, if they were lasses with big knockers in a g-string,

there might be some kind of market for them around here.

Attention, please.

The first prize in the next draw is a lovely leg of lamb.

Just look at that greasy bastard.

And it goes to 240.

Yeah.

Norman Banks.

Third bollocking week in a row,

Listen, Peter, there's not much doing just in the minute.

I have heard rumors that

might be needing welders in a month or two, but, well,

.

Our winner is--

eyes on your tickets, ladies and gentlemen.

[NOISES]

DAD: What are you on about?

I only had two pints.

Where's old Jimmy?

GRANDDAD: What happened at the meat draw?

MOM: He's gone to bed. What's that?

DAD: Jimmy?

Norman Banks won a leg of lamb.

GRANDDAD: What?

Come here, son.

The month's report.

- Leave him be. - Jimmy?

MOM: It's 11:30.

Leave him be.

You can't stand this sort of thing week after week.

What you always wanted, eh?

I don't know.

Come on, think.

GRANDDAD: I've been putting into that raffle for five years.

A violin.

No, not a bloody violin.

Dictionary?

Come on, not a dictionary.

What any normal kid would give their right arm for.

I don't know.

An encyclopedia.

And more by

A full United strip with tracksuit.

Look, it's the full ,, that is.

Where'd you get that from?

It's knocked off, isn't it?

Bought it off Wrigley.

Then it's definitely knocked off.

Ta.

Give it here.

Is that all you can say?

Ta?

You can take it back where it came.

DAD: Give him back his present.

MOM: I'm not having stolen goods in this flat.

What about the telly?

Give him back his football strip.

I don't want it.

You're bloody well having it.

I don't you want a football strip.

I'll thump you in a minute.

Ignorant sot.

Stuff the bloody football strip.

MOM: Leave that. I'll do it in the morning.

GRANDDAD: Oh, it's no bother.

You go on up to bed.

Go on, back to bed.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: In no time at all,

I was really beginning to get the hang of it,

going higher and higher, further and further each time.

I knew things were going really well because suddenly

something kush happened.

I was all puffed up with the flying,

so I stopped for a breather and out of absolutely

nowhere, granddad's dead pigeon appeared right next of us.

It just had to be a sign from above.

So when it flew away, I took off right after it.

He hovered around for a bit, and then I found a perch

at the very tip of the tallest in the yard,

because I knew that otherwise just a

was my job to keep a sharp lookout.

No one seemed to notice, so I waited

and waited for him to come back up, but he never came.

Then suddenly, I realized he must have been drowning.

So I swooped into the river like a dipper bird.

I could hardly believe it.

It was horrible.

I grabbed him, but he was dead slippery,

plus I was just a trainee and that, and I could hardly see.

I was like dancing but without any floor.

Then I realized I was drowning too.

I was all dizzy and wobbly, and my lungs were bursting,

and all I could feel was his body and the pitch black.

Then all of a sudden, we rushed up like a gun going off,

and we burst through to the surface.

And he was safe, and then he said--

Are you really an angel?

I'm a trainee.

You're wearing a dress.

It's my uniform.

You won't tell my dad, will you?

I better go.

Thanks for saving my life like.

Maybe I could show you a few knots sometime?

Yeah, if you want.

See you next week then.

See you.

You're wearing a dress.

And your wet.

Of course, I'm wet.

Didn't you see us?

I just saved a boy scout.

Really?

Yeah.

Really.

So you better write this up in your report.

That should do the trick.

Prove I'm worthy.

It was really kush.

I was flying around everywhere and I saw him go in the river,

so I dived right off the top of the

and I swooped down.

It was amazing.

Any witnesses?

No.

Yes, the boy scout.

Doesn't count.

Why?

There has to be a third party.

Now, I'm not saying you didn't do what you said you did,

but in those situations when the adrenaline is pumping,

it's easy to get carried away a little bit.

Know what I mean?

What?

Are you telling me this really doesn't count?

Afraid not.

I just done the most amazing rescue.

You should have been there.

I mean, where were you?

You're supposed to be ??

Look.

I'll tell you what.

I'll make a note of it.

But it can't be an official entry.

But I nearly bloody drowned.

It's a good thing you didn't.

Next time, why don't you try something

a little less ambitious?

It can create a better impression.

Yeah, well.

I could be waiting for ages.

GABRIEL: Hey.

Why aren't you wearing the new United shirt?

I wouldn't be seen dead in it.

You're an atheist, aren't you, grandad?

