Original subtitles

[music playing]

We agree to discharge your debts in return

for you Japanese assets.

Real estate?

No.

Insurance companies?

No.

Gambling Parlors.

No, no, no.

[speaking japanese]

[music playing]

He said that the gambling parlors belonged to his mother

and that she would be very angry to see them sold.

Then I think you have a choice, please your mother

or face criminal charges.

To a man of honor, that is no choice.

Then you may go to jail.

Please sign here.

[music playing]

That was physical.

I haven't had a physical confrontation like that

since I was your age, Story.

His mother is very angry.

Well his mother packs a powerful punch.

[music playing]

It's a contract with-- with blood on it, my blood.

Let me get a new copy.

No, no, no.

I like the drama, and I sort of respect the gesture.

I hope you would punch a foreigner

who bought your mother's properties, Story.

Perhaps I would check if he would punch me back.

[music playing]

Well, spilt blood might help to remove his shame.

You should now make the three monkeys.

What?

You should demote the tree monkeys

every time you make a deal.

Pachinko parlors are not small change, they are big business.

And you deeply offended his honor.

You were rude.

I wasn't rude.

Well who's side are you on?

We should sell them quickly.

No.

If they can arouse such passion, keep them.

I do not think, Mr. Story, that that is wise,

and I have your best interest at heart.

They're not mine.

They have my blood on them.

Well, we'll keep them for a year, fresh assessment

next April.

Though, you must manage them, Story.

Maybe by next year they'll have your blood on them.

Ear, chin, time one, time two, prick, foot, hand, and God.

Seek [inaudible] The luck of a man without a woman.

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

[non-english speech]

[screaming]

[speaking japanese]

The luck of a woman with a man.

[yelling]

[phone ringing]

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): Hello, Story.

It's me.

What are you doing in Geneva?

You're supposed to be here tomorrow.

Dad, are you still there?

Do you want me to call you back?

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): your mother.

Well how is she?

Put her on.

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): She's not well.

What's the matter?

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): She's very ill.

In fact, she's so ill she's not moving anymore.

What are you talking about?

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): She's not breathing anymore.

She's not living anymore.

In fact, she's dead.

What?

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): I-- I cant talk anymore just now.

Well, hey, wait.

Dad?

MR. EVENTAL (ON PHONE): When you've thought about it, Story,

ring me.

10 minutes, five minutes, I-- I won't go away.

Ear, chin, heart, heart.

Prick, foot, and God.

Benedictus, Benedicat, [inaudible],

Christian, Dominant, [inaudible].

[inaudible]

[yelling]

[rumbling]

I lived most of my life with my wife in this bed.

You make it sound as though you never got up.

I like sleeping.

You were conceived in this bed.

You weren't asleep then.

No, but I have a feeling your mother was.

Read to me.

Your mother did.

Well what should I read?

Something grand and significant.

The Constitution of America?

No.

Your mother was an American and she never needed it.

The Lord's Prayer?

No, I never needed that either.

Something in Latin?

You don't understand Latin.

Benedictus, Benedicap, [inaudible],

Christian, [inaudible] nostrum.

Amen.

You see?

Mangled rubbish.

I love Latin.

But for some reason, I was very bad at it,

shamefully and blushingly bad at it.

You were bad at mass.

Well that was different.

The moments of stress, the embarrassment of how bad

I was at Latin really hit me.

It was like being laughed at by somebody you desperately loved.

Where are you going?

Maybe I want to see that maid, Clotilde,

again with the coffee pot.

Or maybe I-- I wish I wanted to see her.

How come that she can be alive pouring

coffee and not your mother?

Come on.

You aren't gay, are you?

No.

Well I like my own cock well enough,

but I've never been able to work up much

enthusiasm for anyone else's.

You've had all this redecorating.

It was your mother's idea.

She was spring cleaning.

Don't change the subject.

How come you haven't got plans to marry?

Perhaps because I'm too much in love

with my own prick to share it permanently.

It's probably your fault.

My fault?

Ever since I was eight, and you put that full length mirror

in my wardrobe door, and I wanted to be double

jointed so I could kiss my cock good night

before I went to sleep.

All this narcissism is rather boring isn't it?

Find yourself a woman.

Get someone else to kiss your cock for you.

Let's go to a hotel.

No.

It's too far away from her and she might want me.

How is that possible?

I might want her.

You've never slept with a corpse, I take it.

(SINGING) I'd like to get you on a slow boat

to China all to my self alone.

Get you and keep you in my arms evermore.

Leave all your lovers weeping on a faraway shore.

MR. EVENTAL: When I was young I hated my body

because it was so thing.

No I try and not to look at it too much because it's so old.

Perhaps it was just six months when I felt comfortable with

it, when I discovered alcohol for the first time,

and learnt to drive, and was fattening

up when I just met your mother.

[hooing]

What was that noise?

STORY: It's an owl.

MR. EVENTAL: Sounds like your mother singing in the loo.

She sang to let you know she was in there.

It's a funny thing to do, don't you think?

I mean, if you were oversensitive

about bodily functions you'd have

thought she'd have kept very quit about it, wouldn't you?

It's no good.

This is too uncomfortable, and you make me feel guilty.

Why?

You should have had brothers and sisters,

and you could have discussed sex with them.

But your my father.

Why can't I discuss sex with you?

Your interest in sex got me here.

Why do you keep saying things like that?

I'm bonding.

did you ever do it in the back of a rolls?

MR. EVENTAL: Shut up.

I'm too miserable to think about sex.

Look at all these wasted empty bedrooms

all set up with beds and bathrooms.

It's like a hotel without people.

There used to be people here enough in the summer.

When I was a child.

You should feel the rooms up again.

What the hell with?

Concubines?

Let's go take a look in your room.

You know, your my nearest surviving relative.

STORY: I'll always be nearer you than your wife.

Shh.

She'll hear us.

She doesn't like to be discussed.

So this is the infamous mirror that saw

so much of my son's nakedness.

You're a great deal fleshier than me when I was your age.

Where do you get it from?

Certainly not your mother.

You're a nice backside.

I can sit on it.

You could say that.

You look a stranger to me naked.

STORY: It works both ways.

Get out of bed.

I want to see what I'll look like when I'm 57.

55, and there's a corpse in the house.

She's not a corpse.

She's my mother.

Well I don't know what to say really, except you look

immortal and I look bereft.

That's not true.

There's only one pair.

You can have the trousers.

[sobbing]

MR. EVENTAL: Oh, my God.

My God.

My God.

Story.

Who is ever going to hold me closely again?

You're a rich man.

I could think of hundreds.

Money is no good.

It's no good at all.

How can you say that?

Who is going to hold me and love me for me?

For my body as it is now?

For me as I am now?

Like she did.

I thought you said she was very passive in bed.

Did I?

You got too many clothes on.

But I-- I've never slept naked.

I hate pajamas.

I didn't know you could do this.

You can do anything.

Besides, you're my father, and your very, very, very unhappy.

