All language subtitles for Esto no es parodia de Las Chicas de Oro (2015)

I haven't had a big thick sausage in my
mouth in 20 years.

Not even Jimmy Dean?

Call him up.

Invite him over. I'll blow him. Ma, I
used to date a boy named Jimmy Dean.

That's it.

I quit. My life is over. I'm ready to
die.

What are you talking about?

My last chance to have oral sex before I
die.

And Blanche has already sucked off Jimmy
Dean.

What's all this talk about dying? What's
gotten into you?

Apparently, nothing's gotten into her.

Therein lays the problem.

Let's face it. I'm 84 years old, my
pussy's dry, and my life is

grinding to a halt.

We should go down to the community
center and find her up for a music

Maybe she'd like to try the flute.

Rose, darling, I really don't think
Sophia's interested in playing the

Skin flute, more likely.

Skin flute?

What is that?

It sounds lovely.

I am going to go ask Sophia if she wants
to try the skin flute. Rose, darling, I

wouldn't...

Okay, Blanche, there you go.

This bed should be able to take some
extreme pounding.

I tighten the nuts.

Well, let me tighten your nuts.

It's really nice seeing you again after
all these years.

Hush, Jack.

I'm dying to see if I can shove your
cock all the way down my throat like I

in college.

Um, are your roommates going to hear us?

Oh, not if we do it right.

Plus, they left for church early and
were headed to the farmer's market

Oh, my.

Oh, Jack.

You don't need these. No, no, no. No,
take them off.

Oh, my, Jack. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh,
Jack.

Remember, little Jack. Oh, no, there's
nothing little about you.

Oh, Jack.

Oh, Jack. Oh, Jack.

Oh. Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh, I love this cat. It's been too long,
sweetheart.

You're going to give it to me, Jack.

She said, pull me in tomorrow.

Pull, pull.

You haven't lost anything.

Yes,

baby.

I'm going to cock all over that dirty
little face of yours.

No.

and Son, and Holy Spirit.

Father, as we prepare for the afterlife,
we ask that you uplift Sophia into

heaven. What's going on out here?

Shut the hell up!

The Father's given me my last rites.

Ma's a good Catholic. She always calls a
priest when she's about to die.

But Sophia, there's so much to live for.

Yeah? Like what?

Blanche, I found a condiment where...
You want to ride me like a bull?

Ah, look at that. A bad Catholic using a
condom.

Hello, Blanche.

We missed you at service this morning.

Oh, sorry, Father. I was, um, busy.

Anal sex is no excuse to miss a good
sermon.

I promise next Sunday I will be down
on...

Father McCormick, you must be very
hungry. So come into the kitchen. I'll

you a nice egg salad sandwich.

Excellent.

You know, I've seen this many times with
the elderly.

You know, Sophia, she just needs a hobby
and people to share her interests.

Oh, well, I've been wanting her to try
the skin flute.

You don't say. Yes, Father. It sounds so
interesting.

I'd like to put my lips on a skin flute.

Well, Rose, I had...

No idea. You're so progressive.

And please, call me Thomas when we're
not in church.

Is that legal, Father?

I don't think the Lord would mind.

And might I add, that's a very nice robe
you're wearing.

Thank you.

It's a dress.

You're right. Yeah, it is.

I'm sorry. I'm actually a little out of
practice with this sort of thing.

What sort of thing?

Dating members of the opposite sex.
Dating?

That's why a lot of priests enjoy anal
sex.

Sorry, Father, I forgot you were here.

That's it. We're signing Mom up for a
dating agency so she can meet men and

a reason to live.

I know an introductory service that
caters to the elderly.

It's called Heaven on Earth.

That's a terrific idea.

I'll call them up and arrange a date.

What's the phone number for 411?

4 -1 -1.

Could I have the number for Heaven on
Earth?

How they did it in St. Olaf.

Come on in.

I'm Gary. I'm here to see Sophia.

Send them in, goddammit! Down the hall.

Last door on the right.

All right. Thank you.

I thought this was an elderly dating
service.

Maybe they sent the wrong guy.

I bet in two seconds that poor boy will
come running out screaming.

There you go.

That's it.

Hello,

ladies.

What a beautiful day.

You mind telling us what the hell went
on in there? Well, Gary and I had a few

laughs, but ultimately decided it
wouldn't work out.

It sounded like things worked out just
fine.

Nice kid, but I'm looking for something
else.

Glad you showed up.

I know it's been a long time, but you
don't have to take it easy on me. I'm a

good, tough old brood.

Forgive me, Salvador.

It's been a long time.

That's good. That's fine.

It feels real good.

food.

Get up there.

It's about time.

There.

Take that pussy.

20 years of wanting.

Take that pussy before it's dead.

Come on.

There you go.

I'm going to bounce you up and down.

Said a long time, son.

Lean back here.

Give me your arms.

Come on, you're not dead yet.

Okay.

This is the last time you're at home.

It's been 20 years. Come down here. Get
in.

Yeah. Give it to me. Come down.

Yeah, don't cry.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

20 years without sausage and gravy.

Membership. What age?

I prefer about 25 years old.

Oh. My age?

Old enough.

I'm thinking about getting my clit
pierced.

What's a clit?

Back bedroom, last door on the right.

Not this time. This one's for me.

I'll bet he's hot. You know, the way to
a man's heart is through his stomach.

Not with my Salvador.