GRANDAD: Well, if there was a god,

why would it be war and disease and kids starving?

So all war and stuff means that there's no god.

GRANDAD: Well, you tell me.

Can there still be miracles if there's no god?

The only miracle around here will be when

you shut up for 30 seconds.

Listen, son.

Christianity is a complete bloody mess.

For a start, Jesus was Jewish.

Do Jews believe in God?

You'll have to ask a Jew.

JIMMY: Do I know any Jews?

Go upstairs and tidy your room, Jimmy.

JIMMY: I did it this morning.

What if God exists, but he doesn't want

us to know that he does exist?

So he pretends that he doesn't.

Uh, ya what?

What if God's just pretending not to exist?

Jimmy.

Go upstairs.

I want to talk to your mum.

What do you think, Dad?

Upstairs, Jimmy.

Now. JIMMY: Why?

I only want to know .

For Christ's sake, will you never do as you're told?

I think God's a right bastard, OK?

My test came back today.

There's tumors all over my left lung.

Are they absolutely sure?

He showed us the X-rays.

Oh, God, Peter.

Well, we're not to despair, son.

They can perform miracles these days, you know?

Oh, aye.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

JIMMY: Why can't you save him?

GABRIEL: It's not that simple, son.

It's not even my job.

I've been running around like a blue horse fly as it is.

JIMMY: You're not much of an archangel, are you?

GABRIEL: I'm not omnipotent, you know.

JIMMY: Well, can't God save him?

GABRIEL: I can't answer that.

JIMMY: Why?

Is it classified?

Maybe he thinks my dad's not worth it.

Is that what you think?

Is it true you're Jewish?

Well, that's a fascinating question.

Just tell me if my dad's going to get better.

I'm afraid I really don't know.

Well, my granddad says doctors can

perform miracles these days.

The plateau of Nauru is largely composed of rock

phosphate, leeched from guano.

Can anyone tell me what guano is?

STUDENT: Shit soup.

[LAUGHTER]

TEACHER: Bird droppings.

These droppings cover almost 70% of the island.

And were at one time over 30 meters thick.

Why, that's a load of shit sir.

Thank you, Sproat.

But this shit--

[CHEERING]

This deposit of guano is actually

a very valuable commodity.

A rich, natural--

Jimmy, pass .

TEACHER: Fertilizer, that formed the basis

of this island's economy.

Hitherto this discovery was considered, economically

at least, very unimportant.

[INTERPOSING VOICES]

Picture of your mum.

TEACHER: --on Nauru is among the highest

in the world. - Go on, Jimmy.

Give it to her.

Go on, give it to her.

TEACHER: Current rates of extraction--

I'm disappointed with you, Spud.

Very disappointed.

Detention.

[LAUGHTER]

[DISTANT HELICOPTER SOUND]

DAD: Oi.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Nothing.

Thought you were going out.

I am.

Well, go on then.

Bugger off.

Hello.

JIMMY: You found us all right?

Yeah, recognize your face.

This isn't the full you know.

.

Finish them off.

Brought another packet.

Thanks very much.

Do you see lots of people?

Not really.

You're the only one so far.

Told your dad?

He's got cancer.

Did you tell yours?

BOY: He's dead.

Maybe I Keep an eye out for you and that.

What for?

Well, you never know.

We might even be able to do something about your dad.

But not tell anybody

I promise.

It's what the angels do.

It's meant to be good for you, being kissed by an angel.

You're my guardian angel?

Is it all right to see your wings?

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: My brain said no, but my mouth said--

OK.

Not here, though.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: As usual, Gabriel was nowhere to be

seen when I really needed him.

I knew I was about to breach the angels' official secrets act.

So in desperation, I fired off a silent prayer.

And someone must have heard, because--

Are you wearing your pants?

Because I'm a Muslim.

We're not allowed to look at another person's body

unless they're wearing their pants.

Wow.

JIMMY: What do you reckon?

BOY: They're lush.

Soft soft.

JIMMY: Fluffy?

BOY: Can you flap them for me?

[FLAPPING SOUNDS]

Hang on.

I'll take me top off.

JIMMY: I'm not sure you should.

BOY: It's all right, man.

I'm a boy scout.

OK.

JIMMY: What's it like?

BOY: It tickles.

Can you not flap them faster?

JIMMY: No, man.

I'd take off.

[SOUND]

What was that?

I think I'd better go home now.

BOY: But I haven't even shown you any knots yet.

Don't forget your promise.

You're not to tell anybody about my wings.

BOY: I won't. - See you.

Honest.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: Apparently, some bloke

from the Salvation Army said that the devil

had all the best tunes.

But then Shakespeare reckoned that music

was the food of love.

Well, everyone knows the devil doesn't have any love.

And love can cure anything.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

What the hell's this?

It's Handel. GRANDAD: That old crank.

MAM: What do you fancy for supper, pet?

Turn it down.

GRANDAD: It's bloody murder.

It's good. GRANDAD: Get it?

Handel.

Old crank.

Turn it off, Jimmy.

I cannot concentrate with that blaring away in my ear.

GRANDAD: You have no appreciation

of the finer things in life.

MAM: You want some fish fingers or frozen pizza?

Whatever.

Jimmy, I'm warning you.

MAM: Or there's chicken pieces.

They need eatin' up.

Oh, for Christ's sake.

Bugger the chicken pieces.

GRANDAD: I was listening to that.

Nobody was listening to anything.

It's like in here.

Careful with my CD.

DAD: Here.

Take your bloody CD.

Fucking hell.

Look at that.

That's my first proper commission,

gone for a fucking burn.

I'll skip tea, sweetheart.

I think I'll have a lie down.

Sorry, dad.

Sorry.

It's all right, love.

Why you sitting here?

GRANDAD: I was just thinking.

Are you crying?

I was thinking this place is just a bit small for all of us.

I hate them.

No you don't.

Will he go to heaven?

He's not dead yet, Jimmy.

Grandad.

Is it true that if you believe in something enough

you can make it happen?

Maybe.

Can I tell you something?

Go on.

I'm training to be an angel.

That's good.

And I've got a friend who I saved.

Oh, aye?

Aye.

He's a boy scout.

Your dad was a boy scout.

Kush, yeah.

Well, good luck with the training.

You won't tell anybody, will you?

If you won't tell anyone you saw me crying.

Not a soul.

ANNOUNCER [TV]: Way to go, John Robson.

He's got a great face, and he's really enjoying himself.

As he should be.

ANNOUNCER [TV]: For the last three holes,

averaging the 16th is 4.6.

The 17th is getting on for almost 6.

Did you know that Gabriel dictated the Quran to Muhammad?

You mean .

Same difference.

I found out that there's angels everywhere.

Even in Africa.

When somebody dies in Africa, they

get something that belonged to that person

and bury it in the ground.

And in the night, the angels come

and turn back into that person so they come back to life.

BOY: Really?

Yeah.

I thought we would try it on your dad.

All we need is one of his old shoes or something.

What do you reckon?

Is that really a celestial trumpet?

Yep.

[POOR TRUMPET PLAYING]

What the--

Jimmy?

I think you should take a breather.

DAD: Jimmy.

Shit.

DAD: Jimmy.

What the hell is this?

I'm practicing.

Practicing what?

My trumpet.

Kush, eh?

It's bloody murder, Jimmy.

Cut it out.

What's he doing here?

He's practicing as well.

He hasn't even got a trumpet.

Go and play outside, the pair of you.

DAD: What have you got on?

It's me tunic.

It's a frock for Christ's sake.

It's not a frock.

It's a frock.

And it's coming off this minute.

You're not dressing like a fucking fruit in this flat.

Dad?

Get it off now.

You can play your trumpet in jeans and T-shirt

like every bugger else.

What the hell is this?

JIMMY: Nothing.

What have you two been up to?

Nothing.

What have you been doing alone with Jimmy?

He didn't do anything, dad.

Has he been messing around with you?

No.

DAD: It's disgusting.

I'm downstairs barely able to catch my breath

and you're up here with a boy scouter.

Dad, stop it, dad.

It's the school's.

It goes in the cubbard.

Dad, please, man, you don't understand.

[COUGHING]

I bloody well do under--

[COUGHING]

What's going on in here?

Mom, he smashed my celestial trumpet.

I'll smash your bloody heads together,

upsetting your dad like that.

Come on, love.

Put some clothes on when you've got guests.

[COUGHING]

[POOR TRUMPET PLAYING]

GABRIEL: He's going to have to write

a note to your music teacher.

This thing's beyond repair.

I know that.

You're not being very helpful.

What exactly do you expect of me?

Why won't you bloody angel?

angel, none of this would have happened.

Is that what you think?

JIMMY: Yes, that's what I think.

Do you know, I thought you were a lot smarter than that.

What did you think you were doing wearing a dress

with your dad in the flat?

The man's an unemployed Newcastle

United supporter with cancer for crying out loud.

If you'd been there, you could 'a told us to take it

off before he came barging in.

Do you think you're in some kind of course

where people teach you how to do all this stuff?

I told you straight from the start, prove yourself worthy

and you get the halo straight away and no questions asked.

But you have to do it on your own.

Well, ask you to do just one thing for us?

Fire away.

Write us a note for the music teacher.

DAD: He's not normal.

MAM: He's perfectly normal.

DAD: He's not.

Normal kids worry about United avoiding relegation.

They don't give a toss about Jews

believing in God and whether God's pretending not to exist.

Christ, where does he get all that from?

Not from you, obviously.

Why hasn't he got a girlfriend?

He's 11, Peter.

By the time I was his age, I knew

the name of every last

who was sprouting tits.

Need we say more?

I wonder if he's started wanking yet.

Peter.

Talking of which--

lend us a hand?

Not sure I can manage much else.

Lie back, lover.

Think of England.

[BAND PLAYING MUSIC]

.

Who did that?

[LAUGHTER]

What on Earth do you think you're doing?

I'm surprised at you, Jimmy.

I thought you were more mature than that.

But miss--

Detention.

You could've had my eye out.

Right.

From the beginning again.

1, 2, 3, 4.

[BAND PLAYING MUSIC]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: Dad's cancer was getting worse.

Ticking away like the clock on a bomb.

We all knew the doctors would have

to perform miracles to stop the ticking

before the bomb went off.

DOCTOR: Tests show that this is a malignant tumor

that has spread not just in the lungs,

but widely through the body.

Perhaps if I could just show you on the CT scan,

the area of the tumor which has spread

to the center of the chest.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: But what no one else could see

was there's something growing and spreading inside of me too,

making me tingle and sparkle until I was sick.

I didn't know how long it would take,

but I knew when I was filled up to the top with it,

I'd be able to stop the ticking of any bomb.

Then everyone would say I was an angel.

And everything would be better.

At least that's what I thought.

I thought we could do with a nice pie.

What's in it?

GRANDAD: Do you like it?

It's not too bad.

Pigeon.

There's naught wrong with pigeon pie.

It's a gourmet dish, is this.

Yeah, well, waste not, want not.

[DISTANT CAT MEOWING]

Jimmy.

Sorry.

[DISTANT DOG BARKING]

JIMMY: Shh.

Did you get it?

Here.

It's a sock.

I couldn't find a shoe.

Won't it work with a sock?

I don't know.

Why couldn't you get a shoe?

This is pathetic.

It's all there was.

Sorry.

while I dig a hole.

OK.

Put it in.

Aren't you supposed to do a spell or something?

I'm an angel, not a witch, you divvy Shit.

Just pretend you're waiting.

What are you doing, Jimmy?

It's four in the morning.

Planting things.

What things?

Socks and that.

You're going to have to stop this, we told you.

What are you doing here?

It's his dad's sock.

Does your dad know about this?

His dad's dead, mom.

What about your poor mother?

He's a scout.

- He'll have to go home, now. - Why?

Because I say so.

Right.

Sit down.

We need to have a talk.

Sorry I was digging so loud.

It's not about that.

It's about your dad.

Try and understand.

They're going to have to take him in, Jimmy.

In where?

To the hospital.

The tumors are growing, and--

he won't be coming home.

What?

Not ever?

He's going there to die.

That's why he's been so horrible, isn't it?

Just forgive him for me.

I'm trying my best.

MAM: I know.

He's not going to die.

He is, love.

I'm going to make him better.

That's what angels do. - Jimmy--

JIMMY: I've been practicing.

I saved a boy scout .

Jimmy, listen to me.

Mom, you've got to believe this.

MAM: Jimmy, be quiet. - No.

- Shh. - No.

[SMACK]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Get off - I'm sorry.

- What did you do that for?

- I didn't mean it. - Why did you hit me?

I didn't mean to.

Get off us.

Get off us, you

[CRYING]

You're going to have to help me, Jimmy.

You're going to have to be very grown up.

He's going to get very ill.

He's going to look old and terrible.

But you have to be very brave and not let him know.

Why not?

MAM: Because we have to give him hope.

[COUGHING]

We've woken him up.

I'd better go.

I love you, Jimmy Spud.

I'm never going to make it at this rate.

Look what happened with the sock.

Anyway, it should have been his dad's shoe.

OK.

Right.

That should do the trick.

[LAUGHTER]

You said there was no ..

Granddad was wrong and all.

Doctors can't perform miracles.

It's all a load of bollocks.

What did your mom say?

He's going to look horrible.

I wouldn't tell your dad that.

Why not?

It wouldn't make any difference.

Maybe you're trying too hard.

Miracles are tricky things.

Even I can't do them.

Why don't you stick to something you know?

Do the right thing.

It's surprising how difficult that can be.

Sorry I tried to look at your tits in Music.

It's all right.

Do want to see me fanny? JIMMY: No.

Pervert.

You're not crying again, are you?

No, no.

Oh, where'd you get it from?

GRANDAD: Do you like it?

Aye.

GRANDAD: Well, it's all right then.

Oh, grandad.

You'll one of your old shoes, won't you?

[LAUGHING]

[TRUMPET PLAYING]

Does he look horrible-like?

You're not to mention it.

If just keep going.

It's for his own good.

I'm not sure this is a good idea.

He looks terrible.

Stay here until I give the signal.

Dad.

Dad.

Jimmy.

Are you OK?

Smashing it.

I took a walk down the corridor.

JIMMY: That's good.

Got knackered, though.

Do you want to try it?

Aye.

Go on then.

It's just like breathing air.

It's pure bloody nectar, son.

You'll be all right, won't you dad?

Well, they say it's getting worse.

There's a good chance it'll not go into the other lung.

Not a bad fit.

You'll soon grow into it.

I'm sorry I smashed your trumpet.

It's all right.

Look who's here to see you.

Hello, Mr. Spud.

Jesus.

Well, you'll think it's weird but we've got to try

doing it in front of you.

We've been doing it for ages now.

Jimmy.

You're only 11.

I'm his guardian angel.

I told you about him.

I'm an angel, dad.

You're a little deviant, Jimmy.

I'll save you.

God will come.

Jimmy, don't-- oh no, Jimmy, don't.

[TRUMPET PLAYING]

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: Handel obviously hadn't

worked because it was a CD, and not

really music of the spheres.

I mean, what was the point of being an angel, between heaven

and having harps and trumpets and stuff,

and not using them to do your job?

Anyway.

Everyone knows that if you believe in something enough,

you really can make it happen.

[COUGHING]

[DEVICE BEEPING]

It's making him worse.

.

DAD: Bugger off, the pair of you.

[COUGHING]

.

Bloody , you.

You're not be my guardian angel.

.

Don't come near me ever again, mad bastard.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: Everything was going from bad to worse.

And everything seemed hopeless.

Like when you look at the stars and they're a million years

old, and everything is dying and falling, and you're tumbling,

and there was no one to catch you.

And you are tiny and insignificant,

and if the history of the world was the beach,

you are smaller than the smallest grain of sand.

And there were no wings to save you.

And you are all alone.

You're a complete wanker, Spud.

You'll be banned from school for life.

Shut it, Sproat.

I want a word with you, Spud.

You're not in here for a telling off, you know.

I know about your father.

You see, when I was your age, my dad, he got ill too.

It wasn't his lungs.

It was his pancreas.

But--

What's that?

What's what?

Pancreas.

Well, it's another one of your internal organs.

Anyway, I remember how I felt when I used to go

and visit him in the hospital.

And you-- you feel hopeless, don't you?

Totally useless.

Because there's nothing that you can do.

And I remember--

I remember sitting there and thinking, I love you.

You see-- so I do know how you're feeling, son.

You really loved your dad, didn't you, sir?

Yes, I did, son.

Well, I hate mine.

He's a bastard.

Oh, Jimmy.

Get off me.

You're a bastard.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SAM: It's all right, love.

It's all right.

Whatever happens, you can count on me.

Thanks, .

No, no, no, Sam.

Grandad.

Grandad.

Grandad.

Grandad.

Grandad.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Jimmy.

What are you doing?

You worried

What?

to prove you are who you say you are.

Jimmy.

.

My dad's dying.

And you can't be bothered to help him.

Oh, Jimmy. Listen to me.

I really care about your dad. - Get off.

Fuck off. Get off me.

Stuff your trainings up your ass.

You fucking useless .

I must have been mad thinking you'd be any help.

I hate you.

But I hate you more.

If you're the Archangel Gabriel--

Oh, Jimmy.

Then God must be in real trouble.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Grandad.

[DISTANT PLANE FLYING OVERHEAD]

He needs a bit of work on his spelling.

I'd better call the police.

I don't think we need to do that just yet, love.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[DISTANT HELICOPTER SOUND]

GRANDAD: Jimmy?

Grandad?

Christ,

JIMMY: How did you know I'd be here?

I wasn't sure I could make it.

I brought you a pie.

Don't worry.

It's not pigeon.

Third prize in the meat draw.

I put in a complaint to the committee.

Your mum made it.

Go on, eat up.

I'm not hungry.

Give it here, then.

I'm bloody starved.

JIMMY: How did you know that was there?

I put it there.

This was me , lad.

A long time ago, mind.

And I wasn't sure this stuff would still be here.

You sure you don't want a piece?

Delicious.

Your mom can half cook.

Look.

You can just make out the Neptune yard.

They built the down there, you know.

I know.

Of course, all this was lit up like a Christmas tree

in the old days, when the yards worked three shifts.

Ships were being built here 24 hours a day, 365--

Why does dad hate me?

He doesn't hate you, son.

He does.

He doesn't much like you, either.

He calls you names, like Ho Chi Minh.

Who the hell is Ho Chi Minh?

Well, that depends on your point of view.

He was either a great man, or just another commie bastard.

They say he might not last through the weekend, Jimmy.

If I had kids, I wouldn't break their trumpet.

I'd they were musical.

And I'd be pleased if they wanted to become angels.

What happened to your friend?

He went away.

Is dad really going to die?

Yes, Jimmy.

He is.

I was crap at being an angel.

GRANDAD: Did you try your best, son?

Well, that's all anyone can ever do.

Are the pigeons all right?

Why shouldn't they be?

They're homing pigeons, lad.

Put them on the Moon, they'll still come back.

Well, I'm not coming back, Grandad.

I'm going away and I'm staying away.

OK, Jimmy.

Only you can decide what's right for you.

I'll leave the rest of this pie, because it

can get really cold up here.

Listen.

Before you go, why don't you pop by your dad, if only to

say goodbye.

Right.

I'd better be off.

Your mom will be wondering where I've got to.

You should be in bed.

Couldn't you sleep?

No.

Where's your mom?

She's having a cuppa.

I could murder a cuppa.

Do you want us to bring you one?

No.

I couldn't drink it if I tried.

How's school?

Ellison knows about you.

He's a tosser.

His heart's in the right place, but that's about it.

Do you want us to call the doctor?

I want to pick you up and chuck in the air, remember?

Aye.

Play the trumpet, Jimmy.

Not now, you divvy.

But play it.

And whatever you like.

You can do things I never could.

You .

You're a marvel, Jimmy Spud.

Put the mask on, dad.

Dad?

Dad, put it on.

Can hardly lift me arm.

I need help to piss and I can't even breathe.

I love you, Jimmy.

I want to throw you high in the air.

Help us, son.

Help us throw you high in the air so I can watch you fly.

Fly, Jimmy.

Fly.

[STRUGGLING NOISES]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Dad.

Dad.

Dad. Dad.

Wake up.

Dad.

Please wake up, Dad.

Dad, I didn't mean it.

Dad, please.

didn't mean it.

It was a mistake.

Dad.

Dad.

Dad, please. - Jimmy.

Jimmy. - I'll save you--

Jimmy. Jimmy.

It's me. It's me.

It's me, it's me, it's me.

Mom.

My love.

Oh, my love, my--

my sweet lover.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mom.

It's all right, sweetheart.

It's all right.

I love you, Jimmy Spud.

Oi, Jimmy.

Dad?

He's gone, sweetheart, he's gone.

Mom.

Oi, Jimmy.

Oi, son.

JIMMY [VOICEOVER]: My dad died today.

He never did much care which came first, the chicken

or the egg, or whether God was pretending not to exist,

and if Jews believed in Him and all that stuff.

But when I was five, he picked us up

and chucked us high in the air.

I never imagined he would remember that day,

or that ever since, he'd been trying

to figure out how he could pick me up and chuck me in the air

just one more time.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Are you ready?

Good.

[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]

[SINGING] I looked over Jordan.

[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]

A band of angels.

[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]

Swing low, sweet chariot.

Swing low.

Coming for to carry me home.

Swing low.

Swing low.

Swing low, sweet chariot.

Coming for to carry me home.

I looked over Jordan and what did I see

coming for to carry me home?

A band of angels.

A band of angels coming after me.

Coming for to carry me home.

[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]

I looked over Jordan.

[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]

A band of angels.

[SINGING IN NON-ENGLISH]

Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home.

Swing low.

Swing low.

Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home.

[MUSIC PLAYING]