Lift your arm and lie on your back.

I'm unhappy, too.

Sort of.

Not as unhappy as you are, of course.

We'll just have to sort it all out.

Be patient.

Breath properly.

Remember, I'm your nearest relative.

Besides, we couldn't make babies even if we tried.

(SOBBING) Oh, no.

I want to wear white to Amelia's funeral.

She didn't like black.

You can't.

They won't like it.

It's a reputable cemetery.

I have been contributing to this town for 35 years.

I am a respectable Genevan citizen.

They can honor my wife through me with this little request.

OK.

OK.

So, let's do this properly.

Obviously the underwear must go, too.

If you insist on black let's bloody well go through with it.

So, who's wearing black underwear?

Hmm?

Hmm?

Do I go to my wife's funeral naked?

She never once in her whole lifetime

saw me completely naked.

Well, now's her chance, hey?

Father, don't be so bloody stupid.

Nobody's going to see your underwear.

Everybody's probably wearing white underwear, anyway.

But, you idiot, that is just the point.

Just to show you how bloody stupid all these etiquette is.

You want me in black?

OK. OK.

OK.

So I'll wear black.

Don't make such a fuss, Phillip.

I'm-- I'm wearing a black t-shirt.

OK, get it off.

I've got black underwear on.

Is that usual for a man in your age?

Well it looks like swim trunks.

I could go swimming in the lake afterwords.

What was Amelia to you?

An excuse for a quick dip?

Charlie?

Lend me your suit.

Go and sit in the car.

Come on.

Hurry up.

Cleaned them this morning.

Don't worry.

You'll get them back, and they'll be washed and pressed.

60 francs for your shirt.

What?

80 francs.

No.

100 francs.

No, it's new.

Come on.

OK, 150 francs.

God, whoever payed that for a black shirt?

It's a collectors item.

Bloody is now.

Benedictus, Benedicat, [inaudible]

Christian, dominum nostrum, amen.

You know, to make his rigid, tedious, boring painting seem

at least a little human, the Mondrian enthusiastic

keep insisting that Mondrian was a great tango dancer.

Art is supposed to help in times of crisis.

I'm sure that food, alcohol, and sex

are a better distraction.

Food only makes me retch.

Alcohol only makes me scared.

And sex?

Your mother's dead, and with her everything that's

compatible with my prick.

What an extraordinary thing to say.

Why?

It's true.

I know I'm a prude, but I'm also a good dancer. (SINGING)

I saw a man who danced with his wife in Chicago.

Chicago is my home town.

Or I used to be.

I used to have a wife.

I'm taking you to the cinema.

I never go to the cinema.

A great escapist medium.

I can't stand sitting in the dark with strangers.

Harmless.

All of us obliged to share the same emotional experiences.

It's too intimate.

Two hours of forgetfulness.

I like to be emotional in private.

I hadn't noticed.

You know, Story, I haven't been truthful with you.

When I was young-- well, this is going to shock you.

I, too, often wanted to sleep with my father.

Is that strange?

The other night it was, on my part, an un-premeditated act.

I was hoping to console you.

I thought I did.

At least I distracted you.

No, you've heard of young men wishing

to sleep with their mothers, but not with their fathers.

Surely, I mean there's a name for sleeping with your mother,

but not with your father.

Shut up, father.

Not now.

Don't call me father.

He was like a large pillow, my father.

He took me swimming in the lake practically

every day in the summer.

I watched him closely, a large man with a large cock,

big, purple, rubbery.

My mother must have been delighted,

she'd had two husbands already.

All the servants came down to watched.

I was pleased that they looked, because after all

that's where I came from.

You see?

You too are interested in sexual continuity.

Oh, remember I was only 10, perhaps 13.

You know, contemplating my father's prick,

I often think that that's what got

me interested in engineering.

What?

STORY: Watching his Eiffel Tower,

his Empire State Building, perhaps

made me a good engineer.

Shut up, father, and watch the film.

Well, the penis, if you think about it,

is the most enterprising engineering feat imaginable.

Hydraulics, compression, propulsion, heat sensitive.

Practically every engineering characteristics, towers,

drawbridges, rocket ships, no man-made engineering structure

to match it.

My father's involuntary anatomy instructed my career prospects.

I mean, do I have that much influence on your career--

What's the matter?

You must excuse me.

I was disturbed by your frankness.

You were obviously on a voyage of discovery.

MR. EVENTAL: Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

Talking sex again.

What else is there to talk about it?

Well give me another subject.

Death?

Death?

That is not a decent subject matter to discuss.

Shh.

Watch the film.

Money.

Money is not interesting, too easy to get hold of.

Too many stupid people have it.

Money can easily be buried in the other two.

Buried.

I don't want to talk about burials.

Shh.

Why do you think Fellini kept inventing

all these exciting women?

Do you think he loved them all?

Did he sleep with them all?

Did he sleep with any of them?

Or did he get Mastroianni to do it for him?

Dad, I have to get back to Kyoto.

Oh, stay another week.

I need you here.

Why don't you come with me?

A change of place would do you good.

I'll see.

How many film directors make films to satisfy

their sexual fantasies?

I would imagine most of them.

If you don't come to Kyoto this week, come for your birthday.

Those women, all nationalities, every shape and size,

every age.

He was just an old Italian pimp.

We know how lecherous the Italians are supposed to be.

Well it's probably an undeserved reputation.

[speaking japanese]

STORY: What's going on?

QUITO: This woman has been caught stealing.

MR. EVENTAL: Then call the police.

The father won't do it.

He says it is a family matter.

[speaking japanese]

You run the temptation shop.

[speaking japanese]

He's very angry.

She's sold his car and mortgaged his house

to play your machines.

How could she have done that?

She forged his signature.

MR. EVENTAL: Who's signature?

The brothers, and the fathers, and now the fiancees.

This place is a trap for weak-minded women with nothing

better to do.

They want to beat her.

[speaking japanese]

And they want you to pay them.

She's very simple-minded.

MR. EVENTAL: Ask her why on earth she does it.

[speaking japanese]

[speaking japanese]

QUITO: She is stupid.

What did I tell you?

Tell her she's beautiful.

You are beautiful.

[speaking japanese]

[speaking japanese]

She says you must give her credit.

-No. -[speaking japanese]

[speaking japanese]

You'll end up in jail, and they don't

have these machines in jail.

QUITO: They do.

They do?

QUITO: The jailers take credit for sex.

Then maybe I should do the same.

Ask her if she'll sleep with me, then I'll give her credit.

She agrees.

You didn't ask her.

QUITO: She'll accept.

Won't that disgrace her more than stealing?

Not necessarily.

You see, her family suggested it.

STORY: They what?

What about her fiancee?

QUITO: Buy him a car, and he'll forget her.

What am I getting into here.

You make it sound all sewn up.

[speaking japanese]

QUITO: She says she's staying the night, unless you

want to hear she's been beaten.

And your pachinko parlor will be held responsible.

You might lose your license, and it might

effect your other premises.

Where is she going?

I told her you live upstairs.

Jesus.

That's an unrecognizable blasphemy in Japan.

Do you need an interpreter in the bedroom?

No, thank you.

Not unless you'd like to participate.

If it helps to get rid of her.

God, I always thought the Japanese

had an overdeveloped sense of shame.

Only from our point of view, not yours.

And you are a foreigner, so in this case shame doesn't enter

into it unless we want it to.

[speaking japanese]

Quito, what is she saying?

QUITO: She says, she doesn't use contraceptives.

Send her away.

She's a lesbian. -What?

You speak?

QUITO: I am not a lesbian.

Of course, I speak English.

But you whispered.

It's an old routine.

I've known her too long.

She's always been a misery.

Kiss me.

[music playing]

I can't believe she's female.

She is a man.

She couldn't hide it, at least, how--

how would she know where--

QUITO: Training, observation, fulfilling

all the female stereotypes invented by men.

You're too cynical.

Can she-- he-- be married?

Possibly.

Though you'd never see his wife.

He wouldn't much either, work and rehearsal, dedication.

Are you all right?

[speaking japanese]

What did she say?

She says impossible.

What's impossible?

[speaking japanese]

[speaking japanese]

She says she wants to be a female impersonator.

Whatever for?

[speaking japanese]

[speaking japanese]

She wants to be more female than she is.

Strange ambition.

MR. EVENTAL: Isn't she female enough?

He has to act, she is.

Tell her she's beautiful.

Tell her.

Is that always the way you start a courtship?

It's the truth.

[speaking japanese]

Quito said you are interested in her body.

Watch out, Quito.

What are we paying you?

Watch out, Story.

I am jealous.

STORY: You have no right to be jealous of a woman who

wants to be more of a woman by watching

a man dressed up as a woman.

Complicated, eh?

What we need now is an earthquake to clear the air?

[screaming]

[crashing]

My, God.

How the hell did you do that?

Coincidence.

Oh, you bring bad luck.

Call up an earthquake and he will follow

you all the days of your life.

Teach me all about kabuki, and I--

we-- will help you become more like him-- her.

To be more female than you think you are.

Watch out, kabuki lover, you are

in for some sexual experiments.

Shut up, Simito.

What are we watching but sexual experiment?

[hushing]

My feet ache.

I'm not-- I'm not used to so much walking.

Do I have to walk anymore?

What are you doing?

MR. EVENTAL: Doing?

I'm not doing anything.

I'm watering my coffee.

No, I can't make it taste any worse than it does.

You can't sit there and be miserable.

Well I can't walk anymore.

I've seen too many shrines and they're

no comfort because they're not my religion.

Oh, God, father, why don't you go and lie down?

MR. EVENTAL: You're using the word God an awful lot

these days.

Is it significant for you?

I had hoped it was going to be significant for me,

but, alas, no.

For me it is only etymologically interesting as dog backwards.

Dad, stop being petulant.

Come, Mr. Evental.

Watch TV with us.

TV?

I don't want it in Europe.

Why should I want to watch it here?

I didn't know you could do it like that, outside of novels

and Swedish cinema.

God, dad.

Where have you been all these years?

With your mother.

She was passionate enough, but, I guess, you know,

perhaps a little unadventurous.

I bet it was your fault. You were probably very lazy.

Come to think of it, perhaps with your mother

I was too easily satisfied.

I need some help, do you think?

Some retraining.

Is that what you're doing?

Is that the Japanese custom?

Do you have to be Japanese?

Excuse me, Simito.

[laughter]

How on Earth could you believe that?

I gave it a great deal of thought.

It sort of excited me, but anatomically I was worried.

Well, I think we're just going to have to put

you out of your racist misery.

Is she really Japanese?

And there are some 100 million Japanese

women who are no longer Japanese because they're--

I don't want your mother's prejudices broadcast around,

but I am delighted to find that your mother was wrong.

God, I'm going to be sick.

STORY: That's not very complementary.

Show you my girlfriend's private parts

and you rush off to be sick.

I'm sorry.

I was suddenly filled with such intense and desperate longing

that all my insides heaved.

Do you know, I'm amazed, in a way,

to think that you can really be sick with grief.

Perhaps it was too much in-flight alcohol.

That was four days ago.

Slow stomach.

Ah.

[rumbling]

[screaming]

MR. EVENTAL: What's happening.

It's an Earthquake.

And for me, it's the best yet.

[non-english speech]

Look, there's no one about.

Street's empty.

Can't.

See much damage.

All day long the noise of cattle rolled amongst the mountains

down to the winter sea.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Nebuchadnezzar ate grass.

Smells like teen spirit.

Oh, yellow [inaudible]!

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough.

Get into bed.

We must celebrate my third earthquake success.

Success?

I survived my third earthquake.

Well, what makes you think their yours exclusively?

You, father, have a lot to learn.

We must make the earth shake and quake for you.

Have you shaved?

I-- I don't need to shave.

Her skin is very delicate.

Well my-- my beard has hardly grown since your mother died.

OK, we'll show you what to do.

What do you mean?

Um, could I have a light less bright, do you think?

Let's lose those slippery sheets.

No, let's not.

Suppose there's another earthquake we'd be exposed.

With the experiences you're about to have

you're not supposed to know the difference.

How can we do it again?

Find your own woman.

It was a special earthquake anniversary.

I got carried away.

Simito got carried away.

Don't earthquakes make you feel very excited indeed?

No, infactically not.

The ultimate chance event.

In this country you know they're coming,

but nobody, absolutely nobody, no expert,

no geologist, no public relations-man, no politician

knows when.

No predictions.

No givable odds.

Amazing.

And besides, what about mother?

Yes.

Well that's a very brief answer for you.

Just what are you doing, Story?

You said you wanted to educate me.

You keep giving me the most delightful presents,

and then you take them away.

Think of all those empty bedrooms you've got in Geneva,

and you once carelessly mentioned concubines.

I suspect there are quite a few Japanese ladies who

would like to come to Europe.

But what would your mother think?

Don't tell her.

STORY: Look out for me.

I want somebody warm with a good body temperature.

Did you know that male temperatures are higher

than female temperatures?

No cold feet, literally or metaphorically.

There's a woman in the Ocean Fire Insurance office company

I've always been intrigued by.

Where's a great deal of plaid, though I'm certain

she's not Scottish.

I'm sure she's Norwegian.

Do now know any Norse?

Most Scandinavian speak very good English.

Norse probably disappeared over 1,000 years ago.

Look.

We're under surveillance.

Do I look guilty of anything?

This Norwegian Scottish woman was under surveillance

for embezzlement.

Teresa's her name, or Griselda.

If it wasn't Griselda it ought to have been.

She was good, fine fingers.

One day she put a poultice on my forage and my feet

in a basin of cold water with salt.

I wasn't feeling at all well.

And then she made me a complicated drink that

sent me to sleep at my desk.

Was this merely solicitous, do you think?

Or was she trying to get to the safe?

She was charged, and I think indicted.

I must see what I can do.

You must help me there Mr. Expert.

Do you think I ever get to see an in-flight Fellini movie?

I would be curious about one of those Jane Austen women,

you know?

Long suffering, dutiful, but all right in the end, and plump.

19th century type, five foot four, ringlets, brown eyes,

long fingers.

Raw sex is the last thing you're going to encounter

in a Jane Austen women.

Rubbish.

Absolute rubbish.

A long white dress that starts under the breasts

and travels on interminably down so the legs

are entirely mysterious.

I mean, she could have one leg or two inside that dress.

Jane Austen could be incredibly passionate inside that dress.

And you would never know if she had feet, which

you could not say about Mio.

Mio?

This could be your room.

You have a view of the garden and the moat.

You will feel very comfortable.

The rising sun shines directly through the window.

Dickens?

God, no.

A Dickens hero would never let you see her sitting on the loo.

I think a Jane Austen heroine just might.

She could end up like a Thomas Hardy woman,

victims, start bad, finish much worse.

Lots of tears.

Clotilde?

Can you go to room for and ask Mio to get

undressed and take a bath.

I don't speak the language, Mr. Evental.

Hm, neither do we.

I must get Quito to come over.

No, we mustn't.

She'll have us all audited.

Thomas Hardy was interested in selling women.

That's auditing for you, the ultimate audit.

Sell your wife.

I found out her name, [inaudible].

Such a modern name.

It sounds Romanian.

STORY: Sounds like someone who's had a sex change.

She's a retired nun.

Retired?

How on Earth could she be retired?

She's bound to enjoy scrubbing, look at her hands.

They aught to be aloud to scrub a great deal.

She's like all those nun paintings, the starched linen,

plucked brows, and sharp pins and pink flesh,

and the wet eyes, the devotional glance, and modesty

that conceals a body that still has breasts and pubic hair.

The contrast is so exciting.

Oh, she's certainly a bed maker, clean sheets flying

in the air in the sunlight.

She'd be an angel making her bed forever.

She owes the bank 140,000 pounds.

How do you know?

Oh, come on.

How does a bank manager know secrets?

STORY: Let's tempt her.

Offer her a loan, high interest.

See how she reacts, and then more.

Make sure she doubles the debt, and then offer her a way out.

Whiter, much whiter, like milk, or snow.

And make her lips very, very small.

So small I couldn't even get my little finger between them.

Are we doing this correctly, do you think?

Should we paint her entire body white, do you think?

God, let's do it anyway.

No, Clotilde, not here.

Its most out of place.

I tell you what, take it to bedroom one.

No, six, in preparation.

A token.

We must find somewhere to fit it.

Stand it at the end of the bed and surrounded it in flowers,

poppies, Renwah flowers.

Are poppies in season?

No, Mr. Evental.

Runway's films like?

He was the director who said, every man has his reasons.

Do we have reasons?

No, you just have lust.

[inhaling]

Oh, beautiful.

It smells of canaries.

Lapsang souchong.

The smell of my watch strap after a game of squash.

Mice.

Horse hair cushions.

Brown sugar just unwrapped out of a damp paper bag.

Burnt eggs.

No, [inaudible] to it.

I get sexual indigestion.

I can't stand more than one naked woman at a time.

It reminds me of a pig farmer, or a cattle market,

or one of those terrible concentration camp.

STOREY: Good Lord look at that.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Would you believe it?

In the 1990's/

[horn honking]

[horse whinnies]

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: What's her name?

Caspar.

Caspar?

Oh, no.

Sorry.

That's the name of the horse.

Is he all right?

What is the name of your horse doing

on your hospital charge sheet?

He's not my horse.

He's not your horse?

Then whose horse is it?

I stole him.

STOREY: You stole him?

Hey, why don't you come and convalesce with us?

We can provide you with a new horse, a physiotherapist.

You could do therapy in our pool.

The horse could do therapy in our pool.

Where are you going?

To buy some flowers.

Flowers aren't going to help.

Yes, they are.

Clothilde says flowers always help.

Good evening.

Beautiful.

Excuse me?

You are looking so beautiful.

Thank you.

Pregnancy makes you beautiful, don't you think?

You know, wake up, having babies.

This is the sixth.

The sixth?

You must have an understanding husband.

No husband.

Oh?

Artificial insemination.

No, too impersonal.

Are you offering?

No.

I mean, well I could.

But, I'd like to.

Can I?

And the children?

Three adopted, two with their Father's.

You could think about it.

Nice hair.

Do you still go to church?

No.

Do you still say your prayers?

No.

Do you still believe in Hell?

Depends what you mean by still?

I've never believed in Hell.

Then you believe you will not pay for your sins?

Not in Hell, only in Earth.

However, I've always believed in Heaven.

Heaven on Earth.

And you, Griselda, are a piece of heaven.

But?

But what?

And don't take this religion too seriously, it's a pose.

No, it is not.

It is a way of life.

[knocking on door]

Come in.

Griselda is becoming a nun in her heart, as well as her body.

Then I'm already jealous of God.

Jealousy?

It'll destroy you.

A fellow?

Complimentary tickets .

I'm the financial secretary of the friends of the Geneva

Opera, obligations to attend.

You bored us all in Kyoto, Storey,

by taking us to the kabuki.

It's my turn to bore you.

We go to the opera.

The whole firm will go.

Dress up, the full complement.

Now please leave us.

Devout, inestible Griselda has a higher calling to make.

I'm taking Clauthilde.

Oh, whatever for?

It's obvious she would want to come.

I understand the thoroughbred was worth nearly half a

million dollars owned by a Saudi Arabian.

Now, there are some people who prize

their horses above their women.

Punishments in Saudi Arabia can be harsh.

An eye for an eye.

A horse for a horse.

A horse for a woman.

No, I don't think we need to go quite that far.

And, as it happens, we were able to return it.

Caspar?

Caspar.

There were questions asked, and the owners

have a pretty shrewd idea who stole their horse.

It seems you've done it before.

They did not understand what a sensitive horse they had.

They had no idea.

He needed affection.

Perhaps.

Are they downstairs?

No, no, I don't think so, at least not yet.

Not yet?

Who are those people?

I am accused of unethical practices.

What may they be?

Well, I like having babies.

So I've noticed.

There are many people in the world who want to have babies

and can't have them.

So you perform an unusual philanthropic service.

I'm good at having babies.

Is it so bad to make a living at what you're good at?

I see.

This time there is a way out.

I can see it coming.

GIACONDA: You can be my husband.

Am I to be responsible for all six?

No, you can be the father of just this one.

I have a-- a proposition.

Quite frankly, Mr. Emmenthal, I am a modern woman.

I do not want to be deported to Saudi Arabia.

And as long as horses are Involved,

I think I am prepared for all eventualities.

However, I have one important responsibility I cannot

relinquish, I have a pig.

A pig?

Horses and pigs always get on well together.

They are intelligent animals, and like one anothers company.

Can you-- can you ride a pig?

Hortense is far to dignified to be ridden.

However, Hortense and I have a relationship,

which you might find unusual, beyond mere affection.

I have no intention of breaking this relationship.

I see.

Neither does Hortense.

As long as I don't get too jealous,

and you both take a bath afterwards,

I can't see that I need to be difficult.

GIACONDA: Kiss me.

Well that was a husband's kiss, I suppose.

You could show a little more passion.

Well-- well I suppose I better make you an offer.

We-- I will pay for you to have babies.

No artificial insemination.

And you have come to collect this child, when it's ready,

of course.

I'm having no interferences.

Of course not.

In that case, could you have me moved to a nicer room?

I think blue walls.

I'm sure it's going to be a boy this time.

And I think I charge $25,000 for a boy.

[screaming]

[hushing]

[singing opera]

(WHISPERING) It's time now.

STOREY: Are you enjoying the music, Clothilde?

I am enjoying Mr. Emmenthal's smile.

He was so heartbroken at the death of his wife.

You could always enjoy his smile at home.

She was good to me.

I would like to repay her kindness.

Trying to make her widower, and his son, happy.

I could never take Amelia's place entirely,

but I would be honored to take it in part.

Which part?

Whichever part he wishes.

I would like to ask if I could be allowed to-- no,

I-- I can't say this.

Go on.

Say it.

To wear her hats.

My mother's hats?

That's all?

Just her hats?

In bed.

Nothing else.

PALMIRA: I know you, don't I?

At least, I know your father, Philip.

These all your girlfriends?

Oriental specialities.

Best of luck.

You're all very restless.

You weren't taking them to the gents for a fuck were you?

One's crying her eyes out.

What have you done to her?

It's her birthday.

Well, that explains everything.

She's sentimental, likes horses, and especially pigs,

apparently.

Can you get us something to drink?

Yes.

I really did know your father three years ago.

I held his hand at a passing out ceremony on a very big stage.

I told him where to stand.

He was very awkward.

I always liked the way he swung his legs.

Always thought he'd do himself an injury.

I asked him to sleep with me.

I laid it all on for him.

I bought my toothbrush and a clean pair of knickers round

to his hotel room in Utrecht.

Or was it Berlin?

However, he turned me down.

All manner of ridiculous excuses,

like he was happily married.

Wasted a golden opportunity.

However, never say die.

I've looked forward to french kissing him ever since.

[laughter]

Desdemona.

Meet Simon, the singing cockerel.

Simon has no shame.

He says I will always be the favorite white women

he loves to undress.

And he does it as often as he can,

which is often, and everywhere, and in the most unlikely

places.

Only he goes on tour, and he has a wife, don't you, Simon?

And he makes me wait for the services of his big black cock

and the delights of his magnificence singing,

of course.

Or is it the other way around?

So, how is your father?

Why don't you come and see?

He's not black.

That's true.

And he can't sing.

Not that it would matter.

You could always cock his face and pinch his backside

and he might give you a dark stair and a little scream.

He used to stroke his little round

belly with a secular motion.

I'd like to do the same.

Tell him.

What would you say if I'd like to share the attentions?

Perhaps.

Are you his natural heir?

I am his heir, naturally and unnaturally.

Financially?

Financially.

What have you got that I've never seen before?

You're free to go, Palmira.

You're free to go.

PALMIRA: I'll be your number four private whore

for one year for $75,000.

No possible demands denied.

Impossible ones considered.

I have a high pain tolerance, but don't abuse it.

The greater your invention, the greater mine.

I'll look after the conversation.

Never trust an old man.

Unreasonable?

If I'm sharing your prick I want medical checks every week

by a qualified doctor.

And I want my privacy when I need it.

And I want to sleep late, very late.

And I want to travel.

So, Philip I want to see what I missed three years ago.

You can have me on approval.

Open the window.

I need fresh air.

[inaudible] Storey Emmenthal.

Let's see what tune your father sings,

and how he's going to sing it with me.

KITO: It's OK.

It's all expensive.

Who's goddamn expenses?

Tax deductible.

From Kensai or from Geneva airport?

STOREY: Jesus.

From Paris.

But that's hours away by helicopter.

I bought, uh--

Put her in room six.

We'll fix somewhere for her later.

STOREY: My God.

What have you done with the baby?

KITO: What baby?

STOREY: God, who are you?

My, God, Kito.

You're in Kyoto.

KITO: Oh, stop that.

STOREY: Stop what?

KITO: I'm too tired for that and you're drunk.

STOREY: You're not supposed to be in here.

This is Giaconda's room.

KITO: I'm staying a few nights.

I arrived from the sky.

STOREY: I'll stay a few nights just to warm you up.

I'll wait a little bit just in case Giaconda comes back.

She's probably gone for a pee.

Pregnant women spend half the night going to the loo,

did you know that?

KITO: Yes, I did know that.

And with a little help from you I might

be able to experience it, too.

STOREY: Kito.

Oh, Kito.

You have always surprised me.

Poor thing.

They say she's only half a person, a midget.

I've heard worse.

Much worse.

That she's a mongerer.

A mongerer?

What you mean?

How come?

If there ever was a good case for a wash.

I don't understand.

Have you been in that room?

No.

There's no number on the door.

They haven't even given her a proper name.

They sometimes call a key a letter after a [inaudible],

about a way for the stray, a simpleton who plays a trumpet.

You don't thing for a moment that it's a child.

God, no.

She sounds Korean.

How would you know that?

Kito say she was born in a pachinko parlor,

and deaf because of all of the noise.

Kito loves story to distraction.

I would never believe anything she says.

Perhaps she's Vietnamese, a boat person.

What?

Who arrived one morning on the lake from Hong Kong.

I don't think it's a woman at all.

I bet it's a man, a transsexual.

And the half refers to a half man half woman.

Francois says they conceived it together, the father and son.

Celeste, for God's sake.

Pull the other one

Through the backside.

Ridiculous.

Who was the father then?

Well, he was of course, the older.

There's more spunk in him than a cage of chimpanzees.

How do you know that?

I know.

I wanted to be a candidate once, you know?

Clothilde made it, but I always suspect

she had an ulterior motive, being Amelia's

favorite when she was alive.

I went for an audition.

They tried me out, but they weren't too excited.

I was too willing.

I like the prison life too much.

And I loved the clothes.

I even liked the humiliations, you know?

No.

I don't.

Hot drink and chocolate followed by the ice cubes.

You know the stuff.

Picking up handkerchiefs off the floor with your teeth

when you're naked.

Ugh.

Gallons of hot water, string vests, and wet t-shirts,

and nipple clips.

Shaved belly, all the cliches.

Oh, you've seen them in the cinema

and read about them in the newspapers,

standing on your head, milk bathing.

Putting on excess weight.

Sounds like a [inaudible].

Could be.

In a way.

STOREY: Good night, sleep tight, make sure the bugs don't bight.

Good night, sleep tight, make sure the bugs don't bite.

Good night, sleep tight, make sure the bugs don't bite.

There's no wildlife in this house that's not licensed,

and stop banging the doors.

I have to kiss everyone on the backside before I go to sleep.

It's an acknowledgment of possession.

Including the pig?

Hortense has a nice backside, but it is reserved for Beryl.

Simato, Griselda, Beryl, Giaconda, Palmira, Mio,

Kito, Guilietta, Clothilde.

Eight and a half women.

I bet you'd never kiss Palmira.

On the backside.

Oh, I'd like to.

My, God, I'd like to.

Can't you put a word in for me?

Oh, please?

And she's taken partially shaving her belly,

showing evidence of the most delightful kind.

Did you ask her to do that?

My, God.

Why does she have to walk around the house naked like that?

And in the garden?

Simato, Griselda, Beryl, Giaconda, Mio, Giulietta,

Kito, Clothilde, and Palmira.

Divorce, beheaded, died.

Divorced, beheaded, survived.

Those are Henry the eights wives.

Catharine of Aragon, Anne Bolyne,

Jane Seymour, Anne of Cleves, Catherine

something, and Catherine Parr.

Go to sleep.

You know those great passions?

Those unbelievable sexual passions,

like Antony and Cleopatra, or Henry

the eighth and Ann Bolyne.

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Palmira.

Palmira.

Palmira.

Palmira.

Palmira.

Oh, Palmira.

Palmira.

PALMIRA: I think you can say with safety

that nowadays women have finally acknowledged their position

of not liking men.

We could say that women don't like men.

They acknowledge that they prefer

the company of their own kind.

I think we can also say that most men don't like other men.

Most men prefer to like women.

So women are the most liked by the most people.

Men love women, women love children,

and children love hamsters.

It's a one way slide.

There's little going back the other way.

Simato and Mio insist on speaking Japanese.

That's an improvement.

Mio normally doesn't talk at all.

We'll have to get Kito to stay here permanently.

The very threat might make them talk.

Mr. Emmenthal, I am offering a refuge to these ladies in need.

This is Sister Mary.

This is Sister Sophie.

This is Sister Iphigenia.

And this is Sister Fatima.

They are here to pray for the house and all who live in it.

God.

Father of Christ.

Griselda, this is becoming obsession.

You started it.

MR. EMMENTHAL: My fantasy has no God in it,

just naked nuns, the fascination of the wimple in the flesh.

God is everywhere, Mr. Emanuel.

It's Emmenthal, Jesus Christ.

NUNS: The Son of God.

Excuse me, sisters.

I am bound at this moment by certain duties

to these gentlemen.

My benefactors who rescued me from perfidy,

and danger, and confusion.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Clothilde has left the servants quarters

and taken to sleeping in room seven.

All your mothers hats have been taken as a signal

that she's ready.

STOREY: Watch out for Clothilde.

There's something creepy about her, far too subservient.

It's unnatural.

Well you were the one who was so eager to include her.

I think we should inaugurate a chapel.

I have plans where the 12 stations of the cross

should go in the garden and along the drive.

I think we could well create a religious community.

I could be an example to others, an object of suffering.

She's pregnant again.

This time she's not certain who the father is, me or you.

She wants to abort at once.

Simato's complaining again.

She's sitting on the top step demanding

attention, complaining that I don't wash my prick.

Said she's frightened to have cervical cancer.

Now where she'd get that idea from?

STOREY: Palmira?

Good, God.

My prick gets more washing than a dish sock in a laundry.

Ask Griselda.

She fills her mouth every morning with soap.

STOREY: OK, I've heard enough.

You never used to be so crude, father.

I'd like to borrow 800 francs to buy Mr. Emmenthal a present.

Anything less would not be worthy of him.

What are you going to buy him?

He has everything.

I don't think he has happiness.

Goodness, who on Earth has that?

I do.

KITO: You do?

All right.

For someone that rich, you can have 1,000 francs at 4.5

interest over three months.

That woman's insides must be like a traffic accident.

STOREY: I've never understood Beryl.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Beryl?

Which one's Beryl?

STOREY: Number five's [inaudible].

The one you knocked off her horse.

Why do you keep changing their names?

I don't.

Isn't her name Beryl?

This is very good, Clothilde.

Thank you, Mr. Emmenthal.

Don't be so patronizing.

She's very solicitous.

Patronizing?

I was paying her a compliment.

Do you think Clothilde could be trying to poison me?

You're fantasizing.

If she kills you it'll be with over-feeding.

Did you noticed Kito counting her money.

I've always noticed her spending ours.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: There's a suitcase

under her bed full of US bonds and large Swiss notes.

She'd become a money lender, charges interest.

They're moving out of Emmenthal debt into Kito.

Debt.

Miss?

Miss Kito, we've come to ask for a loan.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: And she says, how do you want to do it?

From the front or behind?

And I said a little from the front, and a lot from behind.

Do you want to do it in the garden?

or by the pool?

Or do you want to lie in the grass?

She says.

I say, yes.

Or, do you want me, perhaps, to stand?

She says.

Yes, I say.

Or do you want me to sit with my heels in the air?

Yes, I say.

Yes to what? She says.

Yes to everything, I say.

Then I will, she says.

And she does, just like that.

My, God.

STOREY: Can she swim?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Can money swim?

STOREY: Value?

KITO: Depends how you look at it.

Medal balls, no value at all.

To a pachinko parlor player, 60,000 US,

dollars 100,000 French francs, or merely 8 million Japanese

Yen.

I'm going to shout.

Don't.

You'll lose the stake.

She's bluffing.

Toronto.

Keeping me here, Storey, is losing your money.

Hands over foot.

Oh, for God's sakes, it's hand over fist.

What on earth are you doing?

Oh, bloody hell.

Can't you guess?

I'm-- I'm trying to look like that boyfriend of hers.

For Christ's sake.

You're ridiculous.

I know.

I'm desperate.

She will laugh you to derision.

I know.

She mustn't leave me.

I'd be destitute.

You couldn't compete.

He's her age, has sexual charisma like a house on fire,

and no doubt a 12 inch cock.

Wash that stuff off at once and be in my bed

in 6 and 1/2 minutes flat.

I want my bottom smacked tonight,

real hard with a tennis racket.

Mio wants you to dress up as a female impersonator.

And then she says she could possibly

love you with enthusiasm.

My, God.

Why all this charade?

If you want life out of her do it.

[wailing]

[speaking japanese]

KITO: She says you are a man.

But of course I'm a man.

But she wanted you to be a woman.

Complicated, eh?

KITO: You dress as a woman.

You've been asked to act, however badly, as a woman,

But you are a cheat.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Well, of course I'm a cheat.

That's the whole point of the exercise, isn't it?

Not for Mio.

She's a disappointed lady.

STOREY: Listen, listen, listen.

She's known as both carnally as men.

How can she forget so soon?

She didn't forget.

Your ability to transfer hope into truth was very strong.

You have been a huge disappointment.

She's very disturbed.

Take great care of her, or you lose her.

I'm thinking of making a film about all

this, our experiences.

Why make a film when you can live it.

Most films are about people longing for something

that they haven't got.

And what most people haven't got is sex and happiness,

We've go both.

Well at least I have.

See what I mean?

Oh, hell.

Who'd give you the money, anyway?

You would.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Think she's trying to tell us something?

SIMATO: OK.

I've done my [inaudible].

Now I want freedom.

I was the first.

I gave you all the inspiration.

It was my idea.

I want out.

This is what I want.

This is what I want.

No more patriarchal patronage.

No more patriarchal patronage.

No more male stereotyping.

No more male stereotyping.

God, I want the female free pachinko parlor.

And a [inaudible], and I want it tomorrow.

Today.

Today.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: My God.

She's fantastic.

I'm in love.

I don't want to hear about her.

I can't get near her, except to look,

which is a disaster because it starts me trembling.

I am an earthquake.

And you got what you wanted.

All this jealousy's wearing me out.

I used to be happy, once upon a time.

You don't want Palmira to feel she's getting the upper hand.

Though, now you're in love with her she obviously has.

She was the only one we didn't choose, and now she's queen.

I want a plan to keep her forever.

Well you could always get her singing boyfriend

to come and live here.

Then we'd never ever get a look in.

I'm too miserable to be here anymore.

Let's go to Kyoto.

It's the earthquake season.

I want to be shook up.

I'm missing something.

Mio!

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Mio!

Mio!

STOREY: Mio!

Mio!

BOTH: Mio!

Mio!

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: It's like Shelley.

Japanese Ophelia, beautiful, oriental lady in the lake.

She was the very best.

The most submissive.

She was my first wife.

Oh, come on.

That's not true.

You forget my mother much too soon.

Given the circumstances, then she was my second wife.

She was never your wife.

Well with everything but a license and a tax exempt form.

She was the first woman after.

35 years that I consistently made love to.

She had such a beautiful open number, so small, so delicate,

such a beautiful color.

It was like plum blossom.

It was like pushing your prick into a plum blossom flower.

Shut up.

You hate flowers.

And plums repeat on you.

She looks more beautiful now than ever.

Why on Earth did she do it?

she had all she wanted.

No, she didn't.

We took away all her shoes.

Because they were rotting on the lawn.

Was that a suicide matter?

We'll get her some shoes.

There you are, Mio.

As many shoes as you like.

Get walking, Mio.

You're going in the lake.

Did you know, whatever the event,

we're all supposed to react to every disappointment

in exactly the same way.

First, shock.

Oh, my God.

Then self pity, poor me.

Then anger, you bastards.

Then apathy, oh, what the hell?

And then some sort of resurrection

of the spirit, I'll never let the buggers grime me down.

It's the same with Mio's death.

Oh, my god. Poor me.

You bastards. Oh, what the hell.

I'll never let the buggers grind me down.

Giaconda's pregnant again.

We've got to lose her.

STOREY: Take her to the airport and put

her on a plane, any plane.

I couldn't stand another baby problem with her again.

Father, she's just too fertile.

Sticking pins in dark corners is not for me anymore.

Stick a pin in the plane timetable.

Saarbrucken.

Oh, no, that won't do.

Grenoble?

That's even closer, you fool.

Venice.

No, she can't swim.

She doesn't like film or art.

Bangkok.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Not bad, a bit obvious.

Sex capital of Asia.

STOREY: No, I'm not sending her there, poor obstetrics.

How do you know that.

I'm not having my child dragged out with forceps,

dropped in a wok of noodles, and called Chang Lee.

Well it may be my child.

Well, you having your child dragged out with forceps?

You were.

I watched your little, yellow face squashed up,

like an overripe lemon.

I swear you even had pips.

If you're so keen on the delivery of this baby

why don't we keep it?

Punta del Faro.

Well where the hell's that?

I don't know.

It sounds warm and South American.

She loves kiwi fruit, doesn't drink tea, suffers from Asthma.

There's bound to be clean air.

Sounds right.

And they love children.

Everyone loves children.

Do we love children?

Cathay Pacific, first class, $2000 one way.

Done.

We're going on a trip to New York.

You'd like that.

Here's $5,000.

Buy some baby clothes.

And order a cot-- no, two, in case it's twins.

And you'll need nappies.

Buy 1,000 nappies, then you wouldn't

have to do any washing, just throw them all away.

Well that's not very ecological.

Well recycle them then.

Here's another $5,000.

Buy a recycler.

What's that?

Well whatever they are you're bound to find them in New York.

Mr. Emmenthal, we've been watching you.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Who are you?

The vice squad?

You sound guilty.

We understand you help women in financial trouble.

Do I?

We, too, are debt collectors, like you.

Am I a debt collector?

And we're convinced you're harboring one of our clients.

She's responsible for a series of confidence frauds.

She operates often with a black opera singer.

She has various names, Laura Decker, Theresa Decker.

Clarissa Venrang.

Her specialty is in offering sexual services

and sexual rewards to elderly bankers

and wealthy financial people.

We understand you're the chairman

of the Emmenthal financial services

and consolidates bank, Geneva.

As debt collectors, we can offer

you 2.5% of recovery costs.

I am Laura Decker.

Though, now I call myself Palmira.

What?

But--

No buts.

I'd like to do this for you Mr. Emmenthal.

It's a little I can do to repay your kindnesses,

to make you happy.

I have done my business here.

Drink your milkshake.

I'll go, and pack, and leave.

I understand where your love truly lies , Mr. Emmenthal.

But, Clothilde?

What was all that about?

What was all that about?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Clothilde.

STOREY: What about Clothilde?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: They've taken her away.

I was desperate, Storey.

STOREY: What do you mean they've taken her?

Should we call the police?

Well, I-- I-- I couldn't let them take Palmira.

It all happened so quickly.

She didn't even get her coat.

She volunteered.

I-- I could never let them take Palmira.

STOREY: Who were they?

What were they doing?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Well they-- uh-- they were filmmakers.

They were filmmakers.

They were going to make her into a famous film star.

They were going to make a film about Renwah called,

I don't remember.

You sold her.

You sold Clothilde.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: All this makes my stomach

churn, to think that they might have taken Palmyra.

You once told me to think about the women in Thomas Hardy.

Yes, I did.

But, remember, the mayor of Casterbridge

regretted selling his wife for the rest of his life.

[pig snorting]

OK, here's the deal, Kito for the pachinko.

God, that's no deal.

Then blood on your hands.

[gun shot]

You've lost on the decency trial, [inaudible] trial,

followed by a keeping a [inaudible] house trial,

And, probably, a tax exemption supina,

and a visit by the health authorities, to inland revenue,

customs.

KITO: Possible accusations of illegal consenting

with my minors.

SIMATO: Breaking of [inaudible].

Sexual harassment.

Trading babies.

Hey, Simato.

Hey yourself.

I want a signature, legally binding,

handing over this establishment, lock, stock,

chips, machines, and barrel.

What's barrel?

For storing beer.

Kito has the papers ready.

As always.

Sign here in front of witnesses.

What witnesses?

They're not watching.

And I want a bonus, strip to sign.

Strip to sign?

Whatever for?

Naked to the negotiating table.

Naked.

so I can see no pranks, and.

Loses.

Quaint English, they make an unpredictable linguistic duo.

A man in socks.

Is vulnerable.

He probably won't play tricks.

Think of it as being the last time for me to see your cocks.

We go out the way we came in.

I remember doing you the [inaudible]

when this little adventure started.

Bend over.

You did it voluntarily.

Bend over.

Kito is the witness.

Thank you, Kito.

KITO: My pleasure.

Enemies unite in adversary.

KITO: Now make us three signature monkeys.

SIMATO: OK, you can go.

Goodbye, Philip.

Goodbye, Storey.

Oh, God.

I don't know that that was so bad.

It's sort of cathartic, the naked exposure,

don't you think?

But you couldn't do it voluntarily, would you?

It's under duress, so somehow legitimate.

Circumstances beyond our control.

I think I enjoyed that.

[rumbling]

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: My God.

Struck down by an earthquake.

At least it wasn't our fault this time.

Where was she going?

Pachinko heaven for chartered accountants.

What's the matter?

STOREY: My God.

Are they getting closer?

She warned me, never call up an earthquake,

they will follow you all the days of your life.

Head, face, chest, belly, sex, legs, feet, and God.

Benedictus, Benedicap--

What are you doing that for?

I'm trying to undo her warning.

But your sympathies for Kito were never strong, Storey.

She joined us because of me, not you.

It's my fault. I'm to blame.

She was determined to be useful.

In her little pajama suit.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: She loved you desperately, Story.

What are you doing?

I've had enough.

Griselda must go.

She's so Mother Superior now.

She's got a mind like a sewer, getting me

to confess impossibilities like your own mother

and my wife slept with priests.

Where did she get that from, I wonder, Story?

She starts as a novice, scrubbing convent floors.

Puts on a wimple, shaves her body,

becomes a nun in appearance, then in deed.

Now she wants to become a Saint.

I'm going to kill her.

She wants a martyr's death.

STOREY: She's only done what you wanted, taken your fantasies

and run with them to the point of logical exhaustion.

Father, for God's sake.

No, for mine.

She's not in her room.

She's gone, and she's taken the children.

Where's she's gone, I wonder.

Heaven?

No, they wouldn't let her in.

We would like to establish that a friend,

an acquaintance of ours, is presently there,

to set our minds at rest.

Because-- because this person was very dear to us.

Is it possible to speak with her?

Sister Concordia?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Concordia?

She was trouble and strife.

Now this Sister Concordia is beside me now.

I have allowed her to write down her answers for you.

You are allowed three questions only.

You must keep them very short.

OK.

Question one.

Do you have there presently a Sister

Griselda of Fontana, Geneva.

We have no Griselda here.

We have no visitors but Concordia,

and she's under a preferred vow of silence.

Question two.

OK, that doesn't count.

All right. All right.

All right.

OK, does this novice Sister Concordia

have a foreign accent?

Norwegian?

Swedish?

Scandinavian?

If she's under a vow of silence how can I know?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Jesus.

The Son of God.

Was that a question?

STOREY: Can we be certain that Sister Novice Concordia

will keep her vow of silence?

You can provide eternal and everlasting silence

with an annual donation of $25,000

to the Children's Charity of Santa Lucia.

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Let her go.

Let her get away.

STOREY: I admire her independence.

Taking nothing.

It's not true.

She's taking a horse.

Perhaps she's running to Austria.

She was Austrian, wasn't she?

I've always had severe problems with Austrian's.

They're negative people, musical, churchy, uptight,

authoritarian, who insist that their dust bins are very clean.

And then there was one.

STOREY: Correction, one and a half.

[humming]

How do you want to do it?

Oh, my God.

PALMIRA: From the front?

Or from behind?

What do you do?

And how do you do it, Palmira?

Oh, my God.

Heaven.

Ecstasy.

Paradise.

Monte Carlo.

Monte Carlo?

In the garden on the grass?

In the pool?

Or in here?

It's never going to get better.

Do you want me to sit down?

Or stand up?

Do you want to lie down with my heels in the air,

toes pointing East and West?

PHILIP EMMENTHAL: Yes.

Yes to what?

Yes to everything.

Then I will.

I think I'm going to quit while I'm ahead.

Would you mind very much?

Yes, I would.

You're being selfish.

I love you, Palmira.

I love you.

You can't do it simply by holding your breath.

[laughing]

I love your laugh, Palmira.

[non-english speech]

Pardon?

It's Fellini's film, eight and a half.

PALMIRA: Philip?

Why did you reject me those three years ago

in Berlin, or Paris, Palermo, Naples, or somewhere else

in Luxembourg perhaps?

I was always frightened of the possibility

of too much pleasure.

OK.

That'll do.

Good answer.

I love you, Palmira.

[humming]

Hey.

Phillip.

Stop sleeping on the job.

[laughing]

OK.

All right.

I love you, too.

Goodbye.

Story?

Palmira?

This is the first time I've been officially

invited into this room.

Officially?

That means you've been here unofficially.

No matter.

It's all over now.

What's all over?

Your father's dead.

Rubbish.

No, he isn't.

He's still sleeping.

I'm going to make breakfast.

Now that everybody's gone.

Father, wake up.

Your toast is burning.

Get out of bed at once, father.

I won't tell you again.

Wake up, father.

Your bloody toast is burning.

OK.

It's breakfast.

His toast.

I ate it whilst it was still warm,

and now he's growing cold.

Now, I suspect I shall get bored here, Storey.

Very bored.

Now that the old man is dead.

Silence.

No reason to stay anymore.

The King is dead.

Long live the King?

I doubt it.

You don't do anything I like, Storey.

Your body's too simple.

Not enough lived in, too straight, too unused.

There's no excitement in you for me, Mr. Emmenthal Junior.

My most favorite white woman in the world

that I would like to undress.

It has been one year, 72 days, four hours, and 20 minutes

since I last kissed this magnificent landscape.

And--

[laughing]

Shall I sing that for you?

No, not in front of the children.

Pachinko, pachinko, pachinko, pachinko.

How are you today?

Have you eaten enough?

Porridge?

Muesli?

Baked beans?

No toast?

OK, we're going to rechristen you today.

Our oriental period is over, and Julietta no more.

[rumbling]

STOREY: Don't worry.

It's traffic vibration.

Sit still.

It's a thunderstorm.

Yes.

You don't get earthquakes in Geneva.

At last!

Oh, benedictus, benidicat [inaudible],

Christian, dominom, nostrum.

Amen.

[laughing]

[music playing]