It was a surgeon's scalpel straight
through the ribcage for open -heart

You are so sexy.

Oh, I love it when you touch me.

Oh. Oh.

Ooh.

me these.

Oh, that was fast.

I love that.

Come on. Can I take your shirt off? Come
on, sexy.

Oh, you want me to suck your cock? Of
course.

Come here, baby.

Oh, you're so delicious.

Yes.

What the hell's going on? This creamer
smells like sperm.

Well, sweetie, Sophia was having such a
wonderful time, I decided to get a

dating membership, too. And Bronco, he
couldn't contain himself.

Bronco? You know, what I don't
understand is how this dating service

messing things up by sending over all
these handsome young men.

You idiot, Rose, it's not a mistake.

The dating place has this entire list of
young men.

kill you. It's true. These young boys
love to hug and kiss and

suckle my bosom with such passionate
energy.

Blanche! Blanche!

Ma's gonna have another stroke.

It's true.

Who wants to fuck an old man when you
can fuck a young one who can hump for

days? You know you shouldn't talk that
way. It's immoral.

Oh, Rose, there's nothing immoral about
two Adults making love.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been three days since my last
confession.

Confess all your sins.

Well, they're not actually my sins.

They never are.

Well, it started when we signed Sophia
up for a dating service, and instead of

sending over retired old men, they keep
sending over handsome young...

and they would go to her bedroom with
her, and they'd get naked, and, uh...

Yeah.

And, uh... Yeah, yeah, don't stop now.

Well, in the words of Blanche, they'd
fuck the living hell out of her after

played the skin flute.

Skin flute?

Rose? Is that you?

Father McCormick?

Call me Tommy.

But you're on duty.

Let me ask you something.

When Sophia's getting fucked... When
Sof... I mean, when Sophia is having

how does that make you feel?

Well, how am I supposed to feel? Well,
you should feel happy for her and want

that same pleasure for yourself.

But I'm not dating anyone.

You don't need to date anyone to feel
that God -given pleasure deep within

loins.

You can have what they call, young
people call a fuck buddy.

Fuck buddy?

Why don't you come with me to the garden
sanctuary and I'll show you.

Is that legal?

I'm sure God would approve.

Now, let's give thanks to the Lord thy
God, for he is good.

Say three Hail Marys, and we can go
drink a bottle of Sacramento wine.

I wonder where Rose is.

She went down to the church to pray for
our sins.

Well, at least she's safe at the church.

Goodness, Father, I didn't know priests
had swimming pools.

Yeah, and we're actually building a
casino, too.

Wow.

But let me get this straight, Father.

You're telling me that God wants me to
put my mouth on your penis and

Um, in so many words.

Oral sex is a God -given pleasure, Rose.
You should enjoy what the Lord has

given you.

Well, Father, anything to please the
Lord?

My father would be good at that.

Oh, man.

Thank you.

Play that skin flute, Rose.

You reach out and spread that pussy for
me.

You mean to tell me he had intercourse
with you in the church garden?

He did.

And it was wonderful.

I feel much closer to God.

Closer to herpes is more like it.

It's probably the first time Father
McCormick bypassed a young boy's asshole

an old woman's cunt. Mom!

Well, I just don't know what to think.

I'll tell you what I think. I think I'm
converting.

And then I'm going to call that agency
to get a young dick over here to fuck

You might want to get the feather duster
out to clear the cobwebs off your

pussy.

I'm so nervous.

Don't be nervous, Dorothy.

Use my bedroom. I have a black light.

I bet Blanche's cum -stained sheets look
like Star Wars under the black light.

How do I look?

Like an elderly substitute teacher who
hasn't been laid in 15 years.

Thanks, Ma. I can always count on you
for support.

Come in.

Holy Christ, Dorothy.

Had I known he was going to be so good
looking, I would have kept my dentures

in. Don't pay her any attention.

You kids enjoy yourself here in the
living room.

Come on, girl.

really familiar.

Yeah, I was with Sophia.

We had an appointment together.

So that's probably where you recognized
me.

Of course.

But now I've got an appointment with
you.

cock in me.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll do it.

That tastes good.

Yeah?

It's like, how am I going to do it?

Get

back

on that dick.

You want me to get on that dick? Yeah,
I'm doing all right. You want me to get

on that dick? Yeah.

I'm going to get on that dick.

Fuck.

Shit.

So fucking deep in that pussy.

So deep in that pussy.

Good job.

the apart, baby. Tearing that person
apart.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh.

Come again, baby.

I can't hold it.

So

good.

So fucking good, yeah.

Yeah? So fucking good. So good.

with a beautiful car. Oh, God.

So good.

So good.

You see? I raised her good.

All right, I'll tell.

He pulled out an eight -inch cock. He
put it in my face. I went down on him.

went down on me. He fucked me in four
glorious positions. And then he finally

pulled out and came all over my face and
my mouth.

Holy shit.

I'm horny. I want to go jump in my bed.

Blanche, you may want... to put your
sheets in the washing machine.

I think I saw him walking down the hall
a few minutes ago.

Well, ain't that the pot calling the
kettle black?

You've had more semen than an aircraft
carrier.

What matters is that we're all safe,
we're all together, and we're all

satisfied.

Satisfied? Are you kidding me? I just
called another dating service.

It's called the Big Black Connection.

My first date should be here any minute.

Ma, you didn't.

That must be Leroy. I love black